Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 10 - Episode #1.10 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

MISS HARTMAN, UM,

I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS,
BUT, UH,

YOUR DAUGHTER IS MISSING.

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.

LINE'S BUSY, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.
BOY, OH, BOY.

SHE TALKS MORE ON
THAT PHONE THAN
ANY 2 WOMEN ALIVE.

ARE YOU FINISHED HERE?

YEAH.

WERE YOU...

YOU, UH,
TALKIN' TO MARY, HUH?



YEAH.

TELL HER ABOUT
THE BOMB SCARE?

NO.

TOLD HER I WASN'T
COMIN' HOME AFTER WORK.

OH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OH"?

OH, JUST WHAT I SAID, OH.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
TO SAY "OH" TO ME LIKE THAT?
WHO ARE YOU?

I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND, TOM.

BEST FRIENDS DON'T SAY
"OH" LIKE THAT, CHARLIE.

OH, COME ON, TOM,
EVEN... EVEN A ROCK
COULD TELL THAT

THERE'S SOMETHIN' GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU AND MARY.

OH, JESUS! IT'S BUSY.
SHE'S PROBABLY
TALKIN' TO BLANCHE FEDDERS.

ALL RIGHT.
SIT DOWN A MINUTE.



WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"EVEN A ROCK"? SIT DOWN.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

I MEAN, WAIT A MINUTE...
YOU SAID "OH"
LIKE YOU COULD GUESS

WHAT'S GOIN' ON
BETWEEN ME AND MARY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BY THAT?

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHIN' HERE,
HUH?

I MEAN, I'M... I'M... I'M NOT,
UH, I'M NOT ATTACKING YOU,
YOU KNOW.

I'M JUST ASKING YOU
AS YOUR FRIEND.

WILL YOU STOP
CALLING ME YOUR FRIEND

AND... AND TELL ME...
ANSWER MY QUESTION, DAMN IT!

DAMN, NOW I DON'T HAVE
A DIAL TONE. JEEZ!

DAMN IT, CHARLIE,
WILL YOU ANSWER ME?
COME HERE.

SIT DOWN. I WANT YOU TO
TELL ME ABOUT MY PROBLEM.

COME ON, TELL ME.
YOU OWE ME THAT. COME ON.

ALL RIGHT.

I... I... I DON'T SEE YOU
RACIN' OUT OF HERE

WITH A GLEAM IN YOUR EYE
IN THE EVENING.

I DON'T... I DON'T...
I DON'T SEE YOU

COMIN' IN HERE LATE FOR WORK

'CAUSE YOU AND MARY NEVER
GOT AROUND TO BREAKFAST EVEN.

AND NOW YOU'RE... YOU'RE
NOT EVEN GOIN' HOME.

AND FOR WHAT? TO... TO... TO... TO
HAVE SOME BEER WITH SOME GUY

IN SOMEPLACE OR PLAY POOL
WITH FATTY KIRKLE

FROM THE, UH, LOADING DOCK?

HEY, CHARLIE,

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

LISTEN, YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU
JUST AIN'T GOT IT ANYMORE?

I MEAN, IT'S...

IT'S NOT LIKE
I'M NOT INTERESTED, YOU KNOW.

IT'S JUST THAT...
I MEAN, ME AND MARY...

IT'S JUST WE'RE MISSING
SOMEPLACE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

OK, BOYS,

WE CAN ALL GET BACK
ON THE LINES, NOW.

WHAT,
THEY FOUND THE BOMB, HUH?

FALSE ALARM.

NOTHING WENT OFF AND
THAT'S WHAT WE FOUND.
NOTHING.

YOU KNOW
WHAT I THINK?

ONE OF THOSE
STRIKE COMMITTEE HOTHEADS

PUT US UP TO THIS.

BUT THE BOMB SQUAD
IS GONE, HUH, GEORGE?

YEAH, FOR THE TIME BEING.
BUT NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

WAGES CAN'T KEEP UP
WITH INFLATION.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT INFLATION, GEORGE?

IT MAKES A DOLLAR BILL
LOOK LIKE A POSTAGE STAMP.

I DON'T KNOW,
I JUST DON'T KNOW.

GOD KNOWS I TRY.

I THINK IT'S GONNA
BE COLD.

MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID,

"IF YOU KEEP
A NEAT HOUSE

"AND COOK WHOLESOME MEALS,

THAT THE GOOD LORD WILL
LOOK AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE."

OUR HOUSE IS NEAT,

BUT YOU SHOULD SEE
MARJORIE McCANN'S HOUSE.

HER HOUSE IS SO NEAT

THAT YOU CAN
EAT OFF THE FLOOR.

WHICH IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO

BECAUSE HER MOTHER WON'T
LET YOU SIT ON THE FURNITURE.

AND I WATCH YOUR FATHER'S
CHOLESTEROL

NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I DON'T THINK MY MOTHER
UNDERSTOOD THE GOOD LORD

OR ELSE HE LOST THE ADDRESS
FOR THIS HOUSE.

NOW SHOULD I BE WARM
OR SHOULD I BE SEXY?

WARM. CHUCK'LL
JUST HAVE TO SUFFER.

FIRST,
LITTLE HEATHER MISSING...

SHE IS NOT MISSING,
SHE JUST HASN'T COME HOME.

MAYBE SHE'LL BE LIKE ME.

CATHY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
SHE'S ONLY 12 YEARS OLD.

SHE'S SWEET AND SHY,
AND I HOPE SHE STAYS
THAT WAY ALWAYS.

I NEED NEW SHOES.

AND TO TOP IT OFF,
I GOT THIS LETTER TODAY

FROM THE...
FROM THE JUDGE'S OFFICE.

THEY'RE NOT GONNA SEND
GRANDPA TO JAIL.

IT SAYS, "UNLESS YOU GO

FOR YOUR PSYCHIATRIC
COUNSELING SESSIONS,"

THAT THEY SEND YOU TO JAIL.

THEY'LL SEND
ANOTHER LETTER.

EVERYBODY KNOWS
THAT THOSE PEOPLE

JUST LOVE SENDING LETTERS

TELLING YOU
WHAT YOU DIDN'T DO BEFORE.

THEN THEY SEND YOU TO JAIL.

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CHANGE
THE COLOR OF MY NAIL POLISH?

OH, CATHY,
FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

OUR WHOLE FAMILY HAS
FALLEN APART AT THE SEAMS.

YOUR FATHER'S HAVING
BOMB SCARES AT HIS PLANT.

YOUR LITTLE NIECE, MISSING.

GOD KNOWS WHERE SHE IS.

AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
NAIL POLISH.

SHE'S PROBABLY
JUST HIDIN' OVER

AT HER FRIEND'S HOUSE.

I MEAN, THE WAY
Y'ALL PICK ON HER

JUST BECAUSE
SHE'S QUIET, SLOW.

WELL, SHE IS QUIET.

YOU KNOW,
I THINK WATCHING TELEVISION

IS AFFECTING HER HEARING.

I KNOW IT'S AFFECTING
HER EYESIGHT.

STOP THAT.

ARE YOU GONNA STAY
FOR SUPPER?

CAN'T.

OH, I WISH YOU WOULD.

I'D APPRECIATE IT.

WHAT WITH MY FATHER
BEING ACCUSED OF

SEXUAL DELINQUENCY
AND ALL.

NOW, MOTHER,
MY STAYING HOME

IS NOT GOING TO KEEP
GRANDPA OUT OF JAIL.

OR IS IT GONNA
BRING HEATHER HOME.

OR IS IT GONNA STOP MARY
FROM WORRYING ABOUT TOM.

SO WHY SHOULDN'T I
GO OUT?

WHY? YOU ASK WHY?

YES, WHY?

WELL, TO COME TO THINK OF IT,
I DON'T KNOW WHY.

BUT MY MOTHER
ALWAYS SAID...

THAT'S WHY NOBODY
EVER LISTENED TO HER.

'CAUSE GRANDMA GRACE
WAS ALWAYS SAYIN'.

LISTEN, TRAGEDY STRIKES
EVERYBODY.

I MEAN, IF YOU JUST THINK
ABOUT IT,

LIKE, JANET SPRINGER
WHO BROKE HER NOSE

WHILE SHE WAS BEING BAPTIZED.

AND NOW SHE HAS TO FACE
BONE SURGERY.

SO YOU JUST CAN'T THINK
ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

I SUPPOSE.

LISTEN, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ANYTHING. OK? OK?

I'LL... I'LL BE HOME SOON AND
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I HOPE CHUCK APPRECIATES HER
AS MUCH AS I WOULD.

PA!

PA!

WHAT KIND OF VEGETABLES
DO YOU WANT FOR DINNER?

PA?

HE'S NOT THERE.

NOBODY'S HERE.

GOD, YOU... YOU DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND.

I HAVE A NICE DINNER
ALL READY,

ALMOST READY TO GO
ONTO THE TABLE.

I DID THE VACUUMING TODAY.

AND OUR ADDRESS IS

4309 BRATNER.

LORETTA HAGGERS,

I'D KNOW YOU ANYWHERE.

YOU WOULD?

OH, ABSOLUTELY.

MY HUSBAND AND I
HAVE HEARD YOU

AT THE ROSEMONT
BOWLING LANES.

YOU HAVE?

OH, W-WELL,
NOT ACTUALLY HEARD YOU,

BUT... BUT I'VE SEEN
YOUR PICTURE TACKED UP

ON THE BULLETIN BOARD
NEXT TO THE... THE LEAGUE
STANDINGS.

OH, WE'RE... WE'RE ON
THE FERNWOOD SUGAR BOWLERS.

YOU GUYS GET THAT?

'CAUSE OUR SCORES
ARE SO SWEET.

OH, I'M... I'M NURSE PUDNEY.

IT'S SO GOOD TO MEET YOU.

IT'S NICE
TO MEET A FAN.

OH! OH, LISTEN, LORETTA,

COULD I PLEASE HAVE
YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

JUST...
YOU WANT MY AUTO...

PLEASE.
SHE WANTS MY AUTOGRAPH.

YEAH, HONEY.
JUST MAKE IT TO ROSALIE.

ROSALIE, RIGHT.
OH, GREAT.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I HAVE HEARD
A NOTE OR TWO OF YOURS,

BETWEEN BALLS.
AND I'VE LOVED 'EM.

THANK YOU.

WELL, TO BUSINESS.

LISTEN, COULD I... COULD I
PLEASE GET YOU TO FILL...

FILL OUT
THESE FORMS FOR ME?

THERE'S, UH,
COMPANY HEALTH INSURANCE,

AND, UH, PERSONAL HISTORY,
AND, UM,

PRESCRIPTION REIMBURSEMENT,
AND ONE FOR ME

'CAUSE I'M KIND OF NOSY.

OH, GEE.

WELL, HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

AND THE DOCTOR
WILL BE WITH YOU

JUST AS SOON AS HE CAN.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

IT'S NICE...
THANK YOU.

NICE TO MEET A FAN.

TAKE CARE.

HONEY?

I KNOW.

I KNOW, IT'S NEAT.

OH, BOY, THERE SURE ARE
A LOT OF THINGS TO FILL OUT

FOR SOMEBODY WHO DON'T HAVE
NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THEM.

WELL, IT'S NOT SO HARD.

YOU KNOW YOUR OWN NAME,
DON'T YOU?

I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE.
"FULL NAME." ALL RIGHT.

THAT'D BE LORETTA

BILLIE JEAN

SUZANNE

ANTOINETTE.

WON'T ALL FIT, CHARLIE.

WELL, SQUEEZE IT IN, HONEY.

I WONDER WHAT...

CAN'T FIND
MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.

BOWERS McCANDLISS HAGGERS.

ALL RIGHT, "AGE."

OH,
I THINK I'LL PUT DOWN, UM,

WHAT MY MOMMY
USED TO ALWAYS SAY, WHICH WAS,

"IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM
THE TRUTH AT THE BEGINNING,

THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE
TO THEM AT THE END."

THAT WON'T FIT.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE. "HAIR."

DOES YOURS HAVE HAIR?

YEAH.

FILL IN, "PARTIAL."

- NO, I GOTTA WRITE...
- GOING, GOING, GONE.

SCALP.

I'M GONNA PUT "NATURAL DAWN"
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

IT'S A TEENY BIT LIGHTER
THAT IT WAS.

HMM.

MY... I DON'T HAVE ANY
CONCENTRATION HERE, NOW.

CHARLIE.

YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'M TALKIN' SO MUCH,

'CAUSE I'M NERVOUS,
'CAUSE I'M AT THE DOCTOR'S.

'CAUSE I'M AFRAID OF
WHAT HE'S GONNA FIND OUT.

YOU KNOW, SANDY ON
THAT SHOW WAY INTO OUR HEART?

SHE WENT IN JUST TO CHECK
A LITTLE POSTNASAL DRIP,

FOUND OUT SHE HAD INCURABLE
NERVE DISEASE.

MRS., UH, HAGGERS.

I'M DR. FERMIN. IF YOU'LL COME
WITH ME, PLEASE.

CHARLIE, THIS MAY BE
THE FIRST THING

YOU'VE EVER DONE
TO MAKE ME REAL MAD AT YOU.

WELL, GO ON WITH HIM,
HONEY.

LISTEN, HONEY, I'LL... I'LL JUST
FILL OUT THESE FORMS,

AND... AND... AND... WHILE
THE DOCTOR CHECKS YOU OUT.

DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.

NOW, UH,
THAT WASN'T... SO THAT WASN'T

SO HARD, MRS. HAGGERS,
WAS IT?

OH, NO, IT WASN'T HARD 'CAUSE
I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

WHAT I WANT TO KNOW
IS WHAT YOU WAS DOIN'.

HE WOULDN'T TELL ME
WHAT HE WAS DOIN'.

WELL, HE'S THE DOCTOR, HONEY.

I KNOW HE'S THE DOCTOR
AND I'M THE PATIENT,

WHICH IS WHY
I THINK I HAVE A RIGHT
TO KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON.

NOW, MRS. HAGGERS,
DIDN'T YOU SAY
WHEN YOU FIRST CAME IN HERE

YOU DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL, HMM?

I STILL DON'T.
BUT HE TOOK ALL THEM...

HE KEPT TAKING
ALL THESE TESTS
AND JUST GOING "MMM-HMM,

"MMM-HMM, MMM-HMM."

- NOW, LOOK.
- "MMM-HMM."

LOOK, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO GET EXCITED AND
RAISE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE.

HE'S MAKIN' ME RAISE
MY BLOOD PRESSURE

'CAUSE HE WON'T TELL ME
WHAT IT IS.

IT'S PROBABLY SOME
INCURABLE NERVE DISEASE.

I'M SURE IT ISN'T.

DOES THAT MEAN
IT MIGHT BE?

LOOK, IT MEANS I WANT
MRS. HAGGERS

TO GO HOME AND RELAX.

AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT WE FIND OUT

JUST AS SOON AS THE, UH,
LAB REPORTS COME IN.

WHAT IS IT THAT
YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR?

THAT'S WHAT
I WANT TO KNOW.

HOW COME YOU HAVE TO SEND
THE THING OFF TO THE LAB?

NOW THERE'S THE PROOF
RIGHT THERE, YOU SEE?

THE PATIENT TRIES
TO PLAY DOCTOR

AND HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
AND JUST WINDS UP
FRIGHTENING HIMSELF.

HERSELF. I'M A HER.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.
AND, UH,

AHEM, A VERY ATTRACTIVE
HER, IF I MAY SAY SO.

THANK YOU.
I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS.

BUT A HER WHO SHOULD BE HOME
AND TAKING IT EASY.

WELL, WHY SHOULD SHE BE
TAKIN' IT EASY

IF THERE'S NOTHIN'
TO WORRY ABOUT?

'CAUSE DOCTOR SAYS.

MISS WOLASHAK?

HI. I MEAN, YES?

I-I'M RAYMOND LARKIN.

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU REMEMBER,

BUT YOU CAME OVER
TO OUR HOUSE.

YES, I REMEMBER
COMING TO YOUR HOUSE.

BUT I... I COULDN'T
SEE YOU THAT DAY.

NO, YOU'D LOCKED YOURSELF
IN THE BATHROOM.

I MEAN...
OH, PLEASE, SIT DOWN.

A-AFTER YOU.

NO, THE PATIENT, I MEAN
THE CLIENT'S SUPPOSED
TO SIT FIRST.

I'M NOT A PATIENT.

OH, NO, YOU'RE...
SWEET.

I MEAN, YOU'RE... YOU'RE HERE.

LADIES FIRST.

NO, YOU... YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I'M NOT A LADY.
I'M A M.S.W.

M.S.W.?

MIGHTY SWEET WOMAN?

MASTER OF THE SOCIAL WELFARE.

I MEAN, I HAVE MY MASTERS
IN SOCIAL WELFARE.

UH, AS YOU CAN SEE,
I HAVE ALL THESE PAPERS
ON MY DESK.

SO, UH, IF YOU'LL JUST
SIT DOWN, WE CAN CONTINUE.

CONTINUE WHAT?
I JUST GOT HERE.

CONTINUE OUR RELATIONSHIP.

OUR DOCTOR-PATIENT
RELATIONSHIP.

YOU SAID I WAS A CLIENT.

OH, YES, THAT TOO.

UH, IF YOU'LL
PLEASE SIT DOWN.

I... I... I'M NOT STAYING.

YOU'RE NOT?

NO, I... I CAME
TO APOLOGIZE.

I'M WITH A PATIENT.

CL-CLIENT.

CLIENT.

IF YOU'LL JUST
SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE.

I... I WAS APOLOGIZING.

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

UH, NOT THAT I HAVE
ANYTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR,

BUT, UH, YOU SEE,
MARTHA GOT THIS LETTER

FROM, UH, UH,
JUDGE STANLEY'S OFFICE.

YOU REMEMBER JUDGE STANLEY?

OF COURSE I REMEMBER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?
SENILE?

OH, NO.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

IF I SIT DOWN,
WILL YOU SIT DOWN?

TOGETHER.

1...

2, 3.
2, 3

WELL, I... YOU WERE SAYING
ABOUT JUDGE STANLEY?

NO, I WAS SAYING
ABOUT MARTHA

WHO GOT A LETTER
FROM JUDGE STANLEY.

OH, I DIDN'T WANT
TO WRITE THAT.

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE JUDGE STANLEY?

NO, MY REPORT
TO JUDGE STANLEY.

MY INCOMPLETE REPORT ON
YOUR COUNSELING SESSIONS.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT WAS INCOMPLETE
BECAUSE YOU WERE...

LOCKED IN THE JOHN.

EXACTLY.

HEY, I DIDN'T WANT
TO TURN YOU IN.

I MEAN, I... I DIDN'T WANT TO
GET YOU IN ANY TROUBLE.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH, THERE WAS
NO OTHER WAY, DON'T YOU SEE,

TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I MEAN,

TO FINISH MY REPORT
WITHOUT SEEING YOU AGAIN.

SO, UH, THAT 'S WHY
THEY... THEY... THEY WROTE YOU
THE LETTER.

UH, TO MARTHA?

WHO'S MARTHA?

UH, MY DAUGHTER.

I... I LIVE WITH MARTHA AND
HER HUSBAND, WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.

YOU HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING
YOUR SON-IN-LAW'S NAME?

ONLY ON PURPOSE.

I SEE.

YOU SEE, I... I DON'T WANT TO
GET MARTHA IN ANY TROUBLE.

MARTHA'S YOUR DAUGHTER.

YEAH.

DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE
REMEMBERING NAMES?

N-NO, OF COURSE NOT.

UH, CAN'T YOU SEE
ALL THESE PAPERS ON MY DESK?

I'M VERY COMPETENT.
I'M LICENSED.

I... I... I BELIEVE YOU.

UH, ARE YOU COMFORTABLE?

YEAH, I... I GOT A LITTLE
RHEUMATISM IN MY LEFT HIP.

OH, YOU KNOW MY GRANDFATHER
HAD RHEUMATISM.

HE WAS THE SWEETEST MAN.
HE BROUGHT ME UP.

UP TO WHAT?

THAT'S ENOUGH TALK ABOUT ME.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
TALKING ABOUT YOU.

EXCEPT I DIDN'T
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.

OH, IT'S OK.
LOOK, I'M BUSY. WHO?

OH, OH, OH, OK. LOOK,
JUST TELL HER TO WAIT

FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES, OK?
JUST A...

LOOK, THAT'S
MY 6:00 APPOINTMENT.

BUT I WAS... I WAS THINKING...

MISS WOLASHAK,
THEY TOLD ME TO WAIT.

BUT I'M YOUR 6:00,
AND IT'S 6:00.

AND I TOLD THEM THEY
MUST HAVE MADE SOME MISTAKE.

WHO'S THAT?

TH-THAT'S MR. LARKIN.

RAYMOND.

OH, I'M FANNY CRUICKSHANK.

ARE YOU CRAZY, TOO?
CRAZY?

MISS CRUICKSHANK! MR. LARKIN'S
MIND IS SOUND AS A DOLLAR.

WELL, LIKE THEY SAY,
HONEY, WELCOME TO THE CLUB.

I'M PIXILATED.

THAT'S MY SISTER'S WORD.

I LIVE WITH HER.
WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?

MY DAUGHTER AND SON-IN-LAW.

I LIVE WITH MIKE
FOR 30 YEARS.

NEVER SAID "BOO",
JUST CLEAN THE HOUSE

AND SLAVE. UNPAID LABOR.

JUST FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF
HAVING SOMEPLACE TO SLEEP.

WELL, WHO NEEDS IT?

THAT'S WHAT I FINALLY REALIZED
AND SET FIRE

TO THE SERVICE PORCH.

YOU DIDN'T.

BOY, OH, BOY,
SURE IS QUIET IN HERE,
ISN'T IT?

I THOUGHT A LOT OF GUYS
FROM THE PLANT

CAME OVER HERE
AFTER WORK, YOU KNOW,

AND HAD
A COUPLE OF BEERS,

BUT... HMM.

I TRIED TO GET
FATTY KIRKLE TO PLAY ME
A COUPLE OF GAMES OF POOL.

YOU KNOW FATTY KIRKLE?
THE BIG FAT GUY?

NO, I DIDN'T THINK
YOU'D KNOW HIM.

HE WINS A LOT OF
POOL TOURNAMENTS.

PROBABLY, JUST AS WELL,
I DIDN'T SHOW UP.

HE'D PROBABLY BEAT
THE PANTS OFF ME.

BOY, OH, BOY,
IT SURE IS DEAD IN HERE.

HELLO.
WHISKEY, STRAIGHT UP.

OH, HI.

HI, MAE.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S JUST
THE TWO OF US.

THE TWO OF US WHAT?

IN HERE.

OH, YEAH.

I DON'T USUALLY.

I MEAN, COME INTO A BAR.

NEITHER DO I.

I KNOW. I'VE NEVER
SEEN YOU HERE BEFORE.

I MEAN, I FIGURED YOU JUST
WENT STRAIGHT HOME AFTER WORK.

AND YOU NEVER STOPPED OFF
WITH THE GUYS FOR A FEW.

YEAH.

LISTEN, UH,

DO YOU MIND IF I, UH,
JOIN YOU?

OH, NO.

THAT WAY WE DON'T HAVE
TO TALK SO LOUD.

UM, SHOULD I ASK YOU
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE?

OR WOULD THAT BE
A TACTLESS QUESTION?

WELL, YOU CAN ASK.
I, UH,

I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
GOING HOME...

HOME TO DINNER THAT'S ALL.

YEAH, I KNOW THE FEELING.

OF COURSE,
WITH ME IT'S JUST, UH,

A BOILIN' BAG
OR A T.V. DINNER.

THAT'S HOW I STAY SO THIN.

YOU GOT AN APARTMENT
SOMEPLACE, DON'T YOU?

YEAH, THAT'S WHERE IT IS.
SOMEPLACE.

YOU KNOW, UH, WHEN I GOT HOME
FROM WORK TONIGHT, I...

AH! THE T.V. WAS
IN THE REPAIR SHOP,

THE PHONE WAS OUT OF ORDER,

AND THE... AND THE WASTE
DISPOSAL GARBAGE DRAIN
WAS JAMMED,

AND SO I... I JUST...

I JUST BROKE DOWN
AND CRIED FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES

AND... AND THEN I
DECIDED TO COME HERE.

WELL,

NOW THAT I'VE TOLD YOU
MY SAD STORY,

YOU WANNA COME UP
AND SEE

MY... MY JAMMED
WASTE DISPOSAL?

OR MY BUSTED T.V.?

OR WE CAN GO UP AND WATCH
THE HORIZONTAL FLIP

AND THE... AND THE
WASTE KING GRIND.

YEAH, I... I... I COULD TAKE
A LOOK AT IT IF YOU'D LIKE.

I MEAN I'M... I'M
GOOD AT THINGS.

ARE YOU?

YEAH, AT FIXING THINGS.

OH.

YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE REALLY A SWEET GUY.

YEAH?

WELL...

WELL?

MY PLACE?

HERE YOU GO.

UM, HEY, I... I JUST WANT
TO SAY SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW HOW THE GUYS ALL
JOKE ABOUT ME AT THE PLANT.

WELL, THAT'S JUST...

WELL, I DON'T COME IN HERE
ALL THE TIME. I MEAN, I DON'T.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
MY MEETING YOU HERE

WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.

I KNOW.

AND, UM, AND, UH,

I'M ASKING YOU UP TO SHOOT
THE BREEZE OR WHATEVER

BECAUSE, UM,

WELL,

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE HAD
A ROUGH DAY

AND I'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY.

I KNOW.

I... I WANT TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING, TOO.

YEAH?

YOU KNOW I'M MARRIED?

TO YOUR WIFE, RIGHT?

TO MY WIFE.

DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

SURE,
IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

BUT, LIKE THEY SAY,

NOBODY'S PERFECT.