Louie (2010–2015): Season 2, Episode 5 - Country Drive - full transcript

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa ♪

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪

♪ Louie, Louie you're gonna cry ♪

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa ♪

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪

♪ Louie, Louie you're gonna die ♪

♪ Louie, Louie, Louie
Louie... ♪

I'm bored.

I'm bored!



Daddy, I'm really bored.

I'm bored!

I'm bored.

I'm bored.

I... am...

bored!

Listen, Daddy!

Ahh!

I'm bored!

I am bored!

I am bored, I am bored,
I'm bored, I'm bored!

I'm bored, I'm bored.

Bored.

I'm bored.



Why don't you answer me?

Because "I'm bored"
is a useless thing to say.

I mean, you live in a great,
big, vast world

that you've seen none percent of.

And even the inside
of your own mind is endless.

It goes on forever, inwardly.

Do you understand?

Being the fact that
you're alive is amazing,

so you don't get to be bored.

When you say, "I'm bored"...

Can we play
an in-the-car game?

What game do you wanna play?

One person thinks of an animal

and the other one asks questions.

Okay, all right,
think of an animal.

No, you think of one first.

Okay, I got one.

What is it?

What's what?
What's the animal?

Well, you're supposed to--
you're supposed to

ask questions and then guess.

No, just tell me.

Okay, it's an elephant.

That was good.

Daddy, where are we going?

Pennsylvania.

Why?

I told you, we're going to
see your great-aunt Ellen.

But we don't even know her.

That's why we're
going to see her.

She's 97, but she may not
be around much longer.

Why?

Where will she go?

He means she's gonna die.

No... Lilly,
please don't.

How do you know she's gonna die?

Everybody dies, Jane.

We...

How do you know?

I didn't die.
Okay, girls, the reason we're going--

( imitating gunshots firing )
Hey, hey, excuse me.

But people--
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Listen.

The reason we're going
to see your great-aunt Ellen

is because she's very old.

She was born in 19--
in the 1910s.

She... was around
when people went around

in horses and buggies

and the streets were lit
by gas lamps,

like little candles.
Really?

And you don't know what
that time was like

and you can find out,
if you talk to her

and learn from her.

This is a great opportunity
because, y'know,

you're gonna learn
history in school,

but there's nothing like
having somebody in your life

who can give you that connection

to another generation.

Do you love Aunt Ellen?

She sends me a birthday card
every year, my whole life,

and this last year
when I got the card

I wrote back to her and I said,
"Can we visit you ?"

And she wrote back and said yes

and then we made plans by mail.

It took three months

because she doesn't
have e-mail.

She doesn't even have a phone.

Really?

Wow!

Now I wanna meet her.

Me too.

( rock music playing on radio )

Oh, yeah!

♪ Who are you ? ♪
♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪
♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪
♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪
♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪

♪ I woke up in a Soho doorway ♪
♪ I woke up in a Soho doorway ♪

♪ A policeman knew my name ♪
♪ A policeman knew my name ♪

♪ If you can get up and walk away ♪
♪ If you can get up and walk away ♪

♪ I staggered back to the underground ♪
♪ I staggered back to the underground ♪

♪ I remember throwin' punches around ♪
♪ I remember throwin' punches around ♪

♪ And preachin' from my chair ♪
♪ And preachin' from my chair ♪

♪ Well who are you ? ♪
♪ Well who are you ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪
♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪

♪ I really wanna know ♪
♪ I really wanna know ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

Sorry.
♪ Who, who who, who ? ♪

♪ Tell me who are you ? ♪
♪ Tell me who are you ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who
who, who ? ♪

♪ 'Cause I really wanna know ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who
who, who ? ♪

♪ Who, who, who, who ? ♪

♪ Oh who are you ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who who, who ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who
who, who ? ♪

♪ Oh who the ( bleep )
are you ? ♪

♪ Who are you ? ♪

♪ Who, who
who, who ? ♪

( imitating guitar trill )

( scatting )

( scatting )

♪ Who ♪ ♪ Who ♪

♪ I really wanna know ♪
♪ I really wanna know ♪

♪ Yeah I really wanna know ♪
♪ I really wanna know ♪

♪ Tell me who are you, you, you ? ♪
♪ Come on tell me who are you, you, you ? ♪

♪ You ? ♪
♪ Who are you ? ♪

Look at the goose.

Look at the goose,
look at the goose.

Look at the goose.

Whoa.

Where?

Oh, let me see.

I'm bored!

I... am... bored!

This is her house?

Yeah.

You look sad.

Yeah, well...

Listen, girls,
Aunt Ellen is very old

and I don't know if
she can hear well

or what her...

Just whatever happens, I just
need you to roll with it.

Just don't worry about it.

Let's go.

Daddy, do we have an umbrella?

No, just run, come on.

Where is she?

Is she dead?

Lilly.

Hello.

Aunt Ellen?

( Louie ) Hello.

Holy shit.

( Lilly ) What's the matter, Daddy?
Nothing.

Hi, hi.

Can you come to the door?

Come to-- Yeah, that'll be
great if you come to the door.

( Jane ) Daddy...

Stay here.

Hi.
Hello.

Hello, Aunt Ellen.

Aunt Ellen, I... do you
remember we were gonna visit?

Oh, yes, I do remember, yes.

Great, well, it's good--
it's nice to see you.

Oh, thank you.

This is Jane and Lilly,
this is my daughters.

Oh... how--

They're--
What nice children.

Very nice.
Yeah.

Where-- where--
where's your wife?

We're divorced, Ellen.

Oh, divorced, oh...

Can we come in?

Of course, come in, come in.
Great, okay.

Come in.
Thank you, okay.

We're going to have a nice visit.

Aren't we?
( Jane ) Yeah.

I guess, uh, I guess
the last time I saw you

I was about 14.

Yes, well... yeah.

Daddy, I'm thirsty.

Oh, can I get her
a glass of water?

Of course.

Kitchen's right through there.
Okay, thank you.

Yes.

Well, sit down, girls.

Let's have a seat.

( water running )

Okay.

Oh.

I'm sorry I don't have
a lot to offer. you.

I don't keep
my food, y'know, I...

When you're just...

Oh, would you like
to have a nigger toe, huh?

Why do you--

No, thank you very much.

We ate on the road.
I see.

So it's--
How are you?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm all right.

Could you-- could you
crack this nigger toe for me?

Yeah, I got--
I got it, I got it...

I haven't the strength.

That's okay, I got it.

We were hoping you could,
y'know, tell the girls about

when you were younger and, like,

what life was like then,
that kind of thing.

Well, uh...

I've lived all my life...

in the country here

and not much has--
has changed...

where I am.

I stay away from the cities.

I don't like
the hustle and the bustle.

Oh.
Yeah.

Well, we know all about that.

Do ya?

We live in New York City.

Oh, my.

That's no place
to have two young girls.

It's nothing but niggers

and even worse today, I hear.

Why do you keep saying that?

Saying what?

That.
Nothing.

Lilly, don't.

Well, if you're not
gonna eat any nuts,

I'm gonna go find you
some cookies

or something.

I have some
store-bought cookies.

Okay.
And... someplace.

I don't know.

I'll be right back.
All right.

That's a bad word
she keeps saying.

I know.

Yeah, I don't like that word.

Well, it's not a good one.

Why didn't you let me
ask her about it?

Because it's...

I don't want you to upset her.

She's an old lady,
she's from another time.

But you wanted us to
learn about that time.

Yeah, Daddy.

Right?
Mm-hmm.

Y'know, you're right, I--
that's why I brought you here.

You know what,
when she comes back,

you can ask her whatever
you want.

Ellen?

Ellen?

I was reading to my kids
the other night.

We have a rule that if they get
their ( bleep ) teeth brushed...

( crowd laughing )

and their goddamn pajamas on

by 7:30,
I'll read a book.

Those are the rules.

I'm always glad
when they get ready,

'cause I like to read to them.

I do.

I love reading to my girls.

So we read
a book the other night.

We were reading "Tom Sawyer"--

I'm reading them "Tom Sawyer"

because Mark Twain,
great author--

And they're five
and nine years old,

they're young for it
but they catch up to it

and they're fascinated by
the-- all the lang--

He uses big words,
and beautiful writer.

And I picked "Tom Sawyer,"
not "Huckleberry Finn"

because Tom Sawyer is a nice kid.

He goes to school, he goes to
church, he lives with his aunt.

Huckleberry Finn is
a dirty little homeless,

little white-trash creep.

And the main problem

is that he won't
stop saying "nigger."

I mean, 40 times a page.

I can't sit on my daughter's bed

and just say "nigger" all night

and then put her to sleep.

I just ain't gonna do that.

Anyway, I'm reading 'em
"Tom Sawyer"

and it's a real nice book

but then,
all of a sudden, he runs into

Huckleberry Finn on the street.

"And then Tom saw
his friend, Huck Finn."

I'm like, oh, God, okay.

All right, let's take it
easy here, fellas.

Let's just have
a nice, quiet conversation here.

Let's see how this goes.

Huckleberry Finn was carrying
a dead cat.

It's not a good sign.

He's carrying a-- he's walking
around with a dead cat.

Tom Sawyer says, "What ya doing
with a dead cat, Huck ?"

Huck Finn says,
"Gonna cure my warts."

All right.

My kids are fascinated!

"Who told you you could cure
warts with a dead cat ?"

"Well, Tom Wilson did it.

"He learned it from Jack Johnson,

who learned it from
some nigger down the street."

Oh, God.

All right, girls, listen.

Here's the thing.

America...

People would say this
word and it's not a good word

and I don't know why--

I sound like Bill Cosby
right now, like...

( imitating Bill Cosby )
Well, people used to say this word

and this is not a nice word
to say.

And so we remember...

( normal voice )
I told the girls, y'know,

these boys are racists.

These boys are racists
and they're not nice boys.

I think we can still enjoy
the stories

about the fishin'
and the tradin' and...

It's weird, man, there's a--

Y'know, that's part
of our history

and we gotta--
we have to know it's there,

and how do you cope with
shit in your past that's bad?

Like, how do you try to feel
like a good country

when you've done shitty
things as an entire nation?

How do you take your past
and still feel good?

Y'know, like, I--

When I was eight years old,

I showed my penis to a girl
with Down syndrome

that lived down the street

and I've got to walk around,
living with that every day.

I gotta wake up
as that guy--

I was eight.

If I did it yesterday, it would
be considered a lot worse.

But I'm still
the dude that did that.

I was just a kid,
but this is still the penis

that I showed to the girl
with Down syndrome

by the dumpster behind
Kentucky Fried Chicken.

That happened.

Those were my values
at eight years old.

And I know that's
an awkward thing to equate

to slavery in America...

but it's kind of the same thing

'cause that shit happened here.

( Louie ) How old are you?

You're not gonna ever find out...
Come on.

if I can possibly help it.
Come on.

No!
I can find out, I just--

I know you can,
so you're gonna go

blabbing to everybody.
No, I'm not gonna tell anybody.

Everybody expect a call.

He's gonna tell you
exactly how old I am.

What?
Well, y'know, come on.

I'll tell you secretly.
Okay.

And if you ever blab it
around, I'll kill ya.

Okay, how old are you?

They're all listening, for Christ's sake!
It doesn't matter.

What are you doing ?!
I'm dying to know, just tell me.

I'm gonna tell you in your ear,

and you're lucky.
All right.

I mean, what, is everybody
gonna think you're 32?

I mean, come on.

Well, no.

But have you ever seen me
all dressed

and with makeup on?

I haven't, no.

I'm in the...

How many years does that
take you down, honestly?

I'm 89.

Are you 89, really?

Jesus Christ!
( laughing )

What did I just tell him?

If I never work for you again,
it's okay with me.

What did I just tell him?

( man )
I think I heard, like, 39.

Yeah.

So what do you think?

All right, 89, wow.

Is it making you nervous?

No, I think that's amazing.

Well, it's obvious--
it's obvious that

I'm not gonna have Alzheimer's.

No, that's clear,
I think you--

Yes, it's quite clear.

cleared that window, you're fine.
Yeah.

I went to the University of Chicago.
Well, you still smoke.

You still-- you can
smoke cigarettes.

That gives a lot of us--
I've given it up since January.

I never quite inhaled anyway.

So who's gonna give me
a cigarette after this--

We'll share one after this.

Listen, I-- this is
a wonderful company,

otherwise I wouldn't talk to
anybody.

But you all know that

and someone's gonna give me
a cigarette on the way home!

Okay, let's go back to that.
So what do we do now?

Okay, here we go.
Let's roll.