MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 5, Episode 1 - Legend of the Holy Rose: Part 1 - full transcript

Leaders of the
economic summit in Geneva

vowed to ratify the
interim agreement.

In other news, the war against
the powerful drug lords of Colombia

has taken a new and
dangerous direction.

Narco-terrorism
has been unleashed

on the United States soil

with the same
degree of arrogance

as the declaration of war

made by the medellin
cocaine cartel leaders

Against the Colombian
government last month.

Fonsico echevirria, the
1st of the 12 extraditables



to be placed in U.S. custody,

and described as one
of the world's richest men,

has retaliated.

10 days ago,

His mercenaries kidnapped
a young American journalist.

Their hostage,
Alexander Shannon,

Son of United States
senator, Tom Shannon.

Young Shannon is the journalist

who exposed the inner
workings of the medellin cartel

In a major book
published last year.

Sources indicate that
the cartel has demanded

echevirria be released

with safe conduct
back to Colombia

in exchange for Shannon's life.



Authorities, however,
refuse comment,

only to state that echevirria
will not be released

under any circumstances.

On wall street
today, the financial...

You are neglecting
your work, Mr. Shannon.

And so long as you are my guest,

You will earn your keep, yes?

Don't get your hopes
up, Mr. Shannon.

It seems no one in your
country wants you back.

so, Escobar, how do you
like runnin' a prison camp

along with your
construction business?

Ah, the bosses know that
I pick the most secure sites

for their cocaine laboratories.

Why shouldn't they trust me

To keep their
prisoner of war, eh?

So I told my wife, maybe someday

I'll bring a good woman up here
for you to soak with in the hot tub.

What hot tub?

The one that I
brought up in the net.

Over there.

I don't order no
stinking hot tub.

Come on. Let's open it.

It's stupid.

Why would anybody
send me a hot tub?

Maybe the bosses thought
it would keep you happy.

I think the bosses spend
too much time in California.

Alexander Shannon?

Name's MacGyver.

American?

Proud of it.

I came to get you out of here.

You d.E.A.?

No, Phoenix foundation.

We find we don't have to
cut through as much red tape

to do this sort of thing.

I'll meet you behind
the storage area.

Uh, look, don't think me
ungrateful, but what's your plan?

I brought climbing equipment,
everything we need to get off the mountain.

Then we take a little boat ride.

I've got a problem. Your plan?

I tried it last week

without the climbing equipment.

Great.

You got any other ideas?

Yeah, the chopper.
It's all there is.

We got to get to it.

I guess we're just gonna
have to wait another 10 days.

I don't think you or my
makeup will last that long.

Ok.

New plan.

Where can I get 4
or 5 hours of privacy?

Lunch is over. The mess hall.

Ok.

You're gonna have
to help me on this.

I need a bunch of plastic.

Uh, something like,
uh, garbage bags.

Heavy-duty kind.

Heavy-duty garbage bags?

Yeah. And this
bamboo scaffolding,

about 100 feet should do it.

Can we discuss this?

No.

You don't want to know.

Right now, you've
got to find an excuse

To assemble the
scaffolding under that lean-to.

Can you handle that?

I think so.

Good.

Oh, and duct tape.

I'll need lots of duct tape.

Duct tape?

Hey, you! You, Shannon!

Where are you going
with that bamboo?

Uh, I thought I'd move
into the shade, Mr. Escobar.

That way I'll work faster.

All right.
Be sure you do.

A cement mixer?

MacGyver.

Garbage bags. More duct tape.

Lots of duct tape.

You're doing good.

How you holdin' up?

- Fine.
- That's good.

'Cause now I need you
to build me 5 basic frames.

2 of 'em, 20 by 5, 1, 9 by 2,

And 2, 9 by 6.

Slip 'em under the tent
flap as you finish 'em.

Oh! And another tire.

Uh, one of the
wheelbarrows ought to do it.

Oh, my god.

I just figured out
what you're doing.

You know what I think?
I think you're crazy!

Give me a few hours,
you'll know for sure.

I've got one section left.

I have a hunch we're
about to have company.

We'll make it. Just one
minute. We'll make it.

We don't have a
minute. They're coming.

Hold them off.

Get in here! Let's go!

Buckle up!

It'll never fly!

You don't know that!

It flies.

It really flies!

Of course!

Home, sweet home, sweet home.

Yeah.

And another one behind us.

MacGyver, I thank you.

And the Shannon
family thanks you.

Yeah.

Pete,

you want to tap into
some of your other agents

for the next month or 2?

I'm about to take
a very long nap.

Done.

Oh, uh, one thing.

The medellin cartel
is not too happy about

This great escape of yours,
so, uh, watch yourself, ok?

Good night, Pete.

Good night.

Want to hit the light?

Yeah, hit the lights.

Hello? Hello, MacGyver!

Remember me, MacGyver?

It's been a while.

Think. Mission city, Minnesota.

You were a senior in high
school, I was in 7th grade.

We lived next
door to each other.

Zoe?

Zoe Ryan?

I'm glad that the Colombian
rescue I read about

didn't completely
soften your brain.

You did this?

What's the matter? You
don't think the weaker sex

is up to a task this formidable?

You did! You did this!

Do you remember what
Jack Dalton always used to say

when we were kids
in the neighborhood?

"If you want MacGyver's help,

First you have to get his
full and undivided attention."

I think I did it. Don't you?

You've lost it, Zoe.

You are completely out of it.

And you haven't changed a bit.

You always used to
say stuff like that to me.

That's because you
were always a pest.

Like now.

Well, does this mean
you're not gonna help me?

That's right.

Well, I'm going then.

Nice to see you again, MacGyver.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What?

Give me the rope.

Does this mean
you're gonna help me?

It depends on what
you want me to do.

Well, it's not illegal or anything,
if that's what you're thinking.

Hey, did I tell you
that I got promoted?

You are now looking

at a full associate
professor in archaeology.

Congratulations. It
doesn't answer my question.

Oh, well, I found this
great lead in Greece.

It's an artifact
that's incredible,

and these guys wanted
to put up a Grant,

but they don't anymore because I
caught on they were playing games.

And, anyway, the Dean
shut down the whole project,

and I don't have a lot
of money to play with.

You'd think the
faculty would pitch in,

but those idiots think I'm
going off the deep end,

just because I dared to ask a
few too many picky questions

- Zoe...
- About their 50 years of precious research.

Which I think is the
most unmitigated,

- Zoe...
- Narrow minded, male dominated,

- Myopic bunch of...
- Hey! Slow down.

Zoe, will you hold it?

What?

Just tell me what
you want me to do.

Help me find the holy grail.

Indiana Jones already did that.

I saw the movie.

MacGyver, be serious.

You be serious.

I am.

Here we are.

Terrific.

You bet, terrific.

When I show you what I
have and what we're after,

you're gonna thank me
a thousand times over

for providing this opportunity.

- Yeah, I'm sure.
- Ryan!

Hold it right there! I
want to talk to you.

Another fan?

Bull grogan. He's a fascist pig.

Hi, coach. What
can I do for you?

I want you to see somethin'.

This is my friend, MacGyver.

Follow me!

Why do I get the feeling
that being your friend

could be dangerous?

Look. Just look at that!

Those are my students. So?

"So"? What "so"?

That's my football field and
there's a game tomorrow night.

And that field used to be an
Indian village about 200 years ago.

Listen, coach.

Your department has about
a hundred zillion dollars.

Mine is almost broke. Now what's
the more important contribution here?

A bunch of your neanderthals
crushing bones every Saturday night

so that the male ego can
go on another feeding frenzy,

or my students getting
their young minds nourished,

learning to draw on the past

so that maybe we can
develop a more humane future.

It's not a bad question.

They had better be out of there

and that field back to playing
condition before Saturday's game,

or your department's
not only gonna be broke,

it's gonna be annihilated!

Gosh, he bugs me.

Sometimes, I think the
whole faculty is against me.

Well, I wouldn't have any
doubts about the coach.

Well, they'll see.

Just wait till I
prove it to 'em.

Just wait till you and I
come up with the evidence.

This, uh, holy grail?

Yeah, what I'm about to
show you, Mr. MacGyver,

Is going to knock
your socks off.

Ugh!

Stop him! Stop him!

Don't let him get away!

Why didn't you stop him?

Was he carrying anything?

My god, I hope
he didn't find it.

Oh, please, please,
please, let it be here.

Who was that guy?

I can't prove it,

but probably one
of Von leer's goons.

Whose goons?

You know, erich Von leer.
That fat cat from South Africa

Who darn near controls the
world market in precious stones.

And a world class thief,
in my humble opinion.

Well, why would this Von
leer be so interested in

whatever it is
you're looking for?

It's kind of complicated.

Zoe, everything about
you is complicated. Try me.

Well, Von leer put up a
Grant for my last expedition.

Only I didn't know
it was Von leer.

The school ran the money through
a department account, you know?

- Yeah.
- So, the second I got back from Greece with my find,

Von leer was banging
on the Dean's door

Trying to put up another Grant to
finance the follow-up expedition.

- Yeah.
- Only this time I find out

That Von leer has
his fingers in the pot.

So, I told 'em all
to kiss off and die,

'cause with their money
comes their control, you know?

So, the Dean went nuts.

Pulled the plug on
the whole project.

That's why I got you to
volunteer for the mission.

Now, they're trying
to steal the artifact.

I got it!

He didn't find it.

I got it.

Look, I got it. It's safe.

That's swell.

MacGyver.

MacGyver!

- Where are you going?
- Home.

- Are you all right?
- No.

But, I'll take my chances.

And should you choose to
set me adrift at sea once again,

so be it.

I'll still be a lot better
off than I am right now.

- Then you're not gonna help me find the holy grail?
- That's right.

But you have to. I
don't have anyone else.

Zoe, is it any wonder?

Did anyone ever tell you that you
operate about 15 degrees off center?

I'm misunderstood
sometimes. That's all.

I don't think the coach
misunderstood his football field.

I, for sure, did
not misunderstand

my houseboat ending
up in the middle of the bay,

Or the way my jaw
feels at this moment.

Over a souvenir pillow!

- Come on!
- This?

It's not this. Look.

Look here.

This is Diana's mirror.

It was made by ambrose,

One of the 12th century's
greatest alchemists.

- Look at it.
- I'm not interested.

But it holds the key to a
secret that's over 800 years old.

Ambrose's secret. Look.

I am absolutely not interested.

A secret that some people think
could solve the mysteries of life.

For crying out loud, MacGyver,
why don't you just look at it?

I am

Not...

He is coming, Mr. Von leer.

Diana's mirror.

Where is it?

I didn't find it. They
came in on me.

They?

The professor and... and
some guy she was with.

I've never seen him before.

But they saw you.

Oh, that's no problem. I
don't think they can I.D. Me.

You don't think.

With all that's at risk, you're
entirely too casual, Mr. Ahriman.

Casual? When she found
that gold mirror in Greece,

I started believing
all that legend jive.

About a giant Ruby
and a hidden temple

and a billion or so in
precious stones, so,

You don't have to worry about me,
Mr. Von leer, I've got the big picture.

Shima thinks there's much
more than just treasure at risk,

don't you, shima?

You mean, all this hocus
pocus about the grail

and, uh, finding the
elixir of eternal life?

Well, I ain't gone
quite that far overboard.

Now, don't tell me you buy
into shima's mumbo jumbo.

Do you?

I look at it this way.

If shima's correct, we'll all
have a great deal more time

to enjoy the proceeds
from the treasures

of the temple of the
holy Rose, won't we?

Yeah, well, I'll be
more than happy

to spend my cut
as a mere mortal.

I don't think you'll have that
opportunity, Mr. Ahriman.

Shima.

Well, now we must attend to
the professor and her new friend.

So with the help of
the ambrose legend,

I tracked Diana's
mirror through 13 digs.

4 years it took me.

I found it in an ottoman ruin,

so, now I want to find the
temple of the holy Rose,

where ambrose hid

All of the artifacts of
Diana and the grail.

The stuff neolithic
societies worship.

Because when I do, when we do,

we'll prove that society took a
wrong turn about 5000 years ago.

We'll prove that the human race

used to get along
with one another.

- Zoe...
- That men and women lived as equals,

And people, people
were loving and nurturing,

and had a reverence for nature.

- Zoe, slow down.
- They didn't destroy their environment,

But cared for it.

And most important,
they lived without war.

- Ok, but...
- And if the human race

Can live in peace once,
they can do it again.

Don't you see? If we can prove

that we're not destined to
hurt and persecute each other,

maybe we can get back on track

before we annihilate ourselves.

Ok!

But what has all that
got to do with this?

I told you.

Diana's mirror is the
key to finding the temple.

No, you haven't
told me anything.

What temple?

I believe Zoe is speaking of
the temple of the holy Rose.

It's the resting place of the
cauldron of regeneration,

otherwise known
as the holy grail,

related to the goddess Diana.

Thank you.

Professor wycliff, hi.

This is my friend, MacGyver.

Oh, yes, the man you said
you were going to recruit

to help with your
follow-up expedition.

That escape of yours in Colombia

Was very interesting
reading, Mr. MacGyver.

Well, pardon me if I
seem rude, professor,

but I'm not real sure
I'm going anywhere.

Not until I know
where and what for.

And I don't.

You don't?

I'm afraid in
professor Ryan's zeal,

to change the
direction of archeology,

or society, for that matter,

She does assume a level of
knowledge one does not yet possess.

Perhaps the two of us can,
uh, help fill in the blanks?

The vault here

is environmentally controlled

to preserve these rare
illuminated manuscripts.

Ah, here we are.
The story of ambrose.

The legend goes on to say

that the great alchemist ambrose

protected the artifacts

and the grail of all
the female deities

from destruction by the church,

by building a secret temple.

There we are.

Beautiful, isn't it?

The story of ambrose.

The temple he built

is supposedly 100
fathoms in diameter,

surrounded by 72 chapels

made of blue
sapphires and emeralds,

and in the center of the
building, under the dome,

is where the holy
vessel is kept.

The cauldron of regeneration.

And you really think this temple
ambrose built really exists, huh?

Until Zoe found Diana's mirror,

supposedly wrought
by ambrose himself,

I was prepared to relegate the
stories of the bards to myth and legend,

but, now...

Now, we have the first
piece of the ambrose puzzle.

The first piece?

The legend holds
ambrose created 3 artifacts

to symbolize the mother goddess,

And dispersed
them across Europe.

And you got to
have all 3 together

to point the way to the temple.

Diana's mirror,

the scepter of the triple deity,

and the holy Rose itself.

That's why Von leer was so
hot to put up another Grant.

So we could lead
him right to the Booty.

Well, Von leer and his
grants are behind us now.

I don't think so. Someone
was just in my office.

I'm positive they were
trying to steal the mirror.

- Oh?
- And my money says Von leer is behind it.

If he finds the temple first,
everything that can turn a buck for him

will be melted down,
chopped up, reset and sold

Before one scholar
gets a look at it.

And we can't let that happen.

Finding Diana's temple
and all of the artifacts

Could start a
scholastic revolution.

- Zoe...
- Turn a whole school

Of fuzzy academic
thinking completely around.

Are you done?

That's my dream. To do that.

You have Diana's mirror.

Where does it point?

To the scepter.

But, I'm afraid professor
Ryan is still trying to work out

the problem of where
it may be located.

No more. I figured
it out last night.

According to the
great alchemist himself,

it's in the Abbey
of Saint acerinus.

He says, and I quote,

"et ibi aliquando sese exorciza

tu daemon foede."

"And once there, exorcise
thee, thou unclean spirit."

I've heard a phrase
like that before.

What does it mean?

I don't have a clue.

But, we'll find out
when we get there.

Where is there?

London.

London.

An 800 year old Abbey
in the middle of england?

Chances are it's not
even standing anymore.

Then we'll dig.

I'm not that good with a shovel.

Come on, MacGyver, I need you.

Why? Why me?

Because when I think of all the
brilliant things that ambrose did

to protect what was
good and decent,

he reminds me of you.

So what better person
to help solve his mystery?

That's quite a
compliment, Mr. MacGyver.

Or quite a snow job.

What do you say? Will you go?

Your ambrose was quite a guy.

Oh, thank you.

Ryan and MacGyver.
Just grab our bags.

We're gonna be
back to check in later.

Later? Wait a
minute. What later?

I was thinking of taking a
shower, grabbing something to eat,

Freshening up a little bit.

MacGyver, the find of a
lifetime is out there waiting for us

And you want to ding around
with personal comforts?

It's been waiting 800 years. I don't
think another day is gonna matter.

A day? You want to
wait until tomorrow?

I already can't eat,
thinking about it.

I would not sleep a wink if
I had to wait until tomorrow.

What are you trying
to do, ruin my health?

Me ruin your health?

Forgive me, mate, but do I
keep the meter ticking or what?

Oh, all right.

Drop us at the Abbey
of Saint acerinus.

You're the greatest.

Yeah. Me and ambrose.

There's no Abbey in
my book called acerinus.

Acerinus.

It's section 2, lot 5,
parcel 16 in Chelsea.

Ducky, do I look
like a surveyor?

Oh, yeah.

Corner of whittingham
and bellows.

Think you can find that?

They are on their way.

Make sure they have
a proper greeting.

Well, I'll bet you old
ambrose never expected this.

Hey, at least the building
is still standing. Come on.

Hello?

Hello yourself.

No need to holler, dearie,
you'll raise the dead.

Um, hi. We... we'd
like a couple of tickets.

And I'd like to oblige a
handsome bloke such as yourself,

but as you can see,

Jamie and me are just in the
process of closing up for the day.

Aren't we, Jamie?

It's only 3:00.

It's Monday, dearie.
At 3:00 on Monday,

Jamie stands watch while I
go to see me hairdressers.

You'll have to come
back tomorrow, love.

- Shoot.
- Uh, eunice,

Here's a little something
for your hairdresser.

For being late.

Well, now,

Isn't he just the
smooth one, all right?

10 minutes. You hear?

10 minutes. Come along, James.

Isn't he
just the smooth one all right?

Now there's a
comprehensive vision

of christianity's
gory history for you.

Any idea of how to start
looking for a scepter in here?

Start thinking like your
ancient counterpart.

How would he have hidden it?

What was that inscription
on Diana's mirror?

Iter nunc face ad abbatiam...

Now, come on.

My Latin is very rusty.

"Journey now to the
Abbey of St. acerinus.

Once there, exorcize
thee, thou unclean spirit."

"Exorcize thee,
thou unclean spirit."

I know I've heard
that phrase before.

That's it, of course.

That's what? You're
onto something?

Michele borges' new baby.

Uh, she and her husband, Mike,
both work at the Phoenix foundation.

Well, terrific, but what does
that have to do with anything?

I went to their baby's
baptism last month,

And during the ceremony,
the priest said the same thing.

"Exorcize thee,
thou unclean spirit."

Get it? Water...

Baptism! Baptismal!

You're right. And there
should be one in here.

Part of the building structure.

From what I can remember
of 12th century architecture,

that should be it.

Take these panels down.

No scepter.

Look. Look here.

Yeah, aren't these markings
like the one on the mirror?

The same.

The points fit in the slots.

Hallelujah, ambrose.

3 scepters!

Well, that makes sense.

Mother of creatures,

lunar virgin,

Huntress.

Next step, the holy Rose.

I'm afraid you're in for a
major disappointment, ducky.

But I'll give your best to
me hairdresser all the same.

Come on,
move out of there.

Von leer.

Yes, professor.

You've made it
quite difficult for us.

Yeah, she's very good at that.

And MacGyver of the
Phoenix foundation.

We looked you up.

Good. Glad to hear it.

Impressive credentials.

In fact, I've determined that you're
far too dangerous to have around,

so I've had to make a
very difficult decision.

The professor will accompany me

and provide the
appropriate interpretations

to the secrets of ambrose
so we may find the treasure.

And you will die.
Shima, shoot him.

No!

I swear, you touch him,
these scepters get wiped out.

You'll never find the temple.

Well,

looks like she's got you
in what we call a standoff.

You're right. You're
absolutely right.

She must care a great
deal for you, Mr. MacGyver.

Eunice, get the car ready.

Yes, sir.

Mammon, introduce Mr. MacGyver
to the, uh, sarcophagus, would you?

What are you doing?

I'm giving you the opportunity to
make a more considered decision.

Now, professor, I do wish you'd
reconsider your previous threat.

You see, as the water
level in this tank lowers,

it fills the spoon,

which then triggers the ratchet

and lowers the blade.

One of the more ingenious
devices of the inquisition,

wouldn't you say?

In a minute or so, Mr. MacGyver
will begin to suffer terribly.

When it's all over, he'll
be half the man he was.

You dirty, rotten, simple-minded
excuse for a human being.

If one hair on his head is...

Control yourself! You have a
very important decision to make.

All right! Stop it!

A wise decision.

Hurry up, hurry!

Come on.
Get him off of there.

Escort her to the car. Now!

What about MacGyver?

Von leer!

Von leer!

You...

You're very fortunate to have
such caring friends, Mr. MacGyver.

I'm sure that your expertise
would be very useful

in our quest for the
temple of the holy Rose,

but, uh,

as I said before, you're
just too dangerous.

Intriguing, isn't it?