Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 2, Episode 1 - Flaming Forties - full transcript

What the..

Well, what is all of this stuff?

Looks like dollar
day at the thrift shop.

These are all my old
things from up in the attic.

What do you think
they're doin' down here?

'Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.'

'Let me take some of that.'

Now, be careful.

Why you won't let
me carry nothin'?

- I almost fell down.
- Oh.

Have a nice trip?



What the hell's goin' on here?

This place looks like the
inside of a goat's stomach.

Don't worry, mama.

I'll have this
stuff out of here.

What do you mean?
Where's it goin'?

To the rummage
sale at the high school.

They're tryin' to raise
money to build a new gym.

We thought we'd
donate all this old stuff.

This old stuff belongs
to this old lady.

They're gonna use
it to build a new gym.

Buzz and Sonia are in
charge of a dance too.

Just what's wrong
with the old gym?

Good lord, Thelma.

That rickety thing must be



50 or 60 years old by now.

Then tear it down and
put it out of its misery.

Bring the wreckin'
ball and flatten me, too.

I'm older than the gym.

Think about somethin'
besides yourself for a change.

Where is your community spirit?

Our motto is, "Your
junk for our gym."

Well, my motto
is, "Drop it or die."

Mama, you never
could throw anything out

no matter how useless it is.

It's a lucky thing for you.

Well, I really must
get back to work.

Now, you stay off
those tootsies, toots.

- Bye, all.
- Bye.

- Yeah, we gotta go, too, mama.
- Bye-bye.

Ow.

Shoot.

Well, good lord.

No wonder my feet
are in such bad shape.

Oh.

Oh.

What in the world happened

to the little girl that
used to fit into this?

I haven't seen this thing
since Carl sank the canoe.

Guess my dog still has fleas.

♪♪ I wanna go back to
my little grass shack ♪♪

♪♪ In Kaunakakai, Hawaii ♪♪

- Hi.
- Well, hello.

- What's new?
- Nothin' in here.

Wow, grandma. Did you wear this?

Yeah, when I was linebacker
for the Raytown Rams.

Buzz, it's the real
thing. Check it out.

Yeah. Hey, look
at these old 78's.

Genuine artifacts.

We used to call 'em records

but, then, we didn't
know any better.

Are these shoes
from World War Il?

Well, they didn't
actually go into combat.

But, yeah, they're
from that time.

Buzz, this stuff's the
answer to our prayers.

I thought you were
prayin' for a new boyfriend.

Grandma, if we're super careful

can we borrow this
stuff for the dance?

What are you talkin' about?

We're tryin' to come
up with a theme.

I heard the gym was used
as a canteen during the 40's.

You bet your bazooka it was.

I told the committee it'd be
neat to re-create the canteen.

And this stuff would be perfect.

Can we borrow it, grandma?

Sure, if you can get
your daddy to keep it.

He wants to take
it to the rummage.

Oh, no way.

Hey, look at me. I'm G.I. Joe.

From Kokomo.

Hey there, soldier,
you wanna dance?

- Whoo.
- Alright, grandma.

Is that the way you
used to pick up guys?

We danced with the soldiers
and make 'em feel at home.

The U.S.O. wouldn't
let us do nothin' else.

You were with the U.S.O.?

I was the head of
the doughnut patrol.

Grandma, you could
be our technical advisor.

You could tell us
all about the era.

Well, shoot, I could try.

If I'd known it was an era

I'd have paid closer attention.

Well, let's see now.
What else we got?

Oh, looky here. Look, look.

This is called a snood.

See, I used to put
this on my hair like this.

Then I'd smear little
leg makeup on my gams.

Then you sashay out
in front of them soldiers

the hubba-hubbas didn't stop.

- Whoo.
- Whoo.

- Let's see now.
- What else you got, grandma?

Hey, anybody home?

Well, hello, Joe.
What do ya know?

Nothin' much, mama.

Vinton, you're supposed to say

♪♪ I just got back from
a Vaudeville show ♪♪

- Why?
- Well, come on, Vinton.

Don't you wanna
be hip to the jive?

Now, mama, remember your feet.

Oh, yeah, right.

♪♪ Hello, feet,
are you all reet? ♪♪

♪♪ They're feelin' neat ♪♪

Well, mama, I've never
seen you act like this before.

Oh, get with it,
Vinton. This is 1942.

How do you like these posters?

They're for the dance.
We're gonna call it

"The U.S.O. Raytown
canteen revisited."

Oh, you mean they
settled on the 40's theme?

Buzz and Sonia are havin'
their big meetin' today.

We got the whole dance planned.

I haven't figured how to
get back into my old dress.

I think I lost the
battle of the bulge.

Boy, looks like you really
threw yourself into this thing.

Well, you don't
know the half of it.

Frannie and Naomi and me

are gonna be the
Andrews sisters.

We're gonna pantomime
to this record. Watch this.

Frannie's gonna be Maxene.
She stands on this side.

Then Naomi's gonna be
Laverne. She's stands on this side.

Of course, I get to be Patti,
the cute one in the middle.

You're gonna love
this to death. Sit down.

We got the choreography
all worked out.

Kids, you're just in time
for the U.S.O. floor show.

Oh, oh, gram.

We have somethin' to tell you.

The dance committee
voted us down.

They don't want to
do the U.S.O. theme.

What? Well, why not?

The kids didn't think there'd
be enough interest in the 40's.

We tried to convince
them. They wanna go punk.

They got a chance
to hire this great band.

It's called Medication.

We're real lucky.

They just got out
on parole this week.

They are superhot.

Isn't that great?

Well, it's your dance.

I guess you ought to
have it the way you want it.

Well, I hope you
don't mind too much.

Looks like you
worked hard on this.

No, no. I ain't done nothin'.

Let's take this stuff to the
rummage where it belongs.

- Sure thing, grandma.
- Got it.

Are you really gonna
dress punk for this dance?

- Yeah, and so are you.
- I am?

Are you kidding?

We're talking
totally punked out.

Sonia, don't forget this dress.

- Oh, not the dress, grandma.
- Here. Take it.

I don't want it. Take
this, too. It's old.

Well, Sam, who'd
ever have thought

we'd have to say
goodbye to the 40's

twice in one lifetime?

Hey. You be nice to him.

He's an old man.

Thelma, stop pouting.

I ain't poutin'.

Then why is your bottom
lip bumpin' your nose?

How would you like to take
a stroll down memory lane

and hit a dead end?

Well, we're off to the dance.

Does this dress look alright
for the high-school dance?

I certainly wouldn't
wear it anywhere else.

Well, you wouldn't
wear it anywhere

because you don't
have the shoulders for it.

Oh, now, now.

You two as chaperons.

It's like puttin' the crooks
in charge of the prison.

What..

Well, are you two goin'
to the dance like that?

That's what I was gonna ask you.

Really, dad, a suit?

And, Naomi, off the shoulders?

Get real.

What's the matter with it?

Let's get going. We
gotta get the gym set up.

- See you later, grandma.
- Oh.

Don't you kiss me.

What are you usin' for
lipstick a magic marker?

You sure you don't
wanna come with us?

I ain't in any mood to have fun.

I'll just stay home
with Frannie.

Okay, let's go, gang.

You don't know
what you're missing.

See you all later.

Nearly everything I
own is off the shoulder.

Thelma, is this you?

Is what me?

Why, this girl
here in this picture

dancin' with this soldier.

Is that you?

Well, of course, that's
me, and that's Carl.

Well, weren't you cute.

Who would ever
guess that was you?

Look at Carl in
his soldier's suit.

Yeah, thank goodness he
never went into active combat

at least not till
after he married me.

Where was that taken?
That looks vaguely familiar.

Well, that's the gym The
famous, broken-down gym.

Only then, it was the U.S.O.

Well, if this isn't precious.

Why haven't I ever seen this?

I had it locked up in
my trunk up in the attic.

I put my foot down or these
would be on sale at the rummage.

Look here. Look at you and Carl.

Well, that was right
after we were married.

Don't you remember? We
had that old-fashioned house.

That was before we went
modern and got this place.

What is this thing?

That was our very
first record player.

We were so proud of
it, we took its picture.

We only had one record.

- Hope it was a good one.
- "Begin the beguine."

We begun that beguine
over and over and over again.

I tell ya, every
time I hear that song

it's like listenin' to
a piece of my heart.

Oh, Thelma.

Oh, Frannie.

All them things..

They're so much
a part of who I am.

Good lord. Why'd you let Vinton
take 'em to the rummage sale?

I'll tell you why. Because
I'm a silly, old fool.

We gotta get to that high school

before my memories go
up on the auction block.

Sonia, this place
looks terrible.

When we had our big
high-school dance in here

we transformed this gym
into a tropical paradise.

Yeah, we even had a volcano

that actually erupted, remember?

It ate a hole in the bleachers.

Medication didn't
want us to decorate.

They'll only work
in an atmosphere

where there's
nothin' to respect.

Why'd you leave
that stuff out there?

Well, the band wants that there

in case they get the urge
to stomp on somethin'.

They don't have to
use their own props.

I better call the band and
see what's keepin' them.

What are you doin' there, Sonia?

Hey, the gym looks
great. Strictly low-tech.

Is that the band?

Nah, they're just
normal high-school kids.

Hey, look at that junk.

That's beautiful.

I love it. Trash.

Well, well, well,
you came after all.

I just came to get my
things, and then I'm leavin'.

Frannie.

There's some freak
goin' through my records.

Hey, you, pinky, get
your hands off of those.

They belong to me.

Hey, maintain.

I was just amusing myself.

Yeah? Try lookin' in the mirror.

Just, just calm down, now.

They're not gonna hurt anything.

Vinton, are you gonna help
me cart this stuff out of here?

We'll do it after
the dance, mama.

It's supposed to
start any minute.

There's not gonna be a band.

Medication got arrested again.

Oh, honey, there's no band.

What is a chaperon
supposed to do now?

She thanks the
lord for small favors.

Hey, come on. Where's the music?

I wanna get down and dirty.

Where's medication? I
gotta have medication.

The cry of the times.

If we ain't gonna dance,
let's break something.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I think we're in trouble, dad.

Just hold it down now.

Vinton, do somethin' here.

Hold it.

I said hold it.

Alright, let's keep it that way.

Don't make me have
to use this thing again.

Now, we'll be
startin' right away.

- 'Alright.'
- 'Alright.'

Oh, honey, that
was so masterful.

But how are we
gonna start right away?

I have no idea.

I wanna dance now.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

All I know is I'm gettin'
my record player outta here

before they tear this gym
down ahead of schedule.

Grandma, that's it. We
can play your old records.

- Go-back-to-the-40's idea.
- No. No.

No, no, these guys
aren't gonna go for that.

They will if she tells
them about the U.S.O.

Buzz, how do you explain a war

to a group that looks
like the casualties?

Oh, grandma, come on.

You can be the hostess,
like you were back then.

No, during the war, we
were all on the same side.

Come on, mama,
what've you got to lose?

- My life.
- Come on, grandma.

- We want to dance.
- We want to dance.

We want to dance.

Thel-ma.

I think you've just been
recalled to active duty.

Well, hell's bells

let it never be said
I was a slacker.

- Yeah.
- Alright.

Hey, everybody, did
we promise you dancin'?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Are we gonna give you dancin?
- Yeah.

But first, a treat
from the 40's.

- No.
- No.

Grandma, you're on.

Sonia, I'm gonna
get you for this.

Alright, maintain.

Alright.

The U.S.O. Raytown canteen
is now open for business.

Praise the lord, and
pass the ammunition.

- Hey, we want medication.
- Yeah.

Well, you're gettin' Medicare.

But we wanna boogie.

I'm gonna give you
your boogie, pinky.

I'm just gonna tack a woogie
on it, the way it oughta be.

Frannie, stick that record
on there and get on up here.

Get this joint jumpin' here.

Grab your hats
here. Grab your hats.

Which one? This is yours.

Alright, this is
mine. Don't panic.

We'll be with you
in a minute here.

It looks okay.

Here we go.

♪♪ He was a famous trumpet
man from out Chicago way ♪♪

♪♪ He had a boogie style
that no one else could play ♪♪

♪♪ He was the top
man at his craft ♪♪

♪♪ But then his
number came up ♪♪

♪♪ And he was
gone with the draft ♪♪

♪♪ He's in the army
now, a-blowin' reveille ♪♪

♪♪ He's the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪

♪♪ They made him blow a
bugle for his Uncle Sam ♪♪

♪♪ It really brought him down
because he couldn't jam ♪♪

♪♪ The captain
seemed to understand ♪♪

♪♪ Because the next day the
cap' went out and drafted a band ♪♪

♪♪ And now the company
jumps when he plays reveille ♪♪

♪♪ He's the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪

♪♪A-toot, a-toot, a-toot
diddle-ee-ada-toot ♪♪

♪♪ He blows it eight to
the bar in boogie rhythm ♪♪

♪♪ He can't blow a note ♪♪

♪♪ Unless the bass and
guitar is playin' with him ♪♪

♪♪ He makes the company
jump when he plays reveille ♪♪

♪♪ He's the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪

♪♪ He was the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪

♪♪ And when he plays
his boogie-woogie bugle ♪♪

♪♪ He's as busy
as a b-z-z bee ♪♪

♪♪ And when he plays he makes
the company jump eight to the bar ♪♪

♪♪ He's the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪

♪♪ Toot toot toot-diddle-ee-ada
toot-diddle-ee-ada ♪♪

♪♪ He blows it
eight to the bar ♪♪

♪♪ He can't blow a note if the
bass and guitar isn't with him ♪♪

♪♪ And the company jumps
when he plays reveille ♪♪

♪♪ He's the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪

Well, how come
you ain't dancin'?

We don't know how, grandma.

Oh, buzz, get me down.

For cryin' out loud,
you kids are lame.

Fall in here, now. Come on.

5, 6, 7, 8.

Right, left. There you go.

Now we're all gonna
go back like this.

Now grab a partner and boogie.

Thataboy, buzz.

Very good. Nice and easy now.

Shake it, but don't break it.

There you go. Very good.

Well, alright, pinky,
let's get down and dirty.

Okay, let's give it a big
finish here, everybody.

And..

♪♪ Ba-ba ba-da ba-da ♪♪

♪♪ Ba-ba ba-da-da ♪♪

♪♪ Ba-ba ba-da ba-da ♪♪

♪♪ Ba-ba ba-da-da ♪♪

♪♪ And the company jumps
when he plays reveille ♪♪

♪♪ He's the boogie-woogie
bugle boy of company "B" ♪♪♪♪

Way to go. Good job.

- Alright.
- One more time.

I swear, I think I'm gonna ask
my doctor about an operation.

I think I need a foot bypass.

That was the best
dance the school ever had

and it's all 'cause of you.

Right on, grandma.
We owe you one.

What is this junk, anyway?

It is lemonade, dear.

Whoever heard of
lemonade being pink?

Well, just think of it
as punk lemonade.

Well, here's to you,
grandma. You saved the day.

Yeah, the school made a fortune.

We should name the
new gym after you.

The mama gym?

Vinton, no.

It'd be the Thelma
Harper memorial gym.

Memorial?

Over my dead body.

Boy, I sure wouldn't mind
havin' a gym named after me.

Maybe we could name our
basement boudoir after you.

'Good idea.'

'Sounds more like a gym
than a bedroom, anyway.'