Love (2016–2018): Season 1, Episode 6 - Andy - full transcript

[pop music playing]

What the fuck was that?
Fuckin'... What the...

[sighs]

- [cell phone ringing]
- Ugh. Ooh.

- Hello?
- [Mickey] Hey. Sorry if that was strange.

Uh, yeah. I mean,
it was super crazy, but, uh...

good crazy, I guess.

- Oh, you liked it?
- Yeah.

[both chuckle]

Well, we should hang out.
What's your week look like?

Yeah, um...
Well, I work tomorrow,



but I don't really
have anything the day after.

I mean, I do,
but I'd have to move stuff around,

so maybe, like, Thursday.

What about tomorrow night?

Yeah. Uh...

No, I got like a night shoot thing,

so I wouldn't really be able to meet up
until, like, midnight-ish.

I'll be up midnight-ish.

Okay... I guess I'm just
thinking out loud here,

is that like a weird time
for a proper date?

Just, like, call me whenever you're done
with work and we'll just hang out.

Uh... great.

Well, uh... [inhales]
Let's do a midnight-ish hang then, huh?

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.



[pop music continues playing]

[theme music playing]

We kissed and then she was like,
"Do you wanna meet tonight at midnight?"

So that has to be, like,
a booty call, right?

Something's different about you, man.

Like, you got a whole new swag to you
or something, man.

It's your glasses.
Where your glasses at, dude?

No glasses. Contacts day.

All right. Okay.

- Well, welcome back, confident Gus!
- Yeah.

Haven't seen this dude
in, like, two weeks.

- I know it's been a while, huh?
- Yeah, man.

Got to admit,
I got a little pep in my step.

- I see those moves, man.
- See that step?

- I see those, killer! Get down.
- Yeah, totally, man.

Cruikshank, from way downtown!

Oops!

Can't buy a bucket! [chuckles]

Sorry, didn't mean to do that.

I got... Thanks.

- What's up?
- Hey, yo, Wyatt!

Get at that hummus, dog.

- Pine nuts on top, very jiggy.
- Mmm.

Hey, Wyatt, uh,
so the Lakers won last night,

I was thinkin' of ya.

You were thinking of me?
That's cute.

- Oh, like, 'cause you like the Lakers...
- Uh-huh.

...and then I saw the Lakers won, so...

Lot of people like the Lakers, bro.

- [Kevin] Hey, Wyatt.
- Yeah.

You know Gus here
wrote a Witchita script, right?

You did? He did?
You wrote a Witchita spec?

- Yeah, for, like, fun. But, uh...
- Don't listen to him, don't listen to him.

Not for fun.
For, like, to get a job.

You wanna be a writer?
I didn't know that.

Would you wanna read it, or...

You can send it to me.
I'll try to read it.

- I can take a look.
- You know what? I actually...

- I got a hard copy.
- Oh.

Yeah. Ah. Yeah!

You're like a boy scout.

Hey! I was a boy scout.

Hey! That's so cool.

Well, now that everybody's finally here,
we can start the meeting.

- [Dr. Greg] Great.
- So, is there any outstanding business?

- Yeah, I have a couple small things.
- [sighs]

But, uh, the main problem is

we are just not getting good calls
from our listeners.

I don't know why.
So, what I suggest is

we start employing some of those
in-house, not 100% real calls...

[Mickey] I don't think
we should be doing that.

I just think it's unethical

and some of the listeners would be upset
if they knew calls were faked.

People don't care if the calls are real.
They care if the advice is real.

You see that, right there?
That poster?

{an8}The show is called
Heart Work with Dr. Greg, okay?

Just make the calls.

[indistinct chatter]

[clicks tongue]

Hey, Britney, what is new
in the world of wardrobe?

- Hey, Gus.
- Hey, I don't know if you noticed,

but they kinda got the AC cranked on
in there and I'm a little chilly.

Do you mind if I borrow a jacket?

Sure, but don't spill any food on it.

- Oh, no, I won't.
- Here.

Oh. You know what?
Uh, I kind of like this one.

I think it'd be a little warmer, too.
Mind if I wear this bad Larry?

- Sure.
- Yeah? Great.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

- Don't let anything happen to it!
- Oh, of course not.

Ooh! Yeah, I like this.
Feel like Indiana Jones.

Be careful with it.

- Right, thank you! Oop, hey.
- [woman] Easy.

[Jacob] I worked with Chace Crawford
on this stupid thing.

He said that on Gossip Girl
their trailers were, like, super trife.

That's so not surprising.
Warner Brothers is the fucking worst.

Like, I don't even know why...

They just don't know
how to treat their actors.

Yeah, they don't.

Okay, okay, guys. Come on.

We're getting off track.
Way off track.

So don't let me regret that I said

you didn't have to
sit in your seats today, all right?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Keep it loose,

but we gotta focus, all right?

All right, what do we got here?
"Mitosis."

Jacob, what's mitosis?
Lookin' at you, buddy.

It's a cell and then it splits
and then they're, like, exactly the same.

[blows raspberry] Perfect.

Couldn't have asked for a better
definition myself. That was good, yeah.

You seem like you're in a really
good mood today. Am I wrong?

- Do I?
- [Aidan] Yeah.

- Yeah, super good mood.
- [Simone] Yeah.

Do I seem, like, in a good mood?

[Simone] Like really happy.
[Aidan] Yeah, like...

I guess so.
I guess I'm in a good mood.

Good for you, man.
What's going on?

Uh... nothing.

I shouldn't get into it.
It's kind of personal.

- Hey, come on. Yeah.
- Come on.

- We're all friends here. Get into it!
- [Aidan] Yeah!

- I'm meeting a girl tonight.
- Oh-ho!

- Meeting a girl.
- Oh! Player!

- [Jacob] Getting that time in.
- Yeah, wear a condom, Mr. C.

All right. Now I regret telling you guys.

[male caller on phone]
I bought her the dog because she...

Well, man, I can't remember,
is this before...

This must be before I met her parents.

I should've brought this up
at the beginning of the story.

So anyway, she travels a lot for work

and this has become a thing lately
where I was willing to let it go and say,

"All right, it's a one-time thing."

Uh, but then, the other week,
she went to Atlanta,

and I'm just at home trying to...

Gotta cut you off there, caller,
so sorry about that.

Thanks so much for sharing,
very intense stuff.

We'll be right back on Heart Work,
this is Dr. Greg Colter.

Mickey!

God! Dr. Greg,
please don't make me do this.

These calls suck,

and I'm sure you have plenty of
fucked up experiences to draw from.

Or make shit up.
I don't care.

Fine.

Welcome back to Heart Work,
we have Mindy on the line.

Mindy, what's happening?

Hi, Dr. Greg. Long time, first time.
I'm a 48-year-old, never-married woman.

I am a huge fan. Like, if you had a book,
I would sleep with it under my pillow.

I'm just wondering with relationships,

how do you know
if they're gonna be good or bad?

Okay, can you be more specific?

Well, I'm in a new relationship
with this guy.

Okay, surely there must be something
more interesting about your situation.

How did it all start?

Well...

he went on a date with my roommate
and before he could leave,

I grabbed him in his car
and started making out with him.

Wow.

That's a powerful initiating move.

I have...

let's just call them
impulse control issues.

Uh, alcohol and whatnot,
so I just wanna make sure

they don't affect this new relationship.

Okay. Are you in
some sort of a program?

Yeah, AA. But, like, yesterday I told
everybody I was sober when I'm not.

Careful.
If you make your sobriety into a joke,

then it's your life
that becomes the punch line.

Mmm-hmm. I don't...

I don't understand.
So what's the problem then?

Well, she's not, I mean,
she's not a person, you know?

You need to...
But she can understand.

Like, you need to talk to her
when you feed her. Hey, one sec.

Hi! Gus? Hi.

I'll call you back.

Hi. Heidi.

- Heidi, yeah.
- Yeah.

We met like four episodes ago,
or something.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember you.
- Yeah, I play Elise on the show.

- Elise, the cousin.
- [laughs] Or so we think.

Oh. Are you not...
Did they change it?

- Is that something new that's happening?
- Oh, no.

[laughs] I'm just being silly, that's...
They didn't change it.

- I'm the cousin.
- Oh. Okay.

- Yeah.
- I was like, "Oh, spoiler!"

Yeah, I think, um, this actually
might be my last episode.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

- Oh, that's crazy.
- I know.

Well, I don't know. My contract's for four
and, like, they might ask me back, but...

Do they hate me?
I feel like they hate me.

- Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
- No?

Hey, the first few months I was here,

I thought everybody thought
I was a huge dork.

- Oh! [laughs]
- Yeah. They were wrong.

You showed them.

No, you know honestly,
with this show,

it's kinda like everybody
keeps their heads down

- and focuses on their own work.
- Right.

- Sure.
- I know it can feel like people hate you,

- but no, they don't. No.
- Yeah, okay.

The only time you should worry
is if they cut your line.

Or if they kill you.

- Not you. Your character, yeah.
- Not me. [chuckles]

Hmm, yeah, that's probably true.
I hope.

- [laughs]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Um, well, thank you.
- Oh, of course. Yeah, cool.

Um, well, I guess I will see you...

[in rasping voice]
at the gathering of the coven!

- Ooh, okay.
- [laughs]

- I'm not gonna, like, do it like that.
- Of course.

- Cool. Okay, bye-bye.
- But, yeah, okay. Bye!

[clicks tongue]
Just a hunch here, Mindy.

Do you substitute quick,
casual sex for real intimacy,

just because it's the easier thing to do?

Maybe with friends and associates,
or even people you work with?

Yeah, you could say that.

But I'm trying not to do that
with this new guy.

Well, do me a favor
and give me this new guy's number,

so that I can call him and tell him
to run away as fast as he can.

[sarcastically] Ha, ha! Okay.

I'm not joking, Mindy.
I'm telling you this for your own good.

You're not going to find yourself
magically in some non-toxic relationship,

unless you face your other demons first.

Yeah, but that's what I'm doing.

I've seen the pattern.

Sex, instead of
what I like to call "real courtship."

You are bingeing on this new guy.

Now, people think
that you can only binge on food,

but that's not true.
You can binge on other people, too.

And then before you know it...
[smacks lips]

[whistles and imitates explosion]

What's that?

That was you.
Melting down. Exploding.

Now I feel like you're exaggerating,
or just picking on me.

I'm not. I just need you to understand
that whether it is food, or drugs,

or some new guy,
whose got your heart all aflutter,

they all lead to the same things
as an addict.

Jails, institutions and death.

Fuck this.

These are harsh words, Mindy,
but you gotta hear 'em.

Thank you for your call.

Next up on the line,
we've got Georgio.

Georgio, what's happening?

Hey, Dr. Greg.

So, I was dating a woman for
a couple years and, uh...

we broke it off and five months in,
now we're still having sex, constantly.

You know, uh...
more than we ever had before and, um,

basically, what I'm trying to say is...

I think I'm in love with her mom.

Wow!

Didn't see that one coming, Georgio.
Thank you for surprising me.

[line ringing]

[cell phone vibrating]

Hey, lady.

Hey. Just a heads up,
some stuff came up at work

and it might be kind of tough
for me to, uh, meet up tonight.

Oh. Uh... okay.

Um... what's up?

Is everything okay, or...

Yeah, no. Uh, everything's fine.

Um, can we just play it by ear?

Yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure, um...

Is something wrong, or...

You know, it's... [sighs]

[inhales]

It's just, I... Oh, I'm so sorry.
I gotta go. I'm late for a meeting.

I'll call you later, okay? Bye.

Are you still there?
The signal...

[cell phone chimes]

[sighs heavily]

- Hey, Wyatt.
- Hey, man.

Hey, um, I was actually thinking about it
and you don't need to read my script.

I know you're a busy guy.
And I'm just having second thoughts.

Oh, I read the first, like,
ten pages already.

- Oh, you did!
- Yeah, kid, you did good.

- Oh, you're gonna sit down?
- Oh. Awesome.

Yeah. So what'd you think?
Are they, like, okay, or...

- So, there's good stuff in there.
- Okay.

A couple of big thoughts.

One is that the witchcraft
has to feel real.

- Right.
- And like Susan Cheryl always says, like,

"If you were a witch, what would you do?"
So make it more...

- a little more character-based.
- Right. That's a good note.

- The dialogue...
- Uh-huh.

- Forget the dialogue for a second.
- Sure, sure.

- Another important thing is that...
- Mmm-hmm.

...we need a big thing on Witchita
to happen every three pages.

That's a Susan Cheryl mantra.

- So, a twist, a turn.
- Every three pages.

- Yeah, something big.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Um, I don't want this to seem like
I'm just shitting on your script.

Oh, my God,
I just appreciate you reading it.

- You know?
- Oh, you're welcome.

- Or part of it. Yeah.
- Yeah. Totally. Um, for sure.

And, you know, 'cause I'm not...
like, a real writer,

- you know? I just wanted to try.
- Right.

Or thought it'd be fun
or interesting to try.

Yeah. No, we all start somewhere.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- So, for sure.

Um, they are about to rehearse
the bedroom scene,

and I wanna get over there
to look at that.

Really? Man, they haven't even started
shooting the bedroom scene?

No. Stuff got pushed.

I thought we were supposed
to be done at midnight.

Do you have somewhere to be
at midnight tonight?

Oh, um... I'm not sure, actually. But...

- Okay. Um, good talk.
- Okay.

- Yeah, great talk.
- I gotta get over here.

I thought that was, like, a great talk.

Cool. Yeah, no. That's awesome.

Hey, sorry.
We need that jacket back.

What? Why?

You shooting a scene with it
or something, or...

- No.
- Well...

can't I keep wearing it?
Just let me wear it a little longer.

- Don't forget.
- I won't.

Everyone does.

- I know, but I won't.
- You promise?

Yeah, just look for the guy
in the brown leather coat and that's me.

- Okay, I will.
- Okay.

[Len] Two nights ago,

I touched the first piece of white pussy
I've touched in at least six years!

- Atta boy! Mmm!
- [chuckles] Hey! But, like, no...

I feel like it's prejudiced...
It's racist to high five you about it.

No, it's not! It's just that ever since
I was young, like,

black girls like me,
white girls don't like me.

[Shaun] Frankly, I can't believe
anyone likes you.

- [Mickey laughs]
- [Shaun] I'm surprised anyone fucks you.

- [all laughing]
- Oh, there he is!

- Ah!
- [Andy] Oh! My dicklickers!

Come on, come on, man, bring it in.

- Bring it in.
- How you doin', lil' dicklicker?

- What's up, buddy?
- Come on, bring it in.

- How you feeling, man?
- Not ideal, not ideal.

I mean, I don't have anybody
to hang out with except you fools.

So if that gives you any indication
of where I'm at. [chuckles]

Hey, I know you.

Oh...

I don't know you.

What is your name,
you gorgeous little Nazi princess?

Mickey.

Wait, you don't fucking know Mickey?
She's the fucking shit.

[Andy] Yes, she is.

[chuckles] Whoa, what's that hair thing?

- [indistinct chatter]
- [pop music playing]

[Mickey] All right. To us!
[Andy] Cheers!

[Mickey] To fucking us.
[Shaun] To us! And cancer!

[Mickey] Whoa! Yeah.

Let's talk DNA.

Okay, so DNA is just, uh,
how life happens.

So, no big deal. Um...

Aidan, come on. No cell phones, man.
You know that. Put it away.

So DNA is, um...

Wait, is that...

Is that my phone?
Do you have my phone?

What do you got there, man?
Like, how did you... What?

- [chuckles]
- You can't just leave it on the desk.

- Oh, my God!
- Yeah!

How do you not have it password protected?

'Cause I'm from South Dakota, okay?
We don't lock things.

Does Mickey know
you're from South Dakota?

I bet she does.

Did I send... What did you text?

"I'm hard AF just thinking about tonight."

- Come on, man.
- Calm down, he's doing you a favor.

Girls love that shit.

No, they don't. Do they?

Well, it's...

Don't answer that.

Normally, I'd be into it,

but he's kind of dorky,
so it's surprising.

Oh. Now he's a "hard AF" dork.

- "Hard AF"?
- "Hard as fuck."

That's dorky.
That's... No, that's sexy.

Guys, that's not cool, okay?
What you did isn't cool.

[Simone] Wait, did she write back yet?

No, she hasn't.

Oh, the only thing I see is something
that she wrote beforehand

that I didn't even see. Uh...

"Poss on."

What does that mean? Don't...

{an8}Okay. Fine.

[groaning]

Why are you so mad?
I was only trying to help.

Okay, you know what, guys?
Can we all just stop talking?

Please? Thank you.

{an8}[inhales deeply]

{an8}[exhales]

- Oh, wait, he's texting.
- What?

What's he saying?
What's he saying?

Oh, almost. Nothin'.

What do you think he was gonna send?

Probably a picture
of his tight little butthole.

[snorting]

[chuckles] Just was afraid
to pull the trigger.

The hot sauce, you had it out here.
It's gone.

- Where the fuck did you meet him?
- [Andy] Can I get, um... uh, cilantro?

Cilantro? There's no cilantro?

- No, there's nothing here!
- Look, look.

No, I found some,
I found some.

- [bottles clattering]
- Oh, you found some? What you doing?

- I'm looking for the hot sauce.
- [man stammering] Ah!

- I feel bad!
- [Andy] I need to plug my phone.

I need to plug my phone in.

- [Doobie] Oh!
- [man speaking Spanish]

[Mickey laughing]

No plug there, señor, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

- [Doobie] Come on, Andy!
- What are you doing?

[Doobie] Let go.
[Andy] Get...

I just am gonna plug the thing in.

- That's embarrassing.
- There's a plug right there.

I'm gonna plug it in for five seconds.

- Five seconds.
- [Mickey] He's your friend, dude.

- Where are you... Oh, fuck!
- [Mickey] Oh, fuck!

[man speaking Spanish]
You can't come in, sir!

- I don't want trouble.
- [Doobie] Andy, Andy...

I just want a little juice.

Just give me five minutes.

[Doobie] Hey, I'm in the taco...

- [Mickey] Wait, wait.
- Take a picture real quick.

- Take a picture.
- One, two, three.

Smile!

You smoke that pole like Bette Davis.

[both laughing]

But you don't have her crooked eyes.

[inhales sharply]

You got... [laughs]

[laughing] Now you look like Bette Davis.

- [mocking] Bette Davis!
- [laughs]

[both laughing]

[sighs] Where's Doobie?

What... I'm here.
Doobie's gone.

Gone? Why is he gone?
It's so early.

You know...
Why is that such a shitty thing?

It's only 12:25.

- So what? Where's lover boy?
- [groans]

Wait, I... You were meeting up with him.

Guess he's still at work.
Fuck, I don't know.

Have you heard of ayahuasca?

Yes. Do you have some?

No, but I have the next best thing.

What?

- Two black buttons?
- Oh, oh.

[Andy chuckles]

Oh, yeah.
No, it's not...

- What is that shit?
- Sassafras.

That's basically ecstasy.

No, it's the... [stammering]

Okay, maybe.
But it... it's organic.

They make it from...
They make it from sassafras roots.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

We could go to a safe place.
I know a safe place.

- Okay, where?
- LA subway.

- Fuck, no! No!
- No. No, no!

At this time of night there's nobody there
and it's beautiful mosaic tile.

We'll see things.
We'll see our future.

- Let's take it and then we'll be sober.
- All right, fuck it.

- I'm gonna empty it onto my tongue.
- [Mickey chuckles]

Ew. [gags]

[making gagging noises]

[exhales]

You're not gonna feel it right away.

Come on!

[Mickey] You get the tickets.
I gotta text.

[Andy] Well, hurry up,
you harlot!

- Oh!
- Oh... shit!

[laughing] Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God,
are these the brightest lights ever?

No, that's the...
that's the drugs kicking in.

[Mickey sighs]

You know, I... Maybe not. I...
That's the thing about drugs.

I can never tell if this is just
my normal level of paranoia.

'Cause look at her, she's like...
She just looked right at me.

Can I make an announcement
to pe... everybody?

Basically, we're on drugs,

and it would help us
if nobody looked at us.

Oh! Margaret?

Margaret.

[Andy] Oh, my God, it's Margaret.
[Mickey] Do you know that woman?

[laughs]

Oh, my God.

This is my nanny from when I was...

Margaret?

[mumbles]

[chuckles]

[Andy] I'm just more comfortable
with somebody I know.

I just feel more comfortable
with her right now.

- This is Margaret, she's my nanny.
- Andy. Who are we going to meet?

Roger.

[stammers] He's a cute guy
that works at a... at a sake bar.

And... But he, uh...
If anybody asks, he's my cousin.

- Okay.
- He's my cousin.

My kissing cousin.

'Cause we kiss each other...

on the privates.

[Mickey laughs]

Is that funny?
You're making me paranoid.

Where are we getting off this train?

DTLA. That's...

Do you know what that stands for?

- Yeah.
- What?

- Downtown Los Angeles.
- Town El Os Angellel...

- Valley!
- Mmm, yes.

- What?
- Valley.

Oh, she's saying we're having a valley,
'cause the drugs.

The drugs give you peaks and valleys.

No, she's saying
we're going to the Valley.

We got on the wrong train.

I told you! I told you
that we had to get on the Blue Line.

That's not my job!

I told you, I told you, I told you!
You're such a stupid, stupid bitch.

[typing on phone]

- She's talking to you.
- [laughs]

[inaudible]

Oh, my God, we're still going.

Where?

My eyes are so dry.

We're gonna be there soon, I know it.
Uh, this... You know what? I'm sober.

This is taking so long, I'm...
Why did we do this?

This is insane. I thought the LA subway
was eight blocks long.

I'm over it.

Over it.

I wanna be home.
I wanna be in bed.

My stomach hurts,
my eyes are dry as fuck.

No!
No, Andy, Andy. Andy.

Oh, my God,
that's like Clockwork Orange.

- [sighing] Oh, God, that feels so good.
- Oh, shit...

[sighing] Oh, God. I swear to God,
I thought my eyes were like raisins.

[chuckles]

[Jacob] I don't know what kind of
deal with the devil you've made,

but we know what we saw.

[Simone] If I thought you had
the courage to tell anyone,

I might actually be afraid.

[Heidi] We must deny these accusations.

[Susan] Okay, okay, hold it there.
[Evan] That's a cut.

Yeah!
Great take.

Good job.

I think that was the one, right?

[Susan] Heidi, I actually...
Can I talk to you...

- That was rehearsal.
- [Heidi] Yeah.

Yep, sorry.

Um... I think it's great.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Um, this, uh...

"We must deny these accusations"
line is just, it's not working for me.

- Calm down.
- Okay. Cool, it's cool.

[Heidi and Susan talking indistinctly]

Sorry I'm not jaded. [laughs]

[Susan] Okay, did you get that?

You're gonna go right into your line
after her line.

Her line's been cut.
She's not gonna say anything there.

- Not at all.
- [Heidi] I could do something.

[Susan] No, no, no. It's fine.
Just go right back to your mark there.

[Susan] We're wasting time now.

[man] Just cut it now. It's fine.

[Susan] Yeah, I just did.

Have you ever been punched in the face
so hard that you shit your pants?

- No.
- I have.

What happened?

I met these two black girls

and we went down to, like, South Central.

I went in their car.
They picked up another guy.

We kept going.

And then I got punched in the face...

the side of my face,

so hard that... I shit my pants.

Every... Every bad choice
I've made, it's drinking.

Everything I've lost, drinking.

I got that Vince Vaughn movie.
I was right there.

I thought he was sober and we went out,
and he's not.

- Mmm-hmm.
- And we drank.

And then I... I blacked out,
but I know it wasn't good.

I probably got gropey.

I don't want to do this anymore.

God, I was doing good!
You know, I had 14 months.

It just so sucks
when you gotta reset that app.

Do you have one of those apps?

Oh, the sobriety app?

- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.

I got scared.
This dude's, like, nice and...

funny, and sweet, and... [sniffles]

I'm just, like, this piece of shit.

And I just wanted to save him from me.

[sniffles]

But that's bullshit,
I was just scared.

Well... we'll just reset our apps.

- You know?
- [sighs]

[sniffles]

[exhales]

It's... It's gonna be okay.

[sniffles]

Maybe we didn't do enough sassafras.

[laughs]

Hey, Evan, how are we doing
on time right now?

Gus, not now. Those kids got
plenty of trailer time today.

No, I just... I meant... Uh...

Like, when are we getting out of here?

That dude's a dick, man.
Don't even worry about him.

[sighing] Yeah, I don't know.
How did I go wrong with Mickey, you know?

Is she mad at me?

It's like I feel like I lost her somehow,
and I don't know why.

Dude, I don't even know
where the left turn came, man.

I would say at the beginning of this day,
you had a 90% chance of getting pussy.

I thought it was gonna rain pussy
on you tonight.

Now it's more like 100% chance of me,
like, jacking off.

- Yes. That is for sure, man.
- Yeah.

Well, thank you for the real talk.

I appreciate it, seriously.

No problem, Gus.
Stop texting that girl.

Okay. I'm done.

[sighs]

- He doesn't know what anything looks like.
- I know

Look at this monologue.

It's, like, a whole page of text.

[woman] That's ridiculous.
[Wyatt] I was like,

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

- Hey, hey.
- Hey.

Could I talk to you for just a second?

Yeah, what's up?

So you know how you said, um, if they cut
one of my lines, I should worry?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Well, they just cut my first line,

- so, like, I guess I'm off the show.
- Oh! That sucks.

I know.

You know what? Fuck that.
Fuck these guys.

- I know.
- You know?

[whispering] Fuck these guys.

Do you wanna make an impression?

Yeah, I... Yeah.

Mmm. You should do something big.

Like... Wait, what?

- Yeah.
- Like?

I mean, that's, like,
all anybody talks about here,

is, like, doing something big.

You know, Susan says that all the time.

She's like, "Every three pages
something huge should happen," you know?

Oh, okay.

So, you should do that.
Like, in your scene.

- Just do something.
- Okay.

- You know, improv something.
- Okay, you think that's gonna work?

- Yeah!
- Okay.

I mean, why wouldn't it, right?
What do you got to lose?

- [laughing] Yeah, I mean...
- Just say, "Fuck it!"

- Okay.
- Go ballistic.

- Yeah, fuck it. Okay.
- Just go crazy.

- All right. Yeah!
- You know?

- I could do that.
- Just throw it out there.

- Just throw it in their faces.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Will do!

Okay. In their faces...
Okay. Okay.

Could you not hover?

- Oh, I'm sorry. Am I?
- Yeah.

You gotta give us, like,
three feet, dude.

I can hear you
breathing in my ear.

It's really fucking distracting.

This isn't a bus.
How about over here?

I'm watching. I just...
I like the show.

Let's watch from right over here, please.

- Okay. All right.
- Thank you.

Okay, call it.

And... action!

I don't know what kind of deal
with the devil you made,

but we know what we saw!

If I believed you actually had the courage
to tell someone,

then I might actually be afraid.

Ain't no regular girl able to kill a man
like that with her own mind.

I think you two is witches.

You have no idea who we are!

- [screams]
- [glass shatters]

What the fuck?

And I'm pregnant!

Hold it! Jesus!

Cut, cut, cut!
And hold positions.

Nobody move.
We have broken glass.

Are you guys okay?

[Aidan] Yeah.
[Jacob] Yeah.

I'm so sorry. I just...
I thought maybe

we should do something, like,
a little bigger that time.

[laughing] It's okay.
That was cool.

Okay, let's get this
cleaned up carefully.

- You guys cannot move.
- [Heidi] Okay.

Obviously she can't be that big,
but, uh...

- Yeah.
- ...that kind of played, right?

Yeah, I like that character going dark.

- Actually, it works for us.
- Right.

You know where we could use her?

We could use her
in the graveyard scene with Arya.

- Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
- Yeah.

It does.

- Yeah, she can't be pregnant, though.
- Yeah.

Yeah, no. Fuck that.
She ain't pregnant.

Oh, fuck.
You know what?

She could be the one
to light the school on fire in the finale.

I like that.

Uh, Heidi. Um...

That was really unprofessional.

- I'm so sorry.
- Okay, don't ever do that again.

I will not... I...

- Ever.
- Ever.

- Okay? You lost your mind there a bit.
- Okay.

But we need you to do it one more time,
just so we have it clean and wide.

- Yeah, you got it. Mmm-hmm.
- Okay. Back to one, witches!

Can we get playback here,
on this monitor?

[Wyatt] Get playback
in monitor D, please.

[Susan] So we know
what the fuck we're doing, please.

[Evan] It's supposed to be
the biggest turkey drumsticks

of any Renaissance festival
around here, so...

[Heidi] Wow.
[Evan] It should be fun.

I don't know if you're...
But anyway,

they are thinking about
adding you to the call sheet tomorrow,

so, if you could be on stand-by,
that would be great.

- Sure! Thank you.
- Cool.

- Hopefully we'll see you soon.
- Yeah, have a good night.

- Hey!
- [Heidi] Hi! Oh, my...

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, thank you.

- Yeah! No, of course.
- [sighs]

I'm glad it worked out.

- Yeah.
- And that you didn't kill anybody.

- I know! I know!
- [laughing]

- Yay, me!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow.

- Um... Yeah.
- That was amazing.

I think, um, they're actually talking
about adding me to another episode.

- Oh, wow! That's cool.
- I think. It's so crazy.

Um, do you wanna get a drink?

Um... Uh, I actually already have plans...

- Oh, okay.
- ...for tonight.

- Oh! Okay. [laughs]
- So, yeah... No, no, no.

- It's so late. Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah, uh...

Couldn't... Can't flake out.

I guess I'll see you, uh,
the next time I shoot?

Yes! That's right.

- Yeah, definitely. Definitely, okay.
- Same time, same place.

- Well, probably a different time.
- All right.

You know that. [laughs]

- Okay.
- All right. Gotta run. Okay.

[Andy coughing]

Dude, I'm, like, really glad that we met.

But I am never doing this again.

Well, I might. [laughs]

[Mickey laughs]

Um, what about meetings?

What meetings do you go to?

I usually go to that one
in the church on Hillhurst.

There's one tomorrow at, uh, the YMCA.
Sunset and Alvarado.

You wanna meet there?
Noon. Tomorrow.

- Yeah, I could do that.
- You wanna meet there?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah?

[sighing]
Jesus, what the fuck do I do now?

Just get an Uber.
Go home and go to sleep.

No, I... [sighs]

Okay.

Hey, how 'bout, uh...
you want to share an Uber and...

[stuttering]

...come to my place, crash out?

How about we share an Uber,
and go to your place, crash out?

It's not gonna happen.

No, I'm not saying it's gonna,
I'm just... Okay.

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, you got reception finally?

Look at all these texts.

What... Who is it?
Can I get a ride?

That dude, Gus.

- Maybe he can give us a ride.
- [laughs]

[Andy] I really did have a good time.

[Mickey] Me, too.
[Andy] Okay.

[Mickey] All right, I'll see you tomorrow.

[Andy] Yeah. Thanks, baby.

[Mickey] Bye!
[Andy] Bye!

[cell phone chiming]

[chuckles]

[cell phone vibrates]

{an8}[cell phone chimes]

[cell phone rings]

- Hey.
- [Gus] Hey. I'm so sorry about everything.

No, I'm sorry.

Like, I was in this bar,
and I had no reception,

and I'm just now walking home.

No, no, no.
It's cool.

I'm... I'm sorry.
I felt like I was the one who was...

[sighs]

fucking up. [laughs]

I guess we're both fuck-ups.
So it's cool.

If you do wanna try this again...
You don't have to, but I do, uh...

Maybe we should pick an earlier time,
like 7:00?

Oh, 7:00? That's not, um... that's not
too proper for you or anything, or...

[laughs]

Fuck it, I mean, I'll do 6:00.

Oh, yeah?
[scoffs] Hey, I'll do 5:00.

Hey, make it 4:00, bitch!

Uh, yeah, let's do 4:00 then.
[sighs]

- All right. Good night, Gus.
- Bye.

[sighs]

[acoustic music playing]