MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 3, Episode 7 - Jack in the Box - full transcript

( Phone ringing )

( Ringing continues )

( Click )

Hi, this is MacGyver.

We all know how
these things work,

So when you hear
the beep... Go for it.

( Beep )

Dalton: MacGyver,
pick up if you're there.

You ever heard of staying home?

Never mind.

This is your good buddy, Jack.



Listen, I've got myself
into just a touch of trouble

down here in bayonne
county, Arkansas.

A little hoe-down town
called smiley, to be exact.

In fact, it's more than
a touch of trouble.

I've really outdone
myself this time.

I need your help, old buddy,

and if you ever want to see

Any of that money
I owe you, well...

Mac, I gotta go.

They're coming for me.

Oh, god, Mac, get here.

You gotta come get me.

I... oh, help, no...

( Screaming )



( Click and beep )

( Chuckles )

( Taps table )

Louella,

Ah, fair louella.

What do I owe thee
for thy grits and gravy?

Why, Mr. Dalton,

A trip to Hollywood should
just about cover everything.

Everything?

Anything.

( Dalton whistles )

Done. Now how
about one for the road?

Can I have a beer, please?

Sure, honey.

Pssf!

Getting hot in here, ain't it?

Don't you think
you've had enough?

No, siree.

Well... maybe.

But I want more than enough.

Thank you, my sweet.

I shall return.

You can't take that
beer out of here.

No problem, officer.

Wrong.

There is a problem...
And you're it.

Now see what you done?

Destruction of property,

Disturbing the peace.

Resisting your ugliness.

Smart mouth, huh?

( Grunting )

You gonna pay, Hollywood.

( Handcuffs clicking )

Oh, boy.

Tell me I enjoyed
myself, will you?

You enjoyed yourself.

Oh, boy.

Four days on a rowboat
with wet pants. Ugh!

I've got mosquito bites on
top of my mosquito bites.

Thought I was
gonna have sunstroke.

Now, coming home,
I smell like old bait.

But you didn't come
home empty-handed.

( Laughing )

Look at that.

Oh, is that a sweetheart?

Have you got a
camera and some film?

- Yeah.
- We need a picture.

- Come on.
- No, come on...

Is this a picture? Look!

- Oh, come on.
- Sh...

( Laughing )

( Tape rolling back, then beep )

Dalton: MacGyver,
pick up if you're there.

You ever heard of staying home?

Never mind.

This is your good buddy, Jack.

Uh-oh.

I've got myself

into just a touch of trouble

down here in bayonne
county, Arkansas.

My advice is to turn
that off right now.

- A little hoe-down
town - Pete...

Called smiley, to be exact.

In fact, it's more than
a touch of trouble.

I've really outdone
myself this time.

I need your help, old buddy.

Now, why doesn't
that surprise me?

If you ever want to see any
of that money I owe you, well...

Thornton: Oh, that's bribery.

He's trying to bribe you.

Forget it; Tear up the I.O.U.S.

I gotta go.

They're coming for me.

Oh, god, get here.

You gotta come get me.

I... oh, help! No...

( Screaming )

( Machine clicks, then beeps )

That is a ploy.

You know that.

How do I know that?

Well, when hasn't it been?

Well, right.

But he does sound
like he's in trouble.

Well, of course he's in trouble.

He's always in trouble.

But you didn't get him
there; He got there by himself.

Pete, the man's my friend.

What kind of friend?

When does he call you?

When he wants to con
you into some favor,

or he needs you to rescue him.

And he's always
getting you in trouble.

How long are you
going to baby-sit

for this guy, forever?

All right.

I get the point.

And you're right.

I'm not going to be
sucked in by him this time.

He's on his own.

I'm not going.

Well, good.

MacGyver: My grandpa
used to say that friendship

was a two-sided coin.

It can turn out to be the best

or the worst investment
you ever made.

I guess whenever I
flipped the coin of friendship

with Jack Dalton,

he usually wound
up in over his head,

And I usually wound
up covering his tail.

To refuse Jack's call
for help was useless.

If I did, I'd just end up

feeling guilty
the rest of my life

if anything bad happened to him.

And aside from guilt,

there was always
the curiosity factor...

This time, the question being:

"what on earth brought a
man about town like Jack Dalton

to smiley, Arkansas?"

Howdy.

Um, I'm looking
for a friend of mine.

His name's Jack Dalton.

He's not from
around these parts.

You probably don't
know him, but, uh,

that's a picture of him.

Haven't seen him, huh?

Uh, this is smiley,
Arkansas, isn't it?

Thought so.

Just checking.

( Customers chattering )

Coffee?

Uh, no, thank you.

Do you have any juice?

Lemonade.

I squeezed it
fresh this morning.

That'll be fine.

Anything else?

As a matter of
fact, I'm looking for

a friend of mine.

Louella: Jack Dalton?

You a friend of Jack Dalton?

Yeah.

From Hollywood?

Well, I'm not.

Louella: From the Dalton agency?

Well, you find him
for me, you hear?

That man's my ticket
out of this one-horse town.

I'm gonna be a model.

I'm gonna be on TV!

Louella, the man wants
lemonade, not your resumé.

Lyle... you're such a poo.

( Hudson chuckles softly )

You know, if louella
runs off to Hollywood,

This town's gonna lose
its only worthwhile exhibit.

Lyle Hudson, your
friendly banker.

As a matter of fact,
your only banker.

MacGyver.

You know, your friend Dalton,

he had a penchant

for getting in trouble
here in smiley.

Jack? You've seen Jack?

What'd he do?

Well, let's just say he ruffled

Some of the wrong feathers.

If y'all stick around
here long enough,

you may notice that most
of the citizens here in smiley

Have this predominantly
redneck view of things.

Somebody as flamboyant

as your friend Dalton,

he just makes 'em
see a little bit redder,

Know what I mean?

Yeah. What happened to him?

Got on the wrong
side of bull bodine.

That's the local sheriff.

Very unforgiving man.

Ran him through that window,

Then ran him out of town.

He's probably licking
his wounds in little rock.

That's where they all go.

Little rock?

Mm.

Guess that's where I'm headed.

Thank you for the lemonade.

You be good now, you hear?

Yes, ma'am.

Understand you're
looking for Jack Dalton.

Word travels fast.

You come to the wrong place.

Yeah, apparently
he did, too, huh?

You another smart mouth?

Somebody should have taught
your friend some manners,

But I guess we got to beat it
into you city boys, don't we?

Listen, I didn't come
here looking for a hassle.

I came here
looking for a friend.

Are you saying
I'm harassing you?

Just who are you to accuse me?

Look, just forget it, okay?

Don't you walk
away from me, boy!

That's resisting arrest.

What?!

Resisting arrest,

making a public
nuisance of yourself

And carrying a concealed weapon.

"Concealed weapon"?

That's a Swiss army knife.

Look, can't you lighten up...?

( Grunting )

( Groaning )

Welcome to smiley, boy.

I got a real nice place
for you to be staying.

( Dogs barking and growling )

All right, you two,
give me a hand

and get these guys out of here.

Move! Come on, you.

You two unload that stuff.

Man 1: Want to hand it down?

Man 2: Mm-hmm.

( Grunting ): I got it.

Hey, amigos, don't look so sad.

If you like bad
food and hard work,

you're in the right place.

Knock it off, Sanchez.

All right, all of you, come on.

That's it.

Warden!

I'm warden Renfro.

I'm the law around here.

If you wish to remain alive,
you'll abide by that law.

Renfro: If you cause
any dissension,

you will undergo

an attitude adjustment
in the sweat box.

Man: Get these damn
rigs moving, boys.

If you loaf on the job,
you will be whipped

Back into shape.

I wouldn't recommend
any attempt to escape.

You may try, if you wish.

Personally, I would shy away
from tunneling under that fence,

because if you do, my
dogs will hunt you down,

Chew you up and spit you out.

Over there... that's worse.

Got myself a
swamp full of gators.

They're real agitated
'cause we keep 'em hungry.

If you want to go for a
swim, we can't stop you...

But they will.

That's all.

Move out.

Come, pepe will show you
where we eat, where we sleep...

Where we curse the guards.

( Laughing )

Hey, pepe, I'm looking
for a friend of mine.

In this place?

You are a very
good friend, then.

Yeah, his name's
Dalton... Jack Dalton.

This, uh, sheriff bodine
gave him a hard time.

I think he's been
thrown in here.

No, there's no Dalton in here.

I know that.

Wait a minute.

There was a Jack here.

But he was killed
a few days ago.

Aw, Jack.

How'd it happen?

Deputy bodine, El toro loco.

This yankee and him,
they were having a fight.

Then when he tried to run away,

El toro loco shot
him in the back.

Bodine...

Dalton: Time!

Time's up! Hey!

My 12 hours are up!

It's over!

( Banging on crate )

I'm out of the penalty box.

Dalton: Can't any of
you rubes tell time?

Hey!

Get out.

( Groaning )

Whoa.

Jack!

Hey, hey, compadre!

Welcome to club dread.

The chief?

He's your friend Jack Dalton?

Chief? Who is j.D.?

Don't know.

John Doe, John dead?

Let's get back to the living.

Have you met my amigo, pepe?

The kid worships the
ground I hobble on.

Can't say I blame him.

I thought you were dead.

A premature
assumption, old buddy.

( Groans )

Glad you could make it.

Jack...

We gotta get out of here.

Don't sweat it... I
got the lay of the land.

( Clanging )

Let's do lunch.

You're with the chief.

You don't have to eat that slop.

Set another place for dinner.

Keep it, wrigley. We're
dining out this evening.

The vip suite.

We like to think of it
as home sweet home.

You bunk there.

All right, Jack, start talking.

You're way too happy

In this hellhole.

You haven't even
tried to escape. Why?

Come on, MacGyver,
escape is your specialty.

I got us in, you get us out.

What a team. What a plan.

Plan? What plan?

The plan I have to
recover the missing millions

of b.B. Bartel.

B.b...!

B.b. Bartel, the bank robber?

Exactomundo, old buddy.

You remember after that
airport armored car heist?

He took a flight
to the deep south

and bailed out at 15,000
feet with five million.

I don't want to
hear this, I don't.

Pepe: Here we go.

Eat while it's cold...
The story gets better.

See, they never found the money,

but bartel was arrested

a couple of months
later in Nebraska.

He wouldn't talk, so they
threw the book at him.

He died in the
federal penitentiary.

It's good, huh?

Yeah.

Mmm, right from the
warden's private henhouse.

( Chuckles )

Anyway, old b.B. Was
from bayonne county.

Yep... right here,

and he hid the money in
that zinc mine across the river.

How do you know all this?

My uncle Charlie.

Uncle Charlie?

The man used to Rob your
piggy bank. He's an ex-con!

I know, but that's not
to say the man's past

hasn't worked to my advantage.

Au contraire, mon ami.

You see, b.B. Bartel and
uncle Charlie were close.

Very close.

They shared a
cell at leavenworth.

B.b. Told uncle Charlie

where the money was
hidden before he died.

And he told you and
you believed him.

Just out of curiosity,

Where is dear old
uncle Charlie now?

( Sighs )

He was supposed to
meet me down here.

My suspicion is he bailed out
when he saw the competition,

that being warden
Renfro and his boys.

This is supposed to
be a prison work farm?

We're not farming.

We're mining.

Mac, they're using
us as slave labor

to dig in the mine
for that money.

Can you believe it?

No, Jack, I can't.

Don't know how
they found out about it

unless uncle Charlie told them,
but that doesn't make any sense.

Oh, none of it does, Jack!

Ju-just so I got this straight.

You got yourself
arrested on purpose.

You conned me
into coming out here

to help you find
some stolen money

And then help you
break out of here?

Exactly.

We're partners, partner.

You did it to me again.

You actually di... he did it.

He did it to me again.

Come on, MacGyver,
you'll get your cut.

So will pepe.
There's a 15% reward

For the return of the money.

I don't give a rat's
pajamas about the money!

Now, we're going
to get out of here,

And when we do, you
and I are through. That's it!

This is the last
wild-goose chase

you're ever gonna
take me on, pal.

Wild-goose chase?

Pardonnez-moi.

What wild-goose chase?

Uncle Charlie gave me a map.

"X" marks the spot.

♪ ♪

Get your tails on up to the
shaft and grab your gear.

Let's move it, boys.

And you!

Don't try sneaking off
looking for another place

to take a nap or
you're gonna get

something worse
than the hot box.

Is that clear?

Painfully clear, yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Come on, keep moving!

Aw, he's a pussycat, really.

All the guards around here are.

Jack, will you come
back to the real world?

They are not pussycats.

They're dangerous.

No pain, no gain.

There's gold in them thar hills!

Guard: Keep moving.

( With English accent ): Wrigley,
something in a hard hat, please.

Coming through.

Warden Renfro hasn't
got a clue where to look.

The map says b.B.'S
money is hidden in portal six.

That's two shafts over.

All we gotta do is
create a diversion

of some kind, and
hightail it over there.

That's where you come in.

No, that's where I bow out.

I'm not gonna risk your life,

Pepe's, or mine over
some dead man's money.

Come on, MacGyver.

No, you come on!

With me, out of here!

I'm not going. Not
without the money.

Suit yourself.

I'm gone.

Fine.

Why don't you just
kill me right here?

Take my shovel,
bash in my skull,

save them the trouble.

Oh, will you get serious?

Bury me right here.

All I want to do is
follow my dream.

You're the one that
screwed it up the last time.

Please, amigos...

What are you talking about?

Dalton airways, that's
what I'm talking about.

I finally got a plane.

I got it going.

And what happened, you remember?

Huh?

Self-sacrifice. That's
what happened.

I flew it down to
Central America

and parked it in the pacific

to get you out of
a jam, remember?

Well, of course I remember...

That plane was the
beginning of my dream.

Now I have a chance to start
the dream over, don't you see?

The reward money will give
birth to Dalton airways again.

Come on.

Help me.

It's legal.

Nobody gets hurt. Be a pal.

( Sighs )

What do you want me to do?

Oh!

Well, a little diversion

To get us into portal
six would be great.

These lamps work
on a chemical reaction.

I'm gonna need a
whole bunch of 'em.

Get as many as you can.

Done. What'd I tell
you? We're rolling now.

Pepe, get the lamp and the liner

Out of these things
and fill them with water.

Where you going?

Need more helmets.

Darn things keep
running out of fuel.

( Car horn honks,
car approaching )

give 'em a few more
days on tunnel four

before we start on five.

I want it picked clean.

That money is in
one of those shafts.

Mine's been
condemned a long time.

Makes the going dangerous.

It's no problem.

Just gives us a good
excuse for burying the ones

That eventually find
the money for us.

One unfortunate accident.

We got no witnesses.

You know,

I don't understand
what I'm doing,

But as long as you do,
MacGyver, we're fine.

It's just an illusion, pepe.

We're gonna make
our own gas leak

with the same chemical
reaction that lights these lamps.

It's not harmful,
but it is effective.

Man: Load it up.

You see, when
you mix the carbide

with water, it creates

A flammable gas
called acetylene.

Pepe: You mean like
they use in a welding torch?

You got it.

Now, my idea
is to tape this flint

to the head of the hammer,
build a good thick cloud of gas,

make it spark,

and we're on our way.

Great.

Then we'll be free.

And rich.

So I can go home to my Rosa.

Is she your wife?

No.

Not yet.

See, her family... They
don't want her to marry me.

They say I'm a nobody.

They want her to marry
a somebody, like you.

Like the chief.

Yeah, the chief...

He's special all right.

He's gonna need
special intensive care

when we get out of here.

Dalton: Here we are, gentlemen.

Hard hats, anyone?

Great.

Get the lamps off.

Fill those with water.

( Audible exhale )

( Grunts )

We in business?

Yeah, we're doing all right.

There's just one thing.

I don't want pepe going
into portal six with us.

It could be dangerous.

Oh, no, no!

I'm with you all the way, guys.

I can help.

You bet you can.

We need somebody
to spread the word

There's a gas leak down here.

But then when
you'll find the money,

you have to escape, no?

You can't leave me behind.

It won't be for
long, little buddy.

We'll get the national guard

to come back in here, nail them,

and get you out. Trust me.

Pepe...

It's the best way.

We need you.

Okay.

Good man.

All right, here we go.

( Water bubbling )

Brilliant.

I don't know what you're
doing, but it's brilliant.

( Water bubbling )

Pepe, take off.

Am I missing something?

Jack, if this thing
blows like it should,

I won't have time to go
into what you're missing.

Just get ready to run.

I'm ready.

( Shouting ): Gas! Gas!

( Men clamoring )

Go! Go!

Man: Go!

( Explosion )

Run! There! There!

Gas! Gas!

Move! Move! Move! Go!

Man: Get out of there.

Bodine: What the
hell's going on?

Pepe: Gas! There's
a gas leak in the mine!

Man #2: Yeah, he saw
some gas leak up here.

Bodine: You men line up now!

( Men clamoring )

bodine: Get a head
count on those prisoners,

and keep them together!

( Indistinct conversations )

Man: Right here.

Guard: Now you
boys stay right here.

Settle down, settle down.

Bodine...

I got him.

No!

( Coughing )

Guard: Yeah. Stay
calm. Back it up.

Get back! Get
back! Hold it back.

( Whispers ): Chief.

( Grunts )

This is what happens...

When somebody tries to escape.

I hope you all can see

the lesson in this.

Any more of you want to try,
I can always use the practice.

Jack!

( Grunts )

Oh.

( Chamber clicking )

( Choked groan )

I guess you want to
keep pepe company.

Hold it, bodine.

Blowing this malcontent away
would be too quick a lesson.

Oh, man.

What this man needs is
some serious discipline.

( Whip cracking )

( Pained groan )

The man has no forehand.

Concentrate.

Use more wrist.

Step into it.

Oh!

How's that, funny boy?

( Laughs )

Better.

Let's see, where were we?

Oh, right, ten.

Nine.

( Dalton yells )

Bodine: Ten.

With my compliments.

Isn't this a crying shame?

But this is what happens
when a prisoner forms a hostile,

And disrespectful attitude.

I hate to see it.

And I know you'd
hate to feel it.

Just ask Mr. Dalton.

Cut him down.

( Groans )

Take care of your friend.

See he keeps his nose clean.

Help me get him
back to the barracks.

- Come on.
- Man: I got him.

Easy, easy.

( Low growl )

( Prisoner coughing )

Dalton: It's not right.

Pepe was harmless.

He'd be alive if he
hadn't listened to me.

MacGyver: Jack...

You did not shoot pepe.

Bodine did.

I might as well have
pulled the trigger.

I wish to hell I'd never
heard of the map,

the mine or the $5 million.

Why didn't I just listen to you?

Why start now?

( Laughs )

( Sniffles )

you know, the best
thing we can do for pepe

is just get out
of this nightmare,

notify the authorities.

I've been thinking
about a way out.

You got a plan?

MacGyver: It can
wait till morning.

Try to get some sleep.

( Birds singing )

( Snoring )

( Prisoner coughing )

( Whispers ): Jasper.

Yo, Jasper.

I gotta see bodine
and the warden.

What is all this, wrigley?

It'd better be worth my while.

Dalton and his
friend MacGyver...

They're planning to escape.

Huh. Good luck.

I heard 'em talking last night.

This MacGyver says
he's got some kind of plan.

When will this
foolishness transpire?

Uh, soon.

Dalton... he's real
worked up about pepe.

He said something about
forgetting the-the mine

and the money.

I mean, he just
wants to bug out.

Money? What money?

Uh, I don't rightly know.

I mean, he was just
jabbering on about $5 million

And a... and a map.

More of his
foolishness, I expect,

but thank you, wrigley.

I'll see that your diligence
is suitably rewarded.

Now get on back to the barracks
before you arouse suspicion.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Dalton and his buddy
weren't trying to escape.

That map of theirs must
have showed them the way

to b.B. Bartel's money.

Go get 'em.

I got a phone call to make.

( Prisoner clearing throat )

( Rapping on metal )

Prisoner: What's going on?

( Prisoner coughs )

Rise and shine, deadwood.

( Soft groaning )

( Coughing )

Step back, kvosky.

All right, sir.

Move over.

Yes, sir.

Bodine: You all heard me.

The warden wants you
two to stop by for breakfast.

( Chickens clucking )

What the hell...?

How'd you...?

Get the other guards.

We'll hunt 'em down.

I got 'em, sir.

Chain the rest of these
guys to their bunks

and keep watch.

Yes, sir.

( Indistinct shouting,
dog barking )

You all take the swamp road.

See if the gators
have et them boys.

I want every guard in
this place out looking.

Prisoners are shackled.

One man on the gate's plenty.

Move out!

Man: Sir, you got it!

Let's go!

We gotta get to a phone,
notify the authorities,

Get the state troopers in here.

Of course. Why didn't
I think of it before?

Louella! Sweet louella.

Her place is only about
five miles from here.

She'll help us, don't you worry.

- ( Engine starts )
- Why would I worry?

You're her agent.

Guard: Hey, you!

Stop!

( Three gunshots )

Louella?

Sweetheart!

Jack Dalton!

Well, are you a sight.

Likewise, I'm sure.

I've come to take
you to Hollywood,

but first we have
to use your phone.

Well, uh, my phone is
temporarily out of order.

No sweat. MacGyver here's a
crackerjack. He can fix anything.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Louella, I'm crushed.

Oh, no, I just stopped
by this morning

To discuss louella's
line of credit.

Didn't think you were
coming back, Jack.

Hey, wait a minute.

You boys broke out from
that prison camp, didn't you?

Why, sure you did.

Now, that's the
warden's car right there.

We had to.

The warden's using
prisoners for slave labor

up at the old mine.

We want to notify
the authorities.

Oh, I beg to differ on that.

You see, gentlemen,

I own that mine.

( Gun cocking )

You boys must not have
been raised too good.

Didn't your mama ever teach you

it was impolite to leave
without saying good-bye?

We got a lot of
talking to do, son.

You ought to go
inside now, louella.

This is man's business out here.

Anything you say, Lyle.

Renfro: I'd say you boys

Got only one chance
to redeem yourselves.

Where is the map?

Come on, Hollywood. Sing for me.

( Dalton choking )

I... I...

I got the map.

Well, then, let's have it.

I got it right up here.

Do you, now?

Yep.

You boys want to work a deal?

Well, the only place
you're gonna work

Is the spot where
the money is buried.

Bodine?

Get in the back, both of you.

Why'd you tell them?

To keep us alive.

Bodine: Grab the bar.

( Handcuffs clicking )

( Engine starts up )

Your memory better be good, boy.

Your life depends on it.

( Water trickling )

Bodine: How much further in?

MacGyver: Not far.

Dalton: I can't
believe uncle Charlie

fell in with you clowns.

Renfro: Well, we come
into the picture kind of late.

Charlie come to the bank,

wanted to talk to Hudson
about getting at the mine.

Hudson pegged him
right away as an ex-con.

I run a make on him,
we find out he'd done time

With b.B. Bartel.

We had a little chat,

and Charlie spilled his guts.

Well, it's a nice,
neat little plan

you got here: Prison labor

to find the five million,
a banker to launder it.

Well, it's nice to know

you recognize genius
when you see it, boy.

What happened to Charlie?

Well, you might
say he got cold feet.

Huh! You might say
he got cold all over.

( Gun cocking )

Your uncle Charlie
died real fast.

You, I'm gonna have
a lot more fun with.

Bodine, let's get on with it.

( Water sloshing )

Well, this is where
the map indicated.

"X" marks the spot!

Well, this is it.

Must be in the mud pit.

Well, don't just
stand there gawking.

Crank that thing
up and haul it out.

( Engine starts )

( Metallic clank )

( Machinery running )

( Heavy thud )

( Heavy thump )

( Machinery shuts off )

( Clinking sounds )

My, my, ain't
that a pretty sight?

We got it.

Hot damn, we got it.

Well, boys...

Time for a partin' of the ways.

Renfro: No point in
leaving evidence around

For ballistics, I always say.

Bodine: These fellas escaped,

holed up in the mine,

lit a candle, it turned out

To be a stick of dynamite.

Pitiful, ain't it?

Renfro: Bodine!

Ah!

( Yelling )

MacGyver! The dynamite!

Dalton: No! No! No!

Not the money!
Not the money, Mac!

( Grunts )

Get back!

( Explosion )

( Fire crackling )

Five... million bucks.

Forget it, Jack.

It's only money.

Well, that's that.

You bet it is.

As soon as I get home,

I'm changing my phone number.

Come on, MacGyver,
don't be like this.

We're partners, compadres,
a team, like hominy and grits.

Like gasoline and matches.

I'm moving my houseboat
to an unlisted Marina.

How could you do this to me?

Do this to you?!

You use me.

You lie to me.

You suck me in.

You... drive me up the wall.

What are friends for?

( Laughing )