Magnum, P.I. (1980–1988): Season 6, Episode 9 - Blood and Honor - full transcript
Magnum is asked by Admital Hawkes to help him find a spy. So Magnum returns to active duty. And he suspects the girlfriend of the Admiral's son. When he confronts her, she reveals that she's also trying to find the spy and whom she suspects.
Somewhere on this island,
they have buried
$1 million.
They are conducting
a treasure hunt...
Buried on this island?
A million dollars?
Take the chest and keep going.
You really think someone's
going to come after you
to get to the clues?
(SCREAMlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
Dig! Let's go. Dig! All right!
(SCREAMlNG)
That was a bat.
I guess I'm a real
neurotic mess, anyway.
Let's just try and make
the best of the rest
of the treasure hunt, okay?
(SCREAMlNG)
MAN: Jump. All of you.
You can't be serious.
Down there?
In the water?
In the water.
Look, guys, I think there's
room for discussion here.
Why don't we...
No. No more talk.
We're through talking.
Everybody over the side,
in the drink.
Come on. I mean,
we're all rational
human beings.
I mean, why don't we try
and work something out?
After all, there's
more than enough
to go around here.
WOMAN: Not necessarily.
Everyone stay
exactly as you are.
The Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt is history.
Time for the grand finale,
right now.
MAGNUM: I suppose you're
all wondering how we got
into this mess.
A fair question.
Well, it all started
a very long time ago.
In the year 1759, to be exact.
And someplace
right around here.
Move! Blast ye!
The heathen Kalaniopu'u
is upon us.
Come on, faster.
Aye, Captain Dawkins.
Aye.
DAWKlNS:
Come on now, boys, let's run.
Faster, me boys.
Come on, boys.
You and you,
take the chest and keep going.
We'll rendezvous
at the Cave of the Wild Boar
where waits Reverend Brown.
And Maggie.
Aye, Maggie.
But, Captain,
what about you?
Here we'll stand. Go!
Gentlemen, load your muskets.
Send them to hell!
MAGNUM: A real cliffhanger.
But considering
what happened next,
I'd have to say
that Captain Dawkins
and his band of pirates
may have been
the lucky ones.
After all, they were
just fiction.
Everything else was reality.
(KNOCKlNG)
HlGGlNS: Magnum.
I say, Magnum.
MAGNUM: Sort of.
Why don't you knock?
Knock? I veritably tore
the door from its hinges
in a vain attempt
at civilized entry.
You are late.
Late? Late where?
To the Kalanianaole Pavilion
on the Windward Coast.
The what?
Higgins, come on,
I had a rough six hours
at the university last night.
No doubt with that overeager,
underaged coed
you've been seeing.
That overeager,
underaged coed
is my tutor.
Spare me the euphemism.
She is!
In what subject?
Advanced debauchery?
Business administration.
Dear me.
Whatever for?
To improve the economic side
of my business.
Never mind.
Why are you here
and what am I late for?
I'm here about
The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u.
That's my copy.
I bought and paid for it
with my own money.
It seems that Robin Masters'
publishing company
has come up with
a cheap gimmick
unworthy of Mr. Masters,
in my opinion,
to increase
the paperback sales
of The Treasure.
Oh, well,
I did my part.
Somewhere on this island
they have buried
$1 million.
As did the character
Captain Dawkins
in the novel.
And they are conducting
a treasure hunt
based on the incidents
in the book
to spur sales.
A million dollars?
A mere write-off for them.
A million dollars?
And in the long run
much more valuable with
the expected increase in sales
plus a potential
motion picture.
Be that as it may...
Buried on this island?
A million dollars?
Be that as it may,
you have been volunteered
by Mr. Masters,
who, I might add,
finds the whole thing
as unseemly as I do
and has fled indefinitely
to the south of France
to coordinate this charade
with a representative
from the publishing company.
Boy, think of the tax problems
I'm gonna have, Higgins.
Think of your duty, Magnum.
Huh?
Your tax problems
are irrelevant.
Why?
If I find a million dollars...
Have you not heard a word
I've said?
You are an employee
of Mr. Masters
in this venture.
You are, therefore,
not eligible.
Not eligible?
And late.
AMY: Very late, Mr. Magnum.
I trust this isn't
a harbinger of your
future work habits.
Thirty-nine down.
What?
"Something that foreshadows
or presages what is to come."
Last Sunday's
New York Times
crossword puzzle.
Thirty-nine down.
Harbinger.
You probably cheated.
Why do you need
our medical insurance?
In case anything happens.
I did not cheat, Miss...
Ms. Griswald. Amy.
Mount Kisco, New York.
And I bet you did cheat.
Well, we'll never know,
will we?
What I would like to know
is what my
"future work habits" entail.
You know, consist of.
Be consistent with.
Inevitably involve.
Oh, I don't think he cheated,
Ms. Griswald.
Yes, thank you. Good luck.
What your job
inevitably involves,
Mr. Magnum,
is helping me keep
this treasure hunt honest.
Fine. Honest.
Yo, Thomas!
Where do I sign up?
Ah. Wow, this is great.
One million simoleons.
And all I gotta do
is read this here
pirate book.
Rick, I think you're
gonna have to do more
than just read it.
You're gonna have
to read into it.
You are required to take
225-year-old clues
and translate that into
a search throughout
modern Oahu.
Starting here, the site
of the pagan sacrifice,
as so colorfully depicted
in the novel.
Yeah, right.
Pagan sacrifice, great stuff.
Here, baby.
Rick, I don't think
this is going to be that easy.
Who cares?
I have a plan.
They all do.
It is kind of silly, isn't it?
Kind of?
I think it's absolutely
the most foolish stunt
to hit the literary world
since the Howard Hughes will.
I know that I did not
torturously apply myself
to the taskmasters
at Bennington,
then slave in
the publishing houses
along Madison Avenue
for the past 10 years
to wind up doing...
Doing this.
I'd rather be undertaking
what I've been trained to do,
editing Norman Mailer.
With a saber, of course.
MAN: Or what about a scalpel?
MAGNUM: Doc lbold?
Why not?
I could make very good use
of that money.
I can buy
a new set of golf clubs.
And I shall swear
to my patients
that I'll only hunt
for that treasure
on Wednesdays and weekends.
Hey, like, I'm curious.
Are there, like, other prizes
for finding most of the clues
or something? Like...
Like a computer?
It's all or nothing,
young man.
Oh, okay.
Hey, like, I'm also curious,
Ms. Griswald.
I mean, what am l
supposed to be doing here?
Protecting you?
I mean, because you know
where all the clues are and
the treasure's hidden, right?
Wrong.
I trust your mental deductions
in your chosen field
aren't as haphazardly
thought out as those
or you'd probably be
bumming off the good graces
of Robin Masters
instead of working.
Now, the clues will be
sent to me one at a time
by the prestigious
accounting firm
of Fletcher and Kilroy
in New York to
insure my safety.
And honesty.
I mean, it's just
a haphazard deduction.
Listen, I'll see you,
Thomas.
Oh, bye, Doc.
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Magnum.
I'm here to become
rich and famous,
along with my lovely
and charming partner.
Hi.
Cards are over there.
Oh.
Hi, I'm Thomas Magnum.
I don't think we've met.
Donna Clemens.
I teach literature
over at the university.
AMY: (SCOFFlNG)
This is hardly literature.
Well, good luck.
I think the contest starts
in about...
Exactly 12:00.
Great. Great.
And we will be ready.
Research materials.
We'll be right back
with these cards.
My dear.
Safety.
You really think someone's
going to come after you
to get to the clues?
Who knows?
And who the hell cares?
Excuse me.
Doug Fenwick and Terry Dobbs,
direct from Beantown.
We're here to sign up
for the treasure hunt.
ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
(FlRES)
(ALL SHOUTlNG)
Oh, Jonathan, isn't this
jolly good fun?
Well, they're off and running.
In pursuit of
the quintessential
sucker's bet.
Why? One of them's gonna win.
And the rest?
I reiterate, Magnum.
This is dumb.
MAGNUM: Well, it wasn't
Robin's idea.
Maybe.
But if he were
a serious novelist addressing
the human condition
in an incisive
and intellectual manner,
we certainly
wouldn't be here doing this.
At least,
I wouldn't be here.
Well, maybe Robin
is addressing
the human condition.
Yes? How so?
What bleak aspect
of human nature
is Robin Masters exploring
in The Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u?
Greed.
Well, where to,
Ms. Griswald?
The Blue Coral Reef Hotel
near downtown.
That's the vicinity
of the first clue.
You happen to know
where that eminent hostelry
might be?
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I do.
Robin and I had lunch there
when I was
chauffeuring him around,
scouting locations
for this book.
Oh, how droll.
Shall we, then?
Bye, guys.
MAGNUM: And so, the Great
Treasure of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt was on.
And the great literary flash
from Mount Kisco and I
were off running on a road
straight to a million.
But for some of the others,
this road might prove to be
a little more serpentine.
How you doing?
Close.
To the treasure?
No. To figuring out
the first clue.
What I can't understand is
why we just can't
skip all this clue stuff
and go straight to where
the treasure's buried.
Because, if you had read
the book...
I read the book.
I've read all of
Robin Masters' books.
And Mad Buck Gibson
and Tolstoy.
But that still doesn't tell me
how come we just can't
zip to the treasure,
skip all this
clue and other stuff.
Because we have
to substantiate
to Amy Griswald
and to Magnum
that we did in fact
figure out all the clues.
You know,
where we need to start
is that Hawaiian village
that Dawkins and his crew
found when they first landed.
Okay, okay, where is it?
That's what I'm trying
to figure out
if you'll let me.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay. Listen to this.
"The high priest
Kalaniopu'u's village
"was nestled in a beach alcove
surrounded by a peaceful
placid harbor
"large enough to accommodate
Captain Dawkins'
three masters..."
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Fisherman's Wharf.
Fisherman's Wharf.
Go on, go on, go on.
All right!
"lt was guarded
by an ancient banyan tree
that rose majestically..."
Oh! The Federal Building.
Ha! Let's go.
All right. Don't drive fast
enough to get us killed.
(HOOTlNG)
DONNA: Slow down.
T.C.: We'll have
all of our lives to slow down.
Watch it.
Do you have to be so clumsy?
Tr?s ?l?gant.
Well, fortunately,
we'll only have to endure
this deplorable situation
one night.
Then what?
We go to where
the next clue takes us.
Where's that?
Would you... Shh!
Will you please
give me some credit?
Fine, but give me
some credit, too.
We are a team, aren't we?
We are not a team.
I am the supervisor
of this contest.
You are working for me.
Your job is to keep away
the weirdoes and the kooks.
Oh, okay, I can see
how that could be a problem.
Watch it!
(CHUCKLlNG)
Look, look, I can't tell you
where the specific
clue sites are.
There's no need
for you to know.
There is a need to protect me.
So, come on,
let's just get registered.
Ms. Griswald.
Here you are, 201 2,
the honeymoon suite.
You're hardly serious.
It's on the computer.
I think you made
a mistake there.
No mistake.
It's on the computer.
I don't care if it's etched
in Paleolithic granite,
this is clearly unacceptable.
We are supposed to have
adjoining but separate rooms.
You're not married?
BOTH: No!
Look, Mr. Kono,
my company made
these reservations
three weeks ago.
Two rooms.
Maybe the computer
did make a mistake.
The computer does not
make mistakes.
Maybe you made a mistake.
I know I did.
I'm terribly sorry,
but it'd be very difficult
to move you
as there's a whole convention
staying here.
The Royal Order
of Water Buffaloes
from Dayton, Ohio.
You're kidding.
No, ma'am.
Well, then move them! Now!
Or I'll have this place
reduced to rubble! Rubble!
Do you hear me?
Maybe we can work
something out.
You'd better.
Hey, pal, you can have
my room.
I wouldn't wish that
on anyone,
even my worst enemy.
Come on, Magnum, on your feet.
Everything is taken care of.
Now all we have to do
is find the damn place.
Listen, I know it's here
somewhere.
KlKA: Hey, you'd better
find it, brah,
otherwise we'll be
out a cool million,
you know?
And that'll be the end
of our beautiful partnership.
I got it.
Hey, listen, Kika,
are you sure
that we're headed
in the right direction?
Of course I'm sure, Doc.
(LAUGHlNG)
The village of Kalaniopu'u
is the village
of my ancestors.
Yeah, the village
of your ancestors
has not been in existence
for some 200 years.
We Hawaiians have a great
oral tradition.
Well, I hope that this haole
and this Hawaiian
have a terrific future.
Hey, listen, Kika, what are
you gonna do
with all that money?
Are you gonna buy out
the petty cab industry?
(LAUGHlNG)
Are you kidding, man?
I'm gonna live!
No more peddling around
those over-sized tricycles,
you know, all over town.
Hey, I'm gonna be
like Magnum, you know.
My own estate.
My own red sports car.
Maybe I'll become a Pl, too.
Hey, Doc, you and me
are gonna go downtown,
find that cash
and live like kings.
Like King Kamehameha, huh?
You got it.
All right, this is fun.
Let's go.
MAGNUM: If they only knew
what fun I was really having.
I mean, it was bad enough
being stuck doing
this silly job
with the supercilious
Amy Griswald,
but I was also missing
the Detroit-Toronto game
which was being beamed
at this very moment
Iive and direct from Canada
via satellite
to Robin's new dish
and my comfortable
old guest house.
My options here
were sadly more limited.
(WOODY WOODPECKER LAUGHING)
And, so far, I was really
having a hard time
figuring out what I was really
supposed to be doing.
I knew we were
in the general vicinity
of the first clue,
but Ms. Griswald refused
to even tell me specifically
where it was.
As if I even cared,
not being eligible anyway.
It was the kind of evening
where I even found myself
rooting for Woody
to fall out of his tree.
(DOOR OPENS)
Ms. Griswald?
(AMY SCREAMS)
Amy.
(AMY SCREAMS)
Oh.
You okay?
(SCREAMS)
No! It's me, it's me. It's me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's okay.
(EXCLAlMS)
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Physically. Physically, yes.
Emotionally, psychologically,
(WATER RUNNlNG)
and in terms of every
woman's angst, no.
(SCREAMS)
No, no, you're fine,
you're fine.
It's okay.
Yeah.
All right?
Yeah.
What happened?
Two intruders broke in
and tried to steal
the first clue.
Did they get it?
(SCOFFS)
It's all right here.
Well, that's just great.
That's great.
How am I supposed
to protect the integrity
of this contest,
not to mention you,
if you don't confide in me?
You're right.
This is all getting
too weird.
Okay, I'll tell you
where it is.
Great.
But you've also got
to tell me one thing.
What?
Just where the hell
do you expect me
to sleep tonight?
MAGNUM:
Amy was only half right.
Not only were things
getting "too weird, "
they were also getting
too dangerous.
And it wasn't only her
I was concerned about.
All my friends
were involved, too.
T.C.: Okay. It's here.
Where?
You'd really need
a bulldozer to dig up
all this cement.
Not necessarily.
The majestic banyan tree.
Deeper.
Any deeper and we're talking
China here.
We found it. We did it.
(SHUSHlNG)
They'll hear you.
Let's have a look.
T.C.: Well, great.
We found it,
but what does it mean?
DONNA: I think I know
what it means.
I think I know.
Well, what? What?
Hi.
What are you doing?
What are you doing here?
T.C.
Take it easy.
The same as you are.
I'm after the treasure.
You followed us!
I thought you had a plan.
Yeah, that's it.
I can live on a third
of a million bucks real easy.
Now let's cover
this boulder up
before someone else knows
where to find it.
No, no you can't.
That's one of the rules
of the contest.
You can't alter or disfigure
an exposed clue
or you're disqualified.
I'm going to alter
and disfigure him.
Just take it easy, you can't.
We're friends and now
we're partners.
Oh, we're history.
You're under arrest
for destruction
of public property.
You're relieved, Officer.
Downtown wants us
to cordon off the area.
Right. Mahalo.
MAGNUM: So far,
it wasn't a particularly
auspicious night
nor an auspicious beginning
for the Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt.
I mean, spending the night
folded up on my couch
while Amy Griswald slept
peacefully in my bed,
no doubt dreaming dreams
of what she'd like to do
to Norman Mailer
and Ernest Hemingway,
was not my idea of fun.
But I suppose
where Rick, T. C. and Donna
spent theirs
wasn't a night
at the Ritz either.
RlCK: Come on, Lieutenant,
you gotta let us out of here.
You don't know
what's at stake.
What's at stake
is eight hours of sleep
down the drain. Mine.
But, Lieutenant,
we're talking about
a million bucks.
Look, Lieutenant, we'll
cut you in for 100 big ones.
Rick.
All right. A quarter.
You're an equal partner.
I'm a homicide investigator.
Now, why did you ask
to see me?
Because you're the only cop
we know.
And we'd like to consider you
our friend.
And even though
I've only personally known you
for a short period of time,
it's real easy to see
you're a man of grace
and literary sensitivity.
And we knew
once everything was
explained to you,
you'd understand.
And let us go.
Please, don't try to con me.
I've been conned by the best,
like your friend, Magnum.
And I have to say this,
the three of you
are rank amateurs.
So I take it
you're not letting us go?
You destroyed
private property.
You're liable for damages
and so is
the publishing company.
You got to know
that this is going
on your records.
And furthermore...
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Tanaka.
Oh.
Right. No problem.
You're free to go.
How come?
Apparently, there was
a misunderstanding.
The federal authorities
were aware of the boulder
and gave the treasure hunt
people permission.
Only thing was, the anonymous
passerby who called us
didn't know that.
So, good night. Good night.
Mahalo, Lieutenant.
Just stay out of trouble.
(SCREAMlNG)
Oh, I'm sorry. I was...
I was dreaming
about last night,
those two guys, and then
when I woke up,
you were...
Do you know
how to make coffee?
You're not mad, are you?
Mad? Mad? No, of course not.
I mean, why should I be mad?
Being roommates with a...
Don't say it.
How do you know
what I was going to say next?
I'm a good guesser.
And the truth
of the matter is,
whatever you were
going to say,
I deserve it.
I've been disparaging you
and this treasure hunt
ever since
they assigned me to it,
and I know you
were reluctant, too.
And I know that if it
weren't for you
scaring off those guys,
and then talking to the cops
and then taking care
of everything
last night, well,
I'd just be a real
neurotic mess.
(SCOFFlNG)
I guess I'm a real
neurotic mess anyway.
Thank you.
For what?
Everything.
Sure.
Let's just try and make
the best of the rest
of the treasure hunt, okay?
Okay.
So, where's the next clue?
I don't know.
They're supposed to call.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Hello?
Griswald.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Right. We'll be there.
Where?
Where's the next clue?
It doesn't matter.
They actually told me
where the treasure is.
Now all we have to do
is show up
and wait
for the lucky winner
to get there.
Really?
Yeah.
The whole thing?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, because
of what's happened,
they don't want to take
any more chances with me
or the hunt
getting compromised.
In other words,
we're just supervisors now.
We're through
being roommates.
Oh.
(BUZZlNG)
Thanks.
RlCK: A bat!
T.C.: (SlGHlNG)
That was not a bat.
(SCREAMlNG)
That was a bat.
Orville, will you just shut up
and come on?
Now, what's a couple of bats
compared to a million bucks?
(EXCLAlMlNG)
(BAT SQUEAKlNG)
I'm thinking about it.
RlCK: Where's that
First Mate guy anyway? Hey.
DONNA: Let me see. Ah!
Let's see. Okay, here we go.
"First Mate Dick Trevor
was instructed
by Captain Dawkins
"to proceed to
the Cave of the Wild Boar
where he..."
Wild boar. What wild boar?
Shut up.
"...where he was
to await further instructions.
"Unbeknownst to him..."
He was probably
killed by the bats.
Pecked to death.
Probably sucked the blood
right out of his neck.
(BOTH) Shut up.
Well, at any rate,
according to the inscriptions
we found on the rock,
we're in the right cave.
Now, all we have to do
is find First Mate
Dick Trevor.
Sure. He's probably waiting
just around the bend.
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
ALL: You!
What are you guys
doing here?
We're lost.
Investigating.
Investigating what?
How about one million bucks,
investigating?
Mmm-hmm.
You two guys
better come clean.
Listen, after you
were arrested,
the lieutenant called me,
just to make
an official report.
It was really
routine stuff and...
And we decided,
the best course of action,
and since you're all
friends of ours and to avoid
any further complications,
was to investigate more fully.
So...
Yeah, so anyway, we were
looking at the snapshot
of the boulder clue,
and, really, purely
for background purposes,
we kind of went out...
We just picked up
a copy of the book and...
And tried to rip us off.
Mmm-hmm.
And these guys
aren't even registered.
But you are.
Maybe we can be
silent partners.
Silent partners?
That would mean
the split would be...
$200,000.
We can live with that.
Can you?
Unless you want to go back
to the station and answer
a few more questions.
Come on.
I think it's this way.
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
That's it! I'm out of here!
Hold it. Hold it.
(BAYlNG)
Who's in here?
Come out or I'll...
I'll shoot.
You can't shoot people.
Yeah, well,
we can shoot ghosts.
There are no ghosts.
Look, you come out
or I'm coming in.
(BAYlNG CONTlNUES)
I'm gonna count to three.
One, two...
Okay, okay, okay,
we're coming.
How's it, brah?
"How's it, brah?" I'm gonna...
T.C.
What are you guys
doing here?
I believe we share
the same general interests.
I mean how...
It was rather difficult,
actually.
When we got
to the banyan tree,
which, evidently,
you so thoughtfully dug up,
we found there was
nobody there
except two
plainclothes policemen.
And they let you
look at the clue?
Well, no.
Actually, we waited
for them to leave,
only to find that that clue,
that mark on the rock face,
had been hurriedly
painted over.
So my partner Kika and l
removed that boulder,
we took it to my lab
and we took off the paint.
That's what took us so long.
You mean, the cops painted
the rock over?
I guess.
I'm gonna get their names.
That's destruction
of evidence.
That's not important.
What is important is the fact
that right now
the seven of us in this cave
are the only ones who know
the location of this clue.
Obviously, the painted rock
was a dead end
for everybody else,
so the
treasure is ours.
Yeah, that's precisely right.
I apologize for alarming you,
but when we heard the voices
we decided
discretion was the better part
of valor
until we could ascertain
indeed precisely
who it was
that we were dealing with.
Oh, this is wonderful,
wonderful.
How many times does seven
go into a million?
One hundred and forty...
...two thousand
eight hundred...
...and 57 dollars...
...and 14 cents.
I knew it!
Where is this clue?
Right over here.
For in the book, remember,
First Mate Dick Trevor
swallowed that map
just before he was killed.
Well, where is it?
The suspense is killing me.
HlGGlNS: Oh, my God.
The treasure is here?
Apparently.
Buried beneath my prized bed
of grandiflora
Queen Elizabeths?
Evidently.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm just a hired hand.
How? When?
I don't know.
Maybe it happened
last weekend
when you were on Maui
and I was at my
economics seminar.
How could Mr. Masters
do this to me?
Calm yourself,
Jonathan.
It probably wasn't Robin,
Mr. Higgins.
I'm sure it was
the company's idea,
because in the book
the implication was
that the treasure was
finally located
in a tropical garden.
You know, just before
the oh-so-tragic ending.
And this being
Robin's property,
the advance man,
the genius
who figured all this out,
probably figured this was
the closest thing
we had to one.
You know, a million dollars
is a million dollars.
We couldn't very well
just bury it anywhere.
On behalf of the company,
I do apologize.
And I'm sure any damage
to your flowerbed
will be compensated.
That is not the point.
Jonathan, please.
You'll have a stroke.
I don't care. I...
Ms. Griswald,
telephone, Ms. Griswald.
Will you just excuse me
for a moment?
I still don't see why
my grandiflora
Queen Elizabeths
had to perish for the sake
of a cheap publicity stunt.
I'm sure when all this
is over, Higgins,
you can get some
new flowers.
They're not just flowers.
They're...
AMY: Big trouble.
I'm glad you
finally realize that.
I'm not talking
about the roses,
Mr. Higgins.
That was Channel 8 news.
Somehow, they've stumbled upon
some of the treasure hunters
at the cave
and they've sent a crew
up there to do
a story on them.
I've got to get up there,
because if any of those clue
sites appear on television,
the whole contest will be
compromised.
I'll go with you.
No, you won't.
I mean, you can't.
You've got to stay here
with the money.
But...
And if any of the entrants
are smart enough
to have figured this part out,
you must supervise
the unearthing.
I'll be back
just as soon as I can.
MAGNUM: But...
Please do as I ask.
I don't want to lose
my job,
intellectually degrading
as it may be.
I know how you feel,
Higgins,
but sometimes the whims
of the rich and powerful
can be very capricious.
But I know
you'll get over it, really.
He's right, Jonathan.
And after all,
how much worse
can things get?
(HONKlNG)
RlCK: Let's go for it.
KlKA: Dig! Let's go! Dig!
All right! Dig!
My God, there's nothing there.
I demand an explanation.
From me? Why me?
Because you are in charge
of this contest.
I'm not in charge
of this contest.
Amy Griswald is, or was.
My job was to try
and keep it honest.
Performed, I might add,
in your typically superlative
fashion.
Where is the million dollars?
I don't know.
All this death and mutilation
for naught, for naught.
Really. The treasure
should have been here.
This is the most specifically
delineated clue of the lot.
There can be no mistaking it.
Unless it was a plant.
It was many plants.
Oh, that's not
what I'm talking about.
Then, what, pray tell,
are you talking about?
Doc, what did those cops
who guarded the banyan tree
look like?
One was blonde, baby-faced.
The other was
a little taller with
a pencil-thin mustache
Iike Boston Blackie?
Remember him?
No.
But I bet you
Amy Griswald does.
Magnum, as usual,
you're not making any sense.
Oh, yes, I am.
Look, you take those
mystery intruders
in Amy's motel room,
you add a couple of phony cops
with a can of paint,
and a mysterious phone call
from Channel 8
and you're gonna come up
with a couple of guys
named Doug Fenwick
and Terry Dobbs
in collusion with
Ms. Mount Kisco.
I mean, don't you see?
She was spoon-feeding them
the clues as she got them
from the accounting firm.
But after the manufactured
incident at the motel,
well, they just panicked
and gave her
the whole ball of wax.
Which she handed to them.
Right!
That's a very interesting
theory, Mr. Magnum.
Thank you.
Yeah, and while they're off
stealing the treasure,
we're sitting here
discussing it.
So this bogus clue
from the skeleton
is nothing more
than a classic case
of misdirection.
So what are we
gonna do about it?
Good question. What?
Yes, Magnum. What?
We go back to the book.
MAGNUM: The last chapter,
right where it gets
real tragic.
If James does not
make it here, Maggie,
it will not be
because he did not try,
nor does not love you.
It is simply
the Lord's will.
Was it the Lord's will
for him to steal the treasure?
But that was Spanish treasure.
We are at war with them,
Maggie.
Captain James Dawkins
was merely doing his duty.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I'll die not having known
what it was like
to be with him.
To have him as my husband.
We never should have
left England.
Aye, I'll chug one to that,
milady.
None of us should have left.
James.
Maggie.
Maggie.
At last, we're together.
Yes, yes.
The four of us.
We must go quickly.
Our only hope is to...
My God, Maggie.
We must flee.
Perhaps now
we can be together.
Yes. Always.
Wow, that's really tragic.
I should have read the book.
And Robin Masters should have
done his research.
Spain didn't enter
the Anglo-Franco war
until 1762.
Yes, but who cares?
The point is that they
jumped off the cliff.
Right, but listen
to this last paragraph.
"And so the brave
Captain Dawkins and
his true love, Maggie Brown,
"plunged hand in hand
over the precipice
"into the brutally churning
waters below.
"And even though
they did indeed perish,
"their love would live
on and on."
What treacle.
I kind of liked it.
That's not the point.
My dear, what is the point?
The point is, there are no
churning fresh waters
on Oahu.
Exactly.
But this is fiction.
Yeah, but the scouting trip
I took Robin on
before he wrote the book
wasn't.
He just used
a little literary license.
I know exactly
where they are.
MAGNUM: I know
what you're thinking.
Given what happened earlier,
we were walking
into a certain trap.
I knew that.
But what Amy and her cohorts
didn't know
was what could happen when
the trappers
became the trapees.
Nobody move.
I think.
Don't try anything stupid,
guys.
Jump.
All of you.
You can't be serious.
Down there?
In the water?
In the water.
Look, guys, I think there's
room for discussion here.
Why don't we...
No. No more talk.
We're through talking.
Everybody over the side,
in the drink.
Come on. I mean,
we're all rational
human beings.
I mean, why don't we try
and work something out?
After all, there's
more than enough
to go around here.
AMY: Not necessarily.
Everyone stay
exactly as you are.
The Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt is history.
Time for the grand finale,
right now.
You know, I don't think
you're going to be doing
much book editing anymore.
Unless you and these bozos
plan on doing
some prison writing.
There's something about
a $1 million payday
that can make you
lose your zeal
for working.
Now do as we say.
We've got a plane to catch.
I think you're bluffing.
That's it, I think
a swim will be just fine.
Stay right there, Rick.
(HELlCOPTER WHlRRlNG)
Get the rope!
Come on.
(LAUGHlNG)
I got it! I got it!
Money, money, money, money.
(SPLASHlNG)
(LAUGHlNG)
I'm sorry you lost your
grandiflora Queen Elizabeths
over this.
Thank you, Magnum.
The gesture is appreciated.
But I suppose that when
one works,
as we do, for someone
as eccentric
and as anarchically impulsive
as Mr. Masters,
we must expect
the unexpected
and learn to live with
the somewhat absurd
vagaries of his work.
You're right, Higgins.
I guess you and I'll
be doing this for a long time,
too, huh?
You know, together.
Yes, as a matter of fact,
always.
(SCREAMlNG)
(SPLASH)
they have buried
$1 million.
They are conducting
a treasure hunt...
Buried on this island?
A million dollars?
Take the chest and keep going.
You really think someone's
going to come after you
to get to the clues?
(SCREAMlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
Dig! Let's go. Dig! All right!
(SCREAMlNG)
That was a bat.
I guess I'm a real
neurotic mess, anyway.
Let's just try and make
the best of the rest
of the treasure hunt, okay?
(SCREAMlNG)
MAN: Jump. All of you.
You can't be serious.
Down there?
In the water?
In the water.
Look, guys, I think there's
room for discussion here.
Why don't we...
No. No more talk.
We're through talking.
Everybody over the side,
in the drink.
Come on. I mean,
we're all rational
human beings.
I mean, why don't we try
and work something out?
After all, there's
more than enough
to go around here.
WOMAN: Not necessarily.
Everyone stay
exactly as you are.
The Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt is history.
Time for the grand finale,
right now.
MAGNUM: I suppose you're
all wondering how we got
into this mess.
A fair question.
Well, it all started
a very long time ago.
In the year 1759, to be exact.
And someplace
right around here.
Move! Blast ye!
The heathen Kalaniopu'u
is upon us.
Come on, faster.
Aye, Captain Dawkins.
Aye.
DAWKlNS:
Come on now, boys, let's run.
Faster, me boys.
Come on, boys.
You and you,
take the chest and keep going.
We'll rendezvous
at the Cave of the Wild Boar
where waits Reverend Brown.
And Maggie.
Aye, Maggie.
But, Captain,
what about you?
Here we'll stand. Go!
Gentlemen, load your muskets.
Send them to hell!
MAGNUM: A real cliffhanger.
But considering
what happened next,
I'd have to say
that Captain Dawkins
and his band of pirates
may have been
the lucky ones.
After all, they were
just fiction.
Everything else was reality.
(KNOCKlNG)
HlGGlNS: Magnum.
I say, Magnum.
MAGNUM: Sort of.
Why don't you knock?
Knock? I veritably tore
the door from its hinges
in a vain attempt
at civilized entry.
You are late.
Late? Late where?
To the Kalanianaole Pavilion
on the Windward Coast.
The what?
Higgins, come on,
I had a rough six hours
at the university last night.
No doubt with that overeager,
underaged coed
you've been seeing.
That overeager,
underaged coed
is my tutor.
Spare me the euphemism.
She is!
In what subject?
Advanced debauchery?
Business administration.
Dear me.
Whatever for?
To improve the economic side
of my business.
Never mind.
Why are you here
and what am I late for?
I'm here about
The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u.
That's my copy.
I bought and paid for it
with my own money.
It seems that Robin Masters'
publishing company
has come up with
a cheap gimmick
unworthy of Mr. Masters,
in my opinion,
to increase
the paperback sales
of The Treasure.
Oh, well,
I did my part.
Somewhere on this island
they have buried
$1 million.
As did the character
Captain Dawkins
in the novel.
And they are conducting
a treasure hunt
based on the incidents
in the book
to spur sales.
A million dollars?
A mere write-off for them.
A million dollars?
And in the long run
much more valuable with
the expected increase in sales
plus a potential
motion picture.
Be that as it may...
Buried on this island?
A million dollars?
Be that as it may,
you have been volunteered
by Mr. Masters,
who, I might add,
finds the whole thing
as unseemly as I do
and has fled indefinitely
to the south of France
to coordinate this charade
with a representative
from the publishing company.
Boy, think of the tax problems
I'm gonna have, Higgins.
Think of your duty, Magnum.
Huh?
Your tax problems
are irrelevant.
Why?
If I find a million dollars...
Have you not heard a word
I've said?
You are an employee
of Mr. Masters
in this venture.
You are, therefore,
not eligible.
Not eligible?
And late.
AMY: Very late, Mr. Magnum.
I trust this isn't
a harbinger of your
future work habits.
Thirty-nine down.
What?
"Something that foreshadows
or presages what is to come."
Last Sunday's
New York Times
crossword puzzle.
Thirty-nine down.
Harbinger.
You probably cheated.
Why do you need
our medical insurance?
In case anything happens.
I did not cheat, Miss...
Ms. Griswald. Amy.
Mount Kisco, New York.
And I bet you did cheat.
Well, we'll never know,
will we?
What I would like to know
is what my
"future work habits" entail.
You know, consist of.
Be consistent with.
Inevitably involve.
Oh, I don't think he cheated,
Ms. Griswald.
Yes, thank you. Good luck.
What your job
inevitably involves,
Mr. Magnum,
is helping me keep
this treasure hunt honest.
Fine. Honest.
Yo, Thomas!
Where do I sign up?
Ah. Wow, this is great.
One million simoleons.
And all I gotta do
is read this here
pirate book.
Rick, I think you're
gonna have to do more
than just read it.
You're gonna have
to read into it.
You are required to take
225-year-old clues
and translate that into
a search throughout
modern Oahu.
Starting here, the site
of the pagan sacrifice,
as so colorfully depicted
in the novel.
Yeah, right.
Pagan sacrifice, great stuff.
Here, baby.
Rick, I don't think
this is going to be that easy.
Who cares?
I have a plan.
They all do.
It is kind of silly, isn't it?
Kind of?
I think it's absolutely
the most foolish stunt
to hit the literary world
since the Howard Hughes will.
I know that I did not
torturously apply myself
to the taskmasters
at Bennington,
then slave in
the publishing houses
along Madison Avenue
for the past 10 years
to wind up doing...
Doing this.
I'd rather be undertaking
what I've been trained to do,
editing Norman Mailer.
With a saber, of course.
MAN: Or what about a scalpel?
MAGNUM: Doc lbold?
Why not?
I could make very good use
of that money.
I can buy
a new set of golf clubs.
And I shall swear
to my patients
that I'll only hunt
for that treasure
on Wednesdays and weekends.
Hey, like, I'm curious.
Are there, like, other prizes
for finding most of the clues
or something? Like...
Like a computer?
It's all or nothing,
young man.
Oh, okay.
Hey, like, I'm also curious,
Ms. Griswald.
I mean, what am l
supposed to be doing here?
Protecting you?
I mean, because you know
where all the clues are and
the treasure's hidden, right?
Wrong.
I trust your mental deductions
in your chosen field
aren't as haphazardly
thought out as those
or you'd probably be
bumming off the good graces
of Robin Masters
instead of working.
Now, the clues will be
sent to me one at a time
by the prestigious
accounting firm
of Fletcher and Kilroy
in New York to
insure my safety.
And honesty.
I mean, it's just
a haphazard deduction.
Listen, I'll see you,
Thomas.
Oh, bye, Doc.
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Magnum.
I'm here to become
rich and famous,
along with my lovely
and charming partner.
Hi.
Cards are over there.
Oh.
Hi, I'm Thomas Magnum.
I don't think we've met.
Donna Clemens.
I teach literature
over at the university.
AMY: (SCOFFlNG)
This is hardly literature.
Well, good luck.
I think the contest starts
in about...
Exactly 12:00.
Great. Great.
And we will be ready.
Research materials.
We'll be right back
with these cards.
My dear.
Safety.
You really think someone's
going to come after you
to get to the clues?
Who knows?
And who the hell cares?
Excuse me.
Doug Fenwick and Terry Dobbs,
direct from Beantown.
We're here to sign up
for the treasure hunt.
ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
(FlRES)
(ALL SHOUTlNG)
Oh, Jonathan, isn't this
jolly good fun?
Well, they're off and running.
In pursuit of
the quintessential
sucker's bet.
Why? One of them's gonna win.
And the rest?
I reiterate, Magnum.
This is dumb.
MAGNUM: Well, it wasn't
Robin's idea.
Maybe.
But if he were
a serious novelist addressing
the human condition
in an incisive
and intellectual manner,
we certainly
wouldn't be here doing this.
At least,
I wouldn't be here.
Well, maybe Robin
is addressing
the human condition.
Yes? How so?
What bleak aspect
of human nature
is Robin Masters exploring
in The Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u?
Greed.
Well, where to,
Ms. Griswald?
The Blue Coral Reef Hotel
near downtown.
That's the vicinity
of the first clue.
You happen to know
where that eminent hostelry
might be?
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I do.
Robin and I had lunch there
when I was
chauffeuring him around,
scouting locations
for this book.
Oh, how droll.
Shall we, then?
Bye, guys.
MAGNUM: And so, the Great
Treasure of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt was on.
And the great literary flash
from Mount Kisco and I
were off running on a road
straight to a million.
But for some of the others,
this road might prove to be
a little more serpentine.
How you doing?
Close.
To the treasure?
No. To figuring out
the first clue.
What I can't understand is
why we just can't
skip all this clue stuff
and go straight to where
the treasure's buried.
Because, if you had read
the book...
I read the book.
I've read all of
Robin Masters' books.
And Mad Buck Gibson
and Tolstoy.
But that still doesn't tell me
how come we just can't
zip to the treasure,
skip all this
clue and other stuff.
Because we have
to substantiate
to Amy Griswald
and to Magnum
that we did in fact
figure out all the clues.
You know,
where we need to start
is that Hawaiian village
that Dawkins and his crew
found when they first landed.
Okay, okay, where is it?
That's what I'm trying
to figure out
if you'll let me.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay. Listen to this.
"The high priest
Kalaniopu'u's village
"was nestled in a beach alcove
surrounded by a peaceful
placid harbor
"large enough to accommodate
Captain Dawkins'
three masters..."
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Fisherman's Wharf.
Fisherman's Wharf.
Go on, go on, go on.
All right!
"lt was guarded
by an ancient banyan tree
that rose majestically..."
Oh! The Federal Building.
Ha! Let's go.
All right. Don't drive fast
enough to get us killed.
(HOOTlNG)
DONNA: Slow down.
T.C.: We'll have
all of our lives to slow down.
Watch it.
Do you have to be so clumsy?
Tr?s ?l?gant.
Well, fortunately,
we'll only have to endure
this deplorable situation
one night.
Then what?
We go to where
the next clue takes us.
Where's that?
Would you... Shh!
Will you please
give me some credit?
Fine, but give me
some credit, too.
We are a team, aren't we?
We are not a team.
I am the supervisor
of this contest.
You are working for me.
Your job is to keep away
the weirdoes and the kooks.
Oh, okay, I can see
how that could be a problem.
Watch it!
(CHUCKLlNG)
Look, look, I can't tell you
where the specific
clue sites are.
There's no need
for you to know.
There is a need to protect me.
So, come on,
let's just get registered.
Ms. Griswald.
Here you are, 201 2,
the honeymoon suite.
You're hardly serious.
It's on the computer.
I think you made
a mistake there.
No mistake.
It's on the computer.
I don't care if it's etched
in Paleolithic granite,
this is clearly unacceptable.
We are supposed to have
adjoining but separate rooms.
You're not married?
BOTH: No!
Look, Mr. Kono,
my company made
these reservations
three weeks ago.
Two rooms.
Maybe the computer
did make a mistake.
The computer does not
make mistakes.
Maybe you made a mistake.
I know I did.
I'm terribly sorry,
but it'd be very difficult
to move you
as there's a whole convention
staying here.
The Royal Order
of Water Buffaloes
from Dayton, Ohio.
You're kidding.
No, ma'am.
Well, then move them! Now!
Or I'll have this place
reduced to rubble! Rubble!
Do you hear me?
Maybe we can work
something out.
You'd better.
Hey, pal, you can have
my room.
I wouldn't wish that
on anyone,
even my worst enemy.
Come on, Magnum, on your feet.
Everything is taken care of.
Now all we have to do
is find the damn place.
Listen, I know it's here
somewhere.
KlKA: Hey, you'd better
find it, brah,
otherwise we'll be
out a cool million,
you know?
And that'll be the end
of our beautiful partnership.
I got it.
Hey, listen, Kika,
are you sure
that we're headed
in the right direction?
Of course I'm sure, Doc.
(LAUGHlNG)
The village of Kalaniopu'u
is the village
of my ancestors.
Yeah, the village
of your ancestors
has not been in existence
for some 200 years.
We Hawaiians have a great
oral tradition.
Well, I hope that this haole
and this Hawaiian
have a terrific future.
Hey, listen, Kika, what are
you gonna do
with all that money?
Are you gonna buy out
the petty cab industry?
(LAUGHlNG)
Are you kidding, man?
I'm gonna live!
No more peddling around
those over-sized tricycles,
you know, all over town.
Hey, I'm gonna be
like Magnum, you know.
My own estate.
My own red sports car.
Maybe I'll become a Pl, too.
Hey, Doc, you and me
are gonna go downtown,
find that cash
and live like kings.
Like King Kamehameha, huh?
You got it.
All right, this is fun.
Let's go.
MAGNUM: If they only knew
what fun I was really having.
I mean, it was bad enough
being stuck doing
this silly job
with the supercilious
Amy Griswald,
but I was also missing
the Detroit-Toronto game
which was being beamed
at this very moment
Iive and direct from Canada
via satellite
to Robin's new dish
and my comfortable
old guest house.
My options here
were sadly more limited.
(WOODY WOODPECKER LAUGHING)
And, so far, I was really
having a hard time
figuring out what I was really
supposed to be doing.
I knew we were
in the general vicinity
of the first clue,
but Ms. Griswald refused
to even tell me specifically
where it was.
As if I even cared,
not being eligible anyway.
It was the kind of evening
where I even found myself
rooting for Woody
to fall out of his tree.
(DOOR OPENS)
Ms. Griswald?
(AMY SCREAMS)
Amy.
(AMY SCREAMS)
Oh.
You okay?
(SCREAMS)
No! It's me, it's me. It's me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's okay.
(EXCLAlMS)
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Physically. Physically, yes.
Emotionally, psychologically,
(WATER RUNNlNG)
and in terms of every
woman's angst, no.
(SCREAMS)
No, no, you're fine,
you're fine.
It's okay.
Yeah.
All right?
Yeah.
What happened?
Two intruders broke in
and tried to steal
the first clue.
Did they get it?
(SCOFFS)
It's all right here.
Well, that's just great.
That's great.
How am I supposed
to protect the integrity
of this contest,
not to mention you,
if you don't confide in me?
You're right.
This is all getting
too weird.
Okay, I'll tell you
where it is.
Great.
But you've also got
to tell me one thing.
What?
Just where the hell
do you expect me
to sleep tonight?
MAGNUM:
Amy was only half right.
Not only were things
getting "too weird, "
they were also getting
too dangerous.
And it wasn't only her
I was concerned about.
All my friends
were involved, too.
T.C.: Okay. It's here.
Where?
You'd really need
a bulldozer to dig up
all this cement.
Not necessarily.
The majestic banyan tree.
Deeper.
Any deeper and we're talking
China here.
We found it. We did it.
(SHUSHlNG)
They'll hear you.
Let's have a look.
T.C.: Well, great.
We found it,
but what does it mean?
DONNA: I think I know
what it means.
I think I know.
Well, what? What?
Hi.
What are you doing?
What are you doing here?
T.C.
Take it easy.
The same as you are.
I'm after the treasure.
You followed us!
I thought you had a plan.
Yeah, that's it.
I can live on a third
of a million bucks real easy.
Now let's cover
this boulder up
before someone else knows
where to find it.
No, no you can't.
That's one of the rules
of the contest.
You can't alter or disfigure
an exposed clue
or you're disqualified.
I'm going to alter
and disfigure him.
Just take it easy, you can't.
We're friends and now
we're partners.
Oh, we're history.
You're under arrest
for destruction
of public property.
You're relieved, Officer.
Downtown wants us
to cordon off the area.
Right. Mahalo.
MAGNUM: So far,
it wasn't a particularly
auspicious night
nor an auspicious beginning
for the Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt.
I mean, spending the night
folded up on my couch
while Amy Griswald slept
peacefully in my bed,
no doubt dreaming dreams
of what she'd like to do
to Norman Mailer
and Ernest Hemingway,
was not my idea of fun.
But I suppose
where Rick, T. C. and Donna
spent theirs
wasn't a night
at the Ritz either.
RlCK: Come on, Lieutenant,
you gotta let us out of here.
You don't know
what's at stake.
What's at stake
is eight hours of sleep
down the drain. Mine.
But, Lieutenant,
we're talking about
a million bucks.
Look, Lieutenant, we'll
cut you in for 100 big ones.
Rick.
All right. A quarter.
You're an equal partner.
I'm a homicide investigator.
Now, why did you ask
to see me?
Because you're the only cop
we know.
And we'd like to consider you
our friend.
And even though
I've only personally known you
for a short period of time,
it's real easy to see
you're a man of grace
and literary sensitivity.
And we knew
once everything was
explained to you,
you'd understand.
And let us go.
Please, don't try to con me.
I've been conned by the best,
like your friend, Magnum.
And I have to say this,
the three of you
are rank amateurs.
So I take it
you're not letting us go?
You destroyed
private property.
You're liable for damages
and so is
the publishing company.
You got to know
that this is going
on your records.
And furthermore...
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Tanaka.
Oh.
Right. No problem.
You're free to go.
How come?
Apparently, there was
a misunderstanding.
The federal authorities
were aware of the boulder
and gave the treasure hunt
people permission.
Only thing was, the anonymous
passerby who called us
didn't know that.
So, good night. Good night.
Mahalo, Lieutenant.
Just stay out of trouble.
(SCREAMlNG)
Oh, I'm sorry. I was...
I was dreaming
about last night,
those two guys, and then
when I woke up,
you were...
Do you know
how to make coffee?
You're not mad, are you?
Mad? Mad? No, of course not.
I mean, why should I be mad?
Being roommates with a...
Don't say it.
How do you know
what I was going to say next?
I'm a good guesser.
And the truth
of the matter is,
whatever you were
going to say,
I deserve it.
I've been disparaging you
and this treasure hunt
ever since
they assigned me to it,
and I know you
were reluctant, too.
And I know that if it
weren't for you
scaring off those guys,
and then talking to the cops
and then taking care
of everything
last night, well,
I'd just be a real
neurotic mess.
(SCOFFlNG)
I guess I'm a real
neurotic mess anyway.
Thank you.
For what?
Everything.
Sure.
Let's just try and make
the best of the rest
of the treasure hunt, okay?
Okay.
So, where's the next clue?
I don't know.
They're supposed to call.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Hello?
Griswald.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Right. We'll be there.
Where?
Where's the next clue?
It doesn't matter.
They actually told me
where the treasure is.
Now all we have to do
is show up
and wait
for the lucky winner
to get there.
Really?
Yeah.
The whole thing?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, because
of what's happened,
they don't want to take
any more chances with me
or the hunt
getting compromised.
In other words,
we're just supervisors now.
We're through
being roommates.
Oh.
(BUZZlNG)
Thanks.
RlCK: A bat!
T.C.: (SlGHlNG)
That was not a bat.
(SCREAMlNG)
That was a bat.
Orville, will you just shut up
and come on?
Now, what's a couple of bats
compared to a million bucks?
(EXCLAlMlNG)
(BAT SQUEAKlNG)
I'm thinking about it.
RlCK: Where's that
First Mate guy anyway? Hey.
DONNA: Let me see. Ah!
Let's see. Okay, here we go.
"First Mate Dick Trevor
was instructed
by Captain Dawkins
"to proceed to
the Cave of the Wild Boar
where he..."
Wild boar. What wild boar?
Shut up.
"...where he was
to await further instructions.
"Unbeknownst to him..."
He was probably
killed by the bats.
Pecked to death.
Probably sucked the blood
right out of his neck.
(BOTH) Shut up.
Well, at any rate,
according to the inscriptions
we found on the rock,
we're in the right cave.
Now, all we have to do
is find First Mate
Dick Trevor.
Sure. He's probably waiting
just around the bend.
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
ALL: You!
What are you guys
doing here?
We're lost.
Investigating.
Investigating what?
How about one million bucks,
investigating?
Mmm-hmm.
You two guys
better come clean.
Listen, after you
were arrested,
the lieutenant called me,
just to make
an official report.
It was really
routine stuff and...
And we decided,
the best course of action,
and since you're all
friends of ours and to avoid
any further complications,
was to investigate more fully.
So...
Yeah, so anyway, we were
looking at the snapshot
of the boulder clue,
and, really, purely
for background purposes,
we kind of went out...
We just picked up
a copy of the book and...
And tried to rip us off.
Mmm-hmm.
And these guys
aren't even registered.
But you are.
Maybe we can be
silent partners.
Silent partners?
That would mean
the split would be...
$200,000.
We can live with that.
Can you?
Unless you want to go back
to the station and answer
a few more questions.
Come on.
I think it's this way.
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
That's it! I'm out of here!
Hold it. Hold it.
(BAYlNG)
Who's in here?
Come out or I'll...
I'll shoot.
You can't shoot people.
Yeah, well,
we can shoot ghosts.
There are no ghosts.
Look, you come out
or I'm coming in.
(BAYlNG CONTlNUES)
I'm gonna count to three.
One, two...
Okay, okay, okay,
we're coming.
How's it, brah?
"How's it, brah?" I'm gonna...
T.C.
What are you guys
doing here?
I believe we share
the same general interests.
I mean how...
It was rather difficult,
actually.
When we got
to the banyan tree,
which, evidently,
you so thoughtfully dug up,
we found there was
nobody there
except two
plainclothes policemen.
And they let you
look at the clue?
Well, no.
Actually, we waited
for them to leave,
only to find that that clue,
that mark on the rock face,
had been hurriedly
painted over.
So my partner Kika and l
removed that boulder,
we took it to my lab
and we took off the paint.
That's what took us so long.
You mean, the cops painted
the rock over?
I guess.
I'm gonna get their names.
That's destruction
of evidence.
That's not important.
What is important is the fact
that right now
the seven of us in this cave
are the only ones who know
the location of this clue.
Obviously, the painted rock
was a dead end
for everybody else,
so the
treasure is ours.
Yeah, that's precisely right.
I apologize for alarming you,
but when we heard the voices
we decided
discretion was the better part
of valor
until we could ascertain
indeed precisely
who it was
that we were dealing with.
Oh, this is wonderful,
wonderful.
How many times does seven
go into a million?
One hundred and forty...
...two thousand
eight hundred...
...and 57 dollars...
...and 14 cents.
I knew it!
Where is this clue?
Right over here.
For in the book, remember,
First Mate Dick Trevor
swallowed that map
just before he was killed.
Well, where is it?
The suspense is killing me.
HlGGlNS: Oh, my God.
The treasure is here?
Apparently.
Buried beneath my prized bed
of grandiflora
Queen Elizabeths?
Evidently.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm just a hired hand.
How? When?
I don't know.
Maybe it happened
last weekend
when you were on Maui
and I was at my
economics seminar.
How could Mr. Masters
do this to me?
Calm yourself,
Jonathan.
It probably wasn't Robin,
Mr. Higgins.
I'm sure it was
the company's idea,
because in the book
the implication was
that the treasure was
finally located
in a tropical garden.
You know, just before
the oh-so-tragic ending.
And this being
Robin's property,
the advance man,
the genius
who figured all this out,
probably figured this was
the closest thing
we had to one.
You know, a million dollars
is a million dollars.
We couldn't very well
just bury it anywhere.
On behalf of the company,
I do apologize.
And I'm sure any damage
to your flowerbed
will be compensated.
That is not the point.
Jonathan, please.
You'll have a stroke.
I don't care. I...
Ms. Griswald,
telephone, Ms. Griswald.
Will you just excuse me
for a moment?
I still don't see why
my grandiflora
Queen Elizabeths
had to perish for the sake
of a cheap publicity stunt.
I'm sure when all this
is over, Higgins,
you can get some
new flowers.
They're not just flowers.
They're...
AMY: Big trouble.
I'm glad you
finally realize that.
I'm not talking
about the roses,
Mr. Higgins.
That was Channel 8 news.
Somehow, they've stumbled upon
some of the treasure hunters
at the cave
and they've sent a crew
up there to do
a story on them.
I've got to get up there,
because if any of those clue
sites appear on television,
the whole contest will be
compromised.
I'll go with you.
No, you won't.
I mean, you can't.
You've got to stay here
with the money.
But...
And if any of the entrants
are smart enough
to have figured this part out,
you must supervise
the unearthing.
I'll be back
just as soon as I can.
MAGNUM: But...
Please do as I ask.
I don't want to lose
my job,
intellectually degrading
as it may be.
I know how you feel,
Higgins,
but sometimes the whims
of the rich and powerful
can be very capricious.
But I know
you'll get over it, really.
He's right, Jonathan.
And after all,
how much worse
can things get?
(HONKlNG)
RlCK: Let's go for it.
KlKA: Dig! Let's go! Dig!
All right! Dig!
My God, there's nothing there.
I demand an explanation.
From me? Why me?
Because you are in charge
of this contest.
I'm not in charge
of this contest.
Amy Griswald is, or was.
My job was to try
and keep it honest.
Performed, I might add,
in your typically superlative
fashion.
Where is the million dollars?
I don't know.
All this death and mutilation
for naught, for naught.
Really. The treasure
should have been here.
This is the most specifically
delineated clue of the lot.
There can be no mistaking it.
Unless it was a plant.
It was many plants.
Oh, that's not
what I'm talking about.
Then, what, pray tell,
are you talking about?
Doc, what did those cops
who guarded the banyan tree
look like?
One was blonde, baby-faced.
The other was
a little taller with
a pencil-thin mustache
Iike Boston Blackie?
Remember him?
No.
But I bet you
Amy Griswald does.
Magnum, as usual,
you're not making any sense.
Oh, yes, I am.
Look, you take those
mystery intruders
in Amy's motel room,
you add a couple of phony cops
with a can of paint,
and a mysterious phone call
from Channel 8
and you're gonna come up
with a couple of guys
named Doug Fenwick
and Terry Dobbs
in collusion with
Ms. Mount Kisco.
I mean, don't you see?
She was spoon-feeding them
the clues as she got them
from the accounting firm.
But after the manufactured
incident at the motel,
well, they just panicked
and gave her
the whole ball of wax.
Which she handed to them.
Right!
That's a very interesting
theory, Mr. Magnum.
Thank you.
Yeah, and while they're off
stealing the treasure,
we're sitting here
discussing it.
So this bogus clue
from the skeleton
is nothing more
than a classic case
of misdirection.
So what are we
gonna do about it?
Good question. What?
Yes, Magnum. What?
We go back to the book.
MAGNUM: The last chapter,
right where it gets
real tragic.
If James does not
make it here, Maggie,
it will not be
because he did not try,
nor does not love you.
It is simply
the Lord's will.
Was it the Lord's will
for him to steal the treasure?
But that was Spanish treasure.
We are at war with them,
Maggie.
Captain James Dawkins
was merely doing his duty.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I'll die not having known
what it was like
to be with him.
To have him as my husband.
We never should have
left England.
Aye, I'll chug one to that,
milady.
None of us should have left.
James.
Maggie.
Maggie.
At last, we're together.
Yes, yes.
The four of us.
We must go quickly.
Our only hope is to...
My God, Maggie.
We must flee.
Perhaps now
we can be together.
Yes. Always.
Wow, that's really tragic.
I should have read the book.
And Robin Masters should have
done his research.
Spain didn't enter
the Anglo-Franco war
until 1762.
Yes, but who cares?
The point is that they
jumped off the cliff.
Right, but listen
to this last paragraph.
"And so the brave
Captain Dawkins and
his true love, Maggie Brown,
"plunged hand in hand
over the precipice
"into the brutally churning
waters below.
"And even though
they did indeed perish,
"their love would live
on and on."
What treacle.
I kind of liked it.
That's not the point.
My dear, what is the point?
The point is, there are no
churning fresh waters
on Oahu.
Exactly.
But this is fiction.
Yeah, but the scouting trip
I took Robin on
before he wrote the book
wasn't.
He just used
a little literary license.
I know exactly
where they are.
MAGNUM: I know
what you're thinking.
Given what happened earlier,
we were walking
into a certain trap.
I knew that.
But what Amy and her cohorts
didn't know
was what could happen when
the trappers
became the trapees.
Nobody move.
I think.
Don't try anything stupid,
guys.
Jump.
All of you.
You can't be serious.
Down there?
In the water?
In the water.
Look, guys, I think there's
room for discussion here.
Why don't we...
No. No more talk.
We're through talking.
Everybody over the side,
in the drink.
Come on. I mean,
we're all rational
human beings.
I mean, why don't we try
and work something out?
After all, there's
more than enough
to go around here.
AMY: Not necessarily.
Everyone stay
exactly as you are.
The Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt is history.
Time for the grand finale,
right now.
You know, I don't think
you're going to be doing
much book editing anymore.
Unless you and these bozos
plan on doing
some prison writing.
There's something about
a $1 million payday
that can make you
lose your zeal
for working.
Now do as we say.
We've got a plane to catch.
I think you're bluffing.
That's it, I think
a swim will be just fine.
Stay right there, Rick.
(HELlCOPTER WHlRRlNG)
Get the rope!
Come on.
(LAUGHlNG)
I got it! I got it!
Money, money, money, money.
(SPLASHlNG)
(LAUGHlNG)
I'm sorry you lost your
grandiflora Queen Elizabeths
over this.
Thank you, Magnum.
The gesture is appreciated.
But I suppose that when
one works,
as we do, for someone
as eccentric
and as anarchically impulsive
as Mr. Masters,
we must expect
the unexpected
and learn to live with
the somewhat absurd
vagaries of his work.
You're right, Higgins.
I guess you and I'll
be doing this for a long time,
too, huh?
You know, together.
Yes, as a matter of fact,
always.
(SCREAMlNG)
(SPLASH)