MacGyver (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Can Opener - full transcript

When I was 12 years
old, I found a stray dog

in the woods behind my house.

He wasn't much to look at,
but we got along.

I named the dog Archimedes,

after the famous mathematician,

and my grandfather said I could keep him

if I did all the work.

Sounded like a sweet deal.

I mean, how much work could one dog be?

But I quickly realized that this dog

was a born escape artist.



At least once a week, I found myself

chasing him all over the neighborhood.

What is this guy,

like an Olympic sprinter or something?

Yeah, didn't you read his file, Jack?

Special skills include

stealing top secret
information with his phone

and 100 meter dash.

Yeah. I hear the sarcasm,

I'm just too tired to appreciate it.

He's heading for the northeast exit.

You might be able to head him off

if you turn right... now.

Riley, how much longer
until you fry this guy's phone



with your space laser?

Okay, first, stop calling it
a space laser.

Second, I'm writing a code
complex enough to wipe a locked,

encrypted phone from 7,000 miles away.

Whatever, Riley!

I just need an E.T.A,
not a dissertation.

Aah! Mac, just let me shoot him, please!

Can't. Thornton's orders.
Pentagon wants him alive.

He won't be dead, he'll just be shot.

Come on!

Jack, keep up!

Okay, guys. We got a problem.

Those stacked containers
he just ran into?

They're blocking the line-of-sight from

the GPS satellites. I'm going blind.

Actually, I-I got an idea. You go!

Wait a minute, you really have an idea,

or are you just
trying to get out of running?

Jack, go! You're just trying
to get out of running!

We tried everything

to contain Archimedes, but that dog

jumped fences, chewed through cages,

even tunneled under walls.

So, Gramps had
an invisible fence installed

around our yard. He said the next time

Archimedes tried to escape, his collar

would give him a good shock.

For me, shocking Archimedes

was a non-starter.
So, I took his collar apart

and replaced the zapper with a speaker

that emitted a high frequency
only dogs could hear.

Archimedes never escaped again,

and I did it without hurting
him, because I loved that dog.

This Serbian double agent
on the other hand, well...

Jack, I need a spark

right there!

The Pentagon said alive.

Not unharmed.

You're welcome.

Got one.

It's perfect. One bed, one bath.

And it's in the Hills.

Well, that one would've been perfect,

until someone rented it three days ago.

Damn.

Yeah, well, it's L.A. 2016, you know.

Things move fast.

Even online, everything I find

in my price range is already rented.

I mean, I guess you could
always bunk here.

You know, Mac and I can turn
the attic into a third bedroom.

Nice try.

But I'm not moving in with you.

And Mac, all right?

Like a Three's Company situation.

But with better clothes.

Thanks, but...

I went from my mom's house

to a supermax,

to a corporate apartment
set up by the Phoenix.

I've never had a place
that was just mine, you know?

I get it. You're an independent woman.

I'm the same way.

But you know... a dude.

Right.

I know it sounds silly,

but...

for the first time, I have a real job,

some money in my pocket.

All I need is a home,

and maybe I can finally put
everything else in my rearview.

All right. All right,
what about this place?

It's definitely you... hip, edgy,

and one hell of a view.

Listed 20 minutes ago,

and it's already rented.

What are you doing?

I clicked the link. It's gone.

I'm gonna get you a link
nobody's clicked yet.

Good day, sir.

I'm inquiring about
the flat on Franklin,

Yes, sir, I understand it's been
rented, but it's a shame.

You see, your property was perfect

for my associate, Miss Riley Davis.

Let me assure you she is a dream tenant

with a thriving career

at a most prestigious local think tank.

So, I thought I'd just ring you up

and see if you had
any more flats available?

You do?

And it's not even online yet?

Brilliant.

Uh, we'll be over there in a tick.

Cheers.

Boom!

I'm impressed.

Give me your phone.

Uh, I thought I only got

these for helping out
with your parole officer.

You get one...

when you do something to deserve one.

Did I mention I'm an expert mover?

So?

Congratulations.

I move in this weekend.

Oh, nice.

Hey, listen, if you need a discount

on some lightly used neon beer signs,

I'm your boy.

Can I get back to you on that?

Good morning.

Congratulations on the apartment.

How'd you know?

We're spies.

We got a call about a credit check.

Sorry, but the moving in
will have to wait.

This is Joaquin "El Noche" Sancola.

Former head of the Merida cartel.

Oh, yeah, I remember this guy.

Didn't he tunnel his way
out of a Mexican prison?

Yeah.

DEA had to catch him again
and lock him up stateside.

Ooh, I'm smelling some vacation
time, I mean, correct me

if I'm wrong, but it's
gonna be a really easy week

catching a guy who's
already behind bars.

Actually,

him being behind bars is the problem.

Hmm, what do you mean?

Since the U.S. locked up
El Noche, his lieutenants

have unleashed an unprecedented
wave of violence

against law enforcement... Federales,

DEA agents and their families
have all been killed.

El Noche could be brutal,

but he was a businessman.

These new lieutenants are barbarians.

The cartel is run out of
a secret stronghold

somewhere on the Yucatan peninsula.

We may not know where the compound is,

but El Noche does.

And we know exactly where he is.

Serving time in a maximum
security prison in Texas.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

Hook 'em, Horns.

So, we're supposed to get
El Noche to do what?

Tell us where his secret hideout is?

Actually, I was thinking
that he could show us,

after we help him escape from prison.

Oh, nice.

Once he's out, like a wasp,

he'll fly back home to his nest,

and he'll lead us right back
to his stronghold.

Then we take him
and his lieutenants down,

and end the Merida reign of
terror once and for all.

Yeah, that's one of the craziest plans

I've ever heard and I love it.

How we expected to make this happen?

Yep, this is the plan.

Me.

Except, I'm not me anymore.

According to the rap sheet
Thornton and Riley whipped up,

I'm Frank Morris, a mechanical
engineer who ripped off

the very bank vault
he designed for a living.

And apparently,
I've broken out of prison.

Twice.

Bishop Correctional is home
to the worst of the worst.

Murderers, gang bangers, psychopaths.

And a whole lot of guys that
make them look like choir boys.

And guess who has to go in clean?

That means no comms, no gear,
no Swiss Army knife.

But I do have a few angels
looking over my shoulder.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

Sorry.

I'm just nervous.

It's not easy in there.

He's a trained operative.

He'll be fine.

You survived prison, didn't you?

Barely.

And there wasn't a day that went by

where I didn't think I might
not see the next one.

Home, sweet home.

So, now all I got to do

is approach a notorious drug
lord, get him to trust me,

break us both out of one
of the toughest prisons

in the country,

and then score myself an invite

back to his hideout in Mexico.

Oh, and did I mention
that in the 22 years

since this prison opened its doors,

not one person has ever escaped?

Sorry.

Turns out, 16 straight hours

of prison surveillance is some
pretty good nightmare fuel.

Look, I know this op

isn't exactly bringing back
good memories,

but you have to work smart.

Pace yourself.

It could take days

or weeks for Mac to make contact

and gain El Noche's trust.

Then we still have the small task

of breaking them both out of prison.

So go home, get some rest.

I'll go home when Mac comes home.

Looks like you got
into their system no problem.

Actually, we have a big problem.

Last night they ran a security update

and patched the hole
in their system I was using

as a backdoor.

Can you hack in another way?

Not without setting off all their alarms

and blowing our whole operation.

Believe me, I spent
the whole night trying,

and all I've been able to do is

access their cameras.

Someone like me wanted to make sure

someone like me didn't take control.

Hey, now's not a good time,
sexy mama, okay?

I'm just getting in to work.

I understand, Jack,

but we have a bit of a situation here.

What kind of a situation, hon?

Riley's been locked out
of the prison control systems.

We can keep an eye on you
via security cam,

but that's about all
we can do from here.

Well, then, how in the hell
are we supposed

to get Mac out of here?

I thought Riley was gonna magically

open some doors for him or something.

That was the plan.

Now we need a new one.

Oh, well, then, we'll just
have to postpone

dinner with your mama, sugarlump.

I love you, too, babe.

Okay.

Riley warned me
my first day wouldn't be easy.

Listen to me.

It's just like the first day of school,

except some of the other
kids in there have

actually killed people.

But hey, at least the food's awesome.

Are you out of meds?

Plenty of medicine.

It just won't spray.

Been asking for a new
one for six months.

May I?

Give it a try.

I don't like owing anybody anything,

so I'll pay you back with some advice.

You shouldn't have even talked to me

in the first place.

In here, there are no friends,

only enemies.

If you want to survive,

mind your own damn business.

I wish I could follow
the old guy's advice.

I really do. But for this plan to work,

I need to do more than
just survive in here.

I need to win El Noche's trust.

And to do that, I'm going to have

to follow some of Riley's advice.

No one trusts a coward.

You just show El Noche
you're not afraid.

Is the "find the biggest guy
and punch him" speech?

Not exactly.

Prison is all about cliques.

Punch the wrong guy,

and you're beefing with his whole crew.

You need someone with no
friends, no affiliations.

I went through the inmate files

and found your guy.

Vincent Heath,
in for armed robbery, his third.

Guy's a loner.

He's mixed it up with every
major gang in the joint,

which makes him perfect.

You got a problem with me?

No, this is gonna hurt.

Damn it, Mac, I said
pick a fight with him,

not let him use your face
as a speed bag.

Hey, how's our boy doing?

Not good. Get to the yard, quick.

Big fight in the yard!

Stop that fight! Drop it!

Break it up.

Break it up! Back off!

You're dead! On your feet!

You heard me, I said get up.

On your feet!

I know this was part of the
plan, but you could have

at least waited until
I was here to get your back.

Hands against the wall!

Funny thing about being locked up

is it makes you impatient to get out.

Besides, I think it worked.

I just need a little one-on-one time.

Have Riley put me on his work detail.

I would if I could, but Riley can't

Riley her way into the
prison's computers right now.

- Don't worry, I'll think of something.
- Okay.

Hey, since we've been,
uh, standing over here

chitchatting so long
in front of everybody,

I think it's only fair that I
rough you up a little bit, okay?

- What?
- Ready?

I said don't eyeball me, convict!

Let's go!

Sorry, sorry.

For a smart guy,
you're pretty damn dumb.

How many old guys you see in here?

You think I lasted this long
by making trouble?

Great book.

I've already read it.

Not this copy.

Use those sparingly.

The way you're making friends,
you'll need 'em.

Deputy Warden to H-Block.

Deputy Warden to H-Block.

We have a personnel problem.

All right, I'm in.
Let's hack into their system

and change Mac's work assignment.

Yeah, it's not really hacking, Jack.

Hang on a second.

The Deputy Warden's computer

isn't networked, so it's
just an ordinary PC.

Okay, there you go.

Yes. I knew that was it.

"Jail"... what an idiot.

I just bypassed his password.

It was in sleep mode, Jack.

Oh.

You literally could have hit any key.

- Okay.
- All right, let's see

if you can Forrest Gump
your way through this.

Mm-hmm.

You see that file on the desktop
labeled "work detail"?

- Mm-mm.
- On the computer desktop.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
- Click that.

All right, scroll down.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, stop.

All right, now highlight that line

that says Mac's name and inmate
number and hit control-X.

- Okay.
- Now scroll down

and click right where it says "laundry,"

and hit control-V.

Done.

That's some pretty
serious hacker skills,

isn't it, Riley?

You changed an entry
in a spreadsheet, Jack.

You could maybe get fired
from an accounting firm.

Yeah, well, I feel like a hacker.

But more importantly,
now Mac and Nacho Cheese

can spend some high-quality
time together.

Two million.

What's that?

I'm busting out of here and, uh,

for two million, I'll let you tag along.

Really?

What makes me so lucky?

When I get out of here,

I'm gonna need some money to disappear.

So a little birdie told me
you were the only guy in here

with some real cash.

You know what they say about birds.

They don't live very long.

Actually, a Laysan Albatross
can live up to 40 years.

I read a lot.

So you're a smart guy.

I'm smart enough to know who you are.

You bought yourself a nice life in here,

but it'd be much better on the outside.

Go on and get out of here, go.

Go!

These are the Manos Sangrientas.

Soldiers from a rival cartel

trying to muscle in
on El Noche's business.

If you want to get close
to El Noche, you got to know

the other players involved.

It's time for you to call your people.

There's plenty of
territory to go around.

We just want a split.

And you don't want a war.

When you can't get
your hands on a 45-pound plate,

a towel soaked in water
can pack a hell of a punch.

Add some powdered bleach
to give it a little sting.

Wrap the whole thing
in a sheet for extra range,

and you've got yourself a weapon

from the Middle Ages called a flail.

Time to get medieval on these guys.

Big mistake, smart guy!

This is a war, and you
just picked a side

and a chance those two vatos
are gonna kill the both of us!

Not if we escape.

Open two!

You eyeballing me, convict?

No.

Don't backtalk me, boy. Out of line.

I know I'm pretty, but
I ain't that pretty.

Hands on the bars.

Arms up. Arms up.

So what about, uh, what about El Nacho?

He say yes? He agree to it?

El Noche?

- Whatever.
- No.

But I think he will.

All right, that's good.

In the meantime, I'm gonna need
you to get me a few things.

Yeah, yeah, I'll get
you whatever you want.

Let's go.

Hey, new guy.

Uh, name's Derek, sir.

I was just gonna get
some much-needed supplies.

Well, they can wait.
We're short-staffed on D-Block.

Get your ass over there.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, I'll just get those supplies

I was talking about
and I'll head right over.

You'll head right over now.

Move it.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Hey, sweetheart.

We got a major problemo.
I just got reassigned

to D-Block before I could get Mac

the supplies he needs.
It's nowhere near his cell.

I might as well be on another planet,

all the help I'm gonna be.

The op's blown.

We got to pull Mac out.

No, I'm not ready to scrub the mission.

Mac's life is at stake.

Listen.

I know Mac would not want
to be pulled out just yet.

Look, I may not know Mac
as well as you or Jack,

but I know prison.

And when things go bad,
they go bad fast.

If we don't pull Mac out,
we might not get another chance.

Hey, okay, I get it, Riley,
but I'm with Patti.

I say we leave him.

If anybody can figure this out

on his own, it's Mac.

But he doesn't know
he's on his own, Jack.

He doesn't even know
you're not coming back

with the supplies he needs.

Yeah, well, I guess he'll have

to figure that part out, too.

Funny thing inside these walls...

time doesn't stand still,

It disappears completely.

The minutes get longer and longer.

Hours stretch until
they feel like an eternity.

I haven't exactly been able
to watch a clock,

but I know Jack is taking way too long

to get back to me
with the stuff I asked for.

Which is a big problem.

I wasn't 100% sure

I could break out of this place
with Jack's help.

And now, I really don't know
if I can do it alone.

You got a new roommate.

I used the last of my
favors with the guards

to be transferred in here with you.

Los Manos Sangrientas will
be looking for us soon.

So, are you gonna break us out of here

or do I have to kill you myself?

Uh, let's try the first one.

What's your plan?

First, let's make our deal clear.

I get us out of the prison,

you get us out of the country.

That can be arranged.

Then I want a house
somewhere in Mexico...

so I can lay low
until the heat dies down.

You do everything you say,

I'll give you anything you want.

Good.

Just so you know,

once we get out of here...

it's all on you.

I'll make the call.

You get us past these walls,

my men will take care of the rest.

There are a lot of walls and bars

between here and there.

How do you plan to get past them?

Batteries and salt.

"Batteries and salt"...
that's your plan?

Well, yeah, I mean, we need water, too,

but we already have that.

A-Block's all clear.

I'm going to lunch.

Watch yourself, fish.

A little gift for you.

Last door on the right.

Ah, lunchtime.

That would be our daily helping
of Nutraloaf.

Now, Nutraloaf is a mash-up

of cafeteria leftovers

that provides all the nutrition

a growing inmate needs.

Plus a few thousand grams
of salt to mask the taste.

Terrible for the body,
but, thankfully, I didn't plan

on eating it.

So, now you're making
soup in the toilet?

N-No, not soup.

Hydrogen.

The salt in the Nutraloaf

acts as an electrolyte.

Combine that

with the current from a battery

and you get electrolysis

of water.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Well...

I'm splitting the water molecule

into oxygen and hydrogen.

Anyways, uh... hydrogen likes to...

go ka-boom.

So, you're gonna blow this whole cell up

with us inside?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, we got to get

the door open somehow.

Okay.

So, what do we do now?

Now...

we wait.

So, where did you learn to do all this?

I've always been good
at figuring things out.

Never really all that good
at following the rules.

Before I was in a cage,
I used to design them.

Used to build safes and vaults

for banks, businesses...

billionaires.

Problem was

I liked picking locks better
than I liked designing them.

I got greedy.

Got caught with my hand
in a cookie jar that I'd built.

So...

is your toilet ready?

Only one way to find out.

Give me a hand with this bed.

Yeah.

I think it worked.

Could you hand me
that string down there?

What are these for?

I'm about to spike
the air pressure in here

by about two degrees of magnitude, so...

either these go in your ears

or blood comes out.

It's up to you.

One other fun fact about hydrogen?

It's lighter than air.

That's what kept the Hindenburg
up in the sky...

until it didn't.

Take this.

Wrap it around your head
and get underneath.

With the air vent and the window sealed

by newspaper, the hydrogen

I've been making in the toilet

has been gathering
at the ceiling for hours.

And since every gallon
of water, when broken down,

produces about 4,000 liters
of gaseous hydrogen, well...

this is going to get loud.

You got any more tricks up your sleeve?

Get this door open now!

All these doors are locked!

Actually, this one isn't!

Get this door open now!

How you going to deal
with them now, smart guy?

Get the door!

Uh, I don't know,
but I'll think of something.

Come on! Hurry up! Open the door!

- Hey, what's going on?!
- Mac's in trouble in A-Block.

We need a diversion.

Now.

Code red!

Code red!

Uh, I got another inmate!

They're, uh...

they're-they're trying to escape!

They're trying to escape, uh...

They're in the kitchen!

They're in the kitchen!

Inmates, they're, uh...

they're in the kitchen.

Stay here in case
they backtrack. You three!

With me! Move!

I got this.

No!

The hell are you doing?!

Just in case

we don't make it out of here,

I don't want to add murder to my sheet.

If we don't get out of here,

you don't have to worry about your sheet

because I'll be adding
another murder to mine.

Should be unlocked.

If we're gonna escape,

I'm gonna need your help,
but I'm just gonna need you

to do what I say and don't
ask questions, all right?

We're three stories up.
It's not long enough.

Tie this...

around there.

Go and put that lid on.

Alcohol.

Okay.

_

Archimedes... the mathematician,

not the wolfhound I mentioned
earlier, once said,

"Give me a lever long enough

and a fulcrum on which to place it,

and I shall move the world."

What Archie left out
were a few key details,

like the tensile strength of iron

versus a wooden broom handle.

But with a little help
from a process called

"chemical embrittlement,"
This should work.

I could prove him right

and escape just like Archimedes.

- Smart guy.
- The wolfhound,

not the mathematician.

Are you kidding me?

This is your $2 million plan?

Even if these sheets
hold our weight going down,

we're still in the yard.

Yeah, that's why we're not
climbing down.

Smart guy.

Over here.

Okay.

I held up my end of the deal.

Now it's your turn.

Tell me, Mr. Morris,

why did you stop me
from killing that guard?

I told you why.

A prisoner facing as much time as you

wouldn't think twice
about killing someone

standing between him and freedom.

Makes me wonder if...

you're not Frank Morris.

Who are you really?

Hey, Patti, I'm not seeing them.

You got anything on that satellite?

Our follow-on's are blocked
by that forest cover.

And we're not seeing
any heat signatures.

So, widen the perimeter.

Already on it.

Hey, guys, I got what looks like

fresh tire tracks and blood,

but no Noche, no Mac.

Riley, analyze those images.

Get me the make and model
on that vehicle.

Already on it.

Let's get eyes on every
CCTV feed at the border.

And live feeds of every road
south of the prison.

If it crosses into Mexico,
I want to see it.

Okay.

Based on tread marks,
we're looking for...

a sedan... American made,

likely one of these four models.

This is impossible.

Every sedan looks exactly the same

from this distance.

How are we gonna know
which one Mac is in?

And I thought my cell was small.

So, the plan worked.

Sort of. I have a feeling we're headed

for El Noche's compound in Mexico,

but I can't tell anyone
where it is if I'm dead.

Which makes my first order
of business pretty simple...

find a way to call for help ASAP.

Okay, this is gonna sound nuts,

but if I use Morse code to
tap out Jack's phone number

over and over,

maybe I can catch the eye of

some ex-military or off duty cop

who can read my signal and is
willing to make the call.

I know, I know, it's a long shot,

but I'm in a trunk,

headed towards what I can only imagine

is a very painful death.

So right now, a long shot is all I got.

Bring him.

You seem like an extremely
useful gringo.

Be a shame to kill you.

I actually like you.

But we have a problem.

You see, I have a lot of friends.

Friends who warn me when
someone's coming for me:

Federales, DEA, FBI.

No one warned me about you.

And if I have a new enemy,

I need to know their name.

I need to know who you work for

and who you are.

Or I will show you just how long

I can make a minute last.

Look, too much time behind those walls

has made you paranoid.

There's nobody hunting you.

I mean, we had a deal.

You know, I got the idea
of this technique

from an article I read
about you Americans

and your love of waterboarding.

You see, inhaling

pure nitrogen won't
kill you right away...

it'll poison you slowly.

I'm told it feels like drowning.

Very uncomfortable.

So after a little of this,

you'll be begging me

to tell me even your darkest secrets.

Come on, smart guy.

That was just a taste.

Are you ready to tell me
who you work for?

I'm ready to tell you...

I'm ready to...

I'm ready to...

how much I love your mustache.

Call me back when he's

feeling more talkative.

Hey, man.

Got your message.

You might want to brush up
on your Morse code, though,

I think you misspelled my name.

Hey, boys!

Geez, what they been giving you?

Looks like you could use a nap.

$4 million price on my head.

I guess I should be flattered.

Money well spent, Mr. MacGyver.

Unfortunately, over the last 48 hours,

the DEA and Federales shut down
your entire operation, so,

everything you have is gone.

You may have my money,

but you haven't taken my friends.

And there's still plenty of those

that owe me favors.

I look forward to meeting those friends.

Grandpa...

this came for you.

What is it?

What does it look like?

Who are they from?

A friend.

Yeah!

There he is.

Well, you're a free man.

How's it feel?

Sick of being here. Ready to be...

anywhere else, I think.

"Get busy living or get busy dying."

I love it!

You almost...

made it the whole mission

without a single Shawshank reference.

The timing was right.

Yeah, the timing's right to get me far,

far away from here, I think.

You ready, Ri?

Hey, Riley, let's boogie. Let's go.

I don't know how you did it.

You spent two years in there?

Six days almost killed me.

You need to know, I couldn't
have done it without you.

So, thank you.

Ready to get out of here?

You have no idea.