Lucifer (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Weaponizer - full transcript
Lucifer's brother Uriel shows up as he investigates the murder of his favorite action hero.
Previously on Lucifer...
So, we're still good
to be roomies, right?
What are you talking about,
roomies?
We shook on it.
You shall remain
right here,
on Earth, amongst the creatures
you so despise.
Existing in this punishment
allows me to be
closer to my family.
You made a deal to return Mom
to Hell.
In exchange, Chloe's life
was spared.
You still haven't delivered
on your end of the bargain.
If you're so concerned,
why don't you just
fly Mum back to Hell?
AMENADIEL:
Because I can't!
(yelling)
What if Dad decides to...
take back his side of the deal?
("Time Is on My Side"
by the Rolling Stones playing)
¶ Time is on my side ¶
¶ Yes, it is ¶
¶ Time is on my side ¶
¶ Yes, it is ¶
¶ Now, you always say ¶
¶ That you want to be free ¶
¶ But you'll come running back ¶
¶ Like I said you would, baby ¶
¶ You'll come running back ¶
¶ Spend the rest of my life
with you, baby ¶
¶ You'll come running back... ¶
(yells)
Son of a biscuit!
Dylan!
Dylan...
How many times have I told you
to pick up that
stupid skateboard!
I am not your maid!
God, why the hell is
your panties in a bunch?
Don't you talk to me like that!
You are grounded, young man!
I'm going camping with Tyler!
No, you're not.
Go to your room! Grounded!
(yells)
Don't waste food!
Get out of here!
You're ruining my life!
No, no. Not through there,
the dog's in there!
(barking)
¶ Time, time,
time is on my side ¶
(tires screeching)
¶ Yes, it is ¶
(horn blaring)
¶ Time, time,
time is on my side. ¶
CHLOE:
It was a random car crash.
Are you certain?
Yes.
But you didn't see anything
strange or out of the ordinary?
Like I told you at the hospital
and several times before that,
no.
What's going on with you?
(sighs)
Well, there's a miniscule,
albeit highly unlikely, chance
that your car accident
was a result of my father
trying to send me a message.
Lucifer, it was
a freak accident.
A dog ran into the middle
of the road.
You had nothing to do with it.
Right. Okay.
Well, you're about to be
in another disastrous wreck
that is avoidable.
What?
Living with Maze.
Potential for sexy pillow
fights notwithstanding,
you and Maze are like snow pants
and elephants.
You don't mix.
Maze and I
have become friends.
Sort of.
And I think it's gonna be fine.
Oh, really?
With a short adjustment period.
Mm.
(phone ringing)
Yeah. What is that?
Decker.
Yeah, what's the address?
TRIXIE:
Hi, Lucifer.
Ah, um, toys.
In there. Go.
Yes.
Thank you.
Can you read this
to me, Mommy?
(sighs)
No, Monkey.
I just got a new case.
You have to get to school.
And besides,
that's your bedtime story.
I'll read that to you tonight.
No, read it to me now!
This-- best birth control
in the world.
CHLOE:
Come here.
What's going on, kiddo?
Landa says your job's
really dangerous.
That cops get hurt all the time.
I don't want you to get hurt.
Oh, baby.
The car accident was just that--
an accident.
And Mommy's job can
be dangerous, but
I'm really careful, okay?
I'm not gonna get hurt.
I love you, Mom.
Oh, I love you so much.
I love you.
Oh, no, actually, this
is better birth control.
(groans)
¶ ¶
CHLOE:
Hey, Ella.
Hey.
All right, any I.D.
on the victim?
Uh, yep.
His name is...
It's Wesley Cabot!
What? How do you
know that?
How do I know th--
Star of the
Body Bags movies.
Eighth-degree black belt.
Absolute icon
in the action genre.
I adore his work.
It's just a bunch of people
pretending to punch each other.
(scoffs) It's much more
than that, Detective.
It's a chance to escape
your reality for a moment.
Some people need that.
Also, ninjas and tons of nudity
in the first three, so...
He had a drug problem, right?
Well, only if you consider
ingesting millions of dollars'
worth of cocaine a problem.
I call it a Tuesday.
But, apparently,
it's frowned upon.
Yeah, so no studios would
hire him anymore.
Hmm.
No wonder he resorted to
teaching karate in Hollywood.
Yeah.
CHLOE:
Looks like he was living here.
And I thought I fell a long way.
ELLA: Okay, so body temp's
cooled five degrees.
That pegs time of death
around 7:00 a.m.
Doesn't look like there's
any money missing.
No forced entry.
It's not a robbery.
What's the cause of death?
ELLA:
Dude was hit with a...
"nunchuck statue"?
That's a first for me.
"The Golden Nunchuck Award
for Best Fight Sequence, 1998."
So, you think the award
came from the box?
Yep. It's got all of
Wesley's Body Bags 4 swag.
Memorabilia, contracts.
Once I get all this
back to the precinct,
I'll see what I can find.
For the Insta.
No!
No?
Nope.
Not cool.
Uh...
Oh, hold on.
I know who the killer must be.
Who?
The dreaded ninja Ozaki,
from Body Bags 6: Tokyo Fire.
I mean, who else would get
the jump on Wesley Cabot?
(sighs)
I will avenge you.
Who found the body?
A kid.
Said he saw a Hummer
driving away.
Here you go.
Hmm?
I'll see if
he saw a plate.
Hey, Lucifer.
Yes?
So I was wondering...
Okay,
all right, but, uh, we'll need
to be discreet about it,
'cause the detective hates it
when I mix business
with pleasure.
The, uh, bed in there
looks a little skanky,
but I'm up for it if you are.
Uh, wow.
Okay. Yeah.
(chuckles)
Okay.
I mean, no!
Oh.
I was just wondering,
why do you like
this Wesley Cabot guy so much?
Well, he rips men's hearts out,
wipes out entire villages,
never says thank you,
and he's applauded for it.
Oh, him... as opposed to you.
That's right, because you're the
(whispering):
son of God.
Exactly.
(clicks tongue)
Yes.
I get it.
I mean, Stanislavksy
would be very proud of you.
Okay, for the last time,
I am not a method actor.
So method of you to say.
Damn, you are good.
Hey, can you cry on cue?
Sorry, excuse me.
(horn honking)
MAN:
Hello, brother.
LUCIFER:
Ah.
Uriel!
I thought it was you.
Welcome to Earth.
Clearly, I got the fashion sense
in the family.
Word of advice:
I'd lose the trench coat,
'cause as it stands,
it's less cool,
brooding angel,
more sort of
"pedophile chic."
One joke down. One to go.
(chuckles)
Why can't you take anything
seriously, Lucifer?
What do they say?
Laugh like no one's listening?
Dance like you're standing
on the corpses
of your enemies?
And there's the other.
Predictable as ever.
What do you want, Uriel?
I came to you tell you
that you have 24 hours.
I'll bite. 24 hours or what?
Either return here
with Mom,
or I'll finish what I started
with your detective.
The car accident.
You made a deal with Dad.
Time to pay up. So...
bring Mom to me,
or I'll take back what Dad
gave you.
¶ ¶
Uriel is here?
Pleasant aroma and all.
And he's after Chloe?
MAZE:
No.
He's after Chloe
or that classy bitch
you call "Mom."
You made a deal with Daddy.
Time to pay up.
(scoffs)
Uriel can come after
celestial beings like us, yes,
but angels aren't allowed
to kill humans.
Chloe should be safe.
Yes,
but remember, dear brother,
that Uriel can play
with patterns.
He makes a butterfly
flap its wings
and a housewife gets chlamydia.
Or Chloe gets into a seemingly
accidental car wreck.
Correct, for ten points.
Well, too bad there isn't
an easy way
to make this all go away.
Oh, wait, there is.
Send your mom back to Hell.
(chuckles)
A solution
which you
will, no doubt, avoid.
Well, worry not,
my little sex thug, because
Uriel won't be a problem.
We have a nuclear weapon.
What's that?
You.
Well, Uriel doesn't know that
we're working together on this.
We all know he won't
listen to me.
But he will if it's someone
from the home team.
So, you will go and convince him
that he needs to go back.
Or, you know, just punch him
in his smug face.
Dealer's choice.
(chuckling)
God, it's nice
having a super powerful angel
on your side, isn't it?
Good luck with that.
CHLOE:
Huh.
Saved your life.
(chuckling):
Maybe. You never know.
What are you talking about?
Well, it appears
that I was correct this morning.
You are being targeted
by cosmic forces.
But fear not,
it's all being dealt with.
And I'm here.
CHLOE:
Now...
what is with everyone
and this car accident? I'm fine.
No, I'm afraid that you're not.
And so, for the next day or so,
I'm gonna need you to be
unpredictable.
Whatever you'd normally do,
just, you know--
ah, ah--
do the opposite.
Too bad.
I was totally gonna have sex
with you today.
Really?
Oh. Well played, Detective.
(chuckles)
Yes, but until the threat
has passed,
just to be safe,
I won't be leaving your side.
So just think of me
as your Guardian Devil.
(softly):
Okay.
Guys, Wesley Cabot's dead.
I can't believe it.
Oh, God. Not you, too.
Oh, man. Body Bags
1 through 6.
First in line. I mean,
I even skipped out
on some of our wedding planning
to see Body Bags 6. Remember?
That was the big emergency?
It was totally worth it.
It was a great movie.
Yes, it was.
Better catch phrase, wasn't it?
BOTH:
"Not on my watch."
(both chuckling)
Maybe I should get
a catch phrase.
You don't need a catch phrase.
And you.
Do you have anything
constructive to add?
Uh, yep.
Yep, I do.
The boy who, uh, found the body
remembered the first three plate
numbers of the getaway car.
13 matches.
13. That's a lot of legwork.
Jamie Lee Adrienne.
The, uh, the Playmate?
The ex-party girl?
Yeah.
What does she have to do
with Wesley Cabot?
She's his ex-wife. They met
on the set of Body Bags 4.
Apparently , Jamie and
Wesley's divorce proceedings
were very contentious.
Maybe she went
to "renegotiate."
(Lucifer and Dan chuckling)
By "renegotiate",
I mean kill him.
Yeah.
Uh...
Yeah.
I can't believe
Wesley's really gone.
When was the last time
you saw Mr. Cabot?
Um... a few weeks ago.
Maybe.
Interesting.
Then can you explain why
a witness said that they saw you
speeding away from Wesley's
dojo this morning?
Welcome to Devil Time.
What are you doing?
Trying out my
new catch phrase.
"Welcome to
Devil Time"?
What the hell does that mean?
She knows what it means.
I have no idea what that means.
Oh.
Okay, yeah. I...
I was at the dojo this morning.
But it's not what you think.
I went because of this...
WESLEY (on voice mail):
My life is destroyed.
And it all started
with Body Bags 4.
Call me back.
What "started with Body Bags 4"?
I have no idea.
That's why I went
to go see see Wesley.
But he was already dead and...
I panicked and then I ran...
But I swear
I would've never hurt Wesley.
Even though we were divorced,
I really cared about him.
Where were you at 7:00 a.m.
this morning?
With Raphael.
My Pilates instructor.
And how does the Weaponizer
feel about all this?
(whispering):
Who the hell is
the Weaponizer?
He's a character played
by Kimo Van Zandt,
Wesley's co-star
and her current husband.
So you used to be married
to an action star,
only to divorce him
and marry
another action star?
Yeah. It was the '90s.
We did a lot of coke.
Well, how did
your current husband feel
about you visiting your ex?
Oh, that's easy.
Kimo and Wesley
hated each other.
Long-standing feud.
God only knows
what Kimo would've done
if he knew I went to see him.
Where was Kimo this morning?
Uh, at ActionCon in Reno.
Signing autographs.
WESLEY:
Where's my money, partner?
I will end you!
Without Body Bags 4,
you are nothing, man!
How does Body Bags 4
figure into all this?
Well, Wesley, our victim, uh,
was the hero of
the Body Bags franchise.
Ooh, and in Body Bags 4,
newcomer Kimo
Van Zandt appeared.
He played this
shady CIA operative,
who acted as Wesley's foil
and his eventual
ambiguous ally, but...
Then Kimo's character
got spun off into his own,
more successful franchise,
The Weaponizer.
Personal fave:
Weaponizer 4: The Last Arsenal.
So good, right?
At the end, with the whole...
(both imitate explosion)
Okay, I so regret
asking you guys this.
Although, you're oddly adorable.
So, it seems like
Kimo has always
had it out for Wesley.
Stole his wife,
stole his film franchise.
So maybe he really did "end" it
for him once and for all.
But Kimo was in Reno.
At ActionCon.
But that convention
happens the last week in August.
How do you know that?
My mom used to go
to it every year.
So Jamie's lying.
Or Kimo's lying to her.
Either way, we gotta find him.
I'll put out a BOLO.
Okay.
MOM:
Please, hold on. Um...
Again, I apologize that the
children were late for school.
And, yes, I understand
that pants need
to be worn every day, now.
(sighs)
(whimpers)
Ooh!
Rough day?
Oh...
Since returning to my
employment, I have found
the number of daily tasks
to be almost insurmountable.
But hey...
at least you're not here
to take me back to Hell.
You are here to take me
back to Hell?
No, Mom, I'm not.
I'm just...
Listen, I was just wondering
if your being here
is just postponing
the inevitable.
I mean, at some point...
other siblings will come
down here looking for you.
And I'll convince them
to let me stay,
just like I did you and Lucifer.
You were gone
for a really long time, Mom.
You might not know your children
as well as you think you do.
You may be right.
But, at least for now,
I have you and Lucifer.
My brave boys.
So if I'm here on Earth
for two more years...
or two hours...
I will take every moment
that I can get.
("Turn It On Again"
by Max Boogie Overdrive playing)
¶ Little wine, little gin... ¶
CHLOE:
Yeah, the tip said
that we'd find Kimo here.
I guess we have
to just sit tight.
Where did that
sandwich come from?
The patrol guys give them to us
when we're on stakeouts.
I'm starving.
What the hell?
What part of "opposite day"
don't you understand?
It was a random car accident.
(chuckles)
Well, let's agree...
that you're wrong.
What is with you?
Why are you suddenly so
concerned for my well-being?
(door opens)
Oh, m...
Kimo Van Zandt.
In the flesh.
Here we go.
(car lock beeps)
What the hell?
(grunts)
CHLOE:
LAPD!
On the ground, now!
On the ground.
You. Over there.
¶ Turn it on... ¶
HIPSTER:
Dude, no way!
The Weaponizer
just tried to jump me?
¶ Turn it on. ¶
(hipster laughing)
Why did you attack the guy
in the parking lot?
I swear, I wasn't going
to hurt him.
Was he a terrorist
about to plant a bomb?
Leader of a murderous cult,
perhaps?
He must be someone really evil
for the Weaponizer
to get involved.
He's just some guy
in trouble with the Mob.
So they've got his family
and they're forcing him
to kill the president.
No. He's got gambling debts.
H-Hold on.
So you, former A-list,
B-list actor,
you're now breaking
legs for the Mob?
It's to pay the bills.
I'm broke.
(chuckling):
Oh, come now.
Look at me.
You're the Weaponizer.
What is it your badass-kicking
self truly desires, hmm?
For my wife to be happy.
That's why I've been willing
to take any job.
So she won't find out.
She's my...
lighthouse.
What happened to you, man?
Your lighthouse?
Pathetic.
(sighs)
Was killing
Wesley Cabot
another case of leg-breaking
gone awry or what?
No!
I-I'd never hurt Wesley.
We were friends.
Huh.
Could've fooled me.
We had a public rivalry,
but-but it was just
for business.
(scoffs)
In reality,
we share everything.
The same managers,
agents, lawyers...
Wives?
I'm not proud
of how it went down with Jamie,
but we fell in love.
And Wesley forgave me.
We even kept our friendship
secret from Jamie
so it wouldn't be weird.
Then where were you
this morning at 7:00 a.m.?
We know it wasn't ActionCon.
I was
signing stuff
at a small comic book store.
I lied to Jamie
because I don't want her to know
how bad it's gotten.
Detective.
Yeah.
You should look
at this.
(sighs)
Your prints were
on the murder weapon.
Kimo Van Zandt,
you're under arrest
for the murder
of Wesley Cabot.
N-No. No!
No!
¶ ¶
LUCIFER:
I don't think he did it.
Why? 'Cause he's
the Weaponizer?
The Weaponizer once bit
a man's ear off
for looking at him funny--
this puddle of whine
doesn't have it in him anymore.
He breaks legs
for the Mob.
Yes, but he's not a killer.
All he cares about is
his well-preserved wife.
Maybe he can get a jury
to buy that. I don't.
And, personally, I'm happy
the judge set his bail
at half a million.
Now Dan has time
to check his alibi,
and...
(indistinct chatter)
I thought he was broke.
Oh, I paid his bail.
Even in this woeful,
pathetic state,
the Weaponizer does not
spend one minute in jail.
"Not on my watch."
(chuckles) See what
I did there, with the...
I literally don't know what
to say to you right now.
(chuckles)
Mr. Morningstar.
Yes.
Uh, Ryan Goldburg,
uh, Kimo's
business manager.
I wanted to thank you
for making his bail.
Uh, you know, Kimo sure as hell
couldn't pay it himself.
Oh, it's the least
I could do
for a true national treasure.
CHLOE:
So, for someone
with so many
hit movies under their belt,
why is he so broke?
Exotic cars. Private islands.
You know what costs more
than an albino tiger?
The upkeep on an albino tiger.
He blew through
his money.
Didn't listen.
And now there's no more
coming in.
Thanks again.
Yes.
Such a tragedy.
Well, it's always a tragedy
when someone gets killed.
No, I'm talking about his tiger.
I would have bought it
if I'd known.
Why isn't Dan
checking the alibi?
Dan...
(siren wailing in distance)
I want to talk about Uriel.
Well, what's there
to talk about?
Punch, taunt, punch,
groin stomp. Repeat.
Yeah, listen, Luci,
I've been thinking,
there might be a better way
to handle this without violence.
What, like hugging him
back to Heaven?
Like hiding Mom.
Hiding Chloe.
And wait Uriel out.
What?
Look, just because
he told us his plan
doesn't mean
that's his plan.
It's Uriel.
It could be a trap.
Brother,
you've been here too long.
It's changed you.
What do you mean?
Meaning that ever since
you've been here,
you've had to restrain yourself.
But this is Uriel. You're you.
Amenadiel. Firstborn.
Unleash yourself.
Enjoy it.
(sighs)
Look, you do know that
he was always afraid of you.
Don't mock me, Lucifer.
I'm not. It's true.
All right?
Growing up, we...
well, we all looked up to you.
You were like our
very own action star.
Even you?
Well, don't get
me wrong. You were
a major power-hungry
dick about it.
But trust me.
Just the sight of you will send
quivers down Uriel's spine.
You're right.
All he needs to see is me
in all of my glory.
And there's that angelic
ego I'm talking about.
Right.
You know what to do.
¶ ¶
AMENADIEL:
Uriel.
Amenadiel.
It's good to see you,
little brother.
You're a welcome sight
for sore eyes.
I am?
Of course you are.
(sighs)
But, Uri, you must go home.
I really do have
everything under control.
Are you sure?
Lucifer's still on Earth.
Now Mom's here, too.
Uh... It almost looks like
you're in over your head.
But don't worry.
I'm here to help.
Yeah.
You really think
I need your help?
You.
Pathetic,
small Uriel.
Not the eldest son.
Not the young rebel.
But an angel buried somewhere
deep in the middle.
Lost in the crowd
of your betters.
That is not...
If God wants something done,
he sends me, Uri.
Me.
Not you.
I am Amenadiel.
The fury
and the righteousness
of our father.
And you, little brother,
are standing in my way.
Okay. You're right.
I'm sorry.
I'll return home.
You know what?
Something's bothering me.
I knew it.
"Fury of God"
doesn't usually talk so much.
More a man of action.
Amenadiel, at full strength,
I could never beat this easily.
Something's happened to you.
(grunts)
I saw this coming,
you know.
I mean, not this exactly,
because patterns
are never that precise,
but your pride
was always gonna
be your undoing.
After all, the
bigger they are...
Well, I think even you
can guess what comes next.
I'm glad you came
instead of Lucifer.
And I've waited so long
for this.
Forgive me if I enjoy it.
¶ ¶
So did Kimo's alibi check out?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah. According to the owner
of the comic book store,
Kimo was there all morning,
signing merchandise.
So you had to confiscate all
these toys just to tell me that?
Uh, yeah. Yeah,
it's a visual aid.
Right.
Look, those dolls, they're
selling like hotcakes.
The owner said that
ever since Body Bags started
streaming on Netflix,
he can't keep them in stock.
And that relates
to the murder how?
Well, at the scene,
Wesley was going over all
of his old Body Bags 4 stuff.
Mm-hmm.
Including his old contract,
says he's entitled
to one percent
of all merchandising
revenue. It's not much.
So I had the studio send over
a copy of their contract.
Mm-hmm.
Look at that.
Says Wesley should be
getting ten percent.
Yeah. I also took a look at
Kimo Van Zandt's contract.
Same thing happened to him.
Kimo and Wesley shared
everything. Wives, agents...
business managers.
Ryan Goldburg.
Ryan Goldburg.
Wesley figured out Ryan's
scam, confronted him,
and then Ryan killed him
to keep him quiet.
Yeah. But how did
he get Kimo's prints
on the murder weapon so
that he could frame him?
I'm gonna ask him.
All right. You coming?
No, no. You got this covered.
What? You've been
attached to me all day
and now that we may have
figured out who killed Wesley,
you're just leaving?
Yes. Well, by now, the threat
to you should've passed.
But just in case, I've some
family business to attend to.
All right?
Fine. I'll go alone.
It's like,
get a room already, right?
What?
Too soon?
Sorry.
So, um... how-how's
the... the case going?
It's fine.
Yeah, it looks like
the money manager did it.
Tried to frame Kimo Van Zandt.
Don't know how yet.
Man, killed by your
own weird award.
That's gotta suck.
It was actually...
(chuckles)
It was really, really touching
when they got it.
When they got it.
There were two awards.
Thanks. What are
you talking about?
There were two awards,
because a fight
takes two people.
One of the awards
was given to Wesley...
And one to Kimo.
Someone must've
switched out his
award for Wesley's.
That's why Kimo's
prints were on it.
Jamie Lee Adrienne
was at the dojo.
Maybe she had access
to Kimo's award.
Maybe she's working with Ryan.
Okay, you find Jamie,
(elevator bell dings)
I'll get the business manager.
His office said
he's having lunch at
the Ignacia Hotel.
Ah! Right, let me just
make myself comfy
because I cannot wait
to hear how you sent
Urinal packing.
(chuckles)
And please do not skimp on any
of the gory details.
MAZE: This would
never have happened
if you'd listened
to me earlier.
(scoffs)
How is this possible, brother?
I no longer have my powers.
Well, what happened to them?
Oh, I don't know, Luci,
pick a sin.
Is it because I released
a damned soul from Hell?
Slept with a demon? Is it
because I'm working with you?
Or because of Mom?
Or am I simply no longer worthy?
(sniffles)
It's time that I faced
the truth, brother.
I've fallen.
Well.
Welcome to the club.
Meetings are on Tuesdays.
It's different
for me, Luci.
It's different.
I no longer have my powers.
My very strength...
Big deal!
It's probably the best thing
that ever happened to you.
But right now I haven't
got time to hold your hand,
because I need to
clear up your mess!
My mess?
Uriel's still
out there.
And the clock is up--
which means the detective
is in grave danger.
¶ It's a state of mind ¶
¶ It's a state of grace ¶
¶ Close your eyes ¶
¶ Drift away ¶
¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶
¶ Everybody needs a little ¶
¶ California ¶
¶ I can be your California ¶
(horn honking)
Are you serious?
What? You wear the orange vest,
you can do whatever you want?!
¶ ¶
¶ You can visit
but you cannot stay ¶
¶ Well, I could be
your California baby ¶
¶ And we could be
a flawed paradise ¶
¶ Nothing perfect
lasts forever ¶
¶ But, baby,
wouldn't that be nice ¶
¶ Ah, ah, ah ¶
¶ Ooh ¶
¶ Ooh, ooh ¶
¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ¶
¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ¶
(barking)
WOMAN: Stop it!
Why are you barking now?
What is wrong with you?
(continues barking)
Oh! I am your mother!
Sort of.
Did you make
one of them
your pet?
I figured out
the husband,
then it was the job,
now it's the children.
(exhales): This is supposed
to be a time out
(barking continues)
to teach you a lesson!
I don't think that's
how time outs work.
(barking)
(deep growl)
Mommy, I'm sorry.
Maybe you're not
so bad after all.
We need to talk.
¶ Baby, please believe me ¶
¶ I can't be tempted ¶
¶ No more ¶
¶ I got it out of ¶
¶ The system... ¶
What?
Detective Decker.
What are you doing here?
I could ask you two
the same thing.
Uh, we're just having
a business meeting.
Yeah.
Mm.
You make out
with all your clients?
What's the occasion?
You celebrating
the successful theft of Wesley
and Kimo's merchandising money?
I would never steal
from my clients.
Oh, you are clever, Ryan.
What is she talking
about, Ryan?
What I'm talking about
is how Wesley realized
his action figures
were selling like hotcakes,
did some investigating,
and saw that
he was getting robbed.
I think you should go.
Unfortunately
for Wesley,
he shared his concerns
about his business manager
with his ex-wife, who happened
to be sleeping with him.
And that voice mail
that you played for us,
that's what started this,
and that's what got him killed.
He did it!
He's the one
who killed Wesley!
What?!
No, it was her idea!
It was her idea to switch out
the Nunchuck Award,
cover it in blood...
Don't shoot!
KIMO:
You stole from me,
killed Wesley,
then you tried
to frame me for it?!
Kimo...
I cared about
both of you!
(screams)
No, please!
Kimo...
put the gun down. Please.
They murdered Wesley.
And they will pay for that,
I promise you.
But don't let them ruin
your life, too, Kimo. Please.
My life is already ruined.
Get out of the way.
No.
I'll shoot you!
I don't care anymore!
LUCIFER:
Kimo!
CHLOE: Lucifer,
stay back.
Guys, stand down.
Detective, you don't know
what you're up against.
This was engineered
to put you in harm's way.
You must believe me.
Lucifer,
I know exactly
what I'm up against.
It's just a man...
who's in a lot of pain.
Kimo, a couple
days ago
I was in a really bad
car accident.
And I've spent the last few days
trying to convince everybody
that cares about me
that it wasn't
a big deal.
The truth is...
I'm terrified.
I'm scared of how
it can all just end...
with no rhyme or reason.
And what I want
to do right now
is just go home
and read a bedtime story
to my daughter.
But... you know...
that's not up to me, either.
We can't control
what happens to us,
only how it affects us
and the choices we make.
So, please.
Make the right choice, Kimo.
Please put down the gun.
(sirens wailing)
(exhales)
(whispering):
Thank you.
Well, well done, Detective.
Kimo was about to do
a very bad thing.
Oh, well, not on my watch.
(chuckles) Very good.
Let me escort you back
to the station.
No... I'm-I'm okay.
You know, I don't
believe in fate.
And I don't believe in bad luck.
And I appreciate your concern,
but come what may.
I am leaving here... alone.
Very well.
But just... buckle up,
Detective, please.
(sighs)
Right. Now, if
you'll excuse me.
There's something
I need to deal with.
¶ Don't you feel ¶
¶ How I call your name ¶
¶ Calm you with my hand ¶
¶ While you're in the shade ¶
¶ I can't move. ¶
Lucifer.
Mum.
I'm letting Uriel
take me back to Hell.
(scoffs)
Well, there's no need
to overreact, Mother.
MAZE:
Let her go.
It's the right move.
Right. Of course.
Remind me at some point
to give you a refresher
on the meaning of loyalty.
MAZE:
It's what's best
for everyone.
She goes back to Hell,
where she belongs;
Chloe is safe,
and I don't have to clean up
your mess anymore.
More importantly,
you get to keep your word.
I am keeping my word.
You're serving out your sentence
here on Earth.
You know that's not
what your Father wanted.
Do I?!
Everyone thinks
they know what He wants.
Amenadiel did when he first
got here, now Uriel does.
Human wars have been waged
because of it.
Dad showed me
an open door.
Does that mean I was meant
to take you back to Hell
or was he insinuating
that Hell was getting drafty?
Nobody bloody knows,
because the selfish bastard
won't just tell us!
And I'm sick of it.
No more.
No more.
There's my Lightbringer.
My Morningstar.
Uriel was so small
when he was a child.
All he ever wanted was to play
with you and the older kids.
But you all excluded him.
Yes.
And every time he came back,
pestering us again.
Which is strange,
considering he knew
what the outcome would be.
That's how much he wanted
to be around you, Lucifer.
Uriel is a
stubborn boy.
When he sets his mind,
it doesn't waver.
He's not going to
give up until he has
either me or
that detective.
Mum...
I refuse to believe that.
There is always another way.
If anyone can find it,
it's you.
¶ 2,000 years I've ¶
¶ Been in that water ¶
¶ 2,000 years ¶
¶ Sunk like a stone ¶
¶ Desperately reaching
for nets ¶
¶ That the fishermen
have thrown ¶
¶ I'm trying to find ¶
¶ A little bit of hope ¶
For a brief moment,
the pattern faltered.
I thought it meant
you'd actually bring Mom.
That somehow, you'd surprise me.
'Cause for once in my life,
I'd like to be surprised,
but no.
No, here you are.
Are you done hiding behind
our big brother's skirt?
(short chuckle)
Yes, it's just me now.
Big, bad Lucifer.
We've already had this fight
before, Lucifer.
Right here.
You see, in my head,
I've seen everything you do.
I've heard every
dumb quip you have to say.
Right, let
me guess--
in your version,
I deliver Mom to you,
apologizing, tears
streaming down my face.
Actually, no.
In my version,
you refuse to give Mom up
and your human friend dies.
Yes, you've tried that
twice now.
Not much luck.
Maybe you're not as good
at this as you thought.
Maybe I'm building up
to a big finale.
All right.
Uriel...
you don't know what Dad wants.
None of us do.
So I think...
You're right.
I don't know what Dad wants.
None of us do.
Right.
Great, well, I'm glad
we had this talk.
I'll see you at the next
family reunion.
I'll buy the first round.
But I do know
what he needs.
Mom's out.
It's only a matter of time
before she
finds her way back to Heaven,
and then he'll forgive her.
He would never do that.
Why not?
You did.
She's been here, like,
what-- three minutes?
Now you're already
defending her.
Dad'll do the same thing.
He'll let His guard down.
And then she'll destroy Him.
I need to make sure
that doesn't happen.
That's Azrael's Blade.
How do you have it?
I borrowed it
off the Angel of Death
when she wasn't looking.
You're not planning on
taking Mom back to Hell.
That weapon will wipe her
out of existence entirely.
No Heaven, no Hell, just...
just gone.
Finally, a moment
of clarity between us.
You've gone completely
insane, brother.
I'm doing
what has to be done,
and you've run out of time.
See, I don't care
about your deal with Dad.
I don't care about what happens
to your little human.
But it's obvious
you care for her
a tad more than you do Mom.
Now, all I need to do
is hit this
one little key right here.
A sequence will begin,
and two days from now...
your cute little human
will finally die.
So, Lucifer,
you can either let that happen
or you can give me Mom.
Last chance.
You choose.
Very well.
Well, you didn't see
that coming, did you?
Eh?
Actually, I did
see it coming.
(grunting)
I mean, I knew
you were gonna attack.
I just wasn't sure how.
Patterns are tricky like that.
Takes time to get
a real sense of them.
I needed to study you a bit.
Took much less time
than I expected.
Aah!
You're lucky I'd never
use Azrael's Blade
on you, brother.
Why don't you pick on a girl?
But I have no qualms
about using it on a filthy,
scum-sucking demon.
You haven't
disappointed, Mazikeen.
Your patterns
were tough to see.
Aah!
But still predictable
nonetheless.
Because you made it
so difficult,
now I'm gonna take out Mom
and the detective.
You can't stop me, brother.
I didn't see that coming.
(whispers)
What did he say?
I... I couldn't understand.
Prick got what
he deserved.
He was my brother.
¶ When, when, when ¶
¶ Will we meet ¶
¶ When I'm outside the station ¶
CHLOE:
"As the first stars came out,
"Coraline finally allowed
herself to drift into sleep.
"while the gentle upstairs
music of the mouse circus
"spilled out onto
the warm evening air,
telling the world that
the summer was almost done."
Read it again.
You want me to read it again?
Okay, baby.
"Coraline discovered the door
"a little while after they
moved into the house...
¶ Will I run ¶
What happened?
¶ The branches from the tree ¶
¶ For me, for me ¶
¶ For me ¶
Where's Uriel?
¶ The old life is over ¶
Oh...
(gasps)
What have I done?
No... No, no, no.
¶ When, when, when ¶
¶ Will we meet ¶
¶ Will you turn round
and face me ¶
¶ The old life is over ¶
¶ The old life is over. ¶
So, we're still good
to be roomies, right?
What are you talking about,
roomies?
We shook on it.
You shall remain
right here,
on Earth, amongst the creatures
you so despise.
Existing in this punishment
allows me to be
closer to my family.
You made a deal to return Mom
to Hell.
In exchange, Chloe's life
was spared.
You still haven't delivered
on your end of the bargain.
If you're so concerned,
why don't you just
fly Mum back to Hell?
AMENADIEL:
Because I can't!
(yelling)
What if Dad decides to...
take back his side of the deal?
("Time Is on My Side"
by the Rolling Stones playing)
¶ Time is on my side ¶
¶ Yes, it is ¶
¶ Time is on my side ¶
¶ Yes, it is ¶
¶ Now, you always say ¶
¶ That you want to be free ¶
¶ But you'll come running back ¶
¶ Like I said you would, baby ¶
¶ You'll come running back ¶
¶ Spend the rest of my life
with you, baby ¶
¶ You'll come running back... ¶
(yells)
Son of a biscuit!
Dylan!
Dylan...
How many times have I told you
to pick up that
stupid skateboard!
I am not your maid!
God, why the hell is
your panties in a bunch?
Don't you talk to me like that!
You are grounded, young man!
I'm going camping with Tyler!
No, you're not.
Go to your room! Grounded!
(yells)
Don't waste food!
Get out of here!
You're ruining my life!
No, no. Not through there,
the dog's in there!
(barking)
¶ Time, time,
time is on my side ¶
(tires screeching)
¶ Yes, it is ¶
(horn blaring)
¶ Time, time,
time is on my side. ¶
CHLOE:
It was a random car crash.
Are you certain?
Yes.
But you didn't see anything
strange or out of the ordinary?
Like I told you at the hospital
and several times before that,
no.
What's going on with you?
(sighs)
Well, there's a miniscule,
albeit highly unlikely, chance
that your car accident
was a result of my father
trying to send me a message.
Lucifer, it was
a freak accident.
A dog ran into the middle
of the road.
You had nothing to do with it.
Right. Okay.
Well, you're about to be
in another disastrous wreck
that is avoidable.
What?
Living with Maze.
Potential for sexy pillow
fights notwithstanding,
you and Maze are like snow pants
and elephants.
You don't mix.
Maze and I
have become friends.
Sort of.
And I think it's gonna be fine.
Oh, really?
With a short adjustment period.
Mm.
(phone ringing)
Yeah. What is that?
Decker.
Yeah, what's the address?
TRIXIE:
Hi, Lucifer.
Ah, um, toys.
In there. Go.
Yes.
Thank you.
Can you read this
to me, Mommy?
(sighs)
No, Monkey.
I just got a new case.
You have to get to school.
And besides,
that's your bedtime story.
I'll read that to you tonight.
No, read it to me now!
This-- best birth control
in the world.
CHLOE:
Come here.
What's going on, kiddo?
Landa says your job's
really dangerous.
That cops get hurt all the time.
I don't want you to get hurt.
Oh, baby.
The car accident was just that--
an accident.
And Mommy's job can
be dangerous, but
I'm really careful, okay?
I'm not gonna get hurt.
I love you, Mom.
Oh, I love you so much.
I love you.
Oh, no, actually, this
is better birth control.
(groans)
¶ ¶
CHLOE:
Hey, Ella.
Hey.
All right, any I.D.
on the victim?
Uh, yep.
His name is...
It's Wesley Cabot!
What? How do you
know that?
How do I know th--
Star of the
Body Bags movies.
Eighth-degree black belt.
Absolute icon
in the action genre.
I adore his work.
It's just a bunch of people
pretending to punch each other.
(scoffs) It's much more
than that, Detective.
It's a chance to escape
your reality for a moment.
Some people need that.
Also, ninjas and tons of nudity
in the first three, so...
He had a drug problem, right?
Well, only if you consider
ingesting millions of dollars'
worth of cocaine a problem.
I call it a Tuesday.
But, apparently,
it's frowned upon.
Yeah, so no studios would
hire him anymore.
Hmm.
No wonder he resorted to
teaching karate in Hollywood.
Yeah.
CHLOE:
Looks like he was living here.
And I thought I fell a long way.
ELLA: Okay, so body temp's
cooled five degrees.
That pegs time of death
around 7:00 a.m.
Doesn't look like there's
any money missing.
No forced entry.
It's not a robbery.
What's the cause of death?
ELLA:
Dude was hit with a...
"nunchuck statue"?
That's a first for me.
"The Golden Nunchuck Award
for Best Fight Sequence, 1998."
So, you think the award
came from the box?
Yep. It's got all of
Wesley's Body Bags 4 swag.
Memorabilia, contracts.
Once I get all this
back to the precinct,
I'll see what I can find.
For the Insta.
No!
No?
Nope.
Not cool.
Uh...
Oh, hold on.
I know who the killer must be.
Who?
The dreaded ninja Ozaki,
from Body Bags 6: Tokyo Fire.
I mean, who else would get
the jump on Wesley Cabot?
(sighs)
I will avenge you.
Who found the body?
A kid.
Said he saw a Hummer
driving away.
Here you go.
Hmm?
I'll see if
he saw a plate.
Hey, Lucifer.
Yes?
So I was wondering...
Okay,
all right, but, uh, we'll need
to be discreet about it,
'cause the detective hates it
when I mix business
with pleasure.
The, uh, bed in there
looks a little skanky,
but I'm up for it if you are.
Uh, wow.
Okay. Yeah.
(chuckles)
Okay.
I mean, no!
Oh.
I was just wondering,
why do you like
this Wesley Cabot guy so much?
Well, he rips men's hearts out,
wipes out entire villages,
never says thank you,
and he's applauded for it.
Oh, him... as opposed to you.
That's right, because you're the
(whispering):
son of God.
Exactly.
(clicks tongue)
Yes.
I get it.
I mean, Stanislavksy
would be very proud of you.
Okay, for the last time,
I am not a method actor.
So method of you to say.
Damn, you are good.
Hey, can you cry on cue?
Sorry, excuse me.
(horn honking)
MAN:
Hello, brother.
LUCIFER:
Ah.
Uriel!
I thought it was you.
Welcome to Earth.
Clearly, I got the fashion sense
in the family.
Word of advice:
I'd lose the trench coat,
'cause as it stands,
it's less cool,
brooding angel,
more sort of
"pedophile chic."
One joke down. One to go.
(chuckles)
Why can't you take anything
seriously, Lucifer?
What do they say?
Laugh like no one's listening?
Dance like you're standing
on the corpses
of your enemies?
And there's the other.
Predictable as ever.
What do you want, Uriel?
I came to you tell you
that you have 24 hours.
I'll bite. 24 hours or what?
Either return here
with Mom,
or I'll finish what I started
with your detective.
The car accident.
You made a deal with Dad.
Time to pay up. So...
bring Mom to me,
or I'll take back what Dad
gave you.
¶ ¶
Uriel is here?
Pleasant aroma and all.
And he's after Chloe?
MAZE:
No.
He's after Chloe
or that classy bitch
you call "Mom."
You made a deal with Daddy.
Time to pay up.
(scoffs)
Uriel can come after
celestial beings like us, yes,
but angels aren't allowed
to kill humans.
Chloe should be safe.
Yes,
but remember, dear brother,
that Uriel can play
with patterns.
He makes a butterfly
flap its wings
and a housewife gets chlamydia.
Or Chloe gets into a seemingly
accidental car wreck.
Correct, for ten points.
Well, too bad there isn't
an easy way
to make this all go away.
Oh, wait, there is.
Send your mom back to Hell.
(chuckles)
A solution
which you
will, no doubt, avoid.
Well, worry not,
my little sex thug, because
Uriel won't be a problem.
We have a nuclear weapon.
What's that?
You.
Well, Uriel doesn't know that
we're working together on this.
We all know he won't
listen to me.
But he will if it's someone
from the home team.
So, you will go and convince him
that he needs to go back.
Or, you know, just punch him
in his smug face.
Dealer's choice.
(chuckling)
God, it's nice
having a super powerful angel
on your side, isn't it?
Good luck with that.
CHLOE:
Huh.
Saved your life.
(chuckling):
Maybe. You never know.
What are you talking about?
Well, it appears
that I was correct this morning.
You are being targeted
by cosmic forces.
But fear not,
it's all being dealt with.
And I'm here.
CHLOE:
Now...
what is with everyone
and this car accident? I'm fine.
No, I'm afraid that you're not.
And so, for the next day or so,
I'm gonna need you to be
unpredictable.
Whatever you'd normally do,
just, you know--
ah, ah--
do the opposite.
Too bad.
I was totally gonna have sex
with you today.
Really?
Oh. Well played, Detective.
(chuckles)
Yes, but until the threat
has passed,
just to be safe,
I won't be leaving your side.
So just think of me
as your Guardian Devil.
(softly):
Okay.
Guys, Wesley Cabot's dead.
I can't believe it.
Oh, God. Not you, too.
Oh, man. Body Bags
1 through 6.
First in line. I mean,
I even skipped out
on some of our wedding planning
to see Body Bags 6. Remember?
That was the big emergency?
It was totally worth it.
It was a great movie.
Yes, it was.
Better catch phrase, wasn't it?
BOTH:
"Not on my watch."
(both chuckling)
Maybe I should get
a catch phrase.
You don't need a catch phrase.
And you.
Do you have anything
constructive to add?
Uh, yep.
Yep, I do.
The boy who, uh, found the body
remembered the first three plate
numbers of the getaway car.
13 matches.
13. That's a lot of legwork.
Jamie Lee Adrienne.
The, uh, the Playmate?
The ex-party girl?
Yeah.
What does she have to do
with Wesley Cabot?
She's his ex-wife. They met
on the set of Body Bags 4.
Apparently , Jamie and
Wesley's divorce proceedings
were very contentious.
Maybe she went
to "renegotiate."
(Lucifer and Dan chuckling)
By "renegotiate",
I mean kill him.
Yeah.
Uh...
Yeah.
I can't believe
Wesley's really gone.
When was the last time
you saw Mr. Cabot?
Um... a few weeks ago.
Maybe.
Interesting.
Then can you explain why
a witness said that they saw you
speeding away from Wesley's
dojo this morning?
Welcome to Devil Time.
What are you doing?
Trying out my
new catch phrase.
"Welcome to
Devil Time"?
What the hell does that mean?
She knows what it means.
I have no idea what that means.
Oh.
Okay, yeah. I...
I was at the dojo this morning.
But it's not what you think.
I went because of this...
WESLEY (on voice mail):
My life is destroyed.
And it all started
with Body Bags 4.
Call me back.
What "started with Body Bags 4"?
I have no idea.
That's why I went
to go see see Wesley.
But he was already dead and...
I panicked and then I ran...
But I swear
I would've never hurt Wesley.
Even though we were divorced,
I really cared about him.
Where were you at 7:00 a.m.
this morning?
With Raphael.
My Pilates instructor.
And how does the Weaponizer
feel about all this?
(whispering):
Who the hell is
the Weaponizer?
He's a character played
by Kimo Van Zandt,
Wesley's co-star
and her current husband.
So you used to be married
to an action star,
only to divorce him
and marry
another action star?
Yeah. It was the '90s.
We did a lot of coke.
Well, how did
your current husband feel
about you visiting your ex?
Oh, that's easy.
Kimo and Wesley
hated each other.
Long-standing feud.
God only knows
what Kimo would've done
if he knew I went to see him.
Where was Kimo this morning?
Uh, at ActionCon in Reno.
Signing autographs.
WESLEY:
Where's my money, partner?
I will end you!
Without Body Bags 4,
you are nothing, man!
How does Body Bags 4
figure into all this?
Well, Wesley, our victim, uh,
was the hero of
the Body Bags franchise.
Ooh, and in Body Bags 4,
newcomer Kimo
Van Zandt appeared.
He played this
shady CIA operative,
who acted as Wesley's foil
and his eventual
ambiguous ally, but...
Then Kimo's character
got spun off into his own,
more successful franchise,
The Weaponizer.
Personal fave:
Weaponizer 4: The Last Arsenal.
So good, right?
At the end, with the whole...
(both imitate explosion)
Okay, I so regret
asking you guys this.
Although, you're oddly adorable.
So, it seems like
Kimo has always
had it out for Wesley.
Stole his wife,
stole his film franchise.
So maybe he really did "end" it
for him once and for all.
But Kimo was in Reno.
At ActionCon.
But that convention
happens the last week in August.
How do you know that?
My mom used to go
to it every year.
So Jamie's lying.
Or Kimo's lying to her.
Either way, we gotta find him.
I'll put out a BOLO.
Okay.
MOM:
Please, hold on. Um...
Again, I apologize that the
children were late for school.
And, yes, I understand
that pants need
to be worn every day, now.
(sighs)
(whimpers)
Ooh!
Rough day?
Oh...
Since returning to my
employment, I have found
the number of daily tasks
to be almost insurmountable.
But hey...
at least you're not here
to take me back to Hell.
You are here to take me
back to Hell?
No, Mom, I'm not.
I'm just...
Listen, I was just wondering
if your being here
is just postponing
the inevitable.
I mean, at some point...
other siblings will come
down here looking for you.
And I'll convince them
to let me stay,
just like I did you and Lucifer.
You were gone
for a really long time, Mom.
You might not know your children
as well as you think you do.
You may be right.
But, at least for now,
I have you and Lucifer.
My brave boys.
So if I'm here on Earth
for two more years...
or two hours...
I will take every moment
that I can get.
("Turn It On Again"
by Max Boogie Overdrive playing)
¶ Little wine, little gin... ¶
CHLOE:
Yeah, the tip said
that we'd find Kimo here.
I guess we have
to just sit tight.
Where did that
sandwich come from?
The patrol guys give them to us
when we're on stakeouts.
I'm starving.
What the hell?
What part of "opposite day"
don't you understand?
It was a random car accident.
(chuckles)
Well, let's agree...
that you're wrong.
What is with you?
Why are you suddenly so
concerned for my well-being?
(door opens)
Oh, m...
Kimo Van Zandt.
In the flesh.
Here we go.
(car lock beeps)
What the hell?
(grunts)
CHLOE:
LAPD!
On the ground, now!
On the ground.
You. Over there.
¶ Turn it on... ¶
HIPSTER:
Dude, no way!
The Weaponizer
just tried to jump me?
¶ Turn it on. ¶
(hipster laughing)
Why did you attack the guy
in the parking lot?
I swear, I wasn't going
to hurt him.
Was he a terrorist
about to plant a bomb?
Leader of a murderous cult,
perhaps?
He must be someone really evil
for the Weaponizer
to get involved.
He's just some guy
in trouble with the Mob.
So they've got his family
and they're forcing him
to kill the president.
No. He's got gambling debts.
H-Hold on.
So you, former A-list,
B-list actor,
you're now breaking
legs for the Mob?
It's to pay the bills.
I'm broke.
(chuckling):
Oh, come now.
Look at me.
You're the Weaponizer.
What is it your badass-kicking
self truly desires, hmm?
For my wife to be happy.
That's why I've been willing
to take any job.
So she won't find out.
She's my...
lighthouse.
What happened to you, man?
Your lighthouse?
Pathetic.
(sighs)
Was killing
Wesley Cabot
another case of leg-breaking
gone awry or what?
No!
I-I'd never hurt Wesley.
We were friends.
Huh.
Could've fooled me.
We had a public rivalry,
but-but it was just
for business.
(scoffs)
In reality,
we share everything.
The same managers,
agents, lawyers...
Wives?
I'm not proud
of how it went down with Jamie,
but we fell in love.
And Wesley forgave me.
We even kept our friendship
secret from Jamie
so it wouldn't be weird.
Then where were you
this morning at 7:00 a.m.?
We know it wasn't ActionCon.
I was
signing stuff
at a small comic book store.
I lied to Jamie
because I don't want her to know
how bad it's gotten.
Detective.
Yeah.
You should look
at this.
(sighs)
Your prints were
on the murder weapon.
Kimo Van Zandt,
you're under arrest
for the murder
of Wesley Cabot.
N-No. No!
No!
¶ ¶
LUCIFER:
I don't think he did it.
Why? 'Cause he's
the Weaponizer?
The Weaponizer once bit
a man's ear off
for looking at him funny--
this puddle of whine
doesn't have it in him anymore.
He breaks legs
for the Mob.
Yes, but he's not a killer.
All he cares about is
his well-preserved wife.
Maybe he can get a jury
to buy that. I don't.
And, personally, I'm happy
the judge set his bail
at half a million.
Now Dan has time
to check his alibi,
and...
(indistinct chatter)
I thought he was broke.
Oh, I paid his bail.
Even in this woeful,
pathetic state,
the Weaponizer does not
spend one minute in jail.
"Not on my watch."
(chuckles) See what
I did there, with the...
I literally don't know what
to say to you right now.
(chuckles)
Mr. Morningstar.
Yes.
Uh, Ryan Goldburg,
uh, Kimo's
business manager.
I wanted to thank you
for making his bail.
Uh, you know, Kimo sure as hell
couldn't pay it himself.
Oh, it's the least
I could do
for a true national treasure.
CHLOE:
So, for someone
with so many
hit movies under their belt,
why is he so broke?
Exotic cars. Private islands.
You know what costs more
than an albino tiger?
The upkeep on an albino tiger.
He blew through
his money.
Didn't listen.
And now there's no more
coming in.
Thanks again.
Yes.
Such a tragedy.
Well, it's always a tragedy
when someone gets killed.
No, I'm talking about his tiger.
I would have bought it
if I'd known.
Why isn't Dan
checking the alibi?
Dan...
(siren wailing in distance)
I want to talk about Uriel.
Well, what's there
to talk about?
Punch, taunt, punch,
groin stomp. Repeat.
Yeah, listen, Luci,
I've been thinking,
there might be a better way
to handle this without violence.
What, like hugging him
back to Heaven?
Like hiding Mom.
Hiding Chloe.
And wait Uriel out.
What?
Look, just because
he told us his plan
doesn't mean
that's his plan.
It's Uriel.
It could be a trap.
Brother,
you've been here too long.
It's changed you.
What do you mean?
Meaning that ever since
you've been here,
you've had to restrain yourself.
But this is Uriel. You're you.
Amenadiel. Firstborn.
Unleash yourself.
Enjoy it.
(sighs)
Look, you do know that
he was always afraid of you.
Don't mock me, Lucifer.
I'm not. It's true.
All right?
Growing up, we...
well, we all looked up to you.
You were like our
very own action star.
Even you?
Well, don't get
me wrong. You were
a major power-hungry
dick about it.
But trust me.
Just the sight of you will send
quivers down Uriel's spine.
You're right.
All he needs to see is me
in all of my glory.
And there's that angelic
ego I'm talking about.
Right.
You know what to do.
¶ ¶
AMENADIEL:
Uriel.
Amenadiel.
It's good to see you,
little brother.
You're a welcome sight
for sore eyes.
I am?
Of course you are.
(sighs)
But, Uri, you must go home.
I really do have
everything under control.
Are you sure?
Lucifer's still on Earth.
Now Mom's here, too.
Uh... It almost looks like
you're in over your head.
But don't worry.
I'm here to help.
Yeah.
You really think
I need your help?
You.
Pathetic,
small Uriel.
Not the eldest son.
Not the young rebel.
But an angel buried somewhere
deep in the middle.
Lost in the crowd
of your betters.
That is not...
If God wants something done,
he sends me, Uri.
Me.
Not you.
I am Amenadiel.
The fury
and the righteousness
of our father.
And you, little brother,
are standing in my way.
Okay. You're right.
I'm sorry.
I'll return home.
You know what?
Something's bothering me.
I knew it.
"Fury of God"
doesn't usually talk so much.
More a man of action.
Amenadiel, at full strength,
I could never beat this easily.
Something's happened to you.
(grunts)
I saw this coming,
you know.
I mean, not this exactly,
because patterns
are never that precise,
but your pride
was always gonna
be your undoing.
After all, the
bigger they are...
Well, I think even you
can guess what comes next.
I'm glad you came
instead of Lucifer.
And I've waited so long
for this.
Forgive me if I enjoy it.
¶ ¶
So did Kimo's alibi check out?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah. According to the owner
of the comic book store,
Kimo was there all morning,
signing merchandise.
So you had to confiscate all
these toys just to tell me that?
Uh, yeah. Yeah,
it's a visual aid.
Right.
Look, those dolls, they're
selling like hotcakes.
The owner said that
ever since Body Bags started
streaming on Netflix,
he can't keep them in stock.
And that relates
to the murder how?
Well, at the scene,
Wesley was going over all
of his old Body Bags 4 stuff.
Mm-hmm.
Including his old contract,
says he's entitled
to one percent
of all merchandising
revenue. It's not much.
So I had the studio send over
a copy of their contract.
Mm-hmm.
Look at that.
Says Wesley should be
getting ten percent.
Yeah. I also took a look at
Kimo Van Zandt's contract.
Same thing happened to him.
Kimo and Wesley shared
everything. Wives, agents...
business managers.
Ryan Goldburg.
Ryan Goldburg.
Wesley figured out Ryan's
scam, confronted him,
and then Ryan killed him
to keep him quiet.
Yeah. But how did
he get Kimo's prints
on the murder weapon so
that he could frame him?
I'm gonna ask him.
All right. You coming?
No, no. You got this covered.
What? You've been
attached to me all day
and now that we may have
figured out who killed Wesley,
you're just leaving?
Yes. Well, by now, the threat
to you should've passed.
But just in case, I've some
family business to attend to.
All right?
Fine. I'll go alone.
It's like,
get a room already, right?
What?
Too soon?
Sorry.
So, um... how-how's
the... the case going?
It's fine.
Yeah, it looks like
the money manager did it.
Tried to frame Kimo Van Zandt.
Don't know how yet.
Man, killed by your
own weird award.
That's gotta suck.
It was actually...
(chuckles)
It was really, really touching
when they got it.
When they got it.
There were two awards.
Thanks. What are
you talking about?
There were two awards,
because a fight
takes two people.
One of the awards
was given to Wesley...
And one to Kimo.
Someone must've
switched out his
award for Wesley's.
That's why Kimo's
prints were on it.
Jamie Lee Adrienne
was at the dojo.
Maybe she had access
to Kimo's award.
Maybe she's working with Ryan.
Okay, you find Jamie,
(elevator bell dings)
I'll get the business manager.
His office said
he's having lunch at
the Ignacia Hotel.
Ah! Right, let me just
make myself comfy
because I cannot wait
to hear how you sent
Urinal packing.
(chuckles)
And please do not skimp on any
of the gory details.
MAZE: This would
never have happened
if you'd listened
to me earlier.
(scoffs)
How is this possible, brother?
I no longer have my powers.
Well, what happened to them?
Oh, I don't know, Luci,
pick a sin.
Is it because I released
a damned soul from Hell?
Slept with a demon? Is it
because I'm working with you?
Or because of Mom?
Or am I simply no longer worthy?
(sniffles)
It's time that I faced
the truth, brother.
I've fallen.
Well.
Welcome to the club.
Meetings are on Tuesdays.
It's different
for me, Luci.
It's different.
I no longer have my powers.
My very strength...
Big deal!
It's probably the best thing
that ever happened to you.
But right now I haven't
got time to hold your hand,
because I need to
clear up your mess!
My mess?
Uriel's still
out there.
And the clock is up--
which means the detective
is in grave danger.
¶ It's a state of mind ¶
¶ It's a state of grace ¶
¶ Close your eyes ¶
¶ Drift away ¶
¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶
¶ Everybody needs a little ¶
¶ California ¶
¶ I can be your California ¶
(horn honking)
Are you serious?
What? You wear the orange vest,
you can do whatever you want?!
¶ ¶
¶ You can visit
but you cannot stay ¶
¶ Well, I could be
your California baby ¶
¶ And we could be
a flawed paradise ¶
¶ Nothing perfect
lasts forever ¶
¶ But, baby,
wouldn't that be nice ¶
¶ Ah, ah, ah ¶
¶ Ooh ¶
¶ Ooh, ooh ¶
¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ¶
¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ¶
(barking)
WOMAN: Stop it!
Why are you barking now?
What is wrong with you?
(continues barking)
Oh! I am your mother!
Sort of.
Did you make
one of them
your pet?
I figured out
the husband,
then it was the job,
now it's the children.
(exhales): This is supposed
to be a time out
(barking continues)
to teach you a lesson!
I don't think that's
how time outs work.
(barking)
(deep growl)
Mommy, I'm sorry.
Maybe you're not
so bad after all.
We need to talk.
¶ Baby, please believe me ¶
¶ I can't be tempted ¶
¶ No more ¶
¶ I got it out of ¶
¶ The system... ¶
What?
Detective Decker.
What are you doing here?
I could ask you two
the same thing.
Uh, we're just having
a business meeting.
Yeah.
Mm.
You make out
with all your clients?
What's the occasion?
You celebrating
the successful theft of Wesley
and Kimo's merchandising money?
I would never steal
from my clients.
Oh, you are clever, Ryan.
What is she talking
about, Ryan?
What I'm talking about
is how Wesley realized
his action figures
were selling like hotcakes,
did some investigating,
and saw that
he was getting robbed.
I think you should go.
Unfortunately
for Wesley,
he shared his concerns
about his business manager
with his ex-wife, who happened
to be sleeping with him.
And that voice mail
that you played for us,
that's what started this,
and that's what got him killed.
He did it!
He's the one
who killed Wesley!
What?!
No, it was her idea!
It was her idea to switch out
the Nunchuck Award,
cover it in blood...
Don't shoot!
KIMO:
You stole from me,
killed Wesley,
then you tried
to frame me for it?!
Kimo...
I cared about
both of you!
(screams)
No, please!
Kimo...
put the gun down. Please.
They murdered Wesley.
And they will pay for that,
I promise you.
But don't let them ruin
your life, too, Kimo. Please.
My life is already ruined.
Get out of the way.
No.
I'll shoot you!
I don't care anymore!
LUCIFER:
Kimo!
CHLOE: Lucifer,
stay back.
Guys, stand down.
Detective, you don't know
what you're up against.
This was engineered
to put you in harm's way.
You must believe me.
Lucifer,
I know exactly
what I'm up against.
It's just a man...
who's in a lot of pain.
Kimo, a couple
days ago
I was in a really bad
car accident.
And I've spent the last few days
trying to convince everybody
that cares about me
that it wasn't
a big deal.
The truth is...
I'm terrified.
I'm scared of how
it can all just end...
with no rhyme or reason.
And what I want
to do right now
is just go home
and read a bedtime story
to my daughter.
But... you know...
that's not up to me, either.
We can't control
what happens to us,
only how it affects us
and the choices we make.
So, please.
Make the right choice, Kimo.
Please put down the gun.
(sirens wailing)
(exhales)
(whispering):
Thank you.
Well, well done, Detective.
Kimo was about to do
a very bad thing.
Oh, well, not on my watch.
(chuckles) Very good.
Let me escort you back
to the station.
No... I'm-I'm okay.
You know, I don't
believe in fate.
And I don't believe in bad luck.
And I appreciate your concern,
but come what may.
I am leaving here... alone.
Very well.
But just... buckle up,
Detective, please.
(sighs)
Right. Now, if
you'll excuse me.
There's something
I need to deal with.
¶ Don't you feel ¶
¶ How I call your name ¶
¶ Calm you with my hand ¶
¶ While you're in the shade ¶
¶ I can't move. ¶
Lucifer.
Mum.
I'm letting Uriel
take me back to Hell.
(scoffs)
Well, there's no need
to overreact, Mother.
MAZE:
Let her go.
It's the right move.
Right. Of course.
Remind me at some point
to give you a refresher
on the meaning of loyalty.
MAZE:
It's what's best
for everyone.
She goes back to Hell,
where she belongs;
Chloe is safe,
and I don't have to clean up
your mess anymore.
More importantly,
you get to keep your word.
I am keeping my word.
You're serving out your sentence
here on Earth.
You know that's not
what your Father wanted.
Do I?!
Everyone thinks
they know what He wants.
Amenadiel did when he first
got here, now Uriel does.
Human wars have been waged
because of it.
Dad showed me
an open door.
Does that mean I was meant
to take you back to Hell
or was he insinuating
that Hell was getting drafty?
Nobody bloody knows,
because the selfish bastard
won't just tell us!
And I'm sick of it.
No more.
No more.
There's my Lightbringer.
My Morningstar.
Uriel was so small
when he was a child.
All he ever wanted was to play
with you and the older kids.
But you all excluded him.
Yes.
And every time he came back,
pestering us again.
Which is strange,
considering he knew
what the outcome would be.
That's how much he wanted
to be around you, Lucifer.
Uriel is a
stubborn boy.
When he sets his mind,
it doesn't waver.
He's not going to
give up until he has
either me or
that detective.
Mum...
I refuse to believe that.
There is always another way.
If anyone can find it,
it's you.
¶ 2,000 years I've ¶
¶ Been in that water ¶
¶ 2,000 years ¶
¶ Sunk like a stone ¶
¶ Desperately reaching
for nets ¶
¶ That the fishermen
have thrown ¶
¶ I'm trying to find ¶
¶ A little bit of hope ¶
For a brief moment,
the pattern faltered.
I thought it meant
you'd actually bring Mom.
That somehow, you'd surprise me.
'Cause for once in my life,
I'd like to be surprised,
but no.
No, here you are.
Are you done hiding behind
our big brother's skirt?
(short chuckle)
Yes, it's just me now.
Big, bad Lucifer.
We've already had this fight
before, Lucifer.
Right here.
You see, in my head,
I've seen everything you do.
I've heard every
dumb quip you have to say.
Right, let
me guess--
in your version,
I deliver Mom to you,
apologizing, tears
streaming down my face.
Actually, no.
In my version,
you refuse to give Mom up
and your human friend dies.
Yes, you've tried that
twice now.
Not much luck.
Maybe you're not as good
at this as you thought.
Maybe I'm building up
to a big finale.
All right.
Uriel...
you don't know what Dad wants.
None of us do.
So I think...
You're right.
I don't know what Dad wants.
None of us do.
Right.
Great, well, I'm glad
we had this talk.
I'll see you at the next
family reunion.
I'll buy the first round.
But I do know
what he needs.
Mom's out.
It's only a matter of time
before she
finds her way back to Heaven,
and then he'll forgive her.
He would never do that.
Why not?
You did.
She's been here, like,
what-- three minutes?
Now you're already
defending her.
Dad'll do the same thing.
He'll let His guard down.
And then she'll destroy Him.
I need to make sure
that doesn't happen.
That's Azrael's Blade.
How do you have it?
I borrowed it
off the Angel of Death
when she wasn't looking.
You're not planning on
taking Mom back to Hell.
That weapon will wipe her
out of existence entirely.
No Heaven, no Hell, just...
just gone.
Finally, a moment
of clarity between us.
You've gone completely
insane, brother.
I'm doing
what has to be done,
and you've run out of time.
See, I don't care
about your deal with Dad.
I don't care about what happens
to your little human.
But it's obvious
you care for her
a tad more than you do Mom.
Now, all I need to do
is hit this
one little key right here.
A sequence will begin,
and two days from now...
your cute little human
will finally die.
So, Lucifer,
you can either let that happen
or you can give me Mom.
Last chance.
You choose.
Very well.
Well, you didn't see
that coming, did you?
Eh?
Actually, I did
see it coming.
(grunting)
I mean, I knew
you were gonna attack.
I just wasn't sure how.
Patterns are tricky like that.
Takes time to get
a real sense of them.
I needed to study you a bit.
Took much less time
than I expected.
Aah!
You're lucky I'd never
use Azrael's Blade
on you, brother.
Why don't you pick on a girl?
But I have no qualms
about using it on a filthy,
scum-sucking demon.
You haven't
disappointed, Mazikeen.
Your patterns
were tough to see.
Aah!
But still predictable
nonetheless.
Because you made it
so difficult,
now I'm gonna take out Mom
and the detective.
You can't stop me, brother.
I didn't see that coming.
(whispers)
What did he say?
I... I couldn't understand.
Prick got what
he deserved.
He was my brother.
¶ When, when, when ¶
¶ Will we meet ¶
¶ When I'm outside the station ¶
CHLOE:
"As the first stars came out,
"Coraline finally allowed
herself to drift into sleep.
"while the gentle upstairs
music of the mouse circus
"spilled out onto
the warm evening air,
telling the world that
the summer was almost done."
Read it again.
You want me to read it again?
Okay, baby.
"Coraline discovered the door
"a little while after they
moved into the house...
¶ Will I run ¶
What happened?
¶ The branches from the tree ¶
¶ For me, for me ¶
¶ For me ¶
Where's Uriel?
¶ The old life is over ¶
Oh...
(gasps)
What have I done?
No... No, no, no.
¶ When, when, when ¶
¶ Will we meet ¶
¶ Will you turn round
and face me ¶
¶ The old life is over ¶
¶ The old life is over. ¶