Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 5, Episode 3 - Naomi's New Position - full transcript

Naomi's new store manager Archie Woods has offered her the newly opened position of assistant manager. She's flattered to have been selected but is not flattered one bit when Mr. Woods makes it clear,in words and actions,that she has to be "very friendly" to him to secure the promotion. Naomi realizes this is why the the last female assistant manager was let go. He tells her to go home and think it over. She lets it be known to Mama & Iola what he's done. After giving her a talk about how what he's done is sexual harrassment,she's still too upset to do anything. Mama comes up with a plan to give Archie Woods a taste of his own medicine and get positive proof of his sleazy doings. (You have to see this plan in action! LOL! )

Vinton, is there somethin'
wrong with them eggs?

What do you mean, eggs?

You know, this yellow-and-white
goo you been pushin' around

with your fork for 15 minutes.

Eggs!

Uh, no, thanks. I
already got some.

What the hell's the
matter with you?

Oh, mama, I'm
afraid I've lost Naomi.

Well, honey, she's downstairs
gettin' ready for work.

I'm sure if you go
root through that pile

of dirty clothes,
you'll find her.



No... I mean if she
gets that promotion

down at food circus

she might just climb up
the corporate ladder and..

Leave me behind.

Oh, Vinton, don't be silly.

Naomi isn't gonna go
climbin' any job ladder.

The most she'd do is put
her foot on it to display her leg.

What do you think of
my new executive look?

Well, I think it's great
if you're the chairman

of the board of
floozies international.

Oh, Skeeter.

Why do you want to
be assistant manager?

It'll ruin your personality..

And you'll have
to work late, too.



But, honey, it'll mean so
much more money for us.

We'll be able to afford
to have our baby.

You mean you'd..

Still want to have
a baby with me

after you're a big shot?

Well, of course I would, honey!

Lots of luck. Daddy
there doesn't even know

what an egg is.

Oh, just think, Vinton.

After I become assistant manager

I won't just have a job
I will have a position.

My name tag won't say,
"Hi, I'm Naomi," anymore.

It'll say, "Hello.
I'm Mrs. Harper."

Say, Mrs. Harper,
how come food circus

all of a sudden sees you
as the executive type?

Well, it's our new
manager, Archie Woods.

He's from the main
branch in Chicago.

He's really shaking
everything up.

He's already fired the
old assistant manager

that snooty Lois Gibson.

Well, how do you know

he won't shake
you out of a job, too?

Because, honey,
he sees my potential!

Well, if you ask me, he
ought to be checkin' out

the wobbly wheels
on them shoppin' carts.

Every time I head
for the frozen food

I wind up in produce.

Don't you worry, Ms. Harper.

Mr. Woods is gonna
take care of everything.

Why, he's even giving food
circus a whole new image.

From now on, we're gonna
be known as "the friendly store."

If you want a friend, you
don't go to the supermarket.

Yeah. You go to a bar.

Well, I think it is
very innovative.

Innovative?

Ohh, where's my old Skeeter?

But, honey, I have
to use bigger words

because I have a bigger job!

Just see to it you
don't get a bigger head.

But with all that
hair, who could tell?

You want a ride to
work with me, hon?

Oh, actually my appointment
with Mr. Woods isn't until 10:00.

Oh. I get it.

Executive hours.

Well, so long, Mrs. Harper.

Well, I always stand by my man.

How come he won't stand by me?

How can he, with those
god-awful shoulder pads?

Is the look too mannish?

Well, if you ask me,
nothin' says lady executive

like big earrings.

Never saw Joan
Crawford without them.

I'd loan you my
good pearl clip-ons

but I can't find one of them.

I've looked everywhere.

Except Bubba's ear.

What in the world
has come over you?

What?

Well, either that's
my good pearl earring

or an oyster just threw up
on the side of your head.

Oh..

This?

Well, I'm thinkin' about
gettin' my ear pierced.

You know, make a
fashion statement.

Forget it, mister. You
can't even make a statement

with your mouth.

Come on, now, Ms. Harper.

A pierced ear on a man
is really sexy, Bubba.

- You think so?
- Oh, yes.

It's just like a tattoo.

Why, nothin' turns a woman on

more than a man
who mutilates his body.

So, is this color me?

Well, I think green would
set your eyes off better.

Hmm. Yeah, I do
wear a lot of green.

What in the hell is
happenin' to my family here?

One of them wants
to be a lady executive.

The other one just
wants to be a lady.

- Give me that!
- Ow!

Attention, shoppers.

Take advantage
of our half-off sale

on dented cans, aisle 3.

Mr. Woods, Mrs.
Harper's here to see you.

Thank you, Rosalie.
Send her right in.

Come in, Naomi.

Wow. I like the suit.

- Nice shoulders.
- Why, thank you, Mr. Woods.

Please, call me Archie.

Oh. Thank you, Archie.

Why don't you have a seat?

Uh, Naomi, I've
had my eye on you

as possible
assistant-manager material.

And I think you just
might have what it takes.

Oh! I think so, too.

I have a lot of really
good ideas for the store.

- Oh, do you, now?
- Yes!

Like, we should put all of
the items that go together

right next to each
other in the store.

Like ham and eggs,
pork and beans.

Corned beef... - And cabbage.
- Yes!

Yeah, I get the picture but
don't you worry about ideas.

As assistant manager,
all you have to do

is exemplify our
friendly-store policy.

Oh. You mean like
public relations?

Now you're catching on.

See, we get a lot of
single guys shopping here

and they're gonna be bowled over

by that pretty smile.

Look at that!

Okay. Let's pretend
I'm a single guy.

Now, give me that smile,
and toss your head back

in that funny,
cute way of yours.

There it is!

It's a gold mine.

Oh! Well, I never
thought of it like that.

See, here at the friendly store

the assistant manager
must be the friendliest of all.

Well, I always... try
to be quite friendly.

Well, why don't you try with me?

That's it, honey.
Get up. Walk around.

Let me check out that fanny.

Oh!

Please, Mr. Woods,

I-I'm not that kind of a girl.

Naomi, you're starting to sound
like that uptight Lois Gibson.

You know what happened to her.

Ooh!

Listen. Gee, Mr. Woods I
don't think I have what it takes

to be the assistant manager.

I think I'll just stick
with my checker's job.

Maybe you will, and
maybe you won't.

Oh. Please, Mr. Woods,
you wouldn't..

Fire me, would you?

Well, that all depends, Naomi.

All you gotta do is prove
you're friendly enough

for the friendly store.

So? What do you think,
Ms. Boylen? Can you do it?

Well, I don't see why not.

You got a nice, healthy lobe
there, perfect for piercing.

Great!

He's got nice ankles, too

but I don't want
him in high heels.

Well, finally. Here comes
Naomi... 10 minutes late.

Maybe she got her promotion.

Yeah, and already
she's workin' overtime.

Now, you slap a smile
on that sour puss of yours.

If by some fluke
Naomi did land this job

then we got to encourage
her and build her up.

That's what a family is for.
To cheer you on to success.

What'd I tell you?
She fell flat on her face.

Naomi? What happened?

Didn't you get the job?

Oh, I got it... if I want it.

Oh, Skeeter.

I know why you're
actin' so down.

You do?

Yeah.

You're afraid I won't approve.

Well, honey, I am
behind you all the way.

I want you to have this
job no matter what it takes.

But, honey, there are all kinds

of hidden job requirements
I didn't know about.

Oh, don't tell me you're
bellyachin' already.

Face facts, missy, you
wanna get ahead in this life

you gotta put out a little.

I most certainly do not!

What the hell is
wrong with that girl?

She acts like she
doesn't wanna make it.

Okay. Let's see.

We got your cotton
balls and mercurochrome

and smellin' salts.

Smelling salts?

Ms. Boylen, you have actually
pierced ears before, right?

Oh, my, yes.

In high school, I
pierced so many ears

the girls used to
call me Doc Boylen.

And we thought it was 'cause
you looked like Doc Severinsen.

Well, I'm off to work.

Oh. Naomi's not
gonna ride in with you?

No. The poor baby's exhausted.

She was up all
night, just lyin' there

starin' at the
ceiling, thinkin'.

That woman does everything
in the world in that bed

but sleep.

Mama, I'm worried.

It's not like Naomi to have
somethin' on her mind.

I know, sweetie.

That's why you two
were meant for each other.

You have a nice day.

Ow, ow. Ooh, it hurts!

It hurts!

Bubba, for heaven's sakes

I am markin' the
spot with a pen.

Hey, you'll know when
she's really doin' it

by all the blood
splatterin' everywhere.

What?

Blood is not gonna
splatter anywhere.

You never know.

I heard about this girl

got her ear pierced one time.

The damn thing
started hemorrhagin'.

Nothin' would stop it.

She bled like a stuck pig.

She was near death

by the time they got her
to that emergency room.

Doctor said it was the
worse case he'd ever seen.

Had to give her
six pints of blood.

Stuff was spurtin' out
as fast as it was goin' in.

But I guess you two
know what you're doin'.

Uh... maybe we better
just do this another time.

Nonsense, Bubba.

Nothin' untoward
is gonna happen.

Now, Thelma, I will need
an orange and some ice.

What in the world
are you doin' here

piercin' an ear or
makin' an orange Julius?

Everything will become clear.

Here you go.

First of all, I use the ice
to totally numb the ear.

Now hold this right there.

And then I will put the
orange behind your lobe

to protect the carotid
artery from bein' punctured.

How's it gonna get punctured
by a tiny little needle?

Tiny little needles
are for amateurs.

You're dealin' with Doc Boylen.

What's that?

Mother's hatpin, of course.

Well, what in the
world are you gonna do

pierce him from across the room?

Don't be silly.

It's just easier to handle.

One quick jab, and you're done.

In, and out.

One, two.

Push, pull.

Thrust, back.

Uh... thanks
anyway, Miss Boylen.

I think I've changed my mind.

I thought you were gonna
make a fashion statement.

I'll buy designer jeans!

One, two!

In, out!

Will you knock it off?

Who the hell do you think
you are, Norman Bates?

What happened to Bubba?

Well, sorry, doc.

I think he's gone to
get a second opinion.

Well, darn. Here I am all
primed and nothin' to pierce.

Is there any coffee left?

Comin' right up.

My goodness, Naomi.

You look so down in the mouth.

Oh, I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

You thought about
piercin' your ears?

Will you go stick that
in your mother's hat?

Here you go, sweetie.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

What do you think?

You got a problem that
you're all torn up about.

We're here in the kitchen
all alone, just us women.

The coffee's on the table.

Go ahead. Spill your guts.

Yes, do. What's goin' on?

Well, it's Mr. Woods.

He says that I can't be
the assistant manager

unless I..

Go to bed with him!

Oh, my lord!

What did he say? What'd he do?

Oh, it was horrible!

You know that hungry look
that a man gets in his eyes

when he's after you
just for your body?

Well, believe me, it's awful.

Let me get this straight.

Did this woods
character actually say

that you had to come
across to get your promotion?

He said that I had
to come across

to even keep my checker's job!

He can't do that! That
is sexual harassment.

That's right. It's
against the law.

It is?

Yes! Oprah did a whole
show on it last week.

You remember that, Thelma.

She was wearin'
that big purple scarf.

Well, she's always wearin'
a big purple somethin'.

The point is what she
said. You gotta fight this.

You gotta march back in there
and stand up for your rights.

I don't think I can, Ms. Harper.

I don't ever wanna
see that man again.

Maybe you won't have
to now that you got

me and Iola on your team.

And Oprah, too.

Yeah! Talk about
tippin' the scales.

You just start at the beginning

and tell us everything
that happened.

Alright.

Attention, shoppers.
Noontime special.

For the next hour only

one-third off on
day-old bakery items

a stale steal.

Mr. Woods, Mrs.
Harper's here to see you.

Uh, send her in, Rosalie,
and I don't wanna be disturbed.

Yes, sir, Mr. Woods.

Won't you come in, my dear?

Don't mind if I do.

I'm sorry. I think there's
been some mistake.

I have an appointment.

With Mrs. Harper?

- Why, yes.
- That's me.

Well, I was expecting
Naomi Harper.

Well, what you got is her
mother-in-law, Thelma Harper.

You don't understand this is,
uh, a business appointment.

And we both know what
kind of business, don't we?

Heh heh. I beg your pardon?

Oh, now, let's don't
be coy, Woodsy.

Naomi filled me in on
all the job requirements

and she's not interested..

But I am.

I, uh.. Unfortunately,
Mrs. Harper...

Call me Thelma.

I'm a very fast learner.

Really.. Mrs. Harper!

Ah! I just love it when
you boys play hard to get.

Rosalie, get security
up here immediately.

Rosalie! Rosal..

Rosalie's gone to lunch.

I told her to take
an extra 15 minutes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, that's good. Let
me check out that fanny!

Mrs. Harper, please!

Well, what's the
matter, sweet cheeks?

I thought this was
the friendly store.

I want you out of
here this minute.

Oh, I love it when you
toss your head like that.

It straightens the
seams in my stockings.

I-I'm warning you. I'm gonna
call the police if I have to.

Go ahead. Call the police.

Better yet, call the vice squad.

While they're here they're gonna
wanna take Naomi's affidavit.

What are you talkin'
about, affidavit?

I'm talkin' about filin'
formal charges against you

for sexual harassment.

Go ahead and try.
You'll never win.

The authorities will
never believe it...

Checker over manager.

Oh, really? Never?

You sound like you've
done this sort of thing before.

Are you kidding? I bagged
every good-lookin' checker

in the tri-state area.

It's one of the executive
perks of being a manager.

Do you mean to say that
you can take advantage

of employees like Naomi
and get away with it?

Why not? It's my
word against hers.

Not anymore it ain't.

It's your word against
every person in this store.

Now hear this, shoppers!

Did you just hear this
cut-rate casanova?

Give me that
microphone! Give it to me!

Uh-oh! Uh-oh! He's
comin' after me now!

Ow! Help! Oh!

Help me! Help me!

I would like to propose a toast.

Break that glass, I'm
gonna toast your butt.

Here is to my wonderful Skeeter

the new assistant
manager at food circus!

Way to go, Aunt Naomi.

Well, I couldn't have done it

without the love
and support of y'all.

Lord, I never dreamed
I'd live to see this day.

Imagine a member
of my own family

able to okay a check.

Oh! And I would
also like to toast

the person who
made it all possible..

Mr. Archie woods.

Drink to that and die.

Honey, Mr. Woods is
no longer at food circus.

Oh? Why? What happened to him?

I guess you could say he got
caught layin' down on the job.