Louie (2010–2015): Season 4, Episode 4 - Elevator: Part 1 - full transcript

(Jane whimpering)

(screaming)

(whimpering)

No.

(whimpering)

(Louie) Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, you okay?

I'm having a scary dream.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're awake now, it's over now.

It's over.

No, I'm still dreaming.



But it's better now.

Okay.

Okay.

There you go.

Daddy?
Shh...

Yeah.

I'm having a nice dream now.

Okay, good.

Keep having a nice dream, okay?

Yeah.
You promise?

Got it.

Okay, good.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, Daddy.
Love you.



♪♪

(door closing)

Dad, I forgot my science
notebook at your house.

Okay.

No, but I need it and I'm going to Mom's house.
I'll get it to your mom later.

What?
Daddy.

Girls, do we know
the subway rules?

Daddy.
Yes.

Do we remember the subway rules?

What are they?
Daddy--

Let's hear the subway--
just a second-- let's hear--

- I'm still dreaming. - Okay, come here,
come here, come here, come here.

Daddy, I'm still dreaming.

What?
I'm still dreaming.

This is all my dream,
it's really cool.

It's almost like real life.

Okay, the subway rules.

If you get on the train--
Wait, wait, wait.

But-- okay,
if you get--

Let's say you get on
the train--

Let's say I get on
the train and you don't,

you get somehow stuck on
the platform by yourself,

what do you do?
Then we--

we stay right there

and then you'll come back to us.

That's right.
Stay in that exact spot.

You stay in that exact spot

and you don't move, right?

Right.
Bingo.

Okay, what if you got on the train

and somehow I don't
get on the train?

When you're alone on
the train, what do you do?

We get off at the next spot.
At the next stop.

At the next stop.
What do you do there?

And then we stay there

and we don't let anyone move us

and we stay right there until you come get us.
Ahh!

Come on.

This dream's cool.

(wheels screeching)

Ah, it's coming, come on.

Ba-ba-ba, come on.

Go, go, go, come on.

Jane, you're with me?
Yeah.

Let's go.

Get on, get on, get on, get on.

Okay.

(exhaling)

So what do you need from
your mom's house?

You need your science notebook.
I need my science notebook

and I need it for Wednesday.

So if I get it to
you tomorrow, that's okay?

Yeah.
Do you need anything else?

No, that's it.

I need it by Wednesday.

By Wednesday?

So if I get it to you tomorrow, that's okay?
Yeah.

(man) Stand clear of the
closing doors, please.

(door dinging)

Jane, Jane!

(Jane) It's okay, Daddy.
Jane! Stop the train!

Open the door!
It's okay, Daddy.

I'm going to stay right here.

Jane, Jane!
(Jane) I'll stay right here.

It's my dream.
Jane!

Jane!
I'll stay right here.

Stop the train!

Dad, Dad, it's okay.
Stop the train!

Dad!
Stop the train!

Dad, it's okay,
she's going to be okay.

Oh!
Remember the subway rules.

The subway rules.
Oh!

Remember the subway rules,
it's going to be--

(bleep) Dad!

Goddamn it!
Dad, it's gonna be okay.

Dad, stop.

It's gonna be okay.

Okay, she knows
the subway rules.

We just went over them.

It's going to be okay.

As soon as the doors open,

we have to run--
get off that train.

Fast.

What are we gonna do
when we're--

we're gonna go up
to the mezzanine,

we're gonna go to
the downtown side,

we're gonna get on the first
train coming back.

We're gonna have to
come back downtown.

Okay?

And then we have to go upstairs,

we have to go outside,

we have to cross Lexington,

we have to go back downstairs

and then we'll find Jane.

Come on, come on, come here,
come here, come here.

Soon as these doors open,
we're running, you understand?

Running.
Got it.

Oh, Christ.

What is wrong with her?

It's not her fault.

(wheels screeching)

♪♪

Come on, come on!

Goddamn shit, goddamn shit,
goddamn shit.

Shit, shit, shit...

You shouldn't curse
in front of your daughter.

Shit!

(wheels screeching)

What?
You're okay?

Okay, love you,
love you, love you.

Sorry.
Okay.

Yeah, it's fine, Dad.

(man) Hey, are you okay?

Are you lost?

Well, my dad
told me to stay here.

It was part of the subway rules.

Plus, this is all my dream,
so everything is okay.

Your dream.

♪♪

Let people off,
let people off, please!

(horn honking)

(groaning)

♪♪

Daddy, it worked and this
is all part of my dream!

No, this is not a dream, Jane!

It's not a dream!

This is real!

People get hurt!

It's a dangerous world!

Kids get stolen!

And they disappear
forever, Jane!

This is real!

Bad things happen!

You can't do something
like that ever again!

Just--
Dad, Dad.

It's enough.
No!

It's enough.
(crying)

Go ahead and cry, that's right!

That's what you should be doing!
No.

You should be scared and crying!

Do you know what
could have happened?!

No!

It's not okay!

Never do something
like that again!

Never!

Why did you do that?!

Why did you do that, Jane?!
I don't like this dream.

This is a bad dream.
No, it's not a good dream!

You never do this again!

This is a horrible dream.

Come on, we're taking a cab.

I'm taking you to your mom's.

Go, come on, come on.

Hey.
Mommy.

Hi.

(Jane) Hi, Patrick.

Hi, Patrick.
Patrick.

Hi, Louie.

Hey, um...

something happened,
we had a thing happen.

What happened?

First of all, last night,
Jane had a bad dream.

Yeah, she gets those.

No, so...

but then this morning, she
says she's still dreaming.

Like she's saying how

everything is part of her dream.

That, she's just
being creative--

So then we're on the subway

and right before
the doors close--

♪ The craziest...
lined up today ♪

♪ And the thing
that would please me ♪

♪ Oh yeah baby ♪

♪ I just want to
know what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause you-- ♪
♪

Jane?

Jane?!

Stop, Jane.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

You tell me something right now.

Is this a dream?

Are we in your dream right now?

No, Mommy.

Is it true what your dad said,

what you did on the subway?

Yes, Mommy.

Sorry, Mommy.

You go to your room right now.

Okay.

Let's go, huh?

(breathing heavily)

Yeah.

Yeah...

(scoffing)

(nervously chuckling)

(inhaling deeply)

(clearing throat)

Okay?

Uh-huh.

All right, I'll talk
to you later.

Uh-huh.

Yep.

(horn honking)

(clanking)

(speaking foreign language)

Oh...

(elevator bell ringing)

(ringing continues)

(ringing continues)

What happened?
(ringing continues)

I don't--
I don't know.

What'd you do?

I just pressed
the elevator button.

Help!

(elevator bell ringing)

Someone's stuck.

Oh, shit.

Hey!

Hello!

Who's stuck in there?
(elevator bell ringing)

Help, I'm st--
(man) Hello!

I'm stuck!
Who's in there?

Okay, well, don't
ring the bell no more.

Just hold on.

You hold on here.

(woman) Hello?

Hello?

Help!

Uh, he's coming right back.

I'm afraid!

You're fine.

No, I'm not fine.

I'm stuck.

Well, yeah.

You...

Hold this.

(grunting)

Hello?

Can you get me out of here?

No, not right now!

Why not?

I can't move this elevator.

I gotta call
the fire department.

Can't you just get her out through--
No, no, no, no.

That's how you
get cut in half, see?

The elevator moves,

and she gets out partway...

(imitating slicing)

I seen a guy cut
in half like a fish.

Hold on here.

I gotta go call fire...

Hello?

Hello, is someone there?

Uh, yeah,
he's coming right back.

He's just calling
the fire department.

Can you help me?

I can't get you out of there.

But can you help me?

How?

I need my medication.

It's very important.

If-- if-- if you go to
my apartment, it's 2B.

Can you help me?

Okay.

I will give you my keys.

And, um, if you
go in my kitchen,

on the counter is my pills.

Okay.

I need them now.

I'm sorry.

I'll be right back.

♪♪

(floor creaking)

(pills rattling)

♪ Pee, pee, pee, pee, pee
pee, pee, pee, pee, pee ♪

♪ And here's to you
Mrs. Pee-Pee Face ♪
♪

(whimpering)

I called the fire department!

They're sending someone over!

Please don't shout at me.

I'm not shouting!

I'm talking loud enough
so you can hear me in there!

Oh, good, you're back.

Wha...

Oh, hello?

Uh, hi, I got--
I got your pills.

Oh, thank you so much.

Okay.

God bless you.

All right, well,
so you're okay now, right?

Well...

It's awful being
trapped in here alone.

Well, try to, uh,
try not to think about it.

Try to think of something else.

You know, like pretend, uh...

you're in, uh, you're not stuck.

You're in a little waiting room

with no chairs and no windows

like on purpose.

You're very kind.

All right, well,
he's gonna be back soon

with the fire department.

Yeah.

All right, well, you don't
have to stay here with me.

I'll be fine.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

Hey, by the way,

there's a woman
in your apartment.

She's asleep on the sofa.
Oh!

That's my niece.

I did not know
that she was home.

Oh, please, can you go and
ask her to wait with me?

Please?
Uh, sure.

But she was sleeping.

Oh, for heaven's sake, wake her.

You still have my keys.

Yeah, I do.

Okay.

All right, I'll be right back.

Hello.

♪♪

Hello, hello?

Hello.

(keys jangling)

Hello.

Uh, hi.

You're kind of naked.

I don't want to touch you.

(whistling)

Hello, hello, come on.

Hello, hello, hello.

All right.

(shouting in foreign language)

No, no, no!
Your aunt!

Your aunt...
(shouting continues)

...is on the elevator!

Your aunt is in the elevator!

Your aunt is in the elevator!
(shouting continues)

(siren blaring)

(siren blaring)

(horn honking)

(horn honking continues)

(exhaling)

Oh...

Oh...

Mother's tits.

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(doorbell ringing)

Oh, hi.

Uh, come, uh...

Hi.

(speaking foreign language)

I'm sorry, um...

Oh, oh.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
no, no.

Nah, just don't--
don't worry about it.

Don't, uh...

No, no, it's fine, it's fine.

It's all right.

It's okay.

(speaking foreign language)

Yeah.

(yelling)

Yeah, yeah, that was crazy.

You know, it's, uh...

That's nice,
don't worry about it.

Thank you.

Oh, is that...

(speaking foreign language)

For me?

Can you-- come in,
come on in.

Uh...

Come on inside, please.
Okay.

Come on in.

Yeah, this is my apartment.

Come on in.

Ah.
Yes.

♪♪

This is really good.

It's yummy.

Yum-yum.

Yum-yum!

It's delicious.

It's mmm.

(speaking foreign language)

You don't want it?

No, no, this is for me.

No, I'm not serving
you any--

Yeah, this is more for me.

(laughing) Yeah, here we go.

You know what?

(speaking foreign language)

Yeah, look,
let's just--

let's just go ahead and...

Let's just eat.

Oh my God.

I love, uh...
women.

Not all of them.

But usually when I love
somebody, it's a woman.

How do you know
you love somebody?

That's a good question.

How do you know you
love somebody?

You know you love somebody

when you share your innermost...

secret racism with them.

That's...

that's when you really know...

when you finally come out

and say, "All right,
there's this black guy at work

"and, uh...

Actually, you know what,
both black guys at work."

I have two daughters,

so I'm raising two future women,
you know?

Maybe.

I mean, one of them might
be a guy later.

It's possible.

It could happen.

Someday, one of my
daughters will say,

"Dad, I'm really a guy."

And I'll be like,
"All right, well,

"let's get you a dick.

"Let's get you a dick, honey.

"We're going to get you
the nicest dick in town.

Nothing is too good
for my little girl."