Marriage of God & Soul Godannar!! (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 22 - Gekitou! Danna VS Gaina - full transcript
I've left dinner for you and
Ritchie on the kitchen counter.
Where?
Right there.
Menu-- a 20.
That's a five.
And a coupon
for carpet cleaning.
Just figure it out.
Christine, you have got
to clean your bathroom.
The mold on your showerhead
just gave me the finger.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi!
Hey.
Okay, I'm glad
you guys are here.
Can't wait to get there.
Oh, you love weddings, too?
No, I hate weddings,
but I love getting dressed up
and I'm breaking in a new bra.
I should have
worn a bra.
I'm not going
to let that ruin my mood.
Really? No bra?
I got more support under here
than the troops in Iraq.
Hey, so who's
getting married?
Our old college friend Ben.
So what do we know
about the bride?
Claire, right?
Yeah. Well, Ben's great.
I'm sure she's great.
I hope she's not prettier
than me.
Yeah, nothing worse
than a wedding
where the bride outshines
the bitter drunk lady
in the back.
I don't like that.
Come on. Let's get going.
They're having a champagne
reception before the ceremony.
Hey, we should pick
a designated driver.
Odd finger out?
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, what about me?
(all laugh)
What? What, I can go to
a wedding without drinking.
I've done that before.
When?
Uncle Duddy's wedding.
You were an eight-year-old
flower girl.
I didn't have a drink
and I didn't wear a bra.
It was was such
a beautiful ceremony.
When her dad walked her up
there, I totally lost it.
Their vows were sweet,
but I thought
it was a little tacky
they used tongues
during the kiss.
You didn't think it was tacky
when you shouted,
"That's what I'm talking
about!"?
Okay, drunkies,
here's our table.
All right, let's see,
who did they put us with?
Oh, no.
No!
Uh! Not a chance.
I can't find my card.
You might want
to check table six.
You guys made it.
Ben! There he is!
Oh, hey!
My God, Christine,
you look fantastic.
Oh, please.
Your hair got smaller
and you stopped dressing
like Pat Benatar.
(laughs)
Yeah, I don't miss those
black pleather pants.
God, at the end of college,
I had to powder up
to get in those babies.
Barbara Jean--
"BJ."
Benjamin Michael-- "B.M."
Dude, you look great.
Dude, so do you.
(affected voice):
It's in the hole.
Cinderella story,
come out of nowhere.
What are they doing?
Oh, it's from Caddyshack.
We used to watch it
a lot in college.
Oh, in college
we watched Titanic.
(as Kate Winslet):
"I'm so cold, Jack."
You should rent it.
Uh, Ben, this is my girlfriend
New Christine.
Hi, I loved your wedding.
I love all weddings.
Except my dad's
second wedding.
My mom crashed it...
with her car.
Well, there's no chance
of that happening here.
My parents are dead.
They were hit by a car
at a wedding.
Hey, wait a minute.
He's kidding, sweetie.
You ass!
(Christine laughing)
Pretty funny. We were sued.
I gotta go get another drink.
(clears throat)
Claire.
These are my friends
from college
I was telling
you about.
This is Richard.
He's got a license
to kill gophers.
Oh, Caddyshack. Yay.
Great to meet you, though.
Thanks so much for coming.
And this is Christine.
Hi. Oh, what a great wedding.
You look so beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
So, this is Christine.
The famous Christine.
The best friend,
the perfect woman.
The one he can't stop talking
about even when he's asked to.
Hi, I'm Barb.
Oh, "B.J."
I haven't been called that
since college
for lots of reasons.
Well, Ben tells me
you're an amazing singer.
Oh, I don't know
about amazing.
I used to get up at open mike
night back in college.
You know, people seemed
to like it.
Standing ovations.
You have to sing something
with the band later.
That would be classic.
Oh, I really don't do that
anymore.
I'm kind of retired.
I understand.
All right, I'll do it.
By the way,
that giant gift
over there,
that's from me.
In case the card falls off.
Okay.
Oh, shoot!
I left your gift at home,
and it was so good, too.
Mm. Well, Ben loves
your presents.
He still wears that Jackson
Browne T-shirt you got him...
all the time,
even when he's asked not to.
We should go say hello
to my family.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll catch
you guys later.
Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...
Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...
Okay.
(laughs)
Wow, she did not like you.
Right? I know.
What the hell
was that all about?
Ben always had
a thing for you.
She probably feels
a little threatened.
Oh, God, do I look that good?
No.
No.
Come on.
Let's go get a drink.
Yeah, go ahead and drink.
I'll be here to pick up the
pieces, get you home safe.
God, why do I always
have to be the grown-up?
I am quickly falling out of love
with this new bra.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Matthew, I forgot
the wedding gift.
Listen, I need you to call
Ali and get her to come over
and watch Ritchie
and you can bring it to me.
What wedding gift?
The chocolate fountain.
It's in a big box
on the kitchen counter.
Where is it?
Just bring it.
I'm sober
and I'm not in the mood.
This is such
a beautiful event.
I love the place settings
and the flowers.
It's a perfect size
for a wedding.
Not too big, not too small.
What would you call this,
medium?
I guess.
What kind of weddings
do you like?
Short ones.
I don't really think
about weddings.
Yeah, me, neither.
Be a shame to drive
into this wedding.
What can I get for you?
Club soda.
Boy, there are
a lot of drinkers
here tonight, huh?
I mean, I'm not judging.
It's just sad.
Well, I think everyone's
just having a good time.
It's a... wedding.
Champagne, please.
(mouthing)
So, listen, Claire,
I am picking up some
major weirdness
between us,
and I really want
to reassure you
that Ben and I were
just friends.
That is it, really.
I'm sure he hasn't
had a single thought
about me in 15 years.
He married you.
Can't we be friends?
And before you answer,
remember, you got
a great gift coming.
With a really funny card.
Um, there are these two cows
on a racquetball court...
(laughs)
No, no. Wait till you see it.
I don't want
to ruin it, but...
Uh, I'm sorry.
It's a big day
and I'm a little wound up.
Yeah.
It's just, he talks about you
in such glowing terms.
I... I guess I made you out
to be a threat,
but now that I've met you, I...
I actually feel a lot better.
Oh.
Yeah, see? I'm just
a regular girl.
I put my comfortable underwear
on one leg at a time.
Although, actually,
today I accidentally put
two legs through one hole
'cause I was driving, but...
I'm actually feeling
so much better.
Oh, good, good, yeah.
Did you see that?
I'm telling you,
if I had been drinking,
it would have gone
a whole different way.
I would have offended her
or spilled something on her
and then, I don't know,
made out with her.
Are guys always this ugly
at weddings?
Ugh!
Hey.
I got tired of waiting, so
I snagged a couple of prime ribs
off that table over there.
The bride and groom's table?
Yeah. They never eat
at their own wedding.
Mmm!
It's so good.
Definitely the best thing
about a wedding.
So you do think about weddings?
What?
Well, earlier you said
you never think about weddings,
but now you're saying
you like to eat at weddings,
so you've obviously thought
about that.
Yeah, I like to eat at weddings,
I like to eat at funerals,
I like to eat in my car.
I like to eat.
What are we talking about?
Nothing. You don't have
to freak out.
I just want to know
where you stand on weddings.
I don't really stand anywhere.
I've been married,
I had a wedding
and kind of glad
to be done with it.
Oh.
That's all I wanted to know.
I love you.
(as Bill Murray):
It's in the hole.
So she doesn't hate you?
No. I am telling you, Barb,
I totally turned it around.
Not drinking at a wedding
is amazing.
My senses are sharper,
I can make quick decisions--
I'm like a freakin' ninja.
Hey, that sounds good.
I'm gonna have a kamikaze.
(glass clinking)
Excuse me, everyone, if
I can have your attention?
Uh, first I'd like to say,
uh, whoever stole our steaks,
we're going to find you.
I'm serious. Not cool.
Second...
there are so many people
who helped make tonight
the special night it is.
But mainly, I'd like to thank
the woman I love,
the girl of my dreams.
I can't wait to begin
my life with her.
I love you, Christine.
Oh, crap.
(quietly):
Oh, crap.
He said my name--
I was just sitting there
minding my own business.
I can't help it if he
finds me irresistible.
(hiccups, belches)
Club soda. Sorry.
And a little garlic bread.
Seriously, come on,
what am I gonna do now?
It's a big room,
the cake'll be out soon--
just lay low
and steer clear of Claire.
(sobbing)
I have no more ideas.
Yes, I do.
Oh.
I'm gonna get a mai-tai.
(sniffles)
Fun wedding, huh?
(chuckles):
I feel like
a fairy tale princess.
Did you see
when my mom threw up?
Claire, I'm really sorry.
No, no need to apologize.
I'm glad I found out now--
20 minutes after I agreed
to spend the rest of my life
with him.
No, no. It was a
mistake, you know?
I was in his eye-line,
and we'd been talking,
and it just slipped out.
I know. Perfectly innocent.
In fact, I'm sure you guys
will have a good laugh about it
on your honeymoon
at the Four Seasons in Maui.
Oh. I heard about that place.
That's where you can swim
with those dolphins.
You've ruined my wedding!
Claire, I know you're
having a bad day.
Weddings are brutal
for the bride.
You're anxious, you're keyed up,
you've been drinking.
I'm not judging. I mean...
It's a little sad, but...
Marriage is not
about the wedding.
Nobody remembers the toast
or the food
or those tacky
bridesmaids' dresses.
I made those.
Beautiful!
Anyway, marriage is
about the man you love
and the man who loves you
more than anybody else.
And that man is Ben.
Wow.
What a perfect thing to say.
Oh, well...
Thank you.
(chuckles):
You're welcome.
Hey, listen,
is this one of those weddings
where you can take home
the centerpieces?
No.
Oh, okay, I'll...
I'll, uh, I-I'll
put it back.
Um, it's-it's not...
I can do that.
You've been dating the girl
for over a year,
you take her to a wedding,
and you didn't think she
was gonna bring up marriage?
Dope.
I know.
What exactly is the problem?
Don't you want to marry her?
It's not her, it's marriage.
It starts off with
"I love you," and
ends with her mother
cutting my face out
of all the family
photos. True story.
Marriage doesn't work.
That's why more than
half of them fail.
Hey, how you doing!
You guys are gonna make it!
Happy, happy, happy!
Damn!
Hit me.
I don't know what to do.
I love her.
I love what we
have together.
I could even see spending
the rest of my life with her.
I just don't want to get married
and mess everything up.
I love her too much
to lose her.
Well, there you go--
tell her that.
Yeah. I'll tell her that.
It's perfect.
Will you tell her that?
No. It should be me.
Right?
Dope!
(laughing)
And his mother used to
visit us in college
in this giant boat
of a Cadillac.
(laughing):
Oh, my God...
she still has that.
What? I can't believe
she's even still alive.
She was, like, a thousand
when I met her.
Of course she's still alive--
she's too mean to die.
(laughing)
(sighs):
I can see why you and Ben
are friends.
Oh, gosh, well, there's
nothing else we could be.
(laughing):
I mean, that time we
slept together was a disaster!
(continues laughing)
You slept with Ben?
(stifling laughter)
(stifled laugh):
No. No.
Uh... that mom is mean, huh?
She ain't gonna die.
(forced chuckle)
He told me nothing ever happened
between you two.
He lied to me.
(stammering):
Oh, w... yeah, uh...
everybody lies.
Hey, is there any chance
we can keep this between us?
Excuse me.
Ben?
Claire, wait.
You slept with Christine?
You told me nothing happened.
There's my beautiful bride.
Let's cut the cake.
(quietly):
Ben, Ben, I may have
inadvertently mentioned
that we slept together.
I'm so sorry.
Is that coconut?
Oh, gross.
I feel like our
entire relationship
is based on a lie.
Sweetie, come on,
it was a long time ago.
I barely even remember it.
Yeah, it was fast.
I mean, good fast.
Hey, you're in
for a real treat.
If it was nothing, then
why did you lie about it?
And why did you say
her name in the toast?
I don't know--
but you've got to believe me,
I don't have any feelings
for Christine.
And by the way,
it wasn't that fast.
Hmm. Wasn't that slow.
Claire, I was 19,
40 pounds overweight.
She's the only one that
would sleep with me.
I don't mind
a little chunk.
Kind of dig it.
Ow!
Ow...
I want you to stop talking
and start drinking.
But I'm the designated driver.
I'm un-designating you.
You're the only person I know
who's more of an ass
sober than drunk.
That's true.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah!
(knocking)
Baby?
You alone?
Yeah.
I was just talking to Barb,
and what I said before
came out all wrong, and maybe
if I could explain it to you,
you'd understand
where I'm coming from.
I'd love to hear an explanation,
because all I heard
was that you didn't want
to get married again.
That's not it at all.
Let me just try to remember
what I told Barb,
because she really got it.
I love you...
but I'm never
gonna marry you.
Wait, that wasn't it.
That...
I'm gonna go home.
I have a lot to think about.
No. No. It's you.
I don't want to marry you.
Damn it!
Barb!
(mellow music playing)
Wow! There are a lot
of good-looking guys here.
I'm good-looking...
but stupid.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, there you are.
Here's your gift.
Hey.
Uh-uh, I'm keeping it.
Chocolate fountain.
40 bucks at a garage sale.
(sickly groan)
Sit down-- Barb's
about to sing.
No, no, I wasn't gonna stay.
Oh, no, you are.
You have to drive us home.
(laughs):
I think we've had
a little too much to... with...
Great. Nothing like being the
only sober person at a wedding.
I could be home right now
eating used chocolate.
Okay, guys,
I haven't done this
in a long time,
but this is
for Ben and Christine.
Claire! Claire!
(loudly):
Claire and Christine.
(whooping)
That's what I'm talking about!
(mellow intro plays)
* Lying in my bed *
* I hear the clock tick
and think of you *
* Caught up in circles *
* Confusion is nothing new *
(song continues)
Does that sound good to you?
Oh, I mean, if anything,
she has gotten better!
Right.
Yeah.
And... and have you
ever heard her sing
without a drink in your hand?
(laughing):
No, 'cause in college,
I didn't never have...
(laughing)
* If you're lost, you can look *
* And you will find me *
(Christine joins in):
* Time after time, yeah! *
* If you fall,
I will catch you *
* I will be waiting *
* Time after time *
Come on!
RICHARD:
One more time!
* Time after time *
(Christine laughing)
Whoo!
* Time after time... *
Ritchie on the kitchen counter.
Where?
Right there.
Menu-- a 20.
That's a five.
And a coupon
for carpet cleaning.
Just figure it out.
Christine, you have got
to clean your bathroom.
The mold on your showerhead
just gave me the finger.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi!
Hey.
Okay, I'm glad
you guys are here.
Can't wait to get there.
Oh, you love weddings, too?
No, I hate weddings,
but I love getting dressed up
and I'm breaking in a new bra.
I should have
worn a bra.
I'm not going
to let that ruin my mood.
Really? No bra?
I got more support under here
than the troops in Iraq.
Hey, so who's
getting married?
Our old college friend Ben.
So what do we know
about the bride?
Claire, right?
Yeah. Well, Ben's great.
I'm sure she's great.
I hope she's not prettier
than me.
Yeah, nothing worse
than a wedding
where the bride outshines
the bitter drunk lady
in the back.
I don't like that.
Come on. Let's get going.
They're having a champagne
reception before the ceremony.
Hey, we should pick
a designated driver.
Odd finger out?
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, what about me?
(all laugh)
What? What, I can go to
a wedding without drinking.
I've done that before.
When?
Uncle Duddy's wedding.
You were an eight-year-old
flower girl.
I didn't have a drink
and I didn't wear a bra.
It was was such
a beautiful ceremony.
When her dad walked her up
there, I totally lost it.
Their vows were sweet,
but I thought
it was a little tacky
they used tongues
during the kiss.
You didn't think it was tacky
when you shouted,
"That's what I'm talking
about!"?
Okay, drunkies,
here's our table.
All right, let's see,
who did they put us with?
Oh, no.
No!
Uh! Not a chance.
I can't find my card.
You might want
to check table six.
You guys made it.
Ben! There he is!
Oh, hey!
My God, Christine,
you look fantastic.
Oh, please.
Your hair got smaller
and you stopped dressing
like Pat Benatar.
(laughs)
Yeah, I don't miss those
black pleather pants.
God, at the end of college,
I had to powder up
to get in those babies.
Barbara Jean--
"BJ."
Benjamin Michael-- "B.M."
Dude, you look great.
Dude, so do you.
(affected voice):
It's in the hole.
Cinderella story,
come out of nowhere.
What are they doing?
Oh, it's from Caddyshack.
We used to watch it
a lot in college.
Oh, in college
we watched Titanic.
(as Kate Winslet):
"I'm so cold, Jack."
You should rent it.
Uh, Ben, this is my girlfriend
New Christine.
Hi, I loved your wedding.
I love all weddings.
Except my dad's
second wedding.
My mom crashed it...
with her car.
Well, there's no chance
of that happening here.
My parents are dead.
They were hit by a car
at a wedding.
Hey, wait a minute.
He's kidding, sweetie.
You ass!
(Christine laughing)
Pretty funny. We were sued.
I gotta go get another drink.
(clears throat)
Claire.
These are my friends
from college
I was telling
you about.
This is Richard.
He's got a license
to kill gophers.
Oh, Caddyshack. Yay.
Great to meet you, though.
Thanks so much for coming.
And this is Christine.
Hi. Oh, what a great wedding.
You look so beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
So, this is Christine.
The famous Christine.
The best friend,
the perfect woman.
The one he can't stop talking
about even when he's asked to.
Hi, I'm Barb.
Oh, "B.J."
I haven't been called that
since college
for lots of reasons.
Well, Ben tells me
you're an amazing singer.
Oh, I don't know
about amazing.
I used to get up at open mike
night back in college.
You know, people seemed
to like it.
Standing ovations.
You have to sing something
with the band later.
That would be classic.
Oh, I really don't do that
anymore.
I'm kind of retired.
I understand.
All right, I'll do it.
By the way,
that giant gift
over there,
that's from me.
In case the card falls off.
Okay.
Oh, shoot!
I left your gift at home,
and it was so good, too.
Mm. Well, Ben loves
your presents.
He still wears that Jackson
Browne T-shirt you got him...
all the time,
even when he's asked not to.
We should go say hello
to my family.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll catch
you guys later.
Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...
Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...
Okay.
(laughs)
Wow, she did not like you.
Right? I know.
What the hell
was that all about?
Ben always had
a thing for you.
She probably feels
a little threatened.
Oh, God, do I look that good?
No.
No.
Come on.
Let's go get a drink.
Yeah, go ahead and drink.
I'll be here to pick up the
pieces, get you home safe.
God, why do I always
have to be the grown-up?
I am quickly falling out of love
with this new bra.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Matthew, I forgot
the wedding gift.
Listen, I need you to call
Ali and get her to come over
and watch Ritchie
and you can bring it to me.
What wedding gift?
The chocolate fountain.
It's in a big box
on the kitchen counter.
Where is it?
Just bring it.
I'm sober
and I'm not in the mood.
This is such
a beautiful event.
I love the place settings
and the flowers.
It's a perfect size
for a wedding.
Not too big, not too small.
What would you call this,
medium?
I guess.
What kind of weddings
do you like?
Short ones.
I don't really think
about weddings.
Yeah, me, neither.
Be a shame to drive
into this wedding.
What can I get for you?
Club soda.
Boy, there are
a lot of drinkers
here tonight, huh?
I mean, I'm not judging.
It's just sad.
Well, I think everyone's
just having a good time.
It's a... wedding.
Champagne, please.
(mouthing)
So, listen, Claire,
I am picking up some
major weirdness
between us,
and I really want
to reassure you
that Ben and I were
just friends.
That is it, really.
I'm sure he hasn't
had a single thought
about me in 15 years.
He married you.
Can't we be friends?
And before you answer,
remember, you got
a great gift coming.
With a really funny card.
Um, there are these two cows
on a racquetball court...
(laughs)
No, no. Wait till you see it.
I don't want
to ruin it, but...
Uh, I'm sorry.
It's a big day
and I'm a little wound up.
Yeah.
It's just, he talks about you
in such glowing terms.
I... I guess I made you out
to be a threat,
but now that I've met you, I...
I actually feel a lot better.
Oh.
Yeah, see? I'm just
a regular girl.
I put my comfortable underwear
on one leg at a time.
Although, actually,
today I accidentally put
two legs through one hole
'cause I was driving, but...
I'm actually feeling
so much better.
Oh, good, good, yeah.
Did you see that?
I'm telling you,
if I had been drinking,
it would have gone
a whole different way.
I would have offended her
or spilled something on her
and then, I don't know,
made out with her.
Are guys always this ugly
at weddings?
Ugh!
Hey.
I got tired of waiting, so
I snagged a couple of prime ribs
off that table over there.
The bride and groom's table?
Yeah. They never eat
at their own wedding.
Mmm!
It's so good.
Definitely the best thing
about a wedding.
So you do think about weddings?
What?
Well, earlier you said
you never think about weddings,
but now you're saying
you like to eat at weddings,
so you've obviously thought
about that.
Yeah, I like to eat at weddings,
I like to eat at funerals,
I like to eat in my car.
I like to eat.
What are we talking about?
Nothing. You don't have
to freak out.
I just want to know
where you stand on weddings.
I don't really stand anywhere.
I've been married,
I had a wedding
and kind of glad
to be done with it.
Oh.
That's all I wanted to know.
I love you.
(as Bill Murray):
It's in the hole.
So she doesn't hate you?
No. I am telling you, Barb,
I totally turned it around.
Not drinking at a wedding
is amazing.
My senses are sharper,
I can make quick decisions--
I'm like a freakin' ninja.
Hey, that sounds good.
I'm gonna have a kamikaze.
(glass clinking)
Excuse me, everyone, if
I can have your attention?
Uh, first I'd like to say,
uh, whoever stole our steaks,
we're going to find you.
I'm serious. Not cool.
Second...
there are so many people
who helped make tonight
the special night it is.
But mainly, I'd like to thank
the woman I love,
the girl of my dreams.
I can't wait to begin
my life with her.
I love you, Christine.
Oh, crap.
(quietly):
Oh, crap.
He said my name--
I was just sitting there
minding my own business.
I can't help it if he
finds me irresistible.
(hiccups, belches)
Club soda. Sorry.
And a little garlic bread.
Seriously, come on,
what am I gonna do now?
It's a big room,
the cake'll be out soon--
just lay low
and steer clear of Claire.
(sobbing)
I have no more ideas.
Yes, I do.
Oh.
I'm gonna get a mai-tai.
(sniffles)
Fun wedding, huh?
(chuckles):
I feel like
a fairy tale princess.
Did you see
when my mom threw up?
Claire, I'm really sorry.
No, no need to apologize.
I'm glad I found out now--
20 minutes after I agreed
to spend the rest of my life
with him.
No, no. It was a
mistake, you know?
I was in his eye-line,
and we'd been talking,
and it just slipped out.
I know. Perfectly innocent.
In fact, I'm sure you guys
will have a good laugh about it
on your honeymoon
at the Four Seasons in Maui.
Oh. I heard about that place.
That's where you can swim
with those dolphins.
You've ruined my wedding!
Claire, I know you're
having a bad day.
Weddings are brutal
for the bride.
You're anxious, you're keyed up,
you've been drinking.
I'm not judging. I mean...
It's a little sad, but...
Marriage is not
about the wedding.
Nobody remembers the toast
or the food
or those tacky
bridesmaids' dresses.
I made those.
Beautiful!
Anyway, marriage is
about the man you love
and the man who loves you
more than anybody else.
And that man is Ben.
Wow.
What a perfect thing to say.
Oh, well...
Thank you.
(chuckles):
You're welcome.
Hey, listen,
is this one of those weddings
where you can take home
the centerpieces?
No.
Oh, okay, I'll...
I'll, uh, I-I'll
put it back.
Um, it's-it's not...
I can do that.
You've been dating the girl
for over a year,
you take her to a wedding,
and you didn't think she
was gonna bring up marriage?
Dope.
I know.
What exactly is the problem?
Don't you want to marry her?
It's not her, it's marriage.
It starts off with
"I love you," and
ends with her mother
cutting my face out
of all the family
photos. True story.
Marriage doesn't work.
That's why more than
half of them fail.
Hey, how you doing!
You guys are gonna make it!
Happy, happy, happy!
Damn!
Hit me.
I don't know what to do.
I love her.
I love what we
have together.
I could even see spending
the rest of my life with her.
I just don't want to get married
and mess everything up.
I love her too much
to lose her.
Well, there you go--
tell her that.
Yeah. I'll tell her that.
It's perfect.
Will you tell her that?
No. It should be me.
Right?
Dope!
(laughing)
And his mother used to
visit us in college
in this giant boat
of a Cadillac.
(laughing):
Oh, my God...
she still has that.
What? I can't believe
she's even still alive.
She was, like, a thousand
when I met her.
Of course she's still alive--
she's too mean to die.
(laughing)
(sighs):
I can see why you and Ben
are friends.
Oh, gosh, well, there's
nothing else we could be.
(laughing):
I mean, that time we
slept together was a disaster!
(continues laughing)
You slept with Ben?
(stifling laughter)
(stifled laugh):
No. No.
Uh... that mom is mean, huh?
She ain't gonna die.
(forced chuckle)
He told me nothing ever happened
between you two.
He lied to me.
(stammering):
Oh, w... yeah, uh...
everybody lies.
Hey, is there any chance
we can keep this between us?
Excuse me.
Ben?
Claire, wait.
You slept with Christine?
You told me nothing happened.
There's my beautiful bride.
Let's cut the cake.
(quietly):
Ben, Ben, I may have
inadvertently mentioned
that we slept together.
I'm so sorry.
Is that coconut?
Oh, gross.
I feel like our
entire relationship
is based on a lie.
Sweetie, come on,
it was a long time ago.
I barely even remember it.
Yeah, it was fast.
I mean, good fast.
Hey, you're in
for a real treat.
If it was nothing, then
why did you lie about it?
And why did you say
her name in the toast?
I don't know--
but you've got to believe me,
I don't have any feelings
for Christine.
And by the way,
it wasn't that fast.
Hmm. Wasn't that slow.
Claire, I was 19,
40 pounds overweight.
She's the only one that
would sleep with me.
I don't mind
a little chunk.
Kind of dig it.
Ow!
Ow...
I want you to stop talking
and start drinking.
But I'm the designated driver.
I'm un-designating you.
You're the only person I know
who's more of an ass
sober than drunk.
That's true.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah!
(knocking)
Baby?
You alone?
Yeah.
I was just talking to Barb,
and what I said before
came out all wrong, and maybe
if I could explain it to you,
you'd understand
where I'm coming from.
I'd love to hear an explanation,
because all I heard
was that you didn't want
to get married again.
That's not it at all.
Let me just try to remember
what I told Barb,
because she really got it.
I love you...
but I'm never
gonna marry you.
Wait, that wasn't it.
That...
I'm gonna go home.
I have a lot to think about.
No. No. It's you.
I don't want to marry you.
Damn it!
Barb!
(mellow music playing)
Wow! There are a lot
of good-looking guys here.
I'm good-looking...
but stupid.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, there you are.
Here's your gift.
Hey.
Uh-uh, I'm keeping it.
Chocolate fountain.
40 bucks at a garage sale.
(sickly groan)
Sit down-- Barb's
about to sing.
No, no, I wasn't gonna stay.
Oh, no, you are.
You have to drive us home.
(laughs):
I think we've had
a little too much to... with...
Great. Nothing like being the
only sober person at a wedding.
I could be home right now
eating used chocolate.
Okay, guys,
I haven't done this
in a long time,
but this is
for Ben and Christine.
Claire! Claire!
(loudly):
Claire and Christine.
(whooping)
That's what I'm talking about!
(mellow intro plays)
* Lying in my bed *
* I hear the clock tick
and think of you *
* Caught up in circles *
* Confusion is nothing new *
(song continues)
Does that sound good to you?
Oh, I mean, if anything,
she has gotten better!
Right.
Yeah.
And... and have you
ever heard her sing
without a drink in your hand?
(laughing):
No, 'cause in college,
I didn't never have...
(laughing)
* If you're lost, you can look *
* And you will find me *
(Christine joins in):
* Time after time, yeah! *
* If you fall,
I will catch you *
* I will be waiting *
* Time after time *
Come on!
RICHARD:
One more time!
* Time after time *
(Christine laughing)
Whoo!
* Time after time... *