MacGyver (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 10 - Three for the Road - full transcript

♪ ♪

All right, miss smarty-pants.

Now, let's see if
you've heard this one.

I'm ready. Hit
me with your best.

In the 1945 film to
have and have not,

Lauren bacall sang the
song, "how little we know."

Now, her voice was
dubbed by what 14-year-old?

Andy Williams.

Oh, how did you know that?

Do you remember the dinner party

The cornfields gave
for you back in 1952?



You'd just completed filming
the dueling swashbuckler.

It was December the 12th, 1952.

You're right, darling.
You're absolutely right.

Still sharp as a tack, huh?

I met a young singer at
the cornfields' that night,

and he told me all
about Andy Williams

dubbing Lauren bacall's voice.

Amazing. You never
forget anything, do you?

By the way, whatever
became of the cornfields?

They died, dear.

Oh.

Well, "the long habit of
living indisposeth us for dying."

Sir Thomas browne.

Smarty-pants.



Look, guy, there's
a town up ahead.

Mesa? I don't remember
seeing a "mesa" on the map.

Sometimes, it's
good to get out of the big city,

Go somewhere where time
seems to move just a little slower.

Take this vintage '59 cadilla.

It was built for
cruising the road

And taking in the scenery.

It's nice to know
chivalry's not dead.

Now, most people
come to small towns

and leave their troubles behind,

but when you're a
member of the syndicate,

that isn't always easy.

I guess that's why
Tony Sullivan asked me

to meet him here.

Something big had
to be going down.

Hey, Tony.

Hey, MacGyver. I owe you one.

When you say in the
middle of nowhere,

you mean nowhere, don't you?

A guy's got to be
careful these days.

Good motto. I'll be right down.

Hey, Tony, come here.

I want to have a
little talk with you.

Let's get out of here.

Tony and I met years
ago, when he was running guns

into Afghanistan and I
was running for my life.

In a one-week period,
he saved my neck twice.

I'd kind of hoped
to return the favor.

MacGyver, if you never had a
chance to talk to him,

I don't know what
more you can do there.

Wrap it up. Come on home.

Listen, Pete, Tony asked me

for protection for a reason,
and it had to be pretty good,

'cause it got him killed.

Yeah, I agree, but you
were involved in this

because you were the
only guy Tony would talk to,

and he's dead now,

So it's the feds' ball game.

Listen, are the local
police into it at all?

Yeah. I just spent the whole
afternoon explaining things.

It's handled.

I just wish there
was more I could do.

Well, there isn't.
You're out of it.

The Phoenix
foundation is out of it, too.

Listen, I feel badly about Tony,

but he knew the
risks he was taking

When he was
dealing with the mob.

Sort of made his own bed.

Yeah. Now he gets
to sleep in it... forever.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Have a good trip.

My good sir, have
you no respect?

Kindly remove that
bottle from my car.

Keep your pants on.

What's your problem, pal?

Do you know who I am?

Guy Roberts, star
of stage and screen,

swashbuckler extraordinaire!

Now, I have battled
with the best of them...

Flynn, Fairbanks, pickford!

Touch me,

and I'll make mashed
potatoes out of your face.

Folks got a problem?

This nasty lummox refused to
remove his beer from my car.

I tried to ask nicely,
but see what I got for it?

You, sir, are a
disgusting behemoth

With foul-smelling breath!

Boys, boys!

There's got to be a
better way to handle this.

Do you want in
on this, too, pal?

- If I had my druthers...
- You don't!

Most of us are adults here!
Can't we talk about... no!

Don't hit.

Just calm down. Take it easy.

All right, all right, look.

If this is the
way it's got to be,

At least let me get
rid of my jacket, huh?

It's my favorite.

I don't want to see it ruined.

It's your favorite jacket, huh?

Ooh! Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

That darn jacket's always
tripping people up like that.

I've been meaning
to have a talk with it.

Here you go.

What do you say we
get you checked in

and cleaned up, all right?

Yeah, there you go.

I'll talk to you later.
What do you say?

Shoo.

Thank you, young man.

I couldn't have
done it without you.

Yes, thank you.

No problem.

Do you have a name?

MacGyver.

You know, of course, that i'm...

guy Roberts, star
of stage and screen,

swashbuckler extraordinaire.

He knows who I am.

You've perhaps seen
some of my pictures?

Well, not exactly...

You'll be happy to hear

That we're about to
make another one.

We're just on our
way to Hollywood.

Darling, don't you think
we'd better be heading in?

It's been a long day.

Oh, yes, darling, of course.

Uh, I am rather tired.

Dueling does take it
out of you, you know.

Well, "parting is
such sweet sorrow."

Guy...

Yes, dear. Good-bye,
Mr. MacGyver.

We'll see you, folks.

We didn't want to shoot him.
We had to.

Shut up.
Just let me think.

I knew the two of you
weren't particularly bright,

but I didn't know just
how stupid you were.

We did the best we could.

It wasn't good enough.

The guy pulled a gun on us.

- He never should've gotten away in the first place.
- Come on.

Who was to know Tony
was going to turn informant?

Phil, you were the one
who brought him to me.

You were the one
who vouched for him.

I made a mistake. It happens.

Not with me, it doesn't.

Did you at least have the
intelligence to stash the car?

Yeah. We found a
garage just outside of town.

Hooray. Hooray. You
did something right.

Now do something else right...

Find the satchel.

It could be anywhere.

Let me explain something.

I'm kind of like a
traveling salesman,

but now, because
of you two slime balls,

I have no merchandise to sell.

This isn't going to make my
supplier a very happy man,

And I promise you he won't
be satisfied with just my head.

He's also going to want yours.

Find my money.

I'll just put the top up.

Oh, will you bring
in my makeup case?

Certainly, dear.

She is a beauty, isn't she?

Yes, she is.

Well, you come in
when you're ready.

I'll leave the door unlocked.

darling,

my makeup case.

Just a minute, dear.

Sorry, Mr. Roberts.

You're over your
limit on this card, too.

Very well.

Uh, afraid not.

My good man, I am guy Roberts.

Time was when that
name alone was sufficient

to guarantee a night's
lodging and a hot meal.

Sorry, friend.

I've got other people waiting.

Look, uh, there-there
must be some mistake.

Our credit's always been good.

I'm sure
you're right, ma'am,

but it's company policy.

You do accept cash,

do you not?

Of course.

I think you'll find that
this is more than sufficient,

And here's a little
extra for your hospitality.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you very much.

"if there is any kindness I
can show to any creature,

Let me do it now, for I shall
not pass this way again."

Rental cars...

A lot like playin' hot potato.

And I got burned by an
overheated air conditioner.

Fortunately, even if you
are in the middle of nowhere

A fuse is an easy
thing to duplicate.

All you need is something
that'll carry a current...

Like a paper clip.

Here's your change, sir.

Where'd you get
these new twenties?

Hey, I can't remember everybody

who pays with $20...

Now can you remember?

The old man, the actor.

Actor got a name?

Guy, guy Roberts.

What kind of car is he driving?

I, I... oh, an old
caddy convertible.

He's headed for Hollywood.

If you mention this
discussion to anyone,

I'll be back for my change.

Oh!

♪ California, here I come ♪

♪ right back where
I started from ♪

♪ The bowers, the flowers... ♪

A paper clip can
be a wondrous thing.

More times than I can
remember one of these

has gotten me
out of a tight spot.

I was sure this would be
another one of those times.

So much for the
wondrous paper clip.

Why didn't you tell
me about the money?

I was saving it as a surprise.

Actually, it's supposed
to be our nest egg.

And look how I've
broken it wide open.

But I didn't know we
had that kind of money.

We don't.

Uh, we didn't until my
agent came through.

The studio is so
excited about this project

that they've paid
me a bonus up front.

It's just advance money.

Oh, guy, I have to tell you,

when you first told me
about this job in Hollywood,

I was sure it was just
another one of your stories.

Just an excuse to
take me on this trip.

Would that have been so wrong?

Oh, how could I ever
have doubted you?

Will you forgive me?

What's to forgive?

Isn't that that nice young man

We met at the motel, dear?

Yes. It looks as if he's
in need of assistance.

Howdy, folks.

Having a spot of trouble?

Yeah, the electrical
system seems to be shot.

Hop in. We've
got plenty of room.

I'd sure appreciate that.

Not at all.

Think nothing of it.

One good turn deserves another.

I owe you one

from yesterday.

Oh, uh, uh...

try, try not to bring

any of the sand
into the car, please.

If you don't mind.

Thank you.

Your name is, uh...

What was your name
again, young man?

MacGyver.

Where are you headed?

Albuquerque airport.

Oh, we're passing right through

on our way to Hollywood.

Guy's going to be
in a new picture.

Oh, that's terrific.
What's it called?

Space pirates.

It's supposed to be
really, uh... groovy.

Space pirates?

Well, that's just a
working title, dear.

They'll probably change it.

Hollywood producers
are always changing things

right up to the last minute.

How do you know
they took this road?

Because this is the
road to Hollywood.

And that's where the clerk
said they were headed.

Yeah, but they got a
head start on us.

Old man, old car.

I bet he's takin'
it nice and easy.

Beautiful country, isn't it?

God's country.

I made a picture,
Geronimo's last ride.

Oh, yeah, I think
I saw you in that.

Didn't you play Geronimo?

No, that was thurston Powell.

I was with the cavalry.

But it must have been filmed
somewhere around here.

It was Arizona, dear.

"All the world's a stage.

And all its men and
women merely players."

Yes, Arizona.

What about you?

What brings you out to
the middle of nowhere?

Sightseeing.

Hey, looks like we

Found our '59 caddy.

I wish we could
go sightseeing...

but shooting schedules
being what they are...

Do you believe that?

Open road.

No other cars in sight.

And this ruddy idiot
would rather sound off

than go around me.

Pull over!

Someone you know?

Not really.

Force 'em over.

Nobody, but nobody, touches
my car and gets away with it.

And I know this
baby can outrun them.

- Must be nuts!
- Stay with 'em.

Pull up alongside.

Hit 'em again.

Maybe this'll
scare him a little.

Pull over!

He's got a gun!

Try to pull out in front.

Floor it!

I'm going as fast as I can.

Guy, pull over.

He's crazy as a loon.

No! Whatever you do, don't stop!

They're getting so much closer.

Mr. MacGyver, your luggage.

We've got to put a little
distance between us.

May I?

Well, yes, of course. Anything.

Thank you.

Good shot!

He's gettin' away!

Get back on the road!

Come on! Come on!
Come on! Move it! Move it!

Here they come again.

That's, that's it.
Keep it comin'!

What could those
men possibly want?

I don't think I wanna know.

Do something!

I'm running out of ammo.

This satchel's
all we've got left.

No! No! Not that.
I need that one.

This reminds me
of the great pursuit.

But your stuntman did
all the driving in that.

This isn't a movie.

They're using real bullets.

Faster, guy!

Watch where you're goin'!

Well, why are we slowin' down?

Something's stuck on the wheel.

- What is it?
- I don't know!

Stop the car and have a look!

It's that canvas
thing he threw at us.

Get it off!

I'm trying.

No, no! Just back
up! Back up the car!

Hit the brake! Now go forward!

It did it!

That's right. Let's go!

What now?

Just keep moving.

What're you doing?

Gonna put the top up.

If you put the top up while
i'm driving, it'll rip right off.

I sure hope so.

But I got a few
things to do first.

Would you please tell
me what you're doing.

I'll explain later.

Just bear with me.

Not the top!

Sorry, I'll fix it later.

Slow it down.

Let 'em get right behind us.

Have you lost
your head, old boy?

I'm hopin' this top will
keep that from happening.

All right, slow down, guy.

Slow it down!

Let 'em catch up.

Get ready to flip the switch.

Put the top up

when I give you the word.

Now!

Look out!

I can't see anything!

It worked!

They're stopping!

Okay, floor it, guy.

We need the distance.

Get it off! Get it off!

Unbelievable.

What're you waitin' for?

Get that Jack and fix the tire.

Good show!

Bravo, MacGyver!

This reminds me of
one of my favorite roles.

I played the swashbuckler
on holiday in ruritania.

It wasn't ruritania, dear.

It was Colorado.

I remember.

It was you and Stewart
Granger in the prisoner of zenda.

No, that was James Mason.

I starred in mulligan's revenge.

Oh, yeah... mulligan's revenge.

Would you get off my back?

I'm workin' as fast as I can.

My mother could change
a tire faster than this.

Uh-oh, looks like trouble.

What is it, guy?

I'm not sure.

Sounds like we're out of gas.

Impossible.

I just filled her
up this morning.

Well, I hope it's
nothin' serious.

There's no tellin' how long

Before those goons
get back on the road.

Keep an eye on 'em.

Let me know if they make a move.

I'll see what the problem is.

Well, isn't that nice?

They stopped to wait for us.

I'll get 'em.

Hey, good idea, Phil.

By the time you're
halfway there,

we'll have this tire fixed.

Get your butt back
here and help Tom.

I found it.

Fuel line's cracked.

What next?

She just wasn't meant
to take this sort of abuse.

Well, look at her.

Her body's battered,
her spirit's broken.

Yes, but, guy, she's
held up like a champion.

I just don't know how
much more she can take.

I feel the same way about
my Jeep, Mr. Roberts.

It's a good thing
metal can be fixed

a lot easier than flesh, huh?

Yes.

Listen, would you have a
ball point pen I could borrow?

Sure. Who would you
like me to make it out to?

Well, actually...

Uh, MacGyver. Just MacGyver.

Well, don't be embarrassed.

I get this all the
time, you know.

There you are.

Thank you, sir.

Thanks, MacGyver.

Guy?

Could I borrow that pen again?

I might be able to
fix the fuel line with it.

Sure.

Thank you.

And thank you.

If you don't
mind my asking, how is

that pen going to solve
our gasoline problem?

I'm gonna use it to bridge
the fuel line and seal the leak.

What's happenin' with
our friends down below?

Well, it's very hard to tell.

They don't appear
to be moving yet.

MacGyver, about those fellows

who were shooting
at us just now.

Uh, yeah.

I guess I owe you
both an explanation.

You do?

Yeah. See, I work for a company

called the Phoenix foundation.

And I was sent here
to pick something up.

I don't think those fellows
down there want me to have it.

What were you
supposed to pick up?

I'm not sure.

I never had a
chance to find out.

I sure am sorry to get
you folks involved like this.

Oh, that's all right, boy.

We're all in this together.

I said that in
dance of the sword.

Or was it duel to the death?

You said that in both
those movies, dear.

That's right.

What on earth
is he doing now?

No idea.

What are you doing?

I gotta borrow this.

My muffler?

I'll replace it.

Now all we gotta do
is cool this baby off.

You wouldn't have any water
left in that cooler, would you?

I'll look.

Lord, man, what
are you up to now?

Just a little protection, sir.

Do you suppose
there'll be anything left

Of the car when he's done?

I'm sure Mr. MacGyver
knows what he's doing, dear.

Water, please.

- My.

I'll buy you another one.

Come on, hurry up.

They're going to
get the caddy fixed

before we get outta here.

Hold that, would you please?

Gasoline?

All right, let's move it.

They're not going
to sit up there

and wait for us all day.

They're coming.

Looks like their pit crew
was a little faster than ours.

Time to go, kids.

Go, guy!

How's it going back there, lad?

Keep your eyes on the road.

Wha...?

What?

Oh, no.

Not... not my seats.

Don't worry, I know a
guy who's great with seats.

- Where are you going?
- Where do you think I'm going?

Stop. Stop!

They went the other
way. Now back up.

Come on, come
on, come on. Move it.

Mrs. Roberts, could you
pass me that gasoline, please?

I beg your pardon?

Gasoline.

Tearing the stuffing out
of the caddy was easy.

Using it to stop the guys
chasing us was another matter.

Gasoline would help.

Always does when
you need an explosion.

Since I bent the
back of the tailpipe,

the explosion only
had one way to go...

Out...

And it was going to take

Guy's steering wheel
knob right along with it.

Sort of a homemade mortar.

Step on it. We gotta
get closer to them.

Are you creating
another obstacle for them?

Yep, that's the idea.

Duck!

Next time keep the car steady.

Push in the cigarette lighter.

Now all I need is this fuse.

The cigarette lighter ready?

Now what?

Touch it to the fuse
and pray this works.

What's he doing?

He's aiming something at us.

It worked.

Slow it down! No, no!

Phil, what are you doing?!

Phil, slow it... slow it...!

We got 'em.

To the Victor
belongs the spoils.

Hallelujah.

Is everybody all right?

Yeah, yeah, just check the car.

Hey, what was that thing?

I don't know, some
sort of Cannon.

Where'd he get it?

"What was it?
Where'd he get it?"

What difference does it make?

The radiator's shot,
we're out a set of wheels.

So now what do we do?

We do what we started out to do.

Nothing's changed.
I want that money.

- You mean we're going to walk?
- Exactly.

They have to stop sometime,

And when they
do, I want be there.

Let's go.

Oh, my, listen to the engine.

I'm afraid it's serious.

Now the oil light is on.

I'm not sure, but
I'd say she's had it.

MacGyver,

I think this is
what they're after.

Is this all yours?

Well, uh, why, yes,

Insofar as it's in
my possession.

You see...

There is no job, is there?

It is not my money.

I found it in the car.

What?

Project, guy.

Those of us in the back
row would like to hear as well.

It is not my money.

I found it in the car.

And how did it get in the car?

I don't know.

- Oh, you don't know?
- No, I don't.

- But you thought you'd keep it anyway.
- No.

Uh, excuse me, folks,
but I don't think we've got...

No? Then why is
it even in the car?

Why did you use it to pay
the motel bill, guy? Why?

Because I'm tired of being
treated like an old fool.

I'm tired of being a failure.

I'm tired of the way you
had to live because of it.

I just wanted to make you happy.

Happy?

Happy that my
husband is a thief?

Happy that you lied to me?

Happy to have a carload
of hooligans shoot at us

And nearly run us off the road?

Do I look happy to you?

"age cannot wither her,

nor custom stale
her infinite variety."

Antony and Cleopatra.

Act two, scene two.

Uh, Mrs. Roberts?

If it helps any,

this is probably more
my fault than guy's.

Unless I miss my guess,
this money was meant for me.

June...

You be quiet.

You've gotten us into
enough trouble already.

Look, if we leave
the money here,

will they leave us alone?

They don't strike me as the type

to let bygones be
bygones, ma'am.

I think we're going to
have to keep on moving.

Where do you suggest we move to?

I'm afraid the old
girl hasn't got it in her

to carry us any further.

Guy, what does that look
like to you down there?

A deserted town perhaps.

It probably is.

But at least we won't be
out in the open any longer.

Come on, hop in.

Got it in neutral?

Yes.

I'm hot, I'm tired,
and I'm thirsty.

How long we gonna keep this up?

Hey, can it, would you?

I'm sick of hearing
you complain.

Yeah? Well, I'm sick of
you wasting our time, man.

When are you going to get it?

They got away.
They're not going to stop,

And we're not going
to get that money back.

Hey. You're wrong.

We're not giving up.

Now you start moving.

- How long?
- Yeah.

Now how long are we just
going to keep walking like this?

You can walk now or you
can run for the rest of your life

because that's what
you're going to have to do

to stay alive if we don't
get that money back.

What?

Oil.

Fresh oil.

Big deal.

It is a big deal.

If their car's
leaking this much oil,

It's not going to take
them much farther.

We got 'em.

If I can get us on a good roll

down this hill,

We can coast all
the way to that town.

This is humiliating.

I've never driven this car
so slowly before in my life.

MacGyver, do you think
those nasty men will follow us here?

Well, this seems to be the
only town around.

We'll just have to be ready
for 'em in case they do.

I do hope we've
seen the last of them.

My feet are killing me.

Shut up!

Well, this is
where the hill runs out.

Welcome to main street.

What a place
to be stranded...

A deserted town,
miles from civilization,

hotter than Hades.

Oh, what I'd give for a
nice, tall drink of ice water.

It'll be cooler in the shade.

Why don't you stop
the car under this tree?

What a good idea.

I'm not so sure we
want to leave the car

out in the open, guy.

Let's put her behind that shed.

It should be less obvious there,

just in case our friends

manage to find a ride into town.

I think we got 'em. Come on.

Oh...

Well, now what?

Well, this much money
never seemed real to me.

Well, it's real now, guy.

Maybe not.

Can I see one of those?

Why was it so important

for Tony to give me this money?

Paper's good.

Ink's all right.

Can I see some more?

Mm, sure.

I think we're dealing
with counterfeiters.

All the serial numbers on
these bills are the same.

No wonder they're so anxious
to get their hands on the money.

They're not going to give
up until they have it, are they?

We're not about to
give up, either, ma'am.

I got a plan.

Guy, I want you to pull
the horn out of your car.

I think I can put
it to good use.

The town should be
just around this bend,

And then we'll have
'em... And the money.

What makes you think
they're going to be there?

Dead car, senior citizens.

Where else would they go?

I knew it was only a
matter of time

before those guys
paid us a visit,

and I didn't exactly want
to throw out a welcome mat,

so as soon as I
got the car horn,

I'd be able to put
the finishing touches

on a doorbell with a
rather piercing ring.

To do that, I needed some wire
and two metal contact points...

The front door handle
and the horseshoe.

Connect 'em
both to this battery,

And I should have
a proper greeting.

We got 'em now.

June, I...

Oh, guy, i'm so
disappointed in you.

Here's the horn you asked for.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, MacGyver, what have I done?

Was it worth it to
tarry her up like this?

I think it'd be best you
didn't think about it, sir.

But I can guarantee you,

when this is all over,

She'll be back just the
way you remember her.

Oh, you're a good chap,

but I'm afraid it's not
quite as simple as that.

I've never seen
her like this before.

Well, you probably never

quite put her through
anything like this before.

Perhaps not... but
that's hollow consolation.

Yeah, I know she may
not look like much now...

Not look like much?

I'll have you know that
she looks as good now

As the day I married her.

Married?

You're talking about June.

Well, yes, of course. June.

Who else would I
be talking about?

Uh...

I'd give anything to get
her to talk to me again.

What are you up to now?

Well, a good relationship
is a lot like a car.

If you want it to work smoothly,

you got to put a
lot of work into it...

And have the right tools.

Flowers make a pretty
good tool for that kind of job.

Now it's up to
you to do the work.

MacGyver, thank you.

June...

I'd like to say I'm sorry...

for everything...

For taking you away
from Hollywood,

from your friends,
from your career;

for having to put up
with my insufferable pride

And intolerable ego.

Guy Roberts,

do you honestly
believe you could

Make me do anything
I didn't want to do?

I've spent my life with
you because I've wanted to,

because I love you.

Oh, guy.

"Doubt that the stars are fire,

"doubt that the sun doth move,

"doubt truth to be a liar,

but never doubt my love."

They're beautiful.

I think they're beautiful, too.

Why don't you folks just
get up and join me outside?

Sounds like my
boys found your car.

All right, old man,
where's the money?

In the front.

Go get it.

When you've got the money,
you will leave us alone, won't you?

Sure, lady,

just as soon as...

En garde!

Guy, watch out!

Whoa...

My hero!

Hey, I got it!

Guy Roberts from the late show,

rampage of the round table,
night of a thousand days.

That guy Roberts?

Yes, that's it.

That's it precisely.

That guy Roberts.

You know, he actually knows me.

Somebody... Actually remembers.

Oh, Hollywood has
changed so much.

This used to be the club oasis.

Mm, everybody used to come here.

Now it's just an old body shop.

Aw, come on, now, kids,

There's still a little bit of
Hollywood magic left here.

Pete!

Showtime.

Voil!

Oh, guy, she's beautiful.

It's unbelievable.

I told you it could be fixed.

Well, it looks like your
bonus is appreciated...

And well deserved, too.

You stopped the boys
with the funny money

From saturating the
entire west coast with it.

Got the plates, too.

- Well, good.
- A-ha!

What?

A scratch.

Thread.