Marriage (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
This program me
contains strong language
TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT IN SPANISH
TANNOY: Departure flight 2115
to Zurich -
please, passengers, proceed to
gate number 6.
I had to pay for the ketchup. No.
30 cents.
You're kidding me. Nope.
Each? Yeah, for each little sachet.
They're taking the piss.
I had to put some back.
30 cents! That's... that's what?
That's 25p?
What's the exchange rate?
What am I doing?
Be cheaper to buy a bottle.
I actually said that to him.
Did you?
Yeah, he just ignored me.
No potato?
Erm, no. They only do chips. Really?
Yeah.
I picked up maybe ten sachets.
Yeah? What did he say when you
asked him?
The ketchup?
No, me potato.
I didn't ask him. He's about 12,
barely speaks English.
Well, most expensive bit of ketchup
I'll ever eat.
SHE CHUCKLES
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Erm, excuse me. Sorry.
What's going on?
What do you mean?
Oh, come on.
What do you mean, what's going on?
Is it the potato thing?
Of course it's not
the bloody potato thing.
There weren't even any baked
potatoes on the menu, so I...
Look, oh, my God. Please!
As though I'd get in a mood
about a potato.
HE LAUGHS
If you'd have wanted me to ask,
I'd have asked.
OK. All... all that's happened here,
just to get a bit of perspective,
you're a grown-up.
Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's not... You're a grown-up who
wanted a jacket potato.
Yeah, yeah. But instead you got
some chips. That's not what...
So... That's not what I meant.
Oh, come on, you know that's funny.
If you wanted me to ask,
I'd have asked.
You should've asked.
Oh, don't turn this into something.
I'm not!
I'm not.
You know, we're flying,
aren't we? So...
Yeah, I'm fine with flying.
It's not about flying, though,
is it?
Now you're turning this
into something. I'm not.
I'm not!
You ate the fucking chips.
Excuse me, sir. Yeah, I know.
We're about to take off.
You ate the chips, Ian, so why all
the fuss
about a jacket potato if you were
going to eat the chips, anyway?
They all do it, power trip.
This isn't about the chips
or the flying.
Why couldn't you just ask him?
We both know what this is about.
You going there?
You're really going to use that?
We've had a lovely holiday.
Wow, thank you. I haven't done
anything wrong.
Why was it so hard to ask him if he
could do me a jacket potato?
Why was it so hard to ask him
about the jacket potato?
All I wanted was a jacket potato.
I can't believe we're having
an argument about jacket potatoes.
I mean, seriously...
Ahh, it's not about jacket potatoes.
You keep going on about jacket
potatoes, so...
If you'd have wanted me to ask,
I'd have asked.
Oh, just do your crossword
and shut the fuck up.
I beg your pardon?
I beg your pardon,
but I haven't done anything wrong.
Of course you haven't,
you never do. Oh, my God, Ian.
Shut up and do your
stupid crossword.
Actually, you just shut up and go
away and fucking leave me alone.
MUSIC: Part it a For 8 Singers:
by Roomful of Teeth
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ And around
Through the middle and
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ And around and around... ♪
ENGINES ROAR
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
40 quid!
ALARM WHINES
What an idiot.
SHE CHUCKLES
ALARM BEEPS
She said it was like... It was the
best steak she'd ever eaten.
It'd need to be.
SHE CHUCKLES
SIREN BLARES
It didn't even come with anything.
Sorry?
There was a siren.
Steak - it didn't even come
with anything.
Oh. Fucking idiot.
SHE CHUCKLES
Oh, it had, like, a jus, but...
They know what they're doing.
Will you get this?
What's that?
Ah, no, no.
No, you do it.
She'll talk to me.
I've taken my shoes off.
How's your tummy?
Erm...
Jesus Christ,
are you going to answer me?
I thought you'd died.
I'm thinking.
Just asking how your tummy was.
It's fine. Yeah.
It's not too bad.
It was just a bit...
Ah, a lot of gas?
Thought I was going to take off.
HE LAUGHS
You all right with that?
Yeah, it's really easy.
Half price. Nice.
Well, they said it was.
Telly? Or do you want to read?
What do you think?
TV PLAYS
SHOES THUD
HE SIGHS
SHOES THUD
HE SIGHS
It's Jessica.
One minute.
Sorry. Yeah, it's Jessica. She wants
to come over Monday...
...with Adam.
Huh, serious.
I said it was.
CAR APPROACHES
Is it her?
Dad?
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
TV PLAYS
Because they make me want to puke
my fucking guts up?
Ha-ha! They're just holes.
I... I haven't got the...
Here.
How do you even get
so many holes in your boxer shorts?
Found a pair of your knickers
the other day.
Oh, here we go.
Yeah. That was scarring.
SHE LAUGHS
I'll need to go into therapy.
Here.
I'll explain we're on our way
to see Nicholas.
Yeah. Whatever.
Hey, Dad.
Hello, young man.
You made it back, then?
Yeah. Sorry about that.
Oh, well.
Teas? Yes, please. Lovely.
No problem at all.
You all right?
Erm, yep. Yes.
Fine. You?
Yeah, yeah, we're on our way
to see Nicholas,
so we won't stay long.
I brought you some cigarettes.
I can't hear it.
Uh...
The food was good.
Yeah? Yeah.
Really good.
What do they have? Wine there?
Yes, yeah, and beers, spirits...
Yeah, so... so that was good.
You drink much?
A little bit. Oh, dear.
A lot of the food was quite oily.
Ugh. Yeah.
But we found some normal places.
We went in the sea.
We mainly stayed by the pool
and read, but...
Yeah.
Nice to be in the sea.
Cold.
Erm...
You get used to it.
How have you been?
You been OK?
Dad?
You been able to get out much?
Has Paul taken you anywhere?
Dad?
How can you honestly ask me if
I've had a good time
when it was you who abandoned me?
DOOR CLOSES UPSTAIRS
Tea.
Thank you!
You wanted a shot of whisky in
yours, didn't you, Gerry?
OK.
Has she told you about Jess?
No.
She's bringing her new boyfriend.
Can't be worse than the last one.
Mind the wood.
Oh. Of course.
Thanks.
Oh, I just make the teas
and pretend he doesn't hate me.
I thought you handled that
really well.
Thanks. Hmm? Oh!
CAR UNLOCKS
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
CAR ENGINE STARTS
How many did she bring?
How many?
You always see the worst in her.
Oh, come on.
She's so fake.
It's him. He controls her.
They off to see Nicholas?
She has to be the victim.
Dad?
I can go on holiday, can't I?
I'm allowed to go on holiday.
Ian? Yeah.
You are.
I'm allowed to go away with my
husband without having to feel bad.
Where's the card?
I called him every day.
What more does he want?
RUSTLING Ian?
Yeah.
Yep, I...
I completely agree with you.
I just don't want to wind you up.
He didn't ask about the holiday.
He didn't ask me about myself.
He didn't even mention
all the bloody postcards.
They were up in the kitchen.
What do you mean?
On the fridge.
Do you want to read it?
No, no.
You do the...?
Yeah.
SHE SOBS
SOBBING INTENSIFIES
HE SOBS
She liked that sticky
toffee pudding.
She did, actually. So, I could get
that again, the custard,
the fresh one...
Yeah... in the fridges.
Or ice cream? Or both?
Get both.
Cashews?
Cashews? Wow.
She likes them.
Are you kidding me?
What? Get peanuts.
They're only a pound more.
I think I'll get two bottles of
prosecco in case Adam wants some.
Yeah.
Good idea.
Yeah, she can always take it home.
I said she can always take it home.
She'll probably drink them both,
anyway.
You don't have to do that now,
do you?
Erm, yep. I do, yeah.
I've got Jamie first thing.
TYPING
HE SIGHS
Here.
Thanks. It is a bit...
I know, I need to do
the heating.
It's not like you.
It's all falling apart.
THEY LAUGH
Yeah, that's the one good thing
about not having a job any more.
Freedom.
HE CHUCKLES
You're so lucky.
I took Albie to Chris's parents'
and stayed there till his bedtime.
How's he sleeping now?
SHE SIGHS
Oh, no. Yeah, it's...
Because he was going through a good
patch. Oh, yeah.
No, he was sleeping right through
seven till ten,
give him a little sleepy feed,
go all the way through till five.
And that lasted a couple of weeks.
Yep.
What?
You just going to leave that there?
She'll go mad.
FOOTSTEPS THUMP
LOW CHATTER
Morning. Morning.
Hi, Emma. Welcome back.
Yep. Thank you.
Erm, Jamie wants to see you.
Jamie wants to see you.
Yep. I heard.
This is Emily.
Work experience.
In his office? Yeah.
CUP CLATTERS
Morning. Morning.
All right.
Morning.
Who's next?
Hello, again.
Hello again.
Just saw you out there. Gym?
Yes, please. Certainly.
Thanks.
Yeah...
Yeah, looking forward to
a workout.
Good.
Body moving.
Go right through.
Great. Right. See you after. OK.
How can I help?
LOW CHATTER
You, um...?
Ah, no, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Go ahead.
I think he's waiting.
Sorry, sir. Are you waiting?
Erm, no, I'm good, lads.
Sorry, sir.
No, no worries. All good, lads.
Sorry.
Nah. No worries, all good.
Morning, Jamie. Sorry I'm late.
Oh, new jacket?
Erm, yes. Yeah.
Cool. Did you get that on holiday?
Erm, yeah, well, I ordered it
on holiday
and then it was there when
I got back.
Cool. Good holiday? Bad holiday?
Glad to be home?
It was good, yes. Thank you.
Was it, erm, Spain?
Yes, yeah.
Erm, take a seat.
Where's it from?
I just... I just got it online.
It's a great colour.
Thanks. Yeah, you never know when
you buy online whether it's...
It's... it's a bit of a gamble. Yeah.
Yeah. But, no,
I love that colour on you.
Thank you.
How is Ian?
Erm, do you mind if I eat?
Of course, yes, go ahead.
Had to grab this on the way in.
Had a bit of a night last night.
No, Ian was good, thank you.
Oh, great.
Yeah. Bet that was a relief.
He needed a bit of a holiday, so...
Well, his whole life's
a holiday now.
You're not allowed
to go away again.
Seriously, I'm not even joking.
PHONE RINGS
Honestly, those two...
And that useless fucking
work experience...
Ohh.
Shall I... Shall I come back?
Babe, I'm actually in
a really important meeting.
Yeah. Uh...
Yeah, about 2.30.
Yeah, I should be done by then.
All right, OK.
Mm-hm. Great.
Is that a new jacket, Emma?
It is, yes.
Nice.
It's a good colour.
Thank you.
How was your holiday?
Lots of wild nights out with Ian?
Hello. Hello.
Yeah... Yeah, all good in there.
Good.
Yeah. Good to keep moving.
Absolutely.
Bye. Have a lovely day.
You get to work out much?
Or do they keep you chained up
in here?
Yeah, I like to if I get
the chance. Burn off some energy.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Build up a sweat.
I just need to, erm...
Oh, right, yeah.
No, sorry.
I've still got five minutes.
No, I know.
BELL RINGS
Hey. I'm sorry if I... No, no.
Right. I'm off to Asda.
Have a lovely afternoon.
Good luck.
How can I help you?
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
You OK?
I'm just going to...
Yeah, yeah.
Max, it's me. Are you in there?
Max? Are you OK?
Hello, you.
It's so exciting.
Let me see it, then.
Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.
Thank you.
God, wow. OK.
The stone was my nan's,
and my mate who worked in Hatton...
Ah.
Blimey.
That's so sweet.
I... I love it.
Can I help you, sir?
Yeah, sorry, mate.
Is Maxine around?
Maxine? Yeah.
No, she's finished.
Is there
anything I can help you with?
No, no, no. It's fine.
Erm, I was in this morning
and I... No, I think I accidentally
upset her. Erm...
OK, could write her
a little message?
No, no. You sure, I could just pop
it on her locker? No, no.
No, no, it's all good.
Um...
Erm...
What time's she in tomorrow?
I'm afraid I don't have that
information, sir.
Right, well, thanks for your help.
No problem, sir. Anything else I can
do for you? Erm, no, no, no.
Erm, sorry to disturb you.
No problem, sir. Bye.
Bye, sir.
You in?
How was your day?
Yeah. Really good.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah. You?
Uh...
Yeah. You know...
So you didn't feel...?
No, no. All good.
That's amazing.
It was a bit boring maybe.
Huh. God, I'd love
the chance to be bored.
How was your meeting with Jamie?
It was fine.
That's good.
It's nice that you're back.
Oh, God.
Must've been bad.
Hey, maybe you should take
the day off tomorrow.
My dad's like...
He's weird in some ways,
but then in other ways he's not.
Well, that's a paradox.
No, I know. Yeah.
His mum died, he lost his job,
but he still goes around
all cheery, all...
Fake.
Oh, like, it's paper thin.
He convinces no-one.
He doesn't even convince himself.
I think my parents are emotionally
a bit...
Can I see tickets, please?
Emotionally, just...
They just don't really talk.
You know all that stuff
that happened? The baby stuff?
Yeah, well, that would actually
have been really hard for them.
Will you give the toilet a wipe?
Will you give the bathroom a wipe?
Have you put my potatoes in?
Oven's on. Potatoes are in.
I've started drinking already.
HE CHUCKLES
Will you give it a wipe when you're
finished? Have you done the bins?
Will you give it a wipe?
It's so funny.
This is what makes you an artist.
You were this wild spirit brought up
in a world of conformity.
You were this fluid talent caged in
a concrete world.
It's crazy.
That looked nice today.
Thanks.
Yeah. Fits you really well.
Yeah. It's all right.
You wore it to work.
You're noticing what I'm wearing?
Yeah.
Must've been a slow day.
Any comments?
On the jacket?
Oh, yeah.
Hello, love. Hey, Mum.
Oh, it's good to see you.
Hello.
So, this is Adam.
Adam, this is my mum Emma.
Nice to meet you. And you, Adam.
What are we, shoes on? Shoes off?
Oh, leave your shoes on,
we don't care. Here she is.
You all right love? Yeah.
I'm Ian. Welcome, welcome.
I was just saying to Emma,
shoes on, shoes off?
Yeah. No.
Well, we don't really bother about
things like that. We're very, erm...
Something smells good.
Yeah.
Off we go.
Prosecco's in the freezer.
You been all right?
How's work been?
How's Nathan? Oh, my God, Mum.
He's such a dick.
THEY LAUGH
What's he done now? I've been in
there since May,
and I needed to leave
a bit early for a gig.
Oh, don't, I can imagine.
And Nathan was just...
Oh, oh, not Nathan again.
It's not funny, Dad. She had a gig
and he wouldn't let her leave.
It's because he fancies you.
Ugh. Please.
That's crazy.
He wouldn't let you leave?
Sorry.
Oh.
What's wrong with the guy?
I don't know why you're surprised.
I've told you what he's like.
Ah, no, I know. I know.
They aren't drinking.
I mean, what the fuck?
Why the fuck aren't they drinking?
Go and talk to him.
You go talk to him.
Why me? I don't want to talk to him.
I don't want to talk to him.
Help yourself to...
They're cashews.
Yeah.
Sorry, I shouldn't be on my phone.
Oh, no. No, don't worry, honestly.
I'll just finish this if...?
No, honestly,
you do what you need to do.
Sorry.
How was your journey?
Yeah, not bad. Two trains.
Oh, OK.
Or one tube
and then a train. Yeah.
Yeah.
Such a beautiful house.
Thank you.
And... and you and Emma seem like
such an amazing couple.
Thank you.
It's great.
There's cashews.
Yeah. No, I heard you.
It was lovely, wasn't it?
The holiday.
Yeah... Yeah, just what we needed.
Bit of a reset.
Dad's mum died a few months ago.
Yeah. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you. Yeah, and then I got made
redundant a few weeks ago,
so I booked us a little holiday
with some of the money, which...
Oh, must've been just what
you needed. Yeah, yeah.
There's been a lot of change.
Change can actually be really hard
for people.
It can, yeah.
We were just saying,
you should come back with us...
...to Spain. Yeah.
We'd pay, obviously.
Once I've got some work.
And we'd book it around your gigs.
OK. Wow, that's so generous. Yeah.
God. There were all these
restaurants on the seafront.
Even some your mother liked.
No, and they had
all that seafood you eat.
These massive prawns.
This big? Bigger, some of them.
Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't believe
the size of them.
And plates of them,
it was piled high.
I felt sorry for the poor waiters
having to carry them.
I'd have dropped them all.
THEY ALL LAUGH
No, but we said, didn't we,
at the time,
how much you'd like it.
Oh, you'd love it, Jess.
Hmm, yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Well, I'll see how things shape up.
It's a really important time for
Jess in terms of her gigs.
Yeah. Getting people down
to see her.
Of course. Yeah.
I'm on a really good trajectory.
Aren't I?
Getting there, yeah. Great.
That takes priority, obviously.
Well, absolutely.
But if you...
...if you have a gap
or if you fancy a break...
Yeah, I'll try.
Yeah, we'll see what we can do.
Always. Great.
I might have some more salad.
Mmm. Yeah, do, love.
It's all gotta go.
I was going to have some.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, thanks.
I'll just get the other bits.
Yeah, that's great. Thanks, love.
Oh, thank you. Amazing, yeah.
Right. Erm...
He's popped to the toilet.
I like the...
Oh. Thanks, love.
I've had it years.
It's nice on your boobs.
Ha! Oh, you think?
Yeah. You look great.
What are you after?
I think he's fitting in.
Yeah, of course.
He's very unique. Which is great.
He's so clever.
We have amazing conversations.
He basically knows everything
about everything.
That's useful. Yeah.
He can...
Probably since I've been at his,
he's got a little bit funny.
He doesn't like me to drink,
which is probably for the best.
Is he finished? Yeah.
He talks quite a lot about marriage.
I mean, a lot.
He says he wants to be
with me for ever.
That's a long time.
Yeah.
JESS LAUGHS
I guess it's a compliment.
Oh, it was so nice to meet you.
And thanks so much for dinner.
Wow, those potatoes.
Yeah, thanks for everything.
Will you text me when you get there?
Yes, Mum. I make her do that.
Have you got your post
and that? Yep.
Maybe if you've got a minute,
give your grandad a call? Yeah.
Bye, love. Bye. Bye, Adam.
Thank you for a really
lovely evening.
Ahhh. You're welcome.
Bye, then. Bye.
Bye, love. Bye.
Safe journey. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
How many times do
you need to say goodbye?
THEY CHUCKLE
What do you think of Adam?
Don't...
He sees me as a threat.
But a threat to what?
Talk to me, Adam. Please.
Because it's... It's a man thing.
OK. But this is my dad, though.
He barely even knows I'm there.
Honestly. He doesn't talk to me.
He never listens to anything I say,
so he can't see you as a threat.
It's a man thing.
Marriage?
She won't marry that fucking creep.
He's not even attractive.
I mean, if it was
a sex thing, then maybe, but...
I hated his fucking face.
Because I've been in relationships
before where
the girl was basically always siding
with the dad,
and that's fine if that's who
you are. I'm not siding with him.
I promised myself I wouldn't get
into that kind
of relationship again, so...
I'm not siding with him, though.
I'm not siding with him.
I promise I won't side with him.
Mmm. I promise.
Look, I'm yours. I'm all yours.
I promise you,
I'm completely yours.
He didn't even eat it.
He didn't even eat the salad.
Yeah. Can you put them back?
I've got an early start.
Did you see how much he left?
Did you see how much salad he left?
Well, maybe he was full up.
He wasn't full up.
He's a fucking beast.
THEY LAUGH
She barely said goodbye.
Oh, it was him. He just...
She used to fling herself at me.
Do you remember?
The run up.
Oh, the run up.
Yeah.
I can still feel her little arms.
They could barely reach
around me neck.
She says he's a record producer.
HE SCOFFS
God, I need another wee.
A record producer.
I've never heard of him.
If you Google him,
nothing comes up.
Don't think about it.
Yeah, OK, I'll do that.
Thanks.
TOILET FLUSHES
Done?
Who knows?
Oh...
It's so depressing, isn't it?
She's got such dreadful taste
in men.
She'll get rid of him eventually.
Why have you got an early start?
I'm meeting these clients
with Jamie.
Why are you asking me that?
Don't ask me like that.
How was Jamie today?
He's fine. Good.
Yeah.
Did he miss you?
Don't start this
or we'll never get to sleep.
MUSIC: Part it a For 8 Singers
by Roomful of Teeth
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ And around
Through the middle and
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ And around
Through the middle and
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side
And around and around
♪ To the side Two, three, four
♪ And across
Five, six, seven, eight
♪ Through the midpoint
Of the line drawn from the
♪ Left side... ♪
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
♪ A square divided horizontally
and vertically
♪ Cut the diamond
♪ The wall is boarded and divided
into four equal parts
♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
♪ A red diagonal line from the lower
left corner towards the upper... ♪
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
♪ ..Twelve lines from the midpoint
of each of the sides... ♪
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
contains strong language
TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT IN SPANISH
TANNOY: Departure flight 2115
to Zurich -
please, passengers, proceed to
gate number 6.
I had to pay for the ketchup. No.
30 cents.
You're kidding me. Nope.
Each? Yeah, for each little sachet.
They're taking the piss.
I had to put some back.
30 cents! That's... that's what?
That's 25p?
What's the exchange rate?
What am I doing?
Be cheaper to buy a bottle.
I actually said that to him.
Did you?
Yeah, he just ignored me.
No potato?
Erm, no. They only do chips. Really?
Yeah.
I picked up maybe ten sachets.
Yeah? What did he say when you
asked him?
The ketchup?
No, me potato.
I didn't ask him. He's about 12,
barely speaks English.
Well, most expensive bit of ketchup
I'll ever eat.
SHE CHUCKLES
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Erm, excuse me. Sorry.
What's going on?
What do you mean?
Oh, come on.
What do you mean, what's going on?
Is it the potato thing?
Of course it's not
the bloody potato thing.
There weren't even any baked
potatoes on the menu, so I...
Look, oh, my God. Please!
As though I'd get in a mood
about a potato.
HE LAUGHS
If you'd have wanted me to ask,
I'd have asked.
OK. All... all that's happened here,
just to get a bit of perspective,
you're a grown-up.
Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's not... You're a grown-up who
wanted a jacket potato.
Yeah, yeah. But instead you got
some chips. That's not what...
So... That's not what I meant.
Oh, come on, you know that's funny.
If you wanted me to ask,
I'd have asked.
You should've asked.
Oh, don't turn this into something.
I'm not!
I'm not.
You know, we're flying,
aren't we? So...
Yeah, I'm fine with flying.
It's not about flying, though,
is it?
Now you're turning this
into something. I'm not.
I'm not!
You ate the fucking chips.
Excuse me, sir. Yeah, I know.
We're about to take off.
You ate the chips, Ian, so why all
the fuss
about a jacket potato if you were
going to eat the chips, anyway?
They all do it, power trip.
This isn't about the chips
or the flying.
Why couldn't you just ask him?
We both know what this is about.
You going there?
You're really going to use that?
We've had a lovely holiday.
Wow, thank you. I haven't done
anything wrong.
Why was it so hard to ask him if he
could do me a jacket potato?
Why was it so hard to ask him
about the jacket potato?
All I wanted was a jacket potato.
I can't believe we're having
an argument about jacket potatoes.
I mean, seriously...
Ahh, it's not about jacket potatoes.
You keep going on about jacket
potatoes, so...
If you'd have wanted me to ask,
I'd have asked.
Oh, just do your crossword
and shut the fuck up.
I beg your pardon?
I beg your pardon,
but I haven't done anything wrong.
Of course you haven't,
you never do. Oh, my God, Ian.
Shut up and do your
stupid crossword.
Actually, you just shut up and go
away and fucking leave me alone.
MUSIC: Part it a For 8 Singers:
by Roomful of Teeth
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ And around
Through the middle and
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ And around and around... ♪
ENGINES ROAR
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
40 quid!
ALARM WHINES
What an idiot.
SHE CHUCKLES
ALARM BEEPS
She said it was like... It was the
best steak she'd ever eaten.
It'd need to be.
SHE CHUCKLES
SIREN BLARES
It didn't even come with anything.
Sorry?
There was a siren.
Steak - it didn't even come
with anything.
Oh. Fucking idiot.
SHE CHUCKLES
Oh, it had, like, a jus, but...
They know what they're doing.
Will you get this?
What's that?
Ah, no, no.
No, you do it.
She'll talk to me.
I've taken my shoes off.
How's your tummy?
Erm...
Jesus Christ,
are you going to answer me?
I thought you'd died.
I'm thinking.
Just asking how your tummy was.
It's fine. Yeah.
It's not too bad.
It was just a bit...
Ah, a lot of gas?
Thought I was going to take off.
HE LAUGHS
You all right with that?
Yeah, it's really easy.
Half price. Nice.
Well, they said it was.
Telly? Or do you want to read?
What do you think?
TV PLAYS
SHOES THUD
HE SIGHS
SHOES THUD
HE SIGHS
It's Jessica.
One minute.
Sorry. Yeah, it's Jessica. She wants
to come over Monday...
...with Adam.
Huh, serious.
I said it was.
CAR APPROACHES
Is it her?
Dad?
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
TV PLAYS
Because they make me want to puke
my fucking guts up?
Ha-ha! They're just holes.
I... I haven't got the...
Here.
How do you even get
so many holes in your boxer shorts?
Found a pair of your knickers
the other day.
Oh, here we go.
Yeah. That was scarring.
SHE LAUGHS
I'll need to go into therapy.
Here.
I'll explain we're on our way
to see Nicholas.
Yeah. Whatever.
Hey, Dad.
Hello, young man.
You made it back, then?
Yeah. Sorry about that.
Oh, well.
Teas? Yes, please. Lovely.
No problem at all.
You all right?
Erm, yep. Yes.
Fine. You?
Yeah, yeah, we're on our way
to see Nicholas,
so we won't stay long.
I brought you some cigarettes.
I can't hear it.
Uh...
The food was good.
Yeah? Yeah.
Really good.
What do they have? Wine there?
Yes, yeah, and beers, spirits...
Yeah, so... so that was good.
You drink much?
A little bit. Oh, dear.
A lot of the food was quite oily.
Ugh. Yeah.
But we found some normal places.
We went in the sea.
We mainly stayed by the pool
and read, but...
Yeah.
Nice to be in the sea.
Cold.
Erm...
You get used to it.
How have you been?
You been OK?
Dad?
You been able to get out much?
Has Paul taken you anywhere?
Dad?
How can you honestly ask me if
I've had a good time
when it was you who abandoned me?
DOOR CLOSES UPSTAIRS
Tea.
Thank you!
You wanted a shot of whisky in
yours, didn't you, Gerry?
OK.
Has she told you about Jess?
No.
She's bringing her new boyfriend.
Can't be worse than the last one.
Mind the wood.
Oh. Of course.
Thanks.
Oh, I just make the teas
and pretend he doesn't hate me.
I thought you handled that
really well.
Thanks. Hmm? Oh!
CAR UNLOCKS
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
CAR ENGINE STARTS
How many did she bring?
How many?
You always see the worst in her.
Oh, come on.
She's so fake.
It's him. He controls her.
They off to see Nicholas?
She has to be the victim.
Dad?
I can go on holiday, can't I?
I'm allowed to go on holiday.
Ian? Yeah.
You are.
I'm allowed to go away with my
husband without having to feel bad.
Where's the card?
I called him every day.
What more does he want?
RUSTLING Ian?
Yeah.
Yep, I...
I completely agree with you.
I just don't want to wind you up.
He didn't ask about the holiday.
He didn't ask me about myself.
He didn't even mention
all the bloody postcards.
They were up in the kitchen.
What do you mean?
On the fridge.
Do you want to read it?
No, no.
You do the...?
Yeah.
SHE SOBS
SOBBING INTENSIFIES
HE SOBS
She liked that sticky
toffee pudding.
She did, actually. So, I could get
that again, the custard,
the fresh one...
Yeah... in the fridges.
Or ice cream? Or both?
Get both.
Cashews?
Cashews? Wow.
She likes them.
Are you kidding me?
What? Get peanuts.
They're only a pound more.
I think I'll get two bottles of
prosecco in case Adam wants some.
Yeah.
Good idea.
Yeah, she can always take it home.
I said she can always take it home.
She'll probably drink them both,
anyway.
You don't have to do that now,
do you?
Erm, yep. I do, yeah.
I've got Jamie first thing.
TYPING
HE SIGHS
Here.
Thanks. It is a bit...
I know, I need to do
the heating.
It's not like you.
It's all falling apart.
THEY LAUGH
Yeah, that's the one good thing
about not having a job any more.
Freedom.
HE CHUCKLES
You're so lucky.
I took Albie to Chris's parents'
and stayed there till his bedtime.
How's he sleeping now?
SHE SIGHS
Oh, no. Yeah, it's...
Because he was going through a good
patch. Oh, yeah.
No, he was sleeping right through
seven till ten,
give him a little sleepy feed,
go all the way through till five.
And that lasted a couple of weeks.
Yep.
What?
You just going to leave that there?
She'll go mad.
FOOTSTEPS THUMP
LOW CHATTER
Morning. Morning.
Hi, Emma. Welcome back.
Yep. Thank you.
Erm, Jamie wants to see you.
Jamie wants to see you.
Yep. I heard.
This is Emily.
Work experience.
In his office? Yeah.
CUP CLATTERS
Morning. Morning.
All right.
Morning.
Who's next?
Hello, again.
Hello again.
Just saw you out there. Gym?
Yes, please. Certainly.
Thanks.
Yeah...
Yeah, looking forward to
a workout.
Good.
Body moving.
Go right through.
Great. Right. See you after. OK.
How can I help?
LOW CHATTER
You, um...?
Ah, no, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Go ahead.
I think he's waiting.
Sorry, sir. Are you waiting?
Erm, no, I'm good, lads.
Sorry, sir.
No, no worries. All good, lads.
Sorry.
Nah. No worries, all good.
Morning, Jamie. Sorry I'm late.
Oh, new jacket?
Erm, yes. Yeah.
Cool. Did you get that on holiday?
Erm, yeah, well, I ordered it
on holiday
and then it was there when
I got back.
Cool. Good holiday? Bad holiday?
Glad to be home?
It was good, yes. Thank you.
Was it, erm, Spain?
Yes, yeah.
Erm, take a seat.
Where's it from?
I just... I just got it online.
It's a great colour.
Thanks. Yeah, you never know when
you buy online whether it's...
It's... it's a bit of a gamble. Yeah.
Yeah. But, no,
I love that colour on you.
Thank you.
How is Ian?
Erm, do you mind if I eat?
Of course, yes, go ahead.
Had to grab this on the way in.
Had a bit of a night last night.
No, Ian was good, thank you.
Oh, great.
Yeah. Bet that was a relief.
He needed a bit of a holiday, so...
Well, his whole life's
a holiday now.
You're not allowed
to go away again.
Seriously, I'm not even joking.
PHONE RINGS
Honestly, those two...
And that useless fucking
work experience...
Ohh.
Shall I... Shall I come back?
Babe, I'm actually in
a really important meeting.
Yeah. Uh...
Yeah, about 2.30.
Yeah, I should be done by then.
All right, OK.
Mm-hm. Great.
Is that a new jacket, Emma?
It is, yes.
Nice.
It's a good colour.
Thank you.
How was your holiday?
Lots of wild nights out with Ian?
Hello. Hello.
Yeah... Yeah, all good in there.
Good.
Yeah. Good to keep moving.
Absolutely.
Bye. Have a lovely day.
You get to work out much?
Or do they keep you chained up
in here?
Yeah, I like to if I get
the chance. Burn off some energy.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Build up a sweat.
I just need to, erm...
Oh, right, yeah.
No, sorry.
I've still got five minutes.
No, I know.
BELL RINGS
Hey. I'm sorry if I... No, no.
Right. I'm off to Asda.
Have a lovely afternoon.
Good luck.
How can I help you?
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
You OK?
I'm just going to...
Yeah, yeah.
Max, it's me. Are you in there?
Max? Are you OK?
Hello, you.
It's so exciting.
Let me see it, then.
Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.
Thank you.
God, wow. OK.
The stone was my nan's,
and my mate who worked in Hatton...
Ah.
Blimey.
That's so sweet.
I... I love it.
Can I help you, sir?
Yeah, sorry, mate.
Is Maxine around?
Maxine? Yeah.
No, she's finished.
Is there
anything I can help you with?
No, no, no. It's fine.
Erm, I was in this morning
and I... No, I think I accidentally
upset her. Erm...
OK, could write her
a little message?
No, no. You sure, I could just pop
it on her locker? No, no.
No, no, it's all good.
Um...
Erm...
What time's she in tomorrow?
I'm afraid I don't have that
information, sir.
Right, well, thanks for your help.
No problem, sir. Anything else I can
do for you? Erm, no, no, no.
Erm, sorry to disturb you.
No problem, sir. Bye.
Bye, sir.
You in?
How was your day?
Yeah. Really good.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah. You?
Uh...
Yeah. You know...
So you didn't feel...?
No, no. All good.
That's amazing.
It was a bit boring maybe.
Huh. God, I'd love
the chance to be bored.
How was your meeting with Jamie?
It was fine.
That's good.
It's nice that you're back.
Oh, God.
Must've been bad.
Hey, maybe you should take
the day off tomorrow.
My dad's like...
He's weird in some ways,
but then in other ways he's not.
Well, that's a paradox.
No, I know. Yeah.
His mum died, he lost his job,
but he still goes around
all cheery, all...
Fake.
Oh, like, it's paper thin.
He convinces no-one.
He doesn't even convince himself.
I think my parents are emotionally
a bit...
Can I see tickets, please?
Emotionally, just...
They just don't really talk.
You know all that stuff
that happened? The baby stuff?
Yeah, well, that would actually
have been really hard for them.
Will you give the toilet a wipe?
Will you give the bathroom a wipe?
Have you put my potatoes in?
Oven's on. Potatoes are in.
I've started drinking already.
HE CHUCKLES
Will you give it a wipe when you're
finished? Have you done the bins?
Will you give it a wipe?
It's so funny.
This is what makes you an artist.
You were this wild spirit brought up
in a world of conformity.
You were this fluid talent caged in
a concrete world.
It's crazy.
That looked nice today.
Thanks.
Yeah. Fits you really well.
Yeah. It's all right.
You wore it to work.
You're noticing what I'm wearing?
Yeah.
Must've been a slow day.
Any comments?
On the jacket?
Oh, yeah.
Hello, love. Hey, Mum.
Oh, it's good to see you.
Hello.
So, this is Adam.
Adam, this is my mum Emma.
Nice to meet you. And you, Adam.
What are we, shoes on? Shoes off?
Oh, leave your shoes on,
we don't care. Here she is.
You all right love? Yeah.
I'm Ian. Welcome, welcome.
I was just saying to Emma,
shoes on, shoes off?
Yeah. No.
Well, we don't really bother about
things like that. We're very, erm...
Something smells good.
Yeah.
Off we go.
Prosecco's in the freezer.
You been all right?
How's work been?
How's Nathan? Oh, my God, Mum.
He's such a dick.
THEY LAUGH
What's he done now? I've been in
there since May,
and I needed to leave
a bit early for a gig.
Oh, don't, I can imagine.
And Nathan was just...
Oh, oh, not Nathan again.
It's not funny, Dad. She had a gig
and he wouldn't let her leave.
It's because he fancies you.
Ugh. Please.
That's crazy.
He wouldn't let you leave?
Sorry.
Oh.
What's wrong with the guy?
I don't know why you're surprised.
I've told you what he's like.
Ah, no, I know. I know.
They aren't drinking.
I mean, what the fuck?
Why the fuck aren't they drinking?
Go and talk to him.
You go talk to him.
Why me? I don't want to talk to him.
I don't want to talk to him.
Help yourself to...
They're cashews.
Yeah.
Sorry, I shouldn't be on my phone.
Oh, no. No, don't worry, honestly.
I'll just finish this if...?
No, honestly,
you do what you need to do.
Sorry.
How was your journey?
Yeah, not bad. Two trains.
Oh, OK.
Or one tube
and then a train. Yeah.
Yeah.
Such a beautiful house.
Thank you.
And... and you and Emma seem like
such an amazing couple.
Thank you.
It's great.
There's cashews.
Yeah. No, I heard you.
It was lovely, wasn't it?
The holiday.
Yeah... Yeah, just what we needed.
Bit of a reset.
Dad's mum died a few months ago.
Yeah. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you. Yeah, and then I got made
redundant a few weeks ago,
so I booked us a little holiday
with some of the money, which...
Oh, must've been just what
you needed. Yeah, yeah.
There's been a lot of change.
Change can actually be really hard
for people.
It can, yeah.
We were just saying,
you should come back with us...
...to Spain. Yeah.
We'd pay, obviously.
Once I've got some work.
And we'd book it around your gigs.
OK. Wow, that's so generous. Yeah.
God. There were all these
restaurants on the seafront.
Even some your mother liked.
No, and they had
all that seafood you eat.
These massive prawns.
This big? Bigger, some of them.
Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't believe
the size of them.
And plates of them,
it was piled high.
I felt sorry for the poor waiters
having to carry them.
I'd have dropped them all.
THEY ALL LAUGH
No, but we said, didn't we,
at the time,
how much you'd like it.
Oh, you'd love it, Jess.
Hmm, yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Well, I'll see how things shape up.
It's a really important time for
Jess in terms of her gigs.
Yeah. Getting people down
to see her.
Of course. Yeah.
I'm on a really good trajectory.
Aren't I?
Getting there, yeah. Great.
That takes priority, obviously.
Well, absolutely.
But if you...
...if you have a gap
or if you fancy a break...
Yeah, I'll try.
Yeah, we'll see what we can do.
Always. Great.
I might have some more salad.
Mmm. Yeah, do, love.
It's all gotta go.
I was going to have some.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, thanks.
I'll just get the other bits.
Yeah, that's great. Thanks, love.
Oh, thank you. Amazing, yeah.
Right. Erm...
He's popped to the toilet.
I like the...
Oh. Thanks, love.
I've had it years.
It's nice on your boobs.
Ha! Oh, you think?
Yeah. You look great.
What are you after?
I think he's fitting in.
Yeah, of course.
He's very unique. Which is great.
He's so clever.
We have amazing conversations.
He basically knows everything
about everything.
That's useful. Yeah.
He can...
Probably since I've been at his,
he's got a little bit funny.
He doesn't like me to drink,
which is probably for the best.
Is he finished? Yeah.
He talks quite a lot about marriage.
I mean, a lot.
He says he wants to be
with me for ever.
That's a long time.
Yeah.
JESS LAUGHS
I guess it's a compliment.
Oh, it was so nice to meet you.
And thanks so much for dinner.
Wow, those potatoes.
Yeah, thanks for everything.
Will you text me when you get there?
Yes, Mum. I make her do that.
Have you got your post
and that? Yep.
Maybe if you've got a minute,
give your grandad a call? Yeah.
Bye, love. Bye. Bye, Adam.
Thank you for a really
lovely evening.
Ahhh. You're welcome.
Bye, then. Bye.
Bye, love. Bye.
Safe journey. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
How many times do
you need to say goodbye?
THEY CHUCKLE
What do you think of Adam?
Don't...
He sees me as a threat.
But a threat to what?
Talk to me, Adam. Please.
Because it's... It's a man thing.
OK. But this is my dad, though.
He barely even knows I'm there.
Honestly. He doesn't talk to me.
He never listens to anything I say,
so he can't see you as a threat.
It's a man thing.
Marriage?
She won't marry that fucking creep.
He's not even attractive.
I mean, if it was
a sex thing, then maybe, but...
I hated his fucking face.
Because I've been in relationships
before where
the girl was basically always siding
with the dad,
and that's fine if that's who
you are. I'm not siding with him.
I promised myself I wouldn't get
into that kind
of relationship again, so...
I'm not siding with him, though.
I'm not siding with him.
I promise I won't side with him.
Mmm. I promise.
Look, I'm yours. I'm all yours.
I promise you,
I'm completely yours.
He didn't even eat it.
He didn't even eat the salad.
Yeah. Can you put them back?
I've got an early start.
Did you see how much he left?
Did you see how much salad he left?
Well, maybe he was full up.
He wasn't full up.
He's a fucking beast.
THEY LAUGH
She barely said goodbye.
Oh, it was him. He just...
She used to fling herself at me.
Do you remember?
The run up.
Oh, the run up.
Yeah.
I can still feel her little arms.
They could barely reach
around me neck.
She says he's a record producer.
HE SCOFFS
God, I need another wee.
A record producer.
I've never heard of him.
If you Google him,
nothing comes up.
Don't think about it.
Yeah, OK, I'll do that.
Thanks.
TOILET FLUSHES
Done?
Who knows?
Oh...
It's so depressing, isn't it?
She's got such dreadful taste
in men.
She'll get rid of him eventually.
Why have you got an early start?
I'm meeting these clients
with Jamie.
Why are you asking me that?
Don't ask me like that.
How was Jamie today?
He's fine. Good.
Yeah.
Did he miss you?
Don't start this
or we'll never get to sleep.
MUSIC: Part it a For 8 Singers
by Roomful of Teeth
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ And around
Through the middle and
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ And around
Through the middle and
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side And around
♪ Through the middle and
To the side
♪ To the side To the side
♪ To the side
And around and around
♪ To the side Two, three, four
♪ And across
Five, six, seven, eight
♪ Through the midpoint
Of the line drawn from the
♪ Left side... ♪
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
♪ A square divided horizontally
and vertically
♪ Cut the diamond
♪ The wall is boarded and divided
into four equal parts
♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
♪ A red diagonal line from the lower
left corner towards the upper... ♪
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
♪ ..Twelve lines from the midpoint
of each of the sides... ♪
VOICES HARMONISE AND OVERLAP
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.