Lucifer (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 22 - All Hands on Decker - full transcript

- Previously on Lucifer...
- You are my brother

and my test.
So what's the plan?

We need to make

the detective realize

that Pierce isn't the man

she thinks he is.

If we don't get Chloe
to love you,

then I can't kill you,

and I need this
to get back to Hell.

I like you, Charlotte.

So, if you need
time, I can wait.



You're worth it.

What do you desire?

- I want her to choose me.
- Then tell her.

Chloe Decker,
will you marry me?

Yes.

Are you listening?

Get a move on.

What part of

"she can't perform without it"
do you not understand?

Great. Just great.

This is the agility trials
in San Fran all over again.

Run.

Run!

This is an heirloom.



Only the best for Bootsie.

And now, introducing
last year's grand prize winner,

Bootsie.

Situation sorted.

You wish.

Cornelia's up next and
no one's laid eyes on her.

Ms. Cornelia, showtime.

Ms. Cornelia?

Oh, my God!

Wowzers.

That is some rock,
girlfriend.

It is exciting, isn't it?

Um, yeah, I mean,

heart melting,
brain exploding.

Wait, clock's ticking.

How much time do we have
before the big day?

- Three...
- Months?

...weeks, actually.

What? That is not
enough time to plan.

Well, Marcus and I
thought why wait?

When you know,
you know, right?

I'm not talking
about the wedding.

No, I am talking about
the bachelorette party.

Well, it's the
second wedding.

Do I need one?

Uh, yeah, you do.

It sets the foundation
for your whole support system.

And trust me,
you're gonna need one

for the dark days
to come 'cause, I mean,

sleeping with the same dude

for the rest of your life?

Even hot gets boring, Chloe.

Dark days ahead, indeed.

I may have to take my chances.

Uh, Decker.

All of my life,
I have been dreaming

of the chance to plan
a bachelorette party.

But four brothers.
Remember?

And you're the closest thing
I have to a sister right now.

Well...

I guess if you're gonna
play the sister card.

Yes!

Oh, wait.
Let's talk theme.

The bachelorette
and wedding should match.

You know, color palette, dress,
cake, venue, flowers...

Playlist, DJ, tuxedo,

- marriage license.
- Right.

We have the nice bottle

of single malt for the bar,

which is gonna be open,

which means we need to
get a couple bartenders.

This is a lot, isn't it?

It's, uh...

Do you think we should maybe
postpone the date?

Is that what you want?

No. No.

Totally and completely no.

I... unless...

- unless you do.
- Absolutely not.

I've never been more sure
of anything in my life.

I mean, look, we solve murders.

- How hard can it be to plan one little wedding?
- Yeah.

But I think I know what'll help.

- Hmm?
- I recently discovered that a certain detective

has weeks
of unused vacation days.

Couple days away from the office
might give you time to plan.

Chloe said yes?

- To marry Pierce?
- It's mind-boggling,

I know.

I mean,
when I said I was at peace

with the detective
making her own choices,

it didn't occur to me

that she'd be capable of making
such a spectacularly bad one.

I mean,

why on earth?

Why is besides
the point, Luci.

We can't allow this to happen.

Oh, I like this new you.

I wish you'd realized
I was your test eons ago.

Luci, it is God's will that you

- and Chloe...
- Yeah, don't ruin it.

I'm just happy

that we're on the same side
for once.

So, what's the plan?

The plan... is simple.

The plan is simple.

I'm going to try
to understand why

the detective
would want to marry

that overstuffed man ham

and then make her see
she's deranged.

Or you could just tell her
how you feel.

I already missed my window
for that, unfortunately.

He's weaseled his way
into her heart,

and I don't understand how,

but I need to.

Well, good luck.

And I will come up with a plan
that will actually work.

Of course you will.

Ah, Detective.

- You look nice.
- Thank you.

Uh, anyway, since
changes are afoot,

I'd like to address
things head-on.

Oh. Well,
that's oddly mature of you.

And it's... it's nice to know

that you're not gonna start
acting all weird.

Oh, what's this?
Is this an engagement gift?

It's much better than that.
It's a personality test.

So I can understand why
you do the things you do

and, uh, decide
the things you decide.

A personality test?

So much for not acting weird.

What? You know, to help
optimize our partnership.

Okay, well,
it's gonna have to wait,

because I am taking some
time off to plan the wedding.

I... Well, how am I supposed
to get inside your head

if I can't watch you at work?

The job is who you are,
Detective.

Well, how about

you watch Dan.

Because my cases
have been reassigned,

and I'm sure
he'd appreciate the help.

Well, looks like it's
you and me, Lucinda.

Yippee.

- And then there's potential reason number 54...
- 55.

...55 the detective would accept
Pierce's proposal: drugs.

EUI... Engaged
Under the Influence.

Or craziest reason yet:

maybe Chloe said yes
because it's what she wants.

Well, maybe it's what
she thinks she wants,

but does she know
what she truly desires?

'Cause few do
unless I help them.

And unfortunately,
I can't do that with her.

Not peony, penis.

Peni... Yeah, sure, I'll hold.

Vic is Francis Hoffman.
Time of death roughly 9:00 a.m.

- Husband's on his way now.
- Right.

Well, aren't you gonna ask

about these suspicious
paw prints?

The detective
certainly would.

The prints belong

to Cornelia,

the vic's prizewinning Mastiff.

Currently AWOL, though.

Ah, right. A canine killer.

- Seems they can't trust you with a real homicide, Daniel.
- Nope.

The bitch is innocent.

Cause of death
was blunt force trauma,

so the killer is human.

You can rush the order?

Awesome!

Okay.

It's all in here.

- Oh.
- I got me

a penis piñata to pick up.

Right,
well, by now, the detective

- would have formulated a working theory, so...
- Listen, dude.

I know you're
going through stuff

with this whole
Chloe-getting-engaged thing,

but I can't have you
second-guessing my every move.

Chloe has her reasons for making
the decisions that she makes,

and I have mine.

Only one of us can be detective.

- You're right.
- Yeah.

That is the perfect way to
understand the detective.

I'm gonna take the
lead and be her.

Right.

That is not what I meant.

Francis loved the beach.

We just celebrated our sixth
wedding anniversary in Malibu.

Two daddies and one fur baby.

Has there been any sign of her?

Cornelia's all I have left.

Not yet, but my job
means everything to me.

Solving murders is
my one true passion,

and as such, I promise you
that I will find Cornelia

and get justice
for your slaughtered husband...

because I am empathetic.

I care.

Yeah.

Will you excuse us for
just a second, please?

Thought you never lied.

What? I do care...

about channeling
the detective

so I can find out why she does
the things she does

- and makes the decisions she makes.
- Okay, look.

Whatever it is,
we still have to do our job.

You know, like asking questions
relating to the crime.

Okay? Just let me handle this.

Uh, Frederick?

Do you know of anyone who
had a beef with Francis?

Anyone who would want
to hurt him?

Oh, right, that is exactly

the sort of futile question

the detective would ask.

- Do you?
- I mean,

everyone loved Francis.

But he did get into an argument
with someone in the parking lot

of the training center
last week.

- Did you get a name?
- No, I...

I thought they were just arguing
about a parking spot.

But I did take down
the license plate

in case he came back
to key the car...

if that's helpful?

Is that helpful?

Yeah.

Right. Thank you.

I got your message
about the engagement.

- Plan's back on, right?
- Whoa, easy, there.

Oh, relax.
I'm not gonna do it here.

I mean, I remember the plan.

Kill you, frame Lucifer,
blah, blah, blah.

I'm just really excited.

Well, that's not
why I called you.

I called to apologize.

Apologize about what?

I don't want to die anymore.

I'm in love with Chloe.
I want to be with her.

I-I know you
don't understand.

I hardly do, myself.

You know, I've never
felt like this before.

- We had a deal!
- And I will honor it.

I promise to find you
another way back to Hell.

Show me your arm.

Really?

I don't get it.

If Decker loves you,

then the mark should be gone.

Unless she's having
second thoughts about you.

Well, that's not...

Oh, my God.

Maze, super psyched you're here.

I got me
what you might call

an "all hands on Decker"
emergency.

- Would you...?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Conference room.
- Yeah.

I'll work on Chloe
and get her back on board.

In the meantime,

you better figure out
that other way...

fast.

Is that

a wedding murder board?

I am just trying to
stay organized here.

Wow. Mug shot for the caterer.

Nice work, Decker.

- You see what I'm dealing with?
- Mm-hmm.

Guys, solving crimes
makes sense to me.

Wedding stuff, not so much.

Why do you think Dan and I
got married at the courthouse

and then went right back
to work?

Decker, trust me,

we will help you deal
with all the wedding details

Blind drunk

at your bachelorette party.

- Mm-hmm.
- Which needs to be awesome.

That's where you come in

while I deal with a
new lead in this case.

Oh, the case. Right.

- What's going on with that?
- I-I ran a partial license

and got a match.

Security footage
shows the suspect's car

at the location of the murder.

Okay, who is it registered to?

You will never know that

because you are
on wedding vacay.

All right.
My dress.

- I need to get a dress.
- Yep. Mm-hmm.

And while you do that...

We will...

seal this wedding dealio

by throwing you
a bachelorette party

you won't forget.

Thanks.

I think.

Perfect. Okay, so you plan the
pregame till I get off of work.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.

With you on the case,

this night is gonna be insane!

Yes, we're heading
there right now.

Actually, we would've been there
20 minutes ago

if someone didn't have to stop
for a wardrobe change.

I'm committed, Daniel.

Okay, so, uh, Ella tracked
the plate of the guy

Francis fought with to an ex-con
named Vincent Walker.

Car was spotted on 3rd and Main.
So we should, you know, hurry.

Well, I'm going as fast
as I can.

You're going 34 in a 35, man.

I can't risk accidentally
going over the speed limit.

The detective wouldn't.

Why don't you just ask Chloe
why she said yes to Pierce?

Oh, there's no point bothering
the detective on her time off.

But speaking of
baffling unions,

how are you doing? You and
Charlotte still a thing?

Oh, I...

Yeah, she's kind of going
through some stuff right now.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- And I'm just...

- you know, I'm giving her space.
- Right.

- Or I'm trying to.
- Hmm.

But thank you for caring, man.

Oh, no, I don't care.

Oh, right, right, but Chloe would.

Now you're
getting it, Daniel.

Just drive, man.

Hey, Amenadiel.

- This a bad time?
- I could use a break

from prosecuting the
Malibu State water polo team.

Well, I was hoping
that you might be able

to help me out again.

I know we failed to prove

Pierce is The Sinnerman,

but I've still been digging,

and I am confident
that eventually...

Actually, I'm taking a different
angle this time, Charlotte.

I need to split up
the engagement

between him and Chloe.

Any chance to get in
His good graces, I'm in.

The thing is, Pierce seems
to genuinely be in love.

To stop this, we would
have to understand him,

and that... that guy
is impenetrable.

Well, if being a trial lawyer
has taught me anything,

it's that there's always a way
to get inside someone's head,

get them to have
a change of heart.

Go on.

You're both former immortals
that became mortal.

You could dig into your
own fears and insecurities,

weaponize them.

Not the easiest,
I know.

But worthy of a test.

Hmm.

Well, while I'm doing that,
perhaps you can work on Chloe?

Guess who just got invited
to Chloe's bachelorette party,

co-hosted by Maze,
of all people.

Bring singles.

Exactly.

Chloe will be drunk
in some stripper's arms

questioning her life choices
in no time.

All I have to do
is water the seeds of doubt.

Okay, so,
Vince Walker's record's

chock full of
violence, man.

Worked as a leg breaker
for the mob.

- You gonna pay attention or what?
- Hmm?

Oh, yes, whoever
wanted Francis dead

probably hired this
Vincent chap to kill him.

And I'd say,

based on the security
around that doorway

over there,
and the fact I've been here

many times before,
that is an illegal gambling den.

As such,
it's a reasonable assumption

that our devious
murderer's in there.

Nice work.
You actually have

this whole Chloe thing down pat.

And yet I'm still no closer
to understanding her.

I mean, I'm following
all the rules,

I'm actually paying
attention to the leads,

I'm covering all
the bases like she does.

It gives me
no time to do

the foolish,
impulsive things I normally do

that help solve
a crime.

Oh, hold on.

That's it. That's what's
missing: I need a "me."

- A "you"?
- Yes.

Well, to truly go
full Detective,

I require a partner who's
clever and unpredictable,

handsome, sexual.

Suppose one out of four
will suffice. Well done, Daniel.

Wow.

Which one of
the four am I?

Come on.

Yo, Lucifer.

Hey.

Thank you.

All right, remember,
just be me, Daniel.

Uh...

Hey, everybody.

Who the hell are you?

I'll show you who I am.

Oh, what the heck
happened to my, uh...

- Uh...
- What are you looking for, buddy?

Trouble?
A few lost teeth?

How'd you even get in here?

Right. Just be Lucifer.

I'm here for your money...
and your women.

Teeth it is.

Ah.

You buried the lede.

Maze, this is really sweet.

You helping me with all this
traditional bride stuff,

and-and for me, it's gonna be
really nice hanging out again.

Nice is exactly what
I was going for.

Yeah. Yeah, right.
Wait, where are we going?

There better
not be male strippers.

You underestimate
me, Decker.

- Careful. All right.
- Okay, okay.

- You ready?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.

Oh.

Wow. Hi.

Yes, I-I definitely never
would have guessed this.

Surprise!

It certainly
was for me.

Care for some
non-alcoholic punch?

Come on.

Sorry, not sorry.

Loser.

You know what?

Maybe this chair'll be luckier.

So, hit man's greatest hits.

What's the latest, Vince?

I don't know who you are, but
that stuff was a long time ago.

A man of your
reputation and skill?

I can't imagine you'd retire.

New time, new tune.
Not what I want anymore.

So then, uh, tell me,

what do you want or,
uh, desire?

I'm married, pal.

Oh.

No, no, I mean, uh...

Like, what do you want want?
Not, like, me, like...

in life, what do you want?

I want to play.
Are you in or you out?

Yeah.

Is that a dog bite?

Oh, don't tell me,
scars turn you on?

No, man.

It's just that when
I was a kid, I got bit.

She was a rescue,
Chihuahua.

She had been abused,
but, uh, we kept her.

Pebbles... turned into
a real friend, you know.

- Well, this was no Chihuahua.
- What kind of dog was it?

Well... huh?

Go, go, go!

LAPD!

Hands in the air!

I don't want any heroes!

Hands up!

Lucifer. Come here!

What the hell, man? SWAT?

Yes, well, this is when
I normally get into a spot

of danger,
so I called in for backup

like a responsible
detective would.

The suspect was
just about to give me

incriminating
evidence, man.

Daniel, would you quit
making this about yourself.

- Looking for booze?
- Yeah.

And Maze's bong,
and decent music,

and a strapping naked dude
with student loans and a dream.

Not on Maze's itinerary.

- Maze has an itinerary?
- Yep.

And I stole it.

Nail art,

Mahjong,

silent meditation?

Did you guys find the booze?

Exactly. We should be
nipple-deep in Jager by now

and playing pin the tail
on Ryan Gosling.

I can't believe that Maze legit
hijacked my bachelorette party.

- You mean Chloe's bachelorette party.
- That's what I said.

This is odd. What is Maze up to?

Okay. All the things
that you love about Pierce. Go.

Oh. He does this really
adorable, like, scrape-y thing

- when he burns the toast...
- Aw.

- And do-do I really have to do a hundred of these?
- Yes.

Oh, man.
I promised Chloe the moon.

And I gave her burnt toast.

Please. We've got
to do something.

Yeah.

I've got an idea.

I'm not gonna
bite you, Pierce.

Says the guy who's tried
to kill me numerous times...

and now can succeed.

Relax. I asked you here
to celebrate.

So you're not mad
that I got rid of my mark?

I feel this odd
kinship, actually.

I mean, this is like the, uh,
the first official meeting

of the Immortals
Turned Mortal Club.

In that case,
the beer's on you.

It's all my Father's plan,
I have to assume.

Maybe.

But for now, I need
to keep it quiet

from certain people,

until I know it's gonna stick.

cone of silencio.

I've wanted this
to happen for so long.

It's hard to believe
it actually is.

Hey, I'm really happy for you,
Pierce. Truly.

- Thanks, bro.
- I mean,

becoming mortal is the best
thing that ever happened to me.

Everything is so much better
when you know that you can...

you can die
at any moment.

How much time do we
have left? 30-odd years?

40, if we lay off the sauce?

I mean, that's a
drop in the bucket

for a former immortal.

Hadn't thought of it that way.

Every sip of beer,
every blue sky,

every motorcycle ride,

every kiss...

So much more precious

when you realize it
could be your last.

That any random act
could just...

take it all away.

Uh.

Oh, come on.

Definitely strapless. Mmm.

And with a bow.

Yes. Yes.
A big one.

Okay, I'm gonna get
another roll.

I did this two-ply

wedding dress garbage

at my cousin Rita's
bachelorette party.

You know what happened?

Not drunken pole dancing.

You know what else
isn't happening?

Us. Here.

This is torture.

Of course, Maze.

This all makes sense.

Oh, my gosh,
what could that be?

It's probably just, uh, Trixie
and her stupid little friend

next door.

Hold on.

Chloe.

- Is that...?
- You see it?

Oh, my God.

Okay, now, this is what I'm
talking about right here.

You didn't really think
we'd stay home, did you?

- You guys, you shouldn't have.
- Honk, honk.

Honk for "Fun! Fun! Fun!"

No, they really shouldn't have.

The detective always goes first.

So, Vince.

you were hired

to take out Francis so Cornelia
couldn't compete in the show.

Or was the
dog the target,

and she attacked,
so you killed the owner instead?

Hmm?

This is where I'd
make a clever pun

about the underdog.

Look,
I wasn't hired to take out

the competition,
I am the competition.

What do you mean?

I got into dog training through

the "pups and parolees" program
in jail.

That's how I got this bite.

I fell in love
with one.

Elliot.

I found out later
he was a purebred Mastiff,

so I started taking him
to all the shows.

He loves the shows.

You're not in
the competition database.

Daniel, that's my line.

You're not in
the competition database.

If those snobs
ever saw me with my Elly,

they'd never give him
a fair shake.

- So I pay someone to pretend to be his owner.
- Then why were you

- fighting with Francis?
- Look, I don't want to talk about it, all right?

Daniel, time to slam the suspect

up against the wall
to elicit a response.

Wait...

Oh, come on, practice with me.

Look, look, look.

The fight with Francis
was over puppy custody.

Cornelia was pregnant.

With my Elly's babies.

I could never murder
the puppies'

maternal grandfather.

I'm not some monster.

A litter of purebred
Mastiff puppies

is worth tens of thousands
of dollars.

O-Oh, right.

Who else knew about the puppies?

Oh, The Big Easy!

Put them on, put them on.

Okay, okay. Look.
"L'il Miss Can't Behave."

Oh, my gosh.

- Oh!
- Gosh. - Oh, my gosh.

- Oh! Oh!
- Maze.

Oh, don't worry, Decker, there's
lots more where that came from.

- Really?
- There really is.

Did you see that bar?

Is it cool?

What the hell is this?

Uh, the best
bachelorette party ever.

Hells yeah. This bus really
amped things up a notch!

Yeah, and now I need you
to de-notch.

Are you nuts? This is
everything I ever dreamed of.

In genuine pleather.

Ella, I really need this wedding
to happen.

That means no surprises,
no problems,

and definitely no drunken
change of heart.

We all know
Decker can't handle her booze.

I don't know. She seems to
be handling it just fine.

Yeah!
Looks like marrying

ol' reliable is letting her
bust out her inner Lucifer.

Yeah? And we all know
he isn't the marrying kind.

Come on, Maze,
it's one night.

Just let her
have some fun.

What could
possibly go wrong?

No!

Charlotte,
what is happening?

I agreed to waive the charges

on the Malibu State
water polo team

if they agreed to wave
some other things.

- Amazing.
- Right?

Yeah!

The Barkley.
Owned by Dr. Valerie Haynes,

veterinarian to the stars
and the SoCal Dog Show.

Apparently, every canine
contestant is required

to be examined
by Dr. Valerie

- before they can actually compete, which means...
- Mm.

...she definitely would have
known Cornelia was pregnant.

And she would have been
at the crime scene.

No, I still don't think
this is working.

Agree.

- And I think it's my fault.
- Also agree.

See, the problem is, we rarely
work this closely together,

you and I. And you can't
be expected to just know

the delicate
detective-consultant chemistry.

So I think you clearly need

an intensive hands-on
tutelage on how to be me.

That, I don't agree with.

Excellent.

Uh, you might want
to take some notes.

- Oh, yeah.
- Hello there.

Uh, we would love
to see Dr. Valerie,

if possible.

I can assure you

I know nothing about any murder.

Over puppies? I mean,
who would do such a thing?

Well, the rent in this
part of town is pretty hefty.

And those puppies
were extremely valuable,

especially
on the black market.

Oh.

You think I need money?

Imagine how much people spend
on their kids.

Peanuts compared to what
they spend on their pets.

Trust me,

I have more
than I could ever want.

Oh.

Do you, now?

Watch and learn.

Surely, there must be something
that you desire.

I...

Mm.

I'm...

Mm-hmm.

I'm really all good.

Come now,

there's really nothing you want
deep, deep down?

I want the
miracle of birth.

Trying to solve a murder here,
love, but I'm sure

you can find someone
to help you with that.

Eventually.

You don't mean...

for you, do you?

Of course I took the dog
when I had the chance.

Do you know how
little I get paid?

All the missed holidays?

Dr. Valerie spends most
of her time in Hawaii.

So I took Cornelia

and I hid her here.

And when Francis tried
to stop you,

you, what, killed him?

No! I was backstage,

but he was already dead.

Cornelia was frantic.

She came to me.

She's very particular,

and she knew
that I would take care of her.

By selling her precious babies?

I know it was wrong,

but I was gonna return her
right after she gave birth.

Look, I'm not a killer. I swear.

They never are,
are they?

Well, given motive
and lack of alibi,

you leave me with no choice
but to follow

my trusty detective gut
and arrest you

for the murder
of Francis Hoffman.

Tag her and bag her.

Well, suspect
apprehended.

Canine found.

And that is how
it's done, Daniel.

Oh, my gosh.

That's definitely one way
to sober up.

Charlotte. Oh,
Charlotte, hi.

Gettin' your groove on?

My groove is
on pause lately.

But forget about me.

This night is all you.

I got to say,
it's nice forgetting

about the wedding
stress for once.

Why stress?

It's all exciting!

And so bold.

First Dan, now Pierce?

Marrying a second guy
from your office?

But screw the professional
optics, right?

You have a type.

When you know, you know.

Whoa!
What are you doing? Whoa!

Um,
is it just me

or are we short a couple
of giant hot dudes?

Maze! What are you doing?

Hey!

I liked that guy!

He smelled
like chlorine

and butterscotch fudge.

I am five-feet-nothing
of coiled live wire, Maze.

This... means... war!

Linda, Linda,
Linda, Linda, please!

Maybe we can circle back
and-and then pick him up again.

While we're on the topic,

I would love
some relationship advice.

From me? Well, I'm not
an expert. Clearly.

I don't know.

I mean, your faith in some

pretty ruinous odds
is truly inspiring.

Did you know

that L.A. has one
of the highest divorce rates

- in all of the U.S.?
- Does it?

- Yeah.
- Really?

My plan has nothing to do
with you.

It is for Chloe.

I want to get her
exactly what she wants.

Pierce.

Married. To her.

No drama.

Yeah. Totally agree!

Total lack of drama

starting right now!

Cupid Maze? Altruism?

Pearls? No way.

People get married now
multiple times.

You're up
to something!

- I mean...
- Tell me!

I suppose there's
nothing stopping you

from getting married again

- after Pierce.
- Charlotte,

I know you're not trying
to freak Chloe out,

but it kind of seems

like you're getting
in her head.

- You really think so?
- Wait,

are you trying
to freak her out on purpose?

Uh...

Let's go.

Bring it.

Stop the freaking bus!

Everyone but Chloe out!

Now!

You know,

we could've sent the dog back
with the rest of the guys.

Nonsense. The detective would
never allow a pregnant lady

to ride in the back
of a filthy police van.

How very sensitive of her.

Yes. And so predictable.

I mean, how can the detective's
actions be so easy to replicate

and yet so hard to decipher?

I still have absolutely no clue

as to why she said yes
to Pierce.

Not to point
fingers, Daniel,

but I do wish you'd tried
harder to be, well, me.

If you weren't so afraid
all the bloody time...

I am not afraid.

Oh. Oh, really?

You say you're giving Charlotte
time and space

because it's what she wants,

but we both know
you're using it as an excuse

- to avoid telling her wha t you want.
- Fine.

Okay. Yeah. Maybe...

maybe I'm not great
at admitting what I want.

And maybe it wouldn't
kill me to...

- Lucifer it up every now and then.
- Mm.

But when it comes
to understanding people,

I'm not taking any pointers from you, man.

In fact, I think
you're the one who's afraid.

Excuse me?

The reason you won't ask Chloe
why she's marrying Pierce

is because you're scared
to hear the answer.

- That's absurd.
- No.

That's why you're playing all
these stupid little head games.

Which aren't gonna work,
by the way.

Because, first off,

you're only thinking about Chloe
as her job.

I mean, you don't even call her
by her name.

Which is Chloe,
not "the detective."

It's endearing.

Oh, come on.

You believe
this guy, Cornelia?

Chloe is so much more

than work, man.

She's a friend.

She's a devoted parent
to Trixie.

- She's the most amazing human being I've...
- Daniel.

You ignorant, fearful
genius... you're right.

Really?

Indeed. To truly
understand

the detective's motivations,
I need to experience

the full spectrum
of her life.

- Okay.
- So what I need is a defenseless,

barely verbal creature
who depends entirely on me

- for her every need.
- What are you talking about?

I need a Trixie. I...

Hello.

- Uh, ew.
- Maze,

what part of co-hosting a bachelorette
party did you not understand?

Hey, nobody asked me
about any damn bus!

Yeah, so you throw my next best
chance for a sex life off it?

- And, you, why are you freaking Chloe out?
- Yeah, I should never

have invited her.

I was trying to help!

You know, a little
prenuptial conflict is healthy.

It's better to get it
out of the system.

Oh, you want conflict?

- Done!
- Okay, ladies, please.

- There's still time to fix this, okay?
- Come on, Maze.

matching tattoos.

What?

Fake tattoos. Fake.

Pierce tipped me off...

- Pierce was looking into fake tattoos?
- Yeah. I mean,

he made me promise

not to tell anyone...
but you know what?

Lying bastard!

Where is Maze going?

Bigger problem, girls.

Where'd Chloe go?

Oh...

No, sit, child.

Oh, goodness me.
Sitzen.

Oh, my
goodness.

This is ridiculous.

I mean, at least
the detective's human dependent

can be bribed
with chocolate and cash.

But apparently, chocolate's
toxic for Ms. Picky here.

And she ate my wallet.

- What is that smell? And why is there...
- Hmm?

- ...crime scene tape all around my desk?
- Because trust me, Daniel,

Cornelia committed a very
serious infraction over there.

Children are

so needy... I mean,
you wouldn't understand,

but being a single parent
is exhausting.

Dude, it's been an hour.

Well, in dog years,
that's an eternity.

Yeah, well, your parenting days
are over, okay?

Francis's husband Frederick
is here.

Frederick! Oh.
Good to see you again.

What a pity.
We were just bonding.

Thank you, Detectives.

I had no idea she was pregnant.

- Now I can start to rebuild our family.
- Well, if you just,

uh, sign the release form,

and she's all yours.

There's my good girl.

Ah...

Girl...

Oh, poor baby.

She's clearly
feeling the strain.

Cornelia?

Come.

Bye, child.

I'll really...

Good-bye.

Right, now, that's...

Where's he gone?

How you doing there, hon?

C... Can you see me?

I see a lot of things
on this bus.

Looks like something's
eating at you.

Well, it just...

it all happened so fast, and...

everyone's wondering
why I said yes, and...

I-I'm wondering
the same thing myself.

I don't know, m-maybe I thought

that marrying a...

a safe, steady guy would...

somehow... change me
into a different person,

and that-that maybe this new,
spontaneous me

would-would somehow...

inspire the...
the person that I still am.

Hey, are you married?

17 years.

He's my everything.

Hopefully, your guy is, too.

How does she even do this?

Well, that's odd.

Cornelia's prenatal examination
was signed by Frederick,

but he said he didn't know
about the pregnancy.

And the signature's a match.

Which means he lied.

Ergo...

he's most likely the killer.

Well done, Detective!

Well...

well done, Detective.

Get in here, you stupid mutt.

Come on!

- Is that how you treat a pregnant lady?
- What the...?

- How did you get in here?
- I had a hunch you were the killer.

When your "fur baby"
wouldn't go to you.

Cornelia only goes...

to people she trusts.

Not killers.

why, Frederick?

I'm more than happy
to discuss this with you

after I tend to Cornelia.

Listen.

You got to understand,

a dog is supposed to be
man's best friend,

not man's best replacement.

Do you know what it's like

to be kicked out
of your own bed by a dog?!

But... I could
never get up the nerve

to just tell Francis
what I wanted.

You were scared
of what the answer could be.

Then I found out
about the puppies.

Six more reasons
for him to neglect me.

And we fought...

and he fell,

and he hit his head.

It was an accident.

Why don't you just
put the gun down.

Come back to the station

and tell your side
of the story.

I should've just
shot the dog!

But it's so hard
to kill a creature

with such intelligence
in its eyes.

LAPD!

Wha...?

Ah. There you are.

Typical.

You leave me with the paperwork
and run off alone.

- No thought of danger, no thought of protocol...
- You really...

don't see the
irony, do you?

All I see, Daniel, is that I
can't rely on you as my partner.

So perhaps I should find someone
steady, someone responsible,

someone who can
actually be there for me.

Oh.

Oh.

I get it now.

So you thought I wouldn't
find out your mark is fake.

You know, for a guy
who's lived for a million years,

you're a real dumbass.

Shh.

She's asleep.

Can't use the kid
as a human shield forever, Cain.

Maybe not tonight...

...but I am coming for you.

Hey. You're here.

Why isn't Trixie
at her sleepover?

I stopped by to check on her,
and she wanted to come home.

Um...

about all this wedding stuff...

It's way too overwhelming.

- Yeah, I agree. It's, uh, it's-it's...
- Yeah.

Listen,
let's forget

about the whole "big event"
thing, okay? Life is too short.

- Too short, yeah.
- Yeah.

Let's elope.

We don't need
the whole circus.

It's about you and me.

Yeah.

And-and-and that's why I...

I can't marry you.

I'm sorry, Marcus.

Dan.

Are you okay?

Uh...

I don't know.

Got a lot of things on my mind.

Could be kind of serious.

Tell me about it.

I am... whew...

seriously wondering
why I said yes

to that fifth shot of tequila.

What is it?

Charlotte,
I know that, um...

we've been keeping things
kind of loose,

and I said that you
could use your space.

And if that's
what you want...

if that's what you truly want,
then I respect that.

But... I never told you
what I want.

I want you.

All in.

The whole deal.

So, um...

so there.

Okay.

Really?

Ah. Detective.

Good. You're back.

I am. Yeah.

Excellent, because...

well, there's a few things
I need to say.

- Hmm.
- You see, I've, um...

well, I...

I've actually learned
something for once.

Oh.

No ring.

Yep, no ring.

Oh.

So, you were saying you learned
something?

Oh. Oh, it's nothing.

Nothing. Completely irrelevant.

Right.

Well...

a new case just dropped, so...

I was thinking...
back to work?

Back to work.

- After you.
- Thank you.

- Shall we take my car?
- Yes.