Lovejoy (1986–1994): Season 3, Episode 3 - No Strings - full transcript

Minton.

Pate-sur-pate.

By Laurence Birks, Paris collection, 1878.

Trouble is...

the family who own this
have a very low flash point.

Last Friday, the wife brings this vase down
on the old man's head.

C-runch.

Mind you, it's not the first time
this has been used as a club.

Anyway...

I had to finish it.

I...



am taking a couple of days off.

Why the early start? Well, imagine the lip
I'd get from the rest of the firm.

Friends do that to you after a while,
they crowd you with guilt.

Take Tinker and Eric.

Please.

I mean, age not withstanding,
those fellas are like the sons I never had.

Ugh!

I'll dream about that now.

Are you sure he'll help
us, this Lovejoy fella?

Oh, he'd do anything for us.

Anything at all.

What was that?

What the hell is this?

It's a luxury executive
recreational vehicle, Lovejoy.



Don't get smart with me, Eric.

We've a little problem we
need your help with, Lovejoy.

Certainly have. I want that thing out
of here in about two minutes flat.

Do you remember Declan Grady?

Never had the pleasure
and I don't want it this morning, Tink.

You remember, Lovejoy.
Folk singer back in the '60s.

I was oblivious to the '60s, Eric,

for... one reason or another.

This is Declan, Lovejoy,
an old pal of mine.

I... wrote and...

told Declan that I'd bought
a house and I, erm...

elaborated a bit.

- Felsham Man...
- Felsham Hall.

Oh, Tink, lord of the manor.
Felsham Arms, maybe.

- Sorry, Dec.
- Good yarn.

- We'll have to find somewhere else to stay.
- Try a hotel.

Who's, er... Who's in here, by the way?

That's the Hothouse Flowers.

- Who?
- The Hothouse Flowers. The rock band.

They're doing a charity gig at Vernon House
and, well, we wondered if you could, erm...

put them up?

Not my house, Eric. Excuse me, Declan.

What about Jane?

- No way.
- Oh, come on, Lovejoy, you could swing it.

It's for charity.
They wouldn't have to live in the house,

they're just looking for somewhere private
to park.

And if you pulled it off, Lovejoy,

we'll promise never to ask where the hell
you're going done up like a dog's dinner.

Won't we?

Janey.

Janey.

Janey!

J... Janey.

You shouldn't do that to a grown man
this early in the morning.

Yes, it is a bit early.
What's all the noise about?

Ah. Erm...

I came to ask you a favor, but...

Oh, it's not a good idea.
No, go back to bed.

What favor?

No, I shouldn't have let
them talk me into it,

but you know what the lads are like
once they get an idea in their heads.

- What lads?
- No, no. Don't worry about it another second.

- I'll go back and tell them it's not on.
- Lovejoy.

This charity concert tonight
at your mate Dotty Grunebarn's place...

- Yeah, I sold you tickets for it.
- You know who's playing, don't you?

The Hothouse Flowers.
Dotty said she'll introduce me to them.

Well, I can do that. Right now.

You?

How come?

They're on your doorstep wondering
if you'll put them up for the night.

My doorstep?

My God. My clothes,
I'm not even dressed properly.

Well, neither are they. They don't have to kip
here, Jane, they can just drive the bus up.

No! I wouldn't dream of it.

All right, fellas, you're on.

Yo!

Liam.

Hello. It really is you.

Great title for a song.

State-of-the-art blarney.

Jerry. Jerry.

Hi, Jane. Lovely house you have.

Thank you. Just let me get dressed
and I'll show you all around.

- Peter.
- Lovely to meet you.

- Hello.
- Do you mind if we use your kitchen?

To make some breakfast.
Will you be joining us?

Well, yes, I'd love to. I mean,
I've had coffee, but I haven't eaten yet.

- Grand. That's great.
- The kitchen's through here.

- And this is Leo.
- Hi.

- And Fiachna.
- Leo.

- How are you doing? Nice to meet you.
- What have you got in there?

It's a lucky charm, Lovejoy.

We take it with us everywhere we go.

- Exactly what is it?
- Lovejoy.

Don't poke your nose in
where it isn't wanted.

This is my old friend Declan.

- Jane.
- Hello. How are you?

- Hello, Declan.
- Pleased to meet you.

Dec, maybe you should give your man a call.

- Oh, right.
- Don't be too nice to him.

- Can I use the phone, missus?
- Actually, it's Lady Jane...

Don't worry about that, Lovejoy, really.

Yes, this way.

Will you stop twittering like a teenager
and behave like a grown woman?

Don't you have a prior engagement?

How do you know about that?

Victoria never could keep a secret.

Well, maybe you know where she's taking me.

Aha. But on the other hand, I can keep one.

Run along, Lovejoy.

Hello, Mr. Morgan.

- It's Declan Grady.
- Ah, Declan.

Nice to hear your voice again, glad you all
got here safely. What can I do for you?

The boys do the concert tonight, then
they're off to Japan next week. Agreed?

When did we ever disagree? Declan...

Will you be performing tonight?

- Well, maybe.
- I understand.

Look forward to seeing you. Bye.

- Declan Grady?
- Hothouse Flowers.

They've arrived, no problem.

- You're late.
- Oh, sorry.

Got caught up with friends,
wanting me to do things.

Nice to have friends who need you.

Yeah, must be.

- Hello.
- Hello.

I could murder some lunch. What's this
place like we're going to be staying at?

- Small, romantic. Antique, even.
- Sounds right up my street.

Lovejoy, you're looking the wrong way.

We're going out to sea.

Uh-oh. When fear strikes,
you lose the will to think.

It's fight or flight.

Mm. No, I don't think so.
Can we try the red one?

Very good, madam.

Well, I've sailed close to the wind
a few times in my life, never for real.

Adrift in the North Sea.

Now put your arms up.

It doesn't really fit under the arms.

If I wasn't terrified,
I'd show her who's the boss.

Could we try the blue one?

Trouble is I think she knows.

Not long, darling,
then we can go and have lunch.

Lunch? I can't eat lunch.

Well, I can. You can watch me.

OK.

You can put your arms down now.

And the, erm... shoes.

No.

Mm.

If I'd told you what I had in mind,
you wouldn't have come.

No, but plenty of other fellas would.

- Wouldn't they?
- Mm-hm.

I asked you.

My father used to bring us down here
when I was a child.

Up and down these waters.

Maldon, Burnham, Manningtree.

Over to France for the summer.

He used to keep a boat here.

40ft gaff rigger.

Ah, the old 40ft gaff rigger, eh?

- You do know about boats, then?
- No. Just trying to get in the spirit of things.

You know, you remind me of him.

Do I? Was he different, brave?

Not a word I'd use about you today.

- Plate of chips, please.
- Appetite returning?

Well, maybe now's the time for me to tell
you that sailing is not all I had in mind.

Cancel those chips.

- Lovejoy, I didn't mean that.
- What did you mean?

You know what I mean.

I want to see Dorset.

I want to visit the Lake District.

I want to watch the sun
go down on Galway Bay.

When do we sail, skipper?

Right now. Let's get onto
the sea in a little ship.

- How little?
- Sleeps two.

Lovejoy.

Mm?

Is your first name Horatio?

Might be.

What do I do now?

Nothing.

You're singing tonight.

I was going to, yeah, but...

then I heard how big the gig was.

It's booked out, Tink.

They're all expecting something special.

Pity.

The boys love you, you know that.

I know.

They keep offering me a
chance to sing, but...

You were the best.

I don't sing much anymore.

For the same reason you don't own
a great big country mansion.

The truth caught up with us.

I'm losing you.

Because somewhere in the umpteenth bar,
the n-th town,

and God knows what number tour...

I lost out to this stuff.

It made you poor and me... scared.

I'll have two sugars in mine.

What about this Lovejoy fella?

He's like a son to me.

And Jane. Where does she fit in?

You know, a good-looking woman rattling
round in a sodding great barn like this.

One of the mysteries of the age, Jane.

- Husband?
- Yeah.

Businessman.

Always away.

Wicked waste.

- You? Tell fortunes?
- Since when?

- It's a gift.
- Since he read it in a book last week.

Jane, we mystics have many doubters.

Yes, I'm sure you do, Jerry.

And what a future you have.

- Yeah. And most of it in front of you.
- I'll get it.

I see a doorbell, I see someone ringing it,

and I see a man answering it.

- That might be somebody for the boys.
- Eric will take care of it.

The boys can look after themselves.

You must be joking.

Yeah?

I wonder if I might have a word
with Mr. O'Maonlai.

Who?

Liam.

Oh, right.

Everything all right, Eric?

There's a bloke outside called Morgan,
says he wants to speak to Liam.

- I'll handle it.
- OK.

Afternoon, Dec.

Come to give the band their itinerary,
see if there's anything I can... do.

Ah.

Justin Vulliamy.

17... 60.

- Thereabouts.
- '62, actually.

I bought it myself for Lady Felsham
some three years ago.

You know about such things?

A little.

You're too modest.

Anybody else would have attributed it
to his son Benjamin.

Marvelous, isn't it, Ray?

To meet a man who knows what he's
talking about instead of a spieler.

- What do you really want?
- Merely to oil the wheels, Dec.

Six o'clock sharp, the boys will be
picked up and taken to the venue.

- That's a bit early, innit?
- They have to do a sound check.

Security's all laid on,

- the lighting crew have done a marvelous job.
- Caterers?

The very best and if there's anything else
the boys want, you just let me know.

I'll tell them.

What charity is it, exactly?

HOBO. And believe me, they'll be
eternally grateful for the band's help.

Homes Before Offices.

One of the many charities I
raise money for, Lord Felsham.

Actually, I'm not, erm...

Actually, I'm not sure that you might not
have met Lady Felsham before.

She does a lot of work for charity and...

Aha.

It's not for sale.

My offer still stands.

I mean, surely they're not going to cart
this around for the rest of their lives.

That's their business.

If they do decide to off-load it,
you will see that I get first refusal?

You couldn't afford it, mate.

Nice talking to you, Lord Felsham.

Yes. Likewise.

Sure.

A bit snotty with him, weren't you?

I don't trust him.

Oh, he's a decent enough sort of chap.

Got a good eye for a clock.

And a gentleman.

Good man, Eric.

No sweat.

It's been grand having you around, Eric.

You all right?

Well, no, actually.

You see... I've not been getting
a lot of satisfaction lately.

Not exactly my field, that, Eric.

Job satisfaction.

Oh, I see.

It's Lovejoy.

Quite like the fella myself.

Ah, yeah, but you only see one side of him,
don't you?

He's been messing me around
for three years now.

And when he's wrung me out,

he'll put his foot on
the pedal bin of life,

up will flip the lid and
he'll drop me right in it.

Right.

I mean, where is he now? Tell me that.

Chasing crumpet. At his age!

So you can see what I'm driving
at, can't you?

Not exactly, Eric, no.

Well, it's time I made a career
move, innit?

And music's always been
a second string to me and...

if I've really been that useful to you,

I mean, maybe we could...
I mean, maybe I could...

- You're saying you'd like to work for the band?
- I can start tomorrow.

I'd have to ask the others.

Well, what do you want to ask me?

I mean, come on, fire away.

How's your voice?

Well, hang on a minute, I mean,

I'm obviously willing to start at
the bottom, fetching and carrying.

But I mean, having said that,
my voice is quite good, actually.

Well, I'll tell you what,

15 minutes before we go on,

you give the others a shout.

Right.

- Glad you came?
- I'm glad I came.

- Hot toddy?
- Ooh, hot toddy.

After you.

Ooh!

Lovejoy.

Come on.

Whoo!

- Thank you, sir.
- Good night, sir.

Good night.

You see, it's not that I'm especially big,
or that those bunks were especially small,

it's just that I need...

Room to maneuver.

Exactly.

Where was I?

Maneuvering.

- Oh, yeah, hurry up.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Whoo-ooh-ooh.

Like a drink? Yes, I'm sure you would.

- It's a little cool.
- Have a seat.

- I won't.
- No?

Declan, we should make a move.

Right. Eric, is the car there?

I'll go and check.

Thanks for what you did, lads. Cheers.

- Has Morgan settled up with everyone?
- He should be doing that now.

- Where is he?
- I saw him earlier.

- Yeah, the car's ready.
- Eric, have you seen Morgan?

Oh, he left about an hour ago.

- What's wrong?
- I bloody knew it.

What's the time?

Seven o'clock.

Oh.

- Middle of the night.
- Mm.

Where are we?

Hotel.

I remember.

Yes, I remember.

I thought we'd get a bag of groceries,
nip over to the ship,

have a fry-up and then sails up and away.

Mm.

Wind's from the southwest, you see.

That will help, will it?

I don't know, that's why I woke you up.

Yesterday I'd never been on a boat,

today I want to spend the rest of my life
on one. With her.

I've got the route all mapped out.

Southwold for lunch,
Amsterdam by nightfall. Friday, Pedrogao.

- Never heard of him.
- It's in Portugal.

Thought we'd get married there. It's the
only way you'll find out my first name.

What an offer.

Two eggs, yes?

- You don't like the idea?
- What?

Us.

Getting married.

Make yourself useful,
Lovejoy, cut some bread.

That's a yes, you will marry me?

I never know if you're kidding or not.

Oh, I never was.
I just wanted to lessen the shock.

Lovejoy, you've known me four weeks and you
want to spend the rest of your life with me?

Yeah.

Why don't you try my cooking first?

That's a definite maybe.

I did - I did want to make this more...

romantic.

You know, have an orchestra
playing in the background,

but this only...

gives you shipping forecasts.

I'd still say the same.

Come on, Vic.

Don't spoil everything.

Let's just leave it as it is.

The answer's no.

I don't understand.

I suppose if I said
"freedom", you'd scream?

You know, even in the nick, I was free.

Freedom's... up here.

You've never been to Peru.

You're going back?

I don't know.

I might do.

What does a long whining sound
mean in this country?

Usually Eric, but on this occasion,
number unobtainable.

Disconnected.

But you got through the other day.
What's Morgan playing at?

Bandits. He's gone with close to 100 grand.

I told you I didn't trust him.

But what did the police say earlier, Dec?

As far as they're concerned,
Morgan's not missing, not after 12 hours.

There's still no sign of him by the
weekend, then they're interested.

- Right. So just who does he owe money to?
- Everyone.

The sound, the lighting people,
Terry, Norman. The transport.

Printers, caterers, security, roadies.

Just a second. These people aren't
your problem, though, you do know that?

Maybe, but we don't need that reputation.

It's Morgan who's run off with the takings,
not you.

- Look, we can pay them ourselves.
- How much, Dec? Any idea?

- 40 grand.
- You must be joking.

- There could be a way.
- We'll need Lovejoy's help, though.

Ah, not the harp.

I'm afraid Lovejoy is
at present unobtainable.

No, he's back. I got a phone
call from Victoria this morning.

Women may let you down.

Antiques...

never.

There.

All ready to clobber somebody else.

By rights I shouldn't let them have it back.
They're Philistines, no eye for lasting beauty.

They prefer a lovers' tiff,

smashing up the odd bit of artwork
and falling back into each other's arms.

The last bit sounds good.

What are you doing here?

What happened?

You turned me down.

That's what happened.

So you walked out on me
just because I said I wouldn't marry you?

Didn't seem much point in staying.

I'd never have thought you of all people
would take life so seriously, Lovejoy.

Well, why not?

I thought we felt the
same about each other.

I'm not ending in a fight.

In fact, I'm not ending anything.

But you're going home.

Probably.

Perhaps it's just that...

you really don't want to know
what my first name is.

- Good time, Lovejoy?
- Sorry to barge in, Lovejoy.

- We've got a problem.
- Well, sort it out, Tink.

We need you to look at something.
It's urgent.

It better be.

It's a trunk. Circa 1955.

What's happened, Vic?

He asked me to marry him.

Well, always one for surprises.

I thought he was kidding.

I tried to laugh it off,
but he wouldn't drop it.

Yes, that's Lovejoy.

If he wants something, he keeps on,
usually till he gets it.

Now he thinks it's him I'm saying no to,

but it's not.

It's marriage.

You mean, you're not...

Course we're not.

Oh, Janey.
I just need some time to be myself.

I don't want to be Mrs.
Lovejoy, Mrs. Anybody.

How's he taken it?

Not good.

He really did mean it.

I'll call you from the airport.

- Erm...
- Don't worry.

I'll tell him.

Are you thinking...

what I'm thinking?

I hardly dare to.

Then you are.

It's gonna need a hell
of a lot of work, Tink.

From the best.

- Jack Stallabrass.
- Is he still alive?

He was when I last saw him.

Right. Eric, my book.

Jack Stallabrass's number,
under S for Stallabrass.

I could have worked that out
meself, Lovejoy.

- Honestly, the way you treat me...
- Just get on with it, Eric.

Phone him, ask him when he can see us.

Gentlemen.

We're going to meet one of the great
authorities on musical instruments.

- They'll be polite, I promise you.
- Sure.

He'll want to know where the
harp came from, stuff like that.

So do you want to tell me?

As far as I remember,
my great-uncle left it to me.

And who left it to him?

- He's forgotten.
- Your grandfather lives in Galway.

He was a grand-uncle.

Who gave it to him?

He bought it from a farmer
whose cousin left it to him.

Ah.

Right. The cousin. Where did he live?

Up in Soay, where the sheep come from.

That's what we wanted to hear.

Put this back in the trunk.

Very, very carefully.

Where's Vic?

She's gone, Lovejoy.

What do you mean, "she's gone"?

I'm sorry.

She asked me to say goodbye.

I've been meaning to tell you, Lovejoy,
I'm going to Japan with the Flowers.

- Don't be silly.
- Is that all you've got to say?

Oh, don't be bloody silly, Eric!

That's why I'm going, because the contempt
you show me is... contemptible.

Go on, then, leave.
Everybody else is walking out on me.

That's another reason for going cos you
don't care whether I do or not, so I will!

Jack.

Mutton Geoff.

Jack.

Didn't hear you come in.

I've brought some friends, Jack.

Not used to visitors.

Not sure I like visitors.

They're musicians, Jack. You'll like them
and you'll like what they've brought.

No disrespect to your man or anything, but
do you think the harp will be safe here?

- Well, I can't see why not.
- It's never been on its own anywhere before.

Well, don't worry.
I'll stay with it for the duration.

Great.

Scottish, not Irish.

Yeah, that's what we thought, Jack.

One of the owners, way back, came from
Soay, one of the Scottish islands.

Hornbeam.

Pegs missing, of course.

Pinholes shot to pieces.

No problem, though.

Will you be able to put it back together
for us, Jack?

- Restring it and everything?
- Pleasure.

In 48 hours? The boys need money.

- Quick, sharp. They're off to Japan next week.
- Sure.

You know what this is, don't you, Jack?

I mean, Tinker and I thought...

Queen Mary harp.

1503 or thereabouts.

As played by angels, Lovejoy.

It is beautiful, Jack, but, erm...

- how much?
- A fortune.

That's not a figure, Jack.

Figures would frighten you.

So would this lot by the sound of them.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid all our
financial information is confidential.

I appreciate you think you're trying to help
us, but for all I know you could be... well...

- Could be what?
- Inland Revenue.

Out to hassle us. Customs and Excise.

Oh, yes, the establishment have their thugs
as well, you know.

There were 10,000 people at that concert
at ten quid a throw.

Where's all that money gone?
Admin? Overheads?

We're talking about one man
and a sealed briefcase.

10,000?

- Is he always late with his money?
- Not as a rule, no.

They haven't been paid yet, Lovejoy.

- And they're expecting £8,000.
- Sharon, you're fired.

Stay put, Sharon.
You're in line for promotion.

- Do you have an address for Morgan's office?
- No.

5 Williams Court, Harrow.

Thank you, Sharon.

- Can I help you?
- Looking for Ray Morgan.

Yeah, well, if you find him, tell him he owes
me till the end of the month. And the phone.

Seemed a decent sort of geezer an' all.

Quiet.

Clean.

Respectable.

You know what he left me with?

A load of old chinky takeaway
with a green fur coat on it.

- Did you meet his wife?
- Not really, no.

Why is it that rubbish like Morgan
always gets women like that?

Real sweetheart.

While blokes like you and me
always get the dogs.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Help yourselves. You won't find anything.

I've looked.

Ooh!

Not exactly a natural housekeeper,
our Mrs. Morgan, Tink.

Doesn't make sense.

I had her husband down
as a really fussy bloke.

You know...

everything in its place
and a place for everything.

Hello.

What?

David Olliphant's catalog.

Big Dollar Ollie?

That's this Saturday.

It is.

Mrs. Frances Morgan,

care of the Post Office,
Ballyduff, County Limerick.

There is light at the end of this tunnel.

And I don't think it's
a train coming, Tink.

There was an old lady from Limerick,

Who did something that
rhymed with Limerick.

Don't worry, Jack,
I've got everything under control.

Save your breath, Eric.

Lovejoy.

Lovejoy!

All right, Eric.

I know you're gonna tell me something
that I do not want to hear.

It's gone.

The harp, Lovejoy, it's gone.
Someone's stolen it.

I told you to sleep with it.

But that's what I did. Sleep.

Who's your next of kin, Eric?

Jack just went for a drink for an hour
or so, but that's when they swooped.

You let him go out boozing?

He got back about midnight
and there it was, gone!

And you slept through it.

But I reckon I know who might have done it.
Morgan. What do you think?

Well, I think...

We'll find out Saturday, Eric.

Dear chap.

Marti and I were thinking
about you yesterday.

Why me, Ollie?

Marti's brother's gone down for two years,
my sweet. Same prison.

"We must get old Lovers to go see him,"
she said, pass on some tricks of the trade.

I can't wait to visit there again, Ollie.

Anyway...

what brings you lot this
far off the beaten track?

Do you know a Ray and Frances Morgan?

- Do they buy much from you, Ollie?
- Yes, frequently.

In fact, I'm expecting them here this
afternoon to bid for the Ralmarchais.

They collect 19th-century French paintings.

Can't be the same people that had
that tatty, little office, Lovejoy.

They live in some luxury
in southern Ireland.

Mansion in Limerick, so I've heard.

Mr. Olliphant.

A mansion?

In Limerick.

It's beautiful. He runs the scam
here in England playing Joe Bloggs,

Mr. Average, the man in the gray suit.

Come the big payout,
acts like a king in Ireland.

Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're a flash git all of the time.

I'll take that as a compliment.

Excuse me, Jane.

Eric, go into the car park.

Yeah.

Find the Morgans' car.

Yeah.

And let one of the tires down.

Why?

Because I told you to.

Fair enough.

Ladies and gentlemen,
lot 24 in the catalog.

Portrait of the artist's two sisters,
Celeste and Sylvie.

This reveals Ralmarchais's technical skills
perhaps better than any we've seen so far.

So shall we begin at £40,000?

Mr. Yamahita, thank you.

45 anywhere?

Mr. Vanhoim.

50.

Do I hear 50?

We have a truly magnificent example.

Do you see Morgan anywhere?

No, but she's there.
I'd recognize that briefcase anywhere.

50.

55.

£50,000, then.

It's yours, madam, at £50,000.

What are you doing here, Dec?

- I told you I didn't trust Morgan, didn't I?
- You did, but I didn't believe you.

But we've found him now. All we have
to do is to get hold of that harp.

- That will turn up.
- You seem very sure.

Well, that's what I want
to talk to you about.

- Grab her.
- Well, I wouldn't.

Besides, it's her old man we're after.

Well, where's Declan gone to, Tink?

He's sorting a couple of
details out about Japan.

Oh, that should be of interest to you, Eric.
Mind you, I don't think you'll like it there.

Why not?

Because it is a society
based on the work ethic, Eric.

Leave him alone, Lovejoy.

Besides, no one's going anywhere
if the harp doesn't show up.

- That might not be as difficult as it seemed.
- Do you know something?

There he is. Morgan.

- That's him there.
- Lovejoy.

- About the harp.
- No, not now, Tink. Look at him.

A face in the crowd.

"Let's do some shopping, darling,
let's make a list.

"We need an ironing board,
some new underwear,

"and we must get a nice, little Ralmarchais to
cover that nasty gap on the dining room wall."

Come on.

Mrs. Morgan.

Mr. Morgan.

The description the boys gave of you
fits you perfectly.

I don't believe we've met.

This man a friend of yours, Lord Felsham?

His name's Lovejoy.

How's Limerick? How's the art collection?

You reckon you'll get the harp in there,
Mr. Morgan?

What are you talking about?

The Hothouse harp you nicked,
they'd like it back.

- We know you wanted it.
- With the money you ripped off from the gig,

you could buy it twice and still have enough
money left over to buy another Ralmarchais.

Get in the car, Frances.

How much do you reckon's left in that
briefcase, Morgan? 40 or 50 grand?

Enough to pay the suppliers
to that charity gig?

By the way, how long will it take you
to change that tire?

Eric.

Go and call Uncle Bill.

My work for charity is a matter
of public record, Lovejoy.

As far as the harp is concerned, I haven't
the faintest idea what you're talking about.

Ooh, you're very good.

I almost believe him myself.
Don't you, Lord Felsham?

I do believe him, Lovejoy, as far as the harp's
concerned. I was trying to tell you back there.

Ah, Mr. Grady.

Music for the angels, indeed.

You can have it back now.

It's been a joy, Mr. Grady.

- We shall miss it.
- Thank you for stringing it.

You know, maybe it should stay here.

Nowhere safer.

So you're not going with them, then?

Well, where else could I get physical,
mental and verbal abuse for nothing?

Besides, I couldn't stand the thought
of all those exotic locations,

meeting new people
and being paid a decent wage.

OK.

OK, Eric, you've made your point.

I'm sorry. I'm glad you're staying.

We'll talk.

Lovejoy, thank you.

Oh, Eric.

- Party!
- Yeehah!

All right, Lady Jane.

I had a phone call from Victoria.

She's back in Peru.

I'm sorry, Lovejoy.

Is she all right?

Yes.

I didn't know you felt that way about her.

Really, I didn't.

Maybe it's better...

to have friends than lovers, hey, Janey?

Anyway, maybe it's not
her I'm in love with.

Who, then?

Love itself.

The idea of it.

Got a tissue?

Are you all right, Lovejoy?

Got wine on my shirt.