Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

WHAT GOOD COULD WE POSSIBLY BE
TO EACH OTHER,

WITH YOU IN JAIL
AND ME ON CRUTCHES?

WE'LL BE BACK WITH
MORE OF OUR STORY TOMORROW.

HI, CATHY.
HI, SIS.

OH!

THAT JOAN.

SHE IS SO WONDERFUL.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO HER.

SHE'S JUST SO MARVELOUS.

I... I LOVE HER.



I WONDER HOW COME HER HAIR
IS ALWAYS IN PLACE.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED,
THERE'S NEVER ONE
STRAND OUT OF LINE.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THE FLOOR?

SEE THAT GLOW?

WHAT GLOW?

DO... DO YOU MEAN
THE WAXY YELLOW BUILDUP?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THAT CAN'T BE
A WAXY YELLOW BUILDUP.

READ THE CAN.

MARY, YOU'RE LOOKING
AT A WAXY YELLOW BUILDUP.

NO, I'M NOT. I AM LOOKING
AT A LABEL THAT SAYS

THAT CAN'T BE.

MARY,

I'M YOUR SISTER.



AND I'M TELLING YOU
IT'S NOT A WAXY BUILDUP THERE,

IT'S A WAXY BUILDUP THERE.

YOU KNOW,
THESE PEOPLE, I MEAN,

THEY TURN OUT ABOUT
A MILLION CANS A WEEK.

I MEAN, WHO AM I SUPPOSED
TO LISTEN TO, YOU?

WAXY YELLOW BUILDUP.

IT IS A LITTLE YELLOW,
ISN'T IT?

CERTAINLY IS.

ANYWAY, THAT'S NOT WHAT'S
REALLY BOTHERING YOU, IS IT?

CATHY, I WONDER
WHAT ALL THOSE SIRENS ARE.

YOU'D THINK
SOMEONE GOT MURDERED
ON THE NEXT BLOCK.

IT'S TOM.

COME ON, MARY, HOW ARE THINGS
BETWEEN YOU AND TOM?

THEY'RE FINE. 4 SIRENS.

WOULD YOU NEVER MIND
THE SIRENS! TELL ME,
WHAT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE?

LOOK, CATHY,

THERE REALLY IS SOMETHING THAT
I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

LORD, MARY! YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!

WHEW, AM I OUT OF SHAPE!
I'M POOPED AND I ONLY CAME
FROM NEXT DOOR.

HI, CATHY. SORRY TO BARGE IN.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THERE WAS A MASS MURDER
ON THE NEXT BLOCK.

YOU MEAN SOMEBODY TOLD YOU
BEFORE ME?

OH, COME ON, LORETTA.
THAT'S A TERRIBLE JOKE.

WHO'S JOKIN'?
OVER ON MARY-JANE STREET.

MARY-JUNE.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU MEAN MARY-JEAN,
WHERE FORBES GOES INTO

THAT CUL-DE-SAC...
NO, NO, MARY-JEAN'S
ACROSS TOWN, MARY-JUNE'S...

WHATEVER!
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS,

I WAS REHEARSING SOME TUNES
FOR MY NIGHTCLUB ACT,

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
JOYCE CUTLER COMES OVER
POUNDIN' ON MY DOOR,

SHE'S PREGNANT YOU KNOW,
AND I THOUGHT
IT WAS HER TIME.

SHE'S ONLY 6 MONTHS PREGNANT.

WELL, I WASN'T THINKIN'.

ANYWAY, SHE SAYS TO ME,
AND I REMEMBER HER VERY WORDS

JUST LIKE IT WAS 5 MINUTES
AGO, WHICH IT WAS.

SHE SAYS "LORETTA"...

YOU WANT SOME SUGAR IN THAT?
NO.

SHE SAYS, "LORETTA,
SOMETHIN' TERRIBLE'S HAPPENED
OVER ON MARY-JANE STREET."

MARY-JEAN.
MARY-JUNE.

OH, WHATEVER.
ANYWAY, SHE SAYS,

"YOU KNOW THAT NEW FAMILY
OVER THERE, THE LOMBARDI'S?"

AND I SAID, "WELL, NO.
I HADN'T MET 'EM YET."

AND SHE SAYS,
"WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE MET THEM
WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE,

"BECAUSE THEY'RE GONE NOW.

SOMEBODY JUST SHOT 'EM ALL."

OH, MY GOD!

THE WHOLE FAMILY?

ALL 5 OF 'EM,
PLUS 2 GOATS AND 8 CHICKENS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

WHAT KIND OF A MADMAN
WOULD SHOOT 2 GOATS

AND 8 CHICKENS?

AND THE PEOPLE.

THE PEOPLE, OF COURSE!

I KNOW.
OOH, GIVES ME THE SHIVERS.

CATHY, YOU WANT
SOME FRESH COFFEE?
YES.

NOW, YOU SAID JOYCE CUTLER
TOLD YOU THIS, RIGHT?

WASN'T SHE THE ONE
WHO SAW THE FLYING SAUCERS

IN THE SAFEWAY PARKING LOT?

SEE, I THOUGHT THOSE SIRENS
WERE FIRE ENGINES.
WHAT DO YOU TAKE IN THIS?

NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
THOSE WERE AMBULANCES!

IF THOSE PEOPLE WERE MURDERED,

WHY WOULD THEY NEED
AMBULANCES?

WELL, LORD, HONEY,
WHAT'D YOU THINK THEY'S
GOING TO TAKE 'EM AWAY IN,

A PICK-UP TRUCK?

OH, I'M SORRY.
AIN'T THAT AWFUL?

OH, IT'S ALL AWFUL,
IT'S JUST AWFUL.

I WONDER IF I SHOULD HAVE
SOME COFFEE.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
IF THERE'S SOME MANIAC
RUNNIN' LOOSE,

SHOOTING PEOPLE AND CHICKENS?
LORD!

I THINK I WILL.

I WISH YOU WOULD CALM DOWN
'CAUSE
YOU'RE GETTING ME SCARED.

OH, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, GIRLS,

LET'S NOT GET HYSTERICAL.

IT'S NOT AS IF SOME MADMAN'S

GONNA BREAK IN THE BACK DOOR
ANY MINUTE.

SHH!
DID Y'ALL HEAR SOMETHIN'?

OH, LORETTA!

SHH!

DOES YOURS TASTE BITTER?
SHH!

LORD!

DON'T ANSWER IT.

MARY, DON'T!

IT'S A POLICEMAN
OR SOMETHING.

HE'S HOLDING UP A CARD.

HE'S A REPORTER.

HI, UH, I'M FRO...
UH, HAROLD CLEMENS
WITH THE FERNWOOD COURIER.

OH, COME RIGHT IN.
OH, THANKS.

GEE, I'M, UH, SORRY
ABOUT THE NOISE.

HOPE I DIDN'T FRIGHTEN YOU.

I GUESS YOU HEARD
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
OVER ON MARY-JUNE STREET.

MARY-JEAN.
MARY-JUNE. SEE, I TOLD YOU?

OH, YEAH, UM,
DID ANY OF YOU KNOW
THE LOMBARDI'S?

LET ME GET YOU SOME COFFEE?

OH, GREAT. THANKS.

BOY, TALK ABOUT
YOUR LUCKY BREAKS!

I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
COVERING
THE FERNWOOD FLASHER,

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

I GET INVOLVED
IN THIS MASS MURDER!

THE FERNWOOD FLASHER?

YEAH. SOME OLD GUY
WHO GOES AROUND
EXPOSIN' HIMSELF.

YOU KNOW, BING BONG!

FORGET ABOUT THAT. LIKE I SAY,
I'M COVERIN' THE FLASHER,

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
I FALL INTO
AN HONEST TO GOD MASS MURDER!

OH, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I USED TO
ALWAYS GO SHOPPIN'
WITH MRS. LOMBARDI

OVER AT FEDERATED.

ALL RIGHT, UH, GEE, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T, UH, MEAN TO UPSET,
UH, MRS. LOMBARDI'S FRIEND.

I'LL COME BACK LATER.
OH! OH, NO. DON'T GO!

COULD I ASK YOU ONE QUESTION
BEFORE YOU LEAVE?

SURE.

UH, YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN HERE BEFORE?

NO.

DO YOU SEE

ANY WAXY YELLOW BUILDUP
ON THAT FLOOR?

LOOKS FINE TO ME.

♪

♪ FROM NOW ON
YOU'RE GONNA SEE ♪

♪ A DIFFERENT ME ♪

BOY, YOU KNOW
THAT TAMMY WYNETTE,

SHE JUST GETS BETTER
AND BETTER WITH EVERY RECORD,
YOU KNOW THAT?

WELL, WE'VE HEARD IT, CHARLIE,
I MEAN,
WE'VE HEARD IT, YOU KNOW?

WELL, OF COURSE YOU HEARD IT,
IT'S ONE OF HER BIGGEST HITS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THAT
WAS ONLY OUT
A WEEK AND A HALF,

IT WAS ALREADY NUMBER 19
IN CASH BOX, WITH A BULLET.

SO?

SO IT MEANS IT WAS HIT.

MY LORETTA SINGS
TWICE AS GOOD AS SHE DOES,

AND SHE WRITES HER
ALL HER OWN SONGS.

SHE'S GONNA A BIG STAR
SOMEDAY, YOU'LL SEE.

YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT,
DON'T YOU?

YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
BELIEVES IT, IS YOUR WIFE.

MARY BELIEVES IT.

I TELL YOU, WHEN WE
MAKE THAT DEMONSTRATION RECORD

AND WE PLAY IT
FOR THOSE GUYS IN NASHVILLE,

THAT'S GONNA BE IT.

BOY, YOU REALLY GOT
SOMETHIN' GOIN'

WITH THAT LORETTA OF YOURS,
DON'T YOU, HUH?

HEY, CHARLIE.

LISTEN, LET ME ASK YOU
A QUESTION, HUH?

ABOUT THE MUSIC BUSINESS?
NO, NO, NO,
ABOUT YOU AND LORETTA.

I MEAN, UM,

LOOK, ON THE AVERAGE

HOW OFTEN DO YOU...

HMM?

OH, YOU MEAN, UH,

HOW MANY TIMES A WEEK
DO WE, UH...

YEAH.

HOW OFTEN?

5 OR 6 TIMES A WEEK.

COME... COME ON, REALLY.

NO, I MEAN THAT'S NOT
A NUMBER ONE WEEK,
WITH A BULLET IN IT.

BUT YOU JUST SAID "AVERAGE."

5 OR 6 TIMES.

I MEAN, I'M NOT
AS YOUNG AS YOU ARE, TOM.

YEAH.

I MEAN, YOU AND MARY, YOU GOT

SEVERAL YEARS ON ME.

♪ AND JACKIE'S SEEN
IN A DISCOTHEQUE ♪

♪ ♪ DOIN' A BRAND-NEW DANCE ♪

♪ AND THE WHITE HOUSE ♪

WE INTERRUPT OUR MUSIC PROGRAM

TO BRING YOU
THIS SPECIAL BULLETIN.

FERNWOOD POLICE HAVE BEEN
JOINED BY SEVERAL
STATE OF OHIO LAW OFFICERS

IN THE INVESTIGATION OF
THE MASS MURDER OF 5 PEOPLE,

AND THE SLAUGHTER
OF THEIR GOATS AND CHICKENS.

THE CHICKENS AND GOATS
SUFFERED MULTIPLE CONTUSIONS...

COME ON.
HEY.

NOT WHILE I'M EATIN', HUH?

CHARLIE!

DID YOU HEAR
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

TURN ON THE RADIO.
TURN IT ON.
OH, NOW, COME ON NOW, GEORGE!

YOUR SON-IN-LAW CAN TAKE IT,
BUT I CAN'T.

LISTEN, CHARLIE,
I'M NOT TALKIN' ABOUT
THE FERNWOOD FLASHER.

I KNOW, I KNOW, YOU KNOW.

YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT
THE MASS MURDER.
WE JUST HEARD ALL ABOUT IT.

BUT THE DETAILS CAN WAIT.

I MEAN, THIS IS
A PIMENTO LOAF SANDWICH
I'M EATIN' HERE.

WHAT DO YOU GOT, TOM?
CHICKEN WINGS.

WHAT'S WITH YOU GUYS?

5 PEOPLE DIE AND ALREADY
YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT
CHICKENS WINGS.

JEEZ, THEY KILLED
THE CHICKENS, TOO.

5 PEOPLE, CHARLIE!

AND DO YOU KNOW
WHO THEY WERE?

BUCK LOMBARDI, HIS WIFE
AND 3 KIDS, THAT'S WHO.

THAT SOMEBODY WE KNOW?

THE NEW GUY ON THE LINE!

LOMBARDI?

LOMBARDI! AIN'T THAT AWFUL?
OH! MY GOD.

I DIDN'T KNOW
HE KEPT GOATS AND CHICKENS.

NOW, HOW CAN SOMEBODY
DO SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT?

A NICE GUY LIKE THAT, WOW!

THEY KNOW WHO DID IT?

NO SUSPECTS, NO REASONS.

BUT A STRANGE DUCK,
THAT LOMBARDI.

YOU NOTICE HOW HE USED TO
ALWAYS STAY BY HIMSELF?

YEAH.

AN' NOW YOU FIND OUT
THAT HE WAS RAISIN' GOATS.

THAT'S STRANGE.

YEAH, THE ONLY TIME
I EVER SAW HIM
WAS ON OVERTIME.

HE HAD A ZENITH PORTABLE
WITH 2 SPEAKERS.

YOU SHOULD HEAR
JEANNIE C. RILEY
ON 2 SPEAKERS.

STRANGE GUY.

A.C./D.C.

THE RADIO.
YOU COULD PLUG IT IN
OR PLAY IT ON A BATTERY.

IT'S A GREAT SOUND.

CHARLIE,
A GUY GETS MURDERED

AND ALL HE CAN TALK ABOUT
IS THE RADIO.

I MEAN,
THAT TECHNICAL STUFF
IS IMPORTANT, TOM.

YOU SHOULD HEAR LORETTA.

LORETTA WOULD SOUND GREAT
ON 2 SPEAKERS.

- GOATS?
- HMM.

AND THAT'S WHY I'M SAVIN' UP
ALL THIS MONEY.

SO WE CAN GET
REAL GOOD ENGINEERS,

AND THE BEST MUSICIANS
FOR THE DEMONSTRATION RECORD.

CHICKENS.

WELL, MARY BELIEVES IN HER.

MARY SAYS
SHE'S GONNA BE A SUPERSTAR.

OH, YEAH,
THAT REMINDS ME, TOM

HAS MARY BEEN FEELIN'
ALL RIGHT LATELY?

YEAH, WHA-WHAT MAKES YOU
ASK THAT? WHY?

BECAUSE SHE HAPPENS TO BE
MY DAUGHTER, THAT'S WHY.

COME ON,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA PULL
FATHER-IN-LAW ON ME, HUH?

NO, BUT HER MOTHER
ASKED ME TO ASK YOU.

IT SEEMS THAT SHE THINKS
THAT MARY IS WORRIED
ABOUT SOMETHIN'.

I HAVEN'T NOTICED IT.

OH, YEAH?
YEAH.

THEN MAYBE IT WAS, UH,
MARTHA'S IMAGINATION.

OH, YEAH?

"INSERT CARTRIDGE

BULLET", HMM,

"INTO CHAMBER.

"CLOSE CHAMBER.

"EXTEND WEAPON

AT FULL ARM'S LENGTH
WITH BOTH HANDS, AND..."

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?
WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?

WHAT'S THE GUN FOR?

WHAT? IT'S FOR PROTECTION.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T WANT WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE LOMBARDI'S
TODAY TO HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY.

IS IT LOADED?

WELL, SURE, OF COURSE.

WOULDN'T BE MUCH HELP
IF IT WASN'T LOADED,
NOW WOULD IT, HUH?

IT'S NOT LIABLE TO GO OFF
OR ANYTHING, IS IT?

WHAT? THINK I'D LEAVE IT
THERE IF IT WAS?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT TRYIN' TO PUT
MY FAMILY IN DANGER,

I'M TRYIN'
TO PROTECT MY FAMILY.

WHY?
WHY, WHAT?

WHY'RE YOU TRYIN'
TO PROTECT YOUR FAMILY?

I'M TRYIN'
TO PROTECT MY FAMILY

BECAUSE I LOVE MY FAMILY,
THAT'S WHY.

LET'S SEE.

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

NOTHING.

CUT IT OUT.

C'MON, I WANNA READ.
CUT IT OUT.

CUT IT OUT.

THERE'S NO LAW
AGAINST OUR MAKING LOVE,
YOU KNOW.

WE'RE MARRIED.
I KNOW.

WE HAVE A LICENSE.
OK, OK, OK.

SO THEN,
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH IT.

WHEN I FEEL LIKE
MAKIN' LOVE TO YOU,
I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU.

IT'S BEEN 5 WEEKS, TOM.

YOU MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T
FELT LIKE IT IN 5 WEEKS?

IT HASN'T BEEN 5 WEEKS.

I DON'T APPEAL TO YOU ANYMORE.

DON'T BE SILLY.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

ALL I'M ASKING IS,

WHY YOU HAVEN'T

OK, YOU WANNA KNOW.
D'YOU WANNA KNOW?
DONE ANYTHING.

HUH?

YEAH.
I'M GONNA TELL YA,
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YA!

OK.

IT'S BECAUSE EVERY TIME
I FEEL LIKE DOIN' SOMETHIN',
YOU DO IT FIRST, THAT'S WHY.

SO?

IT KILLS EVERYTHING.

WHAT?

IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
NOT DOIN' ANYTHING.

YOU MEAN, BECAUSE I DO IT
INSTEAD OF YOU DOING IT?

YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT EXACTLY. EXACTLY.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE,
WHO DOES IT FIRST?

THAT'S NOT THE WAY
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

I MEAN,
THE LION IN THE JUNGLE,
WHEN HE SHAKES HIS MANE...

WAIT A MINUTE.

I READ AN ARTICLE
IN READER'S DIGEST,

AND IT SAID THAT THINGS
ARE VERY DIFFERENT
NOWADAYS. AND...

I DON'T... I DON'T CARE
WHAT READER'S DIGEST SAYS.

NOW, YOU WANNA MAKE LOVE
TO READER'S DIGEST,

YOU GO FIND THE GUY
WHO WROTE THE ARTICLE,
AND YOU MAKE LOVE TO HIM.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
IF I WANNA MAKE LOVE
TO MY HUSBAND?

NOTHIN'.

NOTHING?
THAT'S RIGHT.

AND WHEN I FEEL LIKE
DOIN' IT, I'LL DO IT.

AND WHEN'LL THAT BE?

WHEN I TELL YOU,
THAT'S WHEN.

NOW LOOK,
ALL I'M SAYIN' IS,

YOU WANNA EXPRESS
THOSE URGES, YOU WAIT.

AND WHEN I'M READY,
YOU... AND IF YOU LEAVE ME
ALONE, I'LL BE READY.

AND THEN YOU COULD
EXPRESS 'EM
TILL YOU COME APART.

MEANWHILE, ACT LIKE A WOMAN.

AND DO NOTHING?
THAT'S RIGHT. STAY PUT.

AND THEN WHEN I FEEL
LIKE DOIN' IT, I'LL DO IT.

BUT I DON'T FEEL
LIKE DOIN' IT
WHEN YOU'RE DOIN' IT.

GOODNIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

HONEY?

YEAH, HONEY.

CHARLIE,
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING
IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

THAT YOU WANTED
FOR BREAKFAST,
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?

'CAUSE I'M GONNA GET UP
FROM HERE

AND FIX YOU
THE GREATEST BREAKFAST.

WELL, BACON AND EGGS'LL
BE FINE.

YOU'RE SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE
SOME HICKORY-SMOKED SAUSAGE,

OR SOME LIGHT,
FLUFFY PANCAKES,

OR HOT BUTTERED BISCUITS,

OR OATMEAL,

OR SAUSAGE, OR...

BACON AND EGGS'LL BE FINE.

AND A HUG AND A KISS.

HONEY, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE NOT SORRY?

SORRY ABOUT WHAT, BABY BOY?

BABY BOY.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT SORRY
YOU MARRIED ME?

ME BEIN' 43 AND ALL.

AND ME BEING 22 AND ALL?

OH, CHARLIE,
HOW COULD I BE SORRY?

I LOVE YOU.

ANYWAY, I WAS THE ONE
THAT ASKED YOU
TO MARRY ME, REMEMBER?

AND YOU SAID YES BEFORE
YOU EVEN KNEW I COULD SING.

OTHERWISE I'D THINK
YOU'D MARRIED ME FOR ALL
THE MONEY I'M GONNA MAKE.

OH, CHARLIE, YOU'RE JUST
MY BIG OL' BABY BOY.

LORETTA,

IF YOU AREN'T THE CUTEST,
SWEETEST THING

THAT EVER HAPPENED
TO A BALD MAN,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

HELL, IT'S NO WONDER
I'M WORKIN' MY BUTT OFF
FOR YOU.

IF I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF,
WE'RE GOING TO GET THAT $510.

AND YOU ARE GONNA MAKE
THAT DEMONSTRATION RECORD.

AND WE'RE GONNA PLAY IT
FOR THOSE BIG SHOTS
IN NASHVILLE,

AND YOU ARE GONNA BE A STAR.

WHICH, BY THE WAY,
I ALMOST GOT THE MONEY
ALREADY.

YOU DID?
SO YOU JUST GET YOUR...

OH, CHARLIE!

I LOVE YOU.

AND I LOVE YOU TOO, HONEY.

IN CASE I DIDN'T GET
THAT MESSAGE ACROSS.

OK, ONE FIRST CLASS
BREAKFAST COMIN' UP.

JUST LIKE
AT THE PANCAKE HOUSE,

WITH THE BEST POT OF COFFEE
YOU EVER HAD!

MMM, MMM.

DOESN'T TASTE
LIKE COFFEE TO ME.

OH, CHARLIE!

CHARLIE HAGGERS,
YOU ARE TERRIBLE!

JUST TERRIBLE.

OH, HONEY!

THAT REMINDS ME.

I'M GONNA LOAD UP
THE SHOTGUN
BEFORE I TAKE OFF.

YOU KNOW, ON ACCOUNT OF
WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENIN'

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND ALL.

I WANT YOU TO KEEP
IT HANDY, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, JUST IN CASE.

I LOVE YOU, BABY BOY.

OW!

OH.

I 'M SORRY, TOM,
I-I'M AFRAID THAT

THERE'S A SLIGHT PROBLEM
WITH BREAKFAST.

WELL, THAT'S OK, HONEY.
I'M...

I'LL GET SOME COFFEE
AT THE PLANT,

AND I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT,
OK?

OK.

SORRY.

TOM.

HOW COME THE ONLY TIME
YOU EVER KISS ME ANYMORE IS

IN THE MORNING
2 MINUTES BEFORE YOU
HAVE TO GO TO WORK?

FORGET I SAID THAT.

HI, MOM.

LISTEN, I'M REALLY IN A RU...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHO DIED?

WHO'S THAT?

MA, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.

WELL, I THINK
IT IS THE POINT.

LISTEN, MA,
I REALLY GOT TO GO NOW.
I'LL SPEAK TO YOU LATER.

MA, I TOLD YOU, I'M VERY BUSY

RIGHT NOW...
MA'AM?

HELLO?
HELLO. MRS. HARTMAN?

YES?

THIS IS SGT. FOLEY AT
THE FERNWOOD POLICE STATION.

THE POLICE STATION?

UH, LARKIN
GAVE US YOUR NUMBER

AFTER WE WERE UNABLE TO
REACH ANYONE
AT HIS HOME NUMBER.

GRANDPA LARKIN'S
AT THE POLICE STATION?

YES, HE IS.

I... IS HE ALL RIGHT?

WELL, NOT EXACTLY.

WAS HE HURT? I MEAN,
WHAT DID HE HAVE, AN ACCIDENT?

NO, HE'S NOT HURT.

AND WHAT HAPPENED,
I'M AFRAID,
WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, I'M AFRAID
HE DID IT DELIBERATELY.

THAT'S WHY HE WAS ARRESTED.

WHAT WAS HE ARRESTED FOR?

INDECENT EXPOSURE.

INDECENT EXPOSURE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M AFRAID, MRS. HARTMAN,
YOUR GRANDFATHER
IS THE FERNWOOD FLASHER.

LISTEN, UH,

UM...

I CAN'T TALK NOW,
I... I'M ON THE PHONE.

MRS. HARTMAN?

MRS. HARTMAN?

MRS. HARTMAN?

MRS. HARTMAN?

HERE ARE SOME SCENES
FROM THE NEXT EPISODE

OF MARY HARTMAN,
MARY HARTMAN.

UH, I'M MARY HARTMAN.

MARY HARTMAN.

GOOD MORNING.

I'M HERE
ABOUT MY GRANDFATHER.

UH... UH, HE'S BEEN ARRESTED.

AND YOU'RE HERE
TO GET HIM OUT?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
IS THAT IT?

COULD I SEE HIM, PLEASE?

I'LL FIGHT THIS THING
RIGHT UP TO
THE SUPREME COURT.

I'M INNOCENT.
SURE YOU ARE.

JUST TELL ME ONE THING.

OH, THE OLD 3RD DEGREE, HUH?
OK, GO AHEAD.

BUT I'M NOT TALKIN'.

JUST INCREDIBLE.

FERNWOOD FLASHER.

MASS MURDERS.

GOATS.

CHICKENS.

AND MY FLOOR IS YELLOW.

FLASHING?
WHAT WAS HE FLASHING?

OH, BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL.
THAT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.

AND... AND NO-NOW, YOU KNOW
AND SHE KNOWS AND HE KNOWS.

NOW, TELL ME.

IS THERE ANY PEANUT BUTTER?