Love Island (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 36 - Episode #4.36 - full transcript

Welcome to
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

You thought you'd binged enough
Love Island and needed a break?

Nonsense.

We've got all
these stuff that was too bonkers

to stick in the regular show.

And let me tell you, that's
an elite level of bonkers.

You can do it yourself.

As it was
the Islanders final week,

we threw everything at them,
including the kitchen sink.

- Oh, the twins are here.
- This is the best surprise ever.

It led to hard questions.



What's the difference between
real milk and breast milk?

What's the big school up there
that's for like smart people?

What do we do at
"mommy and me" classes?

- I don't know.
- Powerful revelations.

Well, her carrying that baby
round, man, it just turns me on.

Being a mom isn't about
just coping with wine,

it's about having a community.

Who would you not
let date your daughter?

Easy. Jeff.

And quite frankly,

brought them all within
an inch of their sanity.

I'm taking you to the
fire station. Shut up!

And true to Love Island

- Unseen fashion...
- Uh! Ah!



We've saved the best for last.

So enjoy
this season's finale of...

"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

It's the final week and some of

the Islanders are
getting villa fever.

It's like cabin fever,
but more spacious.

The producers in charge of
coming up with activities for

the Islanders have
been binging this

great show called Love Island,

so the Islanders have
to entertain themselves.

Stand
I'm about to get to 2000 pieces.

Oh my God!
Does this turning you on?

- You're so strong.
- I know.

- How do you even do that?
- It's impossible. I know.

Whoa, dude. Whoa.

Okay.
Settle down now.

- Uh-uh!
- Settle down now.

No, no, no. None of that.
We're in the kitchen.

- We're in the kitchen.
- Come on, buddy.

I know you want some.
Come on. Come on, yo!

- Fuck me!
- You want it?

- You want, I want it.
- You want it.

Come on, give it to me.

Let's get out of here.

Fuck it!

As well as
needing a good old laugh,

some of the Islanders

seem to be in need
of a release of some kind.

Yeah. We just wanna scream.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Definitely.
- A lot.

Wonder if it's
got anything to do with the fact

they've been groping each
other for the last six weeks.

Oh, boy.
Let's do it.

- Should we all do it?
- I'll scream.

- All right then.
- Will you?

We're just gonna
get it out, Timmy?

Yeah, yeah.
Close your ears.

It's a good day, so why not?

Isaiah and Syd,
you gonna scream?

- Come on now.
- I just need one... one laugh.

- Why not?
- We're just gotta let it out.

All right, fine.

Dun, dun. What do you think
it's about to happen?

Is everyone gonna scream?

We are. I need to do it.
It's good for me.

I like this.
All right.

- Yeah. I like this.
- Yeah, I really feel it.

- Mm-hmm.
- All right.

I feel the energy now.

3, 2...

1.

Oh, that feels really good,
you know?

- That cleared my nostrils.
- That... Yeah.

Yeah. He's like,
"What the fuck?"

Why was everyone yelling?

I didn't hear anything.

Am I hearing voices again?

Oh my God I thought
I thought those were gone.

Nothing is more
uncomfortable than questioning

if you're schizophrenic.

Iain hates when that happens,
and so do I.

The frog that lives
in his closet.

It's been your
average week in the Villa.

Islanders have come and gone.

Love has been won and lost.

Deb's announced that
birds are robot spies

sent from the government.

Hi Charlie! Are you okay, buddy?

Deb's named the bird.

Either she's chirping
a different tune...

- You want a snack?
- Or she's playing dumb

so she can take
the spy as a POW...

Parakeet of War.

Come here Charlie.

Charlie! Where'd he go?

Charlie, come here.

Charlie?

Charlie, look!

Charlie, don't go inside.

Charlie is the kitchen bird
so he's always in the kitchen,

but he never eats
any of the food.

I always leave food out for him.

- Ah, maybe not.
- Charlie?

Seems like
Deb is still on the "birds

are up to no good" train.

Charlie?
I tried to give him some bread,

but he didn't eat
it so I know for sure

that he is an op.

And to be fair,
she might be onto

something with this one.

Hello!

Charlie?

He ran into a window

and he didn't get stunned
'cause he was a robot.

Oh my God!

Wait. Just wait, just wait. Let
him get out. Let him get out.

How do I it?

No, no. Easy.
He'll come out. He'll come out.

- Okay.
- Charlie?

Do I walk out?

You can walk out.
You can walk out.

- You're okay Zeta. You're okay.
- Timmy, come me!

- Charlie?
- He's a nice guy.

Can you come get me?

I'll get you Zeta.
I'll get you. Come on.

- Ooh! Come on.
- Yeah. Uncle Jesse!

Oh, Charlie is brave.

Wait, wait. The coast is clear.
The coast is clear.

- You're sure?
- Yeah, yeah. I got you girl.

- I got you. you.
- Yes. Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Charlie?
I told Timmy I don't like birds!

- Ooh!
- There you go.

Oh! I know he was so scared.

Yeah.
Where's the camera?

- Where's the camera?
- It's really small.

- It's in his chest.
- I am onto you, Charlie.

Nadjha suffers
from the most unusual condition,

"lost sock syndrome."

Every night she loses
at least one of them.

Come on Nadjha,
pull your socks up.

Oh no you can't.
You've lost them.

Is my sock over
on your side maybe?

I found one.

She's found one.

I think I saw
the other one stuffed down...

Jeff's trunks for a photo shoot.

Dude, I feel like I always like

take my socks off in
the middle of the night,

but then I don't
remember doing it.

I don't know if I
just like pull 'em off.

I don't know what I do.

Jeff, I can't find them!

Any woman
willing to put her head

under a man's duvet
first thing in the morning

is a braver person than me.

She must really want that sock.

Jeff's pretty
zen about the whole thing.

You could say he's
"phili-sock-ical."

Ugh! Dammit!

I don't know how my fucking
sock disappeared in the bed,

but it did.

Full disclosure, I've
been wearing that sock all day.

Just not on my feet.

Phoebe and Mackenzie
have had more

disagreements than a Republican
cat and a Democrat dog.

We couldn't overload
the main show with drama

because we had an excess
of dessert based make outs,

and that's the bread
and butter on bread.

Thank you Unseen
Bits for this moment.

- Hi. Hi.
- Hey.

What's up girl?

Nothing.

Mackenzie, you wanna
go for a chat really quickly?

Sure.

Shit.
Bro?

Come on, let's go over there.

- Shall we get a front row seat?
- Look.

Let's just pretend we're
laying out on the bean bags.

Yeah. Oh,
laying down over here?

You guys are fucking funny.

No, 'cause we need
to be able to hear.

All right, come on.
Come on.

I just really wanted
to pull you because

I know like in the dressing room

I like felt a little aggressive.

I need some sun

Nadjha did ask me
though about my feelings,

- so in that...
- I know. I know.

You said something about like

I just want you to because like

you thought I was going.

Well you were trying
to say this either happened...

or didn't happen,

and I think that

everyone has their own

as to what happened.

I don't think that
you can speak to why Chad

didn't say anything.

Quiet.

I know he's not
that type of guy.

Like I have known him...

Nadjha would make
a terrible undercover operative.

Definitely can't put
espionage on her resume.

Luckily Mackenzie and Phoebe
are genocide or war criminals.

They're just angry and hot.

You don't know everything!

You actually have
come in here and you-

you think you know all
about Chad, but you don't.

I dunno all about Chad!

But that's like
what you give off.

I'm not... You're
being hypocritical.

Phoebe, you're not listening.

He did not speak about
a connection with you guys.

But that's not how the
conversation never went.

That is how it went.

But what I'm trying
to say is that my perception

of the conversation,
whether you mentioned it or not,

did not come off
that way for me.

What about speaking
to my perspective

perspective is disrespectful,
is what I'm asking?

- I never said disrespect!
- You said...

No you said you disrespected me.

- You can ask the girls.
- I did not say that.

I just had this kiss and like
I was telling the girls about it

and then you kinda make
me like take two steps back.

What?

I was happy to not
say a word in that room.

I'm not asking...
They're arguing.

But you're trying
to make excuses for,

"Nadjha asked me.
Nadjha did this."

I'm done.

Uh!

It's fine.
Giggle, run away.

Some call it the
fountain of youth.

I really like Phoebe
'cause I would've been like,

"I'm really excited
for you guys."

- Yeah.
- Damn, that got spicy!

Not the yelling.

Do you feel better?
I feel better.

I feel so much better.

Carry on.

Welcome back to
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Mm.

I wanna demand pancakes.

It's Mackenzie's
birthday and we got her the

- best gift ever.
- Yeah. Pancake.

The opportunity to
make breakfast for other people

with a depressed
look on her face.

Yay!

- And everything?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Happy birthday!

Thank you.

Happy birthday.

- Yay!
- Mm.

Happy birthday Mackenzie!

Damn! Who's making all these?

Yeah, I made those. Well,

you guys are welcome and
they're banana chocolate chip.

Let's go!

Mm, mm, mm.

It's the best birthday
breakfast ever.

Nothing says happy birthday...

Like clocking
in there is a diner cook.

Welcome to the annual
Love Island USA Unseen Bits

water pong championship.
I'm your host Iain Stirling.

Join me as we celebrate
the world of water pong.

Preferred to beer
pong by sober people

and dehydrated marathon runners.

All right, let's do this.

Our first heated competition

is between Deb and Jessie,

and Jebra
and Joel and Mackenzie,

who recently took the gold and
their friend zone international.

Oh!

Just exhilarating
all the excitement

- of a cup of water...
- Oh! Oh!

And then
several more cups of water.

- Joel's got one!
- There we are.

Normally this is
when you'd rip off your jersey...

But Joel's already shirtless.

You never thought that
through Joel, did you?

Come on. Who's the
outside?

- That's a solid contact.
- Outside.

- Nice!
- Jesse ties it up.

I don't know why
children need fields

and gymnasiums when
this can give them

all the exercise they need.

I could have ended up
a pro water pong player but I,

uh, hurt my wrist throwing
rubbish in a dustbin.

Nice!

Oh, man!

And they're loving the magic

of the hideaway there.

Seemed like it was
gonna be way more fun.

We all did make Mackenzie.

There it is.

Nice!

Nice job!
Okay. Okay.

- Nice job!
- Huh! Yeah!

That that was nice.

- That was nice. That was great!
- Good job!

Balls back.

I knew that was gonna come back.
Come on!

- Good job guys!
- All right. Yeah!

We gotta go now Deb.
We gotta go.

Yes, Deb.
Yes, Deb. You got this.

Breathe.
I want this for you.

On three. Well, go!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Yeah.

Well,
we learned two things today.

One, the Islanders
are not great at beer pong,

and two Jesse loves
slapping hands. Enjoy.

Oh!

Ah!

Uh!

All right. We got this.

Professional editors

who failed at being professional

musicians are the best
professional editors.

Oh! Seven.

What's bro?

Let's look at some of the bros

who bro'd the way
you gotta bro, bro.

Let's start with arguably
this season's ultimate bro,

"Zay-way bro."

Like, nah, bro.

Bro code
bro. Bro?

Damn bro. Bro bro

bro bro

- bro.
- Ah bro! Bro bro

- bro.
- All right bro.

Bro bro.

Zay-way bro.
Hang on bro.

Seems like you've got
some last minute contenders.

You're-you're just natural bro.

You're gonna model bro.

- I'm telling you.
- Bro bro

Bro that shit's too easy.

Man, and you know
you've gotta set your...

Yeah.
- -move up for the next move.

Bro. It's bro
code, bro.

Bro, so you
know it's such a challenging

- spot bro.
- So fell in love with her

bro and like bro.

- Yeah bro.
- Yeah.

Yeah. This is like life.
You know what I mean?

- Yeah.
- You get set up for.

Bro code, bro.

Like it's bro code, bro.

- Vibe bro.
- It's time off, bro.

Love a vacation, bro.

Do you not understand
what a fucking

- bro code is?
- Bro, bro

, bro, bro.

Bro! It's official.

This season's ultimate
"bro" is Isaiah.

Bro!

Bro.

The following unseen
bit demonstrates

the cold hard truth,

that handsome men
who look good shirtless

can completely
bypass all the stuff

you're supposed to
learn when you're 11.

Yeah. No much partying
in.

Not much partying?
Not much partying. Really?

Yeah, man. We ain't got no-we
ain't got no clubs and shit.

What?

There's a
stereotype that Americans

Don't know anything
about Europe.

Well, we are gonna
shatter that stereotype

by showing Americans not knowing
anything about America either.

What's the best school up there
that's for like smart people?

Harvard, MIT.

MIT? Harvard's there too?

Yeah.
Harvard and Massachusetts?

Yeah. Harvard's in Boston, bro.

I didn't know that.
Oh, Harvard in Boston?

Yeah.
Where's Yale at?

New Haven, Connecticut.

Oh!
That's where Ya-Yale at?

Yeah.

I never know what them schools...
Where them schools were, bro?

I didn't know that either.

That's all that New
England shit. Smart.

New England is
smart as fuck bro.

- Yeah.
- It's insane.

How far are you
from New England?

- I live in New England.
- You live in New England, huh?

Massachusetts is
part of New England.

- Really?
- Massachusetts, New Hampshire,

- Vermont, Maine...
- That's all New England?

Connecticut, New York.

- That's all in New England?
- It's-it's all New England.

- Huh?
- We're all witnessing

Jesse's mind breaking.

- That's all British.
- Yeah.

It's like that's... that...
That section of

the country is New England.

Technically?

Nope. Like that's what it's...

- That's what it is.
- -that's what it's called.

It's New England.

But how is that
called New England?

Hold on. Hold on.
Massachusetts is a state?

Yeah.

- Massachusetts is...
- New England is a city?

- No, New England is-is-is...
- That's a football team.

He thinking
about the Patriots, bro.

Oh! So it's there's really not.

But... So they're named
after a whole fucking state?

They-they're named after-named
after the group of states.

- Six territories?
- Yeah.

- Wow!
- Or-or, I mean, I guess...

- Huh!
- -New-New York isn't really

considered in-in New England,
but it is...

New England kind of.
Yeah. Kind of.

- What the hell?
- Depending on where are you at?

- Yeah, but I mean...
- New England's not a city?

- No.
- No.

So for the longest
you thought New England

is the Patriots and
named after the city?

Like yeah!
Patriots are in the Boston, bro.

No, they're not even in Boston.

They're in fucking
Foxborough which is...

- Yeah, in Foxborough.
- -which is like 45 minutes

- south of Boston.
- So that's the city though?

- Yeah.
- Foxborough is a city for sure.

Fucking New England
is six states combined!

That's funny as fuck,
you thought it was a city.

Yeah.
Every other fucking football

team is the fucking city.

Between the
regional misunderstandings

and concussions,
I think it's fair to say

that football has left
a lot of people confused.

Wow!

Should be so weird.

We hope you're enjoying

"Love Island USA Unseen Bits:

The Educational Program."

Up next Mackenzie
teaches string theory,

and Isaiah breaks
down how fiscal policy

will change earning
estimates for the Japanese

commodities market.

What the hell?

Welcome back to
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

This week our Islanders
heard tweets about them,

but each name was
replaced with a blank

and they had to guess
who the tweet was about.

If you thought the challenger
store was excessive,

good for you.

It was actually even better.

Here's some tweets
that didn't make the cuts.

Blank just wanna have fun. Not
from what I'm watching. #boring.

So it's Chad.

The man just keeps to himself.

I'd say Chad.

You also went with Chad.

We've also gone with Chad.

That just kind of shows,
you know,

I'm not trying
to cause any fucking problems.

This tweet says,
"The girls just wanna have fun.

Not for what I'm watching."

Oh! "#boring."

Damn!

Wait. So they're saying
that we're boring?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. I'm offended.

Next tweet, "Blank is the type
of F boy

that drunkenly
marries you in Vegas

and then ghosts
you the next day.

Blank deserves better."

Whoa!
No, it is not Jesse.

Um, we said Jeff and
Nadjha solely because

there have been a few jokes
about Jeff having two phones.

Oh! Oh!
Oh that's fair.

Myself and, uh, Mackenzie,
I don't think I am that but...

I don't think you're a fuck boy.

Isaiah and Sydney.

We said Isaiah
and Sydney as well.

Isaiah just looks like a fuck
boy. It's the dangly earring.

Deb is great with nuance.

I bet it as good
as Isaiah's poker face

what his feelings are hurt.

We said Jeff and Nadjha.

And we said, Jessie and Deb.
Full tweet,

"Isaiah is the type of F boy
that will drunkenly marry you

in Vegas and then
ghost you the next day.

Sydney deserves better."

Mm-hmm.

Isaiah's not a fuck boy.

And I have
many experiences with fuck boys

and Isaiah is not one.

Ooh!

She's right.

When I ask
my parents about how they met,

my mom says the same thing.

Went through a mountain of
F boys and then I met your dad.

It's really touching stuff.

For this challenge
that bit sucked.

And I think,
you know, being called a fuckboy

isn't always the worst thing.

Saying I'm a fuckboy is
understandable, I guess.

Very mature Zay.
They say F boy acceptance

is the first step to recovery.

Step two is finding yourself
back in a vicious cycle

of fornicating
with half strangers.

Let's see what we have here.

It reads, "Deb, worried about
Mackenzie

because she knows that
her fake relationship with Jesse

is bound to collapse
since it's been held together

by a smoke screen of deceit."

- With who?
- Wow! Wow!

Because Mackenzie knows
it's been held together?

Relationship with who?

Because Deb knows that
her fake relationship

with Jesse is bound to collapse

due to the smoke
screen of deceit.

- Yeah.
- Therefore she is worried about

Mackenzie... Like Deb
is... entering the villa.

- Yeah.
- Oh!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Oh!

Not all of Twitter
is a joyless egotistical

critique into the black
hole that barely echoes

your own personal
dissatisfaction.

Sometimes the tweets say nice
stuff about our contestants.

"Looks like Joel
and Mackenzie are

giving peanut butter
and jelly vibes...

for the show of a perfect match

Oh, shit!

- Whoa! Okay!
- Could a missed

love connection
be about to happen.

From the looking Joel's face,
I'd say so.

- Yeah!
- Okay, bestie.

Apparently not. For
all the super cool dudes at home

when a girl calls you
"bestie" that's cute to

stop imagining your wedding
with her in your heads.

Uh, you know,
ever since Mackenzie came in,

you know, we've just... we
vibed together and I do agree.

It's a perfect match, uh,
but you know, just as friends.

Yeah. I agree. I second that.
I think that,

you know, we're the first
ones up in the morning.

We have our little
time together.

- Yeah.
- Lucky to have met him.

Nothing forms and

instant bond between
two people faster than

all other possibilities
being unconscious.

Kiss me, truly.

Well now Joel and Mackenzie
are officially BFFs,

let's take a look at
how they navigated this

completely mutual decision.

- I hate the word friend zone.
- Yeah.

I feel like there
should be better term.

You wanna create our own word?

- Yeah.
- Let's create our own word.

PB and J...

- PB and J, uh-uh?
- -making the sandwich.

Uh-uh. Are you peanut
butter and jealous?

Oh!

Am I the peanut butter
or am I the jelly?

I feel like you're the
jelly because you're sweet.

- Damn!
- I'm peanut butter

because I can be crunchy.

I can be tough and
crunchy or I can be smooth.

You don't think I can be
smooth or crunchy or?

I-I look like peanut butter.

You look like peanut butter.

I feel like I would
do a good job of

sealing the edges
of the sandwich.

I just think you
have to be the jelly.

Peanut butter is definitely
the rougher one, you know?

I can be rough.

Try to say something
offensive to me.

Fuck!

Your eyebrows are drawn in.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Burn!
- Burn!

You just-you just solidified
the jelly title.

I ate more peanut
butter than you.

- Yes.
- I haven't seen you

- with peanut butter once.
- This is true.

I haven't eaten
peanut butter once.

- So I get to be peanut butter.
- Fine. I be peanut butter.

Okay. Fine.
God, I'm such a pushover.

That laugh?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Bro, that was sexy.
You should do that again.

You know what, Joel?

Being sexy is so overrated.

It's gonna be hard
to wingman that.

Being actually is
incredibly overrated.

- It is. It is.
- I just like being-

I just like being this.
It's smooth and creamy.

It's smooth, creamy!

Rich and delicious.

Tomboy girly at the same time.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Thank you. I don't
feel like I get the tomboy

credit that I deserve.

Yeah. I think it...

I don't get what the
was for, but I'm sure...

Like it just seems
like I'm tough.

- Oh, okay.
- Sure. You are tough.

Tough not to crack.

Peanut butter.

Oh!

Yes!

Got "em.

Welcome back to
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

Beautiful drone shots,
camera operator.

But the drones aren't
the only loud and

expensive liability
at the villa today.

We also gave the
Islanders babies.

What's the difference between
real milk and breast milk?

Well, it's definitely
better for the child.

- Real milk comes from a cow.
- Oh!

Breast milk comes from
a hu-human. Big difference.

Yeah.

- It's a fair point.
- Yeah.

Nice to see the

Islanders are learning
parents and basics.

Having a baby led to walk their
memory lane for Timmy and Zeta.

And baby, this is where
dad recoupled with me.

This is where your mother
licked honey off of another man.

Why she would do that?
Is that what you said?

Why would she?
I don't know Nine.

It was also the
villa where your dad

gave lots of energy
to another woman.

- Oh wow!
- And, you know,

they got recoupled
with each other.

But it wasn't
a walk in the park for everyone.

You're so annoying.

I'm taking you to the
fire station! Shut up!

Luckily there
are support systems for parents:

alcohol, tax fraud,
noise canceling headphones.

The Islanders went with
a more wholesome approach,

"mommy and me class."

Hey, it's
been weeks since I last saw you.

- Hey. Yeah.
- That was

your kids' soccer practice.

The last time I saw you
was what? Last week at Pilates.

Oh, yeah. Pilates is nice.

It's so nice having
a support system,

and, you know,
that's what we are.

Oh, the twins are here.

All the girls are just
one big support system.

Especially during
these-these difficult times

of being new mothers, you know?

What do
we do at mommy and me classes?

I don't know. I have no idea.
I've never been to one.

All right, I'll go first. Hi.

Oh, hi. What's-what's his name?

- Tucker Ray Robinson.
- Ooh!

Wow! Tucker Ray Robinson.

This is the best surprise ever.

Aww!

FML twins. This is Ace.

Hi Ace.

He's 20 minutes older
than Alaila here.

- I can see, you know?
- He's definitely the more needy

one out of the two.

- Ace is like is his dad.
- Mm-hmm.

She can just chill like
this on her back all day.

Just like her mother.

Ooh!
An independent bad bitch.

Yep. I'm struggling to keep
my eyes open. I'm exhausted.

This is, um, Violet Rose.

- Hi violet.
- Hi violet.

She was whopping nine
pounds when I pushed her out.

- Wow! Yeah.
- Whoa!

This is Nine.

Ooh! That is the cutest
name I have ever heard.

This is Bill.

Hey Bill Bill Chubbs Bray.

Ooh!
Oh, his middle nine is Chubbs?

Yes, we couldn't let go of my
last name, but we just decided.

- You look so cute.
- Bill is gonna be an athlete.

We're gonna start him young.

He is very dense already,

- just like his mom and dad.
- Wow! Wow!

Dense? That's harsh.
The baby was just born,

what were you expecting Deb?
A mechanical engineer?

He was born with a six pack.

Shut up!

Why are you so fussy Bill?

Let's talk about
the real things that

no one really talks about
that we're going through.

You know, motherhood's
been tough and I need to

remind myself just that
wine is not always the answer,

you know?
Everyone's always like,

"Have the glass of wine.
Have a glass of wine."

But then I find myself
hammered at 4:00 PM.

And I think that's probably
the most important thing.

- Oh my God!
- That being a mom

isn't about just coping
with wine, it's about having a-

a community like you guys.
Really it is.

To talk about and...
I need a moment.

To just to distract myself
from the need to dream.

Same time next week, Friday.

Anybody going to
Pilates this week?

I'll probably be
there on Wednesday.

I'll probably be at Pilates.

Yeah. I can't work out.

I just had my tummy tucked
after having twins., you know?

You're still recovering
from your mom... your tummy tuck?

Yeah. These twins
took it outta me.

- My vagina ripped to my ass.
- Oh!

I'll be recovered
in like eight weeks.

Okay. Fair enough.

After a day of parenting

all Islanders got together

and did exactly what we raised
our children not to do, drink,

curse and criticize each other.

I feel like you guys are
almost like the black and white

version of each other.

In a way. Can't
you kind of see it a little bit?

- Like looks wise or like...
- No, no. They don't look alike.

- Kind of... they kind of do!
- I guess they kind of do.

They kind of do look
alike though.

Both shredded, both huge.

Okay. Be serious. Serious faces.

- Nah.
- Smile.

Smile.

Like they're both someone like
I would let date my daughter.

- Oh!
- Oh, man! Thanks.

- I would.
- I appreciate that, man.

I would.
I appreciate that.

Who would you not
let date your daughter?

Easy. Jeff.

What? Date your daughter?

- Hell no!
- Which girl would not?

- Wouldn't let me date?
- No.

- Why?
- Because you got two phones.

Which girl in the villa
would you not let date your son?

Girl!

- Wouldn't date my daughter?
- Phoebe.

And then what guy would
you not love date your daughter?

Probably Joel. She gonna...
He gonna bore her to death.

Damn, bro!

- Isaiah, your turn.
- I'll come back to you. Sydney?

I think the guy would be Timmy.

The guy? Really? Interesting.

- Let's see. Um!
- Girl.

You.

Okay.

- Okay. Year turn Joel.
- Phoebe and Chad.

- Wow!
- Phoebe and Chad. Okay.

- What about you Jesse?
- Phoebe and Chad.

- Phoebe and Chad? Really?
- Yeah.

- What are y'all talking about?
- Chad's a little odd,

but like I'd let him
date my daughter.

Yeah. That's fucked up.

Well, Nadjha
took a poll and figured out

who the least exemplary
Islanders are.

Now she's going
to confront them.

Wait, unsolicited drama
stirring in the form of a game.

I'm sorry. Nadjha,
who gave you permission to

the job of the British
producers that run this TV show?

I'm not gonna lie. Everyone so
far has said you're the most...

- Yeah.
- That they wouldn't let!

Wouldn't let their daughter
date you.

- Why?
- All the guys

have said you so far.

That's good for me.

I think someone said Joel.

Um, a girl?

- Why-why would you...
- At point I'm getting...

why would you choose...
the winner on that one.

- Me?
- Yes.

Like that. Did that like,

- "Phoebe, Phoebe."
- Why?

- I don't know why. Yeah.
- Why me though?

- I don't know.
- I don't know either.

- I didn't say that.
- Don't...

I'm perfect for
any person solid.

I was confused.

- I was like, "Me?"
- Who said me?

Did Jeff...

- Did you say Phoebe?
- I said Phoebe.

Jesse said Phoebe. Joel
said Phoebe. Isaiah said me.

I wonder what they think.

I wonder what they think.

- Am I like too smart maybe?
- Probably.

No guy is wanting a stupid girl.

Hold up.
Why have I not been said more?

Welcome back to
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

Due to a rigorous schedule
of making out on patio furniture

and being denied
books and films,

the Islanders vocabularies
have being reduced.

It's a fair trade off,
if you ask me.

That's the way
the cookie crumbles.

Yeah, it's good
for a little bit,

but eventually like the
cookie starts to crumbles.

- Because of?
- It's how the cookie crumbles.

It's how the cookie
crumbles in this beach.

It's literally just like how
your specific cookie crumble.

Right. Just how
the cookie crumbled.

It's how the cookie crumbled,
you know?

Yeah, bro.

Sometimes their
communication skills regress

so severely they invent
their own language!

It's a common side
effect of being isolated

in the same vacation
rental for long periods.

Young men
speaking a strange language

and changing in front
of me will always remind me

of the youth hostel where
I got my Blackberry stolen.

- What is that?
- It's our own language, bro.

Oh, no!
Timmy is curious.

Timmy, step away from the
obscure villa dialect before you

sprain a tongue.

It's so hard!
But where is it derived from?

Just being an advanced species.

Oh!
No other way to look at it but...

I can say it.

Yeah, like that.

He sounds like that
with like a smidge of stitch.

Say... the best one
to do is to say Phoebe in that.

That's how you
know you can do it.

- Phoebere.
- What the fuck?

That-that was good.

You say it. You say it.

Say Phoebe though.
Say Phoebe.

That's not-that's not Phoebe.

I was about say that.

All right. Okay.
Hair conditioner.

I don't know what the fuck
you're doing. He's rapping.

He's... He's trying.
He's trying. He's rapping.

He's trying,
he just needs to try harder.

Yeah, see!
That was a good one.

That was actually really good.

I put in the closet in my

You put your shirt
in your closet?

Yeah.

That language
is weirding me out.

I'm just a regular guy
trying to make jokes while

watching a footage of young
men changing their bedroom.

Let's just be normal, please!

- Oh, that looks Way better.
- Way better.

- Way better?
- Yeah.

Speaking of creative
ways to use your mouth...

Islanders,
tonight the hideaway is open.

Nadjha and Jeff!

The Islanders picked Nadjha

and Jeff to spend the
night in the hideaway.

- Hideaway!
- Yeah, hideaway.

To the hideaway, yeah.

And Jeff
grabbed a carton of milk,

which is but his sexier
beverage choice is clam chowder.

What?

I would rather
become a professional crocodile

dentist than chug
milk before a hot date.

Very counterintuitive Jeffrey.

- He took the whole 2% milk!
- I don't...

- What's that about?
- He's-he's pour...

It's the milk!

He's gonna pour milk on her ass.

Is that what he-he's
joking about?

- Yeah. What a joker!
- He's not joking.

He's not boring
it on Nadjha's bum?

I mean, I really think
it would be like actually

a disjustice if we
didn't use this pole.

I'm feeling like
Magic Mic energy

Magic Mic?
Uh!

Uh! Ooh! Yes!

I should put some oil on.

Like that of brag,

it's not a laughing matter.

A great stop stripper is a
broken femur waiting to happen.

Just ask my close colleague,

What the fuck?

I give up.

You're doing so good.

It's the
final week at the villa,

and if you need further proof

that the Islanders
are going stir crazy

here's Deb drinking
and talking to empty chairs.

- Just sit here by myself.
- Like my poorly

poorly received one man show
about my hemorrhoid operation.

I guess all my friends
are probably wondering

why I've gathered
you guys here today.

It's just an honor
to be with all of you and

just to really get to
share this experience with each

and every one of you.

It's not every day

that you are thrown
into a villa for the summer

and are surrounded
by such amazing people.

But, you know, I truly am just

just really happy and
honored to be here. So

cheers to all of you guys.

Thanks for being around and
so supportive of me

and just understanding.

That's all I could ask for from
such a great group of people.

Cheers to you all!

Those
poor chairs! Four legs,

but none of them can run away.

Where the fuck is everyone?

- Well, this is it.
- Oh man!

The final segment of
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits."

This is for real!

It's been six
weeks of love and heartache.

I'm not this girl.

Joy and sorrow,

pride and shame.

And pride and shame.
Did I mention pride and shame?

But in all seriousness...

Love Island
is all about finding love so

I can't think of a more

appropriate way
to wrap things up...

Than by Islanders
shoving food in their mouths

and throwing it up.

It's okay to cry.
It's a gag reflex.

Oh, shit!
I love marshmallow.

So lovey dovey is a game

where you can see
how many marshmallows

you can fit in your mouth.

Chubby bunny but
Love Island version.

- Ooh!
- Oh!

- So, yeah.
- Lovey dovey. I get it.

We're gonna go around.
We're gonna see...

we can fit the most
in their mouth.

Well, let's get into it.

- Okay. Okay.
- I'll start it off.

Sydney's gonna start!

Okay.

Lovey dovey one.

Yeah.

I shouldn't even say it.

Come on.

It's big!

Hey, you got two. You got two.

There you go.

- Here you go. You got three.
- Yeah. Okay.

Mm!

You got four of those mouth.

- Mm, mm.
- Yeah, yeah.

Five. Good job!

Okay. Wow!

That's six.
Come on, you're on six!

Sydney?

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh! What the fuck?

I was choking on it.

Oh, shit!

All right. Deborah.

Lovey dovey.

You gotta love it.
She got a method to it.

- Yeah.
- Lovey dovey.

Lovey dovey.

Yeah, yeah.

- You're on four.
- It's hard, bro.

- Come on Deborah.
- Lovey dovey. Lovey dovey.

Five.

- Lovey dovey.
- Yeah.

Lovey dovey.

Oh! Oh!

Lovey dovey.

Oh! Oh my gosh, Deb!
Look at them cheeks!

Lovey dovey.
Is that eight?

I can't watch!

Wow!

Wow!
Good job.

Eight.

Wow!

Let's see Isaiah. The Zay-way.

- Oh, I guess the best for last?
- Yeah. Come on.

Yeah. Come on.
Jesse is best for last, I guess.

Okay, okay. Okay.
Let's see your technique.

- Lovey dovey.
- Good job.

- Lovey dovey.
- Two.

Oh, that's a good technique!

Yeah.
Lovey dovey.

- Yeah.
- Lovey dovey.

Come on.
Yeah. Look at him.

He get his talk perfectly.

Mm-hmm.
Lovey dovey.

- You're like a hamster.
- Lovey dovey.

- It's just...
- Lovey dovey.

- How are you doing that?
- Lovey dovey.

Nine.

-Lovey dovey
-Yeah.

Mm.
Look at him.

Lovey dovey.

You got ten, bro. It's 11.

Mm!
Damn!

- Wow!
- You can fill a whole lot.

- Lovey dovey.
- What about you?

Man!

- Lovey dovey.
- Look at him!

Lovey dovey.

Like that is too much!

Come on.
Lovey dovey.

Wow!
You can fit one.

He's got in his
the upper lip too!

- Lovey dovey.
- 15!

Ew!

- Let me see.
- How many were there?

Wow!

!11, 12, 13...
14, 15.

15!

- All right.
- Come on.

- Get 16 baby.
- All right.

And now the
final round of Lovey dovey.

The last moments of Love
Islands USA Unseen Bits.

Let's see if Mr.
Quiet has the biggest mouth.

Check it away, Jesse.

Let's get it started.
Let's get it started.

- Yeah.
- Lovey dovey.

- Okay.
- Uh-uh.

Lovey Dovey.

It doesn't even look
like you have a many.

- Lovey dovey.
- Okay. Three.

I'm fucking fantastic.
Love dovey.

- Four.
- Yeah, four.

Love dovey.

- And those are stretchy.
- You look you have a.

He looks like he
has a swollen face.

- Ew!
- Lovey dovey.

Lovey dovey.

Lovey dovey. Lovey dovey.
Lovey dovey. Lovey dovey.

Lovey dovey.

- Oh my God!
- You look like a

Lovey dovey.

I can't look at all.

Lovey dovey.

Lovey dovey.

Don't joke.

Lovey dovey.

14.

- Lovey dovey.
- 15.

- 15.
- God, he's tired!

Yeah, for the winner.

Come on. Give up. That's it.

- Lovey dovey.
- Ooh!

Lovey dovey.

- 16.
- Oh!

- Winner, winner chicken dinner.
- Yeah.

And the winner is Jesse.

Can you believe he gets
a hundred grand for that?

- Iain?
- What?

That's tomorrow show.

Oh, right! Apparently
that's tomorrow's show. Sorry.

Love dovey.

- Lovey dovey champ!
- Lovey dovey baby!

And that's it.
"Love Island USA Unseen Bits"

is headed back into hibernation.

Summer is coming to a close

and so it's time
to put the bathing suit

and scuba gear you never
use deep into your closet

behind your half-hearted
vinyl collection

and the robot vacuum
that scares your dog.

Until next year, the villa
will be here waiting for you.

And by here,
I mean, whatever place

that isn't an island
we randomly call an island.

I am Iain Stirling,
so long America.