Looney Tunes Cartoons (2019–…): Season 6, Episode 1 - Bugs Bunny in Birthday Grifts/Daffy Magician: Vintage Porkys/Tub-o-War - full transcript
Elmer throws a birthday party. Porky goes old school. Marvin the Martian tries to give his dog a bath.
[theme music playing]
Oh, boy!
It's my birthday today.
And I'm celebrating it
with my favorite people,
me, myself and I.
[laughs]
Oh, he shouldn't have.
-[doorbell rings]
-Huh?
And now to the topper
to my wonderful party.
The birthday cake has arrived.
[delivery man] Birthday cake
delivery for Mr. Fudd.
Thank you.
I just love cake.
And I'm going to eat
the whole thing by my--
[rattles]
Hey, how did you get in here?
[gulps] Through
that door, chum.
Well, this is a private party,
and you weren't invited!
And now you've ruined it
by eating my birthday cake!
Your birthday cake?
[chuckles nervously]
Eh, sorry, mac.
No worries.
It looks like my cake came
with a surprise present.
[chuckles nervously]
What's that, doc?
You. And you'll make
a terrific addition to my wall.
Help us.
You're dead, rabbit.
Hold it, mac.
I'm dead?
Have you seen
this party you're throwing?
Uh, what's that
supposed to mean?
Well, take a look around.
This party is pathetic!
[honks]
It is?
Yeah! Frankly,
it's embarrassing.
But you're in luck, chum.
I happen to be
an expert party planner.
-You are?
-Yeah.
And just to make it up to ya,
I'll throw you
an amazing birthday party
you'll never forget.
Hmm.
Well...
All right.
But if you screw up,
I'm adding your cute little
bunny head to my collection.
Okay, mac. Now the first
ingredient to a great party
is a fun game.
And what could be more fun
than pin the tail
on the donkey?
All right!
I love stabbing animals
with sharp instruments.
Okie-dokie.
We'll give you a spin
and get ready to pin.
Okay, doc. Go for it.
Warm, warmer.
Cold, colder, colder.
Warmer, warmer, warmer.
Am I close, Mr. Rabbit?
You're boiling hot, doc!
Oh, boy!
[crashing]
[thuds]
Did I get him?
Yeah, mac!
Ya pinned him good.
Hey, birthday games
aren't supposed to hurt.
I think I've been hoodwinked.
[gasps]
Ya got me all wrong, pal.
I can prove it.
Just take a look outside.
Ta-da!
Hot dog!
A bouncy house.
Me first, me first.
[exclaiming]
[laughs]
[Elmer cheers]
Whoo! I love it.
So much fun!
Oh, boy!
Wow, I went really high!
I think he'll really
-get a rise outta this one.
-[Elmer laughing]
[Elmer] This is the best ever.
[exclaims]
[laughs]
Yay! Whoa!
Whoo! I love it. Whoa!
[laughs]
-Yay!
-[doorbell rings]
Oh, boy. Who could that be?
Are you the magician
for my birthday party?
Boy! That was some really
great bouncing, mac.
Where am I?
You're at the best
birthday party of ya life.
Now, I remember.
You've been providing purposely
painful birthday activities.
[chuckles nervously]
I don't know what
you're talking about, doc.
Well, I've got a new game
called Kill the Rabbit!
[gulps] Uh-oh.
Gotcha! I'm going to make
lucky rabbit's feet out of you.
But, doc, there's just one more
birthday game left.
Musical chairs.
Musical chairs?
Goodie gumdrops!
I just love musical chairs.
I thought you would.
I'll go start the music.
[music playing]
[music stops]
All right, now we'll have
to remove two chairs.
[music playing]
[music stops]
I did it. I did it!
I won!
[laughs]
[screams]
[laughing]
Well, that's that.
Boy, that was easier
than I thought.
[slashes]
[growls]
Say your prayers, rabbit.
Please, doc.
You had your chance.
But, wait, doc.
One more thing.
A key?
Yeah.
It's for you, doc.
For the birthday gift I got ya.
Birthday gift?
Your brand new car!
[gasps]
And that's not all,
birthday boy.
Look in the glove compartment.
A deed?
That's right, amigo.
Step on it.
Here we are.
Your brand new house!
[exclaiming]
[chuckles]
On top of your brand new yacht!
[exclaims and laughs]
Like what ya see, chum?
Just wait till you see
your private birthday island.
Whoo-hoo!
My own private island.
Hey, I think that
rabbit trick--
[explosion]
Can't ask him now, but I'd say
he had a real blast.
[laughs cheekily]
[theme music playing]
I, the great Daffy,
will perform amazing feats
of prestidigitation.
For this trick,
I shall need a volunteer.
Huh, who, what,
when, where, how?
Thank you for volunteering,
my good sir.
Now for the magic words.
Prestus, changus, rearrange-us.
[indistinct] Huh!
Huh? Cut that out.
Stop that this instant.
I'm warning yo--
I mean it--
This has gone too far.
En-- Stop!
You better put me back
to normal right now.
Okay, okay.
Geez.
[both] Looks right to me.
[theme music playing]
[Marvin] Eliminate variable Z,
divide by X.
Carry the two,
and... [gasps]
Oh, hooray, hooray!
After 200 light years,
the formula for lukewarm
fusion is finally complete.
Now Mars and yours truly,
shall be virtually unstoppable.
Oh, the conquering I will do.
[panting]
What do you think
of my formula, K-9?
Isn't it lovely? Hmm, isn't it?
Oh! The formula.
You ruined the formula.
K-9!
I warned you about frolicking
in those Martian mud fields.
And now look what you've done.
I must punish you severely.
But first,
you need a bath.
[screeching]
Ugh! Drag your feet
all you want.
Like it or not,
you will be bathed.
Come on you.
[groaning]
[crashing]
K-9!
I command you to
turn around this instant.
[grunting]
Unfortunately for him,
his collar contains
a highly sophisticated
dog retrieval devise.
[zapping]
Now I've got you.
His primitive mind
is no match for my advanced
Martian intellect.
-[groans]
-[crashing]
[panting]
Mmm. My hound thinks
he can disobey me.
Well, not for long.
Oh, K-9!
Look what I have.
-It's your favorite
squeak-able toy.
-[squeaks]
-[squeaking]
-Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Who wants his toy?
Come and get it.
[panting]
[squeaks]
[squeaks]
[squeaking]
Oh, No! Wait.
It's just a toy, see?
[squeaks]
[growls]
Yipe!
[screams]
[squeaking]
Ow! Please stop.
Oh! Ow!
Oh, Please. Agony! Oh!
Get back here, you.
[zapping]
[barks]
Oh!
Gotcha.
I'll make quick work of him
with my atomic laser leash.
Drag me around all you want.
You will be rendered sanitary.
[grunts]
[screams]
[screams]
[thuds]
[groans]
[machine whirring]
Oh, dear.
[screams]
Make it stop.
-Make it stop!
-[squeaks]
[theme music playing]
Oh, boy!
It's my birthday today.
And I'm celebrating it
with my favorite people,
me, myself and I.
[laughs]
Oh, he shouldn't have.
-[doorbell rings]
-Huh?
And now to the topper
to my wonderful party.
The birthday cake has arrived.
[delivery man] Birthday cake
delivery for Mr. Fudd.
Thank you.
I just love cake.
And I'm going to eat
the whole thing by my--
[rattles]
Hey, how did you get in here?
[gulps] Through
that door, chum.
Well, this is a private party,
and you weren't invited!
And now you've ruined it
by eating my birthday cake!
Your birthday cake?
[chuckles nervously]
Eh, sorry, mac.
No worries.
It looks like my cake came
with a surprise present.
[chuckles nervously]
What's that, doc?
You. And you'll make
a terrific addition to my wall.
Help us.
You're dead, rabbit.
Hold it, mac.
I'm dead?
Have you seen
this party you're throwing?
Uh, what's that
supposed to mean?
Well, take a look around.
This party is pathetic!
[honks]
It is?
Yeah! Frankly,
it's embarrassing.
But you're in luck, chum.
I happen to be
an expert party planner.
-You are?
-Yeah.
And just to make it up to ya,
I'll throw you
an amazing birthday party
you'll never forget.
Hmm.
Well...
All right.
But if you screw up,
I'm adding your cute little
bunny head to my collection.
Okay, mac. Now the first
ingredient to a great party
is a fun game.
And what could be more fun
than pin the tail
on the donkey?
All right!
I love stabbing animals
with sharp instruments.
Okie-dokie.
We'll give you a spin
and get ready to pin.
Okay, doc. Go for it.
Warm, warmer.
Cold, colder, colder.
Warmer, warmer, warmer.
Am I close, Mr. Rabbit?
You're boiling hot, doc!
Oh, boy!
[crashing]
[thuds]
Did I get him?
Yeah, mac!
Ya pinned him good.
Hey, birthday games
aren't supposed to hurt.
I think I've been hoodwinked.
[gasps]
Ya got me all wrong, pal.
I can prove it.
Just take a look outside.
Ta-da!
Hot dog!
A bouncy house.
Me first, me first.
[exclaiming]
[laughs]
[Elmer cheers]
Whoo! I love it.
So much fun!
Oh, boy!
Wow, I went really high!
I think he'll really
-get a rise outta this one.
-[Elmer laughing]
[Elmer] This is the best ever.
[exclaims]
[laughs]
Yay! Whoa!
Whoo! I love it. Whoa!
[laughs]
-Yay!
-[doorbell rings]
Oh, boy. Who could that be?
Are you the magician
for my birthday party?
Boy! That was some really
great bouncing, mac.
Where am I?
You're at the best
birthday party of ya life.
Now, I remember.
You've been providing purposely
painful birthday activities.
[chuckles nervously]
I don't know what
you're talking about, doc.
Well, I've got a new game
called Kill the Rabbit!
[gulps] Uh-oh.
Gotcha! I'm going to make
lucky rabbit's feet out of you.
But, doc, there's just one more
birthday game left.
Musical chairs.
Musical chairs?
Goodie gumdrops!
I just love musical chairs.
I thought you would.
I'll go start the music.
[music playing]
[music stops]
All right, now we'll have
to remove two chairs.
[music playing]
[music stops]
I did it. I did it!
I won!
[laughs]
[screams]
[laughing]
Well, that's that.
Boy, that was easier
than I thought.
[slashes]
[growls]
Say your prayers, rabbit.
Please, doc.
You had your chance.
But, wait, doc.
One more thing.
A key?
Yeah.
It's for you, doc.
For the birthday gift I got ya.
Birthday gift?
Your brand new car!
[gasps]
And that's not all,
birthday boy.
Look in the glove compartment.
A deed?
That's right, amigo.
Step on it.
Here we are.
Your brand new house!
[exclaiming]
[chuckles]
On top of your brand new yacht!
[exclaims and laughs]
Like what ya see, chum?
Just wait till you see
your private birthday island.
Whoo-hoo!
My own private island.
Hey, I think that
rabbit trick--
[explosion]
Can't ask him now, but I'd say
he had a real blast.
[laughs cheekily]
[theme music playing]
I, the great Daffy,
will perform amazing feats
of prestidigitation.
For this trick,
I shall need a volunteer.
Huh, who, what,
when, where, how?
Thank you for volunteering,
my good sir.
Now for the magic words.
Prestus, changus, rearrange-us.
[indistinct] Huh!
Huh? Cut that out.
Stop that this instant.
I'm warning yo--
I mean it--
This has gone too far.
En-- Stop!
You better put me back
to normal right now.
Okay, okay.
Geez.
[both] Looks right to me.
[theme music playing]
[Marvin] Eliminate variable Z,
divide by X.
Carry the two,
and... [gasps]
Oh, hooray, hooray!
After 200 light years,
the formula for lukewarm
fusion is finally complete.
Now Mars and yours truly,
shall be virtually unstoppable.
Oh, the conquering I will do.
[panting]
What do you think
of my formula, K-9?
Isn't it lovely? Hmm, isn't it?
Oh! The formula.
You ruined the formula.
K-9!
I warned you about frolicking
in those Martian mud fields.
And now look what you've done.
I must punish you severely.
But first,
you need a bath.
[screeching]
Ugh! Drag your feet
all you want.
Like it or not,
you will be bathed.
Come on you.
[groaning]
[crashing]
K-9!
I command you to
turn around this instant.
[grunting]
Unfortunately for him,
his collar contains
a highly sophisticated
dog retrieval devise.
[zapping]
Now I've got you.
His primitive mind
is no match for my advanced
Martian intellect.
-[groans]
-[crashing]
[panting]
Mmm. My hound thinks
he can disobey me.
Well, not for long.
Oh, K-9!
Look what I have.
-It's your favorite
squeak-able toy.
-[squeaks]
-[squeaking]
-Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Who wants his toy?
Come and get it.
[panting]
[squeaks]
[squeaks]
[squeaking]
Oh, No! Wait.
It's just a toy, see?
[squeaks]
[growls]
Yipe!
[screams]
[squeaking]
Ow! Please stop.
Oh! Ow!
Oh, Please. Agony! Oh!
Get back here, you.
[zapping]
[barks]
Oh!
Gotcha.
I'll make quick work of him
with my atomic laser leash.
Drag me around all you want.
You will be rendered sanitary.
[grunts]
[screams]
[screams]
[thuds]
[groans]
[machine whirring]
Oh, dear.
[screams]
Make it stop.
-Make it stop!
-[squeaks]
[theme music playing]