Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 1, Episode 2 - For Better or Worse - full transcript
Vinton skips out on supper to go to the Bigger Jigger, the local redneck hangout. Before he can leave, Naomi walks in with the news that she's sold her house and is leaving Raytown to manage a trailer park in Arizona. At the Bigger Jigger, Vint admits he's had a crush on Naomi since high school. Turns out she had a crush on him too. He invites her back to his "place" (Mama's basement) to see his TV Guide collection. That morphs into something else very quickly. The next morning, Naomi sneaks out of the cellar right past Mama and Fran. Mama sees her, puts one and one together and has palpitations of shock over "that floozy" spending the night with Vint. Naomi needs a partner to help run the trailer park, and since Vint's chinchilla-farm investment didn't work out so well ("a bad case of the mange"), he decides to go with her. He also proposes marriage and she accepts. When they break the news to Mama, she takes it about as badly as can be expected, particularly when they say they want to get hitched at the county courthouse before they go. Mama REALLY blows her top at this, and insists they get married right there in her house -- much to her own horror.
[♪♪♪]
Vint, supper's ready.
VINT: Coming, Mama.
Oh, no, no, Sonja, dear,
the napkin goes on the left,
the water glass on the right.
Forget it, Vint. I ain't been
slaving over a hot stove all day
just so's you can go
down to the Bigger Jigger
and drink your supper.
Oh, Mama. When a
man works hard all day,
he's got to unwind.
Oh, my goodness,
Vint, can't you unwind
having a pleasant
meal with your family?
She's right. Now sit down
and be pleasant, damn it.
All right, who wants ice tea?
Me, I'm getting thirsty.
NAOMI: Yoo-hoo!
Ms. Harper. It's me, Naomi.
Well, good Lord,
there goes my appetite.
Oh, there y'all are.
Listen, don't get up.
I just came by to tell
you my good news.
I just sold my house.
I'm gonna be moving away
as soon as the deal closes.
Well, what a shame.
The neighborhood just
won't be the same without you.
Did you get a good price?
You bet I did. I'm
gonna clear $5000.
I'm set for life.
Whew. Five G's.
What are you gonna
do with all that money?
Well, the first
thing I'm gonna do
is quit that penny-ante checker
job of mine over at Food Circus.
Oh, well, fine. How long do
you expect that money to last you
with no job and no
roof over your head?
Is your mama
always this cheerful?
Naomi's right.
Hey, Miss Moneybags,
what do you say we
leave these party poopers,
and I'll treat you to a
few over at the Jigger?
All right.
Heh, great.
Madam, your pickup truck awaits.
Thank you, sir. Party
time, here we come.
[VINT AND NAOMI SINGING]
BOTH: ♪ Know when
to fold the home ♪
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
♪ Know when to run ♪
Everybody!
Shhh. Naomi.
We don't wanna wake up Mama.
[WHISPERS] Oh, I'm sorry.
Vint, I hate this stupid town.
Just when you start
to have a good time,
they go and close
the bars down on you.
Don't worry. I've got
some beer in the fridge.
Well, I hope so.
MAMA: Who's down there?
Oh, uh... it's only me, Mama.
Well, good Lord, Vint,
what are you doing stumbling
in at this hour of the night?
Well, it's all right, Mama,
just go back to sleep.
Well...
I've been disturbed,
my night's just ruined.
Well, you... You're
never gonna get to sleep
wandering around down here.
Heh. Good night, Mama.
What...? Now, just don't
be giving me the rush act.
I wanna go and get me some milk.
Uh...
I read some place that
milk keeps you awake.
Well, good Lord, Vint,
I'm already awake.
So, what's the difference?
Honestly, you could have a
little bit more consideration.
It's one thing to
leave your supper
and go waltzing off
with that nitwit Naomi,
but you don't have
to wake all of us up
staggering in in the
middle of the night.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Mama.
I didn't let you and them
kids move back in here
so you could be out
gallivanting every night.
I won't have it.
You're right, Mama.
All right.
Nighty-night, sweetie.
Nighty-night, Mama.
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
That was a close shave.
I don't know why you put
up with that woman, Vint.
Oh, this is just...
temporary. Heh.
You know what I caught her
doing the other day? What?
She had boxed up my TV Guides
and was hauling
them out to the trash.
Your TV Guides, Vint?
Yeah, yeah.
I collect 'em.
Oh.
Started when I was a kid.
I got every issue
that was printed
in the last 25 years.
Oh, my goodness.
I always thought you
was the literary type.
You know what my
favorite show was?
Mister Ed.
Now, did he ever make the cover?
Twice. Mister Ed was big.
Oh, man, would I love
to see them sometime.
Well, why not right now?
They're right downstairs
in the basement.
But isn't that your
bedroom, Vint?
I do sleep down there, but
it's more of a rumpus room.
Come on.
Okay. Come on.
[GIGGLES]
Here he is. The
famous Mister Ed.
Oh, my goodness,
would you look at him?
Now, wasn't he
just the cutest thing?
[LAUGHS]
You know, I just can't believe
that the Naomi Oates
is actually sitting
here in my room. Heh.
Boy, if you knew the crush
I had on you in high school.
Oh, go on, Vint.
Oh, yeah, there you were:
head pom-pom girl, class beauty,
Miss Ravenette.
There I was, just
some little nobody
you didn't know from Adam.
Oh, I knew who you were.
I been meaning to tell you too
that I think your skin
cleared up beautifully.
Gee, thanks.
[CHUCKLES]
It was touch-and-go
there for a while.
I know.
You know, it's a...
It's a shame you're moving away
just when we're getting
to know each other.
But then, I-I guess,
fate might bring
us together again.
Well, sometimes I think you need
to lend fate a
helping hand, Vint.
I believe that when
opportunity knocks,
you ought to just reach
right out and grab for it.
Oh, gosh, I... Heh. Uh...
I've tried grabbing
for lots of things,
but I never seem to
get a hold of anything.
Well, like what?
Well, like, you take,
uh, chinchilla farming.
You know, I thought I
had a sure winner there.
What happened?
Wiped out by mange.
Oh, Vint.
There's no market
for bald chinchillas.
Well, you just keep
on trying, honey,
because all you need is
the right deal to come along,
and you will score,
you will score big.
Oh, Naomi, I love it
when you talk like that.
You know, my whole life has been
nothing but one red
light after another.
And now, all of a sudden
I'm seeing a green light,
and it's saying to
me, "Go, Vint. Go."
Go, Vint. Go.
Oh, Naomi, all my
life I've dreamed
of having an angel
like you in my arms.
Wait.
What?
[CHUCKLES]
You know, my mama would die
if she thought this was
going on down here.
Honey, your mama'd die
if she thought this
was going on anywhere.
Good morning, Thelma.
Well, good morning, Frannie.
You're up mighty
early this morning.
Yes, well, since our bathroom
has become a teenage hangout,
the only way I can
avoid the stampede
is to get up at
the crack of dawn.
In this house,
it's the early bird
that gets the hot water.
The way things
are going nowadays,
I guess we ought
to just be grateful
them kids are clean.
Hmm. Well, apparently they are.
Buzz spends 45 minutes in
there every morning through.
How he just can't
remove that peach fuzz
with a washcloth is beyond me.
But at least he's neat.
Now, Sonja strews her makeup
from one end of the
counter to the other.
Well, just this
morning I caught myself
about to apply a lipstick
called Pac-Man Pink.
Thelma?
What's the matter?
Thelma, what is it?
[WHEEZING]
Thelma?
Thelma?
Her.
Him.
Here.
What are you talking about?
Naomi Oates.
Her?
Him?
Here?!
Vinton Harper, you get up here!
Vinton Harper, I
said, get up here!
VINT: Be right there, Mama.
Well, I would love
to stay and watch
but I'm sure I can catch it
later on Family Feud. Ha!
♪ A horse is a horse Of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse Of course ♪
Good morning, Mama.
Oh, boy, waffles.
Believe I could eat
a dozen this morning.
Mama?
What's the matter?
Out of the goodness and
purity of a mother's heart,
I took you and your
kids back into this house
after that fiasco of a marriage
that you had been through,
thinking that you had
seen the error of your ways.
And how do you repay me?
How, Vinton?
How?
By taking up
with... With that...
That gay divorcée.
A-and under my roof!
Oh, you mean, uh... Naomi Oates.
It's not what you're thinking.
Naomi's a very nice girl.
And just what was
that very nice girl doing
down there in that
basement all night?
Uhhh, she's passed out drunk.
I won't have it, Vinton.
Mama, Naomi Oates happens
to be a woman with vision
and a zest for life.
And she believes in me,
which is more than
you've ever done.
If you wanna
throw your life away
on the dregs of humanity, fine.
But not under my roof.
Well, fine. There are plenty
of other roofs besides yours.
Well, why the hell
couldn't you find one
when you were looking
for a free place to live?
Mama, l don't care
if you toss me out
in the street, bag and baggage,
nothing is going to stop
me from seeing Naomi.
So it looks like I can't
see you anymore, Naomi.
Well, I'm real sorry
that happened, Vint.
But I guess it would've
ended anyway.
I am moving, remember?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Have you thought
about what part of town
you'd be moving to?
Well, as a matter of fact,
that kind of depends on you.
How do you feel
about Arizona, Vint?
Arizona?
I've been thinking all
day about what went on
between you and me last night.
It was kind of unforgettable.
Yes, it was, Vint.
Magic moments between a
man and a woman are spiritual
and ought not to
be screwed with.
What exactly are you driving at?
There's this guy, D.W. McKnight,
comes into Food
Circus all the time.
Yeah. So? Okay.
He took his entire life savings
and invested it in a mobile
home park in Arizona.
Six months later this guy
had tripled his investment.
You see, that's the kind of
deal I've been looking for.
I'm so glad to
hear you say that.
Now, take a look at this, Vint.
I went to see that
guy this morning.
For the $5000 I'm
gonna make on my house,
I can buy into this
mobile home park
and become part
owner and manager.
Yeah? Yeah.
The only hitch is
he wants a couple.
A couple of what?
Oh, honey, he wants a
man to do the handiwork
and a woman to
do the bookkeeping.
He wants a husband and a wife.
Oh.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I promised myself after
that second divorce,
never again.
Oh, me too, boy. Marriage
is too risky nowadays.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Oh, hell, what do we got
to lose, Naomi? Let's do it.
Oh, Vint, this is so sudden.
Where's your brother?
Dad, I'm on the phone, okay?
No, it is not okay.
I've got something
real important
to discuss with the two of you.
Hi, Dad. Bye, Dad.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going?
I'm going to school
to play basketball.
No, wait. Just sit
down here for a second
and listen to me.
This sounds pretty serious.
It is serious.
I want both of you to
hear what I got to say.
Just a second. My dad
wants to tell me something.
Well...
How would you
kids feel if Daddy...
married Naomi,
and the four of us
moved to Arizona
to live in our own
mobile home park?
Whatever turns you on.
It was nothing.
So, what did she say?
No. Are you serious?
Buzz, what do you think?
Dad, I'm blown away.
Isn't this kind of sudden?
Well...
Let me see if I can
explain this to you, son.
Uh...
You see, ever since your
mother and I got a divorce,
I've been, uh...
Uh... Needing the
company of a woman?
Right. Right.
And, uh, since I met Naomi,
not only do I have lots of
things in common with her,
but, uh, she... [CHUCKLES]
She... Really rings your chimes?
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah. You know, she...
She really likes you kids.
I really like her too.
Well, good. Good.
And, uh, to be honest
with you, Buzz, I've, uh...
I've really come to, uh...
Love her?
Heh. I think so.
You think so?
No, I don't think so. I know so.
Well, that's... That's
sort of it in a nutshell.
What do you think?
Dad, you know how
Grandma's always saying how
you drag me and Sonja from one
harebrained scheme to another?
Yeah.
Well, I think she's wrong.
I mean, a lot of dads would've
dumped us a long time ago.
So as long as you wanna
keep dragging us around...
we're yours for the dragging.
SONJA: Oh, cool.
Andrea, like the most
incredible idea just came to me.
Dad.
What?
Do you think we
could move to Arizona
before the term papers are due?
No, now, there'll
be none of that.
See, Naomi and me,
we got this all figured out.
See, we're gonna
go down there first,
and we're gonna get
everything all set up.
You kids are gonna stay here
until you finish the semester.
And that way
everybody'll be happy.
Well, everybody but Grandma.
What's this about
me keeping your kids?
Where the hell are you going?
Andrea, I've got to hang up.
My grandma needs
to yell at my dad.
Uh, Buzz, Sonja, why don't
you you take these groceries
from your grandma and run
them on out to the kitchen?
Good, good. Thank
you. Thank you.
Vinton, I'm waiting
for an answer.
Uh, Mama, this... This is gonna
come as a little shock to you,
but, uh, heh, this afternoon
when Naomi and me were talk...
Naomi Oates!
As far as I am concerned,
that woman is a closed subject.
Aunt Fran.
Oh.
Mother Harper.
Now, don't you be
Mother Harpering me.
Now, y-you get this woman
out of my house immediately.
Mama, please, my kids
are right in the other room.
Well, don't you throw
your kids in my face.
You didn't give a
thought last night
when you were in that
basement with this tramp.
Tramp?
Now, wait just a minute here.
I have been called
a great many things
by a great many people,
but I'll be damned if I'm
gonna take it from you,
you blue-haired old dragon.
Now, you just hold on.
No, you hold on.
For once in my life, I'm
gonna stand up for myself.
Stand up for your...
Once in your life?
You never set foot over here
if it isn't to bellyache or
gripe about something
like the sap from my tree
dripping on your precious car.
Well, if you pruned
your tree branches
like a decent neighbor,
I wouldn't complain.
It is not my job to
prune that damn tree.
Actually, I could prune the
tree if it'd make you both happy.
Shut up!
If you wanna make me
happy, unload this baggage
and try to make something
out of your worthless life.
The only thing worthless
in this man's life is you.
You belittle everything
anybody tries to do,
most of all your kids.
Look at the jellyfish
you made out of this guy.
I intend to change all of that.
I'm gonna teach Vinton to
stand on his own two feet.
Well, if he'd stayed on his
feet last night in the basement,
we wouldn't have
a problem right now.
Now, Mama, that is enough.
This is my one
chance for happiness,
and I'm not gonna
let you blow it for me.
Well, just what kind of
happiness do you expect to find
in some cheap and tawdry
affair with this floozy?
She is not a floozy.
And this is no cheap
and tawdry affair.
We're gonna get married.
Fran, call the paramedics!
What is it, Thelma?
Is it your heart?
No, I'm gonna kill Vint.
Mama, our minds are made up.
We're getting married,
and we're moving to Arizona.
Moving?
You mean you're leaving Raytown?
That's right. I have found
us a job and a place to live.
We're gonna be the
proprietors of a trailer park.
It sounds to me like it's all
been settled now, Thelma.
I-I think congratulations
are in order.
When...? When is the wedding?
Well, we have to be
in Arizona next week.
So I just thought we
could stop by city hall
on our way out of town
if that's okay with you.
Fine.
Well, this is just one
slap in the face too many.
First, Ellen runs off and
gets married without me.
And then Eunice goes and
elopes, still no Mama, and now this.
Lord, just once before I die,
I'd like to toss some rice on
one of my ungrateful brats.
Well, Mama, you can
come to city hall with us
if you want to.
Oh, I see.
My house is fine for
free room and board.
But it isn't good enough
to invite your friends
and have a wedding in.
Well, Mamma, we didn't
wanna cause you any trouble.
Well, good Lord, Vinton Harper,
you've been nothing
but trouble to me
since the day you was born.
Why should this
be any different?
Now, the wedding's gonna
be right here in this house.
So you just go on and invite
whatever it is you call friends,
and I don't want to hear
another word about it.
I'll get the kids.
We'll go celebrate.
All right.
Thank you, Ms. Harper.
[DOOR OPENS]
Frannie?
Yes, Thelma?
Did I just tell Vint and
that what's-her-name
that they could have their
wedding here in my house?
Yes, Thelma.
Well, good Lord, why the
hell didn't you stop me?
Because when you start
shooting off your mouth,
I think it best if
I just stay clear.
Well, any decent sister
would have said something.
FRAN: Well, look at it this
way, you're not losing a son,
I'm gaining a bathroom.
MAMA: Well, not yet you ain't.
I think that maybe that's where
I ought to hold this wedding.
[♪♪♪]
Vint, supper's ready.
VINT: Coming, Mama.
Oh, no, no, Sonja, dear,
the napkin goes on the left,
the water glass on the right.
Forget it, Vint. I ain't been
slaving over a hot stove all day
just so's you can go
down to the Bigger Jigger
and drink your supper.
Oh, Mama. When a
man works hard all day,
he's got to unwind.
Oh, my goodness,
Vint, can't you unwind
having a pleasant
meal with your family?
She's right. Now sit down
and be pleasant, damn it.
All right, who wants ice tea?
Me, I'm getting thirsty.
NAOMI: Yoo-hoo!
Ms. Harper. It's me, Naomi.
Well, good Lord,
there goes my appetite.
Oh, there y'all are.
Listen, don't get up.
I just came by to tell
you my good news.
I just sold my house.
I'm gonna be moving away
as soon as the deal closes.
Well, what a shame.
The neighborhood just
won't be the same without you.
Did you get a good price?
You bet I did. I'm
gonna clear $5000.
I'm set for life.
Whew. Five G's.
What are you gonna
do with all that money?
Well, the first
thing I'm gonna do
is quit that penny-ante checker
job of mine over at Food Circus.
Oh, well, fine. How long do
you expect that money to last you
with no job and no
roof over your head?
Is your mama
always this cheerful?
Naomi's right.
Hey, Miss Moneybags,
what do you say we
leave these party poopers,
and I'll treat you to a
few over at the Jigger?
All right.
Heh, great.
Madam, your pickup truck awaits.
Thank you, sir. Party
time, here we come.
[VINT AND NAOMI SINGING]
BOTH: ♪ Know when
to fold the home ♪
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
♪ Know when to run ♪
Everybody!
Shhh. Naomi.
We don't wanna wake up Mama.
[WHISPERS] Oh, I'm sorry.
Vint, I hate this stupid town.
Just when you start
to have a good time,
they go and close
the bars down on you.
Don't worry. I've got
some beer in the fridge.
Well, I hope so.
MAMA: Who's down there?
Oh, uh... it's only me, Mama.
Well, good Lord, Vint,
what are you doing stumbling
in at this hour of the night?
Well, it's all right, Mama,
just go back to sleep.
Well...
I've been disturbed,
my night's just ruined.
Well, you... You're
never gonna get to sleep
wandering around down here.
Heh. Good night, Mama.
What...? Now, just don't
be giving me the rush act.
I wanna go and get me some milk.
Uh...
I read some place that
milk keeps you awake.
Well, good Lord, Vint,
I'm already awake.
So, what's the difference?
Honestly, you could have a
little bit more consideration.
It's one thing to
leave your supper
and go waltzing off
with that nitwit Naomi,
but you don't have
to wake all of us up
staggering in in the
middle of the night.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Mama.
I didn't let you and them
kids move back in here
so you could be out
gallivanting every night.
I won't have it.
You're right, Mama.
All right.
Nighty-night, sweetie.
Nighty-night, Mama.
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
That was a close shave.
I don't know why you put
up with that woman, Vint.
Oh, this is just...
temporary. Heh.
You know what I caught her
doing the other day? What?
She had boxed up my TV Guides
and was hauling
them out to the trash.
Your TV Guides, Vint?
Yeah, yeah.
I collect 'em.
Oh.
Started when I was a kid.
I got every issue
that was printed
in the last 25 years.
Oh, my goodness.
I always thought you
was the literary type.
You know what my
favorite show was?
Mister Ed.
Now, did he ever make the cover?
Twice. Mister Ed was big.
Oh, man, would I love
to see them sometime.
Well, why not right now?
They're right downstairs
in the basement.
But isn't that your
bedroom, Vint?
I do sleep down there, but
it's more of a rumpus room.
Come on.
Okay. Come on.
[GIGGLES]
Here he is. The
famous Mister Ed.
Oh, my goodness,
would you look at him?
Now, wasn't he
just the cutest thing?
[LAUGHS]
You know, I just can't believe
that the Naomi Oates
is actually sitting
here in my room. Heh.
Boy, if you knew the crush
I had on you in high school.
Oh, go on, Vint.
Oh, yeah, there you were:
head pom-pom girl, class beauty,
Miss Ravenette.
There I was, just
some little nobody
you didn't know from Adam.
Oh, I knew who you were.
I been meaning to tell you too
that I think your skin
cleared up beautifully.
Gee, thanks.
[CHUCKLES]
It was touch-and-go
there for a while.
I know.
You know, it's a...
It's a shame you're moving away
just when we're getting
to know each other.
But then, I-I guess,
fate might bring
us together again.
Well, sometimes I think you need
to lend fate a
helping hand, Vint.
I believe that when
opportunity knocks,
you ought to just reach
right out and grab for it.
Oh, gosh, I... Heh. Uh...
I've tried grabbing
for lots of things,
but I never seem to
get a hold of anything.
Well, like what?
Well, like, you take,
uh, chinchilla farming.
You know, I thought I
had a sure winner there.
What happened?
Wiped out by mange.
Oh, Vint.
There's no market
for bald chinchillas.
Well, you just keep
on trying, honey,
because all you need is
the right deal to come along,
and you will score,
you will score big.
Oh, Naomi, I love it
when you talk like that.
You know, my whole life has been
nothing but one red
light after another.
And now, all of a sudden
I'm seeing a green light,
and it's saying to
me, "Go, Vint. Go."
Go, Vint. Go.
Oh, Naomi, all my
life I've dreamed
of having an angel
like you in my arms.
Wait.
What?
[CHUCKLES]
You know, my mama would die
if she thought this was
going on down here.
Honey, your mama'd die
if she thought this
was going on anywhere.
Good morning, Thelma.
Well, good morning, Frannie.
You're up mighty
early this morning.
Yes, well, since our bathroom
has become a teenage hangout,
the only way I can
avoid the stampede
is to get up at
the crack of dawn.
In this house,
it's the early bird
that gets the hot water.
The way things
are going nowadays,
I guess we ought
to just be grateful
them kids are clean.
Hmm. Well, apparently they are.
Buzz spends 45 minutes in
there every morning through.
How he just can't
remove that peach fuzz
with a washcloth is beyond me.
But at least he's neat.
Now, Sonja strews her makeup
from one end of the
counter to the other.
Well, just this
morning I caught myself
about to apply a lipstick
called Pac-Man Pink.
Thelma?
What's the matter?
Thelma, what is it?
[WHEEZING]
Thelma?
Thelma?
Her.
Him.
Here.
What are you talking about?
Naomi Oates.
Her?
Him?
Here?!
Vinton Harper, you get up here!
Vinton Harper, I
said, get up here!
VINT: Be right there, Mama.
Well, I would love
to stay and watch
but I'm sure I can catch it
later on Family Feud. Ha!
♪ A horse is a horse Of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse Of course ♪
Good morning, Mama.
Oh, boy, waffles.
Believe I could eat
a dozen this morning.
Mama?
What's the matter?
Out of the goodness and
purity of a mother's heart,
I took you and your
kids back into this house
after that fiasco of a marriage
that you had been through,
thinking that you had
seen the error of your ways.
And how do you repay me?
How, Vinton?
How?
By taking up
with... With that...
That gay divorcée.
A-and under my roof!
Oh, you mean, uh... Naomi Oates.
It's not what you're thinking.
Naomi's a very nice girl.
And just what was
that very nice girl doing
down there in that
basement all night?
Uhhh, she's passed out drunk.
I won't have it, Vinton.
Mama, Naomi Oates happens
to be a woman with vision
and a zest for life.
And she believes in me,
which is more than
you've ever done.
If you wanna
throw your life away
on the dregs of humanity, fine.
But not under my roof.
Well, fine. There are plenty
of other roofs besides yours.
Well, why the hell
couldn't you find one
when you were looking
for a free place to live?
Mama, l don't care
if you toss me out
in the street, bag and baggage,
nothing is going to stop
me from seeing Naomi.
So it looks like I can't
see you anymore, Naomi.
Well, I'm real sorry
that happened, Vint.
But I guess it would've
ended anyway.
I am moving, remember?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Have you thought
about what part of town
you'd be moving to?
Well, as a matter of fact,
that kind of depends on you.
How do you feel
about Arizona, Vint?
Arizona?
I've been thinking all
day about what went on
between you and me last night.
It was kind of unforgettable.
Yes, it was, Vint.
Magic moments between a
man and a woman are spiritual
and ought not to
be screwed with.
What exactly are you driving at?
There's this guy, D.W. McKnight,
comes into Food
Circus all the time.
Yeah. So? Okay.
He took his entire life savings
and invested it in a mobile
home park in Arizona.
Six months later this guy
had tripled his investment.
You see, that's the kind of
deal I've been looking for.
I'm so glad to
hear you say that.
Now, take a look at this, Vint.
I went to see that
guy this morning.
For the $5000 I'm
gonna make on my house,
I can buy into this
mobile home park
and become part
owner and manager.
Yeah? Yeah.
The only hitch is
he wants a couple.
A couple of what?
Oh, honey, he wants a
man to do the handiwork
and a woman to
do the bookkeeping.
He wants a husband and a wife.
Oh.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I promised myself after
that second divorce,
never again.
Oh, me too, boy. Marriage
is too risky nowadays.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Oh, hell, what do we got
to lose, Naomi? Let's do it.
Oh, Vint, this is so sudden.
Where's your brother?
Dad, I'm on the phone, okay?
No, it is not okay.
I've got something
real important
to discuss with the two of you.
Hi, Dad. Bye, Dad.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going?
I'm going to school
to play basketball.
No, wait. Just sit
down here for a second
and listen to me.
This sounds pretty serious.
It is serious.
I want both of you to
hear what I got to say.
Just a second. My dad
wants to tell me something.
Well...
How would you
kids feel if Daddy...
married Naomi,
and the four of us
moved to Arizona
to live in our own
mobile home park?
Whatever turns you on.
It was nothing.
So, what did she say?
No. Are you serious?
Buzz, what do you think?
Dad, I'm blown away.
Isn't this kind of sudden?
Well...
Let me see if I can
explain this to you, son.
Uh...
You see, ever since your
mother and I got a divorce,
I've been, uh...
Uh... Needing the
company of a woman?
Right. Right.
And, uh, since I met Naomi,
not only do I have lots of
things in common with her,
but, uh, she... [CHUCKLES]
She... Really rings your chimes?
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah. You know, she...
She really likes you kids.
I really like her too.
Well, good. Good.
And, uh, to be honest
with you, Buzz, I've, uh...
I've really come to, uh...
Love her?
Heh. I think so.
You think so?
No, I don't think so. I know so.
Well, that's... That's
sort of it in a nutshell.
What do you think?
Dad, you know how
Grandma's always saying how
you drag me and Sonja from one
harebrained scheme to another?
Yeah.
Well, I think she's wrong.
I mean, a lot of dads would've
dumped us a long time ago.
So as long as you wanna
keep dragging us around...
we're yours for the dragging.
SONJA: Oh, cool.
Andrea, like the most
incredible idea just came to me.
Dad.
What?
Do you think we
could move to Arizona
before the term papers are due?
No, now, there'll
be none of that.
See, Naomi and me,
we got this all figured out.
See, we're gonna
go down there first,
and we're gonna get
everything all set up.
You kids are gonna stay here
until you finish the semester.
And that way
everybody'll be happy.
Well, everybody but Grandma.
What's this about
me keeping your kids?
Where the hell are you going?
Andrea, I've got to hang up.
My grandma needs
to yell at my dad.
Uh, Buzz, Sonja, why don't
you you take these groceries
from your grandma and run
them on out to the kitchen?
Good, good. Thank
you. Thank you.
Vinton, I'm waiting
for an answer.
Uh, Mama, this... This is gonna
come as a little shock to you,
but, uh, heh, this afternoon
when Naomi and me were talk...
Naomi Oates!
As far as I am concerned,
that woman is a closed subject.
Aunt Fran.
Oh.
Mother Harper.
Now, don't you be
Mother Harpering me.
Now, y-you get this woman
out of my house immediately.
Mama, please, my kids
are right in the other room.
Well, don't you throw
your kids in my face.
You didn't give a
thought last night
when you were in that
basement with this tramp.
Tramp?
Now, wait just a minute here.
I have been called
a great many things
by a great many people,
but I'll be damned if I'm
gonna take it from you,
you blue-haired old dragon.
Now, you just hold on.
No, you hold on.
For once in my life, I'm
gonna stand up for myself.
Stand up for your...
Once in your life?
You never set foot over here
if it isn't to bellyache or
gripe about something
like the sap from my tree
dripping on your precious car.
Well, if you pruned
your tree branches
like a decent neighbor,
I wouldn't complain.
It is not my job to
prune that damn tree.
Actually, I could prune the
tree if it'd make you both happy.
Shut up!
If you wanna make me
happy, unload this baggage
and try to make something
out of your worthless life.
The only thing worthless
in this man's life is you.
You belittle everything
anybody tries to do,
most of all your kids.
Look at the jellyfish
you made out of this guy.
I intend to change all of that.
I'm gonna teach Vinton to
stand on his own two feet.
Well, if he'd stayed on his
feet last night in the basement,
we wouldn't have
a problem right now.
Now, Mama, that is enough.
This is my one
chance for happiness,
and I'm not gonna
let you blow it for me.
Well, just what kind of
happiness do you expect to find
in some cheap and tawdry
affair with this floozy?
She is not a floozy.
And this is no cheap
and tawdry affair.
We're gonna get married.
Fran, call the paramedics!
What is it, Thelma?
Is it your heart?
No, I'm gonna kill Vint.
Mama, our minds are made up.
We're getting married,
and we're moving to Arizona.
Moving?
You mean you're leaving Raytown?
That's right. I have found
us a job and a place to live.
We're gonna be the
proprietors of a trailer park.
It sounds to me like it's all
been settled now, Thelma.
I-I think congratulations
are in order.
When...? When is the wedding?
Well, we have to be
in Arizona next week.
So I just thought we
could stop by city hall
on our way out of town
if that's okay with you.
Fine.
Well, this is just one
slap in the face too many.
First, Ellen runs off and
gets married without me.
And then Eunice goes and
elopes, still no Mama, and now this.
Lord, just once before I die,
I'd like to toss some rice on
one of my ungrateful brats.
Well, Mama, you can
come to city hall with us
if you want to.
Oh, I see.
My house is fine for
free room and board.
But it isn't good enough
to invite your friends
and have a wedding in.
Well, Mamma, we didn't
wanna cause you any trouble.
Well, good Lord, Vinton Harper,
you've been nothing
but trouble to me
since the day you was born.
Why should this
be any different?
Now, the wedding's gonna
be right here in this house.
So you just go on and invite
whatever it is you call friends,
and I don't want to hear
another word about it.
I'll get the kids.
We'll go celebrate.
All right.
Thank you, Ms. Harper.
[DOOR OPENS]
Frannie?
Yes, Thelma?
Did I just tell Vint and
that what's-her-name
that they could have their
wedding here in my house?
Yes, Thelma.
Well, good Lord, why the
hell didn't you stop me?
Because when you start
shooting off your mouth,
I think it best if
I just stay clear.
Well, any decent sister
would have said something.
FRAN: Well, look at it this
way, you're not losing a son,
I'm gaining a bathroom.
MAMA: Well, not yet you ain't.
I think that maybe that's where
I ought to hold this wedding.
[♪♪♪]