Magic for Humans (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Tradition - full transcript

To the bride-to-be!

One trick for the bride-to-be.
Can we show everyone the bride-to-be?

- Whoo!
- You good?

All right. Ready?

- Yeah.
- Here we go.

I'm just going to give
a little wave, like this.

- Hey.
- And, uh...

Oh, wait.

What?

No he didn't.

Humans do some weird stuff.



We throw rice at people in love.

We make annoying noises
at people's parties.

We wear hideous sweaters
to spread good cheer.

And we carve giant vegetables
to lure children to our houses.

All in the name of tradition.

And I love them all.

But of all the traditions, rituals,
and customs that fill our lives,

it seems like some of the best ones
are just for kids.

Which is a shame.
How are you doing?

That's why I'm starting a new tradition.

- I'm a big fan of the Tooth Fairy.
- Okay.

You know her?

I used to as a kid.

- You guys lost touch?
- Yeah.



Since I got
all my big boy teeth, I guess.

I'm, uh,
I'm the opposite of the Tooth Fairy.

- Mm-hm.
- I'm the Reverse Tooth Fairy.

What is that?

It's a new tradition.

The Tooth Fairy
takes your teeth and gives you money.

- I take your money and give you teeth.
- Ha!

- Oh, okay.
- Understood.

It makes sense because when you're a kid,

you look forward to losing teeth
so you can get money,

but as an adult, you spend a lot of money
to not lose teeth.

You're right. You are correct.

- That's so true.
- Yeah.

I'll show you how this works.

I need some money.
Do you have any?

- There's nothing.
- Put some cash here.

- What do you need?
- A 20.

- Twenty? Okay.
- Yeah.

I got 20.

Let's get the 20 out.

- Fold it up nice and small.
- Really small?

So, it's like, you know...

Yeah, good.
So it fits in your mouth.

Pop it in there.

- Say "Reverse Tooth Fairy."
- Reverse Tooth Fairy.

And watch, hold your hand out.

It's your baby teeth.

Hold on, bro.

Yo, that is funny as heck.

That's 20 bucks' worth.

- Excuse my language...
- It's okay.

I have to take safety precautions.

Okay.

Safety first.

- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, what?

- Five bucks' worth of teeth.
- I'm good. Thank you.

Here we go.

Six quarters, so that's $1.50.

Hold your hand flat for me.

For the Reverse Tooth Fairy
to do his job,

you have to believe in
the Reverse Tooth Fairy.

- Do you believe?
- I believe.

Here's how he does it. Watch.

Give it a little wave.

Ew! Whose are they?

Those are yours.

- No.
- No, when you were a baby.

No.

Reverse Tooth Fairy
doesn't just accept money, though.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You have a lot of great gold.
Can I borrow a chain?

I'll give you this one.

Okay, the cheapest one, okay.

No, actually,
this is the most expensive one, dude.

- Sentimentally expensive?
- Yeah.

- What are you going to do?
- Let me see.

- That's good.
- Okay.

- Ahh.
- All right.

You're not going to put it
in your mouth?

- Uh-uh.
- Whoa, hey, hey!

No, bro.

Oh.

Oh, no.

No.

Bro, don't put it in your mouth.

Yeah.

Oh, no way.

Hold on.

That's pretty cool.
But dang, you put my chain in your...

- Now, how am I going to get my chain back?
- I'm gonna keep it.

Check out what I've got.

Dad Tricks!

It's a folder.

What kind of a folder
do you think it is?

I don't know.

Cup your hands for me.

Wow.

It's a SPAM folder.

- Like the internet, you know?
- Yeah.

- SPAM!
- Yeah.

- You can keep that.
- Oh.

Dad tricks.

Get it?

My wife used to travel a lot for work,

and I've been lucky enough to tag along

to a lot of interesting places,
which means I've likely embarrassed myself

in a lot of interesting ways

by botching local customs.

So, to avoid further embarrassment,

I decided to attend an international
dining etiquette class.

Etiquette is about
making people comfortable.

But at the same time,
making yourself comfortable.

Okay. Did they take drink orders yet?

I heard that in Portugal
it's rude to ask for salt.

If salt is not placed on the table
it could be offensive to the chef.

- You've gotta be subtle.
- Maybe.

But if I said "Charles, pass the salt,"
everyone would notice.

- The chef would probably take note?
- Yes.

Charles, will you pick up the shaker?

- Just one grain of salt.
- Oh, no.

- You got one?
- Yeah.

Just flick it at me.

Whoa!

Charles!

That's cool.

What in the Betty was that?

I read that in Chile,

you're not supposed
to use your hands,

which I feel... Come on.

- This is made to be...
- Not a good idea.

Wherever there's silverware
on your table, you will want to use it.

So, I should go hands-free?

- What?
- Whoa!

- Hands-free?
- What?

Good one.

In regards to chopsticks,

after you've used them,

never place them back on your plate.

So, we'll always return the chopsticks
to the resting place.

- How about this?
- Hm... Not a good look on you.

I'll make you go to the corner
if you continue that.

- That's where the wine is.
- There you go.

What if you're bad
at using chopsticks? Like,

is it rude to ask for a fork?

- No, but you want to try to adapt.
- I was in Japan not too long ago

and I felt too embarrassed to ask.
I'll show you what I did.

Just lay your napkin out.

Take your chopsticks...

pop them there and you can just

look like you're
polishing your chopsticks a little.

Curl them up...

That's not rude.

You show that there's nothing

in your napkin and you can begin.

When you're using chopsticks,

be sure that the chopsticks
you're using to eat,

you do not pass food
with those particular chopsticks.

I have a workaround.

Let's say... Brooke and Nancy
are sitting far away from me. Right?

And you want the last two pork buns...

Here, pick up your plates

and hold your plate
in your right hand like that.

Cool. And take your tea
and just kind of...

finish off whatever is in there.

Great. Take the teacup

and just kind of hold it upside down
in your left hand.

Great. Right over the center of the plate.

Here's how I would pass the buns.

Tell me if this is socially acceptable.

Go ahead and set your tea cups down
on your plate.

Do a little "ding dong magic" action.

Lift them up.

What?

What is happening?

Wait, what?

My heart's beating.

- Etiquette is fun, right?
- No.

Mmm.

- How's it going? Justin.
- Good.

- Gabrielle. Nice to meet you.
- Do you want to see some close up magic?

Yes, I do.

Close-up magic.

Okay, Gabrielle.

Let's do close-up magic.

A rose, a daisy...

or a tulip.

Name one.

Rose.

No way.

Thank you.

- Very cool.
- You're welcome.

That's awesome.

Boop.

Boop.

Many of our rituals
are here to protect us.

But, like all rituals,
they can get repetitive,

which makes them easy to ignore.

This is especially true

when it comes to flight safety
demonstrations on airplanes.

To fasten, push ends together.

What a snooze fest.

I met up with a group of flight attendants
at their training facility

to see if I can help give their spiel
a little makeover.

Welcome aboard.

- Ow.
- Thank you for...

Watch your head.

What's the craziest thing you've caught
a passenger trying to get away with?

- Smoking.
- Smoking.

- Smoking, yeah.
- Cigarettes?

- Yes.
- No! I've had people try and smoke crack.

- Whoa, what?
- Yes.

I never had that.

What the...?

- In the lavatory?
- Yeah.

They wouldn't be dumb enough
to try it...

- Not in the cockpit?
- No.

Oh god, no.

So, in-flight safety demo,

you've done it thousands of times.
I've watched it thousands of times.

- Everybody has their own flair, right?
- Yeah.

Let me show you how I'd do it.

Let's get down to business.

Okay. Fasten your seat belts
before takeoff.

To do so,

you insert the flat metal buckle
into the clasp.

Now, we always say this.

You want to pull it
until the fit is tight and low.

And that is because if it isn't,

the seat belt will...

- rip through your entire body.
- What?

Any questions?

How?

That got your attention. All right.

This brings me to my favorite,
most riveting reading material:

your emergency exit card.

In your seat back pocket,
you'll find your safety information card

loaded with fun details.

For example, did you know:

in the rare case
of a loss of cabin pressure,

an oxygen mask...

will drop within view.

Always secure the mask
for your flight attendant

before securing it for yourself,
because of priority.

I like that rule.

In the rare case of a water landing,

you'll need a life vest.

In first class
there'll be life vests under your seat,

in coach,
we have life vests available for purchase.

Aww.

If you don't have money to purchase
a life vest,

all good...

just grab one of your blankets,
hold it in front of your body,

lower it, and a life vest will appear.

- One size fits all.
- One size fits all.

Now, what...

It's a good neck pillow.

You're supposed to wait
till you're outside to do that.

On an airplane, safety rules
are meant to be followed precisely.

But here on the ground,

there's more room
for interpretation.

For example, the 5 second rule.

It's when you're eating something

and drop it accidentally,
you have 5 seconds to pick it up.

If you wait longer,
you don't want to eat it.

- I mean, I'll push it to 10, sometimes 30.
- What?

Why is it 5 seconds?
What's the deal with that?

- I've always heard three seconds.
- Three?

But, um...

I can show you how hardcore
the five second rule is

- with my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
- Alright, let's see it.

Prepare to have your mind blown.

Would you hold the plate for me?

Mmm.

Yummy, yum, yum.

- Looks good so far.
- Peanut butter.

Jelly.

What could possibly go wrong? Right?

Mmm. Delicious, clean...
but oops, I dropped it. Oh my god.

- Oops.
- One...

Two...

- Three, four, five.
- Three, four, five.

That's all it takes.

Oh boy.

- Look at that.
- That's disgusting.

- Cat hair, tissues...
- Where did that come from?

Oh, no, it got bad.

Oh. Oh, gross.

You have a good whole piece in there?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Let's see what happens after 5 seconds.
- Okay.

- Count with me: One...
- ...two, three, four, five...

You see? Now it's bad.

Yeah, you don't want to eat this.
Trust me, because it's glass now.

What?

- Wow.
- I've got a Twinkie.

Okay.

Ever eat one fresh out of the wrapper?

Yeah.

- Yeah? You want some?
- I want some.

Let me show you how science works here.

Pretty good.

One, two, three...

Oh, no.

Try it. It's still good.

I mean, as good as it's intended to be.

One, two, three...

You're right.

Tastes the same.

- Tastes the same.
- Mm-hm.

You're alive.

Mm-hm. Hopefully.

I have another one.

Want to see what happens when you...

What do you have back there?
A fridge of Twinkies?

Just a couple.

- Didn't know how long I was gonna be out.
- Yeah.

Want to see what happens

when you leave it on the ground
for more than five seconds?

I don't want... No.

Let's see. Let's go.

Count with me.

One, two, three, four, five.

What the?

That's awesome, man.

- Wild, right?
- Yeah.

That's crazy.

That's not going to happen
to my stomach, is it?

Not unless your stomach is the ground.

What the hell?

I'm Justin. What's your name?

- William, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

You're on Trick Questions.

Oh! True? Okay.

I'm going to show you a trick,
then ask you a question.

- Okay.
- Sound good?

- Sounds good.
- Do you have a wallet?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

- Does it have money in it? Can I borrow?
- Sure. Yeah.

A dollar? Five?

- I've got a dollar.
- Whatever you've got.

- There you go.
- Alright.

Cha-ching.

Okay.

- You know what's illegal with a $1 bill?
- What?

Uh...

I'm gonna need...

That is illegal.

You know what's not illegal?

Reattaching it.

Wait, what?

Here's a question.

Who would win in a fight:

a pod of dolphins...

or Tilda Swinton?

Uh...

Taylor Swinton?

Trick questions!

♪ Happy birthday... ♪

I love birthday parties.

As a kid it's great getting presents,
as an adult it's great getting drunk.

For years, birthdays were even
my sole source of income.

This is fun, right?

Before I know it, I'll be
throwing parties for my son.

So, to prepare, I crashed the festivities
of two young fans,

to brush up on my birthday material.

Save me a slice.
Will you guys save me a slice?

Yeah!

You know, for me
no birthday party is complete

without the tradition
of having a magic show.

Can I perhaps show you guys
something crazy today?

- Yeah!
- Would you like that?

Meet me at the piñata. Come on.

Here's the plan. With the help
of my TaskRabbit assistant...

Hello.

Taking his job too literally.

I'm going to be encased
inside thispiñata.

That's right.

I will not just be in that piñata,
I will be handcuffed in that piñata.

And then, Hoppy the Bunny here

is going to hoist me far above the ground,

and I will have just seconds to escape

before he does...
what we all love to do to piñatas.

And what is that?

- Hit them!
- Hit it.

- Hit it with a baseball bat.
- This is gonna be epic.

Do you want to see me escape
or get hit?

Both!

Let's begin.

Bunny?

Remove the head.

It's small. How is he going to fit?

Now, birthday girls, would you
come on over here and do the honors?

Just snap those onto my wrists
as tight as possible.

Oh, goodness.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

- Round of applause for the birthday girls.
- Thank you.

All right.

Load the candy.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, my god.

Oh, here we go. This is going to hurt.

I'm just going to get on in here.

Okay.

Put on the head.

Claustrophobia is kicking in.

Kids, as soon as that head is on,

I'm going to attempt
to escape from the handcuffs here.

Alright, hoist me up.

You already are. Okay.

I'm trying to pick the lock.

Really?

It's not working.
Can you guys hear me out there?

Can you guys hear me?
Don't let him hit it yet.

Oh.

♪ Are you ready for this?
Are you ready for this? ♪

♪ Are you ready for this? ♪

It's me.

Yeah.

What?

Whoo!

My head hurts.

Happy birthday.

- What happened to the candy?
- Where's the candy?

I got your candy right here.

I'm going to back away slowly.

My hand only allows me
to hold so much candy.

Use your shirt.

Traditions might seem illogical sometimes,
but they're not here to make sense.

They're here to connect us
to our family, our culture, our history.

Which means, one day soon,

my son Jackson here

is going to get to do
all the same weird stuff I did.

And if he's anything like his dad...

he's going to love it.