Looney Tunes Cartoons (2019–…): Season 6, Episode 5 - Tweet Suite/Daffy Magician: Cut in Half/Desert Menu - full transcript

[theme music playing]

[Sylvester clears throat]

And in conclusion,
this is why I would be

an excellent candidate
to join your alley cat club.

So, fellas, what do you say?

Nope.

-Mmm-hmm.
-[clicks]

I completely understand.

Thank you
for your consideration.

I'll be on my way.

Oh, please,
let me join the gang!



I'll do anything!
[sobbing loudly]

[continues sobbing]

All right, all right.

I'll let you in if you can...

Uh...

[Tweety singing]
♪ We are going to the hotel ♪

♪ For a getaway ♪

♪ We are going to the hotel ♪

♪ Just to lounge
And play all day ♪

[snaps fingers]
Bring me that yellow bird,

and I'll let you into the club.

That tiny yellow one?

Ha! You got it.
I'll get that bird, easy peasy.

Nothing can stop me--



-[truck horn blaring]
-[slams]

[rattles]

[concierge]
Here's your key card, madam.

Oh, thank you.

Let's go check out
our room, Tweety.

I hope it's luxurious.

[wheels rattling]

Huh?

[grunts]

[elevator bell dings]

[smashes]

Ooh, so many pretty buttons!

Can I, Granny?

[chuckles] Well, I suppose
just this once.

[grunting, straining]

[exclaiming joyfully]

-[elevator bell dings]
-[smashes]

[elevator music playing]

-[whirring]
-[elevator bell dings]

-[elevator bell dings]
-[smashes]

-[elevator bell dinging]
-[smashing]

-[elevator bell dinging]
-[smashing]

[crashes]

You get that bird yet?

I was within arm's reach.

Here we are.

[alarm buzzing]

Oh, phooey to these
newfangled key cards.

So darn temperamental.

Oh! [chuckles]
Excuse my language.

-[door beeps, opens]
-[Granny] Got it!

Let's make ourselves
at home, Tweety.

-[wheels rattling]
-[door slams open]

[objects clattering]

[person whistles
appreciatively]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[swing music playing]

[whimsical music playing]

[sighs in relief]

-[yells]
-[whistling through air]

[crashes]

Yeah, yeah. Keep your shirt on.
The bird's coming.

-[coin pings]
-That's a nice color on you.

Really brings out your bruises.

-[barking]
-[yells]

[panting]

[barking]

[gasping, breathing heavily]

-[mimicking barking]
-Ah!

Well played, bird.

[whistling through air]

[clangs]

Yeah, I know. I fell for it.

-[crashes]
-[objects clattering]

Well, look what we have here.

[chuckles appreciatively]
Wonderful!

I'm going to test out the bed.

Okay, Granny. I'm hungry.

Let's order some room service.

[knocking at door]

[Sylvester in singsong voice]
Room service!

Wow, that was fast.

-Come in.
-[door opens]

[wheels rattling]

[in normal voice]
Good evening, sir.

Our chef has prepared
a number of delicious dishes.

But may I recommend
starting with the main course?

I don't see any food.

-[clangs]
-[Sylvester] I do!

[laughing wickedly]

I don't know.
That dish was about

as empty as your head, puddy.

-Uh-oh!
-[clangs]

[revving]

[dramatic chase music playing]

-[television buzzing]
-[swing jazz music playing]

-[horn blaring]
-[crashes]

-[door opens]
-[slams]

[Tweety] Granny!

Help!

[snoring]

Oh, sorry.
Sleep tight, Granny.

-[snoring]
-Shh!

[whispers] Quiet, puddy.

[softly] Oh, sorry.

[classical lullaby
music playing]

[in normal voice]
That was close.

Yeah, it was.

[dramatic music playing]

-[crashes]
-[objects shattering]

[thuds]

All right, cat.
Where's my bird?

It can't be done.

[groans, snaps fingers]

[gasps] It's impossible.

I've tried everything!

He's a monster!

That little bird?

[chuckles] A monster?

[laughing] You're pathetic.

Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you
try to catch him, tough guy.

Catch a bird?
You want me to catch that bird?

Fine, I'll catch that bird.

-[crashing, shattering]
-[cats meowing in panic]

Here, bada-bing, bada-bird.

[stuttering] But how?

How... How did you do it?

Simple. I just
went in there and...

He don't know me very well,
do he?

[theme music playing]

-[dramatic music playing]
-[audience applauding]

I, the great Daffy,

will perform amazing feats
of prestidigitation.

For this trick, I shall
need a volunteer.

Huh? Who? What?
When? Where? How?

Thank you for volunteering,
my good sir.

Now, let the magic begin!

-Comfortable?
-Eh, eh, what? Yes.

-A little.
-Good, good.

That's good.

-Now...
-[chainsaw revving]

...this won't hurt a bit!

-[chainsaw buzzing]
-[screams]

[laughs insanely]

[pops]

How do you feel now?

I feel like half the pig
I used to be.

Don't worry, the trick
ain't over yet!

-[groaning]
-Ta-da!

[gasps] What the...

You... Why you phony magician.

I don't think this
is how the trick
is supposed to go.

Really? Looks right to me.

[theme music playing]

[sizzling]

[groaning]

Another blistering hot
and boring day in the desert.

It's got to be 100 degrees
in the shade.

That is, if there was shade.

[sighs in relief]
That's better.

Hey, what gives?

Wait a minute.
Get back over...

Hello? Hello!

Why the heck
are you circling me like that?

Oh!

["Ride of the Valkyries"
playing]

[screeching]

[exclaims]

[Beaky Buzzard]
Ooh! [grunting, straining]

Oh, Mr. Rabbit!

Come on out, Mr. Rabbit.

-[crunches]
-You have a visitor.

-[chuckles]
-Eh...

What's up, Doc?

Or should I say, what's down?

Well, uh, there's a rabbit
down in this hole,

and, uh, I'm trying
to flush him out. [chuckles]

[laughing] Rabbit, he says.

What a dummy!

[crunches, chewing]

[grunts] Got you!

[in sing-song voice]
I got a rabbit,
I got a rabbit.

-[Beaky Buzzard vocalizing]
-Well, now that you caught me,

what are you gonna do with me?

[in normal voice]
Uh, I'm gonna, uh...

Uh...

-Eat you!
-Eat me?

Yup. [chuckles] Yup, yes, sir.

I'm gonna take you home
and tenderize you,

then slice you open
and pull out your innards,

and finally simmer you
in a big old stew.

Hold it up!

You know, Doc, there are
less labor intensive ways
of getting a meal.

-There are?
-Sure.

Haven't you ever
heard of fast food?

Uh...

-Fast food?
-Here, let me show you.

Just look this-a-way,
and the food will come

-right to you.
-[gasps]

So, keep your eyes peeled
or you might miss it.

Oh, goody goody.
Whoo-hoo, yum yum yum.

Oh, look, I think I see
some fast food coming
right now.

Really? Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I can't w--

[slams]

Here comes some more!

-[thuds]
-[horn blowing]

-And some more.
-[chuckles]

-[horn blowing]
-[smacks]

And some more still.

-[thuds]
-[Beaky Buzzard grunts]

-Even more!
-[thuds]

-[Beaky Buzzard grunting]
-[thudding]

Okay, tiger, take five.
Come on in.

[groaning]

Oh, boy!
That sure was fast food.

I didn't even see 'em. [groans]

Whoa! Easy there, champ.

All right.
So, maybe you're a little
too slow for fast food.

Too slow, eh?

Hey! Are you insinuating,
uh, something?

Oh, no, no, no, Doc.
I wasn't insinuating anything.

I was just saying that, uh,
that, uh...

Well, maybe you're better off
eating something you can see.

And there's no better food
than seafood.

Seafood? Yeah! [chuckles]

Uh, but where are we gonna
find seafood in the desert?

Over here, Doc.

Feast your eyes
on this delicious delicacy
known as...

...desert lobsters.

Oh, boy, oh, boy!
Desert lobsters!

Down the hatch.

[gulps, chomps] Mmm-mmm.

[grunts]

Ooh! Geez, Doc!

Why didn't you tell me
you were allergic to shellfish?

Oh, you never asked.

[thuds]

[laughs gleefully]

Well, that takes care
of that bozo.

Can you believe
he fell for that one?

Not so fast, buster.

Those weren't
desert lobsters at all.

They were scorpions.

Easy, Doc. It was
an honest mistake.

Listen, let me make it up to ya

with a nice full slab
of juicy baby back ribs.

Mmm. Baby back ribs?

[Bugs] Fresh off the grill,

I present you
barbecue baby back ribs.

-[sizzling]
-Oh, boy, oh, boy!

I can still hear 'em sizzling.

Ah!

Huh?

Hmm.

I see what's going on here.

Another one
of your rotten tricks!

-[explosion]
-But it didn't work this time.

-That's it.
-[choking]

-[slams]
-[grunts]

I'm gonna eat you
right here and now.

[straining] Okay, Doc, you win.

You can eat me.

But it looks like
you got some competition.

Huh? What are
you talkin' about?

[Bugs] There, up there!

It's another buzzard,
ready to swoop down

at any moment and snatch me.

Oh! Muscling in on my meal, eh?

Well, I'll show him, by gum.

["Ride of the Valkyries"
playing]

-[engine whirring]
-[wings flapping]

-[Beaky Buzzard grunts]
-[thuds]

Well, I've seen a few airheads
in my day,

but he was just plain silly.

[chuckles gleefully]

I might be silly,
but I sure ain't hungry.

[laughing]

[theme music playing]