Lost Girl (2010–2016): Season 1, Episode 1 - It's a Fae, Fae, Fae, Fae World - full transcript

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That's me.
Highest sales in the division.

And then, in the morning,
I'm flying back to Omaha.

That's great.
Coming through behind you.

Everything good out here?
I'm fine. I'm just starving.

It's 10.50.
Oh, right.

Here you go. Oh, and, darling,

you keep the change.

And this one's for you.

Oh, thank you, but I can't.
It's policy.

# It could be love, love, love
Love, love, love #



# Love, love, love, love, love #

# I think it could, maybe
I hope it is, maybe #

# But if we don't feel it now #

Excuse me, darling. Hello, beautiful.

Pretty drink for a pretty lady?

Sure.

Cheers.
Cheers.

# Love, love
Love, love #

Oh, now, you are thirsty, aren't you?
Whew.

Well, aren't you just
the sweetest thing?

Thanks, buddy. Gotta jet.

# Love, love, love, love, love #

Is that so?

# I think it could, maybe
I hope it is, maybe #



# But if we don't feel it now
We never will, baby ##

Oh, come on.
Can't get rid of me that easily.

Any inside tips?

Hey, where are you heading to?
Any good parties?

Because I got a few hours
that I would love to kill.

Yeah, good luck with that.
Ahem.

You sure are a pretty
little thing, aren't you?

Gross. Back off, or I'll vom.

Whoa, why am I tripping?

What was in that drink?

Oh, just something to make
you a little bit friendlier.

We are friends, aren't we?

Come on, baby, just a little kiss.

Unh. Back off, creepo.

You good?

A-okay.

You...

are very naughty.

Huh?

Left without saying goodbye?

Don't you know
when a girl's playing hard to get?

What do you want?

Just one little kiss.

This is so gonna be viral.

Hey.

What about me?

Okay, let's get you out of here.

You're pretty.

I saw you eat
some dude's face.

It was amazing.
That's just terrific.

Let's go. Come on.

I'll take you somewhere safe.

Bye-bye, Mr. Smiley-Face.

Hey. Finally decided to show.

So, what do we got here?

Male, mid-30s, no ID,
just a room key for the hotel.

Woman found him
over an hour ago.

I'd say that's it for witnesses.
Any cameras in here?

Busted. Checking
on the garage's.

Jesus.
What the hell happened to him?

You wanna give us
a little space here, Frank?

Yeah, Frank. Why don't you go
canvass or something?

You got it.
Thanks, man.

Vic's human.
Yeah. Killer definitely wasn't.

Well, our side?

I hope not.

This is sloppy.

Leaving a feed behind like this.

I don't recognise
this kind of kill. You?

No, but it's a good way to die.

Dude died with a smile on his face.

Hair.

Brunette.

Got it.

What you got?

He's been drinking,
and I smell a human on him.

Female.

Well, this time of night, that combo,
my money's on the hotel bar.

Mm-hm.

Sounds like a guy that was here.

But it's been a crazy-busy night.
I can't remember them all.

Liked the ladies, though.
How's that?

Kept hitting on
our bartender all night.

Leaves, sniffing after some blond.

This bartender, is she a brunette,
by any chance?

Yeah. Name's Bo. She just started
like a week ago, you know.

She's smoking hot.

Huh. So you got a last name?
Address?

No, no.

She's daily. Or was, you know.

She leaves on a bathroom break, don't
ever come back. Totally fired now.

Rush the security tape
from the garage, our eyes only.

I wanna get a look at this Bo.
Gotcha.

# Hot sweat
Got debt #

# Kept lookin' in the lock er
'Cause you don't know yet #

# But I know what I am
They know what they are #

# So let them be #

# Shipshape
Tick er tape #

# Looks to me
Lik e a narrow escape #

# But I know what I am
They know what they are #

# So let me be #

# But it's all right
It's okay #

# I got the time
But the time don't pay #

# But it's all right
It's okay #

# I got the time
But the time don't pay #

# But it's all right
It's okay #

# I got the time
But the time don't pay #

# But it's all right
It's okay #

# I know what I am
They know what they are #

# So let me be ##

Nice place while it lasted.

Shit.

Sorry. I was just leaving.

Where am I? Who are you?
Just calm down.

You're okay. You passed out.
Would've dropped you home.

None of these wallets appear to
be yours. Nice sideline you got.

I'm a collector of rare wallets.
I'm not judging.

I'm glad you're okay.
I don't feel okay.

What happened?
Did somebody slip me something?

Some creep in the bar
spiked your drink.

You hallucinated
a lot of weird stuff, I bet.

So you didn't-? Ahem. You didn't eat
some dude's face in an elevator?

No, there was no eating of faces.

Wow, that's crazy.
Thank God.

That was some crazy-ass shit.

Oh, you kids
and your camera phones.

Don't freak out.
I'm freaking out.

What did I just say?
How can I not? Have you seen you?

Yes.
Did you kill him?

Just slow down.
Oh, my God. Are you gonna kill me?

You know, that is just stupid.
Why would I save you-?

Are you okay?
I don't know.

Can you get asthma? I think
I'm totally getting asthma here.

Just breathe.

Fine. I don't need this.

I have to blow town now
after saving your ass

and find somewhere else to live,
again. You're welcome, by the way.

Excuse me, lady.

Person.
It's Bo.

Hi. Kenzi.

Look, I'm sorry. You-

You're obviously very nice
for whatever you are.

But I just had, like, the scariest,
weirdest night of my life, okay?

So can we just please talk about this
like normal people?

I think it's fairly clear
that I'm not normal.

Good. Good. Because normal people
do not help out strangers.

If you were normal, I could be dead.

I won't tell anyone. Please.

I totally promise, okay?
Just give me like 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes, and you'll never, ever,
ever have to ever see me ever again.

Please?

That depends.

Do you like milk shakes?

Gotcha.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Hey, hey, hey. Got it.

That the bartender?
Heading to her car with the blond.

Now, look, that's the part I don't get.
Why take the kid?

What, she want a snack
for the road? What?

I think she was protecting her.

Hotel put a name to our John Doe.
I pulled his jacket.

He's got a few assaults. He likes
slipping things into girls' drinks.

I'm thinking he targeted the blond,
and the bartender stopped him.

Can you make that plate?

Pssh. Please. Heh, heh.

Good.

Put out an APB. " Maintain
surveillance, but do not approach. "

I want us to be first on the scene.
You got it.

Cheeseburger, onion rings.

# And I'm not done
With these passionate chains #

BLT on brown with fries.

Are you just gonna stare at me?
Sorry.

By the way, I know things could've
gotten really messed up for me

if you hadn't shown up,
so thanks.

Oh, well, you're welcome.

Sunny side up.
Burger, onion rings.

Okay. Screw it. I gotta know.

Some things are too stupid
to say out loud, so...

Here.

You are a tool,
and I don't know what the hell I am.

Honestly, just a freak, I guess.

Does it matter?
Kind of.

I mean, what exactly
did you do to him?

It's hard to explain, okay?
I just- I sort of, um...

I sort of drain people.
Oh, my God. Are you a-?

Dude, are you a fricking vampire?

No. No. No.
It's not like that, okay?

It has nothing to do with blood.
It's- It's just-

It's this hunger that builds
and builds,

and then, eventually,
I do what I did last night.

So you can't control it?

No.
Wow, that's shitty.

No, I'm serious.
That's, like, no way to live.

You should really work on that.

Thanks.

Are we done with this show-and-tell?
I gotta get going.

Can I get you anything else?
No, we're good.

I'm a little short right now.

If there's any way I can
come back some other time

and make it up to you...

God.

Yes.

# Swinging from
The chains of love ##

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold up, woman.

What-? What the hell was that?

Hey, I'm serious.
What was that?

Oh, my God.

TRICK:
How's the tea?

Always the best.
Always the best.

You know, when I walked
in here, that waitress,

she was seriously
clocking you, man.

And she looks just like your type.

I'm sure she does.
Mm-hm.

Excuse me.
I'm gonna take my game on the road.

You do that.
Uh-huh. Show you how it's done, baby.

Hello, hello, hello.

The girl from last night, is it her?
You tell me.

Female, out-of-towner,
unannounced.

Awfully friendly with humans.

It's beginning, then.

I can try and stop this.
How?

I'm not gonna kill her. There are
ways of making someone disappear.

No.

No.

What's meant to be must be.

We can't fight fate.
Well, you can.

What do you want me to do?
Watch and wait.

I'll help how I can
when the time comes.

Hale. Mm-hm.

Good job.
Okay, we're on our way.

Got a call on the car.
Let's shake.

Let's shake.
Don't worry about it. It's on the house.

Thank you. Keep it warm, please.
On the house.

You can seduce people into doing
anything just by touching them?

Sort of. It wears off and
takes a lot out of me, but yeah.

Yet you're broke, live in a crack
shack, and run from town to town.

What are you doing wrong, girl?
That is no life for a sex superhero.

I think I liked you better
when you were scared of me.

No, what you need
is some kind of manager.

I nominate me.
Shocking, and no, thanks.

Give me a chance.
We would make a good team.

Okay, look, this isn't a joke, okay?

Hanging out with a homicidal freak
might not be the brightest move.

Has it occurred to you that
I'm capable of making that decision?

" Homicidal freak. "
God, you are so emo.

Excuse me?
Learn to enjoy your shit already.

You can fricking
control people by touch

and not in a creepy hand-job way.
That is awesome.

Fine.

Fine, let's say I take you with me.
What's in it for you?

Out here? Survival.

Mom said, " Find the toughest kid
on the playground

and make friends with them. "

You are definitely the toughest kid
on this playground.

It would kick ass to be your friend.
I don't know.

Come on. Every superhero
needs a partner.

Let me be your Robin.

I'll think about it.

Take them.

Here we go.

Unh.
Kenzi, what's wrong?

Where are we taking them?
To The Ash.

He insists on an audience.
Sucks to be her.

Guys, seriously,
where's my friend, huh?

Where's my friend?

Just take off the hood.
Squirmish one, huh?

Oh, you guys have no idea
what you are dealing with here.

Okay. Okay, just take off the hood!

Calm down.

I'm not saying anything
without my lawyer.

Lawyer?
I know my rights, assholes.

Is she serious?
What is this place, huh?

I don't understand your obstinacy.

You know the rules.

Just name your clan.

Buddy, for the last time,
I don't have a clan, okay?

Or bagpipes, or haggis.
I'm not fricking Scottish.

I mean, what the hell kind of cops
are you people, anyway, huh?

What is this place?
I'm starting to think she's not faking.

Faking it? Oh, that's great.

So do you truly not know
what you are?

What am I?

Forget about me.
What the hell are you?

I'm sorry. It's The Morrigan.
She insists on seeing her.

You were not invited.
I know. And I'm hurt.

Cut the shit.
Word has it that somebody's kill

was improperly dumped
in your territory last night.

And not by a local.

It'd be nice to know if
we had a new player in town.

We're handling it.

I don't speak to the help.

Hi. Yeah, hello? Could somebody
tell me what the hell is going on here?

Lauren, take her to the lab.

Grab her.

Enough.

Lauren needs to examine the girl.

Please, come with me.

You and I need to talk.

Because I'm your cousin,
and I'm in trouble, you dick.

Yeah, I know
your frigging connections, okay?

You want these wallets?
Trace that plate for me.

Or I'm telling your mom
you're being mean.

Asshole.

So, what are you checking me for?

Brands.

Ritual scarring.

The different clans mark
themselves in different ways.

My God, you're beautiful.

I meant that professionally.

It's cool. I, uh...

I kind of have that effect
on people.

Uh-huh. Well, that would fit
my hypothesis on you.

Would you mind if I asked you
some incredibly personal questions?

Well, all questions feel kind of
personal when you're commando.

Right. Sorry.

Please.

I'll, um- I'll answer yours
if you answer mine.

What the hell were those freaks
that I just met?

They're Fae, an evolutionary branch
that predates on humans.

So am I Fae?
Yes.

Well, that's your genus,
not your species.

And for those of us
who flunked biology?

I meant-

Fae is a general classification.
There are many different types.

So, what type are you?

The " insatiably curious
human doctor" type.

I'm in it for the science.
Oh, kinky.

Now for
the million-dollar question.

What kind of Fae am I?

The girl doesn't even know
she's Fae.

She's as ignorant as a human.
And so are you if you believe her.

Oh, come on.
I mean, listen to yourself.

You're not seriously suggesting that
she's been hidden from us since birth?

We need to be united
in how we deal with this.

Little problem.

I'm not a team player.
If word gets out we've had a free Fae

under our noses, we'll be the
laughingstock of the counties.

Let's just kill the bitch.

It would be wiser to wait.
Tell me,

was your neutering ceremonial
or a birth defect?

Her freedom is dangerous
to us both.

She cannot be allowed to exist
in between our sides.

Which is why we need to make her
choose between us...

the old way.

I examined your kill
from last night.

Based on your feeding signature,
you're-

Just say it.

You're a Succubus.
A Succubus?

Can you fix it?

Um... Well, there's nothing to fix.

You're a perfect biological
specimen of your kind.

Who has a habit of waking up
next to dead lovers.

If that's not sick,
then I would like a second opinion.

We can help you learn to control it,
if you like.

That's possible?
Definitely.

If you'd been born into a clan,
you would've been taught how.

You'd still have to feed,
but you wouldn't always have to kill.

You deserve a normal life,
and we can offer that to you.

What's the catch?
The Fae are divided.

The Light and the Dark. I presume
they'd want you to join one of them

before they'd allow me
to offer you much help.

I can offer you things.

If we get out of here.

I know what you're doing.

Do you want me to stop?
No.

Didn't think it was gonna be
that easy, did you?

Girl can dream, can't she?
Hands, please.

Sorry. Had to try.

No. Good.
No. It was very informative.

Where are you taking her?
The glass factory.

Why?
It's neutral territory.

They're gonna give her the test.
Without training? That's madness.

It's not our call.

Did you get it?

Wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Okay. Providence...

Glass Inc. on Front.

Thank you. Owe you one. Bye.

Okay.

Party at the glass factory.

That's not weird.

Ew.

Pardon the
Turkish-prison chic. Heh.

It's a little obvious
for my taste.

We can manage chairs, at least.
We're civilised folk.

By the way, congrats on
your amnesia-girl routine.

You've got everybody buying it.

But between you and I, you know
more than you're telling, don't you?

Do you?
Okay. Girl's gotta have her mystery.

I can respect that.

I'm sorry. Not to interrupt
your, um, crazy, but who are you?

Local government. Consider me
the welcome wagon for the Dark Fae.

Do you know why you've
been brought here today?

You're gonna be tested.
Oh, wow.

Will there be math?

Heh. Funny. She's funny.

Heh, heh.
Listen here, Norma Fae,

we have a millennia-old two-party
system, and it works just swell.

Because membership
is mandatory.

I must've lost my invitation.
Which is a problem.

You see, you running around
free and nonpartisan

gives all the little lemmings ideas.

I don't want any trouble,
okay? Promise.

Just let me go.

Well, lucky for you,
if you survive your test today,

you'll have the opportunity
to join a side. Problem solved.

Join? Why the hell
would I wanna do that?

We take care of our own.

We'll place you in a human occupation
that is to our advantage.

Help with the disposal of
your kills, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh. And dental.
Well, I'll keep that in mind.

You should.

I hear you've been alone
for a long time.

No friends or family.
Afraid you'd kill them, I'd imagine.

Sounds lonely.

You have the chance
to be a part of something now.

Chance to have a new family.

Or to have enemies.

So be very careful
how you play the next few hours.

Welcome to the top
of the food chain, doll.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

So, what exactly am I
in for here, huh?

Big, bad nasties?
The Loch Ness Monster?

Under Fae.

Under what, now?
Under Fae.

Those of our kind that don't fit
in the human world.

Very old. Very dangerous.

You'll face two.

What are my chances?
I wouldn't bet on you.

Have I spit in your coffee?

What is your deal?
Kiss me.

Wow, are you bad
at reading women.

We don't have time. You need
all of the strength you can get.

Take some of mine.
Won't I kill you?

Just kiss me.

Oh.

Oh. Wow. Heh, heh.

Did you-? Did you feel that?
That was like-

That was like the Fourth of July
in my mouth.

Hey, you stopped me.

No one's stopped me before.
Fae are different than humans.

Your powers won't work
the same on us.

Well, how am I supposed
to beat these guys?

You'll be faster.
You'll be smarter.

They're gonna underestimate you.
Use that to your advantage.

I misjudged you.

You got any other advice?

Don't get dead.

And you're back to being
an asshole. That's nice.

Was not expecting
Thunderdome.

He's big, but he's slow.

These are your weapons.
Choose wisely.

Good luck.

Enough!

To the death.

What are they feeding you
down here?

She's probably in there
having tea.

Oh. Please don't be rats.

Please don't be rats.
Please don't be rats.

Gross.

Hello.

Hi.
Would you like some tea?

What just happened?
I thought we could use some privacy.

Please, sit down.

We don't have much time.

I want to help you.
How?

I'm a Pain Eater.

Let me take yours.

I can end your suffering
if you'll trust me.

Hello?

Okay.

I'd like to show you something.

Those are your dead.

I don't wanna be here anymore.
I don't wanna see this.

That's all you've been doing,
10 long years.

Killing and running.

Killing and running.

Aren't you tired?

Yes.

How many more will have to die
so you can live?

No. No, it's not like that anymore.
I know what I really am.

They told me that I can learn
how to fight it.

You don't actually believe that,
do you?

You're an abomination, child.

You know it in your heart.

Do the right thing.

Oh, Bo.

But I don't know what
the right thing is anymore.

Can you help me?

If you're willing.

What is it?

Your way out.

You'll sleep and never wake up.

I don't know.
It will be quick and beautiful.

A gesture of love.

No one will even miss you.

No one will mourn you.

Nobody needs you.

Bo, wak e up!

Bo, wake up, damn it!

Bo, wake up, wake up. Oh!

Bo, he's killing you! Wake up!

Drink.
Bo!

Drink!
Bo!

Bo! Let me go, you big lughead!

Bo!

Bo, wak e up!
Drink.

No. No.

Get out of my head,
you freak.

Help!

She's mine.

This one has passed the test.

It has been witnessed.

Child, you may name your side.

Neither.

I choose humans.

Now can we kill her?

She passes
without any training.

Who is this girl?

May I offer an opinion?

You have no station here,
old man.

Don't you have some shoes to cobble
or a garden to decorate?

Someone hid her
from both our sides.

It would be wise to learn why
and who before killing her.

In the meantime,
she could expose us.

Not without exposing herself.

I'm not saying there won't be a time
when she needs to be put down.

I'm saying, choose it wisely.

Feel like we've been paroled.
You sort of have been.

Any conditions
on our release?

No more evidence
for humans to find,

no messing in Fae business,
and no more leaving town.

The elders want you
where they can watch you.

Well, they don't own me. And I'm
not very good at being obedient.

Learn.

When you need help-
If I need help.

When you need help,

you can find me
at the 39th Division.

And, Bo...

you did well.

I knew I smelled po-po.

I'm not crazy, right?
That all just happened?

Yep.

And now we know
anyone could be Fae.

My bet's on wiener dude.
Heh.

So, what now?

We go home, and we figure
out the rest tomorrow.

"We," huh?

I gotta figure out some way
to make a living.

And you're the one who thought we'd
be a good team. So, yeah, "we. "

Cool.

Just so we're clear
about this partnership,

you be you and all, uh,
but I'm only into guys. Sorry.

I'll try to contain
my disappointment.

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