MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 7, Episode 5 - The Coltons - full transcript

Stay, frog.

Lookin' for me, Jesse?

Yeah.

Yeah, as a matter of fact,

I was looking for my
brother, frank, and MacGyver.

Yeah?

Well, they'll be
joining you soon.

Real soon.

Hey, quit slobbering
all over me.

Come here. Let's go.

You try something and the
next one's through your head.



Colton!

But I shot you.

Yeah, egan.

Right in a bulletproof vest.

Out of the car.
Let's go! Let's go!

Come on!

Put your pieces in the back
of this pickup one at a time.

You first, egan.

- Frank.
- Yeah?

- See that bottle next to the bomb?
- Yeah.

That's sulfuric acid.

It'll eat right through these
ropes if we can get to it.

Well, we can't, so it ain't.

I think we are done for.



All right, all right, let's not
be giving up just yet, okay?

Who said anything
about givin'...

- Bless.

Hold it, hold it. Wait a minute.

There's only one thing in the
whole world that I'm allergic to.

Frog!

Hey, get in here,
you ugly thing.

Good boy.

We need that bottle of stuff.

- Come on, that's it.
- Come on.

Move on down a little further.

Come on, boy.

Sweet thing, come in.

Come on. Go ahead.

Push the bottle.

Come on.

Come on now, nose it off.

Not the bomb, the bottle!

Oh, you stupid hound. Stop!

Good boy. Good boy.

Now, we need the bottle.

Not the bomb, the bottle.

No, you dummy. The bottle!

You keep calling him names
like that, he's gonna take a walk.

He knows I love him.

Don't you, sugar puss?

Come on,
push the bottle, froggie.

Come on down, sweetheart.

He's not gonna
cooperate, MacGyver.

Well, look what we got here.

The queer money, and
the plates that made it.

Now where's my brother
frank and MacGyver?

Come on, frog. Push the bottle.

Push it,
push it. Come on.

Push it, push it. Come on.

He did it. He got the right one.

All right, get him to
bring it over here. Quick.

Okay, okay, come
on. Come on, now.

Jump down. Come
on down. That's it.

That's it.

Bring uncle frank
the bottle, froggie.

Come on, boy, come on.

That's it. Come on.

Now come on, froggie.

All right. Here's how
it's gonna go down, boys.

You don't tell me
what I need to know,

I start at your kneecaps

And work my way up.

See what you look like
with nine bellybuttons.

You got one minute.

Come on, froggie.

Bring MacGyver the
bottle so we all don't die.

Would you look at that?

Good boy, frog.

Now, put the bottle
on the end of the ruler.

He's doing it. He's doing it.

He didn't do it.

Hey, froggie, if you don't put
that bottle on top of that ruler,

I'm gonna tell mama,
no more chicken livers.

You're back to dog food.

That dog will enjoy a
lifetime of chicken livers.

Just how long will
that lifetime be?

Good question.

So, that's a beautiful thing.

What'll that stuff
do to your skin?

Nothing, if I can
keep it on the rope.

Go!

Let's get out of here, froggie.

Come on!

Five, four,

- Three...

Jesse, hit the deck!

- Whoa!

Oh, good.

I was just looking for you guys.

MacGyver called.

He's not gonna be
able to make it over.

He said them news people
driving him half crazy,

so he gonna hide out for a
week up in the mountains.

College.

I don't even know what
classes to sign up for.

First two years, they tell you.

Now how would you know?

You ain't even seen the
inside of a high school,

let alone college.

I know because I'm three years, eight
months, six days older than you are.

Therefore, wiser than you are,

- you know, - I'll get it.

There comes a time when
chronological age and wisdom catch up.

In our case,

That happened when you
was about four years old.

Mama Colton, how are you?

Johnny Denmark!

I haven't seen you since when?

Uh, two years ago next month.

That's right. It was
at that block party

Right after your
swearing-in ceremony.

Well, it's about time you got
back to your old neighborhood.

And it feels good
to be home, mama.

Don't just stand
there, come on in.

There's a familiar face.

Frog, right?

I remember you, too, from
the block party. Mean and ugly.

Oh, don't mind him. He
sometime cranky in the morning.

Fellas, look who's here,

the assistant district
attorney himself.

How you doing, Johnny?

Good, frank.

Nice to see you, Jesse.

Still throwing that
mean fastball?

No, no, not since high school.

How about some sweet
cake and coffee, Johnny?

Thought you'd never ask.

Ah, the restaurant's
been closed, what, um,

10 years now?

Close enough. But
not nearly long enough.

The restaurant's potential
reopening motivates certain of us

to keep the bounty-hunting
business healthy and thriving,

if you know what I mean.

Yes, I get
your point, mama.

So, what brings you
here, Mr. Denmark?

I need your brothers' help.

What?

Since when did you
start reaching down so low

That you need the help of
a couple of bounty hunters?

You're the best in
the business, Jesse.

Yeah, right.

I was reminded of that

When I read how you busted
that counterfeiting ring last night.

There were three killings
in Chinatown last night,

all behind a power
struggle run by this man.

His name is chi.

He pulled the trigger and crowned
himself the new godfather of Chinatown.

Now, if I can nail
him for those murders,

then Chinatown's
underworld will be crippled.

But?

But...

I have to find
this girl to do it.

They call her madussa.

Supposedly, she's the dead
godfather's new number-one lady

And an eyewitness
to the killings.

I just can't get an ID on her.

You got a whole
police force to do that.

Word on the street is that chi has
bribed the police on the Chinatown beat.

If they get to this lady first,

she'll never make it to
the witness stand alive.

That's why I need you guys.

Hmm, bad night
here last night, huh?

Tell me about it.

Well, I sure know one thing.

I wouldn't be
sleeping too sound,

Having seen a
massacre like that one.

Who said I saw anything?

Hey, come on, come on.

They call her madussa.

Give us a righteous
name and we're out of here.

Never saw her before.

Look, darling, she is in danger.

You help us, and
we can help her.

Please?

I... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Now, I know you can put more
than a street name to this pretty face.

What makes you think so?

What makes you ask?

Jesse.

This does, bro.

These guys impersonating
police officers?

Us? Police?

Shoot, we ain't never done
nothing to make anybody think...

Hey!

I heard nobody
ask you a question.

You know what? You're
right. You're absolutely right.

Okay, come on,
you know the drill.

Well,
now, lookee here.

He's in the
door-shaking business.

Now, one time,

Before we put you
out of the business.

Why are you asking
about this witness?

Before I answer that question,

why don't you try to put
me out of the business?

Look, you!

- Hey!

Don't you ever touch a cop!

Hey, that's my brother!

Uh, but he did
ask for it, didn't he?

You know, we have
tried time and time again

to talk to him about
that temper of his.

Hey, I'm gone. I'm gone.

Uh, sorry to have been
such a bother, ma'am.

Jesse,
all I got to say is

you've got a lousy bedside
manner with everybody.

You think you could've
done any better?

No question about it.

Hey, you!

Not you. The nice one.

"Patricia fielding."

We've got ourselves
a lead, brother.

The gentle way.

Wired sheree a bouquet
of flowers in Hawaii.

You know, soften up the
San Francisco disappointment.

You think Santa Barbara
would be a nice compromise?

I think you're getting a little soft
in the head, that's what I think.

Sheree finds out you
can't afford San Francisco,

She's gonna send you packin'.

Wear this. It'll mellow you out.

- Get away from me with that.
- Here, here, here.

- Hey, back up, sucker.

- Come on, man. Come on.
- Cut it... get away from me, would you?

What?

Is that any way to answer
the phone, Jesse Colton?

Sorry, mama, I
didn't know it was you.

I don't care who it is.

You gather more with honey
than you do with vinegar.

Didn't I teach you that?

Yes, mama.

Listen, did you,
uh, happen to do

any networking
on Patricia fielding?

Well, that's the
reason I'm calling.

Between henrietta at the dmv

and Jolene at the courthouse,

I found out that
she's the daughter

of the former Loretta
woo and g. Irwin fielding

Of fielding savings and loan.

G. Irwin?

The guy that's up for ripping
off all those depositors?

That's him.

Jolene got into the
probation officer's report,

and Loretta woo is that pretty
little fashion model from Taiwan

that was so popular in the '60s.

She married g. Irwin when he
was a young hotshot on wall street.

Skip the gossip, mama.

Did Jolene give you an address?

She sure did.

It's out in the highlands.

Gotta be a pretty
fancy place, too.

Mary Alice Johnson used
to sew for a lady up there.

Her name was Chandler.

She was related to..

Mama. The address?

Don't be so impatient, Jesse.

What I'm trying to tell you
is I called their housekeeper

and she told me that the
Fieldings are having lunch

with Patricia at the
bayside yacht club today.

I expect before the day is over,

you boys will have this
case tied up with a ribbon.

Well, with your
kind help, we sure will.

Tell Johnny Denmark
what we have, if you would.

Thank you, mama.

It's my pleasure.

Goodbye, now.

We've gotta talk, mama.

Baby, we have already
had this conversation.

Yeah, but you've
done just fine, mama.

And you're self-educated.

I mean, you've read more books

and you know more about
stuff than anyone I've ever met.

Uh-huh. And you're
going to know even more

when you get out of college.

Now it's time for you to get
on the road to registration,

And it's time for me to
get back to my garden.

I guess I'm just gonna
have to prove I'm ready.

Afternoon,
miss fielding. Allow me.

Mother.

Well, mama
was right on the money.

Another five minutes,

and we'll have
Patricia fielding,

and this case will
be wrapped up tight.

Now, the question is, who
are they and what are they...

Uh-oh. Frank and Jesse
must be here already.

Come on. Come on.

Well, I got no choice now, do I?

He talked to me and he listened.

He talked to you?

A gangster talked to you?

You have become
little more than a whore.

Then I guess we're
not so different after all,

are we, daddy?

Can't you understand
what is happening here?

I witnessed a gangland killing.

Those men in
Chinatown wanna kill me.

I have no money.

And I...

I need your help to get away.

You'll get no
help from me, young lady.

We'd like to help, Patricia.

Who are you?

Get down! Get down!

Frog!

Frank!

Gotcha, sucker.

Oh, Jesse, there's two of them!

There's
another one! Get down!

Jesse!

What the hell are
you doing here?

Uh, well, I was on my
way to school, right?

I can't see him.

No need to.

Now there's one lesson
I won't learn in college.

You got that right.

Hey, no, you ain't
getting me into that, okay?

Come on.

Just couldn't wait for
me, could you, Jesse?

You missed it, frank.

Jesse and I got busy.

Patricia, no!

Colton brothers.

Yes, hello?

Uh, this is Loretta fielding.

I'd like to speak to one of
the Colton brothers, please.

Yes, this is frank Colton.

You said you can
help my daughter.

Keep her safe?

Yeah, where
can we find her?

I'm at 10th and gramercy.

We'll be there in 10 minutes.

Thanks you for coming.

You were right. You are
the only ones who can help.

Where is she?

There.

It's the only place I know
with people I can count on.

Let's go.

Don't look now, but I
think we got company.

Check out the
reflection in the window.

It's okay. These are
the men I told you about.

My mom says I should trust you.

We're gonna need all you got.

We were followed.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

Score.

- Home free.
- I hope.

What do you mean by that?

- My left eye is twitching.
- Oh, great.

What are you guys talking about?

Nothing.

Besides, that twitch
is only worth 10%.

Billy?

Listen to me, and
don't say a word.

Yeah, sure. He's right here.

It's frank.

Do you have the girl?

Got her. Where to?

The old boatyard at
industrial and Fairview.

My assistant, Charles,
will meet you there.

Right.

They have her.

Oh, I have to tell you,

your boys are the best.

Hello?

We have
our witness, Charles.

I want you to set up the
transport boat and the safe house.

I'll meet you at the boatyard
as soon as I can get there.

Thank you for your
hospitality, Billy.

- Mama Colton.
- It's our pleasure.

If you have any more
cases for the Colton brothers,

- just give us a call, you hear?
- Thank you.

Frank said he wanted you
to check out the number

- Mr. Denmark dialed with your friend at the phone company.
- What for?

- I think his eye's twitching again.
- Ooh. Give me that.

I don't like this
place. It feels eerie.

- What's that guy's name? Charles?
- Uh-huh.

- Is your eye still twitching?
- Uh-huh.

I think I got a possible
answer to the logic of it.

What's that?

Those two cops.

- Yeah?
- They're not very good at what at they do.

True.

Now, if I was the
godfather of Chinatown,

they'd be the
last ones I'd juice.

That would be a waste of money.

Now, if they didn't
put the squeeze

on that barmaid
at the ho ho club,

and put them two Hong Kong
gangsters on our tail, somebody else did.

Now my twitchin'
makes some sense.

See, I'm glad you
took the precaution

To have Billy check
on Johnny Denmark.

Jesse?

I was a hair too late.

That phone number that
Johnny Denmark called

belongs to a social
club in Chinatown.

Frank felt it.

- I'll call the police.
- No, no, mama.

If we can't trust
the assistant da,

there's no telling
who'd show up.

Billy, if you get hurt, I'm gonna
whack you across your head!

And what is it I
can do for you two?

We got some questions to
ask frank and Jesse Colton.

Are you the two that pushed
my Jesse down a flight of stairs?

Uh, he tripped.

Uh-huh.

Well, I got some questions
I wanna ask myself.

And maybe we should have
a meaningful conversation.

Wonder what they're up to.

No good.

You wear your vest this morning?

Like mama said, never
leave home without it.

Any ideas?

No. You?

Pismo beach.

What?

Sheree might go for pismo
beach over Santa Barbara.

It's a lot cheaper.

Frog.

Draw that dude off while
I make it up those stairs.

Go on now, get!

Hey, hold it in.
They'll hear you.

Frog!

Now I got an idea.

Psst!

- Hey.

Speak, frog.

Speak.

Well, come on! Hit him!

What took you so long?

Why didn't you go
ahead and hit him?

You would've saved
me a lot of pain.

Way to go, froggie.

Hey, where's Billy?

That means he doesn't know.

Come on, let's go.

Looks like he
went the wrong way.

Hey, come on. Let's go.

Kick it, froggie,
we'll be right back.

Hey, how're you doing?

What's that you
say? I work here.

- Uh, workee?
- Yeah, you know, put 'em up white powder?

Uh, workee, workee?

Ah, workee, workee.

That's it. You got it.

Ah.

Uh...

You know, this isn't very good
employer-employee relations.

Okay.

All right, all
right. Chill, chill.

Any ideas?

Why do I always have to
come up with the ideas?

Okay, I've got one. Follow me.

You!

He's the brother of
those other two outside.

This how you keep
the streets safe?

If he knows about me,
then his mother knows.

Then we will take
care of the mother,

and no one will know.

Don't you touch my mama!

You animals!

$200,000 as promised,
Mr. District attorney.

What's this for?

To put a permanent
seal on our partnership.

Kill the boy.

This isn't part of
the arrangement.

Kill the boy, Mr. Denmark,

or we have no arrangement.

Let's go! Move in!

Go! Go!

Shoot them.

Both of them. Now!

I rather enjoyed that.

Yes! Yes!

Your boys sure got a strange
way of operating, Mrs. Colton.

But they do get the job
done, don't they? Come on.

Frank, Jesse, you all right?

Mama, what you doing here?

These two nice
policemen gave me a ride.

One of his buddies
is in the boat building.

Well, go ahead. Pick up this
trash my boys just threw out for you.

Yes, ma'am.

Where is Billy?

I... I'm right here,
mama. And I'm good.

I'm real good.

I'm afraid the boy's got a
little taste for the business.

He is going to college.

Oh, we know that,
don't we, Jesse?

Hey, it's real clear to me.

Mama, couldn't he just dabble
in the business a little bit?

Part-time, maybe?

Well, maybe, if his
schedule permits.

You boys could just
ease him into the skills

And wherewithal
of bounty hunting.

Mama,

You're starting to bend?

Well, a mother has
to let go sometime.

"Let go"?

A little.

Hey, frog!

Frog, presents!

Get it, boy!

- MacGyver, hi.
- Hi, mama.

Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, mama.

Hey, what's doing here?

You guys back in the
restaurant business?

Hey, you wash your
mouth out with soap.

Well,

There it is, mama.

Little, uh, compromise
I made with frank.

Changing
the image, you know.

What, cleaning up the
da's office and Chinatown

in the same day
wasn't enough to do it?

Well, taking down Denmark
took down our paycheck.

And Billy's tuition just
wiped out our reserves,

so frank thought we
ought to change the sign.

All right.

Yeah.

Looks good, doesn't it?

The prodigal son returns!

Sheree didn't go
for pismo beach.