Married with Children (1986–1997): Season 7, Episode 14 - It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This - full transcript
It's no vacation for Al when Peggy and Marcy join him on his winter fishing trip and make him referee to their constant bickering. Meanwhile, Kelly, Bud and Seven, left behind with no food or money, help Jefferson spend all of Marcy's money.
[♪♪♪]
It is 5 a.m.
And the morning sun is
peeking through the pines
of Lake Chunky.
But it is no ordinary morning.
The fish must face more
than just the sun today.
The fish must face
Al Bundy, bass master.
Here it comes.
I shall now cast.
[BUCK YELPS]
Oh, sorry there, boy.
As Al lays his worm
upon the waters,
a mighty hush falls
over the woodland.
What creature would
dare disturb him?
[PEG COUGHS]
Hi, honey.
The loon, of course.
Al, are you going fishing?
Fishing? What
makes you think that?
Oh, and, uh, Peg, by the way...
And this is a totally
unrelated topic.
If you're looking for me next
week, I, uh, won't be around.
I'll be, uh...
at work.
Work?
It's a five-day, 24-hour,
daylight-moonlight-
daylight-moonlight-
daylight-moonlight madness sale.
Well, then they did go to
the right man for the job.
Who but you could go daylight-
moonlight-daylight-moonlight-
daylight-moonlight
without showering
or changing his clothes?
Hey, the shoe game
ain't for sissy boys, baby.
[CHUCKLES]
Anyhow, in case
you were gonna call,
which you never do but which I
know you would just this once,
all wives are
strictly prohibited
from calling or coming
anywhere near the shoe store
for the entire
duration of the sale.
Naturally, this has us shoe
guys up in arms, especially me.
Because, Peg, Lord
knows, you is my inspiration.
Al, wait a second, honey.
Ow!
You just had a hair on your
head. Don't worry, I got it.
So now tell me where
you're really going.
You're not tough enough
to force it out of me.
I'm going on vacation.
Good boy. Now,
where are we going?
Well, with any luck,
to an early grave.
But right now, I am going
to my boss's mountain cabin
to fish and drink,
and drink and fish.
And sometimes even fish
and drink, and drink and fish.
For one week, I am going to
pretend that I'm actually alive.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, look, Peg,
it's the paperboy.
Out of the way, shoe yeti.
Oh, Peggy, you'll never
guess what Jefferson did.
Misunderstood your cries
of "pluck me" to the butcher?
But clearly, your cries of
"pluck me" to the barber
did not go unanswered.
Marcy, have the nerve to face
me when you're speaking to me.
Whoops, you are.
Hey, we gotta get you a sign
that says "front" and "back."
Then we should get you
one for your pants, eh?
Listen to this.
Even though Jefferson has a job,
he is still charging his
lunches on my credit card.
And you should see
the size of the tips
he leaves the waitresses.
And you know what he
said when I called him on it?
"Hey, babe, I'm good-looking."
That's his answer to everything.
Well, what's his
answer to cries of:
"Hey, there, where you
going with that little boy?"
Go pick your heinie.
Women are talking.
Anyhow, I refuse to spend
another minute
alone with Jefferson.
I don't even want to be in
the same house with him.
Well, then I think I
have the perfect solution.
Uh, Peg, if this is
what I'm thinking,
I shall have to
unleash my veto power.
You see, Al and I are
going on vacation...
Veto, I say. Veto. Veto. Veto.
Oh, stop pouting, Al.
If I don't see a smile, I will
forbid you to come with us.
That's better. Now, come on.
Didn't forget anything, did
you? Nothing that matters.
Uh, what's going on?
Cheese it, the kids.
BOTH: Vacation!
[CAR TIRES SQUEAL]
Curse you!
I curse you to your
worst nightmare:
An eternity of being together.
And you can't leave the bedroom.
And Grandma's there.
And she's out of Depends!
Bud.
What?
Mom and Dad just left us alone.
Alone, with no
parental supervision.
And stay out!
Yes. Finally alone.
Free. Free to run amuck.
Oh, the hooters
I'll be a-jugglin'.
Yeah, well, just don't hurt
your hand on the staples.
But don't worry,
end-of-the-rainbow,
you can do anything you want.
I mean, we haven't
been left entirely alone
since we were in diapers.
Bud, we're free,
with no responsibility
to anyone but ourselves.
Hey, guys, what's for breakfast?
Curse you! Curse
your mangy hides
and the horses you rode in on!
Look what they did to us.
They left us with this
little walking booger.
I'm hungry.
Well, Kelly's stupid.
Nobody's helping her.
Yeah.
And believe me, my mind
was a terrible thing to taste.
What if Mom and Dad didn't
leave us any food or anything?
Come on, Kel. Now, I know
Mom and Dad aren't way up there
on the evolutionary scale,
but even dung beetles
wouldn't go on vacation
without providing
for their young.
See?
Who wants some
baking soda on a cracker?
That's not a cracker.
It's a cockroach.
It's coming right at me!
To tell you the truth,
I'm not sure which
was moving which.
Feed me, or I'm gonna
be really annoying.
What are we gonna do, Kel?
The parakeet trick.
It's what Mom used to use on you
when you got hungry
during her soaps.
What is it?
Well, when a
parakeet makes noise,
you throw a blanket over its
cage so they think it's night.
They go to sleep.
Come on, Kel. Now,
that can't possibly work.
Food. Food. Food.
Food. Food. Food...
[SNORES]
Well, it's gonna be a week.
Maybe we should get him
a little mirror and a perch.
Well, that's fine for
him, but what about us?
I mean, Mom and Dad
didn't leave us any money.
What are we gonna do for food?
Oh, boy, this ought to
teach Jefferson a lesson.
He didn't even know I
slipped out of bed this morning.
Well, maybe he's still out
cold, having seen you slip into it.
Okay, Brunhildas.
Family meeting.
Let's go. Let's go.
Gather around.
All right, just stay
there. I'll come to you.
That's better.
Now, it's time to lay down
the ground rules of the house.
Rule number one:
There are two bedrooms.
I get one alone.
You two can share one if
you keep the door closed
while you're changing.
You don't wanna kill my bait.
Rule two:
Speaking to me.
Al, nobody is
gonna speak to you.
Nobody wants to speak to
you. Nobody will speak to you.
That's why it's so great
that Marcy came along.
Women are much better
company for each other than men.
Men really do just get
in the way, don't they?
Just think if they
were all dead.
There'd be no more sports,
no burping, no Howie Mandel.
What a wonderful
world it would be.
Yeah, but maybe we
could keep the gay guys.
They're so much fun at lunch
and really good with color.
Well, without straight
guys to wrong you women,
where would they get
those delightful stories
for those wonderful
made-for-TV movies?
Oh, maybe we shouldn't
have brought him along.
Thank God we have each other.
I know. We're best
friends and sisters.
Goodbye. And we will be forever.
You know, women's
relationships throughout history
have been much more
supportive than those of...
My own room.
Look, Dad.
It's all mine.
Got my own bed.
Always wanted to
have a bed of my own.
How come I never had one?
Ozzie had his own bed.
Father from Father Knows
Best had his own bed.
Mr. Donna Reed had his own bed.
Well, Mr. Peggy Bundy is
gonna have his own bed.
I'm gonna go out
there and ask Peg
if I never have to
sleep with her again.
How dare you call me that!
The day I take orders from you
is the day hell freezes over!
How dare you call me that!
Nobody talks to me that way.
If I want advice, I'll ask!
Exactly what I should do!
BOTH: Oh, Al, do something!
You evil snippet.
Eat yellow snow.
Girls. Girls. Girls.
Girls? Who am I
kidding? Sea hags...
Now, what are
you fighting about?
And it better not be stupid.
It's not. Well, then, go on.
Okay. Without looking
in the cupboard,
tell me which way should
the coffee cups be facing.
And I thought it
was just stupid.
What's stupid is a woman
who stacks them right-side up
so they collect dust.
Well, at home,
uh, in her defense,
we recycle dust
to make hot cocoa.
And then, uh, in a few
weeks, it becomes porridge.
It's not about the
cups at all, is it?
What's really bothering
you is the way my clothes
mold themselves to my body.
Oh, spare me the voluptuous
rap, you Sasquatchian nightmare.
Chill out, Chiclet chest.
Turn your chair upside
down... How dare you...
so it doesn't collect dust.
Visitors come to see my cups!
God intended them
to be right-side up.
Upside down.
BOTH: Let's ask Al.
[ALL SNORING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
JEFFERSON: Anybody home?
Hello?
ALL: Feed me. Feed me. Feed me.
Feed me. Feed me.
Yeah, I guess this would be
unusual in any other home.
But I think, all
things considered,
I'll just let this pass.
Mm.
Hey, Bud, you seen Marcy lately?
I spent all day and
night in bed yesterday
cuddling with her pajamas
till I realized she
wasn't in them.
Oh, I was wondering
why she was so docile.
I mean, oh, she let me
do anything I wanted.
Uh, you know, like...
Like have candy and stuff.
Uh, you know where she might be?
She went on vacation
with Mom and Dad.
Left us here to starve with
this miserable little grub.
Hey, who are you calling
miserable, you little...?
[SNORES]
Imagine the nerve of
that woman, leaving me
just because she's mad at
me for using her credit card.
I mean, so, what if I leave
big tips with her money?
I mean, what's the
difference what I do wrong?
I'm good-looking.
You know, the attractive
should have special rights.
I think we should have
our own parking spaces.
They could have a little
circle with a sparkly smile
because looking at us
makes people happy.
Ain't it the truth.
[BOTH LAUGH]
What?
What...? What are we
attractive people laughing at?
Oh, not you, good-looking.
[BOTH LAUGH]
You ain't bad yourself.
Yeah, no kidding.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, how dare Marcy
deny me anything.
Besides, I have every
right to use this credit card.
Look at it. It says right
here, "Marcy D'Arcy."
D'Arcy, that's me.
You know, I have a thought.
[BOTH LAUGH]
It's almost as funny
as you being attractive.
[ALL LAUGH]
Hey.
Oh, God, I needed that.
Anyhow, here's my idea...
Uh, I forgot it.
Oh, wait, but
here's another one.
I think that you should spend
an enormous amount of money.
That way, when
your wife comes back,
she'll appreciate how
little you spent before.
Yeah.
How mad can she get?
We're good-looking.
[BOTH CACKLE]
What? What?
[ALL LAUGH]
[PEG AND MARCY
SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Yours is. Yours
is. Yours is. Yours.
Yours. Yours.
Al...? Yours. Yours.
Would you settle
an argument for us?
No!
Thanks, honey.
Al, sweetie,
which one of us has a
loud, obnoxious voice?
Me or Marcy?
Wait a second, "Al, sweetie"?
He's my husband. I'll
call him what I want.
Why don't you call him
some of the things you call him
when he's not around?
Al, you know I'm
not proud of you.
Why would I talk about you?
Oh, yeah? Who says,
"What's the difference
between Al and an egg?
An egg takes three
minutes to be done"?
I said two minutes.
And I didn't say that.
Believe me, she hates
you. Al, she's lying.
She hates you. She's
not even your wife...
Oh! Oh! Silence!
Silence, feline beasts.
Now, we have been
here or 10 hours,
and in that 10 hours,
the two of you have
only been quiet twice.
Once, when I asked
how come my luggage
forgot to be put in the car.
And the other time, for
the hour that Oprah was on,
which I find remarkable
since we don't have a TV.
All right, Al.
But I just have
one more question.
Which one of us has
the firmest heinie?
Oh! I'm blind!
I'm blind now!
[♪♪♪]
Are you happy now, Seven?
Mm-hm.
Are you happy, Kelly?
Mm-hm.
How about you, Bud? You happy?
I will be soon.
May I see the back, please?
This is very unusual, sir.
Department stores
normally have lingerie shows,
not guys in their living room.
But then, you Kennedys
go your own way.
Please. Kennedy is so formal.
Just call me, uh, Bud-Bud.
That's right, six dozen roses.
That's right, from me.
That's right, to me.
[LAUGHS]
Hey... Hey, what the hell.
Send another dozen
to a pair of pajamas.
Same address.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, Marcy, that was the most
relaxing vacation I've ever had.
You know, that's the
thing about women.
We can get in an argument,
and then talk it through rationally,
then work it out in a civilized
manner like the sisters we are.
Oh, God bless us.
He did. He made us women.
But to tell you the truth,
I was just lost
without my Jefferson.
I mean, so, what if he tips big?
He's good-looking. I
can forgive him anything.
[LAUGHS]: Oh!
Jefferson D'Arcy, I better
not be paying for this.
Do you have anything
to say before I kill you?
Uh...
Good night.
Jefferson!
Are...? Are you
still mad, honey?
Sweetie? Yeah.
Do you know what a melvin is?
No.
Then let me show you.
Oh...
Oh...
[SCREAMS]
Oh, yeah, we used
to call them wedgies.
Kelly, I wanna talk
to you this minute.
Yes, Mom?
Sucker!
Rub, dear.
Hey, Mom.
Where's, uh...?
Uh, what do we call
him? Starts with an L.
Dad? Yeah.
Where is he?
Well, he kept complaining
how we ruined his vacation,
so I decided to let him
stay up there by himself
for two whole days.
I just left the key on the table
while he was out chopping wood.
I hope he's finally happy.
MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Well, folks, get ready
for another 8 feet of snow.
But we'll let the poor
saps who are outside
worry about that, eh, folks?
[♪♪♪]
It is 5 a.m.
And the morning sun is
peeking through the pines
of Lake Chunky.
But it is no ordinary morning.
The fish must face more
than just the sun today.
The fish must face
Al Bundy, bass master.
Here it comes.
I shall now cast.
[BUCK YELPS]
Oh, sorry there, boy.
As Al lays his worm
upon the waters,
a mighty hush falls
over the woodland.
What creature would
dare disturb him?
[PEG COUGHS]
Hi, honey.
The loon, of course.
Al, are you going fishing?
Fishing? What
makes you think that?
Oh, and, uh, Peg, by the way...
And this is a totally
unrelated topic.
If you're looking for me next
week, I, uh, won't be around.
I'll be, uh...
at work.
Work?
It's a five-day, 24-hour,
daylight-moonlight-
daylight-moonlight-
daylight-moonlight madness sale.
Well, then they did go to
the right man for the job.
Who but you could go daylight-
moonlight-daylight-moonlight-
daylight-moonlight
without showering
or changing his clothes?
Hey, the shoe game
ain't for sissy boys, baby.
[CHUCKLES]
Anyhow, in case
you were gonna call,
which you never do but which I
know you would just this once,
all wives are
strictly prohibited
from calling or coming
anywhere near the shoe store
for the entire
duration of the sale.
Naturally, this has us shoe
guys up in arms, especially me.
Because, Peg, Lord
knows, you is my inspiration.
Al, wait a second, honey.
Ow!
You just had a hair on your
head. Don't worry, I got it.
So now tell me where
you're really going.
You're not tough enough
to force it out of me.
I'm going on vacation.
Good boy. Now,
where are we going?
Well, with any luck,
to an early grave.
But right now, I am going
to my boss's mountain cabin
to fish and drink,
and drink and fish.
And sometimes even fish
and drink, and drink and fish.
For one week, I am going to
pretend that I'm actually alive.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, look, Peg,
it's the paperboy.
Out of the way, shoe yeti.
Oh, Peggy, you'll never
guess what Jefferson did.
Misunderstood your cries
of "pluck me" to the butcher?
But clearly, your cries of
"pluck me" to the barber
did not go unanswered.
Marcy, have the nerve to face
me when you're speaking to me.
Whoops, you are.
Hey, we gotta get you a sign
that says "front" and "back."
Then we should get you
one for your pants, eh?
Listen to this.
Even though Jefferson has a job,
he is still charging his
lunches on my credit card.
And you should see
the size of the tips
he leaves the waitresses.
And you know what he
said when I called him on it?
"Hey, babe, I'm good-looking."
That's his answer to everything.
Well, what's his
answer to cries of:
"Hey, there, where you
going with that little boy?"
Go pick your heinie.
Women are talking.
Anyhow, I refuse to spend
another minute
alone with Jefferson.
I don't even want to be in
the same house with him.
Well, then I think I
have the perfect solution.
Uh, Peg, if this is
what I'm thinking,
I shall have to
unleash my veto power.
You see, Al and I are
going on vacation...
Veto, I say. Veto. Veto. Veto.
Oh, stop pouting, Al.
If I don't see a smile, I will
forbid you to come with us.
That's better. Now, come on.
Didn't forget anything, did
you? Nothing that matters.
Uh, what's going on?
Cheese it, the kids.
BOTH: Vacation!
[CAR TIRES SQUEAL]
Curse you!
I curse you to your
worst nightmare:
An eternity of being together.
And you can't leave the bedroom.
And Grandma's there.
And she's out of Depends!
Bud.
What?
Mom and Dad just left us alone.
Alone, with no
parental supervision.
And stay out!
Yes. Finally alone.
Free. Free to run amuck.
Oh, the hooters
I'll be a-jugglin'.
Yeah, well, just don't hurt
your hand on the staples.
But don't worry,
end-of-the-rainbow,
you can do anything you want.
I mean, we haven't
been left entirely alone
since we were in diapers.
Bud, we're free,
with no responsibility
to anyone but ourselves.
Hey, guys, what's for breakfast?
Curse you! Curse
your mangy hides
and the horses you rode in on!
Look what they did to us.
They left us with this
little walking booger.
I'm hungry.
Well, Kelly's stupid.
Nobody's helping her.
Yeah.
And believe me, my mind
was a terrible thing to taste.
What if Mom and Dad didn't
leave us any food or anything?
Come on, Kel. Now, I know
Mom and Dad aren't way up there
on the evolutionary scale,
but even dung beetles
wouldn't go on vacation
without providing
for their young.
See?
Who wants some
baking soda on a cracker?
That's not a cracker.
It's a cockroach.
It's coming right at me!
To tell you the truth,
I'm not sure which
was moving which.
Feed me, or I'm gonna
be really annoying.
What are we gonna do, Kel?
The parakeet trick.
It's what Mom used to use on you
when you got hungry
during her soaps.
What is it?
Well, when a
parakeet makes noise,
you throw a blanket over its
cage so they think it's night.
They go to sleep.
Come on, Kel. Now,
that can't possibly work.
Food. Food. Food.
Food. Food. Food...
[SNORES]
Well, it's gonna be a week.
Maybe we should get him
a little mirror and a perch.
Well, that's fine for
him, but what about us?
I mean, Mom and Dad
didn't leave us any money.
What are we gonna do for food?
Oh, boy, this ought to
teach Jefferson a lesson.
He didn't even know I
slipped out of bed this morning.
Well, maybe he's still out
cold, having seen you slip into it.
Okay, Brunhildas.
Family meeting.
Let's go. Let's go.
Gather around.
All right, just stay
there. I'll come to you.
That's better.
Now, it's time to lay down
the ground rules of the house.
Rule number one:
There are two bedrooms.
I get one alone.
You two can share one if
you keep the door closed
while you're changing.
You don't wanna kill my bait.
Rule two:
Speaking to me.
Al, nobody is
gonna speak to you.
Nobody wants to speak to
you. Nobody will speak to you.
That's why it's so great
that Marcy came along.
Women are much better
company for each other than men.
Men really do just get
in the way, don't they?
Just think if they
were all dead.
There'd be no more sports,
no burping, no Howie Mandel.
What a wonderful
world it would be.
Yeah, but maybe we
could keep the gay guys.
They're so much fun at lunch
and really good with color.
Well, without straight
guys to wrong you women,
where would they get
those delightful stories
for those wonderful
made-for-TV movies?
Oh, maybe we shouldn't
have brought him along.
Thank God we have each other.
I know. We're best
friends and sisters.
Goodbye. And we will be forever.
You know, women's
relationships throughout history
have been much more
supportive than those of...
My own room.
Look, Dad.
It's all mine.
Got my own bed.
Always wanted to
have a bed of my own.
How come I never had one?
Ozzie had his own bed.
Father from Father Knows
Best had his own bed.
Mr. Donna Reed had his own bed.
Well, Mr. Peggy Bundy is
gonna have his own bed.
I'm gonna go out
there and ask Peg
if I never have to
sleep with her again.
How dare you call me that!
The day I take orders from you
is the day hell freezes over!
How dare you call me that!
Nobody talks to me that way.
If I want advice, I'll ask!
Exactly what I should do!
BOTH: Oh, Al, do something!
You evil snippet.
Eat yellow snow.
Girls. Girls. Girls.
Girls? Who am I
kidding? Sea hags...
Now, what are
you fighting about?
And it better not be stupid.
It's not. Well, then, go on.
Okay. Without looking
in the cupboard,
tell me which way should
the coffee cups be facing.
And I thought it
was just stupid.
What's stupid is a woman
who stacks them right-side up
so they collect dust.
Well, at home,
uh, in her defense,
we recycle dust
to make hot cocoa.
And then, uh, in a few
weeks, it becomes porridge.
It's not about the
cups at all, is it?
What's really bothering
you is the way my clothes
mold themselves to my body.
Oh, spare me the voluptuous
rap, you Sasquatchian nightmare.
Chill out, Chiclet chest.
Turn your chair upside
down... How dare you...
so it doesn't collect dust.
Visitors come to see my cups!
God intended them
to be right-side up.
Upside down.
BOTH: Let's ask Al.
[ALL SNORING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
JEFFERSON: Anybody home?
Hello?
ALL: Feed me. Feed me. Feed me.
Feed me. Feed me.
Yeah, I guess this would be
unusual in any other home.
But I think, all
things considered,
I'll just let this pass.
Mm.
Hey, Bud, you seen Marcy lately?
I spent all day and
night in bed yesterday
cuddling with her pajamas
till I realized she
wasn't in them.
Oh, I was wondering
why she was so docile.
I mean, oh, she let me
do anything I wanted.
Uh, you know, like...
Like have candy and stuff.
Uh, you know where she might be?
She went on vacation
with Mom and Dad.
Left us here to starve with
this miserable little grub.
Hey, who are you calling
miserable, you little...?
[SNORES]
Imagine the nerve of
that woman, leaving me
just because she's mad at
me for using her credit card.
I mean, so, what if I leave
big tips with her money?
I mean, what's the
difference what I do wrong?
I'm good-looking.
You know, the attractive
should have special rights.
I think we should have
our own parking spaces.
They could have a little
circle with a sparkly smile
because looking at us
makes people happy.
Ain't it the truth.
[BOTH LAUGH]
What?
What...? What are we
attractive people laughing at?
Oh, not you, good-looking.
[BOTH LAUGH]
You ain't bad yourself.
Yeah, no kidding.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, how dare Marcy
deny me anything.
Besides, I have every
right to use this credit card.
Look at it. It says right
here, "Marcy D'Arcy."
D'Arcy, that's me.
You know, I have a thought.
[BOTH LAUGH]
It's almost as funny
as you being attractive.
[ALL LAUGH]
Hey.
Oh, God, I needed that.
Anyhow, here's my idea...
Uh, I forgot it.
Oh, wait, but
here's another one.
I think that you should spend
an enormous amount of money.
That way, when
your wife comes back,
she'll appreciate how
little you spent before.
Yeah.
How mad can she get?
We're good-looking.
[BOTH CACKLE]
What? What?
[ALL LAUGH]
[PEG AND MARCY
SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Yours is. Yours
is. Yours is. Yours.
Yours. Yours.
Al...? Yours. Yours.
Would you settle
an argument for us?
No!
Thanks, honey.
Al, sweetie,
which one of us has a
loud, obnoxious voice?
Me or Marcy?
Wait a second, "Al, sweetie"?
He's my husband. I'll
call him what I want.
Why don't you call him
some of the things you call him
when he's not around?
Al, you know I'm
not proud of you.
Why would I talk about you?
Oh, yeah? Who says,
"What's the difference
between Al and an egg?
An egg takes three
minutes to be done"?
I said two minutes.
And I didn't say that.
Believe me, she hates
you. Al, she's lying.
She hates you. She's
not even your wife...
Oh! Oh! Silence!
Silence, feline beasts.
Now, we have been
here or 10 hours,
and in that 10 hours,
the two of you have
only been quiet twice.
Once, when I asked
how come my luggage
forgot to be put in the car.
And the other time, for
the hour that Oprah was on,
which I find remarkable
since we don't have a TV.
All right, Al.
But I just have
one more question.
Which one of us has
the firmest heinie?
Oh! I'm blind!
I'm blind now!
[♪♪♪]
Are you happy now, Seven?
Mm-hm.
Are you happy, Kelly?
Mm-hm.
How about you, Bud? You happy?
I will be soon.
May I see the back, please?
This is very unusual, sir.
Department stores
normally have lingerie shows,
not guys in their living room.
But then, you Kennedys
go your own way.
Please. Kennedy is so formal.
Just call me, uh, Bud-Bud.
That's right, six dozen roses.
That's right, from me.
That's right, to me.
[LAUGHS]
Hey... Hey, what the hell.
Send another dozen
to a pair of pajamas.
Same address.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, Marcy, that was the most
relaxing vacation I've ever had.
You know, that's the
thing about women.
We can get in an argument,
and then talk it through rationally,
then work it out in a civilized
manner like the sisters we are.
Oh, God bless us.
He did. He made us women.
But to tell you the truth,
I was just lost
without my Jefferson.
I mean, so, what if he tips big?
He's good-looking. I
can forgive him anything.
[LAUGHS]: Oh!
Jefferson D'Arcy, I better
not be paying for this.
Do you have anything
to say before I kill you?
Uh...
Good night.
Jefferson!
Are...? Are you
still mad, honey?
Sweetie? Yeah.
Do you know what a melvin is?
No.
Then let me show you.
Oh...
Oh...
[SCREAMS]
Oh, yeah, we used
to call them wedgies.
Kelly, I wanna talk
to you this minute.
Yes, Mom?
Sucker!
Rub, dear.
Hey, Mom.
Where's, uh...?
Uh, what do we call
him? Starts with an L.
Dad? Yeah.
Where is he?
Well, he kept complaining
how we ruined his vacation,
so I decided to let him
stay up there by himself
for two whole days.
I just left the key on the table
while he was out chopping wood.
I hope he's finally happy.
MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Well, folks, get ready
for another 8 feet of snow.
But we'll let the poor
saps who are outside
worry about that, eh, folks?
[♪♪♪]