Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 2, Episode 2 - The Return of Leonard Oates - full transcript
Naomi's cheating 2nd husband, Leonard Oates returns to Raytown to try and win her back. He shows up at Food Circus (her workplace) with flowers in hand and telling her that he's rich now from breeding worms for fish bait. In the past Naomi has never been able to refuse Leonard because of his bold & charming ways. He wants her to leave Vinton (who doesn't realize what's going on yet) and re-marry him instead. She has a difficult decision to make but because of something Vinton says to her she's able to make her choice between the simple life or the rich man's wife.
- Hey, kids. How's it goin'?
- Hi.
Wait a minute now I've told you
this check stand
is 10 items or less.
Oh, well, I know that, I know.
I've got bread, milk, fruit,
meat, vegetables. Five items.
But you got six kinds
of vegetables here.
Each one counts as a item.
I've also got a loaf of bread.
You gonna count every slice?
The point is this
is the express lane.
Well, quit expressin'yourself
and start checkin'.
- Vint.
- Yo!
Honey, come on over here.
Pack up these groceries for me.
The sooner you
get them packed up
the sooner you can
get that bag home.
Grandma, can we get this? It
has Rod Stewart on the cover.
Well, this rag isn't
fit to wrap fish in.
Wait a minute. Lookie
here at Liz Taylor.
It says she may
tie the knot again.
Nice to see somebody's been
married more times than Naomi.
For the record, Vinton Harper
is only my third husband.
The first one didn't count
'cause Tommy Ray and I
were kids and didn't
know what we was doin'.
At least Tommy Ray didn't.
Now, I admit that I
made a big mistake
with my second
husband, Leonard Oates.
That silver-tongued devil, he
got me into so much trouble...
Naomi, I just came
in here for groceries
not to hear the untold
story of your pitiful life.
- Are you gonna buy that?
- I don't read this trash.
Well, then, put it down.
Total here is $36.44. Pay up.
40 bucks for 10 items or less?
That is highway robbery.
Vinton, pay her
before the prices go up.
Oh. Gee, I'm sorry, mama.
I had a lot of big
expenses this month.
Too bad none of them was rent.
Just give me a pen. I'll
write you out a check.
Ms. Harper, this
is the express lane.
I am forbidden to take
a check. It's cash only.
I have been tradin' with
this market since you were
knee high to that cash register.
You say my check's no good?
Oh, just forget it! I
will pay for it myself.
If that's the way
you wanna handle it
that's real nice of
you, sweetheart.
Kids, you wanna help your
daddy with these groceries?
- So long, Skeeter.
- Bye, darling.
Supper's gonna be early, so
you can give me my perm...
Oh, alright. alright!
It's gonna be the
highlight of my week.
Oh!
This is the deluxe
sampler. $12.95.
Oh, mister! You must
have one hot date.
Well, no, actually.
I was just hopin'
this might help me
make up with my wife.
Leonard Oates.
Boy, are you lookin' good,Naomi.
You let that hair grow.
Hair can do quite
a bit of growin'
in three years, Leonard.
Where'd you get that outfit,
you rob a bank or somethin'?
No, I didn't rob a bank,
but I could own me
a couple of banks if
I wanted to, Naomi.
I'm only worth $2.5 million.
Where'd you get
that kind of cash?
Worms.
- Worms?
- Worms.
You know, earthworms,
mealworms, night crawlers.
Started me a
mail-order bait business.
Next thing you know,
I'm sendin' worms
all over the United States.
You know what they call
me down in Tallahassee?
What?
"The Worm King."
Well, I guess it takes
one to breed one, Leonard.
What brings you back to Raytown?
Gonna start a franchise here?
Naomi... I have come
back, and I wanna give you
the life that I promised
you a long time ago.
I wanna take you
back to Florida with me.
Well, I'm afraid you're
a little late, Leonard.
I've married again.
- Oh... married. Well..
- That's right.
Don't look like he's doin'
too well by you, does it?
Why, because I'm
workin', you mean?
Oh, I don't have to do this. My
husband's a very wealthy man.
I just do this as a
kind of public service
to fill my idle time.
Oh, you know, when
you and I were together
we didn't have a lot
of idle time, did we?
Goodbye, Leonard.
I hope you have a
nice trip back to Florida.
Naomi, I'm not
goin' back to Florida.
Not till I get
what I came after.
I mean, let's face it.
You can't say no to me.
You never could.
For Pete sakes,
Naomi, do somethin'.
This solution's like to have
eaten through to my scalp.
Alright, I'm gonna rinse it off
just as soon as my angel
boy turns the water back on.
Ow!
I should've known better
than to trust my head
to a beauty-school dropout.
For your information,
I was head of my class
in permanent wave.
Why don't we go
to Miss Boyland's
and rinse out your hair?
Are you nuts? That woman
thinks I've got naturally curly hair.
Oh, I'll get it.
Now, be careful, Naomi.
It could be a wild man
with a gun to kill us all.
Alright.
Well, who was it?
Listen, behind this door is my
second husband, Leonard Oates
who came through
my check stand today
and he has become rich
and I told him we were, too
so get on out here
and act prosperous!
Leonard, what an
unexpected surprise.
I'm sorry to barge in
on you like this, Naomi
but I'm leavin' town tomorrow
and I just wanted to stop by
and say a... a proper goodbye.
How did you know where we lived?
Well, you know, a town
this size, money talks, Naomi.
I'm sorry I can't ask
you to stay, Leonard
but we was just on
our way to the opera.
I see.
May I present my lovin'
husband, Vinton Harper?
Honey, put the wrench down!
These are my stepchildren,
Buzz and Sonia.
'This is our Aunt Fran'
'and this is Vinton's
mama, Mrs. Harper.'
- Uh... I'm Leonard.
- Vint.
Quite a family you've
acquired here, Naomi.
Well, enough of this chitchat.
Just what is it you're sellin'?
Uh, I beg your pardon?
I have watched The
Days Of Our Lives
long enough to know
that ex-husbands
don't show up at the door
unless they're after somethin'.
Now, I don't know what
lies Naomi's been feedin' you
but if it's money you're
after, you hit a dry well.
Well, Ms. Harper, I'm
here for one reason, ma'am
and that's to see if
Naomi is really happy.
If you were so all-fired
worried about her happiness
why'd you skip out on her?
You got any idea what it's like
to live with a broken heart?
Naomi's with me now. She
doesn't have a broken heart.
No, but I do!
Leonard, as you can
see, I'm very happy.
If you'll excuse
us, we'd like to...
Naomi, if you don't
mind, I brought a gift
that I'd like to
leave with the family.
Young fellow, would you come
here and help me with this?
Sure.
Oh. Go ahead, Buzz. Go on.
Hey, it's a video game, with
a whole slew of cartridges!
They even got
"Asteroid's Revenge!"
"Asteroid's Revenge?"
That's my favorite!
Oh, wow! Check it out, dad.
Thank you, Leonard, but we
can't accept this, can we, Vinton?
- Vinton, can we?
- Huh?
- I say we can't keep this.
- Oh!
Oh. No, I guess it
wouldn't be right.
Vint, if you'll allow me
a few moments alone
with your lovely wife, I bet I
can make her change her mind.
Last one in the
kitchen's a rotten egg!
Come on.
Nobody wants to be a rotten egg.
That's right.
Oh. Uh, well, come on.
Thelma, let's just go in there
and finish up those dishes.
Thelma!
Where'd you get that jacket?
Was Sittin' Bull
havin' a garage sale?
Naomi... why
are you fightin' it?
You know you and I were
meant for each other, honey.
You know I'm gonna give
you the kind of happiness
you're never gonna
find with that bozo.
Take your hands off me,
Leonard, or I'm gonna scream.
Scream.
Don't do this to me, Leonard.
My plane leaves at
1 o'clock tomorrow.
Why don't you meet me at the Jigger, say...
- 00 noon?
I won't be there.
12:00 noon.
Naomi, my head is on fire.
Are you gonna
take this perm down
or I just let it eat
through to my brain?
Oh, good morning, Naomi.
Hmm. My, you look pensive.
No, just thinkin'.
Oh, Frannie, I'm a
nervous wreck this mornin'.
You know, it's probably
all that coffee you drink.
All that caffeine is just a
nervous shock to your system.
That's why I myself
never touch it.
No, this is more than
just a caffeine buzz.
Fran, I have a terrible problem
and I need to talk
to somebody about it.
Oh.
Frannie, can you keep a secret?
No! I never could.
I tell everything I know.
Telephone, telegraph, tell Fran.
So if there's somethin'
you don't want repeated
you better do us both
a big favor, Naomi
and don't tell me.
Just keep it to yourself.
Okay.
Oh, heck. I guess I could
make an exception just this once.
Fran, have you ever met a
man who swept you off your feet
and made you go
so weak in the knees
that you could no longer
tell right from wrong?
I need some coffee.
I'm talkin' about
the kind of man who
no matter how hard you
try, you cannot say no to?
Naomi... could you possibly
be referring to your Mr. Oates?
Leonard Oates
came all the way here
from Tallahassee, Florida, to
take me back with him, Fran.
He's waitin' for me at the
Jigger right this minute.
But, Naomi, what could
Leonard possibly offer you
other than indulgences
of the flesh?
Two and one
half million dollars.
I see your dilemma.
It's not that I
don't love Vinton
it's just that whenever
Leonard's around me
Vinton kind of slips my mind.
Well, Naomi, as I see
it, it all boils down to this.
No matter what decision you make
you have got to
live with yourself.
Naomi, I would like to
have a word with you!
I'm afraid I may have left
the solution on a little long.
A little long? You've turned
me into a human Q-tip!
Well, that's
alright, Ms. Harper.
Run on up and
get the pink rollers.
- That'll take the kinks out.
- You better get a move on.
I'm supposed to
be at that luncheon.
Okay, get your rollers.
Thelma! It doesn't
look that different.
I don't think anybody
will even notice.
Good mornin', everybody!
Notice anything different?
If you're talkin'
about your hair, no.
It's a shame that
the Marx Brothers
ain't around anymore.
Shoot, I could be Mom-O.
Well, if you ladies
will excuse me
I'm on my way to
Asteroids Revenge.
- No, you're not, Vinton.
- Why?
I packed it, it has to go back.
How come?
Because it's not
right for us to keep it.
It's just a toy! It's not
gonna hurt anybody!
Vinton, don't you know, there's
no such thing as a free lunch?
Honey, are you so
blind that you cannot see
what that man is tryin' to do?
I need some more coffee.
Sure. Sure, I know
what he's up to.
He's tryin' to make
up for the bad way
he treated you when
you were married.
He realizes what a
good thing he lost.
And what a good thing I got.
But, honey, Leonard's
comin' back here
has put a very big
question in my mind
and I don't know
what the answer is.
Well, I do. It's simple.
- It is?
- Sure!
I say... there is no harm
in keepin' the game.
There! Question answered.
Anybody for Asteroids Revenge?
- Frannie?
- What? Oh.
I'm goin' to the Jigger.
I don't want to know that!
Alright, Naomi,
Let's shake a leg.
Naomi!
Well, where in the
world did that girl go?
What girl?
Frannie, are you keepin'
somethin' from me?
- Why, No. I-I...
- You are!
You know you
can't keep a secret.
Telephone, telegraph, tell Fran.
That's not true.
Frances Crowley,
you look me in the eye.
Don't be ridiculous.
In the eye, Frannie!
She's at the Bigger Jigger. Oh.
The Bigger Jigger!
She went off on a toot and
left me lookin' like a frizzpot?
Vinton, you're takin' me over
to the Jigger to get my hair set!
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
Leonard.
Ahh, see, I knew you'd come.
Bartender!
Bartender, beer for my
wife right over here, please.
Ohh. Naomi, I cannot
be blamed for my actions.
I begged you not to tell me.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we
practice to deceive.
- Spit it out, Fran.
- It's hit the fan, Naomi.
Thelma and Vint are
on their way over here.
Thelma and Vint are here.
What are you doin' here?
Where? Oh. Here?
Oh, I thought it would..
M-might be a good place to..
Uh, excuse me. To meet, I mean..
Maybe it might be a good place..
Oh, excuse me. To
make new acquaintances.
Hello there. How are you?
Well, what have we got
here, a little goin' away party?
I'll get the beer nuts.
I'd like to know why
you left me holdin'
a sack of pink
rollers to come here
and play footsie
with your ex-husband.
I'm gonna give you
the straight goods.
Now, just sit down here
and stop makin' such a scene!
Now, Ms. Harper, I know what
you have always thought of me.
I know that you've thought
I was no better than trash
ever since I married your son.
That is not true. I thought that
long before you married him.
Be that as it may what I'm
tryin' to tell you now is I...
Naomi, you could roll my hair
while you're spillin' your guts.
Oh, alright.
What I was tryin'...
Are you gonna set
my hair with beer?
I'm gonna set this hair on fire
you don't quit
interruptin' me here!
Now, as I was sayin',
I know that you all
are probably very
upset because you think
that I have come down here today
to run off with Leonard Oates.
Oh, now, Skeeter,
nobody thinks that.
I do.
That's because I could never
refuse you nothin', Leonard.
Anytime, anyplace,
anywhere, any shape, any...
Good Lord, do I have to sit
here and listen to this smut?
That is, until today.
I'm not goin' anywhere
with you, Leonard.
Uh, Naomi, listen. Listen to me.
I am offering you a
life of luxury, honey.
"The Worm Queen Of Tallahassee."
How are you gonna
turn that down?
I'd kind of like to hear
the answer to that myself.
- It was because of you, honey.
- Me?
Yeah, most guys would
have been real upset
if their wives' ex-husbands
had come back rich
and started offerin'
her the moon.
Most guys would have thought
that they was up to no good.
Yeah.
But you trusted me.
And that's somethin' that
nobody else has ever done before.
Then I realized
that it would never
even occur to you to leave me.
And if that's not love, Vinton.
I don't know what is.
Isn't that beautiful?
I was at their wedding.
Would you get your fingers
outta his hair and back into mine?
Naomi... may I wish
you a lot of luck, honey?
'Cause if you crazy enough
to hang out with these yo-yos.
You're gonna need it.
Now, you hold on just a minute
you worm wrangler.
Naomi may have a checkered past
she may have had more
than her share of boyfriends.
Lord, we know she was a bimbo..
But she happens to be somethin'
that she's never been
before and that's a Harper.
And there ain't nobody
gonna insult a Harper
not as long as I'm alive.
Thank you, Ms. Harper.
Looks like the best man won.
Thank you.
No, not you. Her.
Naomi, I want to
tell you somethin'.
Honey, he's
goofy... she's crazy..
I'm gone.
Thank you, Ms.. Mama.
Oh, well, good Lord.
Well, come on,
Skeeter. Let's go home.
Looks like we're all still
one big happy family.
Come on, come on, come on.
It was delightful to have
made your acquaintance, Bruno.
Wow! You sure blasted the
daylights out of that meteor.
That was easy, honey.
I just made believe
he was Leonard Oates.
That's not fair.
Our little, green
spaceships were there first.
'Face it, Thelma, we
just weren't cut out'
'for intergalactic combat.'
'Well, I think the force
is with me, Frannie.'
'Hang on to your asteroids!'
- Hi.
Wait a minute now I've told you
this check stand
is 10 items or less.
Oh, well, I know that, I know.
I've got bread, milk, fruit,
meat, vegetables. Five items.
But you got six kinds
of vegetables here.
Each one counts as a item.
I've also got a loaf of bread.
You gonna count every slice?
The point is this
is the express lane.
Well, quit expressin'yourself
and start checkin'.
- Vint.
- Yo!
Honey, come on over here.
Pack up these groceries for me.
The sooner you
get them packed up
the sooner you can
get that bag home.
Grandma, can we get this? It
has Rod Stewart on the cover.
Well, this rag isn't
fit to wrap fish in.
Wait a minute. Lookie
here at Liz Taylor.
It says she may
tie the knot again.
Nice to see somebody's been
married more times than Naomi.
For the record, Vinton Harper
is only my third husband.
The first one didn't count
'cause Tommy Ray and I
were kids and didn't
know what we was doin'.
At least Tommy Ray didn't.
Now, I admit that I
made a big mistake
with my second
husband, Leonard Oates.
That silver-tongued devil, he
got me into so much trouble...
Naomi, I just came
in here for groceries
not to hear the untold
story of your pitiful life.
- Are you gonna buy that?
- I don't read this trash.
Well, then, put it down.
Total here is $36.44. Pay up.
40 bucks for 10 items or less?
That is highway robbery.
Vinton, pay her
before the prices go up.
Oh. Gee, I'm sorry, mama.
I had a lot of big
expenses this month.
Too bad none of them was rent.
Just give me a pen. I'll
write you out a check.
Ms. Harper, this
is the express lane.
I am forbidden to take
a check. It's cash only.
I have been tradin' with
this market since you were
knee high to that cash register.
You say my check's no good?
Oh, just forget it! I
will pay for it myself.
If that's the way
you wanna handle it
that's real nice of
you, sweetheart.
Kids, you wanna help your
daddy with these groceries?
- So long, Skeeter.
- Bye, darling.
Supper's gonna be early, so
you can give me my perm...
Oh, alright. alright!
It's gonna be the
highlight of my week.
Oh!
This is the deluxe
sampler. $12.95.
Oh, mister! You must
have one hot date.
Well, no, actually.
I was just hopin'
this might help me
make up with my wife.
Leonard Oates.
Boy, are you lookin' good,Naomi.
You let that hair grow.
Hair can do quite
a bit of growin'
in three years, Leonard.
Where'd you get that outfit,
you rob a bank or somethin'?
No, I didn't rob a bank,
but I could own me
a couple of banks if
I wanted to, Naomi.
I'm only worth $2.5 million.
Where'd you get
that kind of cash?
Worms.
- Worms?
- Worms.
You know, earthworms,
mealworms, night crawlers.
Started me a
mail-order bait business.
Next thing you know,
I'm sendin' worms
all over the United States.
You know what they call
me down in Tallahassee?
What?
"The Worm King."
Well, I guess it takes
one to breed one, Leonard.
What brings you back to Raytown?
Gonna start a franchise here?
Naomi... I have come
back, and I wanna give you
the life that I promised
you a long time ago.
I wanna take you
back to Florida with me.
Well, I'm afraid you're
a little late, Leonard.
I've married again.
- Oh... married. Well..
- That's right.
Don't look like he's doin'
too well by you, does it?
Why, because I'm
workin', you mean?
Oh, I don't have to do this. My
husband's a very wealthy man.
I just do this as a
kind of public service
to fill my idle time.
Oh, you know, when
you and I were together
we didn't have a lot
of idle time, did we?
Goodbye, Leonard.
I hope you have a
nice trip back to Florida.
Naomi, I'm not
goin' back to Florida.
Not till I get
what I came after.
I mean, let's face it.
You can't say no to me.
You never could.
For Pete sakes,
Naomi, do somethin'.
This solution's like to have
eaten through to my scalp.
Alright, I'm gonna rinse it off
just as soon as my angel
boy turns the water back on.
Ow!
I should've known better
than to trust my head
to a beauty-school dropout.
For your information,
I was head of my class
in permanent wave.
Why don't we go
to Miss Boyland's
and rinse out your hair?
Are you nuts? That woman
thinks I've got naturally curly hair.
Oh, I'll get it.
Now, be careful, Naomi.
It could be a wild man
with a gun to kill us all.
Alright.
Well, who was it?
Listen, behind this door is my
second husband, Leonard Oates
who came through
my check stand today
and he has become rich
and I told him we were, too
so get on out here
and act prosperous!
Leonard, what an
unexpected surprise.
I'm sorry to barge in
on you like this, Naomi
but I'm leavin' town tomorrow
and I just wanted to stop by
and say a... a proper goodbye.
How did you know where we lived?
Well, you know, a town
this size, money talks, Naomi.
I'm sorry I can't ask
you to stay, Leonard
but we was just on
our way to the opera.
I see.
May I present my lovin'
husband, Vinton Harper?
Honey, put the wrench down!
These are my stepchildren,
Buzz and Sonia.
'This is our Aunt Fran'
'and this is Vinton's
mama, Mrs. Harper.'
- Uh... I'm Leonard.
- Vint.
Quite a family you've
acquired here, Naomi.
Well, enough of this chitchat.
Just what is it you're sellin'?
Uh, I beg your pardon?
I have watched The
Days Of Our Lives
long enough to know
that ex-husbands
don't show up at the door
unless they're after somethin'.
Now, I don't know what
lies Naomi's been feedin' you
but if it's money you're
after, you hit a dry well.
Well, Ms. Harper, I'm
here for one reason, ma'am
and that's to see if
Naomi is really happy.
If you were so all-fired
worried about her happiness
why'd you skip out on her?
You got any idea what it's like
to live with a broken heart?
Naomi's with me now. She
doesn't have a broken heart.
No, but I do!
Leonard, as you can
see, I'm very happy.
If you'll excuse
us, we'd like to...
Naomi, if you don't
mind, I brought a gift
that I'd like to
leave with the family.
Young fellow, would you come
here and help me with this?
Sure.
Oh. Go ahead, Buzz. Go on.
Hey, it's a video game, with
a whole slew of cartridges!
They even got
"Asteroid's Revenge!"
"Asteroid's Revenge?"
That's my favorite!
Oh, wow! Check it out, dad.
Thank you, Leonard, but we
can't accept this, can we, Vinton?
- Vinton, can we?
- Huh?
- I say we can't keep this.
- Oh!
Oh. No, I guess it
wouldn't be right.
Vint, if you'll allow me
a few moments alone
with your lovely wife, I bet I
can make her change her mind.
Last one in the
kitchen's a rotten egg!
Come on.
Nobody wants to be a rotten egg.
That's right.
Oh. Uh, well, come on.
Thelma, let's just go in there
and finish up those dishes.
Thelma!
Where'd you get that jacket?
Was Sittin' Bull
havin' a garage sale?
Naomi... why
are you fightin' it?
You know you and I were
meant for each other, honey.
You know I'm gonna give
you the kind of happiness
you're never gonna
find with that bozo.
Take your hands off me,
Leonard, or I'm gonna scream.
Scream.
Don't do this to me, Leonard.
My plane leaves at
1 o'clock tomorrow.
Why don't you meet me at the Jigger, say...
- 00 noon?
I won't be there.
12:00 noon.
Naomi, my head is on fire.
Are you gonna
take this perm down
or I just let it eat
through to my brain?
Oh, good morning, Naomi.
Hmm. My, you look pensive.
No, just thinkin'.
Oh, Frannie, I'm a
nervous wreck this mornin'.
You know, it's probably
all that coffee you drink.
All that caffeine is just a
nervous shock to your system.
That's why I myself
never touch it.
No, this is more than
just a caffeine buzz.
Fran, I have a terrible problem
and I need to talk
to somebody about it.
Oh.
Frannie, can you keep a secret?
No! I never could.
I tell everything I know.
Telephone, telegraph, tell Fran.
So if there's somethin'
you don't want repeated
you better do us both
a big favor, Naomi
and don't tell me.
Just keep it to yourself.
Okay.
Oh, heck. I guess I could
make an exception just this once.
Fran, have you ever met a
man who swept you off your feet
and made you go
so weak in the knees
that you could no longer
tell right from wrong?
I need some coffee.
I'm talkin' about
the kind of man who
no matter how hard you
try, you cannot say no to?
Naomi... could you possibly
be referring to your Mr. Oates?
Leonard Oates
came all the way here
from Tallahassee, Florida, to
take me back with him, Fran.
He's waitin' for me at the
Jigger right this minute.
But, Naomi, what could
Leonard possibly offer you
other than indulgences
of the flesh?
Two and one
half million dollars.
I see your dilemma.
It's not that I
don't love Vinton
it's just that whenever
Leonard's around me
Vinton kind of slips my mind.
Well, Naomi, as I see
it, it all boils down to this.
No matter what decision you make
you have got to
live with yourself.
Naomi, I would like to
have a word with you!
I'm afraid I may have left
the solution on a little long.
A little long? You've turned
me into a human Q-tip!
Well, that's
alright, Ms. Harper.
Run on up and
get the pink rollers.
- That'll take the kinks out.
- You better get a move on.
I'm supposed to
be at that luncheon.
Okay, get your rollers.
Thelma! It doesn't
look that different.
I don't think anybody
will even notice.
Good mornin', everybody!
Notice anything different?
If you're talkin'
about your hair, no.
It's a shame that
the Marx Brothers
ain't around anymore.
Shoot, I could be Mom-O.
Well, if you ladies
will excuse me
I'm on my way to
Asteroids Revenge.
- No, you're not, Vinton.
- Why?
I packed it, it has to go back.
How come?
Because it's not
right for us to keep it.
It's just a toy! It's not
gonna hurt anybody!
Vinton, don't you know, there's
no such thing as a free lunch?
Honey, are you so
blind that you cannot see
what that man is tryin' to do?
I need some more coffee.
Sure. Sure, I know
what he's up to.
He's tryin' to make
up for the bad way
he treated you when
you were married.
He realizes what a
good thing he lost.
And what a good thing I got.
But, honey, Leonard's
comin' back here
has put a very big
question in my mind
and I don't know
what the answer is.
Well, I do. It's simple.
- It is?
- Sure!
I say... there is no harm
in keepin' the game.
There! Question answered.
Anybody for Asteroids Revenge?
- Frannie?
- What? Oh.
I'm goin' to the Jigger.
I don't want to know that!
Alright, Naomi,
Let's shake a leg.
Naomi!
Well, where in the
world did that girl go?
What girl?
Frannie, are you keepin'
somethin' from me?
- Why, No. I-I...
- You are!
You know you
can't keep a secret.
Telephone, telegraph, tell Fran.
That's not true.
Frances Crowley,
you look me in the eye.
Don't be ridiculous.
In the eye, Frannie!
She's at the Bigger Jigger. Oh.
The Bigger Jigger!
She went off on a toot and
left me lookin' like a frizzpot?
Vinton, you're takin' me over
to the Jigger to get my hair set!
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
Leonard.
Ahh, see, I knew you'd come.
Bartender!
Bartender, beer for my
wife right over here, please.
Ohh. Naomi, I cannot
be blamed for my actions.
I begged you not to tell me.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we
practice to deceive.
- Spit it out, Fran.
- It's hit the fan, Naomi.
Thelma and Vint are
on their way over here.
Thelma and Vint are here.
What are you doin' here?
Where? Oh. Here?
Oh, I thought it would..
M-might be a good place to..
Uh, excuse me. To meet, I mean..
Maybe it might be a good place..
Oh, excuse me. To
make new acquaintances.
Hello there. How are you?
Well, what have we got
here, a little goin' away party?
I'll get the beer nuts.
I'd like to know why
you left me holdin'
a sack of pink
rollers to come here
and play footsie
with your ex-husband.
I'm gonna give you
the straight goods.
Now, just sit down here
and stop makin' such a scene!
Now, Ms. Harper, I know what
you have always thought of me.
I know that you've thought
I was no better than trash
ever since I married your son.
That is not true. I thought that
long before you married him.
Be that as it may what I'm
tryin' to tell you now is I...
Naomi, you could roll my hair
while you're spillin' your guts.
Oh, alright.
What I was tryin'...
Are you gonna set
my hair with beer?
I'm gonna set this hair on fire
you don't quit
interruptin' me here!
Now, as I was sayin',
I know that you all
are probably very
upset because you think
that I have come down here today
to run off with Leonard Oates.
Oh, now, Skeeter,
nobody thinks that.
I do.
That's because I could never
refuse you nothin', Leonard.
Anytime, anyplace,
anywhere, any shape, any...
Good Lord, do I have to sit
here and listen to this smut?
That is, until today.
I'm not goin' anywhere
with you, Leonard.
Uh, Naomi, listen. Listen to me.
I am offering you a
life of luxury, honey.
"The Worm Queen Of Tallahassee."
How are you gonna
turn that down?
I'd kind of like to hear
the answer to that myself.
- It was because of you, honey.
- Me?
Yeah, most guys would
have been real upset
if their wives' ex-husbands
had come back rich
and started offerin'
her the moon.
Most guys would have thought
that they was up to no good.
Yeah.
But you trusted me.
And that's somethin' that
nobody else has ever done before.
Then I realized
that it would never
even occur to you to leave me.
And if that's not love, Vinton.
I don't know what is.
Isn't that beautiful?
I was at their wedding.
Would you get your fingers
outta his hair and back into mine?
Naomi... may I wish
you a lot of luck, honey?
'Cause if you crazy enough
to hang out with these yo-yos.
You're gonna need it.
Now, you hold on just a minute
you worm wrangler.
Naomi may have a checkered past
she may have had more
than her share of boyfriends.
Lord, we know she was a bimbo..
But she happens to be somethin'
that she's never been
before and that's a Harper.
And there ain't nobody
gonna insult a Harper
not as long as I'm alive.
Thank you, Ms. Harper.
Looks like the best man won.
Thank you.
No, not you. Her.
Naomi, I want to
tell you somethin'.
Honey, he's
goofy... she's crazy..
I'm gone.
Thank you, Ms.. Mama.
Oh, well, good Lord.
Well, come on,
Skeeter. Let's go home.
Looks like we're all still
one big happy family.
Come on, come on, come on.
It was delightful to have
made your acquaintance, Bruno.
Wow! You sure blasted the
daylights out of that meteor.
That was easy, honey.
I just made believe
he was Leonard Oates.
That's not fair.
Our little, green
spaceships were there first.
'Face it, Thelma, we
just weren't cut out'
'for intergalactic combat.'
'Well, I think the force
is with me, Frannie.'
'Hang on to your asteroids!'