Looking (2014–2015): Season 2, Episode 8 - Looking for Glory - full transcript

Your breath is terrible.

- Go back to sleep.
- Oh my god.

Go back to sleep.

Mmm.

All right.

Okay.

Hey.

Wake up, sleepy...

Shit! Oh my god!

Ow. Just... just go back to bed.

Is it another earthquake?



No no, me and my stupid butterfingers.

Are you making me breakfast
in bed, Patrick Murray?

Yeah, I was trying to, yeah.

Just leave it. Don't cut yourself.

Ugh, I even made a special
trip to get goji berries.

Patrick, please come on.
We'll tidy that up later.

Just come back to bed.

Okay. Oh god.

That's so sweet.

Oh god, I got granola on my feet.

Don't need breakfast in
bed. You in bed is enough.

Mm-hm.

- Minty fresh.
- Of course.

Mm.



You're really excited about tomorrow.

I am. I am.

Do you think that that fantasy bisexual

goth princess from Austin will be there?

She's at every GaymerX, and she
always has the coolest stuff.

- Does she?
- Yeah, the best.

But will she have otters
battling banjee boys?

- That's the thing.
- I hope not.

Well, if she does, we're screwed.

No, are you kidding? We're so going
to be the hit of the conference.

- You think so?
- Yeah.

We're taking gay-related
apps to the next level.

I'm seeing like the
cover of "Time" magazine.

That's if it actually works.

I don't even think it
can stand alone as it is.

I hate putting something out
in the world that isn't perfect.

Well, it's close enough, okay,

and I'm not waiting another
year for this to come around.

We're doing it.

Okay. Well, I'm excited as well.

Clearly, yeah, you're excited.

Do you, uh, ever wear pants?

How long are you staying here again?

Oh, are you tired of me already?

Oh, I'm this close to calling INS.

Morning.

Wow.

Okay, two weeks, you guys
are now sharing clothes, huh?

What? It's cute,

and I haven't done my laundry in weeks.

Yeah, it's a choice.

What? If it looks stupid,
I'm gonna change it.

It's fine.

Fine?

What does that mean?

Okay, this is that moment

when Daddy's about to hit
Mommy at the dinner table,

so I'm gonna go ahead and excuse myself.

The whole point of having a boyfriend

who's the same size as you is

so you can double your wardrobe.

I wear that to work a lot.

Oh, come on. We work at MDG, not Vogue.

This isn't the "Devil Wears Dog" shirt.

Patrick, we talked about
doing this a certain way.

Doing what?

First we tell people that
I've broken up with Jon,

and then we allow a courtesy gap.

Oh god, the courtesy gap was a real thing?

Um, yeah.

When Brad broke up with Jennifer,

he didn't want people to know

he was fucking Angelina straightaway.

There was a courtesy gap.

All right, well, I was always Team Jen, so.

Oh god, you don't think people
are gonna be Team Jon, do you?

I'm just trying to be sensitive about this.

And I totally get that,

but didn't we also talk
about taking baby steps?

I mean, so far we've just been cloistered

in my room like gay nuns.

Gay nuns who have a lot of
sex and eat a lot of pizza.

That's very true, but...

that doesn't feel like moving forward.

Right?

- We've established a tension that...
- Doesn't have a payoff.

So we've found that we lose
most users at this point...

Because the gameplay falters here.

You guys have got to stop

finishing each other's sentences.

It's called teamwork, Owen.

Isn't it fun to be on a great team?

I mean I guess, but I...
I think it's a little weird

that you guys even buy the same sweater.

- Right?
- Yeah.

I didn't buy this sweater.

No.

That is my sweater.

Yeah, he said I could borrow it

as long as I promised not
to spill anything on it.

Yeah, Butterfingers
here spilled goji berries

and yogurt all over his floor this morning.

Wait. Why were you at his house

so early in the morning?

Because he... he stayed over.

Li... like in your bed?

Yeah.

Because you guys are a thing now?

Um, yeah, that's one way of putting it.

Uh, so Jon's totally
out of the picture now?

Because he was supposed
to work on my sciatica.

Hey, dude, I can't get a heads-up?

A heads-up about what?

We've sat next to each other for how long?

Owen.

Okay, if we can move on,
that would be really great.

Yeah, we're good.

Good. Because we're all adults
here. It's really no big deal.

Yeah, I just hope it won't
impact our company culture

of fairness and that heterosexuals
won't be discriminated against.

Of course, Meredith. Um, absolutely.

I think Owen was really
pissed I didn't tell him.

Well, maybe he's just upset

that his friend is sleeping with his boss.

Do you know that Meredith
marched straight to HR

after our meeting?

Oh my god. You don't think they
could actually fire us, do you?

What? No.

But there will be some whisperings

and there may be some bitchy comments

written on the toilet walls.

Well, whatever.

The gay genie is out of
the gay fucking bottle.

Yes, it is.

It'll just take some people a
little time to get used to it.

Do you think your sister
will ever get used to it?

Well, Megan thinks that I destroyed

the most perfect relationship
in the entire world, so no.

- But, whatever.
- Mm-hm.

I'm glad that it's out
in the public, you know?

- It makes it more real.
- Mm.

This isn't some weird,
secret thing anymore.

It's something we can be proud of.

Well, I am, 100%.

Well, you should be,
'cause I'm a fucking catch.

- Are you?
- Yeah.

Especially in this sweater.

So, it's, you know, it looks
a little messy right now,

but it's gonna be great, I think.

Yeah. Absolutely.

I know I rushed into it, and I didn't

wait for the money to come through.

Yeah, well, I told him
not to rush it, you know?

And I quit my job and
maxed out my credit cards,

and I'll probably end up homeless.

But... how exciting is this?

This is so exciting.

I mean it, too. I'm not
being sarcastic. I love it.

This is my place, and
I can hardly believe it.

Well, it's incredible, man.

Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Yay.

Cheers, queers.

- Ew.
- Oh god.

Apparently I need a new fridge, too.

Yeah, you are setting the stage

for your first one-star Yelp review. Gross.

If you really wanna help,
you could come put in

the water filtration
system with me tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Vallejo.

- Vallejo?
- Mm-hm.

My niece is having a birthday,

but if you wanna stay
and help, babe, it's fine.

No, no, no. I wanna meet 'em.

We can do the water thing later, right?

Well, if we don't put it in tomorrow,

then I'll have to change
a whole bunch of...

But you know what? Don't worry about it.

Just go. I'll call one of the guys to help.

No. You know what? We'll come afterwards,

after we're done, all right?

- Seriously.
- We don't have to stay over.

Seriously, don't worry about it.

Look at your chicken window.

- Look at this.
- Look at it.

I'm so proud of you.

I am so proud of you.

I'm proud of me, too.

Are you sure we're ready for this?

Completely, yeah.

Hurry, let's get in there.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Hi, hi, we're really late.

It should be under One
Up Him, but if it's not...

Matheson or Murray.

Hey, did you remember to put
the new build on the iPads?

Uh, yeah, did I? Fuck, did I?

Did you?

- Yeah.
- Don't do that!

- Yes, thank you.
- Don't freak me out like that.

You got it. Thank you so much.

She said it was table number 10,

next to some anime thing.

But everything looks like an anime thing.

Oh, there. I think it's over here.

Whoa.

Good costumes this year, right?

Yeah, this is amazing.

Oh shit. Everybody is set up except for us.

- Excuse me.
- Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry, boys. Can I just...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thanks.

Oh my god, they've got
porn guys over there.

Nice.

All right, where'd you put the table clips?

Table... Oh fuck, sorry. Really?

All right, let me ask this guy.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey. Cute zip-up.

Thank you.

We were wondering, actually,
if you had any table clips?

We left ours at home.

Always be prepared, homie.

Come on, this is GaymerX.

- I know.
- Ryder, do we have clips?

- Extra, ah.
- Thank you.

Perfect.

- Thank you, so much.
- Sure.

So what's "Glorified"?

It looks like a spy game.

Well, it's not.

"Glorified" lets you find
all the nearest glory holes.

You can give them ratings,

leave comments, message,
meet up with other users.

It's like social networking

for the orally adventurous.

Wow.

I thought the whole point was to not know

who was on the other
side of the glory hole.

No. The whole point is
to get your dick sucked

or to suck a dick.

- Right.
- So, "One Up Him,"

is that a Reese Witherspoon movie?

No.

It's actually a... It's a matching game,

where different kinds of
gays battle each other.

- Different types of gays.
- Yeah.

- Bears versus Twinks.
- Yeah.

So, your game's about stereotypes.

Well, no, it's more... it's more
about subverting stereotypes.

Ah, got it. It'll be interesting to see

what you and your brother
think "subverting" means.

That's not my brother. That's my boyfriend.

Really?

You guys are like identical.

Why don't you just jerk off in the mirror

if you think you're so cute?

Thanks for the clips.

You're welcome. Welcome to GaymerX!

- Thank you.
- Have fun.

Thanks.

I'm close, I'm close.

I wanna see you cum.

Give it to me, give me that wood.

- Where do you want it?
- On my chest, baby.

- You want it?
- Yeah.

- You fucking want it?
- Yeah.

Oh!

Oh...

No, it's fine.

- Cum for me.
- Okay.

Come on. Now you're going to cum for me.

Cum for me, baby.

- I'm gonna... I'm just gonna...
- Yeah.

- I'm gonna clean this.
- Okay.

Yeah?

Everything okay?

Yeah.

You're sure?

Totally.

Totally, I'll be right out.

I mean, I know it's fine.

I know you can't get it from that,

and even if you could, he's undetectable.

So it's like, why am I
still in my head about it?

Why am I the go-to on having
an AIDS meltdown friend?

Because you're old... and wise.

Hand me the Channellock.

Uh, the what?

The Channellock. It's got blue handles.

These are pliers.

Well, these pliers are Channellocks.

Dom, I'm in crisis here.

The least you could do is refer
to tools by their actual names.

You're not in crisis, Agustin.

You're just freaked out
because there's a possibility

you may not be equipped to
date someone who's HIV positive.

It's not 1994. Just... go on PrEP.

Get over it.

Wow, okay.

Looks like someone got their library card.

No, someone was just hoping his friend

who said he'd come help
would actually help.

But you know I'm shitty with tools.

Why didn't you call Doris?

She's with Malik in Vallejo.

Oh, looks like someone's
gonna need a new hag.

- Fuck off.
- You should try Craigslist.

Hags love Craigslist.

I can see it now.

- "Castro clone seeks funny lady."
- Mm.

"One Up Him" is a battling game,

where you fight using gay archetypes.

- That sounds very 2009 to me.
- Yes. No, I totally get that.

But let me just show you
how it works, really quickly.

You choose a category.

So you go to fierceness, okay?

And then you pick the one
that's the most fierce...

so let's say, "The Furry..."

And then you hit "Select."

It's cool, isn't it?

Is something supposed to be happening?

Yeah, no, we're still debugging it.

I just... Oh fuck, not again.

I'm gonna go play Bro-Force.

Okay, well, just come
back if you want to, okay?

We're just over at this booth over here.

You guys know... you know
how it goes with, um...

You use two people...

Well, that's the whole point of the game.

- Actually like each other.
- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, what are you guys doing here?

- Brady is covering GaymerX.
- Yup.

Well.

Yeah, the last article went really well,

so they're thinking maybe this is like

a cover story or something.

Isn't that rad?

So rad.

What about you? What are you doing here?

What? I love video games.

No, I... I knew this would be
amazing, so I made him come.

Well, that's great. Welcome to GaymerX.

- Thanks.
- So are you guys, uh...

Working together, yeah. We actually...

We created this app together

and this conference
only happens once a year,

so we thought it was really important

to commit, and get it here, and get it out.

Wow.

Yeah.

Hm.

You... Are you guys sticking around tonight

- for the prom after-party?
- Oh my God, yeah.

Would you wanna grab a
bite ***, it could be...

it could be like a double date.

So you guys are dating now or...

Us? Yeah. Oh you thought he dumped me.

- Wel that's not exactly...
- Well that's exactly what happened.

You dumped me and then
you took me back, which was

awesome for me because I realized
I couldn't be without him.

That's cool. So you guys
are like a thing now?

- Yes, we are.
- Are we? Yeah...

- I think, yes, we are.
- Yeah, we are a thing. Yes.

Okay. Gamer couple
creates an app, breaks up,

but reunites for love of
the game and each other,

and has a massive showing at GaymerX.

This is my fucking cover story.

- Oh my god.
- Great.

This is hilarious, by the way.

I guess that makes you "Homewrecker Gay."

That is... Oh my god, "Homewrecker gay."

That's a really good suggestion.

We need a suggestion box here.

All right, who's ready

for the big GaymerX cosplay pageant?

This is the costume thing. I gotta...
I gotta shoot this, but... tonight.

Okay? Get ready. We're going deep.

- Let's go deep.
- Good for you.

Thanks, Richie.

Are you ready?

- Wow.
- Okay.

- You're a hypocrite, Patrick Murray.
- Oh, come on.

What was I supposed to do?
Text him out of the blue,

and be like, "BT-dubs, dating Kevin,

"he broke up with Jon,"
smiley, winky emoticon?

After all the shit you've been giving me?

The hypocrisy

does not undermine my
point that I'm trying make.

Uh, it does a little.

Maybe a little bit, but I still think...

You're very cute when you're wrong.

Okay.

Look at this.

We could be brothers.

Hey, twincest,

get a room.

Don't worry, we already have one.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

- Are you ready for this?
- Mm-hm.

- Ta-da.
- This is nice.

- You sneaky little puppy.
- But wait, there's more.

- More?
- Yes.

Follow me into the bedroom.

I brought our suits for the prom.

Ah, well done.

That's my favorite tie.

- I know.
- You must've known that.

- Flowers.
- Mm-hm.

Patrick.

Are you trying to redo

some bad high school prom experience?

Well, my prom was basically
like in "21 Jump Street"

when that nerdy girl lit
the gym on fire, so yes.

But now, I have a very
important question for you.

Oh god.

- Kevin Matheson?
- Yeah.

Will you be my gay gamer prom date?

- I thought you'd never ask.
- Oh!

Hey.

Is this your hiding spot?

This is my work-too-frigging-much-

and-I-need-a-break spot.

Jesus Christ, this fucking city.

It's 85 degrees and burning,
and then an hour later,

it's negative 14 and freezing.

You kinda disappeared on me.

Yeah, Dom needed help with the new place.

Yeah, I... I can't do this, Agustin.

Do what?

I've been through it too many times.

A really well-intentioned guy
says that he's totally cool,

and well informed, and
big surprise, he's not.

I just can't anymore.

Okay, that's not what's going on.

No, do you have any idea what it's like

to be a big poz queer in this town?

Everyone in San Francisco
loves to talk about

how well informed they are
and how inclusive they are.

But, like, really, when you get down to it,

they're just the same
self-hating, close-minded,

racist gays that you see

prancing on Santa Monica Boulevard in WeHo.

Okay, okay, look.

I got weird, okay, and I don't know why.

It's something I gotta work on.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah,

but I will work on it, okay?

Because for whatever
reason I'm super into you.

Now listen, go get your stuff

because it's Kylie night at Toad Hall,

and we're long overdue for
a shirtless dance session.

You know we are.

Fine.

Wow, look at this!

Oh, wow!

This is already a thousand
times better than high school.

This is crazy.

Whoa.

I have a question.

Oh, yeah?

Will you dance with me?

Uh, no.

Everybody loves him. Ugh!

What else? What else?

Kissing, right?

Yeah, kissing, yes.

- Look how gangster you are in that.
- This is so much fun.

I have a lazy eye in that.

Oh.

I look a little chunks.

But you look great.

No, you don't, you look wonderful.

♪ We're running out
of words to say ♪

♪ And love's floating away ♪

♪ Just say you love
me, just for today ♪

♪ And don't give me time ♪

♪ 'Cause that's not the same ♪

♪ Want to feel burning flames ♪

♪ When you say my name ♪

♪ Want to feel passion
flow into my bones ♪

♪ Like blood through my veins ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't
wanna fall in love ♪

♪ If you don't wanna try ♪

♪ But all that I've
been thinking of ♪

♪ Is maybe that you might ♪

♪ And, baby, it
looks as though ♪

♪ We're running out of words ♪

Hey, you've reached Doris. I'm not here.

Da-dur.

Hey, um, I just wanted to see
how the birthday party went.

Hope you're having fun in Vallejo,

partying hard with all the seven-year-olds.

Say hi to Malik for me.

Uh, anyway, so I'm assuming

you're not coming back, which is fine.

Uh... Yeah, have fun.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.

You okay?

I'm so good.

Why do you keep asking me that?

You'll feel better if
you eat your eggs, Brady.

You'll feel better if you
eat your eggs, Patsmith.

I have pancakes.

It's gonna make you fat.

- Well.
- He's got a point.

Really?

Hey.

Can you take me to the bathroom

before I throw up?

Uh, uh, me? No, ask Richie.

No, no, no. Shh.

Richie's judging me and...

and the way you talk,
it's like Mary Poppins.

Shit, so I want you to take me.

I choose you, Pikachu.

- All right, then.
- Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, of course. I can
take you to throw up.

Okay, don't throw up on me.

- Yell if you need help, okay?
- Yeah, I will.

Ah!

Oh my god.

Oh boy.

So much for that in-depth
interview, I guess.

He's a bit of a lightweight.

He's a good guy, though.

I see why you like him.

He's better when he's not wasted.

I can relate to that.

I was surprised to see you two together.

Yeah, I bet.

I thought you were pretty done with him.

I was.

What happened?

Well, I went to a funeral,

and then I got into a car accident.

- God, are you okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm fine.

Whose funeral was it?

It was actually Doris'
dad, who I don't even know,

but I completely burst into tears,

and then when I got back...

Kevin was standing on my doorstep,

and he'd broken up with Jon.

And the last time
someone stood on my stoop,

they told me I wasn't ready, so...

this time I just... I decided to go for it.

- Guys.
- Yeah.

Guess who's cool?

- Who?
- This guy.

Oh, yeah. No, we had...
We had a false alarm.

Yeah, saving it.

Saving all my vomit for you.

Wow.

No, I'm gonna take back all
the shit I said about you guys.

Brady.

We are gonna take back

all the shit we said about you guys.

And what kinda shit would that be?

Patrick's not a 13-year-old girl

who's afraid of her own vagina.

Oh, wow!

And the two of you together...

that's not what's wrong with
the gay community. Trust me.

Hm.

He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Really? Are you sure?

Because he seems to have really
specific points of reference.

Are you going to finish your pancakes?

You know, Brady, I've never
not finished my pancakes,

but, for you,

get in there.

God, I'm happy I didn't go back to Seattle.

There's nothing but rain and granola.

I remember the first
time I came to the Bay.

I was at Berkeley,

and Agustin and I went up to Indian Rock,

and looked down, and I thought, "Yes."

"I just wanna stay here for
as long as I can hang on."

Hm.

Yep, it's no good, I'm too
cold. We gotta go back inside.

- Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Okay. All right.

Ah!

I cannot believe how many glory
holes there are in this area.

I know.

Oh my god, we just got our first review.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, what does it say?

It says, "Another attempt"

"to divide and label the gay community."

"Bullshit. One star."

"Bullshit"?

Well, I guess we got to
expect things like that, right?

Do you know what?

Fuck that bitchy queen.

We're not going to please everyone.

I am proud of what we've achieved.

Oh, my god. I love you.

I'm... I mean I...

Are you freakin' out a bit, now?

A little bit. I've never said that before.

What? Not even to your mom?

We don't say that in my family.

But... I do.

I love you.

I love you, too.

♪ It's like a story of love ♪

♪ Can you hear me? ♪

♪ Came back only yesterday ♪

♪ We're moving farther away ♪

♪ Want you near me ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ This is gonna take a long time ♪

♪ And I wonder what's mine ♪

♪ Can't take no more ♪

♪ Wonder if you'll understand ♪

♪ It's just the touch ♪
♪ Of your hand ♪

♪ Behind a closed door ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ ♪