Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 5, Episode 7 - My Mama, Myself - full transcript
Mama considers selling a brooch that belonged to her late mother, but has second thoughts when the old woman's spirit begins to haunt her in protest.
Will you two lovebirds please
go nest someplace else?
Just look at it as
a small request
from an old woman tryin'
to keep her lunch down.
Ms. Harper, we are
husband and wife.
This is just our way of
renewing our wedding vows.
Yeah, what were they, to
love, honor, and be disgustin'?
Knock it off, you two!
You're supposed to
be gettin' stuff together
for the church rummage sale.
We already did. It's
right there on the table.
This is it?
A used compact and
a plastic shoehorn.
Well, I don't know why I
expect Christian charity
from a couple of
heathens like you.
- Knock, knock!
- Come on in, Iola.
I came to get your donations
for the rummage sale.
You think one box
will be enough?
That ought to cover it.
This is it?
Well, that's just the donation
from the Rockefellers.
I'm still goin' through
my jewelry box.
My, what a haul.
I must say, Thelma, I
expected better from you.
You know, Roselle
Huflander's donatin' a fur jacket.
That's only 'cause she's
gained so much weight
she can't get
her fat arms in it.
Well, at least when she
gains, the church does, too.
Oh, don't get your
panties bunched.
I'm sure I can find
somethin' in here.
Ew-who-who!
Mama, are you alright?
Yeah, I just felt a
little chill. That's all.
Look, it's a picture of
my dear, departed mother.
- Oh, let's see.
- She looks so grim.
How come she never
smiled for the camera?
That is her smile.
You should've seen
her when she got mad.
Nonsense! Mother had
a wonderful disposition.
She just didn't take a
very good picture, that's all.
Hmm. I don't know, mama.
Grandma Crowley was
sure mean to us kids.
Boy, she'd rap our knuckles
if we so much as made
a peep around here.
Well, that's because she
thought children should be seen
and not heard, and so do I.
Ow!
You know, Thelma, if you
got rid of this depressin' picture
I'll bet the frame would
bring a pretty penny.
Turn that loose, you
skinny scavenger.
I'm not givin' you
my mother's picture
or anything else.
Well, fine!
It'll be a cold day
in... you-know-where
before I ask this stingy
family for another donation.
Hey, everybody. Hi, Ms. Boylen.
You got anything for
the rummage sale?
- Nope.
- It figures.
Say, grandma, I
got some great news.
My geology class is
takin' a five-day field trip
and it's only gonna cost $200.
Only? Where you goin', Club Med?
No. We're gonna be
exploring Oswald Caverns.
Oswald Caverns?
Isn't that where them
three teenagers went in
and never come out?
Oh, mama, that was years ago.
And they had just robbed a bank.
Well, Bubba, those
caverns are too far away
and they're too dangerous.
They got bats in there
bite you on the neck,
turn you into the livin' dead.
Mama, don't be silly.
The grizzly bears
would get Bubba
long before the bats ever could.
Bubba, you might die in
there, and we'd never know.
Oh, come on, you guys act like
those caves are out in
the middle of nowhere.
Bubba's right, Ms. Harper.
The state mental
institution is right nearby.
And it's not far from the
maximum-security prison.
Will you two stop helpin' me?
Well, y'all can just talk
till you're blue in the face.
My mind is made
up. You're not goin'.
Oh, yeah? Well,
you can't stop me!
Two hundred bucks can, mister
and you're not
gettin' it from me.
Well, then, I'll earn the
money myself. Who needs you?
And thanks for nothin'.
Good Lord! What did I
do to deserve such a brat?
Oh, don't take it
personal, mama.
It's just that rebellious
stage that all guys go through.
You know, cuttin'
the apron strings
testin' his independence.
When is that gonna
happen to you?
Well, would you look at this?
Give me that!
This is my mother's good
diamond and ruby brooch.
She gave this to
me on her deathbed
because I was her favorite.
I thought it was because
Aunt Fran didn't want it.
Because I was her favorite!
Well, how come you
never wear it then?
You don’t wear family heirlooms.
You just keep them to honor
the memory of your loved ones.
Besides, this
thing's ugly as sin.
Well, maybe so, but
I bet it's worth plenty.
Mel Rupe's jewelry
store had a whole display
of this kind of antique junk
and the cheapest
brooch there cost $1,000.
Are you kiddin'?
Mama, we could be rich!
Vinton, put your tongue
back in your mouth.
I'm not sellin' it!
Mama, Grandma Crowley's dead
and gone now. She'd never know.
Vinton, when you
get to be my age
you learn to respect the dead.
You don't wanna tick off
anyone you might be seein' soon.
Well, how 'bout we
take it over to Mel Rupe's
and just get an appraisal?
That wouldn't hurt anything.
- Well, I don't know.
- Oh, a thousand dollars, mama.
A thousand dollars!
Well... maybe I should
have it appraised
just... just for
insurance purposes.
Oh, thanks, mama.
Come on, Skeeter.
Oh, Vinton, You take good
care of that brooch, now.
Oh, of course, I will. This
baby is our meal ticket.
Ooh, honey, you are so sexy
when you're comin' into money.
Well, mother, maybe I
was your favorite after all.
I could make a grand
off that ugly brooch.
Lord, what'd I do to
deserve such a brat?
Mother?
You sell my brooch
and I'll haunt you
the rest of your life.
Ew-who-who!
You hardly touched that soap.
You get back in here and
scrub them hands good.
Yes, ma'am. Right away.
Knock, knock!
Thelma? Is that you?
Good Lord!
Oh, Iola, don't you
ever do that to me.
What is it? What's the matter?
Iola... do you
believe in spirits?
Yes, but in moderation
and never before driving.
Iola... my mother
is in this house.
She's come back from the dead.
Thelma, have you been drinkin'?
No! I would never drink
in front of my mother.
Oh, you poor thing, I've
never seen you like this.
You're tremblin'.
I'm tellin' you, mother is here.
She's come back to haunt me.
Oh, now, why would
she do a thing like that?
Because I was thinkin'
about sellin' her brooch.
It is amazin' how
touchy the dead can be.
Now, you just calm..
Calm down, Thelma.
There's no ghost in here.
Now, you sit right down there.
I'll tell you all about
Roselle Huflander's
new bedroom set.
Iola, I don't care about
where some blimp docks.
Iola... I need a ghostbuster.
Thelma, I wish you
would stop talkin' like this.
You're givin' me the willies.
I'm tellin' you, I swear to
you on a stack of Bibles
that old lady was
right here in this room.
Well, I'm sure there's a logical
explanation for what you saw.
She was sittin' right there on
that chair where you are now.
Iola!
You get back here!
Iola, don't you
leave me here alone!
Iola!
Shut the door, Thelma.
You'll let in every fly
in the neighborhood.
Thank the Lord,
the coast is clear.
Maybe I can finish my dinner.
I warned you
when you quit ballet
them hips were gonna spread.
Mother, please, I
almost dropped my roast!
Yeah? Go drop it in the
garbage. It's burnt to a crisp.
My family likes it well done.
Mmm.
Mama, is that my
favorite burnt pot roast?
There, you see?
We don't have to see it,
Ms. Harper. We can smell it.
Um... mam..
Mama?
Mama, w-we got good
news about the brooch.
Shh! Don't say the B
word. She might come back.
Who?
It's none of your
business. Just fork it over.
- Uh, we can't. Mr. Rupe has it.
- What?
Yeah, he wanted to
get an expert opinion
so it he took it over to the
diamond mart in Hinckley.
- Hinckley?
- Yeah.
Mel thinks it might
bring in over $1600.
Well, I don't care if it
brings in $16 million.
I'm not sellin' it!
But, Ms. Harper, you told us...
I don't care what I told you!
Y'all get back over to
Hinckley right this minute
and bring back my
dear mother's brooch.
Well... criminently, mama,
we can't drive all that way
without havin' dinner first.
Fine, Vinton, here.
Go put this on the table
and call Bubba. Hurry
up. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
You start eatin'.
I'll get the peas.
We'll have you
outta here in no time.
You be sure you add
enough salt to them peas.
Uh, I already put
in the salt, mother.
How much did you put in?
I don't know. Enough.
If you don't know
how much you put
how do you know it's enough?
There!
Is that enough?
Depends on how
much you put before.
These peas are fine!
Well, that's nice, grandma.
Are you gonna share
'em with the rest of us?
Here you go. Hurry. Eat up.
Let's get this show on the road.
For heaven's sake, Ms.
Harper, what is the rush?
Just cut the chatter and chew.
Well, don't they just
look like pigs at a trough?
Are you still here?
We're eatin' as fast as we can.
Well... slow down!
You look like pigs at a trough.
Ms. Harper, what on
earth has gotten into you?
Do you all notice anything
unusual here tonight?
Yeah, you forgot to make gravy.
Oh, just shut up and eat!
Don't you heathens say grace?
Uh... Bubba, thank the
Lord, like we always do.
- In the middle of the meal?
- Just do it!
Well..
Thank you for the eats.
- Amen.
- Amen.
There. You satisfied?
Uh, not quite. How 'bout
some more potatoes?
Oh, uh, sure thing, baby.
Uh, would you like some
peas to go along with that?
No, thanks.
I told you they
needed more salt.
Uh, Bubba, you
will have some more
of my delicious peas, won't you?
I don't have time,
grandma. I gotta get to work.
I got myself a job to pay for
my trip to Oswald Caverns.
Oswald Caverns?
Isn't that where them teenagers
went in and never come out?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
know all about that.
Gee, how'd you know?
Did Aunt Naomi tell you?
Tell me what?
That I got Bubba a job
unloading trucks at Food Circus.
I don't want you
unloadin' trucks.
No. He'll lose a finger.
Remember Uncle Roy?
You'll wind up just
like your Uncle Roy.
Who's Uncle Roy?
You never told him
about Uncle Roy?
I got more on my
mind than Uncle Roy!
Then why did you bring him up?
Are you gonna let him
talk back to you like that?
Don't you talk
back to me like that.
Look, grandma, I don't
have time to argue with you.
I gotta get to work.
I'm finished, too.
All this tension.. I
can't eat another bite.
Me neither.
Come on, Skeeter.
Let's get on to Hinckley.
We can stop at the Dairy
Dream on our way back.
Ooh, that's a good idea.
This is the worst
meal I ever ate.
Did you see how
they run out on you?
If you'd have put more
salt in peas like I told you
they'd still be here
eatin' seconds.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock again.
Anybody home?
Who wants to know?
It's your best friend,
Iola Lucille Boylen.
You got any ID?
Unlatch the door this instant.
Oh. It's you, alright.
Who else's face would
fit in the crack of a door?
Well, my word.
What's with all the garlic?
You makin' spaghetti
sauce at this hour?
No, it's for protection.
You got no idea what it's like
to be the only person in
this house and not be alone.
And, let me tell you somethin'
mother is no Casper,
the friendly ghost.
Now, what exactly does she do?
Well, she's at me all day long
carpin' and criticizin',
just like when I was a kid.
I wouldn't be surprised if
my face starts to break out.
But, Thelma, you always told me
that you got along so
well with your mother.
I never said we got along.
I said we never argued.
She dished it
out, and I took it.
A-ha! Just as I thought.
I have the answer
to your problems.
A mail-order exorcist?
Thelma, there is no
ghost in this house.
It's all in your mind.
Now, accordin' to this
article in Modern Psychology
what you're seein'
is a manifestation
of your subconscious.
Thelma, your mother
will continue to haunt you
till you get rid of
her once and for all.
Well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
I can't get my livin'
relatives out of this house
much less any dead ones.
You use this technique.
It's called "Taking Care
of Unfinished Business."
"Even if your parents are
gone, you can still confront them
with the painful
feelings from your past."
Oh, I don't, I-I've never talked
back to my mother in my life.
Well, maybe it's
time you started.
Bubba, what are you
doin' home so early?
I thought you were at work.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Oh, perhaps I should
go. This is a family matter.
Obviously, the boy needs to
feel free to talk about bein' fired
without the neighbors knowin'.
Well, thank you so much and
goodbye, Dr. Joyce Boylen.
Oh, grandma, it was awful.
I screwed everything up.
I couldn't tell the
squash from the zucchini
and I forgot to put
the fresh fish on ice.
And then I dropped this
great, big case of baked beans.
Well, anybody can drop a box.
On their supervisor's foot?
I was fired, grandma. Fired.
You were right. I
can't do anything.
I'm just a miserable failure.
Oh, Bubba, that's not true!
Hey, look on the
bright side, sweetie.
At least you
didn't lose a finger.
Well, that poor kid.
What are you whinin' about?
Now he can't go on that trip.
Be happy. You got your way.
Yeah. Why do I feel
like such a loser?
You always were a loser.
Remember that time you
just had to take baton lessons?
I was good at baton.
You stunk to high heaven.
It's a miracle you
didn't put your eye out.
Nothin' I ever did was good
enough for you, was it, mother?
Not the way I
dressed, not my friends.
You always had to criticize me.
That's because you
never did anything right.
You remember the
time I broke my arm?
You and daddy rushed
me to the hospital.
You never even
asked me if it hurt.
All you cared about was if I
was wearin' clean underwear.
What is your point?
My point is, all of my life
I let you tell me what
to do and what not to do.
Do you realize
that because of you
I've never even
worn a pair of slacks?
Nobody wants to look
at that caboose in pants.
You've made me
afraid to try anything.
I was 63 when I
learned to drive.
Don't tell me you're drivin'.
Thanks to you, mother
I've always been
ashamed to show affection.
I never let Carl anywhere near
me unless the lights were out.
Well, if you're gonna
talk dirty, I'm leavin'.
Oh, no, you're not!
Hey, I ain't through
with you yet, old lady!
Come back here! I mean it!
Where the hell did you go?!
To Hinckley, like you told us.
Here's your brooch.
Turns out that those
diamonds and rubies
were just garnets and glass.
You mean it's a fake?
Well, I should've known.
Yeah, the jeweler said
he'd give us $275 for it
'cause it's an antique.
But he figures it's worth
a lot more than that to you
on account of the
sentimental value.
Bubba Higgins, you get
down here this instant!
There's no sense in
hangin' on to the past
when it can do you
some good now.
What is it, grandma?
Pack your bags, Bubba.
You're goin' to Oswald Caverns.
But I thought you said
it was too dangerous.
Well, that wasn't me talkin'.
That was somebody else.
Here you go, sweetie.
This'll keep the bats away.
You really mean
it? I-I-I can go?
You bet. That's
what life is all about
tryin' new things.
Have you lost your mind?
You can't let him
go to them caves.
You keep outta this!
I didn't say anything!
Say, grandma, where
am I gonna get the $200?
From me. I am sellin'
mother's brooch.
Thanks, grandma.
You sell that brooch and I
will never speak to you again.
Hot damn!
Vinton, Naomi, take
this thing back tonight.
I'm warnin' you, I
will never forgive you.
Get the hell outta my life!!
Mama, can't we even
get a cup of coffee first?
Hey, I tell you
what, Vinton, Naomi
let's all make a night
of it. We'll go together.
The Dairy Dream is on me.
Hey, fork over those
keys. I feel like drivin'.
Ms. Harper, you know,
after you pay for Bubba's trip
there's still gonna
be $75 left over.
Yeah, mama, what
are we gonna do with it?
We are gonna buy me
my first pair of designer jeans.
go nest someplace else?
Just look at it as
a small request
from an old woman tryin'
to keep her lunch down.
Ms. Harper, we are
husband and wife.
This is just our way of
renewing our wedding vows.
Yeah, what were they, to
love, honor, and be disgustin'?
Knock it off, you two!
You're supposed to
be gettin' stuff together
for the church rummage sale.
We already did. It's
right there on the table.
This is it?
A used compact and
a plastic shoehorn.
Well, I don't know why I
expect Christian charity
from a couple of
heathens like you.
- Knock, knock!
- Come on in, Iola.
I came to get your donations
for the rummage sale.
You think one box
will be enough?
That ought to cover it.
This is it?
Well, that's just the donation
from the Rockefellers.
I'm still goin' through
my jewelry box.
My, what a haul.
I must say, Thelma, I
expected better from you.
You know, Roselle
Huflander's donatin' a fur jacket.
That's only 'cause she's
gained so much weight
she can't get
her fat arms in it.
Well, at least when she
gains, the church does, too.
Oh, don't get your
panties bunched.
I'm sure I can find
somethin' in here.
Ew-who-who!
Mama, are you alright?
Yeah, I just felt a
little chill. That's all.
Look, it's a picture of
my dear, departed mother.
- Oh, let's see.
- She looks so grim.
How come she never
smiled for the camera?
That is her smile.
You should've seen
her when she got mad.
Nonsense! Mother had
a wonderful disposition.
She just didn't take a
very good picture, that's all.
Hmm. I don't know, mama.
Grandma Crowley was
sure mean to us kids.
Boy, she'd rap our knuckles
if we so much as made
a peep around here.
Well, that's because she
thought children should be seen
and not heard, and so do I.
Ow!
You know, Thelma, if you
got rid of this depressin' picture
I'll bet the frame would
bring a pretty penny.
Turn that loose, you
skinny scavenger.
I'm not givin' you
my mother's picture
or anything else.
Well, fine!
It'll be a cold day
in... you-know-where
before I ask this stingy
family for another donation.
Hey, everybody. Hi, Ms. Boylen.
You got anything for
the rummage sale?
- Nope.
- It figures.
Say, grandma, I
got some great news.
My geology class is
takin' a five-day field trip
and it's only gonna cost $200.
Only? Where you goin', Club Med?
No. We're gonna be
exploring Oswald Caverns.
Oswald Caverns?
Isn't that where them
three teenagers went in
and never come out?
Oh, mama, that was years ago.
And they had just robbed a bank.
Well, Bubba, those
caverns are too far away
and they're too dangerous.
They got bats in there
bite you on the neck,
turn you into the livin' dead.
Mama, don't be silly.
The grizzly bears
would get Bubba
long before the bats ever could.
Bubba, you might die in
there, and we'd never know.
Oh, come on, you guys act like
those caves are out in
the middle of nowhere.
Bubba's right, Ms. Harper.
The state mental
institution is right nearby.
And it's not far from the
maximum-security prison.
Will you two stop helpin' me?
Well, y'all can just talk
till you're blue in the face.
My mind is made
up. You're not goin'.
Oh, yeah? Well,
you can't stop me!
Two hundred bucks can, mister
and you're not
gettin' it from me.
Well, then, I'll earn the
money myself. Who needs you?
And thanks for nothin'.
Good Lord! What did I
do to deserve such a brat?
Oh, don't take it
personal, mama.
It's just that rebellious
stage that all guys go through.
You know, cuttin'
the apron strings
testin' his independence.
When is that gonna
happen to you?
Well, would you look at this?
Give me that!
This is my mother's good
diamond and ruby brooch.
She gave this to
me on her deathbed
because I was her favorite.
I thought it was because
Aunt Fran didn't want it.
Because I was her favorite!
Well, how come you
never wear it then?
You don’t wear family heirlooms.
You just keep them to honor
the memory of your loved ones.
Besides, this
thing's ugly as sin.
Well, maybe so, but
I bet it's worth plenty.
Mel Rupe's jewelry
store had a whole display
of this kind of antique junk
and the cheapest
brooch there cost $1,000.
Are you kiddin'?
Mama, we could be rich!
Vinton, put your tongue
back in your mouth.
I'm not sellin' it!
Mama, Grandma Crowley's dead
and gone now. She'd never know.
Vinton, when you
get to be my age
you learn to respect the dead.
You don't wanna tick off
anyone you might be seein' soon.
Well, how 'bout we
take it over to Mel Rupe's
and just get an appraisal?
That wouldn't hurt anything.
- Well, I don't know.
- Oh, a thousand dollars, mama.
A thousand dollars!
Well... maybe I should
have it appraised
just... just for
insurance purposes.
Oh, thanks, mama.
Come on, Skeeter.
Oh, Vinton, You take good
care of that brooch, now.
Oh, of course, I will. This
baby is our meal ticket.
Ooh, honey, you are so sexy
when you're comin' into money.
Well, mother, maybe I
was your favorite after all.
I could make a grand
off that ugly brooch.
Lord, what'd I do to
deserve such a brat?
Mother?
You sell my brooch
and I'll haunt you
the rest of your life.
Ew-who-who!
You hardly touched that soap.
You get back in here and
scrub them hands good.
Yes, ma'am. Right away.
Knock, knock!
Thelma? Is that you?
Good Lord!
Oh, Iola, don't you
ever do that to me.
What is it? What's the matter?
Iola... do you
believe in spirits?
Yes, but in moderation
and never before driving.
Iola... my mother
is in this house.
She's come back from the dead.
Thelma, have you been drinkin'?
No! I would never drink
in front of my mother.
Oh, you poor thing, I've
never seen you like this.
You're tremblin'.
I'm tellin' you, mother is here.
She's come back to haunt me.
Oh, now, why would
she do a thing like that?
Because I was thinkin'
about sellin' her brooch.
It is amazin' how
touchy the dead can be.
Now, you just calm..
Calm down, Thelma.
There's no ghost in here.
Now, you sit right down there.
I'll tell you all about
Roselle Huflander's
new bedroom set.
Iola, I don't care about
where some blimp docks.
Iola... I need a ghostbuster.
Thelma, I wish you
would stop talkin' like this.
You're givin' me the willies.
I'm tellin' you, I swear to
you on a stack of Bibles
that old lady was
right here in this room.
Well, I'm sure there's a logical
explanation for what you saw.
She was sittin' right there on
that chair where you are now.
Iola!
You get back here!
Iola, don't you
leave me here alone!
Iola!
Shut the door, Thelma.
You'll let in every fly
in the neighborhood.
Thank the Lord,
the coast is clear.
Maybe I can finish my dinner.
I warned you
when you quit ballet
them hips were gonna spread.
Mother, please, I
almost dropped my roast!
Yeah? Go drop it in the
garbage. It's burnt to a crisp.
My family likes it well done.
Mmm.
Mama, is that my
favorite burnt pot roast?
There, you see?
We don't have to see it,
Ms. Harper. We can smell it.
Um... mam..
Mama?
Mama, w-we got good
news about the brooch.
Shh! Don't say the B
word. She might come back.
Who?
It's none of your
business. Just fork it over.
- Uh, we can't. Mr. Rupe has it.
- What?
Yeah, he wanted to
get an expert opinion
so it he took it over to the
diamond mart in Hinckley.
- Hinckley?
- Yeah.
Mel thinks it might
bring in over $1600.
Well, I don't care if it
brings in $16 million.
I'm not sellin' it!
But, Ms. Harper, you told us...
I don't care what I told you!
Y'all get back over to
Hinckley right this minute
and bring back my
dear mother's brooch.
Well... criminently, mama,
we can't drive all that way
without havin' dinner first.
Fine, Vinton, here.
Go put this on the table
and call Bubba. Hurry
up. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
You start eatin'.
I'll get the peas.
We'll have you
outta here in no time.
You be sure you add
enough salt to them peas.
Uh, I already put
in the salt, mother.
How much did you put in?
I don't know. Enough.
If you don't know
how much you put
how do you know it's enough?
There!
Is that enough?
Depends on how
much you put before.
These peas are fine!
Well, that's nice, grandma.
Are you gonna share
'em with the rest of us?
Here you go. Hurry. Eat up.
Let's get this show on the road.
For heaven's sake, Ms.
Harper, what is the rush?
Just cut the chatter and chew.
Well, don't they just
look like pigs at a trough?
Are you still here?
We're eatin' as fast as we can.
Well... slow down!
You look like pigs at a trough.
Ms. Harper, what on
earth has gotten into you?
Do you all notice anything
unusual here tonight?
Yeah, you forgot to make gravy.
Oh, just shut up and eat!
Don't you heathens say grace?
Uh... Bubba, thank the
Lord, like we always do.
- In the middle of the meal?
- Just do it!
Well..
Thank you for the eats.
- Amen.
- Amen.
There. You satisfied?
Uh, not quite. How 'bout
some more potatoes?
Oh, uh, sure thing, baby.
Uh, would you like some
peas to go along with that?
No, thanks.
I told you they
needed more salt.
Uh, Bubba, you
will have some more
of my delicious peas, won't you?
I don't have time,
grandma. I gotta get to work.
I got myself a job to pay for
my trip to Oswald Caverns.
Oswald Caverns?
Isn't that where them teenagers
went in and never come out?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
know all about that.
Gee, how'd you know?
Did Aunt Naomi tell you?
Tell me what?
That I got Bubba a job
unloading trucks at Food Circus.
I don't want you
unloadin' trucks.
No. He'll lose a finger.
Remember Uncle Roy?
You'll wind up just
like your Uncle Roy.
Who's Uncle Roy?
You never told him
about Uncle Roy?
I got more on my
mind than Uncle Roy!
Then why did you bring him up?
Are you gonna let him
talk back to you like that?
Don't you talk
back to me like that.
Look, grandma, I don't
have time to argue with you.
I gotta get to work.
I'm finished, too.
All this tension.. I
can't eat another bite.
Me neither.
Come on, Skeeter.
Let's get on to Hinckley.
We can stop at the Dairy
Dream on our way back.
Ooh, that's a good idea.
This is the worst
meal I ever ate.
Did you see how
they run out on you?
If you'd have put more
salt in peas like I told you
they'd still be here
eatin' seconds.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock again.
Anybody home?
Who wants to know?
It's your best friend,
Iola Lucille Boylen.
You got any ID?
Unlatch the door this instant.
Oh. It's you, alright.
Who else's face would
fit in the crack of a door?
Well, my word.
What's with all the garlic?
You makin' spaghetti
sauce at this hour?
No, it's for protection.
You got no idea what it's like
to be the only person in
this house and not be alone.
And, let me tell you somethin'
mother is no Casper,
the friendly ghost.
Now, what exactly does she do?
Well, she's at me all day long
carpin' and criticizin',
just like when I was a kid.
I wouldn't be surprised if
my face starts to break out.
But, Thelma, you always told me
that you got along so
well with your mother.
I never said we got along.
I said we never argued.
She dished it
out, and I took it.
A-ha! Just as I thought.
I have the answer
to your problems.
A mail-order exorcist?
Thelma, there is no
ghost in this house.
It's all in your mind.
Now, accordin' to this
article in Modern Psychology
what you're seein'
is a manifestation
of your subconscious.
Thelma, your mother
will continue to haunt you
till you get rid of
her once and for all.
Well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
I can't get my livin'
relatives out of this house
much less any dead ones.
You use this technique.
It's called "Taking Care
of Unfinished Business."
"Even if your parents are
gone, you can still confront them
with the painful
feelings from your past."
Oh, I don't, I-I've never talked
back to my mother in my life.
Well, maybe it's
time you started.
Bubba, what are you
doin' home so early?
I thought you were at work.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Oh, perhaps I should
go. This is a family matter.
Obviously, the boy needs to
feel free to talk about bein' fired
without the neighbors knowin'.
Well, thank you so much and
goodbye, Dr. Joyce Boylen.
Oh, grandma, it was awful.
I screwed everything up.
I couldn't tell the
squash from the zucchini
and I forgot to put
the fresh fish on ice.
And then I dropped this
great, big case of baked beans.
Well, anybody can drop a box.
On their supervisor's foot?
I was fired, grandma. Fired.
You were right. I
can't do anything.
I'm just a miserable failure.
Oh, Bubba, that's not true!
Hey, look on the
bright side, sweetie.
At least you
didn't lose a finger.
Well, that poor kid.
What are you whinin' about?
Now he can't go on that trip.
Be happy. You got your way.
Yeah. Why do I feel
like such a loser?
You always were a loser.
Remember that time you
just had to take baton lessons?
I was good at baton.
You stunk to high heaven.
It's a miracle you
didn't put your eye out.
Nothin' I ever did was good
enough for you, was it, mother?
Not the way I
dressed, not my friends.
You always had to criticize me.
That's because you
never did anything right.
You remember the
time I broke my arm?
You and daddy rushed
me to the hospital.
You never even
asked me if it hurt.
All you cared about was if I
was wearin' clean underwear.
What is your point?
My point is, all of my life
I let you tell me what
to do and what not to do.
Do you realize
that because of you
I've never even
worn a pair of slacks?
Nobody wants to look
at that caboose in pants.
You've made me
afraid to try anything.
I was 63 when I
learned to drive.
Don't tell me you're drivin'.
Thanks to you, mother
I've always been
ashamed to show affection.
I never let Carl anywhere near
me unless the lights were out.
Well, if you're gonna
talk dirty, I'm leavin'.
Oh, no, you're not!
Hey, I ain't through
with you yet, old lady!
Come back here! I mean it!
Where the hell did you go?!
To Hinckley, like you told us.
Here's your brooch.
Turns out that those
diamonds and rubies
were just garnets and glass.
You mean it's a fake?
Well, I should've known.
Yeah, the jeweler said
he'd give us $275 for it
'cause it's an antique.
But he figures it's worth
a lot more than that to you
on account of the
sentimental value.
Bubba Higgins, you get
down here this instant!
There's no sense in
hangin' on to the past
when it can do you
some good now.
What is it, grandma?
Pack your bags, Bubba.
You're goin' to Oswald Caverns.
But I thought you said
it was too dangerous.
Well, that wasn't me talkin'.
That was somebody else.
Here you go, sweetie.
This'll keep the bats away.
You really mean
it? I-I-I can go?
You bet. That's
what life is all about
tryin' new things.
Have you lost your mind?
You can't let him
go to them caves.
You keep outta this!
I didn't say anything!
Say, grandma, where
am I gonna get the $200?
From me. I am sellin'
mother's brooch.
Thanks, grandma.
You sell that brooch and I
will never speak to you again.
Hot damn!
Vinton, Naomi, take
this thing back tonight.
I'm warnin' you, I
will never forgive you.
Get the hell outta my life!!
Mama, can't we even
get a cup of coffee first?
Hey, I tell you
what, Vinton, Naomi
let's all make a night
of it. We'll go together.
The Dairy Dream is on me.
Hey, fork over those
keys. I feel like drivin'.
Ms. Harper, you know,
after you pay for Bubba's trip
there's still gonna
be $75 left over.
Yeah, mama, what
are we gonna do with it?
We are gonna buy me
my first pair of designer jeans.