Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 3, Episode 3 - Best Medicine - full transcript
Mama is still angry with Ellen for Ellen's having passed up Aunt Fran's funeral for a bridge tournament. When Ellen comes over to try to make amends, Mama refuses to accept her apology. Then, the next evening, Vint and Naomi come home with the news that Ellen has been hospitalized. Now, Mama is alarmed, and she and the rest of the family and Iola rush to the hospital to see Ellen. Is it too late for Mama to make up with Ellen?
For pity sakes, Naomi,
would you hurry up?
Ms. Harper, in scrabble, it
pays to give a little thought.
Well, it's a good thing
'cause a little thought's
all you can muster.
Oh, yeah?
Well, check this out.
Hey, good, Skeeter! That
puts you ahead of Mama.
Just a minute.
What is that word?
Unapt.
"Unapt," that ain't a word!
- Is that a challenge?
- Ha ha.
And remember,
grandma, if she's right,
it'll cost you double points.
Now, hold on a minute.
I'll go find the dictionary.
I'll get it. Unapt.
Hi, Mama. I brought
you a little present.
Don't just sit there, Bubba.
Go and find the dictionary.
Mama, please.
Don't you think you've
carried this thing
just about far enough?
Bubba, would you shut that
door? I feel hot air blowin' in here.
- Hi, Aunt Ellen.
- Hello, Bubba.
Vint, Naomi...
mommy dearest.
Vinton, would you
please tell your sister
she should've had the courtesy
to call before comin' over.
You should've had the
courtesy to call before you...
How am I to talk
to her on the phone
when she's not speakin' to me.
Mama, how is she...
I'm sure she's got friends
in her hoity-toity
bridge club to speak to!
- Ellen, I'm sure you have...
- Oh, butt out, Vinton.
Mama, how many
times do I have to say
I am sorry I missed
Aunt Fran's funeral?
"Lots."
Mama, it was not my fault
that-that Aunt Fran's funeral
fell on the first day of
my bridge competition.
Bubba, how many Ls
are there in baloney?
Why don't I go make myself
a sandwich and find out?
Oh, wait, Bubba, before
you go in the kitchen,
let Mama open my
little peace offerin'.
It's gonna move
this family's kitchen
right into the 21st century!
Who's in there, Buck Rogers?
Oh, please open it, Ms. Harper!
- The suspense is killin' me!
- What suspense?
We know it's somethin' for the
kitchen. Probably pot-holders.
Well, what the...
What the hell is this?
It's La Processe!
You'd have done
better with pot-holders.
Whatever it is, you
can just take it back.
Mama, this is the finest French
food processor money can buy.
We don't eat French food!
We eat French fries.
Good Lord. Looks like you
could lose a limb in this thing.
Nonsense, Mama, I've never
so much as nicked myself
in all the years I've had it.
You mean you are
givin' me somethin' used?
Previously owned.
This is one slap in the
face too many, Ellen.
First, you miss Fran's funeral
for one of your poker games.
Now you try to make up for it
by stickin' me with one
of your old kitchen rejects!
It is in mint condition.
You were a selfish,
stingy, self-centered little girl
and you have gone
downhill ever since.
Mama, please, don't do this.
I came here tonight
with open arms.
Oh, yeah. Open arms
holdin' that used veg-o-matic!
Let's call a truce.
Who knows how much
more time we have together?
Can't you just enjoy
the time we have left?
Oh, put it in a Hallmark, Ellen!
I ain't dead yet. Whose
turn is it anyway?
Mama, is that all
you gotta say to me?
- No, I got a question.
- What is it?
Is "unapt" a word?
Yes.
It means foolish
or inappropriate
like my visit here tonight.
Whoo-wee! I knew
that was a word!
Double points! I got
you beat, Ms. Harper!
Don't count on it, Naomi.
Where Mama's
concerned, nobody wins.
And you can take this fancy
French blender with ya, missy!
I'll burn in hell before
I touch this thing.
Go ahead, Iola. Touch it.
I don't know, Thelma.
It seems so menacing.
Doesn't it? It's like havin'
a chain saw in the kitchen.
"How to live happily
"with your La Processe
Food Processor."
Well, I'm all for
a happier life.
"As you become familiar
with your La Processe,
"you'll discover it to be your
best friend in the kitchen."
I don't know. I'm awful
fond of my sponge.
"Important, to
avoid painful injury,
"you must always
follow these basic rules."
- Say what?
- It's all in French!
Well, darn Ellen and
her hand-me-downs!
All the English
pages are missin'!
Hey, grandma. What's shakin'?
Ellen's neck, if I ever
get my hands on it.
What's for dinner?
Sure as hell won't be anything
made in this French weed eater.
Mama. Mama, we
got some bad news.
Maybe you'd better
sit down, Ms. Harper.
Oh, my Lord. What is it?
- It's Ellen.
- Ellen?
Yeah. Kate Cheeseman just
came through my check stand.
She was at Saint
Ray Memorial Hospital
visitin' her daughter.
Never mind her daughter.
What about my daughter?
She had a 6-pound baby boy!
- Ellen?
- No. Kate Cheeseman's daughter.
Shut up about Kate Cheeseman!
Tell me what happened to Ellen!
Mama, Ellen is havin'
surgery first thing in the mornin'.
Ellen's havin'
surgery? Oh, my Lord!
Thelma, don't you worry about
a thing. I know she'll be fine.
But just in case, I'll run home
and give a call to Rev. Meechum.
Hope he's wearin' his beeper.
Oh, my Lord, my poor Ellen!
Maybe that's why she
came over last night.
She said we didn't have
much time left together
and I turned my back on her.
Hurry. Let's get on
over to Saint Ray's.
W-without dinner?
You're gonna be goin'
without a backside
if you don't get a move on!
Lord, hang on, Ellen.
Mama's on the way!
Dinnertime, Ms. Jackson.
Oh, thank goodness. I'm starved.
Uh, liquids only.
Tea, bouillon, and lime Jell-O.
I'll have it later
when I'm thirstier.
As you wish.
Would you like me to
move the phone closer
in case your family calls?
Oh, don't bother.
Thank goodness my
family doesn't know I'm here.
I'll be outta here in a day,
and they'll be none the wiser.
Ellen, are you in here?
I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson ain't
up to company right now.
We ain't company.
We're her family.
Vinton, Naomi, I found her!
Bubba, quit playin'
with that wheelchair
and get in here!
I'll be down the
hall if you need me.
All she needs is her Mama. You
go change a bedpan or somethin.'
We brought you
a few things, Ellen.
Well, now, you really
didn't need to do that.
Oh, look, flowers...
and weeds.
We were in a hurry. I just
scooped them up outta the yard.
I brought you some copies
of the "Reader's Digest."
Well, how nice.
March and June... 1974.
They were sittin' on the
back of the john collectin' dust.
I've read 'em both
dozens of times.
Alright, Naomi. Spare
us the book review.
Go ahead, Bubba.
Here, Aunt Ellen.
This candy is great.
Apparently, it was.
Do you always have to
make a pig outta yourself?
Well, I left her the nougats!
I can't tell you how much
your gifts mean to me.
We didn't have time for
shoppin' findin' out you were here
like we did at the last
minute from a total stranger.
I never did like Kate Cheeseman.
So, what's the matter
with you anyway, Ellen?
It's personal, Naomi.
Oh, female problems.
What is it, tests or somethin'?
Oh, no. No.
I got a second
opinion and he agrees
that the only
solution is surgery.
Oh, good Lord.
When I think of all
the family members
I've lost right here
in this very hospital...
Grandma Crowley, my
mother, Lord rest her soul,
Aunt Ina, Cousin
Seeley, and now Ellen.
Thank you for those
words of comfort, Mama.
I'm sorry. Visitin'
hours are over.
- It's time for company to go.
- Oh, what a shame.
- Good luck tomorrow, Ellen.
- Yeah.
- Have a good time.
- See you later!
Get on in here! We
ain't goin' anywhere!
We're gonna see
Ellen through this
no matter how long it takes.
Now, if I have to,
I will call security.
You can call the damn marines
if you want! We ain't budgin'.
- Mama, please.
- You are upsettin' her.
Well, of course, she's upset!
She's gonna go under
the knife in this slaphappy
butcher shop
you call a hospital!
You have any idea how
many members of my family
have been snuffed out by
the sorry doctors in this joint?
My Grandma Crowley, my
mother, Lord rest her soul...
Mama, please, don't-don't go
through the list again, Mama.
It's alright. They can stay.
In times of crisis,
there's nothin' like family.
Mama, do we have to stay?
Hospitals give me the creeps.
That is what families
are all about, Vinton,
doin' things that
make you miserable.
Well, then, I'll... I'll just
turn on the TV. Excuse me.
Excuse me, Ellen. Just
let me grab your clicker.
Let's see now.
I can't remember
who this month's
most unforgettable
character was.
Oh, yeah... the
kid with the hump.
Grandma, grandma, how
long are we gonna stay?
I'm supposed to go down to the
quarry with Dwayne and T-Boy.
Could you hand
me a glass of water?
Are you still hangin'
around with that crowd?
Well, it's not a crowd, grandma.
It's just Dwayne and T-Boy.
- Mama...
- That T-Boy is a bum.
Just like his daddy.
I don't care what you
say. I'm gonna see him!
- Mama...
- In a minute, Ellen!
Now you listen here, mister
till you're living with
me, you'll do it my way
or I'll tan your hide
till hell won't have it!
- Mama...
- For cryin' out loud, Ellen!
Here's your damn water!
Thank you, Mama.
That's alright, baby doll.
You think you got
problems, Ellen?
Wait till you read
about little Johnny here.
Hey, this thing's great. We
gotta get one of these babies.
Ellen, do you want
this lime Jell-O?
- Not anymore.
- Oh, great!
We left so suddenly, I
didn't get any supper.
- Is that soup?
- Mm-hmm.
Hey! I never get enough to eat.
If you weren't so busy
hangin' out with that gang,
you would know I prepare
a well-balanced dinner
every night! Give
me that damn candy!
It's not a gang, grandma!
It's just me and
Dwayne and T-Boy!
And what the hell kind of
a name is T-Boy anyway?
- Nurse.
- It's better than Thelma!
Hey, this thing even gets cable!
You're kiddin'!
Let me see, honey!
- Nurse!
- Vinton, turn that thing off.
Can't you see you're
upsetting Ellen?
Bubba, knock that off!
That's right, Ellen
always gets her way.
Never mind what
anybody else wants to do.
Yeah. What about our
pleasures, Ms. Harper?
- Yeah, really...
- Nurse!
- What is it, Ms. Jackson?
- Throw them out.
And post an armed
guard at my door.
If they so much as
peep around the corridor
tell him to shoot to kill.
Alright, now. Out!
Well, criminy. Is that
the thanks we get?
Yeah. Who stuck a
bur under her mattress?
She is so tense.
You all have got her so
worked up over this surgery.
Why don't I get you a sedative?
Make it a double.
You're right. It was
much too crowded in here.
I sent them all on home.
Mama, if you hurry, I
bet you can catch 'em.
And leave you here all alone?
Not on your life.
Don't you worry
about a thing, baby.
Mama's here for the night.
This will make
you go fast asleep.
I'll tell you, this Tricia Nixon
is the daughter every
mother dreams of havin'.
Do you have somethin'
to put her to sleep?
This is the
prettiest bed jacket.
Now, I've never
seen another like it.
Why, thank you.
I noticed that
bed jacket myself.
That's the one you
gave me for my birthday.
I remember all these frilly
gewgaws around the collar.
You also remember tellin' me
to take the gaudy thing back?
I told you to exchange
it for a better color.
I love that jacket. Never
seen another one like it.
You said it was gaudy.
You wouldn't wear it.
I said I wouldn't wear that
drab color. Neither should you.
Well, fine, Mama!
If I die tomorrow on
the operatin' table,
just be sure they
don't bury me in it.
Ellen...
I've been under a
terrible strain lately
with Frannie goin'
the way she did
and Bubba comin' the
way he did... and now this.
I guess I just am not the
same ol' happy-go-lucky mother
I used to be.
There's no reason for
me to take it out on you.
I know how much you
live for your bridge games.
I hate to think of the
terrible things I said
yesterday when I slammed
that door in your face.
No, Mama, you
slammed the door first
and then you said
the awful things.
Never mind the order! What
I'm tryin' to say is I'm sorry.
Now, don't try to change the
subject because you know...
What did you just say?
I'm sorry.
Mama, you never said
"I'm sorry" to me before.
Do you know what this means?
What?
It means we're not
fightin' anymore.
We're communicatin'.
You're sorry and I forgive you.
Well, okay. I forgive you too.
Mama.
Oh, isn't it wonderful?
We can finally be friends.
It's a shame your
bein' in the hospital
had to be the cause of it.
If that's what it takes
to get us back together
I don't mind riskin' surgery.
Oh, my brave little girl.
Just what kind of an
operation is it, baby?
I'd rather not talk about it.
Not even to your friend?
Well, alright, Mama.
I-I hope you'll just
keep it between us.
Just between friends.
I'm havin' a fanny tuck.
A what?
A fanny tuck.
You know, so my bottom
will stand at attention again.
Lately, all it could
muster was at ease.
I don't believe my ears.
I thought you were
havin' a serious operation.
I am goin' under
the knife, Mama.
Oh, yeah, to have a slice
taken off your fat fanny!
Is that how you
talk to a friend?
I wouldn't have a friend
who'd get her buns bobbed!
I wouldn't have to
if it weren't for you.
Where do you think I
inherited this caboose?
Don't you try to lay this
at my back porch, missy!
I have kept my figure!
Where, in a bass fiddle?
Knock, knock. How's
our patient feelin'?
- Visitin' hours are over, Iola.
- Oh, forgive me.
I had to do a little
somethin' to lift Ellen's spirits.
The last thing Ellen
needs is another lift.
- Thank you, Iola.
- I crocheted it myself.
Well, isn't this somethin'.
What is it?
Everybody always asks
that till they see it on.
Where's she
supposed to wear that?
She doesn't wear
it. It's for her IV.
It's a cheerful glucose cozy.
Good God!
Well, thanks for
droppin' by, Iola.
When Roselle Huplander
had surgery last October,
I made one for her
like a jack-o'-lantern.
Yeah, Ellen needs her rest now.
They couldn't tell when
she ran outta glucose.
By the time that nurse checked,
Roselle's jack-o'-lantern
was nearly bone-dry.
Uh-huh. Alright,
you drive safely.
That close call turned me off
to the seasonal cozy for good.
So long.
I swear that woman
gets loonier by the minute.
Of course, there seems to be
a lotta that goin' around, missy.
Ellen.
Ellen!
Well, hell, she went to sleep.
Oh, Lord, Ellen.
What am I gonna do with you?
Seems like me and you
are always at each other.
I can understand it with
Eunice, but not with you.
You were always the
prettiest and the smartest.
You reminded me
so much of myself.
I guess that's why I
always loved you the best.
Just look at you lyin' there
so peaceful and sweet.
You've even got a
little smile on your face.
That's because I
wasn't asleep, Mama.
Why, you little sneak!
I heard everything you said.
Do you really love me best?
Just don't gloat, Ellen.
Best in this family
isn't all that much.
Bubba, would you
please make your move?
Aw, gee, I sure wish
"flznkbm" meant somethin'.
Lord, am I ever glad
to be back home.
Mama, how's Ellen?
She's got through it just fine.
Oh, thank goodness.
Now can you tell us what
kind of operation it was?
Well, I promised Ellen
I wouldn't talk about it.
Come on, Ms.
Harper. We're family.
Well... let me put it this way.
Remember how Ellen
always wanted to be
first in line for everything?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Now, she's bringin' up the rear.
would you hurry up?
Ms. Harper, in scrabble, it
pays to give a little thought.
Well, it's a good thing
'cause a little thought's
all you can muster.
Oh, yeah?
Well, check this out.
Hey, good, Skeeter! That
puts you ahead of Mama.
Just a minute.
What is that word?
Unapt.
"Unapt," that ain't a word!
- Is that a challenge?
- Ha ha.
And remember,
grandma, if she's right,
it'll cost you double points.
Now, hold on a minute.
I'll go find the dictionary.
I'll get it. Unapt.
Hi, Mama. I brought
you a little present.
Don't just sit there, Bubba.
Go and find the dictionary.
Mama, please.
Don't you think you've
carried this thing
just about far enough?
Bubba, would you shut that
door? I feel hot air blowin' in here.
- Hi, Aunt Ellen.
- Hello, Bubba.
Vint, Naomi...
mommy dearest.
Vinton, would you
please tell your sister
she should've had the courtesy
to call before comin' over.
You should've had the
courtesy to call before you...
How am I to talk
to her on the phone
when she's not speakin' to me.
Mama, how is she...
I'm sure she's got friends
in her hoity-toity
bridge club to speak to!
- Ellen, I'm sure you have...
- Oh, butt out, Vinton.
Mama, how many
times do I have to say
I am sorry I missed
Aunt Fran's funeral?
"Lots."
Mama, it was not my fault
that-that Aunt Fran's funeral
fell on the first day of
my bridge competition.
Bubba, how many Ls
are there in baloney?
Why don't I go make myself
a sandwich and find out?
Oh, wait, Bubba, before
you go in the kitchen,
let Mama open my
little peace offerin'.
It's gonna move
this family's kitchen
right into the 21st century!
Who's in there, Buck Rogers?
Oh, please open it, Ms. Harper!
- The suspense is killin' me!
- What suspense?
We know it's somethin' for the
kitchen. Probably pot-holders.
Well, what the...
What the hell is this?
It's La Processe!
You'd have done
better with pot-holders.
Whatever it is, you
can just take it back.
Mama, this is the finest French
food processor money can buy.
We don't eat French food!
We eat French fries.
Good Lord. Looks like you
could lose a limb in this thing.
Nonsense, Mama, I've never
so much as nicked myself
in all the years I've had it.
You mean you are
givin' me somethin' used?
Previously owned.
This is one slap in the
face too many, Ellen.
First, you miss Fran's funeral
for one of your poker games.
Now you try to make up for it
by stickin' me with one
of your old kitchen rejects!
It is in mint condition.
You were a selfish,
stingy, self-centered little girl
and you have gone
downhill ever since.
Mama, please, don't do this.
I came here tonight
with open arms.
Oh, yeah. Open arms
holdin' that used veg-o-matic!
Let's call a truce.
Who knows how much
more time we have together?
Can't you just enjoy
the time we have left?
Oh, put it in a Hallmark, Ellen!
I ain't dead yet. Whose
turn is it anyway?
Mama, is that all
you gotta say to me?
- No, I got a question.
- What is it?
Is "unapt" a word?
Yes.
It means foolish
or inappropriate
like my visit here tonight.
Whoo-wee! I knew
that was a word!
Double points! I got
you beat, Ms. Harper!
Don't count on it, Naomi.
Where Mama's
concerned, nobody wins.
And you can take this fancy
French blender with ya, missy!
I'll burn in hell before
I touch this thing.
Go ahead, Iola. Touch it.
I don't know, Thelma.
It seems so menacing.
Doesn't it? It's like havin'
a chain saw in the kitchen.
"How to live happily
"with your La Processe
Food Processor."
Well, I'm all for
a happier life.
"As you become familiar
with your La Processe,
"you'll discover it to be your
best friend in the kitchen."
I don't know. I'm awful
fond of my sponge.
"Important, to
avoid painful injury,
"you must always
follow these basic rules."
- Say what?
- It's all in French!
Well, darn Ellen and
her hand-me-downs!
All the English
pages are missin'!
Hey, grandma. What's shakin'?
Ellen's neck, if I ever
get my hands on it.
What's for dinner?
Sure as hell won't be anything
made in this French weed eater.
Mama. Mama, we
got some bad news.
Maybe you'd better
sit down, Ms. Harper.
Oh, my Lord. What is it?
- It's Ellen.
- Ellen?
Yeah. Kate Cheeseman just
came through my check stand.
She was at Saint
Ray Memorial Hospital
visitin' her daughter.
Never mind her daughter.
What about my daughter?
She had a 6-pound baby boy!
- Ellen?
- No. Kate Cheeseman's daughter.
Shut up about Kate Cheeseman!
Tell me what happened to Ellen!
Mama, Ellen is havin'
surgery first thing in the mornin'.
Ellen's havin'
surgery? Oh, my Lord!
Thelma, don't you worry about
a thing. I know she'll be fine.
But just in case, I'll run home
and give a call to Rev. Meechum.
Hope he's wearin' his beeper.
Oh, my Lord, my poor Ellen!
Maybe that's why she
came over last night.
She said we didn't have
much time left together
and I turned my back on her.
Hurry. Let's get on
over to Saint Ray's.
W-without dinner?
You're gonna be goin'
without a backside
if you don't get a move on!
Lord, hang on, Ellen.
Mama's on the way!
Dinnertime, Ms. Jackson.
Oh, thank goodness. I'm starved.
Uh, liquids only.
Tea, bouillon, and lime Jell-O.
I'll have it later
when I'm thirstier.
As you wish.
Would you like me to
move the phone closer
in case your family calls?
Oh, don't bother.
Thank goodness my
family doesn't know I'm here.
I'll be outta here in a day,
and they'll be none the wiser.
Ellen, are you in here?
I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson ain't
up to company right now.
We ain't company.
We're her family.
Vinton, Naomi, I found her!
Bubba, quit playin'
with that wheelchair
and get in here!
I'll be down the
hall if you need me.
All she needs is her Mama. You
go change a bedpan or somethin.'
We brought you
a few things, Ellen.
Well, now, you really
didn't need to do that.
Oh, look, flowers...
and weeds.
We were in a hurry. I just
scooped them up outta the yard.
I brought you some copies
of the "Reader's Digest."
Well, how nice.
March and June... 1974.
They were sittin' on the
back of the john collectin' dust.
I've read 'em both
dozens of times.
Alright, Naomi. Spare
us the book review.
Go ahead, Bubba.
Here, Aunt Ellen.
This candy is great.
Apparently, it was.
Do you always have to
make a pig outta yourself?
Well, I left her the nougats!
I can't tell you how much
your gifts mean to me.
We didn't have time for
shoppin' findin' out you were here
like we did at the last
minute from a total stranger.
I never did like Kate Cheeseman.
So, what's the matter
with you anyway, Ellen?
It's personal, Naomi.
Oh, female problems.
What is it, tests or somethin'?
Oh, no. No.
I got a second
opinion and he agrees
that the only
solution is surgery.
Oh, good Lord.
When I think of all
the family members
I've lost right here
in this very hospital...
Grandma Crowley, my
mother, Lord rest her soul,
Aunt Ina, Cousin
Seeley, and now Ellen.
Thank you for those
words of comfort, Mama.
I'm sorry. Visitin'
hours are over.
- It's time for company to go.
- Oh, what a shame.
- Good luck tomorrow, Ellen.
- Yeah.
- Have a good time.
- See you later!
Get on in here! We
ain't goin' anywhere!
We're gonna see
Ellen through this
no matter how long it takes.
Now, if I have to,
I will call security.
You can call the damn marines
if you want! We ain't budgin'.
- Mama, please.
- You are upsettin' her.
Well, of course, she's upset!
She's gonna go under
the knife in this slaphappy
butcher shop
you call a hospital!
You have any idea how
many members of my family
have been snuffed out by
the sorry doctors in this joint?
My Grandma Crowley, my
mother, Lord rest her soul...
Mama, please, don't-don't go
through the list again, Mama.
It's alright. They can stay.
In times of crisis,
there's nothin' like family.
Mama, do we have to stay?
Hospitals give me the creeps.
That is what families
are all about, Vinton,
doin' things that
make you miserable.
Well, then, I'll... I'll just
turn on the TV. Excuse me.
Excuse me, Ellen. Just
let me grab your clicker.
Let's see now.
I can't remember
who this month's
most unforgettable
character was.
Oh, yeah... the
kid with the hump.
Grandma, grandma, how
long are we gonna stay?
I'm supposed to go down to the
quarry with Dwayne and T-Boy.
Could you hand
me a glass of water?
Are you still hangin'
around with that crowd?
Well, it's not a crowd, grandma.
It's just Dwayne and T-Boy.
- Mama...
- That T-Boy is a bum.
Just like his daddy.
I don't care what you
say. I'm gonna see him!
- Mama...
- In a minute, Ellen!
Now you listen here, mister
till you're living with
me, you'll do it my way
or I'll tan your hide
till hell won't have it!
- Mama...
- For cryin' out loud, Ellen!
Here's your damn water!
Thank you, Mama.
That's alright, baby doll.
You think you got
problems, Ellen?
Wait till you read
about little Johnny here.
Hey, this thing's great. We
gotta get one of these babies.
Ellen, do you want
this lime Jell-O?
- Not anymore.
- Oh, great!
We left so suddenly, I
didn't get any supper.
- Is that soup?
- Mm-hmm.
Hey! I never get enough to eat.
If you weren't so busy
hangin' out with that gang,
you would know I prepare
a well-balanced dinner
every night! Give
me that damn candy!
It's not a gang, grandma!
It's just me and
Dwayne and T-Boy!
And what the hell kind of
a name is T-Boy anyway?
- Nurse.
- It's better than Thelma!
Hey, this thing even gets cable!
You're kiddin'!
Let me see, honey!
- Nurse!
- Vinton, turn that thing off.
Can't you see you're
upsetting Ellen?
Bubba, knock that off!
That's right, Ellen
always gets her way.
Never mind what
anybody else wants to do.
Yeah. What about our
pleasures, Ms. Harper?
- Yeah, really...
- Nurse!
- What is it, Ms. Jackson?
- Throw them out.
And post an armed
guard at my door.
If they so much as
peep around the corridor
tell him to shoot to kill.
Alright, now. Out!
Well, criminy. Is that
the thanks we get?
Yeah. Who stuck a
bur under her mattress?
She is so tense.
You all have got her so
worked up over this surgery.
Why don't I get you a sedative?
Make it a double.
You're right. It was
much too crowded in here.
I sent them all on home.
Mama, if you hurry, I
bet you can catch 'em.
And leave you here all alone?
Not on your life.
Don't you worry
about a thing, baby.
Mama's here for the night.
This will make
you go fast asleep.
I'll tell you, this Tricia Nixon
is the daughter every
mother dreams of havin'.
Do you have somethin'
to put her to sleep?
This is the
prettiest bed jacket.
Now, I've never
seen another like it.
Why, thank you.
I noticed that
bed jacket myself.
That's the one you
gave me for my birthday.
I remember all these frilly
gewgaws around the collar.
You also remember tellin' me
to take the gaudy thing back?
I told you to exchange
it for a better color.
I love that jacket. Never
seen another one like it.
You said it was gaudy.
You wouldn't wear it.
I said I wouldn't wear that
drab color. Neither should you.
Well, fine, Mama!
If I die tomorrow on
the operatin' table,
just be sure they
don't bury me in it.
Ellen...
I've been under a
terrible strain lately
with Frannie goin'
the way she did
and Bubba comin' the
way he did... and now this.
I guess I just am not the
same ol' happy-go-lucky mother
I used to be.
There's no reason for
me to take it out on you.
I know how much you
live for your bridge games.
I hate to think of the
terrible things I said
yesterday when I slammed
that door in your face.
No, Mama, you
slammed the door first
and then you said
the awful things.
Never mind the order! What
I'm tryin' to say is I'm sorry.
Now, don't try to change the
subject because you know...
What did you just say?
I'm sorry.
Mama, you never said
"I'm sorry" to me before.
Do you know what this means?
What?
It means we're not
fightin' anymore.
We're communicatin'.
You're sorry and I forgive you.
Well, okay. I forgive you too.
Mama.
Oh, isn't it wonderful?
We can finally be friends.
It's a shame your
bein' in the hospital
had to be the cause of it.
If that's what it takes
to get us back together
I don't mind riskin' surgery.
Oh, my brave little girl.
Just what kind of an
operation is it, baby?
I'd rather not talk about it.
Not even to your friend?
Well, alright, Mama.
I-I hope you'll just
keep it between us.
Just between friends.
I'm havin' a fanny tuck.
A what?
A fanny tuck.
You know, so my bottom
will stand at attention again.
Lately, all it could
muster was at ease.
I don't believe my ears.
I thought you were
havin' a serious operation.
I am goin' under
the knife, Mama.
Oh, yeah, to have a slice
taken off your fat fanny!
Is that how you
talk to a friend?
I wouldn't have a friend
who'd get her buns bobbed!
I wouldn't have to
if it weren't for you.
Where do you think I
inherited this caboose?
Don't you try to lay this
at my back porch, missy!
I have kept my figure!
Where, in a bass fiddle?
Knock, knock. How's
our patient feelin'?
- Visitin' hours are over, Iola.
- Oh, forgive me.
I had to do a little
somethin' to lift Ellen's spirits.
The last thing Ellen
needs is another lift.
- Thank you, Iola.
- I crocheted it myself.
Well, isn't this somethin'.
What is it?
Everybody always asks
that till they see it on.
Where's she
supposed to wear that?
She doesn't wear
it. It's for her IV.
It's a cheerful glucose cozy.
Good God!
Well, thanks for
droppin' by, Iola.
When Roselle Huplander
had surgery last October,
I made one for her
like a jack-o'-lantern.
Yeah, Ellen needs her rest now.
They couldn't tell when
she ran outta glucose.
By the time that nurse checked,
Roselle's jack-o'-lantern
was nearly bone-dry.
Uh-huh. Alright,
you drive safely.
That close call turned me off
to the seasonal cozy for good.
So long.
I swear that woman
gets loonier by the minute.
Of course, there seems to be
a lotta that goin' around, missy.
Ellen.
Ellen!
Well, hell, she went to sleep.
Oh, Lord, Ellen.
What am I gonna do with you?
Seems like me and you
are always at each other.
I can understand it with
Eunice, but not with you.
You were always the
prettiest and the smartest.
You reminded me
so much of myself.
I guess that's why I
always loved you the best.
Just look at you lyin' there
so peaceful and sweet.
You've even got a
little smile on your face.
That's because I
wasn't asleep, Mama.
Why, you little sneak!
I heard everything you said.
Do you really love me best?
Just don't gloat, Ellen.
Best in this family
isn't all that much.
Bubba, would you
please make your move?
Aw, gee, I sure wish
"flznkbm" meant somethin'.
Lord, am I ever glad
to be back home.
Mama, how's Ellen?
She's got through it just fine.
Oh, thank goodness.
Now can you tell us what
kind of operation it was?
Well, I promised Ellen
I wouldn't talk about it.
Come on, Ms.
Harper. We're family.
Well... let me put it this way.
Remember how Ellen
always wanted to be
first in line for everything?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Now, she's bringin' up the rear.