Lost Girl (2010–2016): Season 3, Episode 8 - Fae-ge Against the Machine - full transcript

What was supposed to be a much-needed night off for Bo turns into a scavenger hunt in a lawless Dark Fae territory. In Bo's absence, Trick is placed in a precarious position with potentially dire consequences.

Here,
Crickety McCrickerson...

Bo--

Do you want to find
the Zambian cricket

of good fortune or not?

[Thud]

Ow!

I think my shins passed
"good fortune" two hours ago.

Warmer.

The stupid chirping is
bouncing off every wall.

You need to be
able to distinguish

the original
cricket sound



from the echo
of its sound.

Hale went
full speakeasy?

Ridiculous.

Shh!

Warmer, Bo.

Warmer.
That's good.

Good, Bo.

Now concentrate.

Ah-ha!
Gotcha!

I missed him.

Again.

It was behind you
the entire time.

That was your
last chance

to secure the
cricket's good fortune.



Something you desperately
need for The Dawning.

And you failed, Bo.

That's a bit harsh.

Perhaps you need to let
me do my job, bartender.

I wish Kenzi
were here.

You heard
what Stella said.

Humans taint this
part of the process.

I am never
gonna be ready.

Don't talk like that.

You're going to pull
through this just fine.

You don't know that!

Bo, The Dawning
isn't all horror shows

and near-death
experiences.

It's--

Something that
we all go through.

And yes, some
of it is difficult.

But it is
manageable.

So you have
been listening.

Hale said he had
to drink six pints

of sour
Lochness juice.

[Laughing]

And Dyson told
you about his fleas.

Yeah.

I guess I do have
a fighting chance.

Atta girl.

Alright, coach...
What's next?

In order to enter
the temple

you must be given
The Invitation.

So now you wait.

Oh, please tell
me that involves

sitting on
my tired little ass.

The day is yours.

Yes!

Trick...

I owe you an apology
for my rudeness.

To make it up, I'd like
to take you to dinner.

Tonight.

Sure.
Of course.

Tonight.

Wear something nice.

[Phone ringing]

Hey, babe.

Yeah,
I miss you too.

No... all I want is the
longest afternoon nap ever.

Then popcorn and a movie
on the couch with you.

Yeah,
I'll call you later.

Love you.

[Cranks turning]

[Crying]

Life is hard when you don't
know who you are.

It's harder when you don't
know what you are.

My love carries
a death sentence.

I was lost for years...

Searching while hiding.

Only to find that I belong
to a world hidden from humans.

I won't hide anymore.

I will live
the life I choose.



If you are a cricket,
I will totally kill you.

Eek! I was on my way
over when I called--

I couldn't wait
to see you.

Oh, hon, me too,
but I'm so tired--

How did it go today?
Did you kick ass?

You look tired.
Are you a little tired?

Are you on crack?

Seriously, hon. Have you
been doing experiments

without your respirator
thingy. Because--

Look!

"We congratulate you
on being the recipient

"of The Moses Gomberg
Distinguished Award

"for Outstanding
Contribution in the Field--

"of Free Radicals!"

The banquet is tonight?

I know. I wasn't
their first choice.

The award was originally
going to Michael Snoode.

I take it his
science is sucky?

He's a total fraud.

He completely fudged
his radical numbers.

It's all over
the message boards.

Bo, I knew they'd have to
choose another recipient,

but I didn't think
it would be me!

Well, that's...
radical!

You'll come
with me, right?

I mean, you'll be
my plus-one?

And see the sexiest scientist
in the universe celebrated?

Hell yes.

Eek!

Okay, you go home,
get yourself all dolled up,

Crack open
some bubbly.

We'll hit the
pre-awards cocktails at 4,

settle in for the
banquet at 5 and wait

for the six o'clock acceptance
speeches to begin.

Yes, we will!
Yes, we will!

[Gasp!]

Acceptance speeches...

I have to write one.

Oh my God,
I need to steam my dress.

I need a dress.
Have to have a dress--

Do you have a dress?

I have a dress--

We should both wear
dresses. I love you!

Well, well, well...

Aren't you two cute.

Who are you
all sparkly for?

I'm taking you
out to lunch.

Why would you
want to do that?

Because everyone's
been lying to you.

This is lunch?

Tomato juice,
celery, vodka...

Looks like lunch to me.

I always thought a Dark bar

would be more
leather and spikes.

With peanut shells
on the floor--

For some reason,
I always saw peanut shells.

But, this looks like
a Light bar to me.

Except more attitude.

We've got
serious attitude.

Yeah, but that's not what we're
here to talk about, is it?

There's a good chance

you won't make it
through The Dawning.

That's not
what Trick says.

Or Hale, or Dyson...

I have listened to them
bullshit you all week.

The Dawning--

The Dawning is
the most brutal thing

you'll ever
go through.

Times infinity.

Are you trying to throw
me off my game?

Because this is my life
we're talking about here.

I'm trying
to help you.

Oh...

The leather.

When in doubt...
always go with leather.

Strange device.

It must be Hale's.

Wait--

I've seen something
like this before.

Though never so complex.

What is it?

This is Bo's invitation
to The Dawning.

In the form
of a game.

She must have
activated it.

[Ding]

It's ready!

The game has begun.

We'll have
to do it for her.

Do what?

Play the game.

Wherever she is,
whatever she's doing,

the game will affect her.

So what do we do?

Someone else
has to play.

Who?

Her closest blood relative.

[Machine whirring]

And Bo's
immediate future...

depends on you.

Why didn't anyone
else tell me this?

Because they are
trying to protect you.

But once you're inside,
you have to know

it is only you.

What if I'm not
strong enough?

You gotta--

What's that shit called?
"Self-talk."

What? Like, I'm powerful,
and brave, I'm--

Bo--

Right?

Yeah.
That's me.

I'm Pike.

Gosh, I have
wanted to meet

the unaligned
Succubus for years.

Oh honey, if you're trying to
pick up you're going too slow.

Why don't we skip to the
part where she says no,

then you can scoot.

Look, I don't want to
rain on anyone's parade.

But my friends and I--

Well, we were
wondering how you can...

call yourself "unaligned"
when you're clearly Light.

And how you can just
walk into one of our bars

and play in our sandbox.

Okay...

Is there going
to be trouble here?

Something tells me we're
not in for a group hug.

We're gonna
need a distraction.

'Kay.

[Whack!]

That'll do!

Go, go, go!

Thanks.

Balzac.

Well, thanks, Balzac,
I owe you one.

Excellent.

No!

--Crap!
--What?

You said you owe me one,
then you shook on it--

softest hands,
do you moisturize?

But that favour?

I'm really gonna have
to call that in now.

You must help me find
that which I truly seek.

Once again--
What?

You made a deal
with a Spriggan.

And it's binding.

What the hell's
a Spriggan?

So I shook the hand
of a Dark Pixie,

and now I owe
you my IOU?

Yeah, uh-huh, exactly..

I'm not much of a
"rules" kind of girl.

You couldn't walk
away if you wanted to.

Watch me.

This is me,
walking away--

[Laughing]

Ah--
Ha ha.

[Laughing]
They all try that one!

They all try,
it never works though--

But I love
your chutzpah.

But that favour?
Saving cookie?

I really need it.

But then you're free!

Of course you,
my dear, have made no

binding agreement
so you may leave.

What, and miss
all the fun?

--Nuh-uh.
--So what's this favour?

Whichever I choose...
Bo will be affected?

Yes.

But each could either
help her or hinder her.

I can't do this.

Bo is a descendant
of your blood.

Whatever she
would choose,

will be a choice
derived from you.

Therefore you already
know the answer.

There's isn't much time.
You must choose.

[Cranks turning]

Now we wait.

How many sub-basements
does this place have?

Well, Fang's secret lair
is very... well, secret.

Wait a minute-- Fang?
The Tong Boss?

That guy's seriously
bad news, dude.

Yes, but with Bo's
Succubus charm,

he'll be putty
in our hands.

And you're sure this
Cookie we're rescuing

from him is here?

Oh yes,
she's very small--

[Knocking]

Ah-ha...

All right.
Let's do this.

Great. Bricks.

That means
the secret hideout must be...

Here!

Only it's not.

What do we do now?

Bo, you wanna
step in here?

If Fang's hide-out
is so secret,

how did we
find it so easily?

There's got
to be a catch.

No, I don't think so, dear.
I really don't thinnk so.

I think we took a wrong-turn
at the pistons?

Ah-ha.

Excellent!

[Sigh]

Bo has succeeded.

And if she'd failed?

It would have
turned black.

And Bo?

The result would
not have been good.

The feared Tong Boss is
a teenaged hipster?

Do not be fooled
by his appearance.

Fang is as dangerous
as his name suggests.

Oh.

It's one of those
kinds of games.

And what kind of
game would that be?

The kind that
needs to be fed.

And again,
you must choose.

[Liquid pouring]

Yewberries?

Oh, dear...

So!

You find your way in.

Very admirable.

You sit.

You very pretty girls.
Mr. Fang likes you a lot.

You...

Come work for Mr. Fang.

No, thanks,
Mr. Fang.

[Whispering]
Not my type.

Please, don't
agitate him...

So what's your
type anyway, blondie?

Well... it's nothing
you'd see in a mirror.

Poser.

What you
gwai lo want?

Oh, great, now
she's done it.

She's agitated him.

Mr. Fang...

You are
so beautiful...

Yewberries
are poisonous!

They affect each kind
of Fae differently!

Yes.

Some, they
render senseless.

Some are inflicted
with temporary paralysis.

I refuse to do this.

You have no choice.

Mr. Fang...

you're going to tell me
where Cookie is, okay?

You're going
to give me Cookie

and you're going
to be cool-- [Mumbling]

[Mumbling]
Mither Thang, gi a cu-ee.

What the hell's
wrong with you?

[Mumbling] I hab na idea.

Oh no--
Oh dear, oh dear!

Oh dear,
oh dear!

You in big trouble, lady.

--Cu-ee o'er de.
--What?

O'er de!

Stop talking!

Wrong move, honey.

You think you can mess
with the great Fang?

You. Are. So. Dead.

Oh my--
Is he dead?

We must get Cookie!

Pick one.

Which one?

Your choice, Bo.

Which one?

[Whoosh!]

Um, does anyone else
realize we're being shot at?

What's with the--
old-timey blow darts?

That, that's just Whitman.
He's trying to kill me.

BO: Who's Whitman?!

Wow!
That was close, huh?

[With lisp] What the hell
is happening to me?

Hm?
Sorry, dear?

What happened
to me in there?!

Look at you!
You got your tongue back.

Yay! That's
a very good question.

I have no idea.

Why is this Whitman guy
trying to kill you?

He has something I want.

But he's the
one chasing you.

Hm.

Which, technically,
isn't my problem anymore.

Here's your "cookie" --
that which you truly seek.

Done deal
and deal done.

Oooh, except
this isn't it.

That which
I truly seek.

No, this will merely
grant us passage.

Passage to where?

Oh, here
and there...

Come!
We must hurry!

We have to get the
prescription from the Landlady.

Forty minutes tops!

[Phone ringing]

Hey! Lauren!

Mmm--

Why do chemists
like nitrates?

Oh honey, I'm so not
the person to ask.

No, no!
Why do chemists like nitrates?

Oh, it's a joke!
Oh, yeah-- Uh, why?

Because they're
cheaper than day rates.

And pause for laughter.
Okay, listen--

I am so glad that
you are coming tonight.

I'd be a mess
if you weren't there.

By the way, can I
borrow your bracelet?

The one, um--
You know the one.

Look, hon, I'm
gonna be a little late.

Like, forty minutes.

Forty?!

Forty-five, fifty.
An hour tops!

Who is that?

--What?
--Where are you?

Oh, no, I'm at The Dal.
Emergency training session.

We'll miss the cocktails,

but we'll make it
in time for the banquet.

Okay? I promise.

How long have we
been walking for now?

Oh, an hour or so.

You said this entire thing
would take "an hour or so."

But it's just one more stop
and then we're done, right?

Oh, yes.
Absolutely!

We must find the Landlady
then use the cookie

to gain entrance
to Brazenwood--

An hour, hour
and a half, tops!

Did you just say
"Brazenwood."

What's Brazenwood?

Uh, only a Dark
and lawless territory

where the fringe
of society, lost souls

and the criminally inclined
go to live and die.

Exaggerations!
It's in the country.

Lovely people. Quiet.
Keep to themselves.

It is a hell-hole and I am not
going past the front gate.

So--
Shall we?

No!

You lie about the
time this will take,

you lie about
what we're after--

Now you want us to go
to a Dark, lawless town

in the middle
of nowhere?

Where you'll
probably end up dead.

I have to get to my girlfriend.

It's a very
important day for her

and she's
very important to me.

Except that you lie
to her constantly.

Not the healthiest relationships
from what I can see--

Please, we don't
have time for this.

I don't care!
I'm leaving!

No, no, no, no!
You can't!

We must
save Hannah!

Talk.

Fast.

I'm a bounty hunter

for the Demetrius Institute
for Higher Learning.

It is a school that
specializes in giving rare

and outcast Dark Fae
a home and education.

Hannah is being
exploited by Whitman.

And I must save her,
so please--

I need your help.

You better be
telling the truth.

Muzzle it, bitches!

You're trespassing.

My dearest Landlady,

we are here
for the prescription.

You.

Infinity or a pit
of snakes?

Great.
Good choices.

Hurry Trick--

I know, I know.
I have only minutes.

Seconds!

The sands of the hourglass
appear to be speeding up.

Two cards...

choose one.

I hate this.

We're on a bit
of a schedule.

Choosing
supremely sucks.

Come on, hot pants.

You must make
a choice, Trick.

Hesitating could kill her.

Listen to
your instincts.

Focus.

Do it!

[Whispering]
Shit...

No one ever picks--

--him.

[Laughing]

They're just cards.

Who are you?

We didn't come
here to play games.

[Cranks turning]

Again?

You must pick one.

The last time
I chose poison.

Yes.

That was surprising.

Bo's favourite drink.

No.

Her least favourite.

One Elderberry cocktail

with nectar
of gnome coming up.

I don't like you.

You're trouble
and my babies smell it.

Now, get out!

Not until we get
our prescription.

You got payment?

These are some
mighty powerful tears.

Hannah is
a mighty powerful girl.

Now get her out of here.

[Dog barking, yelping]

Petunia?!

Whitman!

[Whoosh!]

That's our cue!

Balzac, we gotta
get out of here!

Or maybe we
gotta get into here.

Stop talking in riddles!
Come on!

It's okay,
it's okay.

Yes!

I'm over here
in the open!

Come on and get me!

Huh?!

[Whoosh!]

Ah!

Ah, ah--

Is that the best
you can do?

Ugh!

[Dog snarling / barking]

[whitman struggling]

WHITMAN: Ah!

We don't have much time.

You must get
to Brazenwood.

Take the prescription and
the cookie to gain entrance--

I'm not
leaving you here.

No-- No, no, no...
I'll just slow you down.

But you have
to get Hannah.

I'm trusting
you two girls.

Go, go, go,
go, go!

Ah--

Wait.

The entrance is
riddled with land mines.

If we go in without
actually using that cookie?

Boom.

Let's pay the toll.

Okay...

[Knocking]

[Music playing]

"You will always
get what you want

"through your charm
and personality."

[Chuckling]

[Gate creaking]

What's that for?

You said you'd only
come as far as the gate.

So... thank you.

Come on.

When have you ever
believed anything I've said?

[Sigh]

[Gate creaking]

[Clang!]

So I take it this is a B.Y.O.
Roadkill kind of party.

Stay alert.

I have no idea
how this'll play out.

This is your world.

Your rules.

Well,
there are Dark rules

and there are Dark
rules in Brazenwood.

Not the same thing.

Not the same thing at all...

TAMSIN: So...

You wanna tell me what that

Wanderer business
was all about?

You tell me.

You're the one who
freaked out about it.

Don't mess with me, Bo.

If you're
hiding something--

I don't know what
you're talking about,

and if you want to go
you should just go!

I don't wanna be here any
longer than I have to be.

I am late
for Lauren's thing.

I am up to my ass
in tumbleweeds

and I am stuck
here with you.

Trust me, I want out
as much as you do.

Let's get moving then.

Where to?

Well, we have
a prescription.

[Tamsin sighing]

Umbrella and everything.

Well, let's hope
Bo can hold her liquor.

So, now we just need
to find the pharmacist.

Or, like a pharmacy.

--It's not that hard, actually.
--Or something
with a "Pharma" in it.

What is with you?

You'd think that
he would just tell me!

I mean, you would
think of all people,

he would tell me!

Shh!

Who are you
talking about?

Um, Dyson.

He got his
love back you know.

But does he love me?

Hmm...
That's the question.

The guy is crazy
moony for you.

You just suck
at reading people.

I mean,
you would think that

he could man-up
and tell me, right?

Guys are jerks, huh?

Wait, why do
I feel so weird?

Have you
been drinking?

What?

Blah...

Elderberry Smash.

But... how?

Are you packing?

[Laughing] That tickles.

[Laughing]

Oh, no--
No!

I can't be drunk.
Not here.

--No shit.
--Slap me.

[Slap!]

Ow-ah!

Better?

[Champagne pouring]

[Phone ringing]

Hey, Lo.

Pardon?

It's something new
that I'm trying--

Check it out--
Bo-Lo. [Laughing]

It's like our
"Brangelina."

You're late.

No, no, no!
I'm almost there!

I'm so--
I'm so almost there.

And you're wearing
something hot?

Because I look so sexy.

Look, just half an hour
more. For realsies.

Half an hour?!

That's like eighteen
hundred seconds!

I am like scary smart.

We're gonna miss
the food thing.

Well, I'm in the middle
of something very important.

Oh, what a surprise!

You're always in
the middle of something.

And it's
always important.

Bo, when is
it my turn?

I'm always there
for you and for Trick

and for Hale,
and, and, Trick--

[Laughing]

You said Trick twice.

[Laughing]

And what I'm doing
is very, very important!

I mean, I deal with life
and death situations

and you deal
with what?

Petri dishes?

Oh.

Well, maybe I
should go alone.

It's just a
stupid human thing.

Lauren?

Ugh...

Wow.

Hey.
You okay?

I need an aspirin.

Let's just go find this
stupid pharmacist.

Shh!
I already found it.

This way.

Bar star.

You come to dicker?

We have a prescription.

Ah...

Let's see here...

Girl.

[Sniffing]

You're a Valkyrie.

Down boy.

Just... one lock?

Touch me, and you'll
be an appendage short.

Oh, please?

[Crying]

BO: Tamsin!

You gotta see this.

My product's fine
as cream gravy, girls!

Take as much as you like.

[Crying]

Hannah?

[Crying]

You're a Squonk.

It's going to be okay.
You can stop crying now.

No. I. Can't.

It's what Squonks do.

But most don't live
to be this age.

Their tears are hot
in the Fae drug trade.

So Whitman's
a drug dealer.

You're safe now.
You can come with us.

No, thank you.

I'm not going anywhere.

BO:
Hannah... please.

You have to
leave this place.

But, Mr. Whitman tells me
things about the world.

And it sounds awful.

I think he's telling you those
things to make you cry more.

To collect more tears.

At least my tears
make people happy.

But you can
be happy too.

No, I'm-- I'm
just a weirdo-- [Sniff]

who makes
people uncomfortable.

Like her.

Sue me.

I don't like crying.

[Crying]

We have
to get out of here.

And if you
won't come willingly--

No!

Don't--

If you move
a Squonk involuntarily,

they will dissolve
into tears. Literally.

Okay...
[Banging on door]

Grrrr!

Oh, that's
Mr. Whitman--

He's not going to be
happy that you're here.

Yeah--
No kidding.

Can we hurry
this up, please?

Let's try this.

[Banging on door]

You're glowing me,
aren't you?

It's okay--

I'm used to people
trying to con me.

What? No--

Look, I am not
conning you.

Hannah.

There is a nice man who
has been looking for you.

He wants to take
you to a school

where you can be
with others like yourself.

Other Squonks?

Other kids who are just
as exceptional as you.

Can we maybe have
this little love-fest later?

Will there be boys?
[Banging on door]

Super weird boys.

[Banging on door]

Okay!

Come on.
[Snap!]

Come on--
What are you doing?

Just a little shopping.

Okay, well, we don't
have time for that--

There's always time
for an impulse buy.

Well, look-ey here.

Scuttlebutt has it
that you got into

a dust-up
over a claim.

Man here says you've
bilked him of a girl.

Is this the property,
Whitman?

She's no one's property.

Can't beat the devil 'round
the stump 'bout this one,

little lady. Uh-uh.

Now, we have
to settle this thing!

Dark rules-like
so's we can all go home.

Okay...

What do I have to do?

[Cranks turning]

I've never seen an
Invitation do this before.

Do what?

Threaten someone's life.

Tell me again.

You're smart,
you're fast...

...and you're a helluva
lot cuter than him.

Right...

Don't I get a gun?

He's got a gun!

Don't matter if he's
heeled or not, honey.

You draw
with what you got.

Oh shit...

[Gasp!]

Oh, double shit...

The Dark don't
play fair, do they?

It's not a Dark thing.

This has to stop--

No interference.

What the hell do I do?

Okay, Trick...

You have to concentrate.

Empty your mind
of all thought.

Clear your head.

Focus.
Trust your instincts.

Listen to your gut--

Stella--

I mean this
with all due respect--

But shut the hell up.

Time to put that
cricket down for good.

[Whoosh!]

Shit...

[Laughing]

You have...
quite an effect on me.

What if I did this?

[Energy pulsing]

[Laughing]
I did it!

I declare a winner!

You may take
your claim!

[Laughing]

Are we gonna pass
the gatekeeper?

I really like him!
He's so fun!

You know,
you really are a weirdo.

Sweet!

But a weirdo.

Thanks.

[Giggling]

[Knocking on door]

Well, it's about
damn time!

That we met?

Well, damnit, I agree!

Uh, Dr. Taft?

Please.
Isaac.

Wow.

Come in, come in!

I'm a huge fan
of your work

on tissue-engineered
vascular grafts, I--

Oh, no, it's the other way
around, Dr. Lewis.

You're the reason
I went to tonight's

Science and
Technology Snorefest.

Oh.

Was it was that bad?

Oh, my God...
The geekage was stifling.

But--

I snagged you this.

Oh, wow.

That's my name.

Yup.

Thank you.

Listen, I don't wanna
impose but I was wondering

if I could take you for
a drink or something?

I just wanna get in
that head of yours?

[Laughing]
Yeah--

You want to get
inside my head?

Yeah, your papers,
they blow me away.

You read my papers?

I've read
all your papers.

You make morphogenesis
and RNA splicing seem exciting.

Don't know how,
but you do.

So what do you say?
Huh?

Take you out,
I got this bar

with this mixologist
that kills it.

Okay!

I'd hate to let
my dress go to waste.

Exactly.

Just give me a sec--

Sure.

Hey, Isaac?

Yeah?

Why do chemists
like nitrates?

Why?

Because they're
cheaper than day rates.

[Chuckling]

That's funny...

I can't find
Bo anywhere.

And this game's been
too quiet too long.

Patience.

Is Bo here?

I woke from the effects
of the dart--

I couldn't get another cookie
to get into Brazenwood.

Whitman--
He was gone.

I think he's gonna
try and kill Bo--

And it's my fault.

Bo's in Brazenwood?

What does that mean?

Something
about happiness.

And yet... unhappiness.

Gee, ya think?

You guys
would not believe

the craziness that
I have just been through--

Hi!

You're just in time.

In time for what?

Hannah's tears
are a source

of both happiness
and unhappiness.

[Cranks turning]

And I believe...

we've reached the
end of the game.

So, what
happens next?

Something most
likely unexpected.

[Cranks turning]

[Circus music playing]

Well--
That's it?

That was beautiful.

Balzac: Ahem!

Isabeau, on this day
in this place,

you are hereby officially
invited to The Dawning.

May your destiny be
of your own choosing.

[Sniffling]

Bo: So Balzac was my
invitation all along.

And you passed.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you so much--
Oh, my God!

Lauren--

Oh, my God--

Shit!

Lauren!

Guess she went
to the banquet without you.

And the award
for Worst Girlfriend Ever!

Goes to me...

She'll forgive you.

Here's to your Dawning.

May you not die.

I won't.

You sure about that?

No.

Well, if I was
a gambling woman

my money
would be on you.

Cheers.

[Clink]

Let me ask
you something.

You weren't the one that
made the deal with Balzac.

You could have
left at any time.

Truth.

So why didn't you?

You think I'd ever
hear the end of it

if one little hair
on everyone's

favourite Succulette's
head was harmed?

Nope.

So I decided to stick
around, like-y or not.

Like-y.

I was wrong
about you.

You're one
of the good ones.

Well.

You really do suck
at reading people.

So, I...
better get going.

No.

No!

Please tell me
she's not the one.

[Thunder rumbling]