Martin Chuzzlewit (1994): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode One - full transcript

[Music playing]

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

[Dramatic music playing]

Robson, your master is unwell.

We must stop at the very next village you come to.

Right you are, miss.

He is ill.

We need a bedroom, if you please.

Take the gentleman to the first floor front, Mark.

Right, Mrs. Lupin.

Shall I call a doctor



or the apothecary in the next village?

No. No doctors, no apothecaries.

Here, pa. Brandy and water.

That'll do. I'm better.

Oh!

[Laughter]

And I have some news for you.

Oh.

I'm glad to report that I've found another student

to replace the ingrate Westlock.

Oh, pa!
Who is he?

A young man, anxious to avail himself

of the eligible opportunity which now offers

for uniting the best practical architectural education



with the comforts of a home and a family

of the highest moral standards.

As per advertisement.

Is he handsome, pa?

Oh, silly Merry. What's the premium, pa?

Gracious, Charity, what a mercenary girl you are.

Girls, girls, girls.

[Both laugh]

He's well-looking enough.

I do not expect any immediate premium with him.

Have you seen your grandpapa like this before, miss?

Many times.

But he's not my grandfather.

Father, I should have said.

He's not my father or my uncle.

Or my husband.

We are not related.

Oh! Uh, why it's...

a providence you have the medicine, then.

We never travel without them.

Bring me my writing case.

And move the candle nearer.

Martin, you should rest.

Bring it, I tell you!

The young lady's right, sir. You're in no fit state to be writing.

And what business is it of yours, ma'am?

Ahem. No business, sir, except common sense and Christian charity.

I want to see you get better.

Hmm. Very solicitous.

But you begin too soon.

You do your errand, and you earn your fee.

Who is your client?

My client, sir? What do you mean?

Hush, Martin.

Consider how short a time we've been in this house

and quite by chance.

Even your name is unknown here.

Didn't you say this place was called Little Hadding?

Ah. Then there is someone here

who knows my name.

Has the reprobate departed yet?

He goes to London tonight by the mail coach.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

I--I beg your pardon for intruding, Mr. Pecksniff.

Pray be seated, Mr. Pinch, but have the goodness to shut the door.

Thank you, sir.

But...Mr. Westlock is here, too, sir,

and, l-leaving tonight for good and all,

wishes to leave none but friends behind.

Oh, Mr. Pinch, Mr. Pinch,

I have not deserved this of you.

Come, Mr. Pecksniff,

don't let there be any ill will

between us at parting.

I bear no ill will to any man on earth.

I told you he didn't.

You'll shake hands, then.

No, John, I will not shake hands.

I have forgiven you.

I have embraced you in the spirit, John,

which is better than shaking hands.

What did I tell you?

As for your forgiveness,

I'll not have it upon such terms.

Charity: For shame!

Oh, but you must. You have no choice.

I forgave you even as you wronged me with your reproaches.

I wronged you?

Here's a pretty fellow.

What about the £500 you had from me

for teaching me nothing?

Or the £70 a year for board and lodging

which would have been dear at 17?

I forgave you.

Just as I forgive the thoughtless person

who introduced you to my quiet hearth tonight,

disturbing its peace and harmony.

Mr. Pecksniff, I--

Nay.

I beg that individual not to offer a remark just now.

In time, I trust, I shall have sufficient fortitude

to converse with him as if these events had never happened.

But not now.

Not now.

Bah!

Come, Pinch. It's not worth thinking of.

Ladies, good night.

A message from the Blue Dragon, sir.

[Dramatic music playing]

Both hands, Tom. Both hands.

Good-bye...
My dear fellow.

I'll write to you from London, mind.

I can hardly believe you're going.

Seems but yesterday you came.

It was 5 years.

5 wasted years...

but for the pleasure of knowing you.

Good-bye, John.

Good-bye, Tom.

Man: Get on!
Whoopah!

[Horse neighs]

Good evening, Mrs. Lupin.

Good evening, Mr. Pecksniff.

I--I am so very glad you have come.

I am so very glad I have come, Mrs. Lupin, if I can be of service.

What is the matter?

An elderly gentleman taken ill upon the road

has been so very bad upstairs, sir.

A gentleman taken ill upon the road

has been so very bad upstairs, has he?

Well, well. And how is he now?

I am very much afraid, sir,

that his conscience is troubled

by his not being related to...or married to

the young lady who is with him.

You mean young person, Mrs. Lupin.

Young person, sir, yes. I do beg your pardon.

I have been so rushed tonight, I don't know what I say,

but to be sure, she looks and acts just like a lady.

Appearances are often deceptive.

I will wait upon these travelers, Mrs. Lupin.

This looks artful...

Very artful, Mrs. Lupin.

Shall I knock, sir?

No.

[Unlatches door]

What gentleman is this?

Don't trouble yourself, ma'am.

This young, eh...stranger will excuse me

for replying briefly that I reside in this village.

It may be in an influential manner, however undeserved,

and I was summoned here by you.

I am here as I am everywhere, I hope,

in sympathy with the sick and sorry.

You are Martin Chuzzlewit!

Yes...

I am Martin Chuzzlewit.

And Martin Chuzzlewit wishes you were hanged

before you'd come here to disturb him in his sleep.

My good cousin, I--

There, with his very first words,

he proclaims his relationship to me.

I knew he would. They all do it.

Near or distant, blood or water,

it's all one.

Ugh!

Pray...compose yourself, Mr. Chuzzlewit.

And you, mistress, I knew you were his spy!

A spy?
Martin, hush!

Do not be hasty, Mr. Chuzzlewit.

I assure you Mrs. Lupin had no idea we were related.

Bah.

I came here to succor a stranger, so I thought,

and I have just that amount of interest in you

as I should feel in any stranger circumstanced as you are,

no more...and no less.

Hmm?

Oh, I--I beg your pardon.

I thought you spoke.

Mrs. Lupin, I am not aware that I can be of any further service here.

Shall we converse as strangers, then?

If that would be a relief to you, sir.

Leave us alone.

I am a wealthy man.

Wealthier than my brother Anthony, for instance.

He gets some pleasure from hoarding his money.

Mine has brought me nothing but misery.

It has poisoned every tie of family or friendship.

No one loves me for myself...

Only for what they hope to get out of me.

Mr. Chuzzlewit, I can assure you--

I thought we were strangers.

Hear me out.

For years...

I've been pestered by a horde of avaricious relatives,

all clamoring for my attention,

all staking a claim on my estate.

The young girl, whom you saw just now...

And whom I see you hate already...

My dear sir, I--

she is an orphan...

whom I adopted to be my companion.

Her name is Mary Graham.

I have made, as she knows, a solemn vow

not to leave her so much as sixpence when I die.

But while I live, I make her a modest annual allowance,

so she is bound to me in life by self-interest...

but has nothing to gain from my death.

That's the only kind of friend I have now.

Or will ever have.

Now leave me.

And judge how pointless it would be

for you to return.

I will leave you, sir.

But before I go...

I must speak.

I will not say that you are mistaken in me.

While you are in your present mood, it would be in vain.

But I owe it to myself and to my character

to tell you on behalf of another

that your conduct is wrong, unnatural, indefensible...

Monstrous.

What other?

Your grandson, sir.

Your namesake, who has the strongest natural claim upon you

and from whom, I believe, you are estranged.

Why should you plead for him?

It is mere natural justice.

You must provide for that young man.

You will provide for him.

Perhaps...

You have already done so.

I pray you have.

Good night, Mr. Chuzzlewit.

[Dramatic music playing]

[Rooster crows]

[Church organ plays]

I wouldn't bother going up there if I were you.

I beg your pardon?

Well, the door's locked, and the key is in the keyhole.

Are you insinuating that I would stoop--who are you?

Just the question that was on the tip of me own tongue.

Well, you can't be his niece's husband,

because he's been here already.

What?

Wait a bit.

Are you the cousin who lives in this place?

Pecksniff?

That is my name.

I beg your pardon, sir.

Montague Tigg...

At your service, sir.

You behold in me, sir,

a man who also has an interest in the gentleman upstairs.

Are you...related to him?

Not exactly. No, sir,

but my friend and associate, Mr. Chevy Slyme,

is his nephew twice removed.

You know Mr. Slyme, I believe.

I am aware of his existence.

Then now's your chance to make his acquaintance.

Chev!

Chev...

Mr. Pecksniff.

Mr. Pecksniff...Mr. Chevy Slyme, Esquire.

Now, you two are related,

and relatives never agree, I know,

but if I may be so bold,

you have everything to gain by combining with the others.

[Whispering]

Yes, Chev, I shall come to that presently.

I'm sure Mr. Pecksniff would think nothing

of so trifling a loan as a crown piece toward a man of your talents.

You spoke of others. What others?

Well, there's Anthony Chuzzlewit, his brother,

and his son Jonas, to begin with.

They are here?

And the other brother's widow with her 3 daughters...

And the Spottletoes.

The Spottletoes?!

The Spottletoes, yes.

Word has got around, you see, Mr. Pecksniff.

The whole family is pouring into the village by the hour.

Upon my soul, this is scandalous.

It is! Scandalous.

And the old gentleman upstairs,

at death's door for all we know,

his grandson disinherited,

a fortune going begging,

and we can't get anywhere near him.

Meanwhile, he is pouring his confidence

into the bosom of a stranger.

You refer to his paid companion and nurse, I presume.

[Both snicker]

Companion and nurse.

You may depend upon it, sir.

She has her eye on the main chance.

There may be something in what you say.

Of course there is!

That's why we must combine forces

against her influence!

Chev, my dear fellow,

go outside and see what kind of a day it is, would you?

Perhaps I should convene a family council.

Capital idea.

Capital.

[Door closes]

Meanwhile, you heard Chev whisper me, I think.

Only a mere trifling 5 shillings

to be repaid punctually next week, that's the best of it.

You heard that?

You're not in want of change, are you?

No, thank you, I'm not.

Good day to you.

Because if you had been, I would have got it for you!

Perhaps you would rather not lend Slyme 5 shillings.

I would much rather not.

Would you have the same objection

to lending me 5 shillings?

I would.
Not even half a crown?

Not even half a crown.

Why, then we come to the ridiculously small amount

of 18 pence.

That would be equally objectionable.

Then let me tell you, Mr. Pecksniff...

You are the most remarkable and consistent man

that ever I have met,

and I hope for the honor of your future acquaintance.

Be sure to let us know about the family council.

A message will always find us here.

Has it started yet?

No, not yet.

This does me good.

It does my daughters good.

We thank you for assembling here.

You assume too much to yourself, Pecksniff.

[Murmurs of agreement]

I'm no stranger to your preposterous desire

to be regarded as the head of this family.

And I suppose you claim that distinction for yourself, Mr. Spottletoe.

Well, I--I don't say--

As the widow of Mr. Martin Chuzzlewit's eldest brother--

and a happy release it was for him, too.

Come, girls!

I have not come here to be insulted

by a notorious debauchee!

Friends, friends, I beseech you.

Ladies, pray be seated.

Gentlemen, please.

I'm not sorry this little incident has happened.

It's good to know that we have no reserve before each other

and are appearing freely in our own characters.

Don't you be a hypocrite, Pecksniff!

A what, my dear sir?

You heard me.

A hypocrite.

Charity, when I take my chamber candlestick tonight,

remind me to be more than usually particular

in praying for Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit,

who has done me an injustice.

Can we get down to the business of this meeting?

Quite so. I am grateful to Mr. Jonas Chuzzlewit

for his pertinent intervention.

Our business is to consider how to open the eyes

of our valued relative to the--

to the, um...

Go on, pa.

Why, the--the truth is, my dear,

that I'm at--I'm at a loss for a word.

The name of those fabulous creatures--

pagan, I regret to say--

that used to sing in the waters

quite escaped me.

Swans?

No, not swans.

Very like swans, though.

Oysters.

[Snorts]

Ah, no, but by no means unlike oysters.

An excellent suggestion. Thank you.

Wait.

Sirens...sirens.

Yes, I--I was going to say that we must release our valued relative

from the siren spell of this young female

whose position in reference to himself is so scandalous.

[Murmurs of agreement]

What then?

What happens after we've got rid of the girl?

I submit to you, my friends,

whether we might not remove Mr. Chuzzlewit's distrust of us all

by pleading the cause...Of his grandson.

A young man for whom I have a deep regard.

What's your game, Pecksniff?

My game, sir?

I assure you, I have the most disinterested motives.

Sir, this is a family conference.

I am not aware that you are a member of this family.

Only by association with Mr. Slyme, I grant you.

But knowing the subject of your discussion,

I thought you might be interested to know

that the bird has flown.

What is your meaning, sir?

According to the hostler at the Blue Dragon,

the old man and the young woman

departed in their carriage an hour ago

and left no forwarding address!

Come, Chev!

You were privy to this, sir!

He's decoyed us here with this charade of a meeting

so the pair could make their escape!

I assure you, I knew nothing about it.

Tah! Come, my dear.

Let us not linger in this house of deceit!

Outrageous!

[Indignant murmuring]

Deaf cousin: What did he say?

I believe you, Pecksniff.

For once!

Poor papa!

To be insulted by those odious people.

And after all your efforts to pour oil on troubled waters.

And the old man, spirited away by that hussy!

Nobody knows where! That's the worst of it.

Never mind, my dears.

It may be just as well he is not in residence

when my new pupil arrives.

The new pupil!
Who is he?

You are to meet him in the King's Arms at half past 1:00.

His name is Martin.

Mr. Martin. Right, sir.

Oh, and, Pinch...don't say anything

about the old gentleman that was at the Blue Dragon.

Leave that to me.

Very well, Mr. Pecksniff.

Um...

You may, um...treat the young man

to, um...

some refreshment.

And yourself, too.

Thank you, Mr. Pecksniff.

Walk on.

[Whistling]

Mark Tapley. I didn't recognize you.

How spruce you look. And in good spirits, too, by the sound of you.

Oh, well, any man may be in good spirits when he's well-dressed.

If I was very ragged and very jolly,

then I should begin to think I'd gained a point, Mr. Pinch.

I'm going to Salisbury. Will you get in?

Thank you, Mr. Pinch.

Walk on.

I thought, seeing you looking so smart, Mark,

perhaps you were going to be married.
No.

I'm going to look for a new position.

You're leaving the Blue Dragon? Why?

There's no credit to be gained at The Dragon, sir.

Any man could be jolly there.

It's the snuggest, friendliest tavern in the country.

From what I've heard, you yourself have done much to make it so.

You only know the half of it, sir.

I don't believe there was ever a man

as could come out so strong under circumstances

that will keep other men miserable as I could.

If I could only get a chance.

So you're going to look for a miserable position.

That's right, sir.

I was thinking of something in the grave-digging way.

Good gracious.

Oh, it's a good damp, wormy sort of business,

and there might be some credit in being jolly

with one's mind in that pursuit.

On my word, you're the strangest young man

I ever met in my life.

What does Mrs. Lupin think about you leaving?

I haven't broke it to her yet.

I always supposed you and she would make a match of it one of these days.

So did everyone in the village.

I never said nothing as was in a direct way courting-like to her.

Nor she to me.

But I don't know what I mightn't say one of these odd times

and what she mightn't say in answer.

Which is another reason why I must change my situation...

Before it's too late!

If you'd just drop me around the next bend, Mr. Pinch,

I can make my own way to the cemetery.

[Laughter and chatter]

Very cold.
Yes, sir.

No, don't disturb yourself, I beg.

We both seem to be rather particular about the time.

The fact is, I have an engagement to meet a gentleman here.

And so have I...

At half past 1:00.
At half past 1:00.

I am early, as you see.
You must be Mr. Pinch.

And you must be Mr. Martin.

I am very glad you turn out to be the party I was expecting.

I was thinking but a minute ago

I could wish him to be like you.

I had the same thought.

You and I will get on excellently well, I know,

which is no small relief to me,

for I'm not the sort of fellow who can get on with everybody.

Do me a favor to ring the bell, would you?

And allow me to order us a glass of punch apiece.

We may usher in our friendship in a becoming manner.

With all my heart...

But I must treat you, for Mr. Pecksniff bade me do so.

[Rings bell]
Did he. That was civil of him.

He's a sort of relation of mine, you know.

No, I didn't know. Is Martin your Christian name, then?

Of course. I wish it were my surname,

for mine is not a pretty one.

It takes a devil of a time to sign.

It is Chuzzlewit.

Indeed! Then--

What?

Truly, you're not surprised at my having 2 names?

Most people do.

No. Heh.

No, not at all.

[Rings bell]

Martin: That's a pretty church.

Isn't it? And it has the sweetest little organ you ever heard.

I play it for them.

And how much do you get paid for that?

Oh, nothing.
Nothing?!

Well, you are a strange fellow.

Well, I mean, I get no money for it.

I'm well rewarded, though,

because I get a great deal of pleasure out of playing...

And it led to something else the other day.

It led to my seeing one of the loveliest faces

you can possibly imagine.

A female one, I presume?

She came for the first time very early in the morning,

when it was hardly light.

I almost believed her to be a spirit.

I saw her in the mirror. She was beautiful.

I went on playing so that she
should not think I had noticed her,

and after a while, she glided away.

I went on playing until she was out of hearing.

And did she come back?

Indeed she did...
Early in the morning,

sometimes in the evening, always alone,

until the day before yesterday, when she didn't come.

And I haven't seen her since.

Didn't you follow her when she left the church?

No. Why should I do that?

[Laughs]

Is it likely she wanted my company?

No. She only came to listen to the organ.

I don't suppose I shall ever see her again.

But I shall never forget her.

She had the sweetest face you ever saw.

I doubt it, Pinch.

Whoa.

[Thump]

[Door unlatches]

Pinch: ...with his daughters.

Just follow me, Martin.

[Approaching footsteps]

[Knock on door]

Mr. Chuzzlewit is here, Mr. Pecksniff.

Bless my life! Here already.

Martin, my dear boy, I am delighted to welcome you

to my humble abode.

And I am very pleased to be here.

These are my 2 daughters, Martin,

living reminders to me of their dear, departed mother.

Charity, who is sometimes called Cherry

in the intimacy of the family circle...

Miss Charity.

and her younger sister Mercy,

familiarly known as Merry, and very appropriately, too.

Oh, pa!

Miss Mercy.

Oh.

Nay, nay, girls.

Why do you blush when detected in your everyday pursuits?

Cherry is making nightcaps for the parish poor,

and Merry is dressing a doll for a neighbor's child.

We were going to have a proper reception for you, Martin,

in our little room of state,

but I like this better.

I like this better.

And how has our friend here been using you, Martin?

Very well, indeed, sir.

We are on the very best of terms, I assure you.

Tom Pinch.

Honest, faithful Tom Pinch.

How many years have we walked together

down life's pathway? Hmm?

Not so many that we've tired

of each other's company, I'll warrant, eh, Tom?

Oh, no, sir. Indeed not, sir.

Well, well.

Now, Martin, so that you'll feel at home

within these 4 walls,

let me show you how we live and where.

Thank you.

Our little room of state.

Videlicet, the best parlor.

Portrait of myself.

By Spiller.

Bust...by Spoker.

A very good likeness.

So others have told me.

I seem to recognize something about the--

the left-hand corner of the nose, myself.

Hmm.

Hmm?
Hmm.

No.

But then again...why not?

My daughters' room.

A poor first-floor to us, but a bower to them.

Very neat. Very airy.

Plants, you'll observe.

Hyacinths.

Books...

Birds.

Charming.

This is a room where some talent has been developed, I believe.

Some architects have been bred in this room, eh, Mr. Pinch?

[Panting] Yes, Mr. Pecksniff.

Indeed, sir.

Some traces of our labors here, eh, Martin?

[Chuckles]

Salisbury Cathedral from the north,

from the south...

From the east...

[Chuckles]

From the west...

From the southeast...

From the northwest...

Plans, elevations...

Oh, every kind of thing.

I can't wait to start work.

It was very generous of you to defer the premium.

Oh, eh...

Family feeling...Martin.

Family feeling.

One day, you'll be restored

to your proper station in life, I'm sure.

Well...

Your own room is next door.

You share with Mr. Pinch.

A southern aspect...

A charming prospect.

Would you not agree, Mr. Pinch?

[Panting]

[Rooster crows]

Ah, good morning, Martin.
Mr. Pinch.

Good morning, sir.
Miss Charity. Miss Mercy.

Pray, help yourself to breakfast.

Thank you.

Would you be so good as to pass me the bacon?

Martin...

That is Mr. Pecksniff's own particular bacon.

Of course.

I am sorry to desert you so soon after your arrival, Martin,

but I am summoned--mm--

I am summoned to London.

Martin: Oh.
On business.

I understand.

I am even sorrier to deprive you

of the company of my fair daughters.

Really, papa, why should Mr. Chuzzlewit miss us?

But I must redeem a promise to take them with me.

We take the mail coach tonight.

Indeed. I hope the young ladies will enjoy their trip.

Why, of course we shall.
I can't wait.

Just think, Cherry--the parks, the shops!

Ardent child.
Heh heh heh.

Personally, I have no great desires

for the vanities of London, but...

I must go, I suppose, to keep Merry company.

Don't insinuate that I am vain, Cherry.

Ha ha ha ha.

But, Martin, um--ahem--

how will you...

occupy yourself while I'm away?

Hmm? Suppose you give me your idea...

Of a cowhouse?

A cowhouse?

Or a lamppost?

I have found that a lamppost

is calculated to refine the mind

and give it a classical tendency.

Whatever you think fit, sir.

Stay.

Since you are ambitious and a very neat draftsman,

as I've seen from the sketches you've sent me,

you shall try your hand at these proposals

for a grammar school,

regulating your plan to the printed particulars.

Merely as a--as an exercise, of course.

[Laughing] Upon my word,

it should be a great amusement to me

to see what you make of the grammar school.

Mr. Pecksniff?
Yes, Mr. Pinch?

Since you are going to London,

I wonder if you would be so good

as to deliver a letter for me to my sister Ruth.

[Giggling]

She is governess...

to a copper founder's family
in Camberwell, I believe.

Yes, sir. She would consider it a great honor

to make your acquaintance, I know.

Well, if my business engagements permit,

we will call upon her.

Thank you, sir. You are very kind.

Oh, Mr. Pinch, would you be so good

as to carry my trunk downstairs when it is packed?

And mine.

Oh, yes, Tom, and take mine, too,

and put the trunks on the gig, would you?

And take them to the crossroads in good time.

Certainly, Mr. Pecksniff.

Whoa. Whoa.

Now, mind, me and my son go inside

because the roof is full,

but you agree to charge only outside prices.

Is that understood?

Guard: Yes, sir.

[Coughing]

Ohh.

That was lucky.

It was a great stroke of yours to notice the roof was full.

I could never have gone up there with this cough.

Ooh.

[Coughs]

There really is no room in here

for a gentleman with a cold in his head.

Mine is on me chest, Pecksniff.

Oh...

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought I was addressing a stranger.

It's Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit, my dears, and his son Jonas.

I--I beg your pardon, Mr. Chuzzlewit. I--

I did not mean to be rude.

I may be a hypocrite, but I am not a brute.

Ah! What means that word?

We're all hypocrites in our family.

I wouldn't have been at your house the other day

if we weren't.

The only difference between you and the rest of us

is, uh...

Shall I tell you now, Pecksniff?

If you please, sir.

Why, the annoying thing about you

is you never have a partner in your juggling.

I confide in Jonas,

but you would deceive everybody

and have a way with you

as if you really believed yourself.

[Coughing]

I hope you're not offended, Pecksniff.

Oh, not in the least, my dear sir.

But I am surprised

to find you and your son still in the country.

Oh, we were looking at one or two likely investments,

Pecksniff, while we were down here.

Killing 2 birds with one stone.

Ah! Ha ha!

Ha ha!

So, you're going to London, cousins?

Ahem. We are cousins, you know--

oh, a few times removed.

[Giggling]

Yes. Papa has business in town.

I'll join you, if you don't mind.

Ohh.

Lots of beaux in London, cousin.

[Giggles] Indeed.

They won't hurt us, I daresay.

Mercy, how can you go on so, you wild thing?

Oh, I don't mind. I like a girl with a bit of spirit.

What an old-fashioned fright.

Cherry, my dear, you must sit next to him.

I shall die if he speaks to me anymore.

You're the sensible one, ain't ya?

Mercy is a little giddy, but she will sober down in time.

Take a little more room, why don't you?

I don't mind being crowded by girls.

[Giggling]

Ahem.

Ohh.

Charity: What part of London is this, pa?

We are quite near the monument

and the general post office, my dear.

Mercy: "Todgers"?

Pecksniff: Mrs. Todgers is a most respectable widow

with whom I lodged in my bachelor days.

[Knock on door]

[Dogs barking]

Is the household still abed, my man?

Still abed? I wish they was.

They're all a-callin' for their boots at once.

I thought you was the paper.

I wondered why you didn't push your way through the grating

as usual.

What do you want?

Kindly give this to Mrs. Todgers

and then see to the luggage.

If there's a fire in the eating parlor,

I know the way there myself.

Come, my dears.

Man: Have you cleaned my boots?

Second man: Bailey!

Hot water!

Bailey!

Third man: This water's cold!

[Clock ticking]

[Keys jangling]

Mr. Pecksniff!

[Gasps]

Mrs. Todgers.

Ohh!

Who would have thought...

After so many years?

How do you do, Mr. Pecksniff?

[Laughs]

Don't tell me these 2 young ladies are your daughters.

They are.

Charity and Mercy.
Cherry and Merry.

Charmed to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Todgers.

Yes, we are.

My dear Miss Pecksniffs.

Ohh...

You don't know how happy your pa has made me.

Mrs. Todgers, I know the rules of this establishment

and that you only receive gentlemen boarders,

but perhaps, um...

as a special favor,

you could give my daughters houseroom.

Well, you know I would do anything to oblige you,

Mr. Pecksniff.

Anywhere where they could be comfortable,

uh, without appearing at the, um...

general table.

I think I know how to arrange it.

Ohh! Ha.

Come, my dears.

Let me show you at once.

The gentlemen will be here directly.

Will you come, too, Mr. Pecksniff?

No. No, no, no, no.

I--I will leave them in your...capable hands.

I must go to the post office as soon as it opens.

Man: Bailey!
Hot water!

I won't ask you how you like London yet.

We--we haven't seen anything of it.

It--it was dark when--when we arrived.

Man: Bailey!
Where the devil are my boots?

Bailey: Coming, Mr. Jinkins!

Oh, I beg your pardon, Mrs. Todgers.

Good morning, Mr. Jinkins.

Bailey: Here you are again, then.

You be careful, you rude boy!

Ohh! Oh, excuse me, Mr. Moddle.

Thank you.

Have some breakfast, Martin.

I haven't any appetite.

[Birds chirping]

I'm sorry, Pinch.

The fact is I'm in deuced low spirits.

I hardly slept last night.

Then I must cheer you up.

I doubt if it's in your power.

I had a private conference

with Pecksniff before he left.

He told me my grandfather was here,

in this village, just a few days ago.

Yes, he was. I didn't mention it

because Mr. Pecksniff said he wanted to tell you himself.

I suppose you know my grandfather has disinherited me.

Well, I have heard allusions.

My parents died in my infancy, you see?

So did mine. Dear me.

Well, as to that, Pinch, parents are all very well if you have them,

but as I have no recollection of mine to speak of,

I can't get very sentimental about them.

I was brought up by my grandfather,

who has 2 great faults of character--

he is abominably selfish and abominably obstinate.

I am sorry to hear it.

I have borne a great deal from him.

I fell in love.

I fell in love with one of the sweetest, loveliest girls

the sun ever shone upon.

Indeed.

Unfortunately,

she is wholly and entirely dependent on my grandfather.

How is that?

She is a kind of paid companion to him.

She is an orphan whom he brought up to the employment.

Another orphan. Dear me.

You know the young lady you saw in the church?

That was her. I'm sure of it.

I knew you were going to say that before you spoke.

Her name is Mary.

Having seen her, you won't be surprised I fell in love with her.

No, indeed.

Any man might fall in love with her at first sight.

Not any man, perhaps.

After all, she has no fortune, no family.

Some men would be put off by that.

But a chief ingredient of my character is a most determined...

Obstinacy?

What a fellow you are...Pinch!

I was going to say resoluteness.

I beg your pardon.

The devil of it was I knew my grandfather

would be violently opposed to our marrying.

Why?

Because he insists

that Mary must not benefit financially from his death.

That's the strange contract between them.

That's why he trusts her.

So you could not disclose your feelings for her?

Of course I disclosed my feelings to her.

I kept them from my grandfather.

But he must have suspected something

because he tried to make me deny any attachment to Mary.

I refused.

We quarreled bitterly.

He tore up his will in front of my face.

And I walked out of his house,

vowing to be independent of his whims.

And the young lady--

she reciprocates your feelings?

Of course she does.

She had some silly scruples at first,

but her heart is mine.

All will be well in time,

I have no doubt.

I have no power at all, I needn't tell you that.

But if I could ever be of use to you...

You're a good fellow, Pinch, upon my word,

and speak very kindly.

But mercy on us,

you might as well be a toasting-fork or a frying pan

for any help you can render me.

Except in the inclination.

Oh, yes. To be sure.

I value that, of course.

[Knock on door]

Oh, well, my dears...

Do you think you will be comfortable?

Oh!

Mrs. Todgers, it's perfect.

Oh! Ha ha ha!

The bed in the side room is rather small,

but I think it will serve.

And during the day, you must treat my little parlor

as your own.

You are too kind, Mrs. Todgers.

It's my pleasure.

Your pa was once a little particular

in his attentions...my dear.

But to be your ma was...

too much happiness denied me.

Uh...

Is this your portrait, Mrs. Todgers?

Oh. It was thought a likeness once.

But presiding over an establishment like this

plays sad havoc with the features.

The gravy alone is enough

to add 20 years to one's age, I assure you.

Lor!

There is no passion in human nature

as the passion for gravy

amongst commercial gentlemen.

It's nothing to say a joint won't yield the amount of gravy

they expect each day.

A whole animal wouldn't yield it.

I've noticed the same appetite on our Mr. Pinch.

Papa's assistant, you know.

[Chomping]

[Laughs] He has a sister

who's a governess in Camberwell.

If she takes after her brother,

she must be a perfect fright.

[Charity and Mercy laughing]

[Mrs. Todgers laughs]

I am here, Miss Pinch,

in pursuance of a promise made to your brother.

Thomas is well,

and sends his love and this letter.

Oh. Thank you, Mr. Pecksniff.

You're very kind.

I cannot say, poor fellow,

that he will ever be distinguished in our profession,

but he has a will to do well,

and we must bear with him, eh?

I know he has the will, sir,

and I know how kindly you cherish it,

for which neither he nor I can be grateful enough.

The young ladies, as well.

I know how much we owe to them both.

We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa.

Mr. Pinch's being so well provided for

is owing to you alone.

It was very kind of you all to come.

And how do you do, my very interesting young lady?

Quite well, thank you.

Missus's compliments to Miss Pinch,

and begs to know what my young lady is a-learning of just now.

Oh, my dears, we are interrupting the studies.

Let us go.

Be so kind as to give this card to your master.

Good-bye, Miss Pinch.

Good-bye, sir.

Good-bye, young lady.

[Door closes]

If you read that letter during my lessons,

I shall tell mama.

A man of substance, clearly.

Substance and taste.

We should be glad to make his acquaintance.

Something may come of it. Hmm.

If you look, my dears,

at the cornice which supports the roof,

and observe the airiness of its construction,

especially as it sweeps the southern angle of the building,

you will see--

Hey! You!

Your servant,
sir.

Come off the grass!

I beg your pardon?

I said, come off the grass!

You see the gravel, don't you?

What do you think it's for?

We are unwilling to intrude, sir--

but you are intruding, sir!

You're intruding on my lawn

and my daughter's education!

Open the gate there! Show this party out!

[Humming]

What's the matter, Martin?

It's confoundedly dull with just the two of us here.

Well...

I have some good news for you.

What's that?

I didn't like to distract you before--

this is wonderful.

Is this the grammar school?

Well, it's just a rough sketch.

I could never produce anything like this

if I labored for 10 years.

Why, even Mr. Pecksniff himself--

you have a real gift.

So I've been told. What's your news, then?

I had another letter from John Westlock this morning.

He has come into his property.

He's a lucky dog. I wish it were mine.

There was a disputed will, I believe.

But now...

"The executors have cashed up," he says.

"And I'm coming down to Salisbury

to give you a dinner on purpose, Pinch, to celebrate."

Now, isn't that kind?

Very. Furthermore...

Since I wrote to him that there was a new pupil here

and what a fine fellow you were,

and what friends we had become,

he sends his compliments to you

and begs that we three may have the pleasure of dining together

at the very first hotel in the town.

Very well.

Much obliged to him. I'm agreeable.

[Knock on door]
Come in.

Mr. Pinch,

there's a gentleman asking to see you.

Good morning to you gents both.

I'm sorry to interrupt your architectural labors.

I'm not industrious myself,

but I do know how to appreciate the quality in others.

My name is Tigg...Montague Tigg.

Mr. Pinch...

No, I'm Mr. Pinch.

This is Mr. Chuzzlewit.

Indeed.

Ahem. Uh...

I've, uh...ahem.

I've come for my letter.

What letter?

Why, the letter that my good friend Pecksniff

left with you,

addressed to my comrade and associate

Chevy Slyme, Esquire.

Did you say Chevy Slyme?

I did indeed, sir.

I am an ambassador

from the court of Chiv.

I know of no letter addressed to him.

Well, the money, then.

It is not so delicately done by my friend Pecksniff

as I could have wished, but 'tis all the same.

The money?

Exactly so.

What's this all about?

Gents both, I will tell you.

There is actually, at the Blue Dragon in this village--

a common ale-house--

an individual of whom it may be said,

in the language of the poet,

that nobody but himself can in any way come up to him,

who is detained there for his bill.

Had it been for anything other than a paltry bill,

I could have borne it, but--

I'm very sorry to hear

of your friend's predicament, Mr. Tigg,

but I really don't see what it has to do with Mr. Pecksniff.

Why, they are related, sir!

As indeed, I believe, is this gentleman here.

Well, as soon as Mr. Pecksniff returns from London--

No, no, it is very urgent, Mr. Pinch.

Would you mind looking out of that window?

You see that fellow down there

in the red neck cloth?

Of course. That's Mark Tapley from the Blue Dragon.

Well, Mark Tapley not only had the great politeness

to follow me to this house,

but is now waiting to escort me back to the Blue Dragon,

for which attention, I can tell you, gentlemen,

that Mark Tapley had better been fed to suffocation

in his infancy by Mrs. Tapley

than preserved to this time!

Dear me.

Yes.

Mark!

Could you step up here for a moment please?

How much is the bill?

Oh, a mere trifle.

£3.

Pinch...

A word with you.

It's true that this Slyme

is a relation of mine--

a ne'er-do-well

that I don't wish to associate with.

He would be cheaply got rid of for £3,

but...unfortunately, I am out of funds...

At the moment.

You don't happen to have that sum of money about you, I suppose?

Half a sovereign's all I have in the world.

Pity. I would have
borrowed it from you.

[Knock on door]

Mark. I'm glad you're still at the Blue Dragon.

Now, what's the matter between Mrs. Lupin and this gentleman?

What gentleman, sir?

Don't see no gentleman here, sir.

Well, excepting yourself and the new gentleman.

And there's nothing wrong between Mrs. Lupin

and either of you, I think.

Mark, you see Mr. Tigg here.

Oh, him.

Yes, I see him.

Should see him a little better

if he'd shave himself, get his hair cut.

Now, Mark, you're not out of temper, I hope.

Why, no, sir.

I'm quite jolly.

There's a little credit--not much--in being jolly,

with such fellows as him roaring about like lions...

If there is any breed of lions as is all roar and mane.

What is there between him and Mrs. Lupin, sir?

Why, there's a score between him and his friend and Mrs. Lupin,

and I think Mrs. Lupin lets them off very easy

in not charging them double prices

for being a disgrace to The Dragon.

That's my opinion.

I suppose if we were to guarantee

to the landlady that her bill would be paid

when Mr. Pecksniff returns,

that would answer the purpose?

I dare say it would, sir.

She'd be glad to see the backs of them.

Then let us all go down to the Blue Dragon and settle the matter.

Spoken like a gentleman.

Though I would ask only that you treat Chev with delicacy.

He hates to be under an obligation to others.

There you are again, then.

What do you want, Bailey?

Just passing the time of day.

There's soup
for supper tonight.

Ain't she a-puttin' in the water?

Oh, no. Not at all, neither.

You little villain!
Bad, false boy!

No worse than yourself.
Do that again, will ya?

Go downstairs, you vicious boy!

Ohh! He is the most dreadful child.

The gentlemen spoil him so,

teach him such things

that I don't know what to do with him.

[Sighs]

Is your pa out?

[Knock on door]

May I enter this bower of bliss?

Oh! Ha ha!

Mr. Pecksniff!

Pray, come in.

Thank you, my dear.

[Sighs]

I have a round robin to deliver to you, sir.

A round robin? From whom?

From my gentlemen, of course--

desiring that your daughters,

as well as your good self,

would honor the general table

with your presence at dinner tomorrow.

Oh!

What do you say, my dears?

Yes, papa!

If you think it proper, papa.

I have no objection.

Tomorrow evening will do very nicely, Mrs. Todgers.

Then I'll go downstairs,

and I'll tell Mr. Jinkins immediately.

He's the moving spirit in this.

Pecksniff: Mr. Jinkins is a man of superior talents.

I take his desire to pay polite attention

to myself and my daughters...

very kindly.

Your youngest daughter is as witty

as she is comely, Mr. Pecksniff.

Your very good health.

Thank you, sir.

I'm obliged to you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the punch!

All right! Fine!

Well done, Jinks.

Set it on the table,

splendid, splendid good boy.

Ladies, I see you are concerned

at the smallness of the bowl.

Rest assured, we have enough ingredients in reserve

to fill it several times over.

Is it very strong?

Absolutely harmless.

Allow me.
Thank you.

There we are, Miss Mercy.
And Miss Charity, may I?

Charity: Just a little.
Of course.

[Coughs]
Good heavens,
it needs diluting.

Men: No, no!

Oh, dear, I seem to have dropped my napkin.

[Rustling]

Here it is, Miss Pecksniff,

caught on your dress.

Mercy: Oh, how silly of me.

[Sighs]

That was a melancholy sigh

for such a festive occasion, Mr. Pecksniff.

I am a man, Mrs. Todgers,

and a widower.

The gaiety of the young reminds me of my loneliness.

She was beautiful, Mrs. Todgers.

She had a small...

property.

So I have heard.

You are like her, Mrs. Todgers.

Don't squeeze my arm so, Mr. Pecksniff.

The gentlemen might notice.

My feelings, Mrs. Todgers,

will not consent to be smothered

like the young children in the tower.

They are grown up,

and the more I press the bolster on them,

the more they look round the corner of it.

Hush, sir, you mustn't.

Sit down, sit down.
Mr. Chuzzlewit, this side.

Thank you.

John...

Congratulations on your good fortune.

May you enjoy the same yourself one day.

And you, too, Mr. Chuzzlewit.

I'll drink to that.

Mmm. So you really are a gentleman at last.

I don't suppose you carry your own box to the mail now.

That's all you know about it.

It would have to be a very heavy box

for me not to carry it to get away from Pecksniff's.

There, I told you so.

The great fault in John's character is his injustice to Pecksniff.

You mustn't mind a word he says on that subject.

His prejudice is most extraordinary.

The absence of anything like prejudice on Tom's part, you know,

is perfectly wonderful.

So I've observed.

If you knew Mr. Pecksniff as I do, John,

you'd respect and admire him as I do.

You couldn't help yourself.

You wounded his feelings sorely when you quarreled with him.

If I'd known where his feelings lay, Tom,

I'd have tried my best with that end in view. You may depend upon it.

But since I could not wound him in what he does not have

and knows nothing of,

I'm afraid I can lay no claim to your compliment.

What's the matter?

I can't bear it.

No, really, I cannot. You must excuse me, John.

I have a great esteem and friendship for you,

I love you very much, but I cannot listen to this.

You are quite right, and I am quite wrong.

I don't know how we stumbled upon this unlucky theme.

I beg your pardon, Tom.

You've no need to ask my pardon.

You've done me nothing but kindness.

Well, then Pecksniff's pardon, anybody's pardon,

just so long as you will sit down. Here.

We will drink his health. Will that do?

Thank you.

I'll drink to that with all my heart.

Pecksniff.

God bless him.

Wherever he is now.

All: Mr. Pecksniff and the Miss Pecksniffs.

I am moved.

I am greatly moved...

As a man...

As a widower...

As a parent.

To parents and guardians,

the eligible opportunity now offers

for uniting the best practical architectural education

with the comf--

No! No, no.

[Men laugh]

No, wait!

[Laughter continues]

Pecksniff: No. Uh...

I am moved.

But do not repine for me.

Do not...

Weep for me, my friends.

It is...

Chronic.

Aah!

Oh!

Stand back there.

Give the man room to breathe.

Here. Let me loosen his collar.

Mercy: Oh, pa.

Speak to us. Pa!

How are you, sir?

Moved.

Much moved.

It is chronic.

[Snores]

Charity: Pa!
[Grunts]

Pa, wake up.

Mercy: Do you hear us, pa?

Go away. I am indisposed.

Pa, there's a letter come for you.

Special delivery!

[Groaning]

Give me the letter.

[Reads to himself]

This morning!

What is it, pa?

Fetch me a pint of coffee,

hot and strong.

Go!

Pecksniff: The letter which summoned me to London

was in fact from him,

intimating I communicate my address

via the general post office.

How he has come to change so much

in his attitude to us, we need not inquire.

We shall not be proud...

Or resentful...

Or unforgiving.

And if we can be the means

of reconciling him to his grandson,

that will be its own reward...

Eh, my dears?

Old gentleman to see you, Mr. Pecksniff.

Good morning, Pecksniff.

Mr. Chuzzlewit!

Pardon me, my dear sir,

I was quite lost in Dr. Watts' Moral Songs,

one of my favorite works.

Pray, sit down.

Thank you.

That will be all, Bailey.

Are you unwell, Pecksniff?

No. No, it is nothing.

Just a touch of neuralgia

to which I am constitutionally prone in damp weather.

But you, Mr. Chuzzlewit,

I rejoice to see that you are quite recovered.

I am very well, thank you.

I fancy my malady was more of the mind than the body.

And your daughters?

They are very well, I'm glad to say.

I should like to meet them.

Are they near at hand?

Pecksniff: Indeed.

My own darlings, where are you?

Here, my dear papa.

Come into the drawing room if you please, my dear.

And bring your sister with you.

It was good of you to come to London at my request,

and, I need hardly add, at my cost.

At your cost, sir.

It is not my habit to put my relatives to any personal expense

to gratify my caprices.

Oh, I hardly think you would indulge

in caprices, Mr. Chuzzlewit.

No, you are right.

I am not a capricious man.

I never was.

Ah, here are your daughters.

Mr. Chuzzlewit has done us the honor of a visit, my dears.

Charity and Mercy, my dear sir.

Mr. Chuzzlewit.

Perhaps you had better write your names down for Mr. Chuzzlewit.

Your humble autographs are of no value in themselves,

but family affection may prize them.

You need not trouble yourselves, girls.

I shall not forget Charity and Mercy.

I fear I was somewhat lacking in both virtues when we last met.

Oh, my noble sir, say nothing more of it.

You were unwell. You were not yourself.

Did I not say, my dears, at the time,

"He knows not what he does"?

Oh, yes, papa.
Oh, yes, papa.

That was generous of you, cousin.

And it was generous of you to draw off that herd of harpies from me

and be their victim yourself.

Harpies, sir?

My relatives. You felt for me

and drew them off while I made my escape,

for which I owe you many thanks.

Oh, but--
No. Sh--

It was nothing, sir.

Do you ever sit down, Pecksniff?

Why...yes...sir,

occasionally.

Will you sit down now...

And your girls, too?

Sit.

Can you ask us, dear Mr. Chuzzlewit,

whether we will do anything that you desire?

On that earlier occasion,

you spoke to me on behalf of a young relative of mine.

Quite disinterestedly, I assure you.

I do not doubt it.

The young man has since joined your household, I believe.

That is true. Yes.

I fear he has deceived you...

As he deceived me.

In what way?

Clearly you are unaware

that he has already made his matrimonial choice.

Ohh, not without his grandfather's consent and approbation?

You cannot mean that.

In the teeth of my express disapproval.

She is someone quite unsuitable.

Ohh.

Have I nourished such a viper in my bosom?

Have I unwittingly exposed my innocent daughters

to his...contamination?

I'm afraid you have.

You must expel him.

Consider it done!

[Pieces drop]

There is another favor I have to ask you.

Ask, my dear sir, ask away.

Do you remember Mary Graham?

Oh, indeed.

The young lady I mentioned to you, my dears,

as having interested me so very much.

Silly girls, they were quite moved by her history.

I'm concerned about her.

It's a hard life for a young woman

looking after a crusty old man like me,

with no female society,

no permanent home.

Oh, my dear sir, say no more.

Consider my humble abode your own.

Visit us whenever you please.

Are you sincere?

Oh...

You would receive her courteously, young ladies,

and be kind to her?

Of course we should, Mr. Chuzzlewit.

I am dying to meet her.

Then I accept your generous offer.

I am...

Overjoyed.

Will you have a glass of this port wine, Mr. Chuzzlewit,

and a morsel of this homely cake?

Thank you.

It may be some little while before Mary and I can visit you.

I fear you will be subjected to much calumny

from the rest of the family

when our new relationship becomes known.

We shall not care, sir.

They will say that, to punish my grandson for his ingratitude,

and themselves for their greed,

that I chose from among them the very worst

and pampered and enriched him

at the cost of all the rest.

Can you bear that?

Oh, my--my dear Mr. Chuzzlewit,

for a man such as you have shown yourself to be this day,

for a man so...

Uh...

I--I am at a loss...

to know what precise term to use.

For such a man, I and my daughters,

would bear anything whatever.

I thank you...

From the bottom of my heart.

I little thought a month ago

that I should be breaking bread and pouring wine...

[Chuckles]

With you.

Ha ha ha.

[Laughs]

[Laughing]

Bye-bye!

See you soon!

Bye!
Bye!

Good-bye, Mr. Chuzzlewit!

Good-bye!

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.