Man vs. Bee (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Chapter 1 - full transcript
Doting Dad Trevor arrives at a couple's lavish home to house-sit while they're away.
[female judge] The defendant will stand.
Trevor Bingley, on all
14 counts of dangerous driving…
-[car horn blares]
-[sports car engine roars]
The destruction of priceless artwork…
-[grunts]
-[bangs]
Criminal damage…
[grinding]
and arson…
-[screaming]
-[flames roar]
You have been found guilty.
-[woman gasps]
-[man] Yes!
-[soft murmuring]
-[slow sad music playing]
[judge] Do you have anything to say
before you're taken down?
[sincerely] I'm just really, really sorry.
-You see… there was this bee
-[inviting music begins]
[buzzing]
[exciting theme music playing]
[female voice] Darling, the car's going
to be here any second.
Darling, did you hear me?
I can't find my espadrilles. The ones
we got in Aruba with the little, uh,
the scuba divers on the fronts.
Forget the espadrilles, where's Orlando?
Orlando isn't coming.
They're sending someone else.
[bell rings]
What?
[buzzing]
[Trevor] Shoo.
-[beep]
-Hello?
[Trevor] Shoo.
Good. Go away.
Hello?
Oh, hello.
[upbeat] I'm Trevor. From, uh,
from Housesitters Deluxe.
I'm house-sitting for you this week.
-Oh.
-[buzzing]
-Okay…
-[beep]
[soft electronic gate buzz]
-[gravel crunching]
-[epic adventure music swells]
Gosh.
[soft chuckle]
Good morning, Mrs… Kolstad-Burgenbottom.
Bergenbatten. Kolstad-Bergenbatten.
Kolstad-Bergenbatten, sorry.
Thank you.
On behalf of… er, House-sitters Deluxe,
may I apologize for the last-minute change
-in personnel and assure you that
-[phone rings]
all our staff are trained
to the same BSI404 house-sitting…
[Nina] Christian, the car's here!
[Trevor forlorn] …industry standards.
-[buzzing]
-[luggage banging down stairs]
[sighs] I found them,
in a drawer with the flip-flops.
-Is this him?
-Good morning, Sir. Pleased to meet you--
Yeah, do you mind if we get on with this?
We're in a bit of a rush
and I need to be quick.
Okay.
Everything you need to
know is written in this manual.
-Manual. Right. Good.
-[tentative music]
[Nina] It's all very straightforward.
Special edition Miele,
infra red beam to open.
[drawer clicks]
Taps are gesture operated.
Left for on. Up for hot. Down for cold.
[dog barks]
Right for off.
Oh, that's Cupcake. She's very friendly.
-[Trevor] Oh gracious.
-[licking]
[nervously] Yes,
you are friendly, aren't you?
[Nina] Sliding doors.
Keys are in this drawer.
-[Trevor patiently] Okay.
-And all the blinds are remote controlled.
Oh, right, I'll… sorry, just a moment,
[Nina] And here--
-[phone rings]
-[Trevor whispers] Down!
-[Nina] Yes, hello?
-[Christian] Er…
You'll find all the remotes here.
You need me to explain them?
[hesitantly] Um…
Uh, no, that's fine.
-[Nina] Okay, bye.
-The dog has a severe nut allergy.
[firmly] She mustn't eat anything
that isn't her prescription dog food.
Or there is, uh,
doggie doo-doo everywhere.
[Nina] We keep the dog food in here.
-[Cupcake barks]
-Oh.
[door clicks]
-So please keep the door closed.
-Door closed. Right.
And the chip in her collar
operates the dog flap in there.
Ah yes.
Because if she can't get out…
There's doggie doo-doo everywhere.
It's a recurring theme, yeah. Hey!
-[Cupcake barks]
-Who doo-doos everywhere, eh?
Cupcake, come say bye to Mummy! Yeah?
Good girl, good girl. Christian, bags!
-Yeah, going now.
-[metallic clanging]
-Woah! Careful!.
-Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I paid £80,000 for that.
It turned out to be a Kandinsky.
It's worth a lot of money.
But not as much as this.
[magical music playing]
-[Trevor] Golly.
-[Christian chuckles]
You know what it is?
It's… an E-type Jaguar, isn't it?
The first E-type Jaguar ever made.
-Huh! Amazing.
-What do you think she's worth?
Oh, must be… thousands.
Two million pounds.
O… kay.
-Hello?
-Yeah, okay.
All the locks and the alarm
are operated by two simple codes.
I used the names of
famous naval battles to make it easy.
Uh, so to open, uh,
it's the Battle of Frisverhelwilen.
-[soft muttering]
-[alarm beeps]
1748.
-Yup. So, okay, there we go.
-Okay.
[door opens]
Okay.
And to arm the system, even easier,
uh, it's the Battle of Bulhornbører.
-[soft muttering]
-[Nina] 1513.
Oh… right, yes.
I think perhaps I should uh--
Oh no, don't worry.
It's all in the manual.
Oh, the manual. Yes, of course.
Yeah, if the panel locks down
for any reason,
Nina did have them add a voice override.
Yes, but that only works with my voice,
[impatiently] and he won't need it
anyway because it's all in the manual.
Right, yes. Okay.
The library is strictly
out of bounds to the dog.
There's an illuminated manuscript
in there that's worth millions.
[Trevor] Okay.
It's a no-go zone for
Cupcake, as is our bedroom upstairs.
Uh, you are in the maid's room,
far side down the corridor.
-Okay.
-Uh… any questions?
-Uhm--
-Good.
[luggage clattering]
You have done this
work before, haven't you?
Uh, no, actually. I'm new to the company.
[laughs]
You've never done house-sitting before?
No… not as such.
But please don't worry,
I have a house too.
Well, I used to have a house.
So all this is very familiar territory.
[Nina] Hm.
Oh here, let me… I'll get that for you.
[thud and toys sqeaking]
-Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Let me…
-[car honks]
-[Christian] Honey, we have to go!
-[Trevor] Oh dear, I'll just…
[Nina] Orlando used to call us every day.
-If you wouldn't mind doing the same.
-Absolutely. My pleasure.
[toy squeaks]
-Have a good holiday, Mrs.…
-Kolstad-Bergenbatten.
That's it. Bye!
[uneasy music playing]
Have a good time!
[door closes and music stops]
[sighs]
-[buzzing]
-[hopeful music begins]
[door rattles]
-[ball squeaks]
-[epic music crescendos]
-[clanging]
-[nervous yelp]
-[sighs in relief]
-[lawnmower outside]
[clinks]
-[Trevor sighs]
-[soft celebratory chime]
[rubbing]
[female voice] Please leave your message
after the tone.
-[beep]
-[buzzing]
Hello, sweet pea, it's Dad here.
I've got the most amazing news.
I managed to get a job.
[buzz]
Took me a little longer
than I was hoping, to be honest.
But you know what this means…
It means that we can
still go on holiday together.
Which is so great.
Just not tomorrow.
Shoo. Shoo.
[clattering]
[tense music crescendos]
Darling, I'll call you back.
Oh, my goodness.
-Oh, no!
-[lawnmower drawing closer]
[soft gasp]
[buzzing]
Glue.
Glue, glue, glue,
glue, glue, glue, glue, glue.
-[soft muttering]
-[tense music builds]
Manual.
The manual.
Come on.
-[door clicks]
-Ha!
[quaint music playing]
[lawnmower droning]
[buzzing]
[sighs]
-[soft whine]
-Good dog.
-[door closes]
-[soft muttering]
[excitedly] Oh.
-Aha!
-[hopeful music plays]
[squelching]
-[cat mews]
-[Cupcake barks]
[buzzing]
[wings fluttering more slowly]
There.
[squelching]
[soft gasp]
[blows]
-Oh!
-[door opens]
-Right.
-[clicking]
-[hairdryer blows powerfully]
-[statue head thuds on floor]
[Cupcake vocalizes excitedly]
Oh, no.
-[anxious music playing]
-Cupcake?
Hello?
[falsely cheery] Cupcake?
Ha!
[Cupcake panting, whining]
-[growls]
-Come on.
Give it to me.
[desperately] Give it to me. Come on.
Drop it.
[angrily] Drop it.
[plaintively] Please…
[surprised] Oh!
Ah… thank you!
[hairdryer blows hard, then soft]
[triumphant musical chord]
[eerie music starts]
Stay.
[soft whining]
[beep]
Hi Maddy, it's Dad again. Do give
me a call when you can. Okay, thanks, bye.
[sighs]
-[cupboard door clicks]
-[gasps]
[excited] Ooh!
Er… right!
[drawer clicks]
[soup spatters]
[gas ignition clicking]
[foreboding music playing]
[buzzing]
Buzz off.
[dramatic music tone]
Good.
-[muffled buzzing]
-Hm.
[soft scratching]
[soft quirky music playing]
Hmm.
[tense music builds]
[plastic cup clacks on counter]
[quizzically] Hey…
Huh!
[thud]
-[curious music playing]
-[footsteps and muttering]
[metal scraping]
[flames whoosh]
[buzzing]
[Cupcake whines and grunts]
[dramatic music crescendos]
-[door lock thuds]
-[Cupcake barking]
How… how did…?
Code.
Code… is in the manual.
[doom laden music playing]
[distressed muttering]
-[flames crackling]
-[groans] Oh!
-[hisses]
-Aha!
[exhausted] Oh, my goodness. [sighs]
-Oh, my goodness.
-[Cupcake barks]
-[frantic music playing]
-[Trevor] Oh no!
[desperately] The codes. The codes.
The codes.
-[disaster music crashes]
-[Trevor whimpers]
[hyesterical] The codes.
It's all in the manual!
[Cupcake barking]
[whimpers, screams]
-[barking]
-[buzzing]
-[clattering]
-[splashing]
-[buzzing]
-[dramatic music plays]
-[dramatic music builds]
-[bee drones like WWII bomber]
[music stops]
[closing theme music playing]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Trevor Bingley, on all
14 counts of dangerous driving…
-[car horn blares]
-[sports car engine roars]
The destruction of priceless artwork…
-[grunts]
-[bangs]
Criminal damage…
[grinding]
and arson…
-[screaming]
-[flames roar]
You have been found guilty.
-[woman gasps]
-[man] Yes!
-[soft murmuring]
-[slow sad music playing]
[judge] Do you have anything to say
before you're taken down?
[sincerely] I'm just really, really sorry.
-You see… there was this bee
-[inviting music begins]
[buzzing]
[exciting theme music playing]
[female voice] Darling, the car's going
to be here any second.
Darling, did you hear me?
I can't find my espadrilles. The ones
we got in Aruba with the little, uh,
the scuba divers on the fronts.
Forget the espadrilles, where's Orlando?
Orlando isn't coming.
They're sending someone else.
[bell rings]
What?
[buzzing]
[Trevor] Shoo.
-[beep]
-Hello?
[Trevor] Shoo.
Good. Go away.
Hello?
Oh, hello.
[upbeat] I'm Trevor. From, uh,
from Housesitters Deluxe.
I'm house-sitting for you this week.
-Oh.
-[buzzing]
-Okay…
-[beep]
[soft electronic gate buzz]
-[gravel crunching]
-[epic adventure music swells]
Gosh.
[soft chuckle]
Good morning, Mrs… Kolstad-Burgenbottom.
Bergenbatten. Kolstad-Bergenbatten.
Kolstad-Bergenbatten, sorry.
Thank you.
On behalf of… er, House-sitters Deluxe,
may I apologize for the last-minute change
-in personnel and assure you that
-[phone rings]
all our staff are trained
to the same BSI404 house-sitting…
[Nina] Christian, the car's here!
[Trevor forlorn] …industry standards.
-[buzzing]
-[luggage banging down stairs]
[sighs] I found them,
in a drawer with the flip-flops.
-Is this him?
-Good morning, Sir. Pleased to meet you--
Yeah, do you mind if we get on with this?
We're in a bit of a rush
and I need to be quick.
Okay.
Everything you need to
know is written in this manual.
-Manual. Right. Good.
-[tentative music]
[Nina] It's all very straightforward.
Special edition Miele,
infra red beam to open.
[drawer clicks]
Taps are gesture operated.
Left for on. Up for hot. Down for cold.
[dog barks]
Right for off.
Oh, that's Cupcake. She's very friendly.
-[Trevor] Oh gracious.
-[licking]
[nervously] Yes,
you are friendly, aren't you?
[Nina] Sliding doors.
Keys are in this drawer.
-[Trevor patiently] Okay.
-And all the blinds are remote controlled.
Oh, right, I'll… sorry, just a moment,
[Nina] And here--
-[phone rings]
-[Trevor whispers] Down!
-[Nina] Yes, hello?
-[Christian] Er…
You'll find all the remotes here.
You need me to explain them?
[hesitantly] Um…
Uh, no, that's fine.
-[Nina] Okay, bye.
-The dog has a severe nut allergy.
[firmly] She mustn't eat anything
that isn't her prescription dog food.
Or there is, uh,
doggie doo-doo everywhere.
[Nina] We keep the dog food in here.
-[Cupcake barks]
-Oh.
[door clicks]
-So please keep the door closed.
-Door closed. Right.
And the chip in her collar
operates the dog flap in there.
Ah yes.
Because if she can't get out…
There's doggie doo-doo everywhere.
It's a recurring theme, yeah. Hey!
-[Cupcake barks]
-Who doo-doos everywhere, eh?
Cupcake, come say bye to Mummy! Yeah?
Good girl, good girl. Christian, bags!
-Yeah, going now.
-[metallic clanging]
-Woah! Careful!.
-Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I paid £80,000 for that.
It turned out to be a Kandinsky.
It's worth a lot of money.
But not as much as this.
[magical music playing]
-[Trevor] Golly.
-[Christian chuckles]
You know what it is?
It's… an E-type Jaguar, isn't it?
The first E-type Jaguar ever made.
-Huh! Amazing.
-What do you think she's worth?
Oh, must be… thousands.
Two million pounds.
O… kay.
-Hello?
-Yeah, okay.
All the locks and the alarm
are operated by two simple codes.
I used the names of
famous naval battles to make it easy.
Uh, so to open, uh,
it's the Battle of Frisverhelwilen.
-[soft muttering]
-[alarm beeps]
1748.
-Yup. So, okay, there we go.
-Okay.
[door opens]
Okay.
And to arm the system, even easier,
uh, it's the Battle of Bulhornbører.
-[soft muttering]
-[Nina] 1513.
Oh… right, yes.
I think perhaps I should uh--
Oh no, don't worry.
It's all in the manual.
Oh, the manual. Yes, of course.
Yeah, if the panel locks down
for any reason,
Nina did have them add a voice override.
Yes, but that only works with my voice,
[impatiently] and he won't need it
anyway because it's all in the manual.
Right, yes. Okay.
The library is strictly
out of bounds to the dog.
There's an illuminated manuscript
in there that's worth millions.
[Trevor] Okay.
It's a no-go zone for
Cupcake, as is our bedroom upstairs.
Uh, you are in the maid's room,
far side down the corridor.
-Okay.
-Uh… any questions?
-Uhm--
-Good.
[luggage clattering]
You have done this
work before, haven't you?
Uh, no, actually. I'm new to the company.
[laughs]
You've never done house-sitting before?
No… not as such.
But please don't worry,
I have a house too.
Well, I used to have a house.
So all this is very familiar territory.
[Nina] Hm.
Oh here, let me… I'll get that for you.
[thud and toys sqeaking]
-Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Let me…
-[car honks]
-[Christian] Honey, we have to go!
-[Trevor] Oh dear, I'll just…
[Nina] Orlando used to call us every day.
-If you wouldn't mind doing the same.
-Absolutely. My pleasure.
[toy squeaks]
-Have a good holiday, Mrs.…
-Kolstad-Bergenbatten.
That's it. Bye!
[uneasy music playing]
Have a good time!
[door closes and music stops]
[sighs]
-[buzzing]
-[hopeful music begins]
[door rattles]
-[ball squeaks]
-[epic music crescendos]
-[clanging]
-[nervous yelp]
-[sighs in relief]
-[lawnmower outside]
[clinks]
-[Trevor sighs]
-[soft celebratory chime]
[rubbing]
[female voice] Please leave your message
after the tone.
-[beep]
-[buzzing]
Hello, sweet pea, it's Dad here.
I've got the most amazing news.
I managed to get a job.
[buzz]
Took me a little longer
than I was hoping, to be honest.
But you know what this means…
It means that we can
still go on holiday together.
Which is so great.
Just not tomorrow.
Shoo. Shoo.
[clattering]
[tense music crescendos]
Darling, I'll call you back.
Oh, my goodness.
-Oh, no!
-[lawnmower drawing closer]
[soft gasp]
[buzzing]
Glue.
Glue, glue, glue,
glue, glue, glue, glue, glue.
-[soft muttering]
-[tense music builds]
Manual.
The manual.
Come on.
-[door clicks]
-Ha!
[quaint music playing]
[lawnmower droning]
[buzzing]
[sighs]
-[soft whine]
-Good dog.
-[door closes]
-[soft muttering]
[excitedly] Oh.
-Aha!
-[hopeful music plays]
[squelching]
-[cat mews]
-[Cupcake barks]
[buzzing]
[wings fluttering more slowly]
There.
[squelching]
[soft gasp]
[blows]
-Oh!
-[door opens]
-Right.
-[clicking]
-[hairdryer blows powerfully]
-[statue head thuds on floor]
[Cupcake vocalizes excitedly]
Oh, no.
-[anxious music playing]
-Cupcake?
Hello?
[falsely cheery] Cupcake?
Ha!
[Cupcake panting, whining]
-[growls]
-Come on.
Give it to me.
[desperately] Give it to me. Come on.
Drop it.
[angrily] Drop it.
[plaintively] Please…
[surprised] Oh!
Ah… thank you!
[hairdryer blows hard, then soft]
[triumphant musical chord]
[eerie music starts]
Stay.
[soft whining]
[beep]
Hi Maddy, it's Dad again. Do give
me a call when you can. Okay, thanks, bye.
[sighs]
-[cupboard door clicks]
-[gasps]
[excited] Ooh!
Er… right!
[drawer clicks]
[soup spatters]
[gas ignition clicking]
[foreboding music playing]
[buzzing]
Buzz off.
[dramatic music tone]
Good.
-[muffled buzzing]
-Hm.
[soft scratching]
[soft quirky music playing]
Hmm.
[tense music builds]
[plastic cup clacks on counter]
[quizzically] Hey…
Huh!
[thud]
-[curious music playing]
-[footsteps and muttering]
[metal scraping]
[flames whoosh]
[buzzing]
[Cupcake whines and grunts]
[dramatic music crescendos]
-[door lock thuds]
-[Cupcake barking]
How… how did…?
Code.
Code… is in the manual.
[doom laden music playing]
[distressed muttering]
-[flames crackling]
-[groans] Oh!
-[hisses]
-Aha!
[exhausted] Oh, my goodness. [sighs]
-Oh, my goodness.
-[Cupcake barks]
-[frantic music playing]
-[Trevor] Oh no!
[desperately] The codes. The codes.
The codes.
-[disaster music crashes]
-[Trevor whimpers]
[hyesterical] The codes.
It's all in the manual!
[Cupcake barking]
[whimpers, screams]
-[barking]
-[buzzing]
-[clattering]
-[splashing]
-[buzzing]
-[dramatic music plays]
-[dramatic music builds]
-[bee drones like WWII bomber]
[music stops]
[closing theme music playing]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.