Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 2, Episode 16 - Mama for Mayor: Part 1 - full transcript
This part 1 of,one of the funniest episodes of the NBC run. Thelma and others are becoming fed-up with the way Tutwiller is doing very little as the Mayor of Raytown. Her daughter Ellen is dating him and wants Mama to keep her opinions to herself. Things come to a hilarious finish at the end of this part when Thelma,who has stated she couldn't do much worse,is asked by a reporter on her front lawn,"Are you running for Mayor Mrs. Harper". Ellen buts in saying she's not but Thelma not liking being spoken for says,"The h*** I'm not,into the camera.
[theme music]
[music continues]
- Testing, one, two, three.
- Yeah, yeah.
Testing, one, two,
three. Testing...
Vinton, what in
thunder's name is it
that you're trying to do here?
Mama, I am settin'
up the PA system.
When the mayor of Raytown
comes to the Harper home
I wanna make sure
his message is heard.
Testing, one, two, three.
- Vin...
- Testing.
Testing, one, two, three, te...
My Senior Citizens Club
has heard it all before.
- Lord.
- How did you do that?
For heaven's sake, will
you get up off your fanny
and start foldin' up these
chairs like I told you to?
Ma, would you...
Ellen, I swear I don't
know why I let you talk me
into throwin' Mayor Tutwiller's
press conference here.
Because you are the best
mama in the whole world.
And because I
am footin' the bill
for all the hors d'oeuvres.
Well, who is gonna pay for
all the aggravation that I suffer
from havin' all these
people in my home?
Not to mention the wear
and tear on my carpet.
And for what?
Just so you can score points
with that phony-baloney
boyfriend of yours.
[chuckles] Oh, mama, I don't
have to resort to hors d'oeuvres
to score points
with Mayor Tutwiller.
[Ellen laughs]
Then why are you forcin' me
to throw this wingding here?
Because he wants to be
re-elected mayor of Raytown.
He is runnin' unopposed again.
All the man has to do is
to learn how to make an X
vote for himself
and he's a shoo-in.
But, mama, if Tutty
can possibly show that...
Tutty?
I mean, if, if Mayor
Tutwiller can show
that he can get a
good voter turnout
it will help him in his
campaign for governor.
I knew it, you are just
hangin' around with this guy
because you are connivin' to
be the First Lady of the State.
It worked for Nancy Reagan.
Politics is just
like cleanin' fish.
Doesn't matter how good
a job you do, it still stinks.
One, two, three,
test... testing!
One, two, three,
testing. One, two...
How did you do that?
Will you sit down and quit
makin' a fool of yourself?
♪♪ Moonlight becomes
you it goes with your... ♪♪
- Jackass.
- Well, how did you...
He's here! The mayor is here!
- Oh, Mayor Tutwiller.
- Oh, Ellen, how are...
Oh, we are so
happy you are here.
Well, thank you.
You remember my
mama, Mrs. Harper.
Miss Harper, thank you
so much for inviting me.
Yeah, well, let's get
this show on the road.
The sooner we get a move on,
the sooner we can all go home.
- Yeah, well...
- Everybody, take your seats.
Is, uh, is-is all
the press here?
We most assuredly are.
It is quite an
honor, Your Honor.
Thank you. Hello, Vint.
Mr. Mayor, come right over here
and just, just speak
into the microphone.
That I usually do.
Well, good afternoon,
a special good afternoon
to the gracious members
of the Harper family.
How did you do that?
And I wanna wel-welcome
the, uh, members
of the Senior
Citizens Social Club.
Leave it alone, Vint.
I'm here today on a
very important mission...
So am I. I'm gonna
go in the kitchen
and check on my cheese puffs.
[chuckles] Isn't she adorable?
I've asked for this
moment with you here
in order to pledge my support
to our more mature citizens.
Forget the pretty
words, Tutwiller!
Are you going to
do anything for us?
[indistinct chatter]
Well, of course, I'm
gonna do something for ya.
I'm not the type of
politician that sits around
in a comfortable office
with his hands in his pockets.
Yeah, just as long as he keeps
his hands out of our pockets.
Hey, throw some
back here, grandma.
(Tutwiller) Well, I've-I've-I've
done much already.
I-I've improved
transportation in Raytown.
That's absolutely true.
He just bought himself
a brand-new Cadillac.
Cheese puff, mama?
Uh, Mr. Mayor, it sounds
like some of the senior citizens
aren't very happy with
your administration.
Well, you know, there
are always agitators
that don't know anything
about government.
Oh, you talkin'
about me, Tutwiller?
Well, I will not stand by
and see my record slandered.
You ain't got a record.
You name one thing
that you have done
for us senior citizens.
Have you provided
discount meals?
Well, well, all of
this takes time!
Lower cost housing?
Well, well, it takes time!
- Lower healthcare?
- Well, it takes time!
Well, wind your
watch, Tutwiller.
Us golden oldies ain't
got that much time.
Miss Harper, you
just don't understand
the exigencies of government.
Change can only be affected
within the limits of
a balanced budget.
Well, what is the big deal here?
I have been balancin'
budgets my entire life
and I've always managed
to have enough left over
to keep my house lookin'
like a regular showplace.
Tell it like it is, Thelma!
- Right.
- Right.
You armchair quarterbacks think
you have all the
answers, don't you?
If I'd have fumbled a ball
as many times as you have
I'd have hung up my
number years ago.
Well, if you think you
can do a better job
I suggest you run for mayor!
Well, I couldn't do any worse!
[all cheering]
Are the papers out there, Naomi?
- Yes, they are.
- Oh.
- Could I see the "Bugle," dear?
- Uh-huh.
- Thank you.
- Ah, well, look at this.
Mama and the mayor
on the front page
of "The Courier!"
Hey, there she is.
That's grandma, alright.
"Angry grandmother stands
up to lackluster politician."
"Thelma Harper may have
started a grassroots movement
"on behalf of
Raytown senior citizens
"by challenging
Mayor Tutwiller!"
Well, this is the biggest
thing to hit Raytown in years.
Hey, is your story in
the "Bugle," Aunt Fran?
- Well, yes, of course, it is.
- It's not on the front page.
- No, it isn't.
- Why not?
Well, it seems I have
been slightly edited.
They have taken out
my insightful references
to the Lincoln-Douglas debates
as well as my cogent comparison
of Thelma to Eleanor Roosevelt.
What did they leave in?
Thelma's recipe
for cheese puffs.
Oh, Miss Harper, come
quick! Look, you're a celebrity!
- Look at that.
- What? Well, good Lord.
That's the last time
I wear that dress.
Makes me look
like I've got no waist.
- But you're a hero, mama.
- Oh, I ain't a hero.
Just a old woman
with a short fuse.
[people cheering]
Oh.
Well, come quick, everybody.
There's people
all over the lawn!
(Vinton) What? Wha...
(Naomi) Yes, look.
[gasps]
(Thelma) What in the wo...
Well, I don't know
who all these people are
but they're tramplin'
all over my flowers
and I just planted
'em last week.
This is Richard Garner,
Ray Witness News.
I'm standing here outside
the home of Thelma Harper.
(Thelma) Get off of my yard!
Get out of my
begonias, you big ape!
Move it! Get off the flowers!
As you can see,
this is a normal house
much like yours and mine.
Yet within these walls
began a revolution
that may well topple
Raytown's political machine.
Just what in the world
are you talkin' about?
- Who are you talkin' to?
- Here she is.
The dark horse
herself, Thelma Harper.
You're on television right now.
Well, good Lord.
Are you indeed going to
run for mayor, Mrs. Harper?
Well, I've never heard
such a bunch of horse pucky.
I could never be a
politician. I'm too honest.
That's just the sort
of homespun wisdom
that's making Thelma
Harper a real threat
to Mayor Tutwiller.
Well, I just say
what's on my mind.
He could do the same
thing if he had a mind.
Ellen, get that car
off of my grass...
There has been a mistake!
There has been a mistake!
My mother is not runnin'!
We have a perfectly fine man
who serves this
community tirelessly.
Now, you just take
your cameras and leave.
Now, go away!
Now, you-you are
only confusing her.
Can't you see she
is old and feeble?
What? Now hold on
just a darn minute here.
Well, how could she be mayor?
She hardly knows where she is.
You are home now, mama.
This is your front porch.
Now, let us go in and
have a nice cup of cocoa.
You'll have to
forgive my daughter.
She's been hangin' around
with Mayor Tutwiller so long
she thinks everybody's
feebleminded.
As you can see, Thelma Harper
is a feisty and
formidable opponent.
- Oh, shut up!
- You let that man talk!
She hasn't declared her
candidacy, but Thelma Harper...
My mother is not runnin'!
The hell I ain't!
[all cheering]
I don't know how
this all got started.
I don't know anything
about politics.
I don't know why
I'm runnin' for mayor.
[telephone ringing]
I don't wanna talk
to anybody else
on the telephone.
Thelma Harper residence.
This is her granddaughter
Sonja speaking.
Really? Well, which channel?
Thanks.
Grandma's on
national television!
Buzz, put on 4.
Turn on Channel 4.
And this is the Harper family
in front of their
Raytown residence.
(Sonja) Hey, we're on TV!
Buzz, you look like a geek.
I suppose you're
Brooke Shields, huh?
Quiet, kids. Let's hear this.
Our country would
be in a better state
if more people confronted
the political
machinery of our times
and ran for office with
the sincere enthusiasm
and conviction of this
dear woman in Raytown.
- Oh, can I have your autograph?
- Oh, go on.
We wish Thelma Harper
well in her campaign
because she is a symbol
of the American people
crying out to be heard.
And that's the
way it seems to be.
Goodnight.
Well, I think that
was very moving.
Bless his heart.
That dear man has
made up my mind for me.
If we're gonna do this
thing, we're gonna do it right!
- Alright!
- Here's what we're gonna do.
Naomi, you're gonna
be my road manager.
Road manager. Oh, I
love that, Miss Harper.
- What do I do?
- Drive.
- Grandma, we wanna help too.
- Yeah.
Oh, everybody's gonna
get to pitch in. Let's see.
You kids can be in charge of
buttons and flyers and posters.
Uh, what about my job, mama?
Well, Vinton, you
can be my bodyguard.
Bodyguard? Heh.
Well, who would I possibly
have to protect you from?
Your sister Ellen.
Let's see. Frannie, what
am I gonna do with you?
Well, actually, Thelma,
I'm way ahead of you.
I have already begun my work.
I have written your
campaign song.
- Would you like to sing it?
- What? A campaign song?
What are you
talkin' about, Fran?
Hold that on for size.
What in the world
have you done here?
[piano music]
Well, Frannie.
♪♪ So long sad ties ♪♪
♪♪ Go long bad guys ♪♪
♪♪ We won't see you anymore ♪♪
♪♪ Hello Harper ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper ♪♪
♪♪ You're the one
we've been lookin' for ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause Harper days
are here once more ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper's
one you can't ignore ♪♪
♪♪ For the ills of
Raytown she will cure ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days are
here once more ♪♪
♪♪ For Thelma Harper
cast your vote ♪♪
♪♪ She is the one
we must promote ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause she's got
Tutwiller by the throat ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper
needs your vote ♪♪
♪♪ Your cares and
troubles are past ♪♪
♪♪ She threw them
out on their ear ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper's
on the ball ♪♪
♪♪ For Raytown's folks
she'll heed the call ♪♪
♪♪ And she sure
belongs in city hall ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days
for one and all ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper
she's the one ♪♪
♪♪ Who can finish
what she has begun ♪♪
♪♪ She'll get rid of
that old simpleton ♪♪
♪♪ Poor old Tutty is all done ♪♪
♪♪ Tutwiller don't
have a prayer ♪♪
♪♪ Against the good
old gray mare ♪♪
♪♪ Put her there ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days
are on their way ♪♪
♪♪ We won't forget
that happy day ♪♪
♪♪ When Thelma
Harper had her say ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days ♪♪
♪♪ Harper nights ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper ♪♪
♪♪ On her way ♪♪
Okay, come on, get out of
the car now, Miss Harper.
There we go.
Here we go.
Alright now, watch
out for the flowers.
(Vinton) Oop.
Now, Vinton, be careful.
These are stacked
according to zip code.
Don't worry about it.
[telephone rings]
Harper Headquarters.
Damn it!
Darn it. I-I'll get back to you.
Okay, now just a few more steps
and you can sit down.
Oh, put your hand
down now, Miss Harper.
Well, Thelma darling,
you just look exhausted.
She is. She don't
wanna kiss, pet
shake hands or talk
to anyone or anything.
Oh, you poor dear.
[telephone rings]
Harper Headquarters.
Vinton, if that's for
me, I'm not here.
Uh, yeah, she's right here.
Oh, uh, but she's in
a meeting right now
with some very important
people. Can I take a message?
And I'm not doin' anything.
Well, she'd be happy to do that.
I'm not goin' anywhere.
What time should she be there?
Fine. Bye.
If my feet didn't hurt so bad,
I'd give you a good swift kick.
Mama, that was the
producer of "Meet The Town."
"Meet The Town?"
The TV show where they
interview famous Raytownians?
Yeah, right, they've
arranged a debate
between mama and
Mayor Tutwiller face-to-face.
Well, that's no fair. He's
got two faces to my one.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, Ellen, this was a
wonderful idea for the debate.
You know, in some strange way
all this fuss has
worked to your benefit.
This is the most publicity
any election has ever received.
The voters will
turn out in droves.
People will find out mama
doesn't know what she's doin'
and you will be elected
by the, the largest
voter turnout in
Raytown history.
But we must be
prepared just in case.
If by some strange turn of
events, your mama does well.
Oh, Tutty face, don't you worry.
I will simply come in and say
there's urgent
business at city hall.
You'll just have to leave.
Now I know why I'm
so crazy about you.
[chuckles]
You mean there was still
some doubt after last night?
- Ellen.
- Alvin.
Welcome to "Meet The Town."
First in our debate,
we will have an address
from each of the candidates
beginning with the incumbent
Mayor Alvin Tutwiller.
Thank you.
My fellow Raytownians
my long and
productive administration
needs no introduction to you.
And so the facts are
clearly before you.
I trust that the voters
of our fine community
will make a wise decision,
namely to re-elect me
as mayor of Raytown. Thank you.
[applause]
- Mrs. Harper.
- Yo.
Oh, well, uh I don't,
I don't guess I...
I don't guess I
have a lot to say.
Of course, after listenin'
to Mayor Tutwiller
you know neither does he.
Uh, Mr. Mayor, will you
agree that you're facing
a fairly formidable
political candidate?
Well, well, I have to admit
M-Mrs. Harper has forced me
to run a, a stronger,
more vigorous campaign.
However, I-I fully
expect to win.
I'll be glad when the
campaigning is over.
Well, I'm terribly sorry that
I've forced you to work so hard.
Of course, judging
from previous years
if you do get elected,
you'll have plenty of time
to rest up after
you're in office.
Uh, Mr. Mayor, uh, why do you
think you deserve re-election?
Because I'm the only
candidate with the experience
to handle the job.
My dear... old opponent
for all her folksy ways
doesn't know a filibuster
from a philodendron.
[laughs]
Mrs. Harper, what's
your response to that?
Well, I, I guess, I
guess he's right.
I don't know nothin'
about lyin' or finaglin'
or cheatin' or any of that
other political gibble-gabble.
What I do know is that I
am a plain, ordinary mother
and I will give the same love
and tender care to Raytown
that I have always given to
my own wonderful children.
So remember that a
vote for Thelma Harper
is like a hug for your mother.
Uh, I-I-I hate to cut
this presentation short
but the, uh, but there's an
urgent message which I see.
It calls me to, to the
city hall immediately.
Hey, dad, can we
make some popcorn
to eat during the returns?
Shh. Here's the
election coverage.
(man on TV) In the
mayoral race in Raytown
the early returns are not in yet
but the polls have
indicated in this
neck and neck race
that every vote will count.
Well, I know I've got
four solid votes here.
I voted for myself.
And I most assuredly
voted for you, Thelma.
I proudly cast my vote
for my mother-in-law,
Thelma Harper.
Doggone it, mama, I wrote
myself a note and everything
and I just flat out forgot.
Vinton, you'd forget your name
if it wasn't stitched
on your jacket.
(man on TV) Here are the first
returns in the Raytown voting.
It's Tutwiller 528, Harper 425.
- Oh.
- Oh, now t-that's alright.
Just wait till they
start gettin' the votes in
from my Senior Citizens Club.
Just takes them a little longer
to get to the polls, that's all.
At least they don't forget
me like you did, Vinton.
Will you look at this?
Hey, everybody. Here
comes some more returns.
(man on TV) The race in
Raytown is closer than anticipated.
Mayor Tutwiller and
challenger Thelma Harper
are separated by
only a slim margin.
Lord, this is just playin'
hell with my nerves.
Buzz, give me
some of that popcorn.
Buzz?
Sonja?
Well, Lord, Frannie,
they're fallin' by the waysi...
Well, Fran!
(man on TV) The
final results are in
in that hard-fought
mayoral race.
This has been a race
that gathered the attention
of the media all
over the country
and apparently, that
attention has paid off.
Thelma Harper is the
new mayor of Raytown.
I can just imagine the
celebration going on now
at the Harper Headquarters.
[theme music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
- Testing, one, two, three.
- Yeah, yeah.
Testing, one, two,
three. Testing...
Vinton, what in
thunder's name is it
that you're trying to do here?
Mama, I am settin'
up the PA system.
When the mayor of Raytown
comes to the Harper home
I wanna make sure
his message is heard.
Testing, one, two, three.
- Vin...
- Testing.
Testing, one, two, three, te...
My Senior Citizens Club
has heard it all before.
- Lord.
- How did you do that?
For heaven's sake, will
you get up off your fanny
and start foldin' up these
chairs like I told you to?
Ma, would you...
Ellen, I swear I don't
know why I let you talk me
into throwin' Mayor Tutwiller's
press conference here.
Because you are the best
mama in the whole world.
And because I
am footin' the bill
for all the hors d'oeuvres.
Well, who is gonna pay for
all the aggravation that I suffer
from havin' all these
people in my home?
Not to mention the wear
and tear on my carpet.
And for what?
Just so you can score points
with that phony-baloney
boyfriend of yours.
[chuckles] Oh, mama, I don't
have to resort to hors d'oeuvres
to score points
with Mayor Tutwiller.
[Ellen laughs]
Then why are you forcin' me
to throw this wingding here?
Because he wants to be
re-elected mayor of Raytown.
He is runnin' unopposed again.
All the man has to do is
to learn how to make an X
vote for himself
and he's a shoo-in.
But, mama, if Tutty
can possibly show that...
Tutty?
I mean, if, if Mayor
Tutwiller can show
that he can get a
good voter turnout
it will help him in his
campaign for governor.
I knew it, you are just
hangin' around with this guy
because you are connivin' to
be the First Lady of the State.
It worked for Nancy Reagan.
Politics is just
like cleanin' fish.
Doesn't matter how good
a job you do, it still stinks.
One, two, three,
test... testing!
One, two, three,
testing. One, two...
How did you do that?
Will you sit down and quit
makin' a fool of yourself?
♪♪ Moonlight becomes
you it goes with your... ♪♪
- Jackass.
- Well, how did you...
He's here! The mayor is here!
- Oh, Mayor Tutwiller.
- Oh, Ellen, how are...
Oh, we are so
happy you are here.
Well, thank you.
You remember my
mama, Mrs. Harper.
Miss Harper, thank you
so much for inviting me.
Yeah, well, let's get
this show on the road.
The sooner we get a move on,
the sooner we can all go home.
- Yeah, well...
- Everybody, take your seats.
Is, uh, is-is all
the press here?
We most assuredly are.
It is quite an
honor, Your Honor.
Thank you. Hello, Vint.
Mr. Mayor, come right over here
and just, just speak
into the microphone.
That I usually do.
Well, good afternoon,
a special good afternoon
to the gracious members
of the Harper family.
How did you do that?
And I wanna wel-welcome
the, uh, members
of the Senior
Citizens Social Club.
Leave it alone, Vint.
I'm here today on a
very important mission...
So am I. I'm gonna
go in the kitchen
and check on my cheese puffs.
[chuckles] Isn't she adorable?
I've asked for this
moment with you here
in order to pledge my support
to our more mature citizens.
Forget the pretty
words, Tutwiller!
Are you going to
do anything for us?
[indistinct chatter]
Well, of course, I'm
gonna do something for ya.
I'm not the type of
politician that sits around
in a comfortable office
with his hands in his pockets.
Yeah, just as long as he keeps
his hands out of our pockets.
Hey, throw some
back here, grandma.
(Tutwiller) Well, I've-I've-I've
done much already.
I-I've improved
transportation in Raytown.
That's absolutely true.
He just bought himself
a brand-new Cadillac.
Cheese puff, mama?
Uh, Mr. Mayor, it sounds
like some of the senior citizens
aren't very happy with
your administration.
Well, you know, there
are always agitators
that don't know anything
about government.
Oh, you talkin'
about me, Tutwiller?
Well, I will not stand by
and see my record slandered.
You ain't got a record.
You name one thing
that you have done
for us senior citizens.
Have you provided
discount meals?
Well, well, all of
this takes time!
Lower cost housing?
Well, well, it takes time!
- Lower healthcare?
- Well, it takes time!
Well, wind your
watch, Tutwiller.
Us golden oldies ain't
got that much time.
Miss Harper, you
just don't understand
the exigencies of government.
Change can only be affected
within the limits of
a balanced budget.
Well, what is the big deal here?
I have been balancin'
budgets my entire life
and I've always managed
to have enough left over
to keep my house lookin'
like a regular showplace.
Tell it like it is, Thelma!
- Right.
- Right.
You armchair quarterbacks think
you have all the
answers, don't you?
If I'd have fumbled a ball
as many times as you have
I'd have hung up my
number years ago.
Well, if you think you
can do a better job
I suggest you run for mayor!
Well, I couldn't do any worse!
[all cheering]
Are the papers out there, Naomi?
- Yes, they are.
- Oh.
- Could I see the "Bugle," dear?
- Uh-huh.
- Thank you.
- Ah, well, look at this.
Mama and the mayor
on the front page
of "The Courier!"
Hey, there she is.
That's grandma, alright.
"Angry grandmother stands
up to lackluster politician."
"Thelma Harper may have
started a grassroots movement
"on behalf of
Raytown senior citizens
"by challenging
Mayor Tutwiller!"
Well, this is the biggest
thing to hit Raytown in years.
Hey, is your story in
the "Bugle," Aunt Fran?
- Well, yes, of course, it is.
- It's not on the front page.
- No, it isn't.
- Why not?
Well, it seems I have
been slightly edited.
They have taken out
my insightful references
to the Lincoln-Douglas debates
as well as my cogent comparison
of Thelma to Eleanor Roosevelt.
What did they leave in?
Thelma's recipe
for cheese puffs.
Oh, Miss Harper, come
quick! Look, you're a celebrity!
- Look at that.
- What? Well, good Lord.
That's the last time
I wear that dress.
Makes me look
like I've got no waist.
- But you're a hero, mama.
- Oh, I ain't a hero.
Just a old woman
with a short fuse.
[people cheering]
Oh.
Well, come quick, everybody.
There's people
all over the lawn!
(Vinton) What? Wha...
(Naomi) Yes, look.
[gasps]
(Thelma) What in the wo...
Well, I don't know
who all these people are
but they're tramplin'
all over my flowers
and I just planted
'em last week.
This is Richard Garner,
Ray Witness News.
I'm standing here outside
the home of Thelma Harper.
(Thelma) Get off of my yard!
Get out of my
begonias, you big ape!
Move it! Get off the flowers!
As you can see,
this is a normal house
much like yours and mine.
Yet within these walls
began a revolution
that may well topple
Raytown's political machine.
Just what in the world
are you talkin' about?
- Who are you talkin' to?
- Here she is.
The dark horse
herself, Thelma Harper.
You're on television right now.
Well, good Lord.
Are you indeed going to
run for mayor, Mrs. Harper?
Well, I've never heard
such a bunch of horse pucky.
I could never be a
politician. I'm too honest.
That's just the sort
of homespun wisdom
that's making Thelma
Harper a real threat
to Mayor Tutwiller.
Well, I just say
what's on my mind.
He could do the same
thing if he had a mind.
Ellen, get that car
off of my grass...
There has been a mistake!
There has been a mistake!
My mother is not runnin'!
We have a perfectly fine man
who serves this
community tirelessly.
Now, you just take
your cameras and leave.
Now, go away!
Now, you-you are
only confusing her.
Can't you see she
is old and feeble?
What? Now hold on
just a darn minute here.
Well, how could she be mayor?
She hardly knows where she is.
You are home now, mama.
This is your front porch.
Now, let us go in and
have a nice cup of cocoa.
You'll have to
forgive my daughter.
She's been hangin' around
with Mayor Tutwiller so long
she thinks everybody's
feebleminded.
As you can see, Thelma Harper
is a feisty and
formidable opponent.
- Oh, shut up!
- You let that man talk!
She hasn't declared her
candidacy, but Thelma Harper...
My mother is not runnin'!
The hell I ain't!
[all cheering]
I don't know how
this all got started.
I don't know anything
about politics.
I don't know why
I'm runnin' for mayor.
[telephone ringing]
I don't wanna talk
to anybody else
on the telephone.
Thelma Harper residence.
This is her granddaughter
Sonja speaking.
Really? Well, which channel?
Thanks.
Grandma's on
national television!
Buzz, put on 4.
Turn on Channel 4.
And this is the Harper family
in front of their
Raytown residence.
(Sonja) Hey, we're on TV!
Buzz, you look like a geek.
I suppose you're
Brooke Shields, huh?
Quiet, kids. Let's hear this.
Our country would
be in a better state
if more people confronted
the political
machinery of our times
and ran for office with
the sincere enthusiasm
and conviction of this
dear woman in Raytown.
- Oh, can I have your autograph?
- Oh, go on.
We wish Thelma Harper
well in her campaign
because she is a symbol
of the American people
crying out to be heard.
And that's the
way it seems to be.
Goodnight.
Well, I think that
was very moving.
Bless his heart.
That dear man has
made up my mind for me.
If we're gonna do this
thing, we're gonna do it right!
- Alright!
- Here's what we're gonna do.
Naomi, you're gonna
be my road manager.
Road manager. Oh, I
love that, Miss Harper.
- What do I do?
- Drive.
- Grandma, we wanna help too.
- Yeah.
Oh, everybody's gonna
get to pitch in. Let's see.
You kids can be in charge of
buttons and flyers and posters.
Uh, what about my job, mama?
Well, Vinton, you
can be my bodyguard.
Bodyguard? Heh.
Well, who would I possibly
have to protect you from?
Your sister Ellen.
Let's see. Frannie, what
am I gonna do with you?
Well, actually, Thelma,
I'm way ahead of you.
I have already begun my work.
I have written your
campaign song.
- Would you like to sing it?
- What? A campaign song?
What are you
talkin' about, Fran?
Hold that on for size.
What in the world
have you done here?
[piano music]
Well, Frannie.
♪♪ So long sad ties ♪♪
♪♪ Go long bad guys ♪♪
♪♪ We won't see you anymore ♪♪
♪♪ Hello Harper ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper ♪♪
♪♪ You're the one
we've been lookin' for ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause Harper days
are here once more ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper's
one you can't ignore ♪♪
♪♪ For the ills of
Raytown she will cure ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days are
here once more ♪♪
♪♪ For Thelma Harper
cast your vote ♪♪
♪♪ She is the one
we must promote ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause she's got
Tutwiller by the throat ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper
needs your vote ♪♪
♪♪ Your cares and
troubles are past ♪♪
♪♪ She threw them
out on their ear ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper's
on the ball ♪♪
♪♪ For Raytown's folks
she'll heed the call ♪♪
♪♪ And she sure
belongs in city hall ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days
for one and all ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper
she's the one ♪♪
♪♪ Who can finish
what she has begun ♪♪
♪♪ She'll get rid of
that old simpleton ♪♪
♪♪ Poor old Tutty is all done ♪♪
♪♪ Tutwiller don't
have a prayer ♪♪
♪♪ Against the good
old gray mare ♪♪
♪♪ Put her there ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days
are on their way ♪♪
♪♪ We won't forget
that happy day ♪♪
♪♪ When Thelma
Harper had her say ♪♪
♪♪ Harper days ♪♪
♪♪ Harper nights ♪♪
♪♪ Thelma Harper ♪♪
♪♪ On her way ♪♪
Okay, come on, get out of
the car now, Miss Harper.
There we go.
Here we go.
Alright now, watch
out for the flowers.
(Vinton) Oop.
Now, Vinton, be careful.
These are stacked
according to zip code.
Don't worry about it.
[telephone rings]
Harper Headquarters.
Damn it!
Darn it. I-I'll get back to you.
Okay, now just a few more steps
and you can sit down.
Oh, put your hand
down now, Miss Harper.
Well, Thelma darling,
you just look exhausted.
She is. She don't
wanna kiss, pet
shake hands or talk
to anyone or anything.
Oh, you poor dear.
[telephone rings]
Harper Headquarters.
Vinton, if that's for
me, I'm not here.
Uh, yeah, she's right here.
Oh, uh, but she's in
a meeting right now
with some very important
people. Can I take a message?
And I'm not doin' anything.
Well, she'd be happy to do that.
I'm not goin' anywhere.
What time should she be there?
Fine. Bye.
If my feet didn't hurt so bad,
I'd give you a good swift kick.
Mama, that was the
producer of "Meet The Town."
"Meet The Town?"
The TV show where they
interview famous Raytownians?
Yeah, right, they've
arranged a debate
between mama and
Mayor Tutwiller face-to-face.
Well, that's no fair. He's
got two faces to my one.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, Ellen, this was a
wonderful idea for the debate.
You know, in some strange way
all this fuss has
worked to your benefit.
This is the most publicity
any election has ever received.
The voters will
turn out in droves.
People will find out mama
doesn't know what she's doin'
and you will be elected
by the, the largest
voter turnout in
Raytown history.
But we must be
prepared just in case.
If by some strange turn of
events, your mama does well.
Oh, Tutty face, don't you worry.
I will simply come in and say
there's urgent
business at city hall.
You'll just have to leave.
Now I know why I'm
so crazy about you.
[chuckles]
You mean there was still
some doubt after last night?
- Ellen.
- Alvin.
Welcome to "Meet The Town."
First in our debate,
we will have an address
from each of the candidates
beginning with the incumbent
Mayor Alvin Tutwiller.
Thank you.
My fellow Raytownians
my long and
productive administration
needs no introduction to you.
And so the facts are
clearly before you.
I trust that the voters
of our fine community
will make a wise decision,
namely to re-elect me
as mayor of Raytown. Thank you.
[applause]
- Mrs. Harper.
- Yo.
Oh, well, uh I don't,
I don't guess I...
I don't guess I
have a lot to say.
Of course, after listenin'
to Mayor Tutwiller
you know neither does he.
Uh, Mr. Mayor, will you
agree that you're facing
a fairly formidable
political candidate?
Well, well, I have to admit
M-Mrs. Harper has forced me
to run a, a stronger,
more vigorous campaign.
However, I-I fully
expect to win.
I'll be glad when the
campaigning is over.
Well, I'm terribly sorry that
I've forced you to work so hard.
Of course, judging
from previous years
if you do get elected,
you'll have plenty of time
to rest up after
you're in office.
Uh, Mr. Mayor, uh, why do you
think you deserve re-election?
Because I'm the only
candidate with the experience
to handle the job.
My dear... old opponent
for all her folksy ways
doesn't know a filibuster
from a philodendron.
[laughs]
Mrs. Harper, what's
your response to that?
Well, I, I guess, I
guess he's right.
I don't know nothin'
about lyin' or finaglin'
or cheatin' or any of that
other political gibble-gabble.
What I do know is that I
am a plain, ordinary mother
and I will give the same love
and tender care to Raytown
that I have always given to
my own wonderful children.
So remember that a
vote for Thelma Harper
is like a hug for your mother.
Uh, I-I-I hate to cut
this presentation short
but the, uh, but there's an
urgent message which I see.
It calls me to, to the
city hall immediately.
Hey, dad, can we
make some popcorn
to eat during the returns?
Shh. Here's the
election coverage.
(man on TV) In the
mayoral race in Raytown
the early returns are not in yet
but the polls have
indicated in this
neck and neck race
that every vote will count.
Well, I know I've got
four solid votes here.
I voted for myself.
And I most assuredly
voted for you, Thelma.
I proudly cast my vote
for my mother-in-law,
Thelma Harper.
Doggone it, mama, I wrote
myself a note and everything
and I just flat out forgot.
Vinton, you'd forget your name
if it wasn't stitched
on your jacket.
(man on TV) Here are the first
returns in the Raytown voting.
It's Tutwiller 528, Harper 425.
- Oh.
- Oh, now t-that's alright.
Just wait till they
start gettin' the votes in
from my Senior Citizens Club.
Just takes them a little longer
to get to the polls, that's all.
At least they don't forget
me like you did, Vinton.
Will you look at this?
Hey, everybody. Here
comes some more returns.
(man on TV) The race in
Raytown is closer than anticipated.
Mayor Tutwiller and
challenger Thelma Harper
are separated by
only a slim margin.
Lord, this is just playin'
hell with my nerves.
Buzz, give me
some of that popcorn.
Buzz?
Sonja?
Well, Lord, Frannie,
they're fallin' by the waysi...
Well, Fran!
(man on TV) The
final results are in
in that hard-fought
mayoral race.
This has been a race
that gathered the attention
of the media all
over the country
and apparently, that
attention has paid off.
Thelma Harper is the
new mayor of Raytown.
I can just imagine the
celebration going on now
at the Harper Headquarters.
[theme music]
[music continues]