Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 16 - Episode #1.16 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

HI,
CLETE MIZENHEIMER AGAIN.

WE'RE STANDING HERE
JUST ACROSS THE STREET

FROM THE ABANDONED
CHINESE LAUNDRY.

WE'RE HERE WITH LOCAL
IMPORTED CAR EXPERT,

NICK RUTLEY.
RICK NUTLEY.

RICK NUTLEY.

MR. NUTLEY HAS JUST TOLD
THE ALLEGED SUSPECT

THAT HIS DEMANDS
FOR A CAR

CANNOT BE MET.

BUT I NEED IT!



UM, THEY KNOW YOU NEED IT,
DAVEY, UH,

J-JUST TRY TO RELAX, OK?

MAYBE IT WOULD RELAX YOU
IF WE STARTED
TO CLEAN UP A LITTLE.

YOU KNOW,
STRAIGHTEN THE PLACE UP.
JUST A LITTLE.

WILL YOU PLEASE TELL HIM,
MRS. HARTMAN,

THAT WE'RE COMBING
THE ENTIRE AREA,

THE TRI-COUNTY AREA.

NOW, IF THE YOUNG MAN
WOULD SETTLE FOR A COUPE,
WE HAVE...

A COUPE.
HOW ABOUT A LOVELY...
NO!

LISTEN,
THOSE REGULAR CUSTOMERS
HAVE TO WAIT UP TO 6 MONTHS

FOR SOME OF THESE
SPECIAL ORDERS.

MRS. HARTMAN, WOULD YOU JUST
TELL THE BOY THAT HE'S ASKING
FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE?

NOW WE CAN GIVE HIM
ANYTHING HE WANTS
IN A USED CAR.

A USED CAR, DAVEY.
EVERYTHING YOU WANT.
JUST A LITTLE BIT...



I DON'T THINK
HE'S IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA.

OH, MY STOMACH'S
STARTING TO HURT.

OH, IT'S ALL THAT FAST FOOD
TAKE-OUT JUNK
YOU'VE BEEN EATING.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER.
I'M GONNA TAKE YOU HOME.

NO!

YOU CAN WATCH IT
ON TELEVISION, HONEY.

THAT WAY YOU GET A COMMENTATOR
AND CLOSE-UPS,

MAYBE EVEN AN INSTANT REPLAY.

COME ON, BABY.
COME ON.

MRS. HARTMAN,
WE'VE GOT THE CAR.

HI, CLETE MIZENHEIMER AGAIN.

UH, THE LIEUTENANT HAS
JUST TOLD MRS. HARTMAN

THEY'VE GOT THE CAR.

OF COURSE, ALL OF THIS IS
DUE TO THE FINE EFFORTS

OF LOCAL SPORTS CAR ENTHUSIAST
AND DEALER, NICK RUTLEY.

RICK NUTLEY.
RICK NUTLEY.

UH, JUST LET ME SAY THIS,
WILL YOU, PETE?

CLETE.
IT'S, UH, UH, CLETE.

YEAH.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY PLEASURE

IN EVERY WAY
TO HELP THIS COMMUNITY
IN ANY WAY I CAN.

WHERE IS IT?
IS IT HERE? NOW?

I THINK SO, DAVEY.

UH, NO, MRS. HARTMAN.
IT'S NOT HERE NOW.

WELL, WE HAVE THE CAR.
WE FOUND IT IN PORTERVILLE.

AND WE'RE GONNA GET IT HERE
AS SOON AS WE CAN GET IT
GASSED UP.

WHAT DO THEY MEAN,
"GASSED UP?"

OH,
IT'S JUST A TECHNICAL TERM.

IT MEANS PUTTING GAS
INTO THE TANK.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

I WANT MY CAR
SHOWROOM FRESH.

DAVEY, WE HAVE TO DRIVE IT
OVER FROM PORTERVILLE.

BUT... BUT THEN IT'LL HAVE
MILES ON THE SPEEDOMETER.

BUT YOU CAN JUST PRETEND
THEY'RE NOT THERE.

I WANT IT TRAILERED,

SO THAT THE TIRES
ARE STILL CLEAN

AND SO IT DOESN'T SHOW
MORE THAN 15 MILES.

DAVEY, NOW I THINK
YOU'RE BEING JUST A LITTLE BIT
UNREASONABLE.

I WANT IT.

DO YOU HAVE A TRAILER?

YES, BUT THAT'LL TAKE
UP TO 18 HOURS,

UH, PLUS A TEAMSTER.

WE'LL WAIT.

HIYA, JESUS HERE.

AND WE'RE BACK OUTSIDE
THE CHINESE LAUNDRY, CLETE,

WHERE WE'RE
ANXIOUSLY AWAITING,

VERY ANXIOUSLY,
AS YOU CAN SEE,

THE ARRIVAL
OF FERNWOOD REVEREND
JOHN BILLINGTON STANDFAST.

NOW, CLETE, THE TENSION HERE
IN THE CROWD IS SO FULL,

IT'S BONE-CHILLING.

UH, ALL THESE PEOPLE
MAINTAINING THEIR VIGIL

AS THESE PERHAPS
MOST CRITICAL HOURS

IN THE LIFE
OF MRS. MARY HARTMAN

TICK, TICK, TICK BY.

UH, WAIT A SECOND,

I THINK I SEE
REVEREND STANDFAST'S
CAR COMING UP NOW.

OH,
DOES HE OWN THAT CAR?

EGO PLATES. "THE REV."

I TELL YOU,
I'VE SEEN THAT LINCOLN
IN A LOT OF STRANGE PLACES.

THE CROWD IS PARTING

ALMOST LIKE THE RED SEA.
IS THE REVEREND...

AS ALL HOPES ARE PINNED
ON THE PERSUASIVE POWERS
OF THIS ONE MAN.

RIGHT IN FRONT
OF THE LAUNDRY,
SO JESSUP CAN SEE YOU.

OH, NO! NO. I'M SURE THAT
THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY

YOU DID SAY
LITTLE DAVEY IS ARMED?

SEE, IF YOU COULD
JUST GET ME A BULLHORN,

I'LL JUST WAIT
OVER TO ONE SIDE.

BUT REVEREND...
YES.

WE THOUGHT IF YOU WOULD
STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT
OF THE CHINESE LAUNDRY,

YOU COULD GET
A REAL COMMUNICATION
GOING WITH THE BOY.

I HEARD THE TALK YOU GAVE
AT THE POLICE ACADEMY...

WELL, YES,
I SAY A GOOD MANY THINGS.

IF YOU COULD JUST
GET ME THAT BULLHORN.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
THEY SAY IT-IT'S BEST TO,
UH,

MAINTAIN AN AIR OF DISTANCE
FROM THESE PEOPLE.

IT HELPS TO KEEP UP
AN AIR OF AUTHORITY.

I THINK THE SON OF THE CLOTH
IS SCARED.

OH, HOW COULD HE BE?
HE'S GOT GOD ON HIS SIDE.

THEN HOW COME
HIS KNEES ARE SHAKING?

ALL RIGHT, REVEREND,

IF YOU'LL JUST SPEAK OUT,
I, UM, THINK HE'S WAITING
TO HEAR YOU.

WELL, ISN'T THERE A,
UH, UH, A TRUCK

OR A BUILDING
THAT I COULD STAND BEHIND?

NO. AND IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT,
I'M SURE HE WON'T FIRE.

YES. YOU SEE, UH,
WHAT I HAVE IN MIND HERE

WAS, UH, JUST,
UH, MY VOICE.

UH, COMING
OUT OF THE DARKNESS.

YOU KNOW,
THE VOICE OF GOD!

THAT IS, I MEAN, OF COURSE,
THE, UH, THE WORD OF GOD,
COMING THROUGH MY VOICE.

YOU'RE STANDIN'
IN MY LINE OF FIRE.

OH!

SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.

YOU KNOW,
I USED TO... I USED TO
LOOK UP TO THAT MAN.

WELL, HE'S SOMEBODY
TO LOOK UP TO.

HE DRIVES A LINCOLN.

D-DAVEY?

DAVEY?

HI, DAVEY.

UH, THIS IS, UH,
JOHN STANDFAST.

NOW, I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU, DAVEY.

A-ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE,
AND... AND... AND WHAT YOU'VE
GOT TO DO.

UH, B-BECAUSE YOU'VE
GOT TO BE A MAN, DAVEY.

BECAUSE GOD IS WATCHING YOU.

AS HIS WORD IS REVEALED
IN HEBREWS, CHAPTER 9.

"NEITHER BY THE BLOOD
OF GOATS AND CALVES,

"BUT BY HIS OWN BLOOD

"HE ENTERED IN ONCE
INTO THE HOLY PLACE,

HAVING OBTAINED
ETERNAL REDEMPTION FOR US."

IT WASN'T GOATS AND CALVES,
IT WAS GOATS AND CHICKENS.

WELL, HE MUST MEAN
SOMETHING ELSE.

AND THEN IN THE FIRST EPISTLE
OF PETER, CHAPTER 4 WE HEAR,

"BUT LET NONE OF YOU
SUFFER AS A MURDERER,

"OR AS A THIEF,

"OR AS AN EVILDOER,

OR AS A BUSYBODY
IN OTHER MEN'S MATTERS."

BUSYBODY?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT.

I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING
BUT "BUSYBODY."

OH, I UNDERSTOOD "BUSYBODY."

UH, UH, DAVEY,

DAVEY,
THINK ON THESE THINGS, DAVEY.

"FOR THE TIME HAS COME

"THAT JUDGMENT MUST BEGIN
AT THE HOUSE OF GOD.

"AND IF IT FIRST
BEGIN WITH US,

"THEN WHAT SHALL
THE END OF THEM BE

THAT OBEY NOT
THE GOSPEL OF GOD?"

OH, REVEREND,
THAT IS SO TRUE.

THANK YOU.

NO, IT'S NOT THAT
HE ISN'T LISTENING.

HE REALLY APPRECIATES

THE REVEREND
TAKING THE TIME OUT
AND COMING DOWN HERE.

IT'S JUST THAT HE DOESN'T
AGREE WITH EVERYTHING
THE REVEREND IS SAYING.

THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS
USED TO CUT SUNDAY SCHOOL.

IT'S JUST THAT
HE DOESN'T SEE

HOW ANY OF THIS
IS GONNA GET HIM HIS CAR.

WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY TO YOU, DAVEY,

IS "GIVE UP."

NO!

NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO!

NO! NO! NO!

YOU SEE,

NOW, I THINK YOU'VE GOTTEN HIM
A LITTLE EXCITED.

NOW, T-THIS IS JUST

GETTING ON, UH,
EVERYONE'S NERVES,

AND... AND, UH,
NO ONE IS GONNA LIKE YOU.

NO ONE, DAVEY.

THAT'S REALLY TERRIFIC,
REVEREND.

BUT I THINK YOU BETTER
BACK OFF A LITTLE.
IS HE GIVING UP?

UH, NO, NOT EXACTLY.
HE'S NOT GONNA SHOOT, IS HE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED
TO LOOK UP TO THAT MAN
WHEN I WAS SHORTER.

DAVEY! DAVEY!

THEY GOT YOUR CAR!

THEY GOT YOUR CAR, LOOK.

ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

NOW YOU CAN RUN AWAY
AND THEY CAN FOLLOW YOU.

WHAT?

OH, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
DID I SAY THAT?

I'LL MAKE 'EM PROMISE NOT TO.

THE REVEREND STANDFAST.

I'LL HAVE HIM
COME INTO THE STORE
WITH A STACK OF BIBLES

AND MAKE HIM SWEAR
ON THE STACK OF BIBLES

THAT THEY WON'T FOLLOW ME.

REVEREND?

YES, I THINK I HEARD
THE KILLER'S REQUEST.

WILL YOU GO?

UH,

UH,

UH...

DAVEY,

JUST EXACTLY

HOW MANY BIBLES
WOULD IT TAKE

TO MAKE A STACK?

UH, UH, UH...

UH, UH, UH.

UH, REVEREND?

WELL, OF COURSE
I'M THE REVEREND.

UH, NO, NO, NO.
YOUR ANSWER?

UH.

UH, BUT CAN WE QUESTION
THE WAYS OF GOD?

IT'S NOT A QUESTION

OF QUESTIONING
THE WAYS OF GOD,
REVEREND.

IT'S A QUESTION OF QUESTIONING
THE WAYS OF A BERSERK KID

WHO'S HOLDING
AN INNOCENT HOUSEWIFE
HOSTAGE.

YES.

UH, AND I CAME DOWN HERE
TO USE WHATEVER

POOR POWERS OF PERSUASION...

AND I EVEN STOOD
IN FRONT OF THE LAUNDRY,

NOT BEHIND
A TRUCK OR A BUILDING,

WHICH PROBABLY
DID MORE HARM THAN GOOD.

SHOWING THESE
BERSERK PEOPLE

THAT WE'LL CATER
TO THEIR EVERY WHIM.

IS THAT GUN STILL ON HIM?

AND I... I... I... NOW YOU WANT ME
TO GO IN THERE WITH NOT...

NOT... NOT JUST ONE HOLY BIBLE,
BUT A WHOLE STACK OF THEM

AND STAND IN FRONT OF SOMEONE

WHO HAS BROKEN
GOD'S MOST SACRED COMMANDMENT.

THAT MEANS
HE'S AFRAID TO GO IN.

I... I'M AFRAID THAT
YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
MY MEANING.

FEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO...

WELL, WILL SOMEBODY
PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME

WHAT THE HELL'S
GOING ON HERE?

MY WIFE IS STILL IN THERE
AND NOBODY'S DOING
A DAMN THING!

BE CALM, MR. HARTMAN.
A COURSE OF ACTION
IS BEING WORKED OUT.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING
INTO THE STORE, ARE YOU?

IF ONLY IT WERE THAT SIMPLE.

HE'S NOT GOIN'
INTO THE STORE.

REVEREND,
I'LL GO IN WITH YOU.

YOU'LL HAVE THE COMPLETE
SUPPORT OF THE FERNWOOD
POLICE DEPARTMENT.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING
INTO THE STORE. YOU'RE NOT?

IF IT WERE JUST LAYING
MY LIFE ON THE LINE...

IT'S MY WIFE'S LIFE
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!

I CERTAINLY WOULD GO.
BUT I HAVE...

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
HE'S NOT LISTENING.
HE DOESN'T LISTEN.

PEOPLE WHO ARE DEPENDENT
ON ME FOR THEIR SPIRITUAL
SUSTENANCE. I CAN'T FAIL THEM.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE GONNA
READ FROM THE BIBLE,

BUT WHEN IT COMES
TO FLESH AND BLOOD

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO
A DARN THING TO HELP,
IS THAT IT?

DO NOT SCOFF AT THE BIBLE,
YOUNG MAN.

THE BIBLE
IS THE REVERED WORD.

I BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE.
I BELIEVE IN DANIEL
AND THE LION'S DEN.

I BELIEVE
IN DAVEY AND GOLIATH.
I BELIEVE IN IT.

THERE, YOU SEE HOW CONFUSED
HE... HE REALLY IS?

IT IS DAVID AND GOLIATH,
AND I AM CERTAINLY
NOT GOLIATH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
WHAT KIND OF REVEREND ARE YOU?

WHAT KIND ARE YOU?

MR. HARTMAN, I LEFT WORK
ON MY SERIES OF NOTES

FOR THIS SUNDAY'S SERMON,
JESUS WAS STREET PEOPLE.

AND... AND... AND MR. HARTMAN,

I TRY IN MY WRITING
TO REACH YOUNG PEOPLE
WITH WORDS

THAT THEY CAN UNDERSTAND.

AND I CAME DOWN HERE,
AND I TOOK MY LIFE

IN MY HANDS
WHEN I GRASPED THAT BULLHORN.

BUT YOU CAN'T GO IN
AND FACE THAT KID,

EVEN THOUGH IT COULD MEAN
MY MARY'S LIFE, IS THAT SO?

UH, MR. HARTMAN,
LET ME PUT IT TO YOU THIS WAY.

NO. BUT I WOULD
LIKE TO EXPLAIN.

YOU SEE, I... I BELIEVE
IN THIS COUNTRY.

I DON'T NEED
EXPLANATIONS.

I... I BELIEVE IN FAMILY,

I DON'T NEED EXPLANATIONS.
I BELIEVE IN RESPECT
OF AUTHORITY.

I NEED SOME ACTION!

OH, MR. HARTMAN.
WHAT I NEED...
I REALLY NEED SOMETHING.

JUST STAND...
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

DOES ANYONE
HAVE A VALIUM?

SEX AND VIOLENCE IN THE MEDIA.

HOW LONG BEFORE IT HITS HOME?

MARY, S.M.U.T. CARES.

WE'RE BEHIND YOU,
MARY. GOD LOVE YOU.
BE BRAVE.

BLANCHE.

THE LAST THING WE NEED
IS ANOTHER BULLHORN.

THAT'S IT, GEORGE SHUMWAY.
THE PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.
YOU...

YOU... YOUR OWN DAUGHTER
HELD CAPTIVE

BY A CRAZED MANIAC

AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT CAUSED IT.

AND YOU THINK YOU DO?
OF COURSE I DO.

ANYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN
CAN SEE THAT IT'S IN THE AIR.

IS SHE TALKIN'
ABOUT POLLUTION?

IS THAT WHY SHE'S SAYIN'

DAVID KILLED... KILLED
THOSE GOATS AND CHICKENS?

I AM SAYING

IT IS THE SEX AND VIOLENCE

OUR YOUNG PEOPLE
ARE EXPOSED TO
ON TELEVISION EVERY DAY.

BLANCHE.

I'M EXPOSED TO SEX
AND VIOLENCE AND...

AND... AND I DIDN'T
MURDER ANYBODY.

HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY, EVERYBODY.
HEY, HEY, HE WON'T DO IT.

HE... HE WON'T GO IN.
WHO... WHO WON'T GO IN?

REVEREND STANDFAST.
THAT'S DAVEY'S DEMAND.

REVEREND STANDFAST,
A STACK OF BIBLES,

AND AN OATH FROM THE POLICE
THAT T-THEY WON'T GO AFTER HIM
FOR 24 HOURS.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE
THERE'S AT LEAST
ONE SANE PERSON

LEFT IN THIS COMMUNITY

WHO WILL NOT GIVE IN
TO WILD BEHAVIOR

AND DEMANDS FOR PUBLICITY.

YOU MEAN, HE'S JUST GONNA
SULK IN HIS LINCOLN?

EVEN THOUGH MARY'S
VERY LIFE IS IN DANGER?

HE WENT HOME.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

THE MAN WENT HOME.

SEX AND VIOLENCE.

SEX AND VIOLENCE.

NOW,
MAYBE THEY'LL BELIEVE THAT

I WANT THE REVEREND
AND A STACK OF BIBLES

AND A SWORN OATH
THEY'LL GIVE ME
24 HOURS TO GET AWAY.

THEY... THEY KNOW, DAVEY.
THEY KNOW.

I THINK I'M GETTING
ANOTHER HEADACHE.

OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT, DAVEY.

YOU JUST THINK
YOU'RE GETTING A HEADACHE.

AND... AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE GETTING IT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE THINKING IT.
I MEAN,

THINKING IT MAKES YOU...
MAKES YOU GET IT.
SO DON'T THINK.

NO, IT'S... IT'S RIGHT HERE.

NO, DAVEY,
PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL.

I MEAN,
NOT EVEN A BIG BAND-AID...
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

BUT IT HURTS.

UM, ASPIRIN.
HOW ABOUT SOME ASPIRIN?

UH, COULD I LOOK IN MY PURSE?

OH, SURE.
THAT'D BE VERY NICE,
MRS. HARTMAN.

OH, OK. 'CAUSE, UM,
I... I COULD USE AN ASPIRIN,
TOO.

YOU KNOW I DON'T...
I DON'T REALLY, UH,
LIKE TO USE THEM.

I MEAN, I DON'T THINK THAT
THEY'RE THAT GOOD FOR YOU
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE NOT GREAT
FOR YOUR STOMACH.

BUT, UH, TYLENOL IS GOOD.

IT'S... IT'S JUST THIS PAIN
IN THE SIDE OF MY HEAD.

OH, I KNOW.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

I GET THIS RIGHT HERE,
RIGHT IN THE SIDE OF MY HEAD.

AND THEN I... I START
HEARING NOISES.

YEAH. SO DO I. SO DO I.

NOISES. I MEAN,
LIKE RIGHT NOW,

IT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT
OF PEOPLE SHOUTING OUTSIDE.

NO.
NO.

AND THEN MY... MY VISION
BLURS SOMETIMES.

OH, SO I GET THAT, TOO.

LIKE RIGHT NOW, FOR EXAMPLE,
I CANNOT SEE A THING.

AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM.

OH, MY.

NO ASPIRIN.

NO ASPIRIN?
NO.

BUT

I HAVE A LIFE SAVER.

I MEAN, IF YOU WANNA
SPLIT IT OR ANYTHING.

THANK YOU.

THAT... THAT WOULD BE
VERY NICE,
MRS. HARTMAN.

OK.

SHOULD I BREAK IT
OR SUCK IT IN HALF?

DON'T BREAK IT.

OH, OK, DAVEY. OK.

OK, DAVEY, DAVEY.

YOU KNOW, I'M...

I'M REALLY GLAD
IT WAS YOU WHO CAME HERE.
I MEAN, UH,

I DON'T THINK I COULD
TALK TO ANYBODY ELSE.

I KNOW, DAVEY.

I KNOW.

IT'S VERY GOOD.

IT'S ORANGE.
I CAN SMELL IT.

YOU... YOU'RE NOT AT ALL...

YOU'RE NOT AT ALL
LIKE MY MOTHER,

OR... OR MY TEACHER,

OR EVEN... EVEN
MY AUNT BERNICE.

BERNICE?

I USED TO SPEND
SUMMER VACATIONS WITH HER.

ONLY,

SHE MADE ME
GO TO BED AT 6:00.

AND WOULDN'T LET ME EAT CANDY,
OR... OR READ COMIC BOOKS,

OR... OR GET ME MY CAR,
OR MY BIBLES, OR MY REVEREND,

OR MY 24 HOURS.

DAVEY,

I'M ALMOST
AT THE HALFWAY POINT.

YOU DON'T SMOKE, TOM.

WELL, I GOTTA DO SOMETHING,
DON'T I?

NOW YOU'VE GOT
ALL THE VICES.
HAVEN'T YOU, TOM?

IT'S JUST ALL THIS WAITIN'.

GOD, THIS REMINDS ME OF,
YOU KNOW, LOVE

ON THE RESTLESS AND SEARCHING.

REMEMBER WHEN GLENDA WAS
GONNA HAVE TO HAVE HER SURGERY
AND THE HOSPITAL WAS ON FIRE?

OH, I KNOW.
I WAS SO NERVOUS.

I POPPED A GUITAR STRING
AND EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW,
FOR ALL THE TAXES WE PAY,

YOU'D THINK THEY'D COME UP

WITH SOME KIND OF
PLAN OF ACTION

INSTEAD OF A BUNCH
OF A.P.B.s AND BULLHORNS.

MR. SHUMWAY.
YEAH.

UH, LT. TRASK ASKED ME
TO TELL YOU

THAT WE'RE BRINGING IN,
UH, A HELICOPTER

AND MORE SQUAD CARS
AND, UH,

DALTON WESTERLEY.

HE'S THE S.W.A.T. TEAM
FROM PORTERVILLE.

WELL, NOW,
WHAT ABOUT THE NATIONAL GUARD?

THE UNDERSTANDABLY
DISTRAUGHT FATHER
OF THE HOSTAGE

HAS JUST MADE A CALL
FOR THE NATIONAL GUARD.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.

DO YOU MEAN TO SAY, SIR,
THAT YOU ARE DISPLEASED
WITH THE WAY

THE FERNWOOD POLICE
IS HANDLING THIS CAPER?

LISTEN,

I JUST WANT THE POLICE
TO GET OFF THEIR BULLHORNS

AND GET MY DAUGHTER
OUT OF THAT ABANDONED
CHINESE LAUNDRY.

GEORGE SOUNDS
EVEN MORE STUPID

THAN HE DOES
WHEN HE'S YELLING
ABOUT HIS MISSING SOCKS.

OH, HE'S JUST UPSET,
I'M UPSET.

MAYBE HE HAS MIKE-FRIGHT.

HERE, HEATHER,
A GLASS OF MILK.
IT WILL SETTLE YOUR STOMACH.

WHERE'S THE BROWNIE MIX?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA EAT
MORE JUNK, ARE YOU?

HI, EVERYBODY. JESUS AGAIN.

AND I'VE GOT
A GOOD ONE FOR YOU NOW.

I'M HERE WITH THE SISTER
OF THE HOSTAGE.

CATHY.

DOESN'T SHE LOOK PRETTY?

I WISH SHE'D WORN
HER NEW GREEN DRESS.

MISS CATHY SHUMWAY.

CATHY, IT'S BEEN
SEVERAL HOURS NOW
SINCE YOU'VE SEEN...

AND

I TOLD THAT CHEAPSKATE

HE NEEDED
A NEW PICTURE TUBE.

OH, BOY, I'M SORRY, FOLKS,

BUT IF YOU'LL JUST
BEAR WITH US,

WE'RE HAVING SOME
OPERATING DIFFICULTIES.

YOU SEE, PA,
THAT STATIC WASN'T GEORGE.

IT WAS THE STATION.

CATHY DID LOOK
RA-RATHER PRETTY.

UH, ALMOST LIKE
MARY TYLER MINT.

MARY TYLER MOORE.

AND THAT DAVEY,
IN HIS UNIFORM.

UH, NO, PA.
UH, THAT'S NOT DAVEY.

DAVEY IS INSIDE
THE STORE WITH MARY.

THAT'S A POLICEMAN.

I REMEMBER WHEN HE USED
TO RIDE HIS BICYCLE OVER
GRANDMA'S BEGONIAS.

I NEVER THOUGHT HE'D GROW UP
TO BE A POLICEMAN.

I WONDER WHY HE TOOK
MARY IN THAT STORE.

MUST HAVE NEEDED
SOMETHING FOR SUPPER.

IT'S A CHINESE LAUNDRY.

YOU CAN'T GET SUPPER
IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY.

MARY, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME,
THIS IS LORETTA.

SHE CAN HEAR YOU,
MRS. HAGGERS.

I JUST WANTED TO
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY, MARY,

YOU KNOW,
HALFTIME IS KINDA LIKE IT IS,

TO TELL YOU THAT WE'RE
ALL OUT HERE ROOTING FOR YOU.

AND TO RAISE YOUR SPIRITS

AND THOSE OF THE YOUNG,
TROUBLED DAVEY JESSUP

BY SINGING TO YOU
THE WORDS OF THIS NEW VERSE
THAT I JUST WROTE

IN HONOR
OF THIS TERRIBLE CRISIS.

IT'S CALLED
BALLAD OF A HOSTAGE.

AND I HOPE IT WILL PLEAD
FOR YOUR LIFE, MARY.

TELL 'EM YOU'RE SINGING
IT A CAPPELLA, HONEY.

I'M SINGING IT A CAPPELLA.

♪ OH, HE WAS
A TORTURED KILLER ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ OF THE CREA, CREA,
CREA, CREATURES ♪

♪ ON THE FARM ♪

♪ BUT HER FRIENDS
BEHIND POLICE LINES ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ PRAYED HE DIDN'T
DO HER ANY HARM ♪

♪ DON'T YOU STAY IN
NO CHINESE LAUNDRY, MARY ♪

♪ DON'T STAY
WITH NO KILLER AND HIS GUN ♪

MRS. HAGGERS,
IF YOU'LL PLEASE
GIVE ME THAT THING

JUST FOR A MOMENT.
SHE'S SINGING.

WILL YOU GIVE ME
THAT BULLHORN, PLEASE?

♪ DREAMING... ♪

I'M NOT FINISHED
WITH THE CHORUS.

I AM VERY SORRY.
I KNOW. I'M VERY SORRY.

I'M VERY SORRY,
BUT I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE KILLER.

JESSUP, THIS IS LT. TRASK.

YOUR CAR HAS ARRIVED.

I REPEAT,
YOUR CAR HAS ARRIVED.

YEAH, BUT HE WON'T COME OUT
AND GIVE UP MARY TILL
THE REVEREND SAYS HE'S SAFE.

YOU DON'T THINK
THE NATIONAL GUARD
CAN COME IN AND FORCE HIM IN?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE NATIONAL GUARD,
BUT I KNOW WE CAN DO IT.

BUT THEY GOT TANKS.

WE GOT THAT
USED CAR FROM PORTERVILLE.
GIVE IT A PUSH...

YEAH, WE CAN PUT
THE REVEREND RIGHT IN IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH.

I DON'T THINK
THE REVEREND WILL GO.

COURAGE IS A MATTER
OF PERSONAL CONSCIENCE.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST BOTHERS ME,

HOW A MAN OF GOD
COULD RUN OFF LIKE THAT.

HE DIDN'T RUN,
HE DROVE HIS LINCOLN.

YOU HEAR ANYTHING
FROM INSIDE THE STORE?

NOT YET.

LIEUTENANT,
IF I CAN MAKE A SUGGESTION?

GO RIGHT AHEAD,
SERGEANT.

WELL, RIGHT NOW,
THINGS ARE AT AN IMPASSE.

YEAH, WE'RE NOT MAKIN'
NO PROGRESS EITHER.

IF I CAN GET AROUND
BEHIND THE CHINESE LAUNDRY,

I THINK THAT I CAN RESCUE
MARY HARTMAN. NOW.

WHAT ABOUT THE RISK?

I'M PREPARED TO TAKE IT,
MR. HARTMAN.