Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 4, Episode 21 - Mama Goes Hawaiian: Part 2 - full transcript

In part 2;Iola,Bubba & Mama's romances continue in Hawaii. Iola spends time and finds much in common with a sailor from Sweden. Bubba has found a local young Hawaiian beauty,who may not be ...

"Dear Eunice, so
far our trip to Hawaii

"has been heaven on earth.

"Of course, our first day
here, Naomi did get herself

"a second-degree sunburn.

"That very day, Iola took up

"with this Norwegian sailor.

"Bubba found himself
this Hawaiian cutie.

"And yours truly reeled
in a drownin' beach bum

"named Billy, who
is drivin' me nuts.

"I've spent the last two
days hidin' in the room

"playin' cards with Naomi,
just to avoid the old coot



"but I think I've finally
given him the slip."

Hey, Thelma, it's me, Billy!

Long time no see.

"Gotta go. Aloha, mama."

Thelma, wait! It's Billy!

Wait up!

It's a little get-well gift
that Lars and I got for you.

A genuine puka shell necklace.

Yeah, Lani says
it's the same kind

that the real Hawaiians wear.

Oh! Well, give it back
to the real Hawaiians!

It's killing my sunburn!

- Sorry, Naomi.
- You're sorry?

Oh, I'm the one who's sorry



I ever came on this
wretched vacation!

Could've had more
fun staying home

and checking groceries
at Food Circus!

Hey, everybody.

Well, Vint, aren't
you the dapper one.

Well, this is the way
a gentleman dresses

for a day of golf.

Honey, you know I
can't go to a golf course

in my condition.

Yeah, I know.

I guess I'm just gonna
have to bite the bullet

and play without you.

- I'll see you on the 19th hole.
- Well, thanks a lot!

And just what am I
supposed to do all day?

Stay in here and
play Crazy Eights

with Mrs. Harper?

You can deal me out, Naomi.

I got the call of the islands.

What's on today's agenda, Iola?

Well, first, we're
gonna tour Maui

and then shoppin' in Lahaina.

Great. Let's get crackin'.

I got me an aloha
hula lamp to buy.

But, Ms. Harper,
you can't go out.

- What about Billy?
- The hell with Billy!

I ain't about to stay
around this hotel

waitin' for him to pounce.

Okay, come on, you deadbeats!
This muumuu is ready to move!

Oh, fine! Go ahead! Live it up!

Don't give a single thought

to your own son's wife!

Okay. That's what
mother-in-law's do best.

Aloha.

Say, did you know
the circus was in town?

Listen, Bud, I think we
have to change our strategy

for the board meeting tomorrow.

You know what's been
happening to the market

everybody is getting out.

Uh, I couldn't help overhearin'.

You know, my wife says
that that is the best time

to go into the market,
when it's empty.

Your wife's a market insider?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's her job.

She is one of the best

market checkers in the country.

Uh, what kind of
stock does she handle?

Oh, she doesn't handle stock.

She's got some
guy to do that for her.

Now, Naomi's job is strictly

to get you in and out
of the market in hurry.

- Huh?
- A turnover specialist.

You know, our
boss, uh, R.W. Field

we're all on the
board of Field Corp

uh, is looking for some
expert market advice.

Oh, I'd be glad to
tell you what I know.

Harper is the
name, Vinton Harper.

- Nice to see you.
- Glad to meet you, Harper.

Say, why not
finish our discussion

over a friendly 18 holes?

My pleasure, boys.

Uh, just, uh, out of curiosity

does your wife ever give you, uh

any tips on what to buy

uh, you know, on the QT?

Well, she did say that
there was a good deal

on pork this week.

Really?

Uh, you get the cart.
I'll be there in a sec.

Sure thing.

R.W., it's Brandon.

I've got a hot tip
from a market insider.

Sell what we can.

Put it all in pork bellies.

Trust me.

Pork bellies.

This guy won't steer us wrong.

Originally, this train
was used by my people

to transport sugarcane.

Okay, everybody,
stand up here in front.

I'm gonna snap your picture.

Alright.

No. Iola, take your glasses
off. I'm gettin' a glare.

Okay, everybody,
say "Chi-chi's."

"Chi-chi's."

Thelma, is that you?

It's me, Billy.

Good Lord! I feel like
I'm in "Fatal Attraction."

Say, Thelma, what about lunch?

Forget it, mister! You have
mooched your last meal.

Now, if you will excuse
me, I have a train to catch.

Come on, you goons. Let's go.

Thelma, wait! I'll
come with you. Wait!

Thelma! Thelma!

So long, sucker!

You can kiss my caboose!

Yes?

That much?

Great.

Wait ten minutes and sell.

That's right.

The man said to
get in and out fast.

We've gotta dump Harper.

The poor jerk is
throwing the ball.

Listen, that poor jerk just
tripled our market earnings

in less than two hours.

Okay, I'm done.

You boys ready to play on?

Well, you bet, good buddy.

Well, I cannot believe
that in all Lahaina

there isn't one aloha hula lamp.

Well, Thelma, the
man in the last shop

said they stopped
makin' them in 1952.

Yeah, grandma, maybe
you ought to just give up.

Forget it, Roselle has been

rubbin' my nose in that
lamp of hers for years.

I'm not about to go back home
without one of my very own.

Oh, maybe we should
split up and look for it.

Good idea, sweety,
oh, and remember

money is no object.

I'm willin' to pay
up to 30 bucks

for this sucker.

- Can I help you, lady?
- I doubt it.

I'm lookin' for somethin'
they don't make

you don't have and I can't buy.

Snooky Lanson record?

No. It is an aloha hula lamp.

It has a pineapple shade
and a little doll that does...

That does the hula
when you turn it on.

I've got the only
one left on the island.

That's it!

That is it! Come to mama!

Oh, mister, I've been
lookin' all over the island

for this beauty!

I've been lookin' all
over for a beauty myself.

And there is my beautiful lamp

all smashed to bits.

Poor little hula girl
lyin' there on the ground

that minute hand stuck
right through her heart.

Tell me, Ms. Harper...

what is it like outside
in the real world?

Is the sky still blue?

Oh, for pity's sakes, Naomi!

You're stayin' in the
finest hotel on earth.

Go take a stroll
through the lobby.

Get your nails
done. Have a chi-chi.

Oh, none of that
stuff is any fun

without the man I love.

Well, just where in the
world is Vinton anyway?

Playing golf for the
second day in a row!

Then when he comes home
at night all he wants to do

is talk about my
job at Food Circus!

- Food Circus?
- Yeah.

How do I know
which stock is best

how fast can a person
get in and out of the market

and do I have any tips
on today's specials?

How do you like that?

Next thing we know, he's
gonna be collectin' coupons.

Yeah.

Who's there?

It's Chuck, Mrs. Harper.

Your breakfast is here.

Yo, Chucky!

Come on in. I'm starved!

Very good, Mrs. Harper.

Would you like me to set
this up out on the patio?

Sure, why not? Come on, Naomi.

Live a little. Sit in the shade.

Hey, Thelma, it's me, Billy!

Good Lord! It's
that pest, Billy.

Chuck, you better
set this up inside.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, he certainly is
a persistent old coot.

Isn't he? How am I
gonna get rid of that bum?

Miss Harper, he is obviously
the kind that loves a chase.

I think you gotta stop
runnin' away from him.

- What am I supposed to do?
- Invite him to lunch.

Dress great, smile a lot.

And then dump him.

How?

Well, just tell
him that your love

was never meant
to be, that you come

from two entirely
different worlds.

That works every time.

No man is gonna fall for that.

I have. Twice.

Well, fine, Chucky. Come here.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Naomi, bring me my chi-chi.

Chucky, you see that
old geezer out there?

I want you to take him
this invitation for lunch.

Real clean, Vint.

Thanks.

Only nine holes and
I'm still under 200.

You're next, Grant.

Say, uh, Vint, old buddy

the head of our company,
R.W. Field, is real interested

in talking to you
about the market.

He is? Well, sure.

- When?
- Right now.

Uh, that’s him, coming
out of his house.

His house is on the
Kapalua Golf Course?

Well, one of his houses. He
has homes all over the world.

Well, he's not
dressed as good as me.

When you got billions, you
can dress any way you want.

- Morning, gentlemen.
- Morning, R.W.

- Hey, you must be Vint.
- Yeah.

Son, I'd like to thank you for
all the help you've given us.

Oh, hey, no sweat. Heh-heh.

Well, uh, I'd been planning
to invite you in for lunch

but something really
important has come up and...

Well, how about tomorrow?

Oh, I can't.

My family's leavin'
tomorrow for home.

Oh...

Well, say, uh, what
about I throw you

a little luau tonight,
sort of a happy send-off?

Well, g-gee, that'd be great.

- My mama would love that.
- Well, consider it done.

Gentlemen, I'm gonna
have to leave now.

I have an appointment
that may turn

in to be the biggest
merger of my life.

- Aloha, R.W.
- Goodbye.

Good luck.

Oh!

Nice shot, Grant!

Here you go... Scotch
for the gentleman...

and your usual.

Boy, you really know how
to put away those chi-chi's.

Yeah, well, I've always
been able to hold my liquor.

Mrs. Harper, these
chi-chi's are non-alcoholic.

- I thought you knew.
- What?

You mean I've been
payin' four bucks

for fruit juice and chipped ice?

Hell, bring me a beer!

Say, Thelma, it really
was a wonderful surprise

to have you invite
me here for lunch.

Well, that's what the good
book says we should do.

Help those less fortunate.

Well, I don't really consider
myself less fortunate

at least not while I'm with you.

Thelma, here's to us.

Well, Billy, I really
can't drink to that.

Why not?

You and I come from
two different worlds.

I know, but I could adjust.

Well, maybe you
could, but I couldn't.

No, Billy, ours is a love
that was never meant to be.

Thelma, I-I-I don't
really understand.

Just make it easy on both of us.

Say goodbye.

Well, if that's what you want...

goodbye, Thelma.

Goodbye.

- Hot damn!
- Here's your beer, Mrs. Harper.

Just put that sucker
on ice, Loraine.

It's my last night on island.

I got to go find me a rich man

lookin' for a good time.

♪♪ Always the hula ♪♪

♪♪ Always kahoolawe waves ♪♪♪♪

Oh, baby, ain't this some party?

- Yes, it certainly is.
- Oh... Mwah!

It's good to see you
out of the room, Skeeter.

Oh, there's the guys.

Hey, guys! Guys!

Naomi, this is Bud,
Grant and Brandon.

- This is my wife.
- Oh, Mrs. Harper.

It's such an honor
to meet you at last.

Yes, your reputation
has preceded you.

I'll say, there aren't
many women in the world

who can do the things you do.

Baby!

What have you been
tellin' them about me?

Boy, howdy, isn't this
just the perfect way

to say goodbye to the islands?

Well, grandma, you
don't have to remind us.

Oh, my people say that
the love you find in Hawaii

can never end.

Oh, that's why aloha
means goodbye and hello.

Oh, in Norway, we have a
special way of saying goodbye.

Oh, how do you say it?

Like this.

Oh, well, when
you put it that way

goodbye isn't nearly so bad.

My people say that
the magic of the island

that drew us all together
will bring us back again.

Uh-oh. It looks like it's
already started workin'.

What the hell are
you doin' here?

This happens to
be a private party.

Those guys are gonna
toss you out on your ear.

It'll be worth it just
to see you again.

Forget it, mister! You've
puckered your last!

Mama, I see you've met R.W.

- R.W.?
- Yes, R.W. Field.

The President of Field Corp.

He's the one who's
givin' us this party.

You mean, you're
not a beach bum?

Mama, he's one of the
richest men in the country.

Well, why the hell
didn't you tell me?

And why the hell don't
you dress for success?

Imagine, that guy
was a millionaire

and grandma didn't even know it.

My people say that real love

should be based
on truth and honesty.

Oh, yoo-hoo, Elaine!
Elaine, darling!

Over here! Is that
your new fella?

- Oh, God, it's my parents!
- Parents?

I thought you said
you were a native.

Uh, I am a native...
of New Jersey.

Oh, w-w-what was all
that talk about your people?

That's us. We're the Feldman's.

Nice to meet you.

Thelma, I've so enjoyed
these times together.

And I'd like you to
have a little something

to remember me by.

Boys!

Oh, my word!

An aloha hula lamp!

I thought I broke the
last one on the island.

I had this one flown
over from Las Vegas.

Billy Field, you're
one alright guy

you know that?

Hey, what say we
get down and boogie?

Come on!

Well, everything looks fine.

Oh, boy, I'm pooped.

Oh, home sweet home.

Sure is good to be back.

Oh, who would've
thought seven days ago

that I would have a wild romance

with a Scandinavian sailor?

Not me.

Well, Vinton plug this baby in.

Let's see my little
hula girl do her thing.

Oh, baby, look at her go.

Oh, Thelma, that's even
better than Roselle's.

- Isn't it?
- Well, I tell you.

I'm gonna remember this vacation

for as long as I live.

Yeah, we all will

with this fancy lamp
right here to remind us.

The hell you say!

This beauty is goin'
upstairs to my night table.

Shoot, my bedroom hasn't
seen this much hip action

in decades.