Maggie (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - A Mysterious Invitation Awaits You - full transcript

♪

[door shuts]

MARIA: Maggie.

- Hello!

- Tell me what's going on.

- Something's going on?

- Don't hide in the fridge.

I may not be a psychic, but I'm your
mother, which is the exact same thing.

Something's not right with you.

Are you being harassed?

- Feels like it.



- I'm serious. If you've gotten in
too deep with one of those groups...

- Huh?
- There's always help.

Just tell me you're
not in a sex cult.

If one more person I know...

- Calm down.

You know I hate
group activities.

- Then explain this.

Came for you today.

Reeks of sex and patchouli.

♪

- Angel!

[gasps]

I'm freaking out.

[giggles]



How does Julius Moon
even know who we are?

- Girl, I have the
exact same question!

This is a hard invitation to come by.
You know about these parties, right?

- Uh-uh.
- Okay, so once upon a time,

I had a friend with
benefits in New York.

- The finance guy in the
Meatpacking District.

- No, the meatpacking guy
in the Finance District.

Anyway, his ex-husband's
wedding planner's side dish

was a piano player for
these fancy parties...

- Wait. Who is the
main character here?

- Girl, the point is

they have been holding exclusive

mystic gatherings for years.

We're talking cocktails, games,

a couple of hot tarts being passed around.
- Mm!

- Maybe some food, too.

- I can't wait!

I've never been in a room
full of only psychics.

We have spent enough of
our lives being outsiders.

- Yes, girl.

It is time for us
to finally enjoy

a night of blending the hell in.

I think I'll wear feathers.

[laughs]

♪

MAGGIE: We're gonna have a great
night... ANGEL: Can't believe it, yeah.

- Oh ho! What a fancy coat! I hope
we're not going to the same place,

'cause if so, we'd be really
underdressed. [nervous laugh]

- Yeah. Where are
you guys off to?

- Oh, Angel and I are
going to a psychic thing.

It's nothing. Just the who's
who event of the season.

- Psychics have seasons?

[laughs]

- You are bragging, and
our car is here. Come on.

- Okay! We have to go! Bye!

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Oh, that's a hot little loaf.
Where you going with that?

- Oh, we're going to a couples
dinner at Amy and Dave's.

- [quietly] Couples
dinner. Yeah.

- Hey, you should join us.
- Yes.

- Oh, I couldn't possibly.
I don't want to intrude.

Bonjour!

[gasps] Le beer
is here. [laughs]

- Louise! You sneaky
little surpriser.

Hey...
- Aw. Hi.

I hope I'm not crashing.
You know, I hate to...

[pop] pop the couple bubble.
- Now, you stop it. You stop right now.

You know you are
always welcome here.

- [laughs] Thanks.
- Now, take off

your nasty little shoes.
Should've left them by the door.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

- Hey, hey!
- Hi! How are you?

- Hey, why don't you
invite Plant Guy?

- Oh, that died, remember?

Yeah, just like the
ficus he gave me.

- Well, what about that guy
who beatboxes? The law student?

- Oh, couldn't get
him to stop rapping

about constitutional
law. It was awful.

- Weren't there also two DJs?

- Yeah. Croatia, secret family.

It's just really
rough out there.

- Oh...

Well, we hate them.

OVERLAPPING: Yeah.
They sucked. The worst.

- I liked the beatboxer.
- No, you don't. You don't.

♪

[Maggie laughs] ANGEL:
Girl, we have arrived.

Look at this place.

- Clearly, we're not charging enough.
- I mean...

- Angel, if we die tonight,
I'm at peace with that.

- Girl, they can bury us together.
[laughs]

[quiet chatter]

- Hello.
- Hello, welcome.

Mr. Moon asks that you
hand over your phones.

- Oh.
- Oh. Okay.

- And don't stand too close to the
art or it'll go "beep"! [laughs]

- That's intimidating.

- Enjoy the evening.

- Thank you.

Why did I curtsy?
- Oh, come on.

No phones. You don't know this,

but this is just like an orgy.
- Oh.

Angel, I can't believe everyone
at this party is psychic.

- I know. [gasps]
- It's... Oh my gosh.

The energy in this
room is amazing.

[party chatter]
ANGEL: Yes, ma'am.

You have your clairvoyants,

your mediums,

people who work with cards,

crystals... [gasps]

And the ones who really matter.
- Wait, Angel,

why am I so nervous? What
if they don't like me

and I don't get
invited back? Help.

- Honey, breathe,
breathe, breathe, okay?

Oh, you remind me of
me at my first pride.

Terrified, blonde, skinny.

Trust me. You'll be stripping to
a Bonnie Raitt song in no time.

- Oh, I like Bonnie Raitt.
- Yes. Come on.

[overlapping laughter, chatter]

♪ soft music playing ♪

- So, Louise...

tell us everything about
not being partnered.

What's it like? Are
you on the apps?

- Uh, yeah. I'm on the apps.
I beta-tested the apps.

I'm what the developers
call a lifer.

- You know, I've been
with Ben so long,

I've never even
used a dating app.

Do you really just
swipe... infinite men?

[laughs] LOUISE: I
mean, yeah, basically.

Look, when you start
out, it's amazing,

right? You're just matching

with all these hot marketing
bros who are "into whiskey."

So you Google it, look up
a fun fact to bring up,

like how whiskey is the
state beverage of Alabama.

[impressed murmurs]
- Did not know that.

- You bring that up on the
date, but it gets no reaction.

And then you realize
not only is this guy

not that into whiskey,

he's not that into
getting to know who I am.

- Aw.
- You know?

So you go back on the
carousel, and you ride it

around and around,

just slowly lowering
your standards,

date after date.

And you just wonder

what the hell
you're doing wrong,

and how it is that everybody else
has found the one except for you.

[drops fork] [Amy gasps]

[gasps]

AMY: Girl, look at me.

You are such a catch.

Now, if I was matchmaking you,

I could find you an
amazing guy in, like,

[snaps] negative one seconds.

JESSIE: Wait.

Can we try this? Like,
swipe for you as a group?

Is that crazy?

- I mean, okay. It's not like

this will end with me being
more alone. [nervous laughter]

- Unless you end up in
one of those relationships

where you end up
more alone than ever.

- Okay, Louise,
give me your phone.

We are getting you a man.

MAN: Well, I'm a
palm reader by trade

and a sculptor by hobby.

I really like working
with my hands.

- Well, I have two of those.

- Why don't we work on them
right now? ANGEL: Alright...

- Ooh! Hi.

I'm Maggie. It's so nice...

[woman laughing]

- I'm so sorry. Oh my god. I
just related to that too hard.

Hi! I'm Allegra.
[relieved sigh]

- I'm Maggie.

[laughs]

- Mm, hello.

Are you gonna be my wing woman
or am I going to be yours?

- Maybe we should
just be sister wives.

- Honestly, I'd be down.
[laughs]

Isn't it crazy, seeing
a whole group of us?

- Yeah. Everyone here
is so... mystical.

I feel like I don't
really look the part.

- Oh, I always feel like
that. I'm just used to being

the weirdo in my friend group
who gets random energy flashes

at the supermarket.
- Right?

I have had some low moments

in the candy aisle.
On multiple levels.

[laughs] [bell ringing]

[party chatter]

- Good evening!
I'm Julius Moon.

Welcome to this year's
psychic gathering.

This is a rarefied
group of mystics,

and it's an honor to
have you all present.

To kick us off tonight.
I planned a special game

to get the conversation flowing.

Would you like to play?

ALL: Yes!

- This being LA,
I've hired an actor,

who is standing in this
very room right now,

pretending to be
psychic. [all gasp]

Using every form of
perception you have,

can you identify the
decoy and prove yourself

to be the most
powerful psychic here?

[murmuring]

Let the hunt begin!

[applause, cheering]

♪

♪

- So if you're psychic, how
do you spend the solstice?

- Um, stuck in traffic usually.

[both laugh]

So, how long have
you been a medium?

- At least seven lifetimes.

- That's very cool.

I'm sorry. You have
something on your...

Do you mind if I just...
- Okay.

NARRATOR: [on tape] If you are
listening to this audiobook,

then you, or someone you
know, hates their mother.

- Ah, couldn't get it. [laughs]

Well, see you in
the next lifetime.

♪

- Number eight.

- That's a beautiful ring.

- I foresee the death
of every man I meet.

It's why I wear black every
day and only dine at the Ritz.

[crow cawing]

I found it in the seat
cushion on a Southwest flight.

- Score.

♪

- Oh, what about Eric, huh?

He looks friendly.
BEN: Oh, yeah.

I like his big tattoo
that says "family."

[Amy laughs]
- Oh, I know this guy.

We matched on a different app,
messaged for three months,

and then never went on a date.

- Yeah, come on. Louise
can do better than him.

- But he met Henry Winkler.

- Oh! He's hot!
[murmuring]

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Sailing, crypto, CEO?

What do you think?
- Eh...

Sort of seems like the
Holy Trinity of jerks.

- What?

No, he literally wrote,
"I'm a great guy.

Fun, in-shape girls
only." I'm saying yes.

- What?
- Oh, wait. What's on your profile?

Can I see your pics?
- Yeah, go ahead. Take a look.

They're not, like, professional.

Why does everyone have
professional pics? DAVE: Yeah.

JESSIE: Yeah... Can
I make a suggestion?

I just don't see these
attracting the right kind of guy.

- Oh.

Uh...

Okay, what was the suggestion?

- There we go.
Elegant, in charge,

professional. This is you.

- Are you sure this is the
look? What do you guys think?

- Gorge. Pure Louise.
- Yeah. Really nice. Fantastic.

♪

- Okay!

[squeals] Smile for
me. [shutter snaps]

[giggles]

- Think female governor.

- Okay.

♪ Keep moving ♪

[shutter snaps]
[impressed murmuring]

I'd vote for that.
- Very nice, Louise.

JESSIE: Incredible. Very
smart. [shutter snapping]

ANGEL: You can read my
mind. I know you can.

[laughing]

- Angel!

- Ooh, how's it going?

- This game is so hard.

My visions really aren't helping
me figure out who the fake is.

- What about your
new friend, Flonase?

- If you're making that joke,

you obviously know
her name is Allegra,

and she is the real
deal. She reads auras.

- Are you sure about that?

- Mm-hmm. Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! That's the woman
who ignored me at the bar.

[gasps] Maybe it's her.

- Ooh. Go, go, go, go, go.

[party chatter]

- Oh, so sorry.

- If you touch my shawl
again, I will kill you.

- Okay, she's very legit.

- No way he's six-one.

BEN: See you, Jonathan.
JESSIE: Hate that hat.

- See you, Taylor.

JESSIE: Oh, he needs a hat!

- See you, Thomas.

AMY: [gasps] Oh no.

LOUISE: Uh-oh.

- Mm...
- Oh. Oh dear.

- Oh, that obviously
wasn't supposed to happen.

- Would you like to explain?

- I mean, yeah. I'm not on here.

I created a profile
when we broke up.

I went on this one horrible date
with this girl named Katharine,

who's never tried ketchup.

But, I deleted the app

when we got back together,

so I have no idea why this
is on here. LOUISE: Mm, yeah.

You got to delete your account,

not just the app.
That's how they got you,

so...

- [laughs] Ben, LA.

"I'm just a guy standing
in front of a girl,

asking her to DM him her
fave one-hit wonder."

- I think we can,
like, swipe left...

- "Teachin', beachin', and
tearing it up in the keetchen."

[laughter]

- I've never felt
more naked in my life.

I'm gonna grab another drink.

- From the keetchen?
[laughter]

LOUISE: You know,
in his defense,

rhyming's really big on here.
At least it's not as bad as

"fluent in sarcasm."

[ding] AMY: Oh.
Okay, guys. Shh.

Couples therapy later.
We have got a match.

It's Nate!

[Louise groans]
JESSIE: The CEO?

- Oh my god! This is such a
rush. We have to message him.

[typing] "Uh, hi.

LOL."

[laughs] "I'm an entrepreneur

in the wellness space."

- Yeah, I'm just
a yoga instructor.

I'm not trying to scam people.
- I'm just making sure you pop.

This guy is, like, my ideal man.

[typing]
- Really?

[stops typing]

- For Louise.

- Really?
- Yep.

♪ Soft music ♪

[party chatter]

- Better not be you.

Is it?

- Excuse you. I am
a full-time psychic.

How do I know you're not the actor?
- I wish.

Not being a psychic would
make my life a lot easier.

I saw my parents' divorce
eight years before it happened.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

That must have been
really hard. [zap]

- Hey, I am James.
I'm 34 years old,

and I'll be reading for the role
of Sexy Zombie Number Three.

- [gasps] It is you!

You are the actor!

Yes!
- Oh, come on.

If I get found out,
I don't get paid.

- Oh.

- I-I knew it was you.

[gasping] You're the fake!

- What the hell, man?

- Yeah, she is the actor.

- I had a feeling.

She doesn't even
celebrate the solstice.

- What? No, that...
[murmuring]

He is the actor.

I just saw it!

- You lied to me?
- No.

- I knew it.

I could tell she was
forcing it all night.

She even said she
was worried about

"looking the part." She's
clearly not one of us.

[gasps]

♪

[scoffs]

[crowd murmuring]

[spraying]

♪ soft music ♪

[laughs] AMY: Ooh, Louise!

You and Nate are having a real
back-and-forth going on over here.

- "Is that a carp you're
holding in your photo?"

- Oh, what's a carp?

Oh. Okay, I was hoping
it wasn't a fish.

- Uh, maybe you should tell
him about Louise's dog.

- Maybe you should call Katharine
and go have some dry French fries.

Oh! Nate lives

two blocks away. We have
to invite him over, right?

- We're gonna judge
him like American Idol.

- Uh, yeah. I can leave
if you guys want...

- No, no. What are you talking
about? We need you. You're the you.

JESSIE: Yeah!

[muffled party chatter]

[sighs]

♪

[dialing] JESSIE: [on
phone] Hi! It's Jessie.

You're on speaker with everyone.

- How is your psychic thing?

- Um... I-it ended early. I...

Please tell me you guys are
doing something fun right now.

- Well, I'm about to have a
first date in front of everybody.

Yeah. Aren't you jealous?

- Come join us at
Amy and Dave's.

- Yeah, but no spoilers. We don't
need a psychic giving everything away.

JESSIE: Yeah, don't ruin it for
me. I have a lot riding on this.

- Um [laughs], you know what?

I actually just
realized... how tired I am,

so, um, think I'm just
going to go straight to bed.

I'm sorry. Hope he's the one.

- Lame!
- Party pooper.

[booing, laughter]
VARIOUS: Bye. Bye!

♪

- Hm...
- Ooh.

Got it. "Weg."

- "Weg"? What's
that? What's "weg"?

- It is seven-point word.
- No, it... No, it's not.

Just 'cause the
numbers are on it.

"Weg" is not a word.
MARIA: You came!

Maggie.

Oh, thank God you're safe.

Why didn't you text back?

Listen, I have been
worried sick about you.

These cults, they
brand people...

- Uh, honey,

why don't you come into
the kitchen with me

and help me find
my favorite mug?

You know, the one that says, "If you
can read this, you're too close"?

Please? Come on.

MARIA: Your mug can't wait?

I have questions for our
daughter! [doorbell rings]

- Oh! He's here! You guys, he's here!
- Louise, go answer it!

LOUISE: It's not even my house!

DAVE: Okay, yeah. JESSIE:
Fluff the pillows.

AMY: Okay. DAVE: Okay, okay.

JESSIE: Fluff the pillows.

Karate chop, please.
AMY: Ben, settle down.

LOUISE: Hi! NATE: Hi!

LOUISE: [laughs] Come in.

Yep, you're in the right
place. [door shuts]

Uh, welcome to this... house.

- Nate. Ben.

- Hey, Ben. [nervous
laugh] Hey, everyone.

AMY: Hi.
- Hey.

- Uh, what is all this?

- Oh, yeah. These are my...

- Siblings.

- Uh, and we were just
in the middle of...

- Talking about how
we have the same mum.

- Yeah. JESSIE: Uh, please!

Have a seat! We have
heard so much about you.

- You have?
[nervous laugh]

[sighs]

I gotta say you really
look like your photos.

Like, exactly.

- Oh. BEN: Oh.

- [nervous laugh] Did you
just take these photos?

- You know, I can't do this.

Uh...

Nate? This is not a match.

Um, Jesse, thanks for
trying, but it's a no.

- It's okay. We
can keep looking.

LOUISE: No, don't. Alright?

This was just not as fun as
I thought it was gonna be.

Online dating never is.

I'm sick of trying to impress
people that I've never even met.

You know, it makes me
feel bad about myself,

and hot people shouldn't
feel bad about themselves.

- No...
- Nope. Nope.

- I'm tired of trying
to force this, okay?

I need a break, so
I'm deleting the apps.

- Well, make sure you
delete the account as well,

so your girlfriend
doesn't get mad at you.

- I still can't believe you
online dated, and I didn't.

Like, what else don't I know?

- What else don't I know? I
didn't know your type was a...

business bro.

- Wait,

was I talking to you?

- Yeah, that was me.

- And you two are together?

- Yeah, we are.

NATE: Huh.

I'm gonna go.
- You should go now.

LOUISE: Thanks for
coming by. NATE: Sure.

- Oh, actually, do you have a
favorite Albert Finney movie?

- Who's Albert Finney?

- Yeah, you can
go. Right this way.

- You're going to lose her if
you interrogate her like that.

Don't scare her off.

No sudden movements.

You got to approach her
cautiously, respectfully.

Like she's a cat.

- Oh, Jack.

Seriously?
- Here.

Offer her a treat.

Hm?

- You okay, sweetie?

- Not really.
- Oh...

[Maria groans]

[sighs]

- Sometimes, I feel like I just
don't really belong to a group,

you know? Like...

Like, I'm... I'm
either too normal

or not normal enough.

It hurts.

- What about your
friends downstairs?

That's a little group.

Louise, Ben, and Jessie...

That other... couple.

- Yeah.

I love them. They're
great, but...

It's awkward with Ben.

Before Ben and Jessie
got back together,

Ben and I...

had a little thing
for a minute, and...

I really liked him.

Maybe I still do.

- Listen, I cannot begin to know

what it's like to move
through the world like you.

♪

What I do know is that
there is one place

where no one is normal

and you fit right in.

[laughs]

- You always know what I need, don't you?
- Mm.

- Maybe you are psychic.

[both laugh]

- You want some more treats?

- Yes, please.
- Mm.

Jack!

Do we still have that tin of popcorn
that we were gonna give the mailman,

but never got around
to it at Christmas?

- [sighs] Two steps
ahead of you, honey.

I finished it off last week.

- Dad... JACK: Oh...

♪

[all sigh]

- I'm sorry, does
that say "weg"?

- Yes, it's a word.
Don't question it.

♪

- I'd love to show you
the tile in my foyer.

- Is it hand laid?

- Of course, it is. Shall
we head out to my loft?

- Yes.

- He's got a husband, and
the tiles are peel and stick.

[gasps]

- Excuse me.

You are chic. I'm obsessed.

We're getting a drink.

- I know.
[Angel gasps]

[clink]

♪