MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 17 - Dalton, Jack of Spies - full transcript

( Theme music playing )

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

( Theme ends )

MacGyver: Death is a
guarantee from the day we're born.

But somehow you forget about it,

figure it'll never happen,

At least not to you or
the people you care about.

But it does.

( Pipe organ playing
solemn music in distance )

( Solemn music continues )



Jack Dalton never believed

That anyone or anything
could put him away.

There wasn't a situation

he couldn't cheat
his way out of.

He always had a plan...

until now.

And it was no different
the last time I saw him.

So what's the deal?

Papa Thornton say you can
come out and play or what?

Yeah.

Good.

Now we go to plane, kimosabe.

You follow.

He was always dragging me



into some half-baked plan

Designed to get
him out of trouble.

I never could
just say no to him.

Midnight border crossing
in a 40-year-old airplane

with a questionable
compass, no charts

And total radio silence
was typical Jack Dalton.

Shouldn't we be using
charts or something?!

( Rock music blaring )

( Music stops )

Charts!

Shouldn't we be using charts!

What's the name
on the plane, Mac?

"Fly by night."

Exactly. Now relax,

I know what I'm doing.

( Tapping )

( Organ music playing )

Ah, Jack,

You could have at
least said good-bye.

I never even got to thank you

For saving my life
in Central America.

( Sighs )

I know you were kind of a...

Pain in the neck sometimes...

Jack, wouldn't you say
we're running out of runway?

Dalton: Ah, you
worry too much, Mac.

( Gunfire )

Sometimes you
don't worry enough.

Dalton: Hang on, Mac.

I'm bringin' her around.

( Tires squealing )

( Gunfire )

MacGyver: What was that?

Tricks o' me trade,
Mac, me boyo.

Tricks o' me trade.

( Grunts )

( MacGyver and Dalton
shouting, cheering )

beautiful! Mac,
I got to tell ya,

it brought tears to my eyes.

Beautiful! Now tell me

You're not havin'
just a little bit of fun!

( Organ music playing )

MacGyver: Yeah,
that was you, Jack,

always having
just a little bit of fun.

Problem was, you could
never leave well enough alone.

You always had to
take it one step too far.

Jack!

MacGyver!

I'm flattered. You came.

I had a choice?

Dalton: Yo, mack,

where you goin'?

Oh, you're not steamed, are you?

Come on, it was a joke!

First, you're gonna
come down here,

so I can punch you in the nose.

Then you're gonna
load up all my stuff

and take it back to my place.

You got that?

All-all right, I'm sorry.

If that's what you
want, I'll put it all back.

- Good.
- Hey, Mac, please,

Please don't go.
Where you goin'?

Mac, I'm beggin' you.

Mac! Whoa!

Jack!

Ooh-ee!

( Grunts )

( Laughing )

You should see your face.

( Dalton laughs )

Priceless!

Oh, Mac, you haven't changed.

Not a bit!

Neither have you, Jack.

Yeah, thanks.

It wasn't a compliment.

Hey, Mac, you got
to cut me down. Mac!

Mac, cut me down!

Come on, MacGyver!

My head's about to explode here!

Ah! Oh, I knew you
wouldn't leave me hangin'.

You could call me amigo anytime.

If there's ever anything
I can do for you,

Just let me know... Amigo.

( Laughs )

Now easy, easy.

Hey, wa-watch my head!

( Thudding )

( Grunting )

( Organ music plays )

You know, I never
got to tell you that...

( Casket lid slams,
organ music stops )

I hate seeing him
when he looks like this.

And, uh,

and I wonder if you
could all excuse me

for just a few minutes.

I'd like to spend a
couple of minutes

Alone with him to say good-bye.

Hope you understand.

Thank you.

We were very close.

I suppose I could have
been wrong about what I saw.

Sure, Jack's left eye
used to always twitch

When he was lying, but
that was when he was alive.

Now...

Nah, not even Jack
could be low enough

to lie about
something like this.

Jack?

Jack!

You're alive!

Jack, what are you up to now?!

( Quietly ): Easy, easy.

You're making enough
noise to wake the dead.

If you don't get out
of this coffin right now,

you're gonna wish you were dead!

If I get out of this coffin,
I probably will be dead.

How can you do this to me?

Let me stand here watching
you laying there like that?

Come on, MacGyver,
watch the duds.

I got to get 'em back by 3:00.

- ( Sighs )
- ! It's big prom night.

I got a rate.

Jack, how could you do this?

No biggie.

Hire some bums to mourn me.

Pick some nice organ music.

Find a coffin that...

I don't want you to get
mixed up in this, Mac.

But it's great to see you.

Now, would you mind leaving?

( Coughing )

All right, Jack, I want
to know what's goin' on.

What are you up to?

I'm undercover.

Special assignment with the CIA.

As a corpse?

Enough, Jack.

No.

The other side broke my cover.

I figured I had to
lay low for awhile.

This was the only plan I had.

Don't you think six feet under

is taking laying
low a little far?

( Door rattling )

Dalton: When guys
like that want you dead,

you can't get low enough.

Mourners?

They'd like to be!

Let's go!

Next time, I'm just
sending flowers.

Come on! ( Whistles ) Come on!

What?!

Jack!

Al!

Come on, this way.

( Motorcycle engine starting )

Dalton: Hi-yo silver, away!

( Tires squealing )

All right, Jack, let's have it!

Who have you cheated,
swindled or robbed this time?

Why do you always
have to think the worst?

I'm an honest businessman now.

I run an honest business.

Jack-be-quick messenger service.

So what's that got to
do with this little game

of spy versus spy you
think you're playing?

It's the truth!

I was doing an
honest day's work.

Pick up and deliver.

Is it my fault nobody told me

I was delivering top secret
government documents?

Who to?

The other side.

Them!

The other side?!

Them?!

( Tires squealing )

These guys know
what they're doing!

Now you know why I wanted
to play dead for a while.

They think I know too much.

They think I finked to the CIA.

Did you?

Of course.

There were these two agents

Who already knew
what I was doing.

They asked me to keep
on making deliveries

Until they could track down
their leak inside the CIA.

We got 'em!

Now they'll have to
slow down for the traffic.

They're catching up!

Go straight

across the street!

Jack: But the alley's
blocked down there!

I know it's blocked!

Just hit the brake

and follow me when I say stop!

Jack: Whoa... whoa...!

( Horn honking )

Jack: We can't get through!

There's no room!

Now!

( Tires squealing )

Jack: Yahoo!

Al: Look out!

( Frustrated groan )

Hold on, son!

I got your training
wheels right here!

- You miss me?
- I can't seem

To get along without you.

( Jack laughing )

More fun than a circus, huh?

Jack: There it is:
Home, sweet home!

MacGyver: You're still
chiseling space in that building?

Where else?

It's now corporate headquarters,

And my luxury suite.

I even have my own private

executive elevator.

Yeah, some executive elevator.

This is your home
and your office?

Yeah, it's two.

Two? Two what?

Two tax breaks in one.

Looks great on the 1040.

To the bat cave, Robin!

Get a grip on that
claustrophobia, son.

We have privacy, security,
all the comforts of home.

It's not much of a view,

But still, a bargain
for the money.

Lower level: Men's furnishings,

ladies' lingerie, Jack-be-quick
messenger service.

Please watch your step.

( Clearing throat )

Nice.

I never got around
to getting that maid.

Now, what happened?

I was sure you had
crashed in Central America

after you flew off
with that crooked cop.

Well, I came this close.

I tricked the cop into
bailing out with the drugs.

Then I made a few
last-minute arrangements

with the guy at the
big control tower.

Waited for the fuel to run out.

- Did it?
- Yup.

But just as I was going down,

this warm updraft,
like god's own hand,

Picked me up and carried
me right down the coast.

I went down there.

- Where?
- Right in the middle of this native village.

Mac, you wouldn't believe it.

They were all women.

They were all beautiful.

Jack? I know

You're lying when
your left eye blinks.

Now, come on.

Okay. Before I took
you to Central America,

My doctor said I'd be
lucky to last a month.

So, after I
crashed, I figured...

Jungle's as good a
place as any to die.

But you know something?

I didn't die.

I never felt better in my life.

So, I figured it was time to
pay my old doc another visit.

And what'd your doctor say?

You won't believe this.

That dark spot on my x ray...
The one that was killing me?

Yeah?

Gone.

I've been given a
new lease on life.

Man, I'm doing
it right this time.

Straight.

No more lies.

Not even about
that CIA business?

So, you'll go to them
and straighten it out?

Not exactly.

See, not everybody at the
CIA knows I'm working for 'em.

Well, you told me they asked you

To keep on making
those deliveries.

I was asked.

But only by these two agents.

My contact and his partner.

See, somebody
went bad in the CIA,

and until they
found out who it is,

they couldn't trust anybody.

Who's your contact?

"Light." that's his code name.

Then we'll go to light.

How do we find him?

Only one place I ever met him.

( Indistinct radio
communication )

This was the only
place we ever met.

He didn't like crowds.

Looks like he got one now.

Man: We couldn't find a weapon

But we found some
tracks down the hill.

Man 2: All right, you boys
can take him away now.

Man 3: Thanks.

Man: You need some
paperwork you need to file on this?

Man 3: Yeah, fill
out this and, uh,

And give it back to me, okay?

When you're done?

Man: Good deal.

Uh-oh. Light's out.

What?

That's light...

My contact.

Who'd want him dead?

Those are the guys!

They killed him!

Run away.

Let's go!

( Grunting )

( Engine starting )

Halt or I'll shoot!

Get in the car!

All right, come on, here we go!

( Engine starting )

( Siren blaring )

Their names are
Dalton and MacGyver.

I want an apb now!

( Siren blaring )

( Engine starting )

( Tires squealing )

( Siren blaring )

Tell Mr. Berrenger

That everything
is well in hand now.

( Sirens blaring
and tires squealing )

All right, that's two of them.

Let's go; Maybe
Pete can help us.

Not so fast.

The guys we're
dealing with are good.

They got the license
number from your Jeep

At the funeral home.

They know where you live.

They know where you work.

They'll be keeping
an eye on both.

They can't keep an eye
on a phone call, can they?

Let's go.

( Engine starting )

That's crazy!

We're both wanted for murder.

The CIA think we killed light,

the police think
we killed light.

Police? CIA?

How about the FBI?

Let's go for the hat trick.

Witnesses?! Who?!

Getting so you can buy
anything for the right price.

Thank you very much.

We certainly will.

Right.

Papa Thornton come through?

Can he bring us in?

No, Pete's out of the country.

Brockman's covering for him.

He set up a meet
for tonight at 10:00.

Friend of his at the CIA

Says it's the best
way to handle things.

- What do we do?
- Meet.

( Motorcycle approaching )

It's good to see you boys.

I thought we'd have
a little more trouble

bringing you in.

That's the guy
from this afternoon.

You said we killed light.

You work for the CIA.

Why don't you just
climb down off that thing?

Move around there, both of you.

Nice and easy.

Get 'em up.

Keep your hands in front there

where I can see 'em.

You, get 'em up.

Am I dreaming,
or is this a movie?

You like movies?

How about the man
who knew too much?

I was thinking more of
three days of the condor.

What? Remind me.

That's the one where
there's a bad apple in the CIA.

Jack: He tries to
kill Robert redford

'cause he knows too much.

MacGyver: Oh, that's right.

Yeah, uh, with,
uh, Faye dunaway?

Yeah, and Max Von... you know.

Right, right, right, right.

All right, let me get
this straight, guys.

I want to understand this.

You're the bad
apples, obviously,

and you're covering up the
fact that you're double agents,

double-crossing the CIA.

Jack: I don't think

Faye dunaway could follow this.

MacGyver: Sure she could.

Now, we're Robert redford,
and you're about to kill us?

That is a good review.

And the show's over.

Jack: Oh-ho-ho!

MacGyver: Look out!

Mount up, Jack!

Come on, MacGyver, push!

I am pushing! Go!

So, what am I supposed
to tell berrenger?

You tell him there's
been a change in plans.

I'll make the final delivery
tomorrow... personally.

What about them?

The way I see it,

there's only one
place they can go...

The drop spot that was
scheduled for tonight.

Let's go.

What do we do now?

The police want us for murder

And the CIA wants us dead.

Does anybody else know
about this arrangement with light?

"The shadow knows!"

Enough jokes, Jack!

No joke.

Shadow was light's partner.

Shadow and light?!

Makes sense, don't it?

- Can we trust him?
- Her.

I don't know.

Light said she was on our
side, whichever side that is.

So, where do we
find this shadow?

I thought you'd never ask.

On wednesdays, I pick up the
goods and take them to light,

and he'd switch 'em for
worthless information.

That's what I'd bring
back here to drop off.

So, no real secrets ever
fell into the wrong hands?

Guaranteed. But
they don't know that.

So, who met you
here for the drop?

Remember those nice
gentlemen you met at my funeral?

Ah.

Jack, what makes you so sure

they're gonna go through
with tonight's drop?

They gotta.

Light told me it
was the last one,

the end of the line,
the piece De resistance.

They'll just use a
different messenger.

So, this could be the last
chance to see who's involved.

That's why I figure
shadow'll be here.

With light dead,
she's gonna want

To keep an eye on the drop.

You gonna recognize her?

I hope so.

I only met her
once... In a library.

What'd she look like?

A librarian.

( Chuckling )

There's a table.

So?

So she's not here.

I gathered that.

This is no place
for a librarian.

( Men shouting )

Well, looky there!

Messenger.

Hey, listen...

Since shadow didn't show,

Maybe there's
something we can do.

Like?

Like intercept the package.

You said tonight's
the biggie, right?

They might think twice
about killing us if we had it.

Ooh, leverage. I love it.

Let me do the talking.

I've got this spy talk
down to a science.

Do you have my package here?

Yes, I have your package here.

That's it?

That's spy tal?

Some science.

( Men whooping, shouting )

Whoa, please!

Not in front of the children.

You don't look
anything like a librarian.

Shadow?

Shh. What do you
amateurs think you're doing?

We got the package!

Now we need your help.

You're our last hope.

What do you want
me to do, call the CIA?

They already killed my partner.

Man: That's right.

And now it's your turn.

All right, come
on, get up. Let's go!

You set us up.

Tonight's delivery was
the bait to bring us out.

That's right. Now, let's go.

No, I think we're a lot safer

sitting right where we are.

Makes no difference to us.

We can kill you here

or someplace a
little more quiet.

What'll it be?

Don't suppose you got a plan?

No, I figured it was your turn.

Honey, cut it out. Take a walk!

Hey, that's no way

To treat the lady.

Man: Get lost!

I think you ought to
tell her you're sorry.

Get out of here!

Let's go.

Come on.

( Glass breaking ) !

In here.

There's a door
to the alley there.

Lock that door.

You think you've got
enough locks on here?

We'll never get
out of this place!

Shadow: It's a bad neighborhood.

Jack: This one needs a key.

Shadow: I've got
one on the desk.

Here. Here's a key.

( Keys jingling )

- The wrong key?!
- ( Shadow groans )

Whose dressing
room is this wrong key?

Just try another lock
and I'll get another key.

( Clamoring )

Jack: That's it. That's the key.

- Shadow: Great.
- Now you're cooking.

Okay, Mac, come on. We got it.

MacGyver: Hang on a second.

- ( Coughing )
- Go!

Give me those!

We got to beat it
before the cops get here.

Man 2: What about them?

Man 1: They're the
ones that are wanted.

Jack!

They can prove we're innocent!

( Grunts )

Hey, hey!

( Siren wailing in distance )

( Coughs ) Terrific.

The cops are coming,

and the real package
is out there somewhere,

And I haven't got a clue.

I got a shoe. ( Chuckles )

What's that?

I don't think it's your size,

cinderella.

What is it?

Berrenger import/export.

Exposition boulevard.

Los Angeles, California.

They still have to
make the real delivery.

Maybe that's home base.

If his shoe spends time there,

Maybe he does, too.

Maybe you guys are
worth having around.

Let's go.

Yeah, before the
cops start asking

Too many questions.

Jack: Well...

I guess it's up and over.

Jack...

How about down and under?

Better.

You're a pretty smart guy.

After you, my good man.

Here comes another one.

Well, it looks like berrenger's
heavy into the import/export business.

What better cover than that?

Everything moves in
and out of the country,

all on the up and up.

That's Michaels.

Who's Michaels?

Jay Michaels, the company leak.

That's the guy
that tried to kill us.

Jack, everybody's
tried to kill us.

You mean you knew who
the bad guy inside the CIA was,

And you didn't do anything?

Treason is a pretty big
accusation to throw around.

I need proof.

And that might be
the proof I need.

Final delivery.

I.d., sir.

Okay.

Oh, I would give anything

To get inside that warehouse.

A cipher machine.

Someone who's capable

of intercepting encrypted
messages from the U.S.

Will now be able to
decrypt them as well.

And they wouldn't have to wait

To be handed
secrets from you or me.

Precisely.

Which is why we have
to get all our money

out of this thing up front.

How does it work?

Secret message...

Provide the
predetermined entry code...

( Beeping )

and it's computed.

And you've got your message.

Fantastic.

So much for the
loading dock door.

You can only get through there

if you're wearing
an invoice number.

Well, I guess that's what
I'm gonna have to do then.

I'm impressed.

It's everything you
promised and then some.

And you say there'll
be no problem

getting it out of the country?

I've prepared something
very special for its transport.

Let me show you.

Lacks the pizzazz
of the trojan horse,

but what the hey, it
seems to be working.

So far.

Just put it right here.

Uh, lock up, will you please?

And both of you go to
warehouse number seven

And start unloading
the new shipment.

I have some business
to attend to here

And I don't want to be disturbed
for the rest of the afternoon.

Yes, sir.

Now then...

Would you help me
with this bronze, please?

Very heavy...

Thank you.

And now...

This is where we'll
conceal the cipher machine.

Oh-ho... that's very clever.

So the buyer not only
gets a cipher machine,

but a Remington
bronze in the bargain.

Berrenger: At no extra charge.

( Michaels laughs )

berrenger: And with a
certificate of ownership

they'll have no trouble

getting this Remington
through customs.

Michaels: Or the cipher.

Well, now all that's
left is for some buyer

To make me a very wealthy man.

( Laughter )

The plot thickens.

Uh-huh.

Don't suppose it's some
nickel-and-dime poker game

in the back room, do you?

No.

Whatever stakes
they're playing for,

you can bet they're
a lot higher than that.

Right on time.

Before we show you
what you came to buy,

will you please
step into my office,

so we can discuss
a reasonable price.

Please be seated.

Ow!

Psst!

This way.

Come on.

Hey, I'll stay here

and make sure no more
party crashers show up.

MacGyver: Okay.

Where are they?

They're in berrenger's office

Talking to some buyer
about a cipher machine.

A cipher machine?!

Are you sure?

Yeah...

Take a look.

( Grunts )

( Whispers ): Wow.

( Beeping, whirring )

We have to get this out of here.

Its loss could
seriously compromise

Most of this country's
crypto-systems.

It could destroy our
communications security.

That big, huh?

It could be a disaster if it
fell into the wrong hands.

Then prepare
yourselves for a disaster.

I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

Look behind you.

That's the oldest
trick in the book.

( Gun cocking )

Good trick.

Jack: Hold it right there!

I've got a gun!

So do I.

Drop it, Dalton.

( Chuckling ): Fingers...

If you please...

well, now that this
excitement is over,

will you take care of
our uninvited guests.

MacGyver: Don't you guys get it?

"Dispose of them."

It's a figure of speech.

Inside.

You've got to be kidding.

Care to hear the punch line?

( Shadow screams )

Watch your legs!

( Screaming continues )

Jack: Get away from the scoop!

MacGyver: Climb
over the lip! Quick!

Watch yourself.

Jack, get out of the way!

Oh, you're crazy out there!

( Sighs )

Maybe we don't have to
wait until we get to the dump

to dump this
garbage we're hauling.

How do you figure?

Roger: The convenience
of push-button killing.

Is it my imagination or is
this room gettin' smaller?

Oh...

Oh!

What is that?

Why is it moving?

MacGyver: It's the sled.

Pushes all the trash out of the
back of the truck at the dump.

But isn't the back gate
usually open at the time?

MacGyver: Yeah.

Jack: Well, what do we do now?

We need braces.

Find some more
boards, sturdy ones.

That's perfect, perfect.

Here.

I think it's working.

Shadow: What if it doesn't hold?

Then we go to plan b.

What's plan b?

MacGyver: Let's see
how plan a goes first.

( Wood cracking )

Oh!

Jack: I think it's
time for plan b.

Shadow: It's getting closer.

Shadow: What're you doing now?

Plan b.

Find a piece of metal.

What is plan b?

We're going fishing.

I hope they're biting.

Jack: MacGyver, exactly
what are we fishing for?

MacGyver: A way to
turn off the sled control.

MacGyver, hurry!

Got it!

Jack: Attaboy! Wonderful!

Shadow: Great!

Jack: Wait a minute! You
hooked the wrong thing.

The sled's still coming
and the back end is opening.

Ohhh...

Shadow: What now?

Jack: I guess we jump.

MacGyver: At 50 miles an hour?!

Is this part of the plan?

Not exactly.

What's plan c?

( Screams )

Jump!

Roger: Wait a minute!

Pull over! I think
we got some trouble.

They must still be in here.

Yeah, let's go close
the scoop, huh?

Well, looks like we
made a little mess here.

I know just the
place for this mess.

In the truck with the
rest of the garbage.

Good idea.

Let's get my mess first.

You always go first.

Congratulations.

I'm sure your country will be
very pleased with your purchase.

Not until it arrives safely.

You do have the
appropriate customs papers?

Oh, yes.

Everything is in perfect order.

It just needs your signature.

Would you be kind enough
to come to my office?

Move it, Jack!

We gotta get that
cipher machine back.

Okay, but what're
you doing up there?

Looking for a cop.

Are you kidding?

You can never find
one when you need one.

We'll just attract a little
attention on the way.

Jack: All right!

( Horn honking )

MacGyver: That's a red light!

Exactly!

Yo!

( Siren blaring )

( Horn honking )

My men should be back
here any minute now...

And they'll take you
wherever you wish to go.

( Sirens blaring )

CIA!

Gotcha!

Cuff him!

Come on!

Book him, Dan-o.

Spy one.

This is it.

We did it.

Yeah, I'd say we
cleaned up pretty good.

Yep.

Kind of makes you
glad to be alive again,

Doesn't it?

Jack: Well, MacGyver,
you saved my hide again.

Guess that makes us even.

MacGyver: Even?

Okay, so you owe me one yet.

But hey, who's counting?

You know, being dead
made me realize something.

Jack, you were only in
the coffin for half an hour.

Ah, it's not the quantity of
time so much as the quality.

Anyway, like I was saying,

It made me realize something.

Life's a terrible
thing to waste.

Especially when it's yours.

So, from now on, I
put myself to good use.

An honest day's pay
for an honest day's work.

Glad to hear it.

Where are you going?

This isn't the way to my Jeep.

I could've sworn I told you.

I just got one quick job to do.

An honest day's work
for an honest day's pay?

You got it.

Quick stop by the pier.

Look for a man with a peg
leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

He's supposed to
have something for me.

Jack!

It's a joke, MacGyver!

It's a joke!