Marie Antoinette (2022-…): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Slap - full transcript

MUSIC

Good morning!

Good morning!

Good morning!

Stop!

Good morning!

Good morning!

Good morning!

Think of your duty to me.

Your duty to Austria, to the House of Habsburg, to the Holy Roman Empire and your duty to France.

I look ridiculous.



You look French.

I have taken it upon myself to prepare her for Versailles, Count Mercien.

Charlotte was ideal for the position, but she was snapped up by neighbors.

That's right.

France has perfected the art of etiquette.

Our curses are copied all over the world.

The first one is a simple bow.

The second is the queen of curtsies.

A lower, lower.

The head up to the side.

As you can see, she has a long way to go.

Versailles is quick to pick up on imperfections.

They have asked us to confirm she is menstruating.

We have not replied.



And again.

Should we hold her back?

Anti Austrian elements at Versailles were twisted to their advantage.

We can't let a minor setback stand in the way of Austrian diplomacy.

She is the final piece in the Habsburg Bourbon puzzle.

Toinette! Toinette!

This is Count Mercien.

Our ambassador to France.

Archduchess?

Mercien will be your mentor at Versailles.

Your French master is waiting for you.

Excuse me, Count Mercien.

Duty calls.

She will need all the assistance we can give her.

Is that good enough for Versailles?

No!

No!

No!

It's enough.

It's goat's cheese mixed with yogurt.

Your father sweated on his toast.

He did not.

Use it at night to clean your face.

I look like this on my wedding night.

When Louis de Clare has love for me.

Entertain the dauphin.

Laughter brings joy to a marriage.

Should I entertain him in bed?

The marriage bed is the place where husband and wife lie together in the greatest intimacy.

Louis will guide you like your father guided me.

Papa was gentle, but firm.

Ma!

Your job is to deliver the heir.

What if I can't?

You will have failed in your duty.

Do I look like a French princess?

You will always be an Austrian archduchess.

Who comes first?

Austria or France?

Who do you think?

Why would they hate me for being Austrian?

Let me through.

I'm going next year.

Or even the year after.

You can't stay tonight.

Why? Why not?

The count got has been signed and sealed.

Please.

Mama, don't.

Don't make me go up.

I will go out to you.

You may go now.

Go!

Go!

Oh, stop!

Attention!

The moment you cross the border, you will represent the Habsburg Empire.

I'm Madame de Noy, mistress of your household.

Courtsy.

Take the dog.

No, no, no, that's my dog.

Your dog is not welcome here.

Where are you taking him?

Back to Austria, where it belongs.

What?

A French princess does not display her feelings.

I never cry in publics.

We will be staying overnight at the Royal Lodge.

You will be presented to His Majesty, the King.

You will address him as Sire.

And then, Louis Auguste heir apparent, following the untimely death of his father.

You will address him as Monsieur.

Louis Stanislas Xavier, Comte de Provence, heir presumptive, you will address him as Sire.

Monsieur! Monsieur! Monsieur!

Where is Louis?

Coming, Sire.

So is she!

Monsieur!

Find him!

Find him!

Monsieur! Monsieur! Monsieur! Monsieur!

Here you are.

Welcome.

You cuts it to His Majesty.

Oh, nonsense.

No need to stand on ceremony here.

Oh, no, you can save that for Versailles.

It is an honor to make your acquaintance, Monsieur.

Madame.

Oh, no, no, no. This is Provence, Louis's brother.

Oh, here he is. Louis.

Louis.

Here.

What have you caught?

Yes.

Ah.

Do stop. Do stop.

You're making our heads spin.

Sorry.

Come and meet the family.

Yes.

Madame.

My daughters.

Adelaide and Victoire.

Madame.

I'm the Duke de Chartres.

I'm a cousin.

What a pleasure.

Ah, and this is the Princess de Lamballe,

an Italian member of our family by marriage.

If it is possible, you are prettier than your picture.

Thank you.

I agree. Let's have a little lunch.

Ah.

What are you laughing at?

Issues amused by your manners, Madame.

And who wouldn't be?

Such as?

Or perhaps our oily old cousin here

will have to teach us all a lesson in decorum.

I can't wait.

Entertain the dauphin.

What is your favorite sport, Monsieur?

Oh, mad.

You're in demand.

On le plat du jour.

Don't get up.

What time do you call this?

My cabriolet broke down.

What is it with those wheels?

Mine, you must have a collage with the country.

Yes.

Who is she?

Who is she?

The Countess is here to entertain Papa Croix.

I can do that. I can be very entertaining.

Would you like to feed me, Monsieur?

Clumsy idiot.

Speak up.

Shut up.

We can't hear you.

Shut up.

Provence cannot forgive his elder brother for stealing his crown.

Does he wash?

Louis lives in a world of his own.

How am I supposed to share a bed with a boy who smells?

He hunts every morning.

He won't change his routine, not even for you.

But he's a good boy.

Provence is the one with the waspish tongue.

At least he spoke to me.

These two. Me.

They terrify me.

When I first arrived at Versailles, I could not believe my eyes.

Lombeau, I said, are they the king's daughters or are they medieval witches?

Will they curtsy or burn me at the stake?

They don't like me.

They don't like anyone, but they will soon learn to love you.

You are adorable.

Sweet.

They're gonna bite you.

First impressions?

A little large duchess. She's even full of beans, isn't she?

If she were a filly, I'd say she has strong hind legs and a frisky tail.

But she should have fewer oats in her fodder.

Short, skinny, flat chested, flat feet, and she's a ginger.

I wouldn't say she's that bad.

Did you see that vile hapspoke lower lip? So common.

She's too dreadful for words.

Dreadful?

Stop that.

Stop what?

I'm hearing my echo.

Remind me, Dewberry, where were you educated?

Was it a slum in Marseille or on the streets of Paris?

It won't be long before she delivers your son.

I'm not ready to be a father.

We must get to know our little Daphne.

Let's keep her in our sights for once.

I enjoy target practice.

Why didn't we go with them?

French protocol.

You must spend your first night at Versailles with Louis as husband and wife.

I can't imagine what's going to happen tomorrow.

Don't ask.

Will he try? Will he try to kiss me?

Get down on your knees and pray that he doesn't.

Don't I have to kiss him?

You must know. You're married.

I'm your widow.

Goodnight.

Sweet, sleep well.

We have a full agenda tomorrow.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

The Duke de Choiseul, His Majesty's Prime Minister.

Welcome to Versailles, Dauphin.

Choiseul is the architect of the Austro French Alliance.

We prefer to call it the Franco Austrian Alliance.

This is the man who chose you to marry the Dauphin.

Will he speak to me?

I'm certain he will, with your encouragement.

When you arrive at Versailles, everyone will be staring at you to a date.

They won't be looking at your pretty face or your elegant dress.

They will be gazing at the future Queen of France.

Any imperfections will reflect badly on you.

But of more importance, they will reflect badly on me.

Take it very slowly.

I tripped.

So what?

Well, they noticed.

Who cares if they did?

How was the mistress of your household?

She ordered me to curtsy and then she said it again.

Calm down.

She took my pug at the border.

Why?

He was too Austrian.

I will raise the matter through diplomatic channels.

Don't tell mama.

That won't be necessary.

I found a casket of jewels.

They belong to Louis's late mother.

They are yours now.

Who lived here?

The dead Dauphine, Louis's mother.

Is this the dead Dauphine?

Don't speak about her like that.

Her memory is sacred to everybody who served her.

Monsieur!

It's time to get ready, sire.

The late Dauphine left instructions for your daily routine.

You will rise every morning and say your prayers.

You have 15 minutes to complete your ablutions.

Three minutes with your hairbrush will suffice.

Vanity will not be tolerated at Versailles.

Stop!

Seemly enough for you, monsieur.

You will be dressed in public under strict rules of precedence.

No one can touch the Dauphine other than the mistress of her household,

members of the royal family or a princess of the blood.

Any questions?

Did she leave any instructions for my wedding night?

No.

What is required of me?

God will be your guide.

What has God got to do with it?

She seems a little underdeveloped to me.

I was fully formed at her age.

You think she's ready?

I can prepare her.

My boy would like that.

Has your boy discovered his prick?

He could start by putting his hand down his trousers.

That would be a step in the right direction.

Touchy.

You cause my grandson and you cause me.

When you give birth to the Bourbon heir, you will guarantee peace for our ancient empires.

The fate of millions of people rests on your slim shoulders, Tuanet.

Tuanet.

Tuanet.

Tuanet.

Oopsie.

Will you have this man to be your husband?

Will you have this man to be your...

I will.

You may kiss the bride.

Put him in bed with the Empress's daughter.

I have to persuade the box.

He's gonnarobot in the morning.

He's gonna reach the Austrian border.

May it help me rise, may it help me rise as I lie in the morning.

May I offer you a seat, Countess?

The only thing that's missing is her wimple.

This is Vertailles, Countess, not a brothel.

Sit down.

Keep watch over her and report back to me.

Until she produces an heir, we are not home and dry.

Little angel.

Right. That's better.

What should I do with these, sir?

Wear them.

These are girls clothes.

How else are you going to enter her bedchamber, I noticed?

Your name is Julie now.

Tread carefully.

French knives have been sharpened all over the palace.

Yes, sir.

Have you prepped her for tonight?

We assumed the Empress would do that.

Did your mother explain the mechanics?

Marcos, where are you going?

I'm going to the palace.

You're going to the palace?

Yes, I'm going to the palace.

You're going to the palace?

Yes, I'm going to the palace.

You're going to the palace?

Yes. Marcos, where? Who does what?

How may you, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

I can teach you the art of seduction.

Teach me.

Please, I must do my duty.

Another time, I promise.

I promise.

It's your big night, isn't it?

Enjoy.

Monsieur?

Monsieur?

Imbecile!

I feel...

Nothing.

Good morning!

Good morning!

Good morning!

You have failed to perform your duty.

The empress will be informed.

We are in France, Duffy. Our rules are etiquette.

Your duty is to give them an air and bring stability to our people.

Don't let me down, Princess.

In Versailles, no one is what they seem.

Every sleep, every imperfection will be used against you.

The fate of millions of people rests on your slim shoulders.

Just do your duties, Princess.

You won't let me down.

What have you done to me, Mama?