Married with Children (1986–1997): Season 6, Episode 23 - The Gas Station Show - full transcript
When Al can't pay his bill at the gas station, he is forced to don a uniform, complete with 'Habib' name tag and work at the station. He spends the day being hounded by motorists, as well as Peg and the kids.
[♪♪♪]
[HOOVES CLOMPING OVER TV]
We're in trouble.
Daddy's watching Shenandoah.
No, not the one where
Jimmy Stewart beats all odds
to preserve his family?
You know when they
crank up the theme song,
Dad's gonna blow like a geyser.
[♪♪♪]
[CRIES]
Oh, we're doomed.
He's gonna wanna
spend time with us now.
Come on, kids.
God, that movie makes you think.
Family meeting.
Family...
there comes a time in
the life of every man...
Can we just skip
through the speech, Al,
and get straight
to the punishment
that you will inflict upon
us for being your family?
What is it this time, honey?
You gonna get out
the horseshoe set?
Boys-against-the-girls bocce?
Oh, no, Al.
Not the boo-hoo with
you-know-who at the zoo.
No, Peg, because we're
no longer allowed in the zoo,
thanks to young Mr. Bundy,
who answered the question:
What happens when you
feed a panda Pop Rocks?
At least I have a little
intellectual curiosity.
And I wasn't the one
pointing at the leopard, yelling:
"How many animals
died for that coat?"
Well, at least I didn't
pull my pants down
and moon the monkeys.
Well, at least I
didn't turn her in.
Well, at least I didn't ask
the girl chimp to my prom.
Hey, now that was a hot chimp!
That's sick. That's sick!
Hey, now, kids, hold it. Hey.
Now, I think we're missing
the point of Shenandoah.
Families are meant
to be together.
Well, we don't
want to be together.
You have no choice.
I dedicate today as
Bundy Sunday Fun Day.
And so it ends.
[AL LAUGHS]
Now, here's the plan.
We're going to
take a Sunday drive.
In the Dodge?
[SCREAMS]
Just for that, you ride in the
back seat with your mother.
Now, anyone else have any
problems with the Dodge?
AL: No.
And I'm not going
to tell you now,
but I have a special
surprise in mind.
You got a bumper
sticker that says,
"My Other Car Is My Feet"?
You used your finger to
make a really cool racing stripe
in the dirt on the
side of the car?
You got a new eight-track
of "Hotel California"?
We can crank it as we're
towed down the freeway?
Don't make me kill
you on Family Day.
Now, I say we all put
on our finest clothes...
We're in 'em.
Pack ourselves some vittles...
We have none.
And pile in the car
for a day of fun,
a day of family, a day of love.
AL: ♪ Sixty-four bottles
of beer On the wall ♪
♪ Sixty-four bottles of beer ♪
♪ If one of them bottles... ♪
You stink, Al.
Why isn't Kelly pushing?
Drop dead, you little doody.
Shut up, the lot of you.
Now, this is Bundy
Sunday Fun Day.
I'll not have you
ruin it for me.
Pumpkin, put the
car in park, honey.
Oh, I already did that
before you started pushing.
[SCREAMS]
Al, stop it.
All right, all right.
I'm fine.
Al!
I wanna kill you for this...!
Come on, Al.
Now, look, when
this car ran out of gas,
you promised that if
we helped you push,
you'd let us in on this big
surprise that you have for us.
So, what is it, Al? Tell us.
Are you dying?
No.
But if you were the
least bit observant,
you'd see what the surprise is.
[GASPS]
Oh, my God.
I see it.
I see it!
Oh, Al, can this be true?
'Tis.
[LAUGHS]
After years of
living like paupers,
the Bundys are gonna do
what the Rockefellers are doing:
We're gonna get our gas
today from the full-serve pump.
[ALL CHEER]
You see?
Oh, Al. I feel like a princess.
[BLOWS NOSE]
Who's the king of surprises?
ALL: Daddy! Aha! You betchum.
Now, who wants to be
the one to honk the horn
to summon the attendant?
I wanna do it. I wanna do it.
Oh, I do. I do. Come on, Dad,
I wanna do it. All
right, now, now.
How does a father choose?
[CHUCKLES]
Let the boy do it.
[HONKS HORN]
[CHUCKLES]
Al, isn't that a
little obnoxious?
Hey, Peg, we're paying
25 cents extra for a gallon.
He'll take it and like it.
Come on, you
rummy. Fully serve us.
What can I do for you, folks?
Oh, we'll have $2
worth of regular.
Will there be
anything else, sir?
Yes, there will be.
Check under the hood.
Peg, look at that.
It's the first time I told
somebody to do something,
and he's actually doing it.
Yes, honey.
It's also the first
time you've had $2.
Down 4 quarts of oil.
Want me to put it in?
Hey, how many paychecks do
you think I get in a week, buddy?
No, no, just check
something else.
Well, your engine
block is cracked,
and you got a pair of
nylons for a fan belt.
Those are my good black ones.
Hey, what do you wanna do?
You wanna look good
walking or look good riding?
Hey, Dad, can I order
the geek around too?
Hey, marry your own.
No, I... I was talking
about the gas jockey, Dad.
Bud, I said it was Bundy
Family Day, didn't I?
Of course you can.
[LAUGHS]
Okay, goober.
Check the tires and there might
be a shiny nickel in it for you.
Son, son, son, son.
I don't have a nickel.
Yeah, you're pretty low,
sir. Do you want some air?
Oh, no, thanks. We'll just
breathe the stuff that's around.
Oh, Al, you've made this
such a great day for us all.
Yeah, Daddy. Thank you.
Hey, Mom, look, look. There's
a lady putting gas in her own car.
[ALL LAUGH]
You know, she can't
hear us laughing from here.
Let's go over there. Okay.
[ALL LAUGH]
PEG: Go ahead,
lady. Save 25 cents.
You know, Joe, what
really makes me mad?
What, having a car this color?
No. No.
It's all those damn
Japanese imports.
You know, after seeing a
bunch of those clunkers,
you don't mind putting
a little elbow grease
on one of these fine
American products, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
That's why I always got me
a bunch of fine
American bumper stickers
to show where I'm coming from.
Yep, it takes a good
American bumper sticker
to hold in a headlight, eh, Joe?
Yeah, they sure
build 'em, don't they?
I mean, this... This roof
must be plenty strong
to hold up under the
weight of all that bird doody.
Now, if there's no
free services left,
I guess I'll be on my way.
What's the damage?
Two dollars. Mm.
Alrighty.
Here's, uh, 1.
And, uh...
there's 1.10,
1.20, 1.21...
Two dollars.
Gee, Joe, I don't see
that smile they advertise
that comes with full service.
Al, the guy inside wants
$12 for all this stuff.
I don't have $12.
Gee, kids, look how
handsome Daddy Habib looks
in his uniform.
You continue to
make us proud, honey.
Why'd you do it, Peg?
Why'd you eat me into debt?
Well, it's your own fault, Al.
You take us into full serve,
tell us to think
like Rockefellers,
of course we're gonna go for
the Ho Hos and the Slim Jims.
Don't worry, Daddy.
We're gonna go home right
now and raise the money
to get you out of this
financial fox paws.
That's right, Dad.
We'll have you home cursing
the day you were born in no time.
Yes, please hurry.
[ENGINE STARTS]
For as Jimmy Stewart said
in that great classic,
Shenandoah...
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Wow, they must really love
you as fast as they headed off.
Yeah, if they really loved me,
they'd be heading in
the direction of my house.
Well, Bundy, we're coming up
on our really busy
time of day, so I...
Hey, Joe, I stole
my father's car.
Wanna go to the beach?
So I'm going to the beach.
Well, I don't feel ashamed.
I mean, uh, I am
a shoe salesman,
and I did have my
family out in public.
Thank God this gas station's
not in my neighborhood.
I mean, the chances of me
seeing anyone I know are about...
Hi, Al.
They're about certain.
See, I told you it was him.
I could see where you would
think it was an orangutan.
But I knew I
recognized that bald spot
when I spotted it
from the freeway.
You know, Jefferson,
good for you.
You decided to take the
Miller boy camping, huh?
Where's the little woman?
Out shopping for some
more of those little lacy T-shirts
that so drive the men crazy?
I'll have you know, Al,
that I happen to
like tiny bazooms.
Oh, I had plenty of
women before Marcie,
and I swear, you get tired
of big, succulent breasts.
Besides, I don't want a bunch
of guys staring at my wife.
I mean, that's the good thing
about Marcie. No guy ever...
[SCREAMS]
That's quite enough,
honey bunch.
Well, Al,
here's something I bet you
haven't heard from a woman
in a long time:
Fill her up.
Or do I have to
confirm the rumors
and tell you where
to put the nozzle?
Well, Marcie, no need to
buck-buck-buck-buck-buck at me.
We'll just fill you up and you
can be out there on the highway
blinding truckers
in about a minute.
[IMITATES GAS PUMPING]
There you go.
That'll be, uh, 12 bucks.
He didn't put any gas in, dear.
Then I'm going to have
to tell your superior.
Jefferson, find me anyone.
[LAUGHS]
Guess you people
are wondering what, uh,
a man of my position is doing
working in a gas station, huh?
I do it to remind me of
where I've come from.
Couldn't pay for your
own gas, could you?
No.
Give me 12 bucks.
Oh, Al, if all it
will take is $12
for you to regain
your self-respect
and get out of this
demeaning position,
then ask someone who cares.
[ENGINE STARTS]
See you later, Al. Sorry.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[SCREAMS]
Oh, Mother Machree!
[HORN HONKS] Ow!
Well, hello there, Habib.
Well, family, what
is the proper way
to say hello to a friend
from the other hemisphere?
ALL: May the prophet
smile upon you, Habib.
Oh, ho-ho.
He already has
with this fine job
and the blood that
flows in my shoe.
How may this
unworthy one serve you?
Uh, check under the hood.
Uh, and I say that
not to demean you,
but to ensure the
safety of my family.
Oh, I love you, Jim.
I love you, Betty.
I love you all.
Oh, thank you, Jim Jr.
GIRL: I love you, father.
JIM: Oh, thank you, Betty Jr.
Now, family, I have
a big surprise for you.
That you've pulled
into full serve?
[LAUGHS] No, son.
What kind of a dad
would just do that?
No. We're going on a picnic.
[ALL GASP]
JIM: Well, what better way
to celebrate another
Lundy Sunday Fun Day?
[ALL CHEER]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
I love you, Jim.
I love you too, Betty.
Yeah, and the kids love you too.
Now, that'll be 5 bucks.
Oh, well, uh, there you go.
Should we give
the man a tip, Jim?
Nope. [ENGINE STARTS]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[CRASH]
BETTY: I told you we
should have taken my car.
JIM: Your car?!
Since when did you
ever pay for anything?
JIM JR.: Leave Mom alone.
JIM: Drop dead, the lot of you.
Well, take my advice, buddy.
You probably got a lot
of women pressuring you
into marrying
'em, but don't do it.
Marriage leads to
everything bad in life:
Work, kids, Habib shirts.
You understand what I mean?
Tell your friends.
Ow!
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[VEHICLE DEPARTS]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
Ow!
What, is my foot invisible?
How can you miss it?
It's swollen to three
times its normal size.
Al, don't even say a word.
I've had a terrible day.
Peg, you've been
gone seven hours.
Don't tell me you couldn't
raise $12 in seven hours.
Al, you have a job
and you can't raise
$12 in seven hours.
Now, do you want to
hear about my day or what?
I'm sorry. Do go on.
Well, we went back to the
house to look for the money,
but Mom called.
She was a little down.
She got on a scale today,
and it said she weighed 380.
She's been 374
since high school,
and she's afraid...
She's afraid she's getting fat.
Uh, don't worry, Peg,
she probably had 6 pounds of
food stuck between her teeth.
When I think of how
that woman loves you.
Thank God she can't hear you.
Thank God she can't eat me.
Now, can we get to the
money part of the story?
God, you're so impatient.
Anyway, I found $20
in the pocket of one
of your old shirts.
In the shirt that I wanted to
wear, but you couldn't find?
Yeah. Maybe I learned a lesson.
I should probably
look when I said I did.
Anyway, on the way over
here, your car ran out of gas.
Too bad. Give me the money.
We don't have any money.
Well, you said you had $20.
Well, we did, before the taxi.
What taxi?
Well, the taxi we called
when your car ran out of gas.
It's just two blocks away.
See? He's over there
with the meter running.
So stop dilly-dallying
and fill this can up.
Why should I fill it?
What's wrong with you?
We walked into full serve.
Now where's that
full-serve smile?
Daddy, is Bundy Sunday
Fun Day officially over?
Uh, yes, pumpkin.
I'm... I'm afraid that it is.
But don't worry.
See, next week we're gonna
take a nice drive up to the woods,
and we're going huntin'.
See, I'll be the only
one carrying the rifle,
and you kids can run out
there and flush out the game.
We'll call it Bundy
Sunday Gun Day.
Oh, boy.
Indeed.
That'll be 2 bucks, Peg.
Get it from my husband.
He's a wealthy shoe salesman.
Not you.
Now, they're women, I expect
that from them. But you...
I expected a little
more loyalty from you.
Dad, I tried to talk some
sense into the women.
I tried to make 'em
hurry with the money.
Well, what happened?
The sandman got me, Dad.
You know I get all sleepy
when I take a ride in the car.
I napped all the
way to the beach.
Uh, the house.
Life is rough for
you, isn't it, son?
Don't worry, Dad. Bud
Bundy always lands on his feet.
Yeah. We'll find out
about that when I get home.
But I just want to tell
you one thing, son.
All I wanted to do was
spend one day with my family.
Am I to be punished for this?
Yes.
Because it's a
stupid, moronic thing
to want to waste your
Sunday with your family.
Well, I paid for it.
But now it's time for
someone else to pay for it.
Habib is dead.
Long live Habib.
The only way to save this,
this final Bundy Sunday Fun Day,
is to watch my only son
suffer as I have suffered.
The next car in here is yours.
Hi.
ALL: We're the
Swedish bikini team.
We just love guys named Habib.
Sit in back and enjoy us as
we ride down a bumpy road.
Bye, Dad.
ALL: Bye, Dad.
[ENGINE STARTS]
ALL: Hi.
ALL: We're the
Chicago bowling team.
We're looking for guys named Al.
We love guys named Al.
Let's boogie.
[♪♪♪]
[HOOVES CLOMPING OVER TV]
We're in trouble.
Daddy's watching Shenandoah.
No, not the one where
Jimmy Stewart beats all odds
to preserve his family?
You know when they
crank up the theme song,
Dad's gonna blow like a geyser.
[♪♪♪]
[CRIES]
Oh, we're doomed.
He's gonna wanna
spend time with us now.
Come on, kids.
God, that movie makes you think.
Family meeting.
Family...
there comes a time in
the life of every man...
Can we just skip
through the speech, Al,
and get straight
to the punishment
that you will inflict upon
us for being your family?
What is it this time, honey?
You gonna get out
the horseshoe set?
Boys-against-the-girls bocce?
Oh, no, Al.
Not the boo-hoo with
you-know-who at the zoo.
No, Peg, because we're
no longer allowed in the zoo,
thanks to young Mr. Bundy,
who answered the question:
What happens when you
feed a panda Pop Rocks?
At least I have a little
intellectual curiosity.
And I wasn't the one
pointing at the leopard, yelling:
"How many animals
died for that coat?"
Well, at least I didn't
pull my pants down
and moon the monkeys.
Well, at least I
didn't turn her in.
Well, at least I didn't ask
the girl chimp to my prom.
Hey, now that was a hot chimp!
That's sick. That's sick!
Hey, now, kids, hold it. Hey.
Now, I think we're missing
the point of Shenandoah.
Families are meant
to be together.
Well, we don't
want to be together.
You have no choice.
I dedicate today as
Bundy Sunday Fun Day.
And so it ends.
[AL LAUGHS]
Now, here's the plan.
We're going to
take a Sunday drive.
In the Dodge?
[SCREAMS]
Just for that, you ride in the
back seat with your mother.
Now, anyone else have any
problems with the Dodge?
AL: No.
And I'm not going
to tell you now,
but I have a special
surprise in mind.
You got a bumper
sticker that says,
"My Other Car Is My Feet"?
You used your finger to
make a really cool racing stripe
in the dirt on the
side of the car?
You got a new eight-track
of "Hotel California"?
We can crank it as we're
towed down the freeway?
Don't make me kill
you on Family Day.
Now, I say we all put
on our finest clothes...
We're in 'em.
Pack ourselves some vittles...
We have none.
And pile in the car
for a day of fun,
a day of family, a day of love.
AL: ♪ Sixty-four bottles
of beer On the wall ♪
♪ Sixty-four bottles of beer ♪
♪ If one of them bottles... ♪
You stink, Al.
Why isn't Kelly pushing?
Drop dead, you little doody.
Shut up, the lot of you.
Now, this is Bundy
Sunday Fun Day.
I'll not have you
ruin it for me.
Pumpkin, put the
car in park, honey.
Oh, I already did that
before you started pushing.
[SCREAMS]
Al, stop it.
All right, all right.
I'm fine.
Al!
I wanna kill you for this...!
Come on, Al.
Now, look, when
this car ran out of gas,
you promised that if
we helped you push,
you'd let us in on this big
surprise that you have for us.
So, what is it, Al? Tell us.
Are you dying?
No.
But if you were the
least bit observant,
you'd see what the surprise is.
[GASPS]
Oh, my God.
I see it.
I see it!
Oh, Al, can this be true?
'Tis.
[LAUGHS]
After years of
living like paupers,
the Bundys are gonna do
what the Rockefellers are doing:
We're gonna get our gas
today from the full-serve pump.
[ALL CHEER]
You see?
Oh, Al. I feel like a princess.
[BLOWS NOSE]
Who's the king of surprises?
ALL: Daddy! Aha! You betchum.
Now, who wants to be
the one to honk the horn
to summon the attendant?
I wanna do it. I wanna do it.
Oh, I do. I do. Come on, Dad,
I wanna do it. All
right, now, now.
How does a father choose?
[CHUCKLES]
Let the boy do it.
[HONKS HORN]
[CHUCKLES]
Al, isn't that a
little obnoxious?
Hey, Peg, we're paying
25 cents extra for a gallon.
He'll take it and like it.
Come on, you
rummy. Fully serve us.
What can I do for you, folks?
Oh, we'll have $2
worth of regular.
Will there be
anything else, sir?
Yes, there will be.
Check under the hood.
Peg, look at that.
It's the first time I told
somebody to do something,
and he's actually doing it.
Yes, honey.
It's also the first
time you've had $2.
Down 4 quarts of oil.
Want me to put it in?
Hey, how many paychecks do
you think I get in a week, buddy?
No, no, just check
something else.
Well, your engine
block is cracked,
and you got a pair of
nylons for a fan belt.
Those are my good black ones.
Hey, what do you wanna do?
You wanna look good
walking or look good riding?
Hey, Dad, can I order
the geek around too?
Hey, marry your own.
No, I... I was talking
about the gas jockey, Dad.
Bud, I said it was Bundy
Family Day, didn't I?
Of course you can.
[LAUGHS]
Okay, goober.
Check the tires and there might
be a shiny nickel in it for you.
Son, son, son, son.
I don't have a nickel.
Yeah, you're pretty low,
sir. Do you want some air?
Oh, no, thanks. We'll just
breathe the stuff that's around.
Oh, Al, you've made this
such a great day for us all.
Yeah, Daddy. Thank you.
Hey, Mom, look, look. There's
a lady putting gas in her own car.
[ALL LAUGH]
You know, she can't
hear us laughing from here.
Let's go over there. Okay.
[ALL LAUGH]
PEG: Go ahead,
lady. Save 25 cents.
You know, Joe, what
really makes me mad?
What, having a car this color?
No. No.
It's all those damn
Japanese imports.
You know, after seeing a
bunch of those clunkers,
you don't mind putting
a little elbow grease
on one of these fine
American products, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
That's why I always got me
a bunch of fine
American bumper stickers
to show where I'm coming from.
Yep, it takes a good
American bumper sticker
to hold in a headlight, eh, Joe?
Yeah, they sure
build 'em, don't they?
I mean, this... This roof
must be plenty strong
to hold up under the
weight of all that bird doody.
Now, if there's no
free services left,
I guess I'll be on my way.
What's the damage?
Two dollars. Mm.
Alrighty.
Here's, uh, 1.
And, uh...
there's 1.10,
1.20, 1.21...
Two dollars.
Gee, Joe, I don't see
that smile they advertise
that comes with full service.
Al, the guy inside wants
$12 for all this stuff.
I don't have $12.
Gee, kids, look how
handsome Daddy Habib looks
in his uniform.
You continue to
make us proud, honey.
Why'd you do it, Peg?
Why'd you eat me into debt?
Well, it's your own fault, Al.
You take us into full serve,
tell us to think
like Rockefellers,
of course we're gonna go for
the Ho Hos and the Slim Jims.
Don't worry, Daddy.
We're gonna go home right
now and raise the money
to get you out of this
financial fox paws.
That's right, Dad.
We'll have you home cursing
the day you were born in no time.
Yes, please hurry.
[ENGINE STARTS]
For as Jimmy Stewart said
in that great classic,
Shenandoah...
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Wow, they must really love
you as fast as they headed off.
Yeah, if they really loved me,
they'd be heading in
the direction of my house.
Well, Bundy, we're coming up
on our really busy
time of day, so I...
Hey, Joe, I stole
my father's car.
Wanna go to the beach?
So I'm going to the beach.
Well, I don't feel ashamed.
I mean, uh, I am
a shoe salesman,
and I did have my
family out in public.
Thank God this gas station's
not in my neighborhood.
I mean, the chances of me
seeing anyone I know are about...
Hi, Al.
They're about certain.
See, I told you it was him.
I could see where you would
think it was an orangutan.
But I knew I
recognized that bald spot
when I spotted it
from the freeway.
You know, Jefferson,
good for you.
You decided to take the
Miller boy camping, huh?
Where's the little woman?
Out shopping for some
more of those little lacy T-shirts
that so drive the men crazy?
I'll have you know, Al,
that I happen to
like tiny bazooms.
Oh, I had plenty of
women before Marcie,
and I swear, you get tired
of big, succulent breasts.
Besides, I don't want a bunch
of guys staring at my wife.
I mean, that's the good thing
about Marcie. No guy ever...
[SCREAMS]
That's quite enough,
honey bunch.
Well, Al,
here's something I bet you
haven't heard from a woman
in a long time:
Fill her up.
Or do I have to
confirm the rumors
and tell you where
to put the nozzle?
Well, Marcie, no need to
buck-buck-buck-buck-buck at me.
We'll just fill you up and you
can be out there on the highway
blinding truckers
in about a minute.
[IMITATES GAS PUMPING]
There you go.
That'll be, uh, 12 bucks.
He didn't put any gas in, dear.
Then I'm going to have
to tell your superior.
Jefferson, find me anyone.
[LAUGHS]
Guess you people
are wondering what, uh,
a man of my position is doing
working in a gas station, huh?
I do it to remind me of
where I've come from.
Couldn't pay for your
own gas, could you?
No.
Give me 12 bucks.
Oh, Al, if all it
will take is $12
for you to regain
your self-respect
and get out of this
demeaning position,
then ask someone who cares.
[ENGINE STARTS]
See you later, Al. Sorry.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[SCREAMS]
Oh, Mother Machree!
[HORN HONKS] Ow!
Well, hello there, Habib.
Well, family, what
is the proper way
to say hello to a friend
from the other hemisphere?
ALL: May the prophet
smile upon you, Habib.
Oh, ho-ho.
He already has
with this fine job
and the blood that
flows in my shoe.
How may this
unworthy one serve you?
Uh, check under the hood.
Uh, and I say that
not to demean you,
but to ensure the
safety of my family.
Oh, I love you, Jim.
I love you, Betty.
I love you all.
Oh, thank you, Jim Jr.
GIRL: I love you, father.
JIM: Oh, thank you, Betty Jr.
Now, family, I have
a big surprise for you.
That you've pulled
into full serve?
[LAUGHS] No, son.
What kind of a dad
would just do that?
No. We're going on a picnic.
[ALL GASP]
JIM: Well, what better way
to celebrate another
Lundy Sunday Fun Day?
[ALL CHEER]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
I love you, Jim.
I love you too, Betty.
Yeah, and the kids love you too.
Now, that'll be 5 bucks.
Oh, well, uh, there you go.
Should we give
the man a tip, Jim?
Nope. [ENGINE STARTS]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[CRASH]
BETTY: I told you we
should have taken my car.
JIM: Your car?!
Since when did you
ever pay for anything?
JIM JR.: Leave Mom alone.
JIM: Drop dead, the lot of you.
Well, take my advice, buddy.
You probably got a lot
of women pressuring you
into marrying
'em, but don't do it.
Marriage leads to
everything bad in life:
Work, kids, Habib shirts.
You understand what I mean?
Tell your friends.
Ow!
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[VEHICLE DEPARTS]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
Ow!
What, is my foot invisible?
How can you miss it?
It's swollen to three
times its normal size.
Al, don't even say a word.
I've had a terrible day.
Peg, you've been
gone seven hours.
Don't tell me you couldn't
raise $12 in seven hours.
Al, you have a job
and you can't raise
$12 in seven hours.
Now, do you want to
hear about my day or what?
I'm sorry. Do go on.
Well, we went back to the
house to look for the money,
but Mom called.
She was a little down.
She got on a scale today,
and it said she weighed 380.
She's been 374
since high school,
and she's afraid...
She's afraid she's getting fat.
Uh, don't worry, Peg,
she probably had 6 pounds of
food stuck between her teeth.
When I think of how
that woman loves you.
Thank God she can't hear you.
Thank God she can't eat me.
Now, can we get to the
money part of the story?
God, you're so impatient.
Anyway, I found $20
in the pocket of one
of your old shirts.
In the shirt that I wanted to
wear, but you couldn't find?
Yeah. Maybe I learned a lesson.
I should probably
look when I said I did.
Anyway, on the way over
here, your car ran out of gas.
Too bad. Give me the money.
We don't have any money.
Well, you said you had $20.
Well, we did, before the taxi.
What taxi?
Well, the taxi we called
when your car ran out of gas.
It's just two blocks away.
See? He's over there
with the meter running.
So stop dilly-dallying
and fill this can up.
Why should I fill it?
What's wrong with you?
We walked into full serve.
Now where's that
full-serve smile?
Daddy, is Bundy Sunday
Fun Day officially over?
Uh, yes, pumpkin.
I'm... I'm afraid that it is.
But don't worry.
See, next week we're gonna
take a nice drive up to the woods,
and we're going huntin'.
See, I'll be the only
one carrying the rifle,
and you kids can run out
there and flush out the game.
We'll call it Bundy
Sunday Gun Day.
Oh, boy.
Indeed.
That'll be 2 bucks, Peg.
Get it from my husband.
He's a wealthy shoe salesman.
Not you.
Now, they're women, I expect
that from them. But you...
I expected a little
more loyalty from you.
Dad, I tried to talk some
sense into the women.
I tried to make 'em
hurry with the money.
Well, what happened?
The sandman got me, Dad.
You know I get all sleepy
when I take a ride in the car.
I napped all the
way to the beach.
Uh, the house.
Life is rough for
you, isn't it, son?
Don't worry, Dad. Bud
Bundy always lands on his feet.
Yeah. We'll find out
about that when I get home.
But I just want to tell
you one thing, son.
All I wanted to do was
spend one day with my family.
Am I to be punished for this?
Yes.
Because it's a
stupid, moronic thing
to want to waste your
Sunday with your family.
Well, I paid for it.
But now it's time for
someone else to pay for it.
Habib is dead.
Long live Habib.
The only way to save this,
this final Bundy Sunday Fun Day,
is to watch my only son
suffer as I have suffered.
The next car in here is yours.
Hi.
ALL: We're the
Swedish bikini team.
We just love guys named Habib.
Sit in back and enjoy us as
we ride down a bumpy road.
Bye, Dad.
ALL: Bye, Dad.
[ENGINE STARTS]
ALL: Hi.
ALL: We're the
Chicago bowling team.
We're looking for guys named Al.
We love guys named Al.
Let's boogie.
[♪♪♪]