Make Some Noise (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Long Awaited Meeting Between Times New Roman and Comic Sans - full transcript
Josh, Zac, and Brennan reunite to invent new vocal warm-ups and leave voicemail messages for Sam.
- [Sam] Tonight, Jack Nicholson
busting down the door in "The
Shining," it's Josh Ruben.
- And I'll blow the door down
to play "Make Some Noise," Johnny.
- [Sam] Their child having left
a bunch of LEGOs on the
floor, it's Zac Oyama.
- Terry - agh!
Ugh.
Okay.
- I should have said something.
- [Sam] And a sitcom actor
looking around the bar for the last time
in the series finale,
it's Brennan Lee Mulligan.
(audience cheers and applauds)
- I guess it really was Cheers after all.
(upbeat trumpet music)
- [Sam] They're all here to-
- [Everyone] "Make Some Noise!"
(upbeat ensemble music)
- Welcome to "Make Some Noise."
The game so good, we
spun it off, unchanged.
I am your host, Sam Reich,
and here's how the show works.
I have a series of improvisational prompts
our players have never seen before.
Isn't that right, players?
- I certainly haven't as well.
- Be news to me if I saw it.
- Uh-huh.
- Our players will fulfill
those prompts to the best
of their ability and I will
award them corresponding points.
The winner will go home
with the coveted Golden Ear.
(Josh gasps)
Which I bought on the black market
along with the Golden Spleen.
- Ooh.
- Ah.
- Where is it?
- Players, are you ready to rumble?
- Yeah.
- Woo.
- Josh.
- Yeah, dude.
(Sam chuckles)
Let's do this.
- I bet this will be no problem.
- [Sam] A mini-van to Long
Island-mom transformer.
(Josh laughs)
- No problem.
As I like to say, that'd be
my t-shirt if we had merch.
(Josh vrooms)
"Here we go, kids.
(Josh grunts)
Okay, kids.
(Josh whirs)
Here we are.
No, you're not going to Montauk.
No one's going to Montauk, okay?
(Josh zaps)
We've got some dark, dark
bots to fight ahead, kids.
(Josh clacking)
Thank you."
(Josh vrooms)
- Bravo, Josh.
Exceptionally done.
Montauk, the kids can't
go to Montauk, is that?
- "Not until I say so."
- 15 points for Josh.
Zac Oyama.
- Hmm?
- [Sam] Someone who
keeps trying and failing
to start chants in the middle of a speech.
- "Hell no, that ain't right.
(Sam laughs)
Hell yes, that is right.
(Sam laughs)
Hell yes.
Well?"
(everyone laughs)
- Cut you off there, Zac.
A lot of-
- Well done.
- Disagreement, a lot of agreement
and then some right down the middle,
- We didn't get it going.
- I will also give 15 points.
- Incredible.
- To you.
Brennan.
A grizzled war vet recounts
a Black Friday sales event.
- "What am I thankful for?
(Sam laughs)
I guess I'm thankful
that all of you look so fat and happy,
your faces stained with cranberry sauce
like a bunch of fuckin' animals!
You know what's coming tomorrow?
It was '96.
I was posted up in the
parking lot of a Sam's Club.
A bunch of these tent lickers out here
in their sleeping bags
waiting for opening.
They mistook the noise of the electricity
getting turned on in the automatic doors-"
- Oh no.
- "For the sounding flare.
Well goddamn, they
crashed through the gate
faster than the running
of the goddamn bulls.
I saw a grown man with a baby in a bjorn
punch his fist through the
back of a clerk's throat,
grab the spine and make through
a plate glass window
with a Tickle Me Elmo.
You better believe one thing.
When tomorrow comes,
the only thing blacker than the Friday
will be the souls of those sorry sinners
looking to get their ill-gotten goods."
- Incredible, Brennan.
I never know when to cut you
off because there's a big
imaginary spotlight
shining on you in my mind.
50 points for Brennan.
- Ah, man,
- Joshua.
- Ah.
- A voice-disguised
witness in a true crime
documentary accidentally
reveals exactly who they are.
- "I watched him chop
off everyone's heads.
I was really afraid to go back to work.
Being team captain, everyone looks up
to me because they call me Happy Happy
because you know, that's my name.
But yeah, I was really worried
to go back to Best Buy,
especially being in the middle of Chelsea
on 23rd Street and 6th Avenue
working all of the shifts.
I mean pretty much from
9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m.,
you can find me every day of the week.
There's only so many
people named Happy who work
at Best Buy in Chelsea in
New York City on 23rd Street
and 6th Avenue who have beared
witness to a serial killer
who's chopped off the
heads of multiple people.
Did I make a big mistake and
can I get eyes on this edit?"
(All laugh)
- 100 Points for Josh, a clean 100.
Zac.
- Yes?
- A scientist describing how the world
is going to end using only
the contents of a bark box.
- "You're not listening to me, general.
(everyone laughs)
This is a ball with a tail on it.
This is the comet heading
straight for earth
and this doggy treat is the
population of Washington D.C.
As the comet caresses by,
the tail sort of representing
the ice freezing our planet,
this big plastic fire extinguisher
(Sam laughs)
represents our missile defense system.
We can only take out so
many ice trails (squeaks)
at a time before pew,
(screeches, cracks, squeaks)
we're all doomed."
- And cut.
Brilliant.
I will say 101 points for you.
- Thank God.
- A Dalmatians ref.
- Brennan.
Last prompt of round one.
- Holy shit.
- The moment in the show where
the lore goes so deep, they lose you.
- "My God.
(Sam laughs)
We were wrong.
When the Nephilim were first born,
(Josh and Sam laughing)
children of the eldest Seraphs
and mortal beings, humans,
they broke the Divine Seal
that St. Thomas Aquinas had
referred to in the initial
tracts post-Nicene Council.
What we find at this point is the Seraphs
never had to venture to the earthly realm.
Those mortals had already ascended.
So in that moment, the Seventh
Seal was already broken.
Lucifer's rebellion was
ex post facto invalidated.
The Devil was never banished to Perdition
because Perdition never
existed in the first place.
Essentially we are left with two factions,
the neutral angels that we
mistook for the spirits of nature
that were warned about by the
scripts and texts we found
on the clay tablets on the Isle of Mona.
Tracing those back, we can now see,
God and the Serpent were
in fact one and the same,
which is why you, Ashley and Max
as two teenagers from
Palo Alto, California
were selected above all others to be
the Truth Slayer and the Keeper of Lies."
- Is this when we learn
that the movie is
targeted at 14 year olds?
(everyone laughs)
Does this make sense to you?
- I think it's still in one piece.
- Wow.
- We'll say a legendary
amount of points for Brennan.
(Brennan laughs)
(upbeat flute music)
That brings us to the minigame.
This will be a toss-up.
The players all have their buzzers.
You will now buzz in
and create bullshit in the given category.
The category is
the Vocal Warm-Up Research
and Development Committee.
I want to hear the newest
additions in the repertoire.
(buzzer buzzes)
Brennan.
- The minimum amount of cinnamon
that we can be swimming
in is less than 17.
(Sam laughs)
(buzzer buzzes)
- Zac.
- Cat scratch fever is made out of a deer.
Cat scratch.
- Yeah, say it again.
- Cat scratch fever is made out of a deer.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Josh.
- The ghost with the most is Beetle-Joste.
(contestants laughing)
The ghost with the most is Beetle-Joste.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Brennan.
- I horked down shark
pork on my park of larb.
(Sam laughs)
- Hmm.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Zac.
- The weevil on the steeple
is found among the people.
(everyone laughs)
- The weevil on the steeple.
- Steeple is found among the people.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Josh.
- Ruh-roh, rih don't know.
- Ruh-roh, rih don't know?
- Ruh-roh, rih don't know.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Brennan.
(Brennan chortles rapidly)
(Sam laughs)
- Nice.
- Effective as a vocal warm-up,
arguably more effective than
anything we've heard so far.
(buzzer buzzes)
Josh.
- I lost every-thring
I have in Robin Hood.
(everyone laughs)
(upbeat chiming music)
- That brings us to round
two where our players
will now test their
talents in teams of two.
Josh.
- Huh?
- And Zac.
- Yes?
- Owen Wilson and his magic mirror.
- "Whoa, I've got a question."
(Zac slurps)
- "I guess I got an answer."
- "Whoa."
- "Wow."
- "Wow, this is so wild."
- "That's wild, you're
right in front of me."
- "I know, it's kinda like who's
Owen and who's the mirror?"
(Sam laughs)
- "Which one is which, you know?"
- "I guess it doesn't matter
'cause I'm a tall piece of glass
and you're my reflection
in that piece of glass."
- "Exactly."
- "Or is it the other way around?"
- "Which way is it, I'm
like whoa, you know?"
- "Can you tell me
if I'm gonna get another
'Zoolander' check?"
(Brennan laughs)
- I'll cut you off there.
(Zac laughs)
We'll do 14 points for the two of you.
- Fair.
- Okay.
- Zac.
- Yes?
- And Brennan.
The long awaited meeting
between Times New Roman and Comic Sans.
- "I see you haven't brought any serifs.
(Sam chuckles)
Perhaps that's where the
'Sans' in your name comes from.
Sans from the French, 'without.'"
- "I see you have brought
your entire centurion forces behind you."
- "New centurions for a
new century, my friend.
I'm gonna straight up kill you."
- "I understand that your
forces are to be taken seriously
but I am a man of the people
and I wish that you would
see that in your heart."
- "What mercy do you think
you will find in my heart?
The fields behind me are
littered with the bodies
of fonts braver and more cunning than you.
Baskerville lies dead in the dust.
(Sam laughs)
Apple Chancery is nothing
but a distant memory.
(Zac whimpers)
I struck down Helvetica.
(Sam and Josh laughing)
Do you think your posted,
handwritten invitation
on an old school blog,
'Come to my birthday party this weekend,
I want to insinuate that
it's going to be fun?'
By the time I'm done with you,
you're gonna look like
Webdings, my friend."
- "Don't you mean Wingdings?"
- "What?"
(Zac sizzles)
(Sam laughs)
- Yes
- Is it Wingdings
or is it Webdings?
- God, I hope it's Wingdings.
- I think it's Wingdings.
- I think it's both.
- I'm not sure if they're the same thing.
- I consider part of my
job here to just supply
Brennan with ideas for future
seasons of "Dimension 20."
(Brennan laughs)
A peace sign, an email sign
and @ symbols amount of points for you.
Brennan and Josh.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- A child brings a magical snowman to life
who is very concerned about dying again.
- "Okay, and now the final touch,
this carrot that I took from the kitchen.
Here we go."
(Brennan gasps)
- "Listen, listen, I don't have much time.
I don't have much time.
(Sam laughs)
Point my head at you.
I can't look at you,
I don't have muscles."
- "Okay."
- "Listen."
- "Oh, oh."
- "I see you."
- "Okay."
- "I see you, okay?
What day is it today,
do you know the date?"
- "It's Christmas Day,
December 25th, 1996."
- "Great, that's great,
we have time, okay?
It's not gonna get warm
until probably March, okay?
So you have time.
I need you to go to the big
old house up on the hill.
You're a brave little boy, right?
Aren't you a brave little boy?
(Josh moans)
You will find a scroll in the
basement of that house, okay?
That scroll has a list of 17 names.
You are going to look for the 17th name,
which should say Alistair
Smythe, listen to me!
Don't fucking yawn!
(Sam laughs)
I was a man, not a snowman.
I know it's too much to ask of a child
but you need to fix this, okay?"
(everyone laughs)
- And I'll cut you off there.
Excellent button, Josh,
excellent lore, Brennan.
I expected nothing less.
Simply hundreds if not thousands
of points for the both of you.
- I love a magical carrot.
- Yes, the carrot.
- From the kitchen.
- From the kitchen.
- That's all it was.
"I was a man."
Harrison Ford is.
(Brennan laughs)
- Josh and Zac.
- Okay.
- Two astronauts compete for the quote
that will go down in history.
(Zac thuds, scrapes)
- "Well, that's one flag
that I just put on the moon."
- "We put this flag on the moon together
because together, we can do anything."
- "But-"
- "No."
- "Is there a better way
to put a flag on the moon
than to do it in a big blue spoon?"
(Sam laughs)
- "As astronauts, we
have a duty to our people
to make them dream big and no one
dreams bigger than us here today
and I'm gonna put it right back here."
- "Yeah, but also
sometimes, um, when you take a spaceship,
you see all kinds of things
that are really, really important."
(Zac hisses)
- "Despite my partner's space madness,
(Brennan laughs)
I'm doing this for
everyone, including Jerry."
- And I'll cut you off with the homicide.
Very good players, 45 points for you.
Zac and Brennan.
A time traveler trying to
figure out what year it is
without drawing too much
attention to themselves.
(Zac slurps)
- "How's it going there, stranger?"
- "Good."
- "Funny get-up you got there."
- "Oh.
I'm doing a vaudeville
show?"
- "Doing a vaudeville show?
Jeepers creepers, buster.
You're more old-timey than my Pop-Pop."
- "Oh yeah, I'm-"
- "What, are you gonna head to
the Nickelodeon afterwards?"
- "The Nickelodeon?"
- "Give me a break."
(Zac laughs nervously)
- "Yes, I don't have my,
not phone because that wouldn't be here."
- "Rip it out of the wall, did you?"
- "Right, right."
- "Say mister, you're dressed
in tinfoil like a baked potato."
- "Yeah."
- "Tinfoil's only three
years old at this point."
(Sam laughs)
- "What are you up to today?"
- "Well, I'm gonna head on down
to City Hall and report my
fair share of Communists."
- "Oh.
Interesting, awesome.
Well, I want you to know first off
before I walk out of here,
I'm not a Communist."
- "Say, saying you're not a Communist
is one of the first things those Reds do."
- I will cut you off there.
1950 amount of points for
you, is that about right?
That was the Red Scare.
- I was thinking, yeah,
like 40s into 50s.
- We can look up three years.
Tinfoil has been out for three years.
- Someone could say
1973 and another person
could say 1875 and I would be like-
- Totally, absolutely.
- Great, sure.
- Last one of this
round, Brennan and Josh.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Thomas Jefferson getting notes from
his Hollywood agent on the
Declaration of Independence.
(Josh rings)
- "Greetings, you have
reached Thomas Jefferson.
I'm answering the phone
in real life right now
and if you speak, I will hear you."
- "Hey Tommy J, we have Ari on the line.
(Sam laughs)
We have your agent, Ari."
"You got him? Okay, great.
Hey Tommy J, what's up?"
- "Ari, my agent, hello."
- "Listen, did a quick
skim of that scroll thing.
I have a few notes, first of
all, I can't really read it.
I don't know if, I know you
wrote it with long hand, is it?"
- "I wrote it with quill
and ink as is the custom."
- "Hey, Meredith.
Can you go ahead and get
Tommy J final draft 12?
Because if we don't,
here's the thing Tommy J,
places like Stage 6, Sony, Warner Bros.,
Tubi, Arrow, they're not gonna be able
to sort of find it clean
and digestible, okay?
You picking up what
I'm putting down, bud?"
- "The only person I need
to digest my proclamation
is King George III, tyrant that he is."
- "Right on, right on and
by the way just real quick,
we want to make sure you got an invite
to the Indie Film Spirit Awards
tonight at seven o'clock."
- "Am I not already on the list?"
(Sam laughs)
- "Well, I got Ray Romano
on the other line and-"
- "Yeah, patch Ray through."
- "Okay."
- "Patch Ray through."
- "Yeah, sorry, can we patch Ray through?"
"Hey."
- "Ray, I've been waiting for punch up
on this Declaration for
weeks now, what's going on?"
- "Oh, Tommy."
- Yeah, I'll definitely cut you off there.
I don't know how we ended up with
an entirely different prompt.
- Let us do Ray Romano
helps Thomas Jefferson.
(upbeat flute music)
- That brings us to the minigame.
The minigame is translator and for this,
I'm gonna ask Josh to take center stage.
Josh will be playing our
politician and a combination
of Zac and Brennan will
be playing his translator.
They will each be translating
every other line of Josh's spiel.
Josh, I will kick you off with a topic.
Your topic is a new scientific discovery.
(Josh screeches)
- "Hello."
- (Josh speaking gibberish)
- "People of Staten Island."
(Sam laughs)
(Josh speaking gibberish)
(Josh screeches, squeaks)
- "You've been very bad
and the robots are coming."
(Brennan and Sam laughing)
- "So,
so,
(speaking gibberish)
(speaking gibberish)
(Josh gasps, buzzes, zaps)
Uh-oh."
- "If you get killed by a
robot, friends, that's on you."
(Josh speaking gibberish)
- "Koo-koo (speaking gibberish)."
- "If you get shot at by
a robot, that's on you."
- "Now, (speaking gibberish) everybody.
What?
(Josh gasps)
Wow, (speaking gibberish)."
- "If you pour milk in your eyes,
you will be able to see
the invisible robots."
(Josh speaking gibberish)
- "I gotta go."
(Josh speaking gibberish)
- "Me and some guys are headed
to Fuddruckers after this.
I'm not sure if you're all busy
but feel free to swing by."
- Fantastic.
All three of you, wow.
- I wonder how many points we got?
- Great point.
- One great point.
- One great point.
(upbeat chiming music)
- That brings us to round
three where our players
will now hold hands and jump
into the abyss together.
Josh.
- Huh?
- Zac.
- Hmm?
- Brennan.
- Mm hmm.
- Braggadocious cavemen tool-dropping.
- "Incredible hunt. Y'know.
Everyone gave 100%.
Very grateful, very humbled
and grateful for flint spearhead."
- "Flint spearhead."
- "Oh wow, flint spearhead.
Mister Spearhead over here."
- "You know, just saying,
its good development
will eventually lead to eradication
of giant ground sloths
in North America, so."
- "Yeah, but will it be
as cool as a piece of wood
I found that's good to move a big rock?"
(Sam chuckles)
- "Wow.
Oh wait, you were saying giant sloth?"
- "Giant sloth."
- "I think they know my
friend, saber-toothed tiger.
I actually made saddle
for saber-toothed tiger."
- "Whoa."
- "Yeah."
- "Okay, name-dropper."
- "So I don't know."
- "It kinda feels like you're going
out of your way to try and make-"
- "It was definitely off of something said
and it was organic part of conversation."
- "How about this?
Seem like we tense.
(Josh and Sam laughs)
- Seem like -
Seem like we at each other throat."
- "Okay."
- "Okay."
- "Maybe we go home,
I write in my clay tablets
about how I feeling."
- "Where the clay tablet come from?"
- I'll cut you off there.
- "Well, it's fair."
- Some cavemen really do have it all.
When were the cavemen approximately?
- So caveman is like a
broad term but I think
it's like past 25.000 or
something like that years old.
- Yes, so we'll say
negative 25.000 points.
- Oh.
- Taking this one at a time please.
No need to talk over each other.
Messages on Sam's answering machine.
- Hey, what's up Sam?
It's me,
Mamazune.
Just kidding, it's Josh.
Listen, I need grocery money
and I was just kinda hoping maybe
I could "Make Some Noise"
or do pretty much anything.
Look, I don't even know what
"D20" is, never heard of it.
I'm seeing a lot of
clips of Brennan working.
But for real, (beeps), yeah, one second!
One second!
Look,
I have, uh,
I just got done, you're my last quarter.
All right?"
- Hey Sam, it's Zac.
I was just calling, I
don't know how this works.
For some reason when you Google my name,
one of the first things that comes up is
"Zac Oyama fired" from
a YouTube Live video
where you fire me as a joke
and I'm just wondering,
I wonder if there's a way to like,
I don't know how priorities work on that.
It's just confusing.
Some people think I'm actually fired.
- That's too true.
- Hey Sam, it's Brennan calling.
So there's a TikTok of me pretending
to be a dragon slipping on a banana peel
and a group of teens have
mobilized to burn my home down.
(everyone laughs)
So if we could put a disclaimer
on the TikTok that says
yes, I was saying I wanted
to conquer the world
but I was doing it as a
fictional dragon and not a guy
who lives in the world and is
a real person with feelings.
So hit me up as soon as you can
and please help me, help me, help me.
- Disclaimer appears
before all of these jokes,
"Loosely based on a true story."
(contestants laughing)
It is at this point that I would like
to remind everyone that
I wrote 270 of these.
(Brennan gasps)
Two sides of a pistachio shell fighting
being pulled apart to
protect the pistachio.
- "What's happening?"
- "You're gonna be all right."
- "Is this real, is
this really happening?"
- "All right, listen.
Our seam is almost all the way closed.
There are so many pistachios in this bag
that have a wider seam than we have."
- "So we're fine."
- "They're gonna
put us back in the bag."
- "We're fine, right?"
- "That's exactly right."
- "You gotta stay positive, okay?
Oh god, I feel a fucking shadow.
Okay, the bag's moving, the bag's moving."
(Zac screams)
- "Oh my god."
- "This is normal, you're
gonna be okay, all right?
Look, we're gonna feel a finger.
It's gonna be rooting around
for a pistachio, okay?
Just 'cause you feel a finger
doesn't mean that it's us, okay?"
- "Okay."
- "Stay calm."
(contestants screaming)
(Zac whimpers)
- "Hang tight.
Okay, oh god, oh god, oh god.
(Zac screams)
Okay, calm down."
(Brennan cracks)
- "No, no."
- "Stay calm.
Hold onto me."
- "I can't feel my freaking shell."
(Brennan crackles)
- "Oh no, I can't see."
- "Okay, listen.
You're gonna lose us, okay?
What I need you to do is this.
When it opens all the
way, drop into the bag."
- "I can't."
- "Drop to the floor
and go under the table, yes you can!
Drop under the table."
- "He's pulling me."
(contestants screaming)
(Sam laughs)
- What an incredible closer.
- Eat your heart out, "Band of Brothers."
(everyone laughs)
- That brings us to the end of our show.
Our winner tonight is
Josh Ruben.
- Oh!
- Josh.
- Wow.
(contestants clapping)
- You are the recipient of the Golden Ear.
- And just to confirm, I can't take this?
- You cannot bring that home.
That does it for us here
at "Make Some Noise."
Tune in next time for
more of the game samer.
I'm Sam Reich and that sounds
pretty good to me, goodnight.
(relaxed ensemble music)
(audience applauding)
busting down the door in "The
Shining," it's Josh Ruben.
- And I'll blow the door down
to play "Make Some Noise," Johnny.
- [Sam] Their child having left
a bunch of LEGOs on the
floor, it's Zac Oyama.
- Terry - agh!
Ugh.
Okay.
- I should have said something.
- [Sam] And a sitcom actor
looking around the bar for the last time
in the series finale,
it's Brennan Lee Mulligan.
(audience cheers and applauds)
- I guess it really was Cheers after all.
(upbeat trumpet music)
- [Sam] They're all here to-
- [Everyone] "Make Some Noise!"
(upbeat ensemble music)
- Welcome to "Make Some Noise."
The game so good, we
spun it off, unchanged.
I am your host, Sam Reich,
and here's how the show works.
I have a series of improvisational prompts
our players have never seen before.
Isn't that right, players?
- I certainly haven't as well.
- Be news to me if I saw it.
- Uh-huh.
- Our players will fulfill
those prompts to the best
of their ability and I will
award them corresponding points.
The winner will go home
with the coveted Golden Ear.
(Josh gasps)
Which I bought on the black market
along with the Golden Spleen.
- Ooh.
- Ah.
- Where is it?
- Players, are you ready to rumble?
- Yeah.
- Woo.
- Josh.
- Yeah, dude.
(Sam chuckles)
Let's do this.
- I bet this will be no problem.
- [Sam] A mini-van to Long
Island-mom transformer.
(Josh laughs)
- No problem.
As I like to say, that'd be
my t-shirt if we had merch.
(Josh vrooms)
"Here we go, kids.
(Josh grunts)
Okay, kids.
(Josh whirs)
Here we are.
No, you're not going to Montauk.
No one's going to Montauk, okay?
(Josh zaps)
We've got some dark, dark
bots to fight ahead, kids.
(Josh clacking)
Thank you."
(Josh vrooms)
- Bravo, Josh.
Exceptionally done.
Montauk, the kids can't
go to Montauk, is that?
- "Not until I say so."
- 15 points for Josh.
Zac Oyama.
- Hmm?
- [Sam] Someone who
keeps trying and failing
to start chants in the middle of a speech.
- "Hell no, that ain't right.
(Sam laughs)
Hell yes, that is right.
(Sam laughs)
Hell yes.
Well?"
(everyone laughs)
- Cut you off there, Zac.
A lot of-
- Well done.
- Disagreement, a lot of agreement
and then some right down the middle,
- We didn't get it going.
- I will also give 15 points.
- Incredible.
- To you.
Brennan.
A grizzled war vet recounts
a Black Friday sales event.
- "What am I thankful for?
(Sam laughs)
I guess I'm thankful
that all of you look so fat and happy,
your faces stained with cranberry sauce
like a bunch of fuckin' animals!
You know what's coming tomorrow?
It was '96.
I was posted up in the
parking lot of a Sam's Club.
A bunch of these tent lickers out here
in their sleeping bags
waiting for opening.
They mistook the noise of the electricity
getting turned on in the automatic doors-"
- Oh no.
- "For the sounding flare.
Well goddamn, they
crashed through the gate
faster than the running
of the goddamn bulls.
I saw a grown man with a baby in a bjorn
punch his fist through the
back of a clerk's throat,
grab the spine and make through
a plate glass window
with a Tickle Me Elmo.
You better believe one thing.
When tomorrow comes,
the only thing blacker than the Friday
will be the souls of those sorry sinners
looking to get their ill-gotten goods."
- Incredible, Brennan.
I never know when to cut you
off because there's a big
imaginary spotlight
shining on you in my mind.
50 points for Brennan.
- Ah, man,
- Joshua.
- Ah.
- A voice-disguised
witness in a true crime
documentary accidentally
reveals exactly who they are.
- "I watched him chop
off everyone's heads.
I was really afraid to go back to work.
Being team captain, everyone looks up
to me because they call me Happy Happy
because you know, that's my name.
But yeah, I was really worried
to go back to Best Buy,
especially being in the middle of Chelsea
on 23rd Street and 6th Avenue
working all of the shifts.
I mean pretty much from
9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m.,
you can find me every day of the week.
There's only so many
people named Happy who work
at Best Buy in Chelsea in
New York City on 23rd Street
and 6th Avenue who have beared
witness to a serial killer
who's chopped off the
heads of multiple people.
Did I make a big mistake and
can I get eyes on this edit?"
(All laugh)
- 100 Points for Josh, a clean 100.
Zac.
- Yes?
- A scientist describing how the world
is going to end using only
the contents of a bark box.
- "You're not listening to me, general.
(everyone laughs)
This is a ball with a tail on it.
This is the comet heading
straight for earth
and this doggy treat is the
population of Washington D.C.
As the comet caresses by,
the tail sort of representing
the ice freezing our planet,
this big plastic fire extinguisher
(Sam laughs)
represents our missile defense system.
We can only take out so
many ice trails (squeaks)
at a time before pew,
(screeches, cracks, squeaks)
we're all doomed."
- And cut.
Brilliant.
I will say 101 points for you.
- Thank God.
- A Dalmatians ref.
- Brennan.
Last prompt of round one.
- Holy shit.
- The moment in the show where
the lore goes so deep, they lose you.
- "My God.
(Sam laughs)
We were wrong.
When the Nephilim were first born,
(Josh and Sam laughing)
children of the eldest Seraphs
and mortal beings, humans,
they broke the Divine Seal
that St. Thomas Aquinas had
referred to in the initial
tracts post-Nicene Council.
What we find at this point is the Seraphs
never had to venture to the earthly realm.
Those mortals had already ascended.
So in that moment, the Seventh
Seal was already broken.
Lucifer's rebellion was
ex post facto invalidated.
The Devil was never banished to Perdition
because Perdition never
existed in the first place.
Essentially we are left with two factions,
the neutral angels that we
mistook for the spirits of nature
that were warned about by the
scripts and texts we found
on the clay tablets on the Isle of Mona.
Tracing those back, we can now see,
God and the Serpent were
in fact one and the same,
which is why you, Ashley and Max
as two teenagers from
Palo Alto, California
were selected above all others to be
the Truth Slayer and the Keeper of Lies."
- Is this when we learn
that the movie is
targeted at 14 year olds?
(everyone laughs)
Does this make sense to you?
- I think it's still in one piece.
- Wow.
- We'll say a legendary
amount of points for Brennan.
(Brennan laughs)
(upbeat flute music)
That brings us to the minigame.
This will be a toss-up.
The players all have their buzzers.
You will now buzz in
and create bullshit in the given category.
The category is
the Vocal Warm-Up Research
and Development Committee.
I want to hear the newest
additions in the repertoire.
(buzzer buzzes)
Brennan.
- The minimum amount of cinnamon
that we can be swimming
in is less than 17.
(Sam laughs)
(buzzer buzzes)
- Zac.
- Cat scratch fever is made out of a deer.
Cat scratch.
- Yeah, say it again.
- Cat scratch fever is made out of a deer.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Josh.
- The ghost with the most is Beetle-Joste.
(contestants laughing)
The ghost with the most is Beetle-Joste.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Brennan.
- I horked down shark
pork on my park of larb.
(Sam laughs)
- Hmm.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Zac.
- The weevil on the steeple
is found among the people.
(everyone laughs)
- The weevil on the steeple.
- Steeple is found among the people.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Josh.
- Ruh-roh, rih don't know.
- Ruh-roh, rih don't know?
- Ruh-roh, rih don't know.
(buzzer buzzes)
- Brennan.
(Brennan chortles rapidly)
(Sam laughs)
- Nice.
- Effective as a vocal warm-up,
arguably more effective than
anything we've heard so far.
(buzzer buzzes)
Josh.
- I lost every-thring
I have in Robin Hood.
(everyone laughs)
(upbeat chiming music)
- That brings us to round
two where our players
will now test their
talents in teams of two.
Josh.
- Huh?
- And Zac.
- Yes?
- Owen Wilson and his magic mirror.
- "Whoa, I've got a question."
(Zac slurps)
- "I guess I got an answer."
- "Whoa."
- "Wow."
- "Wow, this is so wild."
- "That's wild, you're
right in front of me."
- "I know, it's kinda like who's
Owen and who's the mirror?"
(Sam laughs)
- "Which one is which, you know?"
- "I guess it doesn't matter
'cause I'm a tall piece of glass
and you're my reflection
in that piece of glass."
- "Exactly."
- "Or is it the other way around?"
- "Which way is it, I'm
like whoa, you know?"
- "Can you tell me
if I'm gonna get another
'Zoolander' check?"
(Brennan laughs)
- I'll cut you off there.
(Zac laughs)
We'll do 14 points for the two of you.
- Fair.
- Okay.
- Zac.
- Yes?
- And Brennan.
The long awaited meeting
between Times New Roman and Comic Sans.
- "I see you haven't brought any serifs.
(Sam chuckles)
Perhaps that's where the
'Sans' in your name comes from.
Sans from the French, 'without.'"
- "I see you have brought
your entire centurion forces behind you."
- "New centurions for a
new century, my friend.
I'm gonna straight up kill you."
- "I understand that your
forces are to be taken seriously
but I am a man of the people
and I wish that you would
see that in your heart."
- "What mercy do you think
you will find in my heart?
The fields behind me are
littered with the bodies
of fonts braver and more cunning than you.
Baskerville lies dead in the dust.
(Sam laughs)
Apple Chancery is nothing
but a distant memory.
(Zac whimpers)
I struck down Helvetica.
(Sam and Josh laughing)
Do you think your posted,
handwritten invitation
on an old school blog,
'Come to my birthday party this weekend,
I want to insinuate that
it's going to be fun?'
By the time I'm done with you,
you're gonna look like
Webdings, my friend."
- "Don't you mean Wingdings?"
- "What?"
(Zac sizzles)
(Sam laughs)
- Yes
- Is it Wingdings
or is it Webdings?
- God, I hope it's Wingdings.
- I think it's Wingdings.
- I think it's both.
- I'm not sure if they're the same thing.
- I consider part of my
job here to just supply
Brennan with ideas for future
seasons of "Dimension 20."
(Brennan laughs)
A peace sign, an email sign
and @ symbols amount of points for you.
Brennan and Josh.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- A child brings a magical snowman to life
who is very concerned about dying again.
- "Okay, and now the final touch,
this carrot that I took from the kitchen.
Here we go."
(Brennan gasps)
- "Listen, listen, I don't have much time.
I don't have much time.
(Sam laughs)
Point my head at you.
I can't look at you,
I don't have muscles."
- "Okay."
- "Listen."
- "Oh, oh."
- "I see you."
- "Okay."
- "I see you, okay?
What day is it today,
do you know the date?"
- "It's Christmas Day,
December 25th, 1996."
- "Great, that's great,
we have time, okay?
It's not gonna get warm
until probably March, okay?
So you have time.
I need you to go to the big
old house up on the hill.
You're a brave little boy, right?
Aren't you a brave little boy?
(Josh moans)
You will find a scroll in the
basement of that house, okay?
That scroll has a list of 17 names.
You are going to look for the 17th name,
which should say Alistair
Smythe, listen to me!
Don't fucking yawn!
(Sam laughs)
I was a man, not a snowman.
I know it's too much to ask of a child
but you need to fix this, okay?"
(everyone laughs)
- And I'll cut you off there.
Excellent button, Josh,
excellent lore, Brennan.
I expected nothing less.
Simply hundreds if not thousands
of points for the both of you.
- I love a magical carrot.
- Yes, the carrot.
- From the kitchen.
- From the kitchen.
- That's all it was.
"I was a man."
Harrison Ford is.
(Brennan laughs)
- Josh and Zac.
- Okay.
- Two astronauts compete for the quote
that will go down in history.
(Zac thuds, scrapes)
- "Well, that's one flag
that I just put on the moon."
- "We put this flag on the moon together
because together, we can do anything."
- "But-"
- "No."
- "Is there a better way
to put a flag on the moon
than to do it in a big blue spoon?"
(Sam laughs)
- "As astronauts, we
have a duty to our people
to make them dream big and no one
dreams bigger than us here today
and I'm gonna put it right back here."
- "Yeah, but also
sometimes, um, when you take a spaceship,
you see all kinds of things
that are really, really important."
(Zac hisses)
- "Despite my partner's space madness,
(Brennan laughs)
I'm doing this for
everyone, including Jerry."
- And I'll cut you off with the homicide.
Very good players, 45 points for you.
Zac and Brennan.
A time traveler trying to
figure out what year it is
without drawing too much
attention to themselves.
(Zac slurps)
- "How's it going there, stranger?"
- "Good."
- "Funny get-up you got there."
- "Oh.
I'm doing a vaudeville
show?"
- "Doing a vaudeville show?
Jeepers creepers, buster.
You're more old-timey than my Pop-Pop."
- "Oh yeah, I'm-"
- "What, are you gonna head to
the Nickelodeon afterwards?"
- "The Nickelodeon?"
- "Give me a break."
(Zac laughs nervously)
- "Yes, I don't have my,
not phone because that wouldn't be here."
- "Rip it out of the wall, did you?"
- "Right, right."
- "Say mister, you're dressed
in tinfoil like a baked potato."
- "Yeah."
- "Tinfoil's only three
years old at this point."
(Sam laughs)
- "What are you up to today?"
- "Well, I'm gonna head on down
to City Hall and report my
fair share of Communists."
- "Oh.
Interesting, awesome.
Well, I want you to know first off
before I walk out of here,
I'm not a Communist."
- "Say, saying you're not a Communist
is one of the first things those Reds do."
- I will cut you off there.
1950 amount of points for
you, is that about right?
That was the Red Scare.
- I was thinking, yeah,
like 40s into 50s.
- We can look up three years.
Tinfoil has been out for three years.
- Someone could say
1973 and another person
could say 1875 and I would be like-
- Totally, absolutely.
- Great, sure.
- Last one of this
round, Brennan and Josh.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Thomas Jefferson getting notes from
his Hollywood agent on the
Declaration of Independence.
(Josh rings)
- "Greetings, you have
reached Thomas Jefferson.
I'm answering the phone
in real life right now
and if you speak, I will hear you."
- "Hey Tommy J, we have Ari on the line.
(Sam laughs)
We have your agent, Ari."
"You got him? Okay, great.
Hey Tommy J, what's up?"
- "Ari, my agent, hello."
- "Listen, did a quick
skim of that scroll thing.
I have a few notes, first of
all, I can't really read it.
I don't know if, I know you
wrote it with long hand, is it?"
- "I wrote it with quill
and ink as is the custom."
- "Hey, Meredith.
Can you go ahead and get
Tommy J final draft 12?
Because if we don't,
here's the thing Tommy J,
places like Stage 6, Sony, Warner Bros.,
Tubi, Arrow, they're not gonna be able
to sort of find it clean
and digestible, okay?
You picking up what
I'm putting down, bud?"
- "The only person I need
to digest my proclamation
is King George III, tyrant that he is."
- "Right on, right on and
by the way just real quick,
we want to make sure you got an invite
to the Indie Film Spirit Awards
tonight at seven o'clock."
- "Am I not already on the list?"
(Sam laughs)
- "Well, I got Ray Romano
on the other line and-"
- "Yeah, patch Ray through."
- "Okay."
- "Patch Ray through."
- "Yeah, sorry, can we patch Ray through?"
"Hey."
- "Ray, I've been waiting for punch up
on this Declaration for
weeks now, what's going on?"
- "Oh, Tommy."
- Yeah, I'll definitely cut you off there.
I don't know how we ended up with
an entirely different prompt.
- Let us do Ray Romano
helps Thomas Jefferson.
(upbeat flute music)
- That brings us to the minigame.
The minigame is translator and for this,
I'm gonna ask Josh to take center stage.
Josh will be playing our
politician and a combination
of Zac and Brennan will
be playing his translator.
They will each be translating
every other line of Josh's spiel.
Josh, I will kick you off with a topic.
Your topic is a new scientific discovery.
(Josh screeches)
- "Hello."
- (Josh speaking gibberish)
- "People of Staten Island."
(Sam laughs)
(Josh speaking gibberish)
(Josh screeches, squeaks)
- "You've been very bad
and the robots are coming."
(Brennan and Sam laughing)
- "So,
so,
(speaking gibberish)
(speaking gibberish)
(Josh gasps, buzzes, zaps)
Uh-oh."
- "If you get killed by a
robot, friends, that's on you."
(Josh speaking gibberish)
- "Koo-koo (speaking gibberish)."
- "If you get shot at by
a robot, that's on you."
- "Now, (speaking gibberish) everybody.
What?
(Josh gasps)
Wow, (speaking gibberish)."
- "If you pour milk in your eyes,
you will be able to see
the invisible robots."
(Josh speaking gibberish)
- "I gotta go."
(Josh speaking gibberish)
- "Me and some guys are headed
to Fuddruckers after this.
I'm not sure if you're all busy
but feel free to swing by."
- Fantastic.
All three of you, wow.
- I wonder how many points we got?
- Great point.
- One great point.
- One great point.
(upbeat chiming music)
- That brings us to round
three where our players
will now hold hands and jump
into the abyss together.
Josh.
- Huh?
- Zac.
- Hmm?
- Brennan.
- Mm hmm.
- Braggadocious cavemen tool-dropping.
- "Incredible hunt. Y'know.
Everyone gave 100%.
Very grateful, very humbled
and grateful for flint spearhead."
- "Flint spearhead."
- "Oh wow, flint spearhead.
Mister Spearhead over here."
- "You know, just saying,
its good development
will eventually lead to eradication
of giant ground sloths
in North America, so."
- "Yeah, but will it be
as cool as a piece of wood
I found that's good to move a big rock?"
(Sam chuckles)
- "Wow.
Oh wait, you were saying giant sloth?"
- "Giant sloth."
- "I think they know my
friend, saber-toothed tiger.
I actually made saddle
for saber-toothed tiger."
- "Whoa."
- "Yeah."
- "Okay, name-dropper."
- "So I don't know."
- "It kinda feels like you're going
out of your way to try and make-"
- "It was definitely off of something said
and it was organic part of conversation."
- "How about this?
Seem like we tense.
(Josh and Sam laughs)
- Seem like -
Seem like we at each other throat."
- "Okay."
- "Okay."
- "Maybe we go home,
I write in my clay tablets
about how I feeling."
- "Where the clay tablet come from?"
- I'll cut you off there.
- "Well, it's fair."
- Some cavemen really do have it all.
When were the cavemen approximately?
- So caveman is like a
broad term but I think
it's like past 25.000 or
something like that years old.
- Yes, so we'll say
negative 25.000 points.
- Oh.
- Taking this one at a time please.
No need to talk over each other.
Messages on Sam's answering machine.
- Hey, what's up Sam?
It's me,
Mamazune.
Just kidding, it's Josh.
Listen, I need grocery money
and I was just kinda hoping maybe
I could "Make Some Noise"
or do pretty much anything.
Look, I don't even know what
"D20" is, never heard of it.
I'm seeing a lot of
clips of Brennan working.
But for real, (beeps), yeah, one second!
One second!
Look,
I have, uh,
I just got done, you're my last quarter.
All right?"
- Hey Sam, it's Zac.
I was just calling, I
don't know how this works.
For some reason when you Google my name,
one of the first things that comes up is
"Zac Oyama fired" from
a YouTube Live video
where you fire me as a joke
and I'm just wondering,
I wonder if there's a way to like,
I don't know how priorities work on that.
It's just confusing.
Some people think I'm actually fired.
- That's too true.
- Hey Sam, it's Brennan calling.
So there's a TikTok of me pretending
to be a dragon slipping on a banana peel
and a group of teens have
mobilized to burn my home down.
(everyone laughs)
So if we could put a disclaimer
on the TikTok that says
yes, I was saying I wanted
to conquer the world
but I was doing it as a
fictional dragon and not a guy
who lives in the world and is
a real person with feelings.
So hit me up as soon as you can
and please help me, help me, help me.
- Disclaimer appears
before all of these jokes,
"Loosely based on a true story."
(contestants laughing)
It is at this point that I would like
to remind everyone that
I wrote 270 of these.
(Brennan gasps)
Two sides of a pistachio shell fighting
being pulled apart to
protect the pistachio.
- "What's happening?"
- "You're gonna be all right."
- "Is this real, is
this really happening?"
- "All right, listen.
Our seam is almost all the way closed.
There are so many pistachios in this bag
that have a wider seam than we have."
- "So we're fine."
- "They're gonna
put us back in the bag."
- "We're fine, right?"
- "That's exactly right."
- "You gotta stay positive, okay?
Oh god, I feel a fucking shadow.
Okay, the bag's moving, the bag's moving."
(Zac screams)
- "Oh my god."
- "This is normal, you're
gonna be okay, all right?
Look, we're gonna feel a finger.
It's gonna be rooting around
for a pistachio, okay?
Just 'cause you feel a finger
doesn't mean that it's us, okay?"
- "Okay."
- "Stay calm."
(contestants screaming)
(Zac whimpers)
- "Hang tight.
Okay, oh god, oh god, oh god.
(Zac screams)
Okay, calm down."
(Brennan cracks)
- "No, no."
- "Stay calm.
Hold onto me."
- "I can't feel my freaking shell."
(Brennan crackles)
- "Oh no, I can't see."
- "Okay, listen.
You're gonna lose us, okay?
What I need you to do is this.
When it opens all the
way, drop into the bag."
- "I can't."
- "Drop to the floor
and go under the table, yes you can!
Drop under the table."
- "He's pulling me."
(contestants screaming)
(Sam laughs)
- What an incredible closer.
- Eat your heart out, "Band of Brothers."
(everyone laughs)
- That brings us to the end of our show.
Our winner tonight is
Josh Ruben.
- Oh!
- Josh.
- Wow.
(contestants clapping)
- You are the recipient of the Golden Ear.
- And just to confirm, I can't take this?
- You cannot bring that home.
That does it for us here
at "Make Some Noise."
Tune in next time for
more of the game samer.
I'm Sam Reich and that sounds
pretty good to me, goodnight.
(relaxed ensemble music)
(audience applauding)