Married with Children (1986–1997): Season 9, Episode 25 - My Favorite Married... - full transcript
Cast members talk about some of the best moments in the series.
ANNOUNCER: Last February,
the stars of Married With Children,
TV's longest-running
original comedy,
celebrated their 200th
episode. [BARKS]
Tonight, you're
invited to go backstage
and hang out with Ed O'Neill,
Katey Sagal,
Christina Applegate,
David Faustino,
Amanda Bearse and Ted McGinley
as they look back at
all-time greatest moments
on "My Favorite Married".
Hi, I'm Ed O'Neill
here with the cast
of Married With Children.
The question people ask
us most about the show is
what are our favorite episodes
from the last nine years?
Well, stick around, because
tonight you'll find out.
[♪♪♪]
What's your favorite, Ed? Yeah?
I like, um, the one where
we... The workbench.
TED: That's a great one.
When... When Ted and I...
We had the workbench that
came in the mail and it need...
KATEY: Had to put it
together. That made me laugh.
[CLATTERING]
Wow, you can almost hear
the Looney Tunes
theme, can't you?
All right, let me know when
I get all the way through.
Okey-dokey.
[JEFFERSON YELLING]
Plug us in, buddy.
Uh, Al, don't you
have too many things
plugged in already?
Peg, the only
experience you have
are with things
that use batteries.
Men know plugs.
Plug us in, pal.
Photo op.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Wow, he hasn't moved like that
in years.
Do you think Jefferson
is stupid enough
to try and unplug him now?
I'll save you, buddy.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
I guess he is.
I like all the ones
where I get electrocuted.
The other one I liked was the
security guard one, where I...
Bubba Smith. The
one with Bubba Smith.
I play the security guard.
The first one with Bubba...
The first one with Bubba
was, I think, one of...
For me, it was like
one of the best shows
where, you know, Bubba had
been my rival in high school,
and we ended up
going at each other
in the hallway of
the... Of the school.
There's the line, Bundy.
The only way you're
taking this trophy
is by getting past me.
[GRUNTS]
Come on, Bundy.
On the count of three.
Three.
Let's rock.
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTING]
I'm hurt real bad, you know.
ANNOUNCER: We will return to
"My Favorite Married" in a moment.
But first, it's time to test
your Bundy I.Q.
The Bundys live
in Chicago, Illinois.
But do you know
what their address is?
We'll be back with
the answer after this.
ANNOUNCER: TV fans know
the Bundys live in Chicago, Illinois,
but only a true Bundyphile
knows their address.
The answer is
9764 Jeopardy Lane.
And now back to
"My Favorite Married"
What was your favorite
episode? Well, I like the foodies.
Actually, that was a two-parter
where we were in
the grocery store.
And the Bundys... Yes.
KATEY: You got run over.
But the Bundys move into
the grocery store in the summer
'cause they don't
have air conditioning.
Uh, miss, excuse me.
I think you dropped something.
Thank you, market dweller.
Daddy?
What?
Do you want anything?
Yes, I have a strange
yearning for some melons.
And then they have the
contest. KATEY: Right.
ED: The cart of death.
Going through the
aisles, ripping out stuff.
See, that's a fantasy, to be
able to go and destroy a store.
That was funny. The
Beav was in that one.
The Beav was in that one. Right.
Now for the rules.
Whoever gets $1000 worth
of food first, gets to keep it.
Which, by the way, is more
than I'm getting for this gig.
BEAV: On your mark, get set,
go!
AL: Come on, Peg. Come on, Peg.
Too cheap, honey,
we don't need it.
I know.
[CRASHING]
Jefferson.
Oh, my, God. My contact.
I've lost my contact.
The problem with you, Al, is
you're just playing too much
with Jefferson and Marcy
to pay attention to
what you're doing.
I guess I'll just have to pay
attention for the both of us.
Jefferson, I've fallen
and I can't get up.
Marcy, where are you?
What was your favorite, Dave?
"Johnny Be Gone," which
was a real-time episode.
AMANDA: Before your
time. Before your time, Ted.
The... The "Johnny Be
Gone" was the real-time show.
We did it. It was 22 minutes.
It was just act one, act two.
And Al... Al and Peggy are
trying to get to a restaurant.
And... It was funny because it
was quick and it was moving.
Give me the batteries.
I'm done with the car.
What are all those extra
parts? Well, they're extra parts.
You know, for
Koreans or something.
So typical.
Over there, solving the
male child's problems
while your daughter
takes the back seat.
You should be used to that, Kel.
I know there was a mix-up
in the maternity ward.
Somewhere in a game preserve
two orangutans are
picking lice off the head
of my real baby brother.
Al, talk to Kelly.
How was your day? You're
standing in my light, Kelly.
Daddy.
You wanted advice,
I gave you advice.
You didn't want any
advice, I left you alone.
Now you want advice
again. Okay, here it is.
I am not a monkey.
We know, son.
Is my dress ready yet?
For your body? No.
I'll go check on it.
Kelly, there were
plenty of parties
I wasn't invited to
when I was a kid.
There's a mystery.
Here's another one.
What the hell's
holding that towel up?
My other favorite is the
one where Santa Claus
is supposed to parachute
down into the mall.
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: There's the
Piper Cub, coming out of the clouds now,
and Santa just made the jump.
What a beautiful free fall.
Wow, look at him fly.
Why is he flapping
his arms like that?
Santa's chute doesn't
seem to be opening.
Oh, he's being blown off course.
Our cameras have lost him.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we don't know where he is.
[RUSTLING]
[THUDDING]
They have sex, I
get electrocuted.
The roof show.
"Who'll Stop The Rain."
And I said to you... I said,
"It smells like ham in here."
That was fun. We
electrocute you.
How many more holes
did you put in the roof
by walking on it in
spiked golf shoes?
Oh, and, uh, by the way,
honey, this time on your way down
you took out our TV antenna.
I'm sorry, Peg,
but I needed something
to break my fall.
Since there was no live wire
or your neck handy,
I grabbed the first
thing that hit my face.
Well, you know, our
reception is shot to hell.
Well, I'm sorry, Peg.
Had I known you wanted
to watch Dallas tonight,
I would've just put my
hands behind my back
and slalomed
headfirst onto the patio.
Are you ready to give up yet?
I am not.
It just so happens that I have
three unbroken bones yet.
I'll see you all... I'll see
you all drown before I quit.
Good night, Peg.
Good night, honey.
Turn out the light.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Oh, and be careful, Al.
[SNIFFING]
God, it smells like ham in here.
ANNOUNCER: "My Favorite
Married" will continue in a moment.
But now it's time once again
to test your Bundy I.Q.
Peg met Al Bundy
while attending Polk High.
But what's the name of the
county where she grew up?
We'll have the
answer after this.
ANNOUNCER: Question: What's the
name of the county where Peg grew up?
The correct answer is good
old Wanker County, Wisconsin.
And now, back to
"My Favorite Married"
Best job on television.
Christina, you're very quiet.
What's your favorite show?
Well, you guys
are so entertaining.
Aren't we? What's your favorite?
I have a lot of them, but,
um, one of my favorites
was "Kelly Does
Hollywood: Part 1,"
when I had all my
girlfriends there.
That was a good one.
Am I on yet? Am I on yet?
Is that me?
[♪♪♪]
Today's topic: Cute butts
and the men they're attached to.
Cyndy?
Who do you think
has the cutest butt?
I do.
No, we're talking
about men's butts.
Mel Gibson.
ALL [SHRIEKING]: Lethal
Weapon, oh, my God!
Okay, okay, okay. Girls,
now, let's get serious.
Two, three, four.
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
Serious.
Okay. Now it's time for
my favorite part of the show.
We're gonna talk about
girls that we don't like.
The Vital Social
Issues 'N Stuff with Kelly
slut of the week is...
Two, three, four.
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
Slut.
Thank you.
- -is Vicki.
Now, not only is Vicki too cheap
to give $1.50 to be on the show,
but she also borrows clothes
and doesn't give them back.
And if she does,
she doesn't give 'em
back with the hanger.
She's trash. She's dirt.
She gave me this perm.
[ALL GASP]
So for all these things,
we all give you, Vicki,
a big get-a-yeast-infection
salute.
So, what do you think?
I liked the pirate show. That
was, by far, my favorite one.
That was so much
fun. Best set we've had,
don't you think, so far?
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Fluvio.
Boy, I sure would
like some of that.
What is it?
'Tis the cabin boy-girl, sir.
Oh, I am smitten
by that boyish kitten.
Ahoy, cabin boy.
I am strangely attracted to
you and your dubious sexuality.
And I to you and your
easy, pretty-boy manner.
So let me remove all doubt
and prove to you that I'm no boy.
How?
I like the other one, where
you were with the aliens.
'Cause that was the
one where Al, actually...
really almost won at
the very end, didn't he?
Yeah. Become a winner...
But there was no
film in the camera,
when he's shooting the aliens.
You guys mind if I
take your picture?
Say "millions."
Who-o-a, aliens!
Guys, just one more thing.
You sure you don't
want the redhead
for your intergalactic zoo?
I don't blame you. Well,
live long and prosper.
I know I will.
It's fun when you get
the giggles really bad.
The network
doesn't appreciate it
because the tape's rolling
and it's costing
money by the minute.
You know, they raised
the Christmas platter
at Denny's 50 cents,
and so we had to go
to The Spud Hut for...
[LAUGHS]
The giggles are when you...
We're trying to do something,
just do our stuff, and
we can't stop laughing.
And we can't get
past a certain point.
You just can't stop laughing.
Remember when J.J...?
J.J. with Joe Piscopo?
Oh, yeah, that was so funny.
It's a real show-business
sound stage.
Uh-oh, Daddy,
a real show-business
security guard.
I'll handle it, pumpkin.
Sorry, folks, this
set is off-limits.
How did you get by
the guard at the gate?
Well, they were busy
frisking Joe Piscopo.
What? Piscopo's here again?
Now what are we gonna do?
[LAUGHING]
Sorry, folks, this
set is off-limits.
[LAUGHING] How did you get by?
Uh-oh, Daddy, a real
show-business security guard.
I'll handle it, pumpkin.
Sorry, folks, this
set is off-limits.
How'd you get by
the guard at the gate?
[ALL LAUGH]
ANNOUNCER: There's more to
come on "My Favourite Married..."
Now get ready for our
final Bundy I.Q. test.
Everyone knows Al
Bundy is a shoe salesman.
But do you know
the name of his store?
For bonus points, name the
mall where the store is located.
We'll return with the
answers after these messages.
Okay, Married
with Children fans.
What's the name of the
shoe store where Al works?
The answer is Gary's
Shoes & Accessories.
And the bonus question,
what mall is the
store located in?
The answer, the New Market Mall.
And now we return to
"My Favourite Married..."
It's crazy when you think
how many guest stars...
Or stars.
- -have been on our show.
What's your favourite
guest star so far?
Who's the funniest?
I liked Vanna White.
Vanna was really sweet.
Vanna was so nice.
Hi, beautiful.
[GIGGLES]
[DEEP VOICE]: Hi, baby.
It's, uh... just soda.
It'll dry soon and
leave a little stain.
God, you're a pig.
I love it. I want you, Al.
Travel the world with me.
Make love to me the
way that only you can.
Excuse me, I...
Get out!
You have a lovely home.
Yeah, right.
Enough meaningless
girl small-talk.
Tell her about the
legend of Al Bundy.
Tell them about O.C.D.
One Cool Dude.
Al, you have a disgusting
piece of cheese on your chin.
Everything tastes
better from Al's mouth.
Catch me, Bud, I
think I'm gonna faint.
Okay, Kel.
I'll put this as
plainly as I can.
I've still got the
hots for the big lug,
and I want to buy him from you.
It was fun having
Sam. Sam was fun.
Sam Kinison. He was
great. That was fun.
Remember the day...?
He didn't arrive one day?
So the next day, he
felt so bad he sent,
Belly dancers. belly dancers
and had lunch catered.
Yeah. He gave us all
nightsticks, didn't he?
Yeah. And that
was my first episode.
I thought it was always
like that around here.
Hey, buddy, you all right?
Come on, let's get up.
[GROANS] There you are.
You're okay.
You're gonna be fine.
Well, thanks, buddy.
Who are you?
I'm a guardian angel.
Matter of fact, I'm, uh...
I'm looking for,
uh, an Al Bundy.
Do you know an Al Bundy?
I'm Al Bundy.
No!
What are you doing to me?
[CRYING]
Just gotta give me a
minute with this, Bundy.
I thought I was here
to save a human soul.
Tell you what. Make a wish.
Anything off the top of
your head. Just anything.
Make my Christmas lights work.
Hey, that's amazing.
You are an angel.
Can I have another wish?
You're supposed to
get three, aren't you?
Hey, don't be a wish
pig, Bundy, all right?
You wanted three
wishes, get a genie.
Just give me one more.
Turn the lights back off and
give me the Hee Haw girls.
I've been... I've
been sitting around
waiting for them to die myself.
[LAUGHS]
Bundy, we're gonna
take a little trip.
Just like you wondered, I'll
show you what it would be like
if you'd never been
born. Let's party.
[♪♪♪]
[HUMMING]
Peg, it's me
and my angel.
She doesn't know
you're there, Bundy.
Just like when
you're having sex.
[LAUGHS]
KELLY: It's Daddy.
Oh, family. Oh, Daddy.
Dear heart.
Well, how about joining
me in a "Whoa, Jablonski"?
[IN UNISON]: Who-o-a, Jablonski.
What do we do next?
Go back in time to the day I
should have been conceived
and watch my father
invent the condom?
I'm sorry, Bundy, I failed you.
I was supposed to show
you why you should live
and I can't think
of one darn reason.
I guess I'll never
get my wings now.
God, I'm depressed.
Well, that's better.
Well, there you have it.
Our favourite episodes.
We hope you had as
much fun watching them
as we did making them.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
[♪♪♪]
the stars of Married With Children,
TV's longest-running
original comedy,
celebrated their 200th
episode. [BARKS]
Tonight, you're
invited to go backstage
and hang out with Ed O'Neill,
Katey Sagal,
Christina Applegate,
David Faustino,
Amanda Bearse and Ted McGinley
as they look back at
all-time greatest moments
on "My Favorite Married".
Hi, I'm Ed O'Neill
here with the cast
of Married With Children.
The question people ask
us most about the show is
what are our favorite episodes
from the last nine years?
Well, stick around, because
tonight you'll find out.
[♪♪♪]
What's your favorite, Ed? Yeah?
I like, um, the one where
we... The workbench.
TED: That's a great one.
When... When Ted and I...
We had the workbench that
came in the mail and it need...
KATEY: Had to put it
together. That made me laugh.
[CLATTERING]
Wow, you can almost hear
the Looney Tunes
theme, can't you?
All right, let me know when
I get all the way through.
Okey-dokey.
[JEFFERSON YELLING]
Plug us in, buddy.
Uh, Al, don't you
have too many things
plugged in already?
Peg, the only
experience you have
are with things
that use batteries.
Men know plugs.
Plug us in, pal.
Photo op.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Wow, he hasn't moved like that
in years.
Do you think Jefferson
is stupid enough
to try and unplug him now?
I'll save you, buddy.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
I guess he is.
I like all the ones
where I get electrocuted.
The other one I liked was the
security guard one, where I...
Bubba Smith. The
one with Bubba Smith.
I play the security guard.
The first one with Bubba...
The first one with Bubba
was, I think, one of...
For me, it was like
one of the best shows
where, you know, Bubba had
been my rival in high school,
and we ended up
going at each other
in the hallway of
the... Of the school.
There's the line, Bundy.
The only way you're
taking this trophy
is by getting past me.
[GRUNTS]
Come on, Bundy.
On the count of three.
Three.
Let's rock.
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTING]
I'm hurt real bad, you know.
ANNOUNCER: We will return to
"My Favorite Married" in a moment.
But first, it's time to test
your Bundy I.Q.
The Bundys live
in Chicago, Illinois.
But do you know
what their address is?
We'll be back with
the answer after this.
ANNOUNCER: TV fans know
the Bundys live in Chicago, Illinois,
but only a true Bundyphile
knows their address.
The answer is
9764 Jeopardy Lane.
And now back to
"My Favorite Married"
What was your favorite
episode? Well, I like the foodies.
Actually, that was a two-parter
where we were in
the grocery store.
And the Bundys... Yes.
KATEY: You got run over.
But the Bundys move into
the grocery store in the summer
'cause they don't
have air conditioning.
Uh, miss, excuse me.
I think you dropped something.
Thank you, market dweller.
Daddy?
What?
Do you want anything?
Yes, I have a strange
yearning for some melons.
And then they have the
contest. KATEY: Right.
ED: The cart of death.
Going through the
aisles, ripping out stuff.
See, that's a fantasy, to be
able to go and destroy a store.
That was funny. The
Beav was in that one.
The Beav was in that one. Right.
Now for the rules.
Whoever gets $1000 worth
of food first, gets to keep it.
Which, by the way, is more
than I'm getting for this gig.
BEAV: On your mark, get set,
go!
AL: Come on, Peg. Come on, Peg.
Too cheap, honey,
we don't need it.
I know.
[CRASHING]
Jefferson.
Oh, my, God. My contact.
I've lost my contact.
The problem with you, Al, is
you're just playing too much
with Jefferson and Marcy
to pay attention to
what you're doing.
I guess I'll just have to pay
attention for the both of us.
Jefferson, I've fallen
and I can't get up.
Marcy, where are you?
What was your favorite, Dave?
"Johnny Be Gone," which
was a real-time episode.
AMANDA: Before your
time. Before your time, Ted.
The... The "Johnny Be
Gone" was the real-time show.
We did it. It was 22 minutes.
It was just act one, act two.
And Al... Al and Peggy are
trying to get to a restaurant.
And... It was funny because it
was quick and it was moving.
Give me the batteries.
I'm done with the car.
What are all those extra
parts? Well, they're extra parts.
You know, for
Koreans or something.
So typical.
Over there, solving the
male child's problems
while your daughter
takes the back seat.
You should be used to that, Kel.
I know there was a mix-up
in the maternity ward.
Somewhere in a game preserve
two orangutans are
picking lice off the head
of my real baby brother.
Al, talk to Kelly.
How was your day? You're
standing in my light, Kelly.
Daddy.
You wanted advice,
I gave you advice.
You didn't want any
advice, I left you alone.
Now you want advice
again. Okay, here it is.
I am not a monkey.
We know, son.
Is my dress ready yet?
For your body? No.
I'll go check on it.
Kelly, there were
plenty of parties
I wasn't invited to
when I was a kid.
There's a mystery.
Here's another one.
What the hell's
holding that towel up?
My other favorite is the
one where Santa Claus
is supposed to parachute
down into the mall.
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: There's the
Piper Cub, coming out of the clouds now,
and Santa just made the jump.
What a beautiful free fall.
Wow, look at him fly.
Why is he flapping
his arms like that?
Santa's chute doesn't
seem to be opening.
Oh, he's being blown off course.
Our cameras have lost him.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we don't know where he is.
[RUSTLING]
[THUDDING]
They have sex, I
get electrocuted.
The roof show.
"Who'll Stop The Rain."
And I said to you... I said,
"It smells like ham in here."
That was fun. We
electrocute you.
How many more holes
did you put in the roof
by walking on it in
spiked golf shoes?
Oh, and, uh, by the way,
honey, this time on your way down
you took out our TV antenna.
I'm sorry, Peg,
but I needed something
to break my fall.
Since there was no live wire
or your neck handy,
I grabbed the first
thing that hit my face.
Well, you know, our
reception is shot to hell.
Well, I'm sorry, Peg.
Had I known you wanted
to watch Dallas tonight,
I would've just put my
hands behind my back
and slalomed
headfirst onto the patio.
Are you ready to give up yet?
I am not.
It just so happens that I have
three unbroken bones yet.
I'll see you all... I'll see
you all drown before I quit.
Good night, Peg.
Good night, honey.
Turn out the light.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Oh, and be careful, Al.
[SNIFFING]
God, it smells like ham in here.
ANNOUNCER: "My Favorite
Married" will continue in a moment.
But now it's time once again
to test your Bundy I.Q.
Peg met Al Bundy
while attending Polk High.
But what's the name of the
county where she grew up?
We'll have the
answer after this.
ANNOUNCER: Question: What's the
name of the county where Peg grew up?
The correct answer is good
old Wanker County, Wisconsin.
And now, back to
"My Favorite Married"
Best job on television.
Christina, you're very quiet.
What's your favorite show?
Well, you guys
are so entertaining.
Aren't we? What's your favorite?
I have a lot of them, but,
um, one of my favorites
was "Kelly Does
Hollywood: Part 1,"
when I had all my
girlfriends there.
That was a good one.
Am I on yet? Am I on yet?
Is that me?
[♪♪♪]
Today's topic: Cute butts
and the men they're attached to.
Cyndy?
Who do you think
has the cutest butt?
I do.
No, we're talking
about men's butts.
Mel Gibson.
ALL [SHRIEKING]: Lethal
Weapon, oh, my God!
Okay, okay, okay. Girls,
now, let's get serious.
Two, three, four.
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
Serious.
Okay. Now it's time for
my favorite part of the show.
We're gonna talk about
girls that we don't like.
The Vital Social
Issues 'N Stuff with Kelly
slut of the week is...
Two, three, four.
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
Slut.
Thank you.
- -is Vicki.
Now, not only is Vicki too cheap
to give $1.50 to be on the show,
but she also borrows clothes
and doesn't give them back.
And if she does,
she doesn't give 'em
back with the hanger.
She's trash. She's dirt.
She gave me this perm.
[ALL GASP]
So for all these things,
we all give you, Vicki,
a big get-a-yeast-infection
salute.
So, what do you think?
I liked the pirate show. That
was, by far, my favorite one.
That was so much
fun. Best set we've had,
don't you think, so far?
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Fluvio.
Boy, I sure would
like some of that.
What is it?
'Tis the cabin boy-girl, sir.
Oh, I am smitten
by that boyish kitten.
Ahoy, cabin boy.
I am strangely attracted to
you and your dubious sexuality.
And I to you and your
easy, pretty-boy manner.
So let me remove all doubt
and prove to you that I'm no boy.
How?
I like the other one, where
you were with the aliens.
'Cause that was the
one where Al, actually...
really almost won at
the very end, didn't he?
Yeah. Become a winner...
But there was no
film in the camera,
when he's shooting the aliens.
You guys mind if I
take your picture?
Say "millions."
Who-o-a, aliens!
Guys, just one more thing.
You sure you don't
want the redhead
for your intergalactic zoo?
I don't blame you. Well,
live long and prosper.
I know I will.
It's fun when you get
the giggles really bad.
The network
doesn't appreciate it
because the tape's rolling
and it's costing
money by the minute.
You know, they raised
the Christmas platter
at Denny's 50 cents,
and so we had to go
to The Spud Hut for...
[LAUGHS]
The giggles are when you...
We're trying to do something,
just do our stuff, and
we can't stop laughing.
And we can't get
past a certain point.
You just can't stop laughing.
Remember when J.J...?
J.J. with Joe Piscopo?
Oh, yeah, that was so funny.
It's a real show-business
sound stage.
Uh-oh, Daddy,
a real show-business
security guard.
I'll handle it, pumpkin.
Sorry, folks, this
set is off-limits.
How did you get by
the guard at the gate?
Well, they were busy
frisking Joe Piscopo.
What? Piscopo's here again?
Now what are we gonna do?
[LAUGHING]
Sorry, folks, this
set is off-limits.
[LAUGHING] How did you get by?
Uh-oh, Daddy, a real
show-business security guard.
I'll handle it, pumpkin.
Sorry, folks, this
set is off-limits.
How'd you get by
the guard at the gate?
[ALL LAUGH]
ANNOUNCER: There's more to
come on "My Favourite Married..."
Now get ready for our
final Bundy I.Q. test.
Everyone knows Al
Bundy is a shoe salesman.
But do you know
the name of his store?
For bonus points, name the
mall where the store is located.
We'll return with the
answers after these messages.
Okay, Married
with Children fans.
What's the name of the
shoe store where Al works?
The answer is Gary's
Shoes & Accessories.
And the bonus question,
what mall is the
store located in?
The answer, the New Market Mall.
And now we return to
"My Favourite Married..."
It's crazy when you think
how many guest stars...
Or stars.
- -have been on our show.
What's your favourite
guest star so far?
Who's the funniest?
I liked Vanna White.
Vanna was really sweet.
Vanna was so nice.
Hi, beautiful.
[GIGGLES]
[DEEP VOICE]: Hi, baby.
It's, uh... just soda.
It'll dry soon and
leave a little stain.
God, you're a pig.
I love it. I want you, Al.
Travel the world with me.
Make love to me the
way that only you can.
Excuse me, I...
Get out!
You have a lovely home.
Yeah, right.
Enough meaningless
girl small-talk.
Tell her about the
legend of Al Bundy.
Tell them about O.C.D.
One Cool Dude.
Al, you have a disgusting
piece of cheese on your chin.
Everything tastes
better from Al's mouth.
Catch me, Bud, I
think I'm gonna faint.
Okay, Kel.
I'll put this as
plainly as I can.
I've still got the
hots for the big lug,
and I want to buy him from you.
It was fun having
Sam. Sam was fun.
Sam Kinison. He was
great. That was fun.
Remember the day...?
He didn't arrive one day?
So the next day, he
felt so bad he sent,
Belly dancers. belly dancers
and had lunch catered.
Yeah. He gave us all
nightsticks, didn't he?
Yeah. And that
was my first episode.
I thought it was always
like that around here.
Hey, buddy, you all right?
Come on, let's get up.
[GROANS] There you are.
You're okay.
You're gonna be fine.
Well, thanks, buddy.
Who are you?
I'm a guardian angel.
Matter of fact, I'm, uh...
I'm looking for,
uh, an Al Bundy.
Do you know an Al Bundy?
I'm Al Bundy.
No!
What are you doing to me?
[CRYING]
Just gotta give me a
minute with this, Bundy.
I thought I was here
to save a human soul.
Tell you what. Make a wish.
Anything off the top of
your head. Just anything.
Make my Christmas lights work.
Hey, that's amazing.
You are an angel.
Can I have another wish?
You're supposed to
get three, aren't you?
Hey, don't be a wish
pig, Bundy, all right?
You wanted three
wishes, get a genie.
Just give me one more.
Turn the lights back off and
give me the Hee Haw girls.
I've been... I've
been sitting around
waiting for them to die myself.
[LAUGHS]
Bundy, we're gonna
take a little trip.
Just like you wondered, I'll
show you what it would be like
if you'd never been
born. Let's party.
[♪♪♪]
[HUMMING]
Peg, it's me
and my angel.
She doesn't know
you're there, Bundy.
Just like when
you're having sex.
[LAUGHS]
KELLY: It's Daddy.
Oh, family. Oh, Daddy.
Dear heart.
Well, how about joining
me in a "Whoa, Jablonski"?
[IN UNISON]: Who-o-a, Jablonski.
What do we do next?
Go back in time to the day I
should have been conceived
and watch my father
invent the condom?
I'm sorry, Bundy, I failed you.
I was supposed to show
you why you should live
and I can't think
of one darn reason.
I guess I'll never
get my wings now.
God, I'm depressed.
Well, that's better.
Well, there you have it.
Our favourite episodes.
We hope you had as
much fun watching them
as we did making them.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
[♪♪♪]