Love (2016–2018): Season 2, Episode 7 - Episode #2.7 - full transcript
Hey, guys, hang in with me here.
We're almost done, okay?
So everyone at the party
will be gathered round.
And then they'll dim the lights.
And then I'll say,
"The most exciting merger in broadcast
entertainment has now come to pass.
Gravity Satellite Radio is now...
Gravity Subzero."
Sounds like the reason an astronaut died.
"We don't know what to do.
He was in Gravity Subzero."
Truman. I can't.
- I can't with you right now.
- Sorry.
All right, that's all for now.
- Mickey, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Yeah.
What's up?
These guys don't get it.
This is a merger.
Staff is gonna get cut.
Have you heard who?
'Cause I nominate Ken in IT.
He takes these nasty shits,
and then he doesn't flush.
- I kind of respect it as a power move.
- This is not a joke.
A lot of people are gonna get fired.
And we are not immune,
because those Subzero guys
are fucking ruthless.
So smart, strong women like us,
we need to stick together.
Yeah, of course. I...
Whatever you say.
Uh, what's the plan?
Well, we're gonna get in there,
and we're gonna make sure
they know who we are.
And have them associate
a face with a name,
because faceless people
are the ones that get screwed.
That's really smart.
That's like...
That's what hostage negotiators do.
They... they humanize the captives.
It's like, "I'm Erika.
I'm Erika. I just bought a camper.
Know me."
"I'm Mickey.
Um, uh...
I have a lot of debt and a bad habit
of buying expensive T-shirts."
- All right.
- "You'll grow to love me."
That's pretty good.
Mickey.
Uh, sorry, Erika, I need to speak
with Mickey for a moment.
Just need to borrow her for a sec.
Promise to bring her back unharmed.
Right... right in the... Right now?
Uh, yeah, just...
I gotta get in the studio.
- So...
- Great.
So what's up?
So, uh, you wanna...
you wanna sit down?
No.
No, you're right.
It's better if we stand.
Uh...
Okay, so it's about the party.
How to put this gently?
I'm so sorry, but I'm bringing a plus one.
- Great.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, Mickey.
Don't say, "Great,"
and walk out like that.
- It's okay if it stings a little bit.
- It doesn't sting.
Really?
I slept with you
because I thought it would save my job,
and it was a mistake.
Sure. Repressed emotions
are something I'm very familiar with.
I deal with it all the time on my show.
- I'm gonna be honest with you.
- Please.
You disgust me.
Oh...
Wow.
It is just very interesting
how we choose our words,
and how we express
those words in order to...
I'm so looking forward to meeting
your plus one, if she exists.
Well, she does.
Her name is Patricia,
and she's a pretty fuckin' big deal
in young adult publishing.
Are you bringing anyone?
Excuse me!
Great talking with you! Great!
Glad we could connect on that.
You're really good at communicating!
How do I look?
Hopefully like somebody
you wouldn't want to fire.
Wow. You look great. Beautiful.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I wouldn't fire you.
Thanks.
I didn't realize I was gonna have
to schmooze so much to save my job.
Oh. That's cool.
Oh, just as a heads-up,
I have never brought a guy
to one of these,
so people may be staring at you.
Okay. So, um...
how we gonna
introduce ourselves?
Uh, I just thought
we'd say we were dating.
Okay.
- You didn't like that?
- No! No, I don't care. I...
I was actually trying to say that "okay"
as, like, neutral as possible, you know?
I don't want to be too freaked out
or too eager.
So, no, that's... that's good.
- I mean... Yeah.
- Dating. Yeah.
We don't have to, like, put a label on it.
But I just sort of assumed
that we're not sleeping with other people.
I mean, I'm not.
I'm not either.
And if somebody asks, I'll just say,
"This is Gus. I could fuck other dudes,
but I choose not to."
Great.
And I'll say, "Hi, I'm Gus.
I'm the only guy she's fucking."
- Mmm!
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
- It's cool. Yeah.
Just tell me if you're miserable,
and, like, you can go.
- I swear. I'll put you in an Uber.
- I won't be miserable.
- I'll pay for it.
- It's fine.
- No. No, don't worry about me.
- Okay.
- Don't worry about me.
- Oh! There's Truman.
- Mickey!
- Hi! That is that girl, Lilly.
- Remember I told you that day I had...
- Right. Right.
- Yes, yes. Hi, guys!
- Hey!
So good to see
the two of you together...
still. Lilly, uh...
Isn't this the worst?
I hate this lame shit.
I'm a corporate whore.
We all are.
Who's this?
Oh. Uh, this is Gus.
Sorry to be so rude.
Uh, he's my husband.
We're married.
Ah, Gus! The Gus?
Yeah, that's right. Hey!
Oh. Uh, Erika's waving at me.
So I gotta go.
Are you gonna be all right?
Yeah, do your thing. Totally.
Don't worry about Gus.
We're gonna take good care of him.
- Aw.
- Thanks.
You cool?
Yeah.
Okay.
- Hi. Whose list are you on?
- Hey.
Oh. Uh, it's Mickey.
She works here.
Yeah, I need a last name.
Oh, uh... Ah, shit, I don't remember.
Um, she's, um... she's blonde.
Uh, like, um,
really kind of healthy-looking.
Like, I feel like it could be,
like, Baker?
Uh, if you could look on there for Baker,
or it could easily be Jones, I feel like.
Could you just look in there for Jones?
Yeah, you can't just guess
all existing names.
It's Mickey Dobbs.
Oh, hey, I remember you.
We met at Gus' party.
- Hello! I'm Bertie Bauer.
- Hi!
Ah, cool.
Uh, yeah, and Chris Czajkowski.
Um, it's, uh, spelled just like it sounds.
C-Z-A-J-K... Owski.
- Oh. Yeah, I see it. Okay.
- Oh, yeah, it's right there.
- Go right in.
- Thank you so much.
Oh, wow. Cool. Blue carpet!
That's even cooler than red.
Enjoying myself, saying hello,
meeting your coworkers...
Yeah, fine. Do that. But don't
do everything else that you're doing.
What is the problem here?
My problem is that you are my plus one
and you are flirting with my coworkers.
- I'm having fun. And I flirt.
- You are embarrassing me.
Wow! We've been here
less than 20 minutes, okay?
If I am such an embarrassment,
maybe I should just go.
Okay. Relax.
You enjoy whatever your version of fun is.
Are you...
You're seriously leaving? Really?
Holy shit!
Hi.
Hey.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to pry or whatever.
- No, it's all right.
I have a fascinating life. I know.
It's hard to take your eyes off of it.
I'm Dr. Greg Colter.
Oh! Okay.
I thought I recognized your voice.
Oh. Well, it's always nice to meet a fan.
Yeah. I, uh, listened to your show before.
- Oh.
- I heard that one where the, um,
woman called in about her mother-in-law,
who, like, wanted the key to her house...
Oh, God!
What a fucking Oedipal mess that was.
- That was crazy.
- Yeah, well, you really helped her.
I was listening, and I was like,
"This guy's doing his job."
That's the thing about people.
They gotta realize is that no matter
how mundane their lives seem to be,
usually they are deeply fucked up.
Which, case in point...
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
You from the New York team, or...
No. No, no,
I'm, uh, somebody's date.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
I got to say, it is surreal, like,
hearing your voice come out of your mouth.
I know you probably get that,
like, all the time, but...
- I hear it here and there.
- Ah, you get it a lot.
I bet you do.
- And I don't mean in a bad way.
- I do.
No, no, no. No, no.
No, I mean your voice matches your...
- head.
- No, I...
I take it as a compliment. Truly.
- Hey, man, I like you.
- Yeah.
Hey, you know,
usually when I, uh, go to a party,
I just meet one person who's interesting,
then I, like, latch on to them.
- That's what I do.
- You mind if I latch?
- Oh, uh, of course. Latch away.
- Okay.
So, like, how are you liking LA so far?
Like, you got to be loving it, right?
Oh, well,
sometimes I actually get really sad.
Aw. Well, I can only imagine.
I mean, you're so far from home, right?
Mmm-hmm, 9,300 miles.
Wow!
If something happened,
it would take me,
realistically,
three days to get back to them.
Okay, that is the lifespan of a cricket.
I just saw a whole Nat Geo on that.
Yeah. If my family sent me
a cricket for my birthday,
by the time it arrived, it would be dead.
Yeah, I guess. Do the...
Is that a cultural thing?
Like, you send crickets or something?
No, you brought up crickets,
and I had brought up the three days,
and that was the connection.
Right. Yeah. No, I thought it maybe
was an Australian thing or something.
When I heard we were merging with you guys
at Subzero, I was so excited,
'cause you bring
that real East Coast energy to the table,
- and I'm from Jersey, so I get it, and...
- Jersey.
Um, I think you're gonna keep us cool.
New York is actually
where radio got its start.
Oh.
You know, I think that, uh, this is
a good deal for all of us involved.
I think we should all celebrate this,
'cause we're all winning.
All right. Let's cut the shit.
Right?
Let's get right down to it.
Are you gonna fire everybody
in the West Coast branch?
Oh. I... I mean, we...
We wish we could keep everybody.
We really do.
Oh, shit. I was kidding.
Oh. Yeah, I know.
Like, we joke about it all the time.
It's, uh... it's...
it's just how we keep going.
- Cool.
- Uh...
- The reality, but... we persevere.
- Yeah. Um...
Well, we just wanted
to introduce ourselves to you.
I'm Erika, of course. We've met.
We know each other now. Erika...
Two nephews.
We're just so excited to be part
of the Subzero Gravity family.
- I'm gonna go to the bar.
- Yeah.
You know what I was thinking?
You dodged a freaking bullet last week
for not being here.
Because everyone had the flu.
Everyone in LA had the flu!
It was kind of funny
if you didn't have the flu.
I didn't have it,
so I was looking at everyone like,
"Oh, boy! What a shit-a-thon!"
Yeah, it's like, I don't even know
what the point of feelings are from a...
I don't know, like,
an evolutionary point of view.
Right? Wouldn't...
wouldn't we have a better chance
at survival if we didn't have feelings?
No. We are here to connect.
We exist to coexist.
Oh, I like that. Yeah. "Exist to..."
Okay. That's fascinating.
I love that.
I should listen to your show more often.
Blue cheese with endive?
Oh, um... yeah. Thank you.
- Thanks. Thanks a lot. Yeah.
- All right. Yeah.
Ugh!
- I don't like blue cheese.
- Then why'd you take it?
Uh, I don't want to make her feel bad.
Sometimes I worry, like,
it hurts their feelings
if you don't take their hors d'oeuvres
or something.
Interesting.
I know. I know.
It's... it's a little people-pleasey.
No. Just interesting.
It's like, I'm German,
and I'm Catholic, I'm Midwestern.
It's like a Neapolitan of repression.
Right.
Yeah, I got to say, it is, like,
so refreshing to be able
to talk to you this way.
Just, like, talk to a guy in a way
that's open and vulnerable and sincere.
It's, uh... it's very rare, you know?
Can I say that?
- Is that...
- Yeah, you can and you should.
I feel like I wanna hug you or something.
Would that be weird?
I think it would be weirder if we didn't.
- Ah! Come here!
- All right. Ah.
Why can't guys do this?
God! That's good.
Uh, hello! Hi!
- Hey.
- Hey!
Hi.
- Hello... Hi.
- Hi.
Oh. You two are, uh...
Oh, yes.
Uh, Mickey is, um, my mom.
Oh.
Can I, uh, steal you? I want you to meet
some other people that I work with.
Uh, okay. Yeah. Sure.
Mickey. We gotta go.
The Subzero guys are leaving.
I... Can I get one minute?
Are you kidding me?
Come on. Let's go.
- Follow me right now.
- Okay.
I'm good. You should go.
- I'm sorry to leave you again.
- It's okay.
But I'll be back in, like, one minute.
- Yeah.
- Don't worry. Don't worry.
- Thank you.
- I'll talk his ear off.
Okay. Bye.
Right.
Yeah.
I wanted to live by the beach,
but I rushed into a place in Silver Lake.
Yep. That's, like, such an LA thing.
It's so easy to get just swept up
by the city, you know?
Yeah, and I rushed into a relationship
with the first guy who asked me out.
I mean, like... yeah, Bertie.
There's, like,
ten million people in this city,
and you, like, narrow it down to one guy,
like, super quick?
- Huh.
- He seemed all right at first.
But then, uh, we took mushrooms,
and he kept talking about his urge
to murder me.
And then just people generally.
Okay, that's a red flag.
You know your true soul is revealed
when you're trippin' on shrooms.
I feel like I've made
a lot of really major life decisions
and maybe they were very bad ones.
You know, the statement that you just made
is, I feel like, a profound one.
Yeah.
I normally don't say stuff like this,
because it's so sad.
It's 'cause of my personality. Yeah.
You know, I'm a waiter, and people feel
like they can just, like, open up to me.
It happens at the steak house
all the time.
Right. I guess sometimes people
really need to go to those dark places.
Yeah. I mean...
I mean, I never do.
But maybe I should.
Yeah. I mean, who's your waiter?
Huh. Never even thought of that.
I can't keep just taking the orders.
Sometimes I have to give the orders.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And the orders are the things
that make you sad, right?
Well, for being a waiter,
the orders are the food.
- Right.
- Yeah.
But... but... Yeah.
You like truth, don't you, Gus?
Huh?
I like truth. Yeah, truth and honesty
are pretty crucial to me.
- Yeah.
- Sincerity, too.
Yeah. All that. All that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- So are you in love with her?
- Who, Mickey?
I mean, if you feel uncomfortable
with this, I don't need to press.
We can either talk about it,
or we can change the subject.
No, no. Wow. I guess...
you know, we haven't known each other
very long, but I do...
I really like her.
Like, really, really like her.
Mickey?
Yes, Mickey.
Because you know her so well?
Uh...
Yeah. What...
- Did your tone just change? Uh...
- Did my tone just change?
I feel like your tone changed.
- Really? That's what you think?
- Yeah.
Yeah, there was definitely a tone change.
- That's very perceptive, Gus.
- Mmm-hmm.
And that's one of the things
I like about you.
- How perceptive you are.
- So what is it?
What's the big secret here?
- What do you think it is?
- I don't know. Tell me.
Anger. Interesting.
Okay. I'm gonna go.
I mean, it was nice chatting with you.
Loved meeting you.
I think I'm just gonna feel out the rest
of this party.
But thanks.
It's sexual!
What? Did she sleep with somebody at work?
Is that it?
She slept with somebody at work.
I fucked her, Gus.
I fucked Mickey.
I fucked her against her dresser.
Okay. That's enough.
The point is she's a fucking user, Gus.
Mickey used me to keep her job.
She is using you. She doesn't like you.
You're just another schmuck in a...
in a long line of schmucks
that she sleeps with
to make her feel
like her life means something.
- You don't know what you're talking about.
- Maybe I don't.
Or maybe I see the truth of the situation.
Your situation. My situation.
Every idiot's fucking situation that falls
for that game.
You think you have something special here?
I thought I had something special, too,
but it turned out
it wasn't special at all.
And in two weeks,
when she's moved on to the next schmuck,
you're going to be left with nothing.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hey.
You having a good time?
Yep. Mmm-hmm.
Sorry that I dragged you to this party
and then just left you by yourself.
It's okay.
It's all right.
Are you upset?
No.
- Are you just hungry?
- Mmm-hmm. I guess so.
Hey, can I just get
another one of these, please?
- You got it.
- Thanks.
Yeah, I must be hungry or something.
What'd you and Dr. Greg talk about?
Nothing.
- What?
- What? I don't...
Yeah.
- I'm not either. I'm having a good time.
- Okay.
Truman just texted me. He needs some help,
so I'm gonna go.
Sorry to leave you again.
It's okay.
All right. I'll... I'll see you in a few.
Gator, coming in. Watch out.
- I'm sorry.
- Gator. From Gator and Ken.
That's a... show?
Yeah, I'm the one who always says,
"Pencil me out."
What a night.
You're just by the bar, you don't expect
to meet the Gator, and boom.
Here I am. We're having a chat.
Yeah.
That's a big shot, there.
Having one of those nights, huh?
Gator, I don't know who you are.
I've never heard your show.
Social media. You probably get
on social media, you'd find us.
Good to meet a fan.
Future fan, at least.
What did you tell him?
Wow. Lot of emotions
coming up tonight, huh?
Yeah. 'Cause you're
a narcissistic piece of shit
who has to stick your nose
into everybody else's business!
What are you trying to do?
Let me explain to you something, Mickey.
I deal with the real,
and I help people heal.
That's just something
you say on the radio.
- You're a fake radio therapist!
- Really?
Well, okay. Maybe I am.
Maybe I'm a fake radio therapist.
Or maybe I'm somebody
who has got your fucking number.
And I'll... tell you what I did tonight.
I saved two people.
I saved that poor man-child from being
another fucking victim of yours!
And I saved you from getting even farther
away from what you really fucking feel!
Get this out of my face!
Stay the fuck away from him, okay?
Are you fucking crazy?
He's the best thing
I have going in my life right now.
So just stay the fuck away from me.
I hate you!
Have fun in Bullshitland!
I'll be here when you get back!
I'll tell you, I moved out here
to be a stuntman, you know?
The other day somebody asked me,
"How long have you lived in LA?"
And I immediately said two years.
But then when I fucking thought about it,
I've been out here for four years.
And in that whole time,
you haven't got any stunt work?
No. Because it's not even about
what you know in this town,
it's about who you know, you know?
That's why I'm here tonight.
To try to make connections and network.
But, oh, yeah, that really seems
to be fucking working.
Well, it seems to me that radio
would have the least number of stunts.
And it's like, I'd be fine
with my stunt career being nowhere
if I had a great personal life.
But, oh! I don't have
a great personal life either.
I'm always depressed,
and I just mask it.
You don't have any time
to have a good personal life,
'cause you're trying to be a stuntman,
which is not working out at all.
Yeah. Bullshit, you know?
- I'm 31 years old right now, right?
- Uh-huh.
- Even if I meet my soul mate tomorrow...
- Unlikely.
Right. By the time my son or daughter
graduates from college,
I'll be old, and they...
I probably won't even be able
to go skiing with them.
These are the last great days
of my boobs.
My future husband
will never see my boobs at their best.
I'm just, like, bummed out now.
- Yeah, I feel really sad.
- Yeah, me too.
- Hey!
- Hey.
Finally ran into you.
What's up?
What's going on?
I'm feeling a little wiped out.
Thanks for inviting me, Gus.
Great party.
Hi.
- Hey.
- So...
I know what you and Dr. Greg talked about.
Oh.
That wasn't my finest hour.
But you and I weren't even dating then,
so I don't get why you're mad at me.
'Cause he said, like, everything I'm,
like, worried might be true. I don't know.
What? What... what did he say to you?
He said you didn't really like me,
and that...
you were just using me, and that...
what we had wasn't special.
- What?
- I mean, is that true?
No, it's not true.
Why would you listen to him, anyway?
He's not a real doctor.
He's like Dr. Phil.
- Dr. Phil's not a real doctor?
- Whatever. That's beside the point.
Dr. Greg isn't my therapist.
I haven't, like, told him
my deepest, darkest secrets.
He's an asshole anyway,
and he's jealous, okay?
He's...
Fuck that guy!
Yeah.
Do you wanna just, like,
dance or something?
- Come on.
- Okay.
Let's do it.
We're almost done, okay?
So everyone at the party
will be gathered round.
And then they'll dim the lights.
And then I'll say,
"The most exciting merger in broadcast
entertainment has now come to pass.
Gravity Satellite Radio is now...
Gravity Subzero."
Sounds like the reason an astronaut died.
"We don't know what to do.
He was in Gravity Subzero."
Truman. I can't.
- I can't with you right now.
- Sorry.
All right, that's all for now.
- Mickey, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Yeah.
What's up?
These guys don't get it.
This is a merger.
Staff is gonna get cut.
Have you heard who?
'Cause I nominate Ken in IT.
He takes these nasty shits,
and then he doesn't flush.
- I kind of respect it as a power move.
- This is not a joke.
A lot of people are gonna get fired.
And we are not immune,
because those Subzero guys
are fucking ruthless.
So smart, strong women like us,
we need to stick together.
Yeah, of course. I...
Whatever you say.
Uh, what's the plan?
Well, we're gonna get in there,
and we're gonna make sure
they know who we are.
And have them associate
a face with a name,
because faceless people
are the ones that get screwed.
That's really smart.
That's like...
That's what hostage negotiators do.
They... they humanize the captives.
It's like, "I'm Erika.
I'm Erika. I just bought a camper.
Know me."
"I'm Mickey.
Um, uh...
I have a lot of debt and a bad habit
of buying expensive T-shirts."
- All right.
- "You'll grow to love me."
That's pretty good.
Mickey.
Uh, sorry, Erika, I need to speak
with Mickey for a moment.
Just need to borrow her for a sec.
Promise to bring her back unharmed.
Right... right in the... Right now?
Uh, yeah, just...
I gotta get in the studio.
- So...
- Great.
So what's up?
So, uh, you wanna...
you wanna sit down?
No.
No, you're right.
It's better if we stand.
Uh...
Okay, so it's about the party.
How to put this gently?
I'm so sorry, but I'm bringing a plus one.
- Great.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, Mickey.
Don't say, "Great,"
and walk out like that.
- It's okay if it stings a little bit.
- It doesn't sting.
Really?
I slept with you
because I thought it would save my job,
and it was a mistake.
Sure. Repressed emotions
are something I'm very familiar with.
I deal with it all the time on my show.
- I'm gonna be honest with you.
- Please.
You disgust me.
Oh...
Wow.
It is just very interesting
how we choose our words,
and how we express
those words in order to...
I'm so looking forward to meeting
your plus one, if she exists.
Well, she does.
Her name is Patricia,
and she's a pretty fuckin' big deal
in young adult publishing.
Are you bringing anyone?
Excuse me!
Great talking with you! Great!
Glad we could connect on that.
You're really good at communicating!
How do I look?
Hopefully like somebody
you wouldn't want to fire.
Wow. You look great. Beautiful.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I wouldn't fire you.
Thanks.
I didn't realize I was gonna have
to schmooze so much to save my job.
Oh. That's cool.
Oh, just as a heads-up,
I have never brought a guy
to one of these,
so people may be staring at you.
Okay. So, um...
how we gonna
introduce ourselves?
Uh, I just thought
we'd say we were dating.
Okay.
- You didn't like that?
- No! No, I don't care. I...
I was actually trying to say that "okay"
as, like, neutral as possible, you know?
I don't want to be too freaked out
or too eager.
So, no, that's... that's good.
- I mean... Yeah.
- Dating. Yeah.
We don't have to, like, put a label on it.
But I just sort of assumed
that we're not sleeping with other people.
I mean, I'm not.
I'm not either.
And if somebody asks, I'll just say,
"This is Gus. I could fuck other dudes,
but I choose not to."
Great.
And I'll say, "Hi, I'm Gus.
I'm the only guy she's fucking."
- Mmm!
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
- It's cool. Yeah.
Just tell me if you're miserable,
and, like, you can go.
- I swear. I'll put you in an Uber.
- I won't be miserable.
- I'll pay for it.
- It's fine.
- No. No, don't worry about me.
- Okay.
- Don't worry about me.
- Oh! There's Truman.
- Mickey!
- Hi! That is that girl, Lilly.
- Remember I told you that day I had...
- Right. Right.
- Yes, yes. Hi, guys!
- Hey!
So good to see
the two of you together...
still. Lilly, uh...
Isn't this the worst?
I hate this lame shit.
I'm a corporate whore.
We all are.
Who's this?
Oh. Uh, this is Gus.
Sorry to be so rude.
Uh, he's my husband.
We're married.
Ah, Gus! The Gus?
Yeah, that's right. Hey!
Oh. Uh, Erika's waving at me.
So I gotta go.
Are you gonna be all right?
Yeah, do your thing. Totally.
Don't worry about Gus.
We're gonna take good care of him.
- Aw.
- Thanks.
You cool?
Yeah.
Okay.
- Hi. Whose list are you on?
- Hey.
Oh. Uh, it's Mickey.
She works here.
Yeah, I need a last name.
Oh, uh... Ah, shit, I don't remember.
Um, she's, um... she's blonde.
Uh, like, um,
really kind of healthy-looking.
Like, I feel like it could be,
like, Baker?
Uh, if you could look on there for Baker,
or it could easily be Jones, I feel like.
Could you just look in there for Jones?
Yeah, you can't just guess
all existing names.
It's Mickey Dobbs.
Oh, hey, I remember you.
We met at Gus' party.
- Hello! I'm Bertie Bauer.
- Hi!
Ah, cool.
Uh, yeah, and Chris Czajkowski.
Um, it's, uh, spelled just like it sounds.
C-Z-A-J-K... Owski.
- Oh. Yeah, I see it. Okay.
- Oh, yeah, it's right there.
- Go right in.
- Thank you so much.
Oh, wow. Cool. Blue carpet!
That's even cooler than red.
Enjoying myself, saying hello,
meeting your coworkers...
Yeah, fine. Do that. But don't
do everything else that you're doing.
What is the problem here?
My problem is that you are my plus one
and you are flirting with my coworkers.
- I'm having fun. And I flirt.
- You are embarrassing me.
Wow! We've been here
less than 20 minutes, okay?
If I am such an embarrassment,
maybe I should just go.
Okay. Relax.
You enjoy whatever your version of fun is.
Are you...
You're seriously leaving? Really?
Holy shit!
Hi.
Hey.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to pry or whatever.
- No, it's all right.
I have a fascinating life. I know.
It's hard to take your eyes off of it.
I'm Dr. Greg Colter.
Oh! Okay.
I thought I recognized your voice.
Oh. Well, it's always nice to meet a fan.
Yeah. I, uh, listened to your show before.
- Oh.
- I heard that one where the, um,
woman called in about her mother-in-law,
who, like, wanted the key to her house...
Oh, God!
What a fucking Oedipal mess that was.
- That was crazy.
- Yeah, well, you really helped her.
I was listening, and I was like,
"This guy's doing his job."
That's the thing about people.
They gotta realize is that no matter
how mundane their lives seem to be,
usually they are deeply fucked up.
Which, case in point...
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
You from the New York team, or...
No. No, no,
I'm, uh, somebody's date.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
I got to say, it is surreal, like,
hearing your voice come out of your mouth.
I know you probably get that,
like, all the time, but...
- I hear it here and there.
- Ah, you get it a lot.
I bet you do.
- And I don't mean in a bad way.
- I do.
No, no, no. No, no.
No, I mean your voice matches your...
- head.
- No, I...
I take it as a compliment. Truly.
- Hey, man, I like you.
- Yeah.
Hey, you know,
usually when I, uh, go to a party,
I just meet one person who's interesting,
then I, like, latch on to them.
- That's what I do.
- You mind if I latch?
- Oh, uh, of course. Latch away.
- Okay.
So, like, how are you liking LA so far?
Like, you got to be loving it, right?
Oh, well,
sometimes I actually get really sad.
Aw. Well, I can only imagine.
I mean, you're so far from home, right?
Mmm-hmm, 9,300 miles.
Wow!
If something happened,
it would take me,
realistically,
three days to get back to them.
Okay, that is the lifespan of a cricket.
I just saw a whole Nat Geo on that.
Yeah. If my family sent me
a cricket for my birthday,
by the time it arrived, it would be dead.
Yeah, I guess. Do the...
Is that a cultural thing?
Like, you send crickets or something?
No, you brought up crickets,
and I had brought up the three days,
and that was the connection.
Right. Yeah. No, I thought it maybe
was an Australian thing or something.
When I heard we were merging with you guys
at Subzero, I was so excited,
'cause you bring
that real East Coast energy to the table,
- and I'm from Jersey, so I get it, and...
- Jersey.
Um, I think you're gonna keep us cool.
New York is actually
where radio got its start.
Oh.
You know, I think that, uh, this is
a good deal for all of us involved.
I think we should all celebrate this,
'cause we're all winning.
All right. Let's cut the shit.
Right?
Let's get right down to it.
Are you gonna fire everybody
in the West Coast branch?
Oh. I... I mean, we...
We wish we could keep everybody.
We really do.
Oh, shit. I was kidding.
Oh. Yeah, I know.
Like, we joke about it all the time.
It's, uh... it's...
it's just how we keep going.
- Cool.
- Uh...
- The reality, but... we persevere.
- Yeah. Um...
Well, we just wanted
to introduce ourselves to you.
I'm Erika, of course. We've met.
We know each other now. Erika...
Two nephews.
We're just so excited to be part
of the Subzero Gravity family.
- I'm gonna go to the bar.
- Yeah.
You know what I was thinking?
You dodged a freaking bullet last week
for not being here.
Because everyone had the flu.
Everyone in LA had the flu!
It was kind of funny
if you didn't have the flu.
I didn't have it,
so I was looking at everyone like,
"Oh, boy! What a shit-a-thon!"
Yeah, it's like, I don't even know
what the point of feelings are from a...
I don't know, like,
an evolutionary point of view.
Right? Wouldn't...
wouldn't we have a better chance
at survival if we didn't have feelings?
No. We are here to connect.
We exist to coexist.
Oh, I like that. Yeah. "Exist to..."
Okay. That's fascinating.
I love that.
I should listen to your show more often.
Blue cheese with endive?
Oh, um... yeah. Thank you.
- Thanks. Thanks a lot. Yeah.
- All right. Yeah.
Ugh!
- I don't like blue cheese.
- Then why'd you take it?
Uh, I don't want to make her feel bad.
Sometimes I worry, like,
it hurts their feelings
if you don't take their hors d'oeuvres
or something.
Interesting.
I know. I know.
It's... it's a little people-pleasey.
No. Just interesting.
It's like, I'm German,
and I'm Catholic, I'm Midwestern.
It's like a Neapolitan of repression.
Right.
Yeah, I got to say, it is, like,
so refreshing to be able
to talk to you this way.
Just, like, talk to a guy in a way
that's open and vulnerable and sincere.
It's, uh... it's very rare, you know?
Can I say that?
- Is that...
- Yeah, you can and you should.
I feel like I wanna hug you or something.
Would that be weird?
I think it would be weirder if we didn't.
- Ah! Come here!
- All right. Ah.
Why can't guys do this?
God! That's good.
Uh, hello! Hi!
- Hey.
- Hey!
Hi.
- Hello... Hi.
- Hi.
Oh. You two are, uh...
Oh, yes.
Uh, Mickey is, um, my mom.
Oh.
Can I, uh, steal you? I want you to meet
some other people that I work with.
Uh, okay. Yeah. Sure.
Mickey. We gotta go.
The Subzero guys are leaving.
I... Can I get one minute?
Are you kidding me?
Come on. Let's go.
- Follow me right now.
- Okay.
I'm good. You should go.
- I'm sorry to leave you again.
- It's okay.
But I'll be back in, like, one minute.
- Yeah.
- Don't worry. Don't worry.
- Thank you.
- I'll talk his ear off.
Okay. Bye.
Right.
Yeah.
I wanted to live by the beach,
but I rushed into a place in Silver Lake.
Yep. That's, like, such an LA thing.
It's so easy to get just swept up
by the city, you know?
Yeah, and I rushed into a relationship
with the first guy who asked me out.
I mean, like... yeah, Bertie.
There's, like,
ten million people in this city,
and you, like, narrow it down to one guy,
like, super quick?
- Huh.
- He seemed all right at first.
But then, uh, we took mushrooms,
and he kept talking about his urge
to murder me.
And then just people generally.
Okay, that's a red flag.
You know your true soul is revealed
when you're trippin' on shrooms.
I feel like I've made
a lot of really major life decisions
and maybe they were very bad ones.
You know, the statement that you just made
is, I feel like, a profound one.
Yeah.
I normally don't say stuff like this,
because it's so sad.
It's 'cause of my personality. Yeah.
You know, I'm a waiter, and people feel
like they can just, like, open up to me.
It happens at the steak house
all the time.
Right. I guess sometimes people
really need to go to those dark places.
Yeah. I mean...
I mean, I never do.
But maybe I should.
Yeah. I mean, who's your waiter?
Huh. Never even thought of that.
I can't keep just taking the orders.
Sometimes I have to give the orders.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And the orders are the things
that make you sad, right?
Well, for being a waiter,
the orders are the food.
- Right.
- Yeah.
But... but... Yeah.
You like truth, don't you, Gus?
Huh?
I like truth. Yeah, truth and honesty
are pretty crucial to me.
- Yeah.
- Sincerity, too.
Yeah. All that. All that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- So are you in love with her?
- Who, Mickey?
I mean, if you feel uncomfortable
with this, I don't need to press.
We can either talk about it,
or we can change the subject.
No, no. Wow. I guess...
you know, we haven't known each other
very long, but I do...
I really like her.
Like, really, really like her.
Mickey?
Yes, Mickey.
Because you know her so well?
Uh...
Yeah. What...
- Did your tone just change? Uh...
- Did my tone just change?
I feel like your tone changed.
- Really? That's what you think?
- Yeah.
Yeah, there was definitely a tone change.
- That's very perceptive, Gus.
- Mmm-hmm.
And that's one of the things
I like about you.
- How perceptive you are.
- So what is it?
What's the big secret here?
- What do you think it is?
- I don't know. Tell me.
Anger. Interesting.
Okay. I'm gonna go.
I mean, it was nice chatting with you.
Loved meeting you.
I think I'm just gonna feel out the rest
of this party.
But thanks.
It's sexual!
What? Did she sleep with somebody at work?
Is that it?
She slept with somebody at work.
I fucked her, Gus.
I fucked Mickey.
I fucked her against her dresser.
Okay. That's enough.
The point is she's a fucking user, Gus.
Mickey used me to keep her job.
She is using you. She doesn't like you.
You're just another schmuck in a...
in a long line of schmucks
that she sleeps with
to make her feel
like her life means something.
- You don't know what you're talking about.
- Maybe I don't.
Or maybe I see the truth of the situation.
Your situation. My situation.
Every idiot's fucking situation that falls
for that game.
You think you have something special here?
I thought I had something special, too,
but it turned out
it wasn't special at all.
And in two weeks,
when she's moved on to the next schmuck,
you're going to be left with nothing.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hey.
You having a good time?
Yep. Mmm-hmm.
Sorry that I dragged you to this party
and then just left you by yourself.
It's okay.
It's all right.
Are you upset?
No.
- Are you just hungry?
- Mmm-hmm. I guess so.
Hey, can I just get
another one of these, please?
- You got it.
- Thanks.
Yeah, I must be hungry or something.
What'd you and Dr. Greg talk about?
Nothing.
- What?
- What? I don't...
Yeah.
- I'm not either. I'm having a good time.
- Okay.
Truman just texted me. He needs some help,
so I'm gonna go.
Sorry to leave you again.
It's okay.
All right. I'll... I'll see you in a few.
Gator, coming in. Watch out.
- I'm sorry.
- Gator. From Gator and Ken.
That's a... show?
Yeah, I'm the one who always says,
"Pencil me out."
What a night.
You're just by the bar, you don't expect
to meet the Gator, and boom.
Here I am. We're having a chat.
Yeah.
That's a big shot, there.
Having one of those nights, huh?
Gator, I don't know who you are.
I've never heard your show.
Social media. You probably get
on social media, you'd find us.
Good to meet a fan.
Future fan, at least.
What did you tell him?
Wow. Lot of emotions
coming up tonight, huh?
Yeah. 'Cause you're
a narcissistic piece of shit
who has to stick your nose
into everybody else's business!
What are you trying to do?
Let me explain to you something, Mickey.
I deal with the real,
and I help people heal.
That's just something
you say on the radio.
- You're a fake radio therapist!
- Really?
Well, okay. Maybe I am.
Maybe I'm a fake radio therapist.
Or maybe I'm somebody
who has got your fucking number.
And I'll... tell you what I did tonight.
I saved two people.
I saved that poor man-child from being
another fucking victim of yours!
And I saved you from getting even farther
away from what you really fucking feel!
Get this out of my face!
Stay the fuck away from him, okay?
Are you fucking crazy?
He's the best thing
I have going in my life right now.
So just stay the fuck away from me.
I hate you!
Have fun in Bullshitland!
I'll be here when you get back!
I'll tell you, I moved out here
to be a stuntman, you know?
The other day somebody asked me,
"How long have you lived in LA?"
And I immediately said two years.
But then when I fucking thought about it,
I've been out here for four years.
And in that whole time,
you haven't got any stunt work?
No. Because it's not even about
what you know in this town,
it's about who you know, you know?
That's why I'm here tonight.
To try to make connections and network.
But, oh, yeah, that really seems
to be fucking working.
Well, it seems to me that radio
would have the least number of stunts.
And it's like, I'd be fine
with my stunt career being nowhere
if I had a great personal life.
But, oh! I don't have
a great personal life either.
I'm always depressed,
and I just mask it.
You don't have any time
to have a good personal life,
'cause you're trying to be a stuntman,
which is not working out at all.
Yeah. Bullshit, you know?
- I'm 31 years old right now, right?
- Uh-huh.
- Even if I meet my soul mate tomorrow...
- Unlikely.
Right. By the time my son or daughter
graduates from college,
I'll be old, and they...
I probably won't even be able
to go skiing with them.
These are the last great days
of my boobs.
My future husband
will never see my boobs at their best.
I'm just, like, bummed out now.
- Yeah, I feel really sad.
- Yeah, me too.
- Hey!
- Hey.
Finally ran into you.
What's up?
What's going on?
I'm feeling a little wiped out.
Thanks for inviting me, Gus.
Great party.
Hi.
- Hey.
- So...
I know what you and Dr. Greg talked about.
Oh.
That wasn't my finest hour.
But you and I weren't even dating then,
so I don't get why you're mad at me.
'Cause he said, like, everything I'm,
like, worried might be true. I don't know.
What? What... what did he say to you?
He said you didn't really like me,
and that...
you were just using me, and that...
what we had wasn't special.
- What?
- I mean, is that true?
No, it's not true.
Why would you listen to him, anyway?
He's not a real doctor.
He's like Dr. Phil.
- Dr. Phil's not a real doctor?
- Whatever. That's beside the point.
Dr. Greg isn't my therapist.
I haven't, like, told him
my deepest, darkest secrets.
He's an asshole anyway,
and he's jealous, okay?
He's...
Fuck that guy!
Yeah.
Do you wanna just, like,
dance or something?
- Come on.
- Okay.
Let's do it.