Mad Men (2007–2015): Season 1, Episode 6 - Babylon - full transcript

Dick Whitman, you watch where you're going.

You're going to break your neck.

You going to cry or get up?

I'm getting up, Uncle Mack.

Good. There's someone
who wants to meet you.

What are you afraid of?

There was lots of screaming.

Always is.

The Lord has given us a blessing.

You have a new brother.

He ain't my brother.



Of course he is.
You got the same daddy.

Isn't he beautiful?

I named him Adam after the first man.

Daddy!

Don, are you all right?

Happy Mother's Day.

This is fascinating.

It's better than the Hollywood version.

It's certainly dirtier.

Well, Joan Crawford is not what she was.

You know, honestly,

I found her eyebrows completely unnerving,

like a couple of...

caterpillars just pasted there.



Her standing next to Suzy Parker
as if they were the same species.

Well, some men like eyebrows,

and all men like Joan Crawford.

Salvatore couldn't stop talking about her.

To think, one of the great beauties,
and there she is, so old.

I'd just like to disappear at that point.

It makes perfect sense.

I promise you, Bets,

the first sign of crow's feet,
and I'll put you on an ice floe.

Or would you prefer to be
my gal in the iron mask?

Did you have a nice Mother's Day?

It was lovely.

My mother was at least two years older
than whatever Joan Crawford says she is,

and she was still very fetching.

I'd like to think that
she'd stand up very well

as a prediction of my
eventual appearance.

Bets, don't.

No melancholy.

I'm allowed to be sentimental
on Mother's Day.

But it's your Mother's Day, not hers.

I'm just saying that my mother
looked handsome.

Actually, vivacious
and positively cheerful,

right up to her end.

It's good remembrance.

Dr. Wayne suggested a book which...

says that it's part
of the mourning process.

Dr. Wayne.

I do think it's helping.

So you're cured?

I don't know how they tell that.

When their vacation house is paid for.

Don't deride him.

Mourning is just extended self-pity.

In New Guinea,

pygmies grind up their ancestors
and drink the powder in a beer.

And a model culture at that, pygmies.

Did you know Michelangelo
was painting the Sistine ceiling

when those people were still
living in caves discovering fire?

I didn't know that.

Well, it's true.

Introduction to Basic Anthropology.

What about...

Advanced Reproduction?

How are your studies
progressing in that?

Completed.

I got an A, actually.

You did?

Yep, I did.

I flunked the whole thing.

Well, that's because
you got caught cheating.

Get the light.

I want you so much.

I thought about it all day.

Me, too.

No, I mean it.

It's all I think about...

every day.

Your car coming down the driveway.

I put the kids to bed early.

I make a grocery list.
I cook butterscotch pudding.

I never let my hands idle.

Brushing my hair,

drinking my milk...

and it's all in a kind of fog

because I can't stop
thinking about this.

I want you so badly.

You have me.

You do.

Ah, Don.

You remember Nick Rodis
from Olympic Cruise Lines.

Nick, did you ever add
that second deck of portholes?

Yes, but those rooms get pretty wet.

This is Urine Ben Shulhai
from The Israel Ministry of Tourism.

It is pronounced "Yoram. "

Of course.

And this young lady is Lily Meyer.

Pleasure to meet you.

And you.

Caviar, blinis, mai tais.

We're thinking of a land of exotic luxury.

We'd like to think that if Beirut
is the Paris of the Middle East,

Haifa can be the Rome.

It's an exciting idea.

Of course we should keep in mind

that Paris has the Eiffel Tower
and Rome has the Coliseum.

And Tel Avenue is about to have a Hilton.

Olympic is charting
our most luxurious liner

all along the wondrous ports
of the Israeli Riviera.

We are going to visit
Mr. Bernbach down the street,

but some of us
find his humor to be kitsch.

We thought we would try
a traditional way as well.

Sterling Cooper doesn't
like to think of itself as traditional.

Maybe that is the wrong word.
My English is not so good.

Glamour, like glamorous... that's the word.

We saw your awards.

We were impressed
with your work on Rio de Janeiro.

You're not thinking of putting

a 150-foot statue of Jesus
in Tel Aviv, are you?

Because that's how we sold Rio.

This book has been
on the best-seller list

for two years in the States,

and is soon to be a major motion picture
starring Paul Newman.

America has a love affair with Israel,

and we would like to bring
the two parties together.

Well, you certainly
saved me some legwork.

All I have is the Bible.

Let's stay away from that.

So, your ideal tourist.

What's his yearly salary?

Whatever you make.

They always say that.

Well, look who's here:
A couple of angels.

Do we have lunch today?

No, darling, we're going
to get Margaret a haircut.

A haircut?

Oh, I like your ponytail, squirt.

It makes you look young.

I like your hair, Daddy.
It makes you look old.

We just have to find the right place.

Ginger?

I cut my own hair.

You picked her.

Don't you two make a handsome couple.

Honestly, I don't go for handsome.

Mona, Margaret.

What brings you below 59th Street?

Margaret, say hello.

Hello, Mr. Draper.

Oh, Mona, aren't you lucky?

Mother and daughter on the town.

Where are the girls
getting their hair done these days?

By girls, you mean Brigitte Bardot?

Because that's what I'm seeing.

As long as she can pin
a hat on it for church.

You are going to love this man.

I will make you an appointment. Come on.

Bye, Don.

Roger, sweetheart.

She used to love being in my office.

Her haircut is the least
of Margaret's problems.

She's dated what, two boys?

One of them joined the service,
the other one committed suicide.

She doesn't want to go to college.

Doesn't want to work.

Not interested in charity.

I don't know what we did wrong.

We gave her everything she wanted,
and she's still useless.

You're being too hard on her.

She's a young girl.

When I was her age,
I rode a tramp steamer

from Bar Harbor to Hilton Head.

I bet it was a yacht.

Someone still has to sail those things.

I think Margaret reminds you of you.

You're both spoiled.

Zip.

Come back to bed.

We can stay here all afternoon.

You don't have to go back to work.

I do. Zip.

You like the pearl necklace I gave you?

It's gorgeous.

Aren't you even going to have any of this?

Look, we've got Oysters Rockefeller,
Beef Wellington, Napoleons.

If we leave this lunch alone,
it'll take over Europe.

I don't like eating in here.

Food that close to the bed
reminds me of a hospital.

If you had your own apartment,
we could go to your place.

You could cook for me.

Don't you like things the way they are?

Are you kidding?

This has been the best year of my life.

Do you have any idea

how unhappy I was before I met you?

I was thinking of leaving my wife.

I'm just getting tired of all the...
sneaking around.

Aren't you?

Roger, I know as much about men
as you know about advertising,

and I know that the sneaking around
is your favorite part.

You know, I have a lot of favorite parts.

I'd like to get you...

a little fourth floor walk-up somewhere

with no doors, no windows,

and lock you up for a week.

That's tempting.

But I like hotels.

You leave with what you came in with.

And little soaps. I love those.

I wish I knew what you wanted, Joanie.

I love this, Roger,

but a week is a considerable length of time,
and I have my own world.

I go out, and I have parties,
and I have friends over...

Male friends?

Yes.

I don't want to hear this.

Carol and I have this nice little rotation.

Carol. The disaster.

I've known Carol since college,

and she's been a good friend,

and she's bright, and she's neat.

So you think you'd be lonely.

I think it would be
half as much fun alone.

You could get a bird.

They're fairly neat for animals.

Roger, if you had your way,

I would be stranded
in some paperweight

with my legs stuck in the air.

Wait, wait, wait.

You're just gonna paint
that picture and go, huh?

Can't we... just enjoy this?

I mean, we both know I'll eventually find
a more permanent situation,

and you'll find a new model.

The '61s are coming out soon.

I hear the fins are bigger next year.

Whatever you want, Red.

I see why they want the guns.

It's tough to compete

with Bermuda only three hours away.

It helps if they stop blowing up hotels.

Oh, kill me, you busty Jewess.

Maybe we should try and exploit
the danger instead of fighting it.

Travel as adventure.

Or how about this?

Average American family of three
standing on shore, suitcases in hand.

The Red Sea parts before them.

On the other side
waits a gleaming four-star resort.

Shouldn't you see the Promised Land?

Take religion out.

They've got plenty of
Stations of the Cross traffic.

I've skimmed this research,
and the whole thing's pretty red.

These communes, kibbutzes.

It's positively Soviet.

Except the Daughters
of the American Revolution

are shuttling this book
up and down Fifth Avenue.

It's a good story.

They start in these prison camps.

Like, real prisoners.

Then the next thing you know,
they're in the desert, armed to the teeth,

cutting their way through the enemy,
dying for the cause.

And then they have a government.

A commie government.

Made my mother cry.

So, we have a quasi-communist state
where women have guns,

and it's filled with Jews.

Well, not completely filled.

Let's not forget that there are also Arabs.

They've got oranges.

As far as I can see,

the biggest thing
this place has going for it:

The people are good-looking.

The Jews there don't
look like the Jews here.

Have you been to the Diamond District?

All right. I have to make
a couple phone calls.

Let's pick this up later.

Peggy, will you get me
a private line, please?

Right away, Mr. Draper.

Donald Draper, Line 2.

I debated not taking the call.

I'm glad you did. I need to see you.

I don't think that's a good idea.

It's business.

Meet me for a drink.

I'm busy this evening.

I wouldn't have called
if it wasn't important.

I should still be able to talk to you.

Give me credit for that.

Lunch. Tomorrow.

Lunch.

The Tea Room at The Pierre, 12:15.

Message received.

Oh, it's so muggy tonight.

Did you just get a library card?

I rarely see you read anything

that doesn't have a manila folder
wrapped around it.

You should clean the gutters.

This weekend.

Is that good?

There's less action than I thought.

I thought it was a romance.

You know, the first boy
I ever kissed was Jewish.

How did that happen?

My friend Deirdre Shaw
was friends with a Jewish girl,

Beth... Gold, Silver, or something.

Beth invited us to a mixer
at her synagogue in Lower Merion.

I'm surprised your mother let you go.

Well, it was a fundraiser for charity.

Those poor skinny people in the boats.

This boy danced with me all evening.

David Rosenberg.

He was very good-looking,

but there was something
about him that was gloomy.

Was he a good kisser?

Let's just say he had
more practice than I did.

Yeah, I'm sure he was very disappointed.

Oh, please. The only
reason he picked me

is because I wasn't
part of the synagogue.

In fact, the next day, on the school bus,

Beth told everyone I was necking
with David Rosenberg.

The looks they gave me.

They were all blondes by the next summer.

Honey, it's hot.

And I have to read this book about the desert.

Of course.

Go ahead.

We should get
an air conditioner up here.

We'll see.

Hiya, fellas. Come on in.

Did you see this?

Someone broke into
the Yankees' equipment locker

in Cleveland yesterday.

Swiped Mickey Mantle's pet glove.

Huh. They should have taken his bat.

Shall we wait for you
to have your breakfast?

A day without orange juice
is a hell of a long day.

Hey, look, Ma, no hands.

"Belle Jolie"?

Yeah, I've been looking at the work
of our esteemed predecessors.

I'm not heartened.

They make more colors of lipstick

than Howard Johnson
has ice cream flavors,

but their sales are in the crapper.

These names.

Passion Flower Peach,

Tropical Boudoir Red.

And look, Ethel Rosenberg Pink.

Wear it to the chair.

Did you know that lipstick was invented

to simulate the flush on a woman's face
after you treated her right?

If you're going to quote
the research report,

don't start with "Did you know?"

Research, I'm stumped.

I'll be honest. I don't speak Moron.

Do either of you speak Moron?

Let's throw it to the chickens.

Okay, girls, come on in.

Come on in, ladies. Gather around.

Settle down.

What, no lunch?

No, dear. This is better.

Belle Jolie wants us to tell them

what we think about their
new line of lipsticks.

One-way glass.

That name seem weird to you?

Should be two-way glass, right?

I don't care what they call it.

Beats the hell out of X-ray Specs.

It's called brainstorming.

That sounds intimidating.

Is it like a test?

There are no wrong answers.

You just be your pretty little selves.

Grab a lipstick,
grab a mirror, and sit down.

Oh, this one's too red for me.

And remember, the mirror
could be your best friend

or your worst enemy.

Has no taste.

Ugly dress.

Horrible wig.

They're brainstorming.

I wouldn't expect more
than a few sprinkles.

I love it when they do that.

My little blowfish.

Anybody mind if I take off my pants?

The red one's for me.

How many lipsticks do you own?

Gee, I don't know.

I'd have to go home and count.

Do you match your lip color
to your clothing or to your accessories?

I know. That seems
like a loaded question.

It is unloaded,

and I insist you curb
your editorial comments.

Sometimes I match it to my nail polish.

Good answer. Go ahead.

Do you change your lip color
with the seasons?

You, stand over there.

At what point do we start running electricity
through the chairs?

You should have put a man in there
so they'd take it seriously.

Good.

I was afraid I'd missed it.

I want to stand and salute that.

What's with Mouse Ears over there?

Thanks for coming.

Can I get you anything?

No.

How've you been?

Fine.

Tired.

It doesn't show.

I'm in the middle of spring inventory.

I hope you're not going to tell me

that the grand plan
for remaking our store has a hitch in it.

You look beautiful.

I thought you had
urgent business to discuss.

Anything for the lady?

Nothing for me... Mmm, coffee.

Irish coffee?

Coffee.

Yes, sir.

Business?

It turns out Israel Tourism
is considering becoming a client,

and I'm having a hard time
getting a handle on it.

And I'm the only Jew
you know in New York City?

You're my favorite.

Jesus, Don, crack a book once in a while.

I have.

It's all sentimental World War II trivia,

oranges, kids in blue and white hats.

They're doing a movie of Exodus
with Paul Newman.

Paul Newman? That's nice.

Now I have two reasons to see it.

Damn it.

You're usually so put together.

Thank you.

I'll say one thing about Israelis.

Don't cross them.

Well, those people at the meeting
were definitely Zionists.

Zion just means Israel.

It's a very old name.

I'm sorry. I'm not an expert on this,

and something feels strange
about being treated like one.

I just want to know something about it

that doesn't come from
some ministry of propaganda.

Well, here's some more
World War II trivia.

They just arrested Adolf Eichmann
in Argentina last week.

Have you seen his resume?

Okay, I deserved that.

But I'm talking about
tourists going to Israel.

I don't know what I can say.

I'm American.
I'm really not very Jewish.

If my mother hadn't died having me,

I could have been Marilyn
instead of Rachel.

No one would know the difference.

What is the difference?

Look, Jews have lived
in exile for a long time:

First in Babylon,

then all over the world... Shanghai, Brooklyn...

and we've managed to make a go of it.

Maybe it has something to do

with the fact that we
thrive at doing business

with people who hate us.

I don't hate you.

No. Individuals are wonderful.

That's not what I meant.

I don't know.

A country...

for "those people," as you call us,

well...

it seems very important.

Then why aren't you there?

My life is here.

My grandfather came from Russia,

now we have a store on Fifth Avenue.

I'll visit, but I don't have to live there.

It just... has to be.

For me, it's more
of an idea than a place.

Utopia.

Maybe.

They taught us at Barnard about that word.

Utopia.

The Greeks had two meanings for it:

"Eu-topos,"

meaning "the good place,"

and "ou-topos,"

meaning "the place that cannot be. "

I have to get back to the office.

I better not see this on my bill.

Okay, girls, playtime's over.

Time to put down your lipsticks
and head back to your desks.

Thank you for your cooperation
and your lips.

These go in the closet.

Well, now we have to count
the shades they tried.

Can you bring me those tissues, dear?

Here's your basket of kisses.

Basket of kisses.

That's cute.

Who told you that?

What do you mean?

Where did you hear that?

I just thought of it.

Isn't that what it is?

It is, sweetheart.

Which color did you like?

I didn't get the one I liked.

Someone took my color.

Why didn't you choose another one?

I'm very particular.

As opposed to the other girls?

I don't know.

I don't think anyone wants to be
one of a hundred colors in a box.

I think that's enough complaining.

Why don't you head
back to your desk, Peggy?

Bet you wish you could pour
that in a glass and drink it.

Peggy, clear the rest of my afternoon,
would you, please?

You have the Snider's
Catsup people at 3:00.

Have a box of cigars sent over to Jim King
with my apologies.

I'll find out what he smokes.

Good girl.

You got a minute, Chief?

Just.

You don't mind, do you?

Use a glass, Freddie.

Your girl is full of surprises.

Oh, pretty Peggy Sue.

Peggy?

If you say so.

I try to avoid eye contact

to avoid being blinded
by the earnestness.

Actually, she really stood out,
brainstorming-wise.

Brainstorming?

Sorry I missed that.

What was the line?

A bucket of kisses.

Basket of kisses.

Bucket sounds better.

If you like 'em wet and sloppy.

The point is,

while the rest of the hens were busy
pulling out each other's feathers,

that one saw the benefit, not the feature.

Really?

Yeah. She said she didn't want to be one
of a hundred colors in a box.

That's interesting, isn't it?

It is.

It was like watching a dog play the piano.

It's me, Barbara. Can you talk?

She's still sleeping, thank God.

What's on your mind?

I think I might have met somebody.

You're not sure? That's good.

He has some serious limitations.

Does he work in the store?

No, he doesn't work at the store.

He has a job, doesn't he?

Yes.

Then what's the problem?

Would Daddy like him?

Daddy would hate him.

So he's not Jewish.

Who cares what Daddy thinks?

He's not your boyfriend anymore.

Barbara.

You're 28 years old.

You work 60 hours a week.

The last thing you want
is to end up like Aunt Rosie,

lying to your nieces about
how many engagements you had.

Aunt Rosie wasn't lying.

Oh, please, there was
no Max the Communist.

Does he have all his hair?

More than he'll ever need.

Is he funny?

Sometimes. After a couple.

So he's a shikker. Daddy will hate him.

I do feel this attraction.

I want him,

and I want to ignore
everything else about him.

It's 1960. We don't live in a shtetl.

We can marry for love.

I'm not sure people do that anymore.

Why do you always have to be so cynical?

Because sometimes...
things come...

good things...

but there's no future in them.

You're a modern woman, Rach.

Forget the wedding.

Believe me, I'd do anything
for some romance right now.

Peggy.

Hi, Joan.

Mr. Rumsen would like you
to put your industrious little mind

towards coming up with copy
for Belle Jolie Lipsticks.

I don't understand.

They want me to write something?

Whatever you said
in that brainstorming session

apparently knocked their socks off.

Oh, my gosh.

I don't know what to say.

You will, of course,
continue to cover Mr. Draper's desk.

Any writing you do
will be on your own time.

Do I get a raise?

No.

Congratulations.

More work and more responsibility.

I guess you'll be entitled
to some dinner money.

That's swell.

Maybe I should go and thank them?

I'm not really dressed.
Tomorrow, maybe?

No need.
They wanted me to tell you.

They were very specific about it.

Well, you know what they say:
The medium is the message.

And here I was just wishing for a man
to help me with my yard work.

Sorry.

That's what I get for being domestic.

Let's get this off.

Oh, God, hold that.

The thought.

Hi, Roy.

Hi, beautiful.

What's shakin'?

Busy dance card, huh?

Uh, Roy, this is my friend Don Draper.

Don, this is Roy Hazellit.

Pleasure.

Lan's playing down at the Gaslight.

We're gonna go support him,
pass the basket.

You in?

That is if Dad will let you out.

Sounds like fun.

Don, we should go down for a while.

Come on. It'll be a kick.
What do you say?

Afraid you'll miss the 5:31?

I think I'm gonna stay here.

I'll wear a skirt and nothing else.

What took you so long?

One of the media buyers
ambushed me in the elevator

with tickets to the ballet, of all things.

I told him I had plans,

but he insisted we share
a cab across town anyways.

I couldn't shake him.

Which one was it?

George Asbury. He's a hound.

It doesn't matter.
They're all just boys.

Poor bastard probably
couldn't help himself,

the way you glide around that office
like some magnificent ship.

Well, I don't want to be a distraction.

Shall I, um, order horse blinders
for the rest of the office?

You didn't.

Oh, I sure did.

Well, what am I supposed to do with it?

The store lady said you can do anything
but put the cage on the radiator.

You're terrible.

Well, you can't blame a man for trying.

I just hate the thought
of having to share you.

You don't have to share me now.

Joanie, you smell so good.

I've been thinking about this all day.

Mona is looking at a weekend
in Old Saybrook with the in-laws.

There's not enough liquor in the world.

Roger.

Sorry.

"Mary Katharine Cahill,

"a daughter of Harriet M. Barr

"and Archibald W. Barr
of Stonington, Connecticut,

"and Kevin Mark Duncan III,

"a son of Beatrice Hoslinger

"and Kevin Mark Duncan, Jr.,
of Manhattan,

"were married last evening

at the Episcopal Church
of the Heavenly Rest. "

He travels around the country

and collects miniature
replicas of monuments...

Washington Memorial,
Bunker Hill, Mount Rushmore...

and then he sticks them up his ass.

Symbolism intended.

No place to put your coat.

Switch seats with me.

No way.

Can we get a round over here?

Jack Daniels, Duchess.

Sounds like a great idea.

Anyway, turns out this Spanish cat and I

are mucho simpatico
with the direction we talked about going.

With the "Theater of the People" thing?

Conscious drama.

Not the soulless bullshit

kept alive by the middle class

with their season tickets
to Dick Van Dyke and Mary Martin.

I bet Don here can tell you firsthand.

Broadway is the birthplace
of mediocrity.

"The groom wore a matching boutonniêre
of sweetheart roses. "

Well, maybe it's born there,

but I think it may be conceived right here.

"The couple will
honeymoon in Jamaica,

and take up residence in Rye, New York. "

Thank you, Don.

L'chaim.

So what do you do, Don?

I blow up bridges.

Don's in advertising.

No way.

Madison Avenue? What a gas.

We all have to serve somebody.

Perpetuating the lie.

How do you sleep at night?

On a bed made of money.

Isn't this an education?

You hucksters in your tower created
the religion of mass consumption.

People want to be told what to do so badly
that they'll listen to anyone.

When you say people,

I have a feeling you're
talking about thou.

And I have a feeling

that you spent more time
on your hair this morning than she did.

You two want to head
to the urinals and poke it out?

So, Roy,

if you had a job...

what would you do?

I'm starting a theater,
right here in the Village.

It's a cooperative.

Midge is going to get in there,
paint some flats.

I said I'd think about it.

Last night I dreamed

of making love to Fidel Castro
in a king-size bed

at the Waldorf-Astoria.

"¡Viva la revoluciónl" he roared,

as he vanquished my dress.

Outside the window,

Nikita Khrushchev watched us,

plucking a chicken.

Take off your shirt!

Take your shirt off!

I should go.

Too much art for me.

Stay.

This is Ian.

We'll go right afterwards.

By the waters

The waters of Babylon

We lay down and wept

And wept

For thee, Zion

We remember thee

Remember thee

Remember thee, Zion

By the waters

The waters of Babylon

- We lay down and wept
- By the waters

- And wept
- The waters

- For thee, Zion
- Of Babylon

- We remember thee
- By the waters

- Remember thee
- The waters

- Remember thee, Zion
- Of Babylon

- We remember thee
- We lay down and wept

- Remember thee
- And wept

- Remember thee, Zion
- For thee, Zion

- By the waters
- We lay down and wept

- The waters
- And wept

- Of Babylon
- For thee, Zion

- We lay down and wept
- By the waters

- And wept
- The waters

- For thee, Zion
- Of Babylon

- We remember thee
- By the waters

- Remember thee
- The waters

- Remember thee, Zion
- Of Babylon