Lost Girl (2010–2016): Season 1, Episode 5 - Dead Lucky - full transcript

Dyson, you're not worried about
your co-workers walking in?

Gotta love statutory holidays.

Right on your desk, huh?
Hardly police protocol.

That was ...

Loud.

Hope the neighbours
don't call the cops.

- I am the cops.
- Well...

...thank you for responding
to my emergency.

When I need to heal, I need it now.

Yeah, funny thing, though.
I didn't notice a scratch on you.

What can I say? I was hungry.



Speaking of,
who's a girl gotta do around here...

...to get some breakfast, huh?

Breakfast, huh?

- That might make things confusing.
- Fine. No breakfast.

Is that a rule?

Never liked rules,
but we should have some.

Seriously?
Feels kind of high school.

I wouldn't know. Never went.

Okay.

Well, in the spirit of clarifying this...

...what else?

Rule number two...

...no discussing our arrangement
with other people.

Exception: Kenzi.



She already knows
and she pouts when I fib.

Okay. Rule three...

...We come, we go.

No questions asked.
No sad goodbyes.

Oh, good one.

And how about
as long as we're doing this...

...you don't give me that
"I don't get to take this case" speech?

As long as you always tell me
what cases you do take.

Deal.

And as far as seeing other people?

Well, we're not exclusive, right?

Right.

- Right.
- Right. Okay.

- What are you doing?
- Walking you to your car.

No sad goodbyes, remember?

I'm not crying.
I'm just seeing you out.

Don't you get it, Dyson?
I can take care of myself.

- Hey, princess.
- Oh, great.

Sorry, about your--

- Get in the van.
- Nuts.

Life is hard
when you don't know who you are.

It's harder
when you don't know what you are.

My love carries a death sentence.

I was lost for years,
searching while hiding...

...only to find I belong to a world
hidden from humans.

I won't hide any more.

I will live the life I choose.

Ms. Sizemore, Bo Investigates
is the premiere PI service in the city.

I'm so relieved to hear you say that.
I don't know where else to turn.

Well, tell me
what we're dealing with here.

She's trying to kill me. I know that
may not seem like a big deal.

That sounds like a massive dealio.
Yes.

Does this "she" have a name?

Ms. Snickerpants.

- Your boss?
- My cat.

I went to the police.
They looked at me like I was crazy.

Crazy?

Gosh. Hardly.

You know we get paid
in real-life money, right?

Would you like more cream soda?

Can we please get
some more cream soda?

Bo will be here any minute.
She's just detained.

Probably wrangling another
sociopathic kitty.

Ms. Snickerpants isn't a sociopath.

She's possessed. See?

Yes.

It's becoming quite clear.

I'm just gonna check
my messages again, okay?

This really puts the "suck"
in "Succubus."

Yanking girls off the street, huh?
Hell of a way to drum up business.

Go wait in the van.
I got Little Miss Thing.

Thing this.

What's wrong with you?

You know,
you really should invest in a cup.

Thanks,
but I'll take my egg foo yong to go.

You're out of luck, kid.

I should know. I feed off the stuff.

So...

...I'm Mayer.

The boob that you nailed in the kishkes
is my nephew, Seymour.

Told you she was no good.

Oh, I'd say she's very good.
Now get us some water.

Water!

Now we can talk.

I'd like to hire you.

Investigate a little problem
I'm having.

You kidnap me,
clearly need family therapy.

- That's not a great first impression.
- Let me explain.

Maybe we can help each other.

Like I mentioned, I'm a Luck Fae.

I feed off the luck of humans
who come here.

In the human world,
I work as a bookie...

...run numbers on everything
from sports to natural disasters.

- Sounds super, but I'm not a gambler.
- No, you're something better.

You're not a Dark Fae.
You can go where my guys can't.

Places that require good hygiene?

I'm serious.
I've been duped by a human.

My security tapes from yesterday.

I was having a business matter
with Seymour...

...when in came one of
my favourite customers, Roger.

He got a last name?

No last name required. He paid cash.

Been feeding off Roger for years.
Schmuck virtually had no luck left.

So why did you take his bet?

I gotta make cash
for the guys upstairs.

I take it you're acquainted with
the Morrigan?

- Yeah, what a peach.
- Don't get me started.

Still, it's a perfect fit.

I eat and provide funds for our side.

This time,
things didn't go as planned.

Now, I had drained
Roger of all his luck.

There was no way
he could've won on his own.

Again, I'm here--?

I need an outsider
to investigate Roger...

...who won't advertise
my little problem.

Even if I could forget
that you van-napped me...

...which I won't,
why would I help you?

Because I can give you 10 minutes
with my niece.

Oh, tempting. Is she cute?

Word on the street is you wanna know
where you came from.

She sees things.

I'll let you have a taste for free,
and you'll see.

Cassie's the real deal,
a bona fide oracle.

What up, homeys?

You've gotta be kidding me.

Bo, pick up.
This is me, leaving a fifth message.

I hope you're on your way.

Paranoid Puss in Boots
is getting shifty.

Where are you going?

To find an investigator
who'll take me seriously.

Ma'am, we are serious as shit, okay?
Bo is just a little late.

How are you gonna cure my cat
if you can't find your boss?

Bo's not my boss.
She's the muscle.

Well, the love muscle of sorts.

- Amateurs.
- Okay, fine.

Bo's obviously not coming...

...but I am willing to take your case
for half the price.

Please.
I'm not gonna hire the assistant.

And I can't cover the check.

Thanks, Bo.

You?
You're gonna read my future?

What was, what will be,
the whole shit sandwich.

I need to know who my parents were.

- But how do I know if--
- I'm telling the truth?

Why don't we visit your past...

...see if we can't stir up
something significant?

Come here.

You were 18.

He was your first love.

Kurt? No, Kyle.

He wanted what all boys want.

Your parents taught you
it was wrong, very wrong.

But he persisted,
and you adored him.

Then you got hungry.

You fed on him,
drained him, then passed out.

When you awoke, you came
face-to-face with your true self...

...with your birthright, with death.

You had no idea what that meant...

...what you were:
a sinner, a killer, a beast.

So you ran. Haven't been back since.

Told you I was legit.

Channeling totally gives me
cottonmouth.

You got a mint?

So we got a deal?

We can't trust her.

Another groin shot for the road?

I find out how Roger beat the house,
Cassie reads me again.

This time, about my parents.

- Good luck.
- Like you got any to spare.

Hello.

You're a tardy tang.

Did Kenzi wake up
on the wrong side of the bed?

We can't afford beds, remember?
We had a meeting.

- Oh, shit. Client.
- I upload the calendar to your phone...

...tape Post-it reminders over the sink.
- Kenzi--

Dude, I even learned
how to spreadsheet. Me.

It's my way of contributing.

Somebody's gotta keep you
on schedule.

I'm not a train.

No, you're the talent
with the great caboose.

Think I like acting like the adult?

Probably no more than I enjoyed
being abducted off the street.

And I'm a dink.

I should have called
once I earned my freedom.

What happened?

Van, Dark Fae...

...potential information
about my parents.

- I'm sorry.
- Fortune cookie?

- Where are you going?
- Bank the outrage for a while.

Mama's too tired to chat.

But could you call Dyson
and tell him I'd love to talk? Thanks.

Will do...

...partner.

Let me get back to you, okay?
I'll call you back.

So we'll take this image from the tape
and run it through facial recognition.

And she wets herself
over your geek skills.

My bad.

I don't like you working for Mayer.

You don't get to tell me what cases
I can take, as per our agreement.

Just think of it as getting
free intel on the Dark.

Why doesn't Mayer have
his own guys looking into this?

He probably doesn't want his bosses
to know he got conned.

Interesting. Here it is.

Thanks.

- See you around?
- Could be.

Right behind you.
Just gotta hit the ladies' room.

Because I barfed in my mouth.
I can't believe I backed you with Bo.

You made me look like a total tool.

The worst part is
you treated her like shit...

...but somehow you're forgiven.

That is why
I'm no longer on team Dyson.

Peace.

What was that back there
with Dyson, huh?

Pretty nice house
for a compulsive gambler.

Pretty nice change of topic.

Hi. Sorry to bother you,
but we're here to see--

Roger? Of course. Welcome.

Thank you.

Just in time to party.

Though we're a tad bit under dressed.

- Whiskey. Thank you.
- Classy.

- Unlike, say, boinking peeps to death?
- Touche.

So where's Mayer's big winner?

Kenzi?

This isn't a "party" party.

Here he is...

...the guest of honor...

...my Roger.

He looks peaceful.

And really, really dead.

When did he bite it?

Two days ago.

Excuse me.

That was 24 hours before he walked
into Mayer's and placed a bet.

Yeah, no kidding.

Mayer was wrong.

Roger wasn't unlucky.

No, he was a bloody miracle.

- You didn't eat those toadstools?
- No. But riddle me this:

How does a dead guy
walk around town placing bets?

Gambling's an addiction,
but come on.

A dead human walking?

What, Fae zombies?

The Chinese call them Hsien.

We call them body-jumpers.

They can inhabit a recently dead
human by touching them.

- Like a ghost?
- Well, except they have bodies...

...but they don't like them.
Nasty bastards.

- What's so bad about that?
-It's distasteful.

Humans are for feeding off of,
not wearing.

That's funny.

That's what I do.

That's your third energy drink.
You still look like shit.

Hale, she is relentless.

- The first break I've had all week.
- I'm gonna do you a favour.

Give Bo my digits
and I'll cover your shift.

I can manage, brother.
Thanks, though.

Clearly.

Listen, what's it like
with a Succubus?

Tell me.

- You remember Daphne?
- The nymph?

Hourly. Yes.

Well, I lost her number,
and I don't even care.

Damn.

Hey.

- We were just talking about you.
- Really?

Yes. I was saying that if anyone
in town knows a Hsien ...

A Hsien?

For a bunch of far-out fairy folk,
you guys are pretty judgmental.

I know a Hsien, our side.

- Works as a morgue attendant.
- There. Was that so hard, huh?

- You want my help or not?
- Of course.

Never know when I might get injured,
need a little healing.

What about rule number two?

Come on, Dyson.

Rules are meant to be broken.

Later, Kenzi.

Yeah. How did that taste, baby?

Looks like you owe me 50 bucks.

Consider yourself schooled.

Don't play pool
with une petite hustler.

Here's my free lesson:
Don't play pool with a siren.

Was it something I sang?

Okay, okay, okay. Hey, look.

If you're bringing your human act
into Fae world...

...you'll need to nut up.
- Y'all don't play fair.

But in your world,
people always do the right thing...

...good always wins,
the nice guy gets the girl.

What's your point?

That you have to show people
that you can handle your shit.

That you're more than
just a sidekick.

I don't give a rat's ass
what any of you think...

...only Bo.

Better.

Eddie.
What is it with the blondes, man?

Oh, don't even start playing.

I'm not looking. Get back in there.
I'm not playing.

Get back in.

Dyson.

- Hey, who's the dame?
-"Dame"?

What, did someone from 1932
follow us in?

Bo, meet Eddie.

Light Fae...

...likes to wear corpses around
and gets himself in all kinds of trouble.

Remember those Elvis sightings
in the '70s?

Yeah, that was all Eddie.

- Congrats.
- Cured now.

Learning to appreciate my body.

You know what the 12 Steps taught me?
"Thou shalt not wear thy neighbour."

I gotta call my sponsor.

You crossed the wrong guy this time.

- Mayer is apoplectic.
- Seriously pissed.

"Mayer" Mayer?

I'd never deal with the Dark.

Come on, Scout's honor.

- Honor’s never been your strong suit.
- I swear on my mama's sacred skin.

You know how our people
keep tabs on everyone?

Like across party lines?

Rumor has it Lucas is in town.

- Who's Lucas?
- Dark Fae Hsien.

Very nasty fellow.

Makes Eddie's transgressions
look positively PG.

- That's sweet.
- Where is he, the real Lucas?

- You want to find a real Hsien--
- You find his real body.

- Time to break the news.
- You're on your own.

I can't enter Dark Fae territory.

Oh, come on.

A paskudne body-jumper
in my house?

If somebody hired a Hsien
to bring me down...

...I wanna know who, ASAP.

He didn't bring you down.
You just got stiffed, literally.

Stop talking.
I don't talk business with humans.

You just gobble up their cash
and luck.

I got played out of serious bank.

Two hundred thou
earmarked for my Fae bosses.

If I don't nip this in the bud,
I'm chopped liver. Ploughed under.

- They'd kill you?
- No, no, no.

Hate to think of what they'll do
to my family.

Are you picking?

Were you born in a barn?

- I have allergies.
- Get out of here.

Bo, could you ask Mayer
who would want to ruin his reputation?

He's such an enchanting guy.
I can't imagine.

I've been losing a lot of business
to a backroom gamer. Jesper Salming.

Professional rival,
always a worthy suspect.

- I can't get you an invitation.
- I don't need one.

But here's his address.

Well, thank damn I'm here.

You can't just walk into
an underground den...

...and get the Kingpin to talk.

A little tongue down his throat
and I can make him ice-skate.

Magic hoo-ha aside,
backroom poker is complicated.

Almost ceremonial. I should know...

...my dad would spend hours playing.
Taught me everything I know.

If we do this...

...go in...

...how do I know I can trust you?
- Bo, are you serious?

See? That was a bluff.

How do you like my poker face?

Oh, it's on, bitch.

Ante up.

Backroom poker
is like golf on meth...

...and baby,
I'm getting a contact high.

Dude, I could rule this game.

Check out the cougar.

Plays with her straw
every time she bluffs.

- So?
- What the players do...

...each time they bluff
when they got the goods?

That's their tell.

Learn someone's tell, then you can
always learn their next move.

Thank you, Rain Man.

Keep your eyes open.
Take note of the exits.

I'll talk to the players,
see if they've seen an empty body.

And I'll find Jesper.

Unless he finds me first.

Okay, I'm out.
Remember the signal?

- Back in 15 or I fake a seizure.
- That's my girl.

You're a collector.

These paintings are incredible.

Took it from a 12th-century
French ch?teau.

You always take what you want?

I'm not above using force
when necessary.

You are easily...

...the most beautiful piece in here.

Well, wait until you see
the rest of me.

Hey.

- I'm Mighty Mario.
- Oh, is that so?

- Yeah.
- Well, hello.

Cowboy Hat,
he yawns when he's bluffing.

Gawking for two minutes,
you figured out his tell?

Pretty good.

I call.

Hey, hot box.

Looks like I got my lucky charm
for the night, huh?

You should check out Pit Stains.
He bites his nails when he's toast.

- No kidding, huh?
- Yeah.

-It's cold in here.
- I'll keep you warm.

So where's the body, Jesper, huh?

- Where's the Hsien?
- What Hsien?

The one you're using
to take down Mayer.

Mayer took me for everything
I had at the track.

So if you're taking him down,
I want in.

All I know is that you are
one powerful Succubus.

- What?
- Twenty years from now...

...when you've really learned
to channel your power...

...I would not be able to resist you.

Even knowing
that you're spying on me.

- Who told you I was coming?
- It doesn't matter.

You're not leaving.

Then you won't mind telling me
who robbed Mayer.

Why would I bother to eliminate
that low-level bookie?

Because you're clearly
a reasonable guy.

You have no idea what I am.

I didn't peg you for frigid.

And you'll be one beautiful...

...cold corpse.

Someone needs a manicure.

- Yeah! Hey!
- Hey!

- That's my backdoor flush!
- Yeah!

- Oh, my God. That's beautiful.
- Read them and weep, huh?

Bo, is that a signal?

Here we go. Look at this.

Pit Stains, he just shoved an ace
up his sleeve. Is that bad?

Son of a bitch. He's a cheat.

All right.

Eat crowbar.

Okay. Come on.

Dude, you're like an icicle.

- Do you know the way out?
- Turn left at Mario and then book it.

Bye-bye, retirement fund.

Bo. Bo. Bo.

- Eat my ball.
- Yo, 911 booty call, like, now.

Better down another espresso.

- Help me with her.
- I got you.

- Come on.
- Hold on, Bo.

- You got her?
- I got her.

God, what the hell
did you do to yourself?

- You're freezing.
- Rule three, no questions. Remember?

Hey, hey, hey. Stay with me.
What did he look like?

Big, European, terrible kisser.

His--

His hands frosted over.
He was cold as hell.

It's a hrimthurs. it's a frost giant.

Their touch can stop a man's heart.

You really, really need to work
on your foreplay.

- Is that a new rule?
-It's just good manners.

Bo, don't hold back.
Take what you need.

So...

...seen any movies lately?

- Or ...
- No.

- Did my troll get out?
- Bo and Dyson, just talking.

You know, a lot of meeting, just ...

Lots of talking.

Red Cross ain't got nothing on you.

Hey. Hey.

You okay?

It's not as bad as it looks.

Shit.

- So much for keeping our secret.
- Sorry about that.

Bo.

Oh, my God. Not a scratch.

Dude, your junk could cure cancer.

Though you look kind of green.

- I'm a quarter leprechaun.
- Really?

What are we gonna do
now that we know...

...Jesper was tipped off by someone
who worked for Mayer?

Dyson.

Eddie, calm down, man.

Who's there?

Eddie?

Went dead.

- Morgue?
- Not really dressed for it.

Hello? Mayer snitch? Anyone?

Yeah, you guys go. Yeah, I got this.

Left behind again?

You wanna shoot some stick?

Sorry, Hale.
I got my own shit to solve.

Getting better.

Goon mobile, check.

Bumbling idiot, check.

Holy honey pot.

Hey.

Hey, I took too much, didn't I?

No, you took what you had to.

Where is he?

Eddie?

Eddie?

Dyson.

What up, brother?

- Hello.
- Are you okay?

Never better.

So, what up?

You called me, sounded like
you were gonna soil yourself.

- You said, "He's here."
- Yeah, he was.

- Lucas?
- Yeah, my fellow Hsien.

Wanted to know if I'd been
talking to that Succubus.

He really doesn't like you
sniffing in his business.

That's okay. I scared him off, though.

- You did?
- Yeah.

I've learned some interesting things
in the past few days.

That Fae can be bookies,
that body-jumpers exist.

That people often have a tell
when they're bluffing.

Oh, you think I'm bluffing?

Eddie's not here any more, is he?

No.

Bo!

Locked.

Go. I got this.

I know you can only jump bodies
by touching them, Lucas...

...so come easy or make this hard.
Either way, this is the end of the line.

Is that the best you got, huh?

I'm just warming up.

- Let's dance.
- Bring it, juice monkey.

When you're dead,
I'm gonna wear you like a coat.

I'm calling PETA.

Then I'm gonna rip Dyson
into itty-bitty pieces using your hands.

Speaking of itty-bitty:

No more bodies within reach.

I pull this trigger,
you are as dead as the one you are in.

What the hell took you so long?

Who paid you to take down Mayer?
Where's his money?

Somewhere you'll never find it.

Whatever.

We got all the time in the world,
unlike you.

I can smell that corpse
starting to rot.

A few hours, it'll be so decomposed
you won't be able to stay in it.

If you don't get back to
your own body soon, Lucas...

...you'll be worm food,
like all of your little human puppets.

How about I lock you in
one of those body drawers?

Hell of a way
to spend your final hours.

He forced me into Roger's corpse,
fixed the bet.

Said if I didn't trick that old bookie,
I wouldn't get my body back.

"He" who Lucas?

It'll be an expensive card game
going here tonight. I want you here.

This is Lucas, your body-jumper.

- He's here to tell us who ripped you off.
- He better.

- So you gonna let us in?
- You, yes. Him, no.

I can't enter without permission.

I don't want him
knowing my business.

And I don't want The Ash knowing
I was involved.

So you both stay quiet.
Everybody wins.

On your blood honor.

Bad peace is better than good war.

What's with the meat delivery?

Don't you recognise your buddy Lucas,
Seymour?

- The jig is up.
- You?

- Don't know what you're talking about.
- Can't be.

Believe it, pal.
Seymour and his buddy hired me.

- My body's in his car.
- Stupid corpse jockey.

This wouldn't have happened
if you weren't so stupid.

Pot, meet kettle.

- You never let me do anything.
- My sister's only son.

I taught you everything
but common sense.

Three hundred years,
you finally grow a backbone...

...and you can only use it
to usurp your own uncle?

- All I wanted was some respect.
- Respect?

You're dead to me.

I guess I'll go collect
the body of evidence.

In there?

Kenzi.

Really gotta pee.
Please don't tell Bo I'm here.

Back in your body, Lucas.

Well, that's new.

You're welcome.

And as for you ...

What?
A blind date gone bad?

Yeah, mock the human.
Because that's not getting old.

None of you take me seriously,
okay, except Bo.

- And I want to keep it that way.
- I won't mention this little debacle.

Then I won't tell how much it hurts you
every time you two are together.

Yeah, I noticed.

But we both know it's worth it.

- What, are you back on team Dyson?
- You wish.

Come on. We're getting T-shirts.

- Kenzi?
- Hey.

- What are you doing here?
- He texted. We text.

- Yeah, you know.
- Yeah.

Backup.

- Weirdo.
- He's not so bad.

I was talking about you, freak.

So Seymour, huh?

He's a traitor.

My own flesh and blood.

- What are you gonna do with him?
- Put him somewhere safe.

You're more familiar with the Light.

My side, we don't believe in mercy.

He's family.

So you promise not to tell,
I'll let you see the oracle.

"Let," my balls, buddy.

That was the first deal.
She made good.

You want Bo to keep your secret?
That's a whole new shebang.

What do you want?

I'll take the debt.

Never know when I might
need to collect.

Yeah, you're not too bad
for a Succubus.

Not so bad yourself,
considering you're Dark Fae.

So join us.

I'm not picking sides...

...at least, not until
I find out about my parents.

Cassie's in the back.

I'd like to feed off you.

Yeah, I'd make a bad snack.
I never had much luck.

You taste like a survivor.

Well, if I can't eat you...

...maybe I can use you,
if you need a job.

I got a job, but thanks.

Let's do it.

A girl.

Your mother.

Betrayed by the one
she loved the most.

But she escaped
after all those years.

Searching, yearning for her child.
For you.

She will be coming.

There will be a battle. Death.

You will have to choose.

She's coming. She's coming.
She's coming!

I'm gonna ralph.

What was that?
Because that was not my memory.

No duh.

Do not tell anyone
that just happened.

What does it mean?

You're a major player.

Fate has some serious plans for you.

Later.

So?

It was along shot.

It's better not knowing.
Family, it's complicated--

Kenzi...

...she's alive.

My mother's alive.