Looking (2014–2015): Season 2, Episode 2 - Looking for Results - full transcript

And then when I heard
his car come in the driveway,

I would immediately bust into my
favorite "solid gold" dance moves.

- What's that?
- You don't know what...

It's like the best
dance show on television.

- You don't know that?
- No.

Oh, I'm so bummed.

I'm learning so much
about you today, Patrick.

Oh, God.

Well, I would bust those moves,
I would run around the room,

my dad was so annoyed, he would
be like, "Patrick, calm down."

- "Shut the fuck up!"
- Exactly.



Or just, like, stop
dancing at least.

I couldn't help it, and then
I'd dance over to the door,

and there he was.

Your knight in shining armor.

My dad's best friend, Tony.

He was so hot.
He was so '90s.

He even drove
a bright red motorcycle.

- Of course he did.
- Right?

And when you're little,
you just are really happy,

but you don't
fully know exactly why.

- You just need to dance.
- Yes! Thank you!

I had a huge crush
on my dad's best

friend, Tony, and I
just needed to dance.

- Yeah, me too.
- You too?



When I was little, I was obsessed
with a boy band called "Take That".

Do you know them?

- No.
- They made it here? No?

Anyway, they were
like a British version

- of the backstreet boys.
- Oh.

And I remember the first time
I saw their pop video,

"do what u like,"
and looking back,

I mean it's literally
the gayest thing ever.

They're wearing
fringe leather jackets,

all prancing around rubbing
food into each other.

And I remember
the first time I watched it,

I sat in front of the TV,
getting ready for school,

eating my corn flakes,
and it pops up, and I thought,

"what the fuck is this?"
You know?

- Wow. I loved it.
- Amazing.

I even... I made up
a whole dance routine to it.

- You did not make up a dance.
- Do you wanna see it?

Uh, I need to see
your dance, yes, please.

Okay. Well, don't judge me,
I'm a little bit rusty.

Okay, no.
I wanna see it.

Oh, I'm already impressed.

Okay, well,
just give me a second.

- No, I'm not gonna do it.
- Oh!

- No, I'm too embarrassed.
- Come on.

No, not gonna do it, but I'm
gonna show you something else.

I wanted to see the dance.

Oh, okay, Booty dance,
that's fine, thank you.

- Ba-bum!
- Oh!

- That's the, uh...
- The game I told you about.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Top trumps.

Top trumps!
Yeah, I got them on eBay.

Oh, my God.

Even holding these cards again
makes me feel like a kid.

Well, you gotta teach
me how to play.

- What... the "circus of death"?
- Yeah.

- That's a very dark game.
- Mm-hmm.

- The "maggot."
- Hot.

The fit... oh, my God. These...

Oh, Jesus, Patrick,
look, it's nearly 2:30.

Oh, my God.
Godzilla in a pink bow tie?

I am obsessed with this art.

Yeah, get ready for the gayest
Dracula you've ever seen.

- Uh-oh. Oooh!
- Girl.

Patrick, there's
literally hundreds of these

you can get, anything
you can think of.

"Star wars," "Star trek,"
The Royal Family, Miley Cyrus.

- Wow.
- Cats.

- Amazing. Mmm,
- I'm surprised there isn't a gay one.

Well, why don't we make
a gay game like this?

For, I don't know, for iPhones?

Probably a bit busy
making first-person

shooters for straight men.

No, no, it could be like a
cage match for gay archetypes:

You'd have the "hot jock"
versus the "drag mother."

And then you could have, uh, "lusty
lads of London" against "gay for pay."

"Farm boy with big ideas."

Oh, come on, don't we need
something else in our lives?

Is this really why
we got into this industry?

I don't think gay novelty
games is the reason either.

Oh, the "ashamed gay."
Another card.

This game is practically
writing itself.

Patrick, it's
fucking ridiculous...

Which, of course, means it
would probably work. Right?

- So? What do you say?
- Yeah, let's do it.

- Yes!
- But listen,

the company will own
every idea we come up with.

So we'll need
to keep it on the sly.

But I know you can
keep a secret, so...

Sorry, Patrick,
that was bad taste.

No, I, uh...

I've been meaning
to tell you something.

What?

I told my friends.

You... you told
your friends about us?

Really? But just Dom and Agustín.
Nobody else.

What did they say?
Out of interest.

Actually, you know what?
I don't want to know.

But they obviously think
I'm a prick, do they?

No, no, they don't
think you're a prick.

They don't even know you.

Yeah. Okay, come on.

Uh, you... you go on ahead,
I've got to, uh...

I gotta make that phone call.

Go...
Okay.

Where the fuck have you been?
I was... I went to a movie.

- In the middle of a workday?
- Yeah.

I had to, uh, refill the well
of my creative unconscious.

You read that
on some self-help blog?

No.

Well, what movie did
you pour in there?

They're, uh... "Showgirls."

- It's a revival thing with drag queens.
- At lunchtime?

Yeah, uh, Agustín's
friend organizes it.

It's, um,
it's at the McClintock.

Oh, no, no, no.
Not the McClintock.

What? Why?
You haven't heard?

- Bed bugs.
- What?

You can't let them hear you.
It's bed bugs.

Shut up.
Yeah, it's worse than ever.

Movie theaters,
hotels, you know,

I have a plastic suit I wear
if I'm going to either one.

- You do not.
- I do. I can get you one if you want.

You have a plastic...

Hey. Uh, yeah.

I gotta go.

- I'm worried about you.
- I'm worried about you!

You don't have a plastic suit.

Movie theaters, hotels.

So what do you think
about the "fag stag" card?

A straight guy that only
hangs out with gay men.

Did you say something to him?

Say something to who?
To Owen?

You two were just
whispering to each other.

Oh, yes, that.

No, I'm sorry, I just...
I was just telling him

about that nice, big,
juicy foreskin of yours.

Oh, Patrick, please
don't joke about this.

Of course I would never
say anything to Owen.

It's such a small city.

You tell someone and they happen to
mention it to their fucking dog Walker

and let it slip to
some Castro queen,

and suddenly it's all
over San Francisco.

I really don't want
that to happen. Okay?

Because...
I don't want this to end.

Okay, yeah.
I won't let anyone know.

I'm sorry. Just Dom
and Agustín know.

Okay? It stops there.

Cool. Sorry, I know
it's your friends, and...

- No, it's okay.
- I'm...

Okay, cool. Thanks.

You don't think that hotel
has bed bugs, do you?

- Huh?
- Hm? No. Nothing.

Okay, uh, have a good meeting.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

But we went to this, uh, this hotel,
it's called the Morwood Hotel.

- Oof! Shady lady.
- Oh, my God. That place is so gross.

Even I wouldn't
go there for a hook-up.

Were there cum stains
on the wall?

Come on, don't you guys
find seedy motels kinda sexy?

Not that place. It's been a
24-hour meth party since '97.

So do you guys just fuck
or do you talk too?

We talk all the time. We spend
most of every day together.

Well, what do you talk about?
Work doesn't count.

I don't know, whatever, normal things.
What do people talk about?

All kinds of things. We talk
about boy bands, our childhood.

What about Jon?
Where is he in this?

Yeah.
I don't know.

But what I do know
is that he and Jon

are having major problems.

And I know how that sounds,
like the worst TV show

you've ever seen,
but it's true.

And it's none
of my business, anyway.

So all we can do
is just live in the moment

- and stay open with each other.
- Wide open.

- Gross.
- Who paid for the room?

- He did.
- Mm-hmm.

You're like Julia Roberts
in pretty woman.

Yep, shine up those
fierce thigh highs, Paddy.

You're his dirty
little secret.

Well, secrets are
freaking sexy. And, look,

I know it's because
you guys love me

and you don't want to see me get
hurt, but this is happening.

So just try and see it
from my perspective, okay?

Don't speculate, don't judge,
just be supportive.

I'm gonna be fine.
Really.

You know what, Paddy?
I'm happy for you

that you're getting
nailed in your p-spot.

Well, thank you.
Me too.

And now you finally have someone
to bring home to mommie dearest.

- It's a good neighborhood.
- It is, yeah.

- Yeah. I feel like it's up-and-coming.
- Totally.

It is, totally, and there's
a lot of people who...

- Confess your sins!
- Wow!

Fucking Jesus.
Okay.

Oh, my God. He's gonna work for me.
Kidding.

So... here it is.

- It's this?
- Yeah, this is it. It's cool, huh?

- It's very cool.
- Confess your sins!

So this is where
the chicken comes out?

Yeah, we'll build a little
counter here and then an awning,

and, uh, there will
be a couple benches here,

and maybe a parklet
when I get the permits.

Yeah. How much does it
cost to start it up?

- It's much less than a restaurant.
- Like $10,000?

Well, the kitchen
doesn't really exist yet.

So we'll have to
build that out.

It's like $20k?

And the landlord wants six
months up front, so I need...

- 80. Which is not that much.
- $80,000!

Confess your sins!

He's fucking the boss
behind his boyfriend's back.

Hey, what are you doing?
I'm confessing your sins.

You can't do that! Homeless
people have Twitter accounts.

- Guys, focus.
- Sorry.

- Do you love it?
- It's great.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Why don't I get
a picture of the two of you

- in front of it.
- Great idea.

And, uh, then
we can get out of here.

- Think positive thoughts.
- Okay, yes.

Okay.
Flash that 80k smile.

Say chicken!

- Chicken!
- Money!

- Margaritzis.
- Yay.

- Here's to you, Patrick.
- Thank you.

So, Patrick, how's the affair?

Really? I didn't know it was
a secret until just now.

It's an affair!

I don't know if you know this,
I had an affair once.

Uh, it was with a vet, okay?
Not a, uh, veteran, a veterinarian.

It was fantastic.
Okay, sorry. Whatever.

Okay, zip it, Doris.

As long as
you're having fun,

- good for you.
- Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey,
someone's checking us out.

- Yeah, he's checking us out.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Oh, yeah, big time.
- Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

- We're not even at a gay bar!
- That's a lot of man.

It might need
to be a group effort.

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom.
Dom, will you join me?

- Oh, fun.
- All right.

All right. Have fun.

- Yeah.
- Bye.

I'm glad I bothered
to brush my teeth.

It's... I think it's... I don't
think it's anything, Paddy.

No, look, it's those little
red bumps right there.

- No, it's...
- I hope it's not bed bugs.

I see it,
but it's not bed bugs,

I think it's just
from scratching.

Leave it alone.
Stop touching it.

It wasn't there this morning,
you know?

We went to that hotel
and then did whatever,

and then we played
Top Trumps on the F line and then...

Top trumps? Is that like
bumping donuts for tops?

No, it's a British card game
he wanted me to play.

- It was actually really sweet.
- Aww.

It's definitely
not AIDS, right?

Oh, come on, you make
everything about AIDS.

I do not make
everything about AIDS.

Oh, remember
gay Channing Tatum?

Well, that was different. That
was a legitimate AIDS situation.

I had just had my wisdom teeth pulled
out and it was totally possible

that my gums hadn't healed
before I blew him.

Was that before or after the
time your asshole was so tight

it sucked the condom
off that guy's dick?

- That really happened!
- Really?

- Yes.
- Listen, have another

Margarita and
enjoy the evening.

- Your AIDS crisis is over.
- You're probably right. I'm crazy.

- Maybe it's just a spider bite?
- Maybe.

Here we go.

- Ah! Another round!
- Oh, God!

No, I can't do another.
I'm not paying for this one.

- Why don't you get it?
- Okay. As soon as

I get a job, I'll
get another round,

and I'll get you a new haircut.
Huh? How does that sound?

You know, why don't I get
you a job at the hospital.

But you'd have
to change some catheters,

which actually I think
would be perfect for you,

it would be so real
and gritty and help inspire

your next new body of work.
How about that?

- My art practice is over, so...
- No! Oh, no!

Don't do that to the world!
How cruel!

- Fuck you, hagsville.
- You did not just call me a hag, fag!

- I actually did.
- Did you really?

Hey, hey! Enough
with the hags and fags.

- Unbelievable!
- Is everything okay over here?

Oh, yes. Oh, no, we're
good, thank you for checking.

We're having a heart circle.

We're just, you know, we're sharing
and being honest with each other.

Oh, it's very healing.

You guys are using
shots of Tequila?

- Yeah.
- How'd that work out?

I've been unburdened.
I feel fantastic.

Have we met before?

Um, at the symphony gala maybe?

Um, um...

Uh, yeah, maybe.

Oh, that's totally possible.

How funny, you know,
I actually do, yes.

- Yeah.
- Hi.

- Hi. Malik.
- Hi, I'm Doris.

She's just so rude sometimes.

I know, she always
just says the first

unfiltered thing that
pops into her head,

which, by the way,
is usually wrong.

Oh, I know!

Like the thing she said
about me and Kevin, right?

Technically, we are not
actually having an affair.

Yeah, but you are.
Technically it is an affair...

No, technically he is
having an affair. Not me.

I don't think that's
exactly true, Paddy.

No, that's completely true.
And also, by the way,

- this has nothing to do with my mom.
- What?

What you said before
about Kevin and my mom.

Oh, that. I mean,
maybe just a little bit.

No, no, no, no, no,
it's not like that anymore.

I genuinely, really,
actually like him.

Which, honestly, it seems like
it's making everything even worse.

And, truly, I also think that
that is why the word affair

is starting to feel
kind of shitty to me.

Fuck, maybe Doris is right.

I don't know what
I'm doing right now.

Can you please
tell me what to do?

I'm sorry, Paddy.
I love you, I adore you,

but I can't go on one of
your spirals right now.

Oh, no, come on.
I just need to talk it out.

No, not tonight.

No, I wanna find Eddie
and dance with some bears.

- Find who?
- From the Russian River.

Love you long time.

Are you sure you should
be going out tonight?

Yes.

Hello. Would you
like to get tested?

- Hmm?
- Would you like to get tested?

- Me?
- Yeah.

I'm good.
Yeah. Thank you.

Sure.

- I love your shirt.
- Thank you.

Hey! Remember me?
Have you seen Eddie?

Oh!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Nobody important?

No, Patrick's having
a meltdown tonight.

You just gotta
let him cycle out.

The more he...
You tell him he's okay,

the more he finds reasons
that you're wrong.

That thing with his boss?

Yeah. No, I'm good.

Yeah, he has a little rash.

And he's convinced
that he has AIDS.

I have a good dermatologist.

That doesn't offend you,
irrational AIDS panic?

No, sir.

Jesus, Jack can talk.
I'm exhausted.

Oh, and he wants to know
everything about where you're at.

Your window. I said, "Jack, why
don't you just ask him yourself?"

- Do you miss him?
- Who?

Brian. I saw your photo
album at the house.

He was very handsome.

Of course I miss him.

You guys, um,

you guys remember to turn
off the hot water heater?

Uh, yeah.

Set the alarm?

Yes. We went through
the entire checklist, twice.

Fuck anyone?

Are we really
talking about this?

Well, yeah, why not?

I mean, if we're
going to be open,

there's no space for jealousy.
We... we talked about this.

I just, I didn't know
we were going into specifics.

Oh, okay.

Did you fuck anyone
on the bedspread?

The one from Santa Fe,
'cause it's so hard to clean.

No, we didn't
fuck on the bedspread.

- Oh.
- Or on the rug from Turkey.

Or on the beautiful credenza
from design within reach.

Relax.

Relax. I just wanna know
if you had a good time.

- Oh.
- And exactly

what kind of
a good time you had.

- Exactly.
- Really?

And where.

Um, uh... s...

- Scotty.
- Yeah.

- Yeah. How you been, Agustín?
- What's up, man?

Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm all right,
I'm all right. How are you?

Uh... you look good, you look
really... you look really good.

I heard you and Frank
had a horrible breakup.

Yeah, yeah, it just turns out we
wanted different things, so...

You, uh...
Who told you about it?

- Frank.
- Oh.

- You see him much?
- All the time.

Oh. That's cool.

So what's up with you?

Uh, me and some buddies,

we're working on this thing,
uh, out in LA, actually.

- I might head there soon.
- Oh, nice, man.

Yeah.

Hi, can I have a water, please?

- Here you go.
- Not drinking tonight?

No, GHB doesn't really play well
with others, so...

You mind sharing?

Have you been drinking tonight?

Stone cold.

Maybe a drop.

To Dolly.
Cheers.

Whoo!

I know this guy.

Yo, Agustín!

Yo, man,
wake the fuck up, dude.

Richie! What's up, man?

What's up, man?

You're a fucking mess,
dude, here.

Clean yourself up, dude.

You know it.

- I think he's fine.
- Ugh.

All right.

- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

Yo, I know that guy.

- No, you don't, Kyah.
- No, I fuckin' know that guy.

He works at the Chipotle
by the mall.

You think everyone
works at that Chipotle.

No I think that guy
works at the chipotle, Brady.

He screws up my burrito bowls.

There are some skin
conditions associated with HIV.

But again, I must emphasize,

I can't make any diagnosis of
your condition over the phone.

No, I know you can't diagnose
anything over the phone,

but I was wondering
if you had any

scientific data of
my, you know, chances?

Have you had
unprotected anal sex?

No, no, that would
be crazy to do that.

We strongly advise that anyone with
concerns about exposure get tested.

Would you like me to look up
testing sites in your area?

Oh, no, that's okay.
I live in San Francisco,

they give them out
like coffee stirrers.

Great. Is there anything
else I can help you with?

You have a very comforting
voice, do people tell you that?

It's kind of like
a young Angela Lansbury,

which I don't know
if that makes any sense,

but we were a big
"Murder, She Wrote" family.

Oh, honey, who wasn't.

Uh, Noelle, I'm sorry,
I'm gonna have to call you back.

- Hi.
- Hey, Patrick.

What are you doing here?

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

- Paddy.
- Are you okay?

I'm good, brother, I'm good.

Where did you find him?

He was in soma passed out
by a pupusa cart.

All right, onto the bed.

Richie...

What was that?

Nothing, just drunk talk.

So, how's the shop?

Good, busy.

How's work for you?

Complicated.

I'm sorry to hear.

But I really like
the new desks they got us.

I can raise and lower
them now, so I can work

standing up if I want
to, which is cool.

Now we both work standing up.

That's right, we do!

You know, they say you're more
productive when you're standing up.

- No shit.
- That's what they say.

Are you seeing anyone?
No.

Mm. Delete, delete, delete.

Are you?

No. I'm...

Uh... I'm not really
seeing anyone.

So, you're just
barely seeing someone?

No.
I mean I'm not seeing

anyone at all, full stop.

Can we get lunch sometime?

Uh, no,
but thanks for the offer.

I should go, my friends
are waiting for me.

No, just lunch, just lunch.

No agenda,
no expectation of anything,

and it can be
whenever you want.

It can be next week
or next year,

but hopefully before next year.

I'll think about it.

Okay.
I'll walk you out.

No need.

Thanks for the tea.

Thanks again.

Good night!

- All right, a little prick.
- Okay.

Actually I have to...
I have to confess something.

I lied on the form outside.

I have had unprotected sex.

- How long ago?
- Uh, six weeks ago.

- Just once?
- Just one time.

And I'm pretty sure
that he's negative.

And when he came...
When he came,

he came, like, on my...
He came on my body.

He didn't cum in my...
In myself.

So I think it should be fine,

and I just, I'm really...

I'm sorry,
I don't know why I did it.

People make mistakes.

So these tests,

they find the virus
pretty quickly now, right?

Oh, we don't actually
test for the virus itself.

We test for your body's
response to the virus.

The way that a pregnancy test measures
your body's response to a baby.

"Hey, everyone
I'm pregnant... with HIV!"

Tell me what you see.

Hey.

Uh, you can't come in and
tease me like this, Patrick.

- Lunch is still hours away.
- I'm not hungry.

Fantastic. Neither am I.

I lost my appetite when I
was getting my HIV test.

Why were you getting
an HIV test?

Because I freaked out.

Because this is clearly
freaking me out.

- What is?
- This, us,

sitting in this glass box
pretending we're not fucking.

Okay, hold on.

- What is your status?
- I'm negative.

What about you? I don't even know
if you're positive or negative.

Jesus Christ.
Um, I'm negative, Patrick,

does that make you
feel any better?

No, actually, it doesn't.

Kevin, what are we doing?

- I don't know.
- Well, I don't know either,

but why do I feel
so alone in this?

Well, you're not alone in this,
Patrick, because I'm a fucking mess.

Okay? I'm getting
these migraines,

which I've not had
since I was a kid,

which come to think
about it was the last

time I had to hide
how I was feeling.

Well, I'm sorry that
you're having migraines,

but that does make me
feel a little bit better.

Jesus.

You're not alone in this.

Next time you freak out, don't
fucking panic and have an AIDS test.

Just call me. Okay?

Okay.

I remembered the, um...

The dance moves to my routine.

Your routine?

Do you want to see it?

- Now?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Really?

Fuck it.

All right, this is for you.

- Okay, shh, I need to concentrate.
- Okay.

♪ So you can do what you like ♪

♪ do what you like ♪

♪ don't have to tell me ♪

♪ do what you want ♪

♪ do what you like ♪

♪ Do what you like ♪

♪ no need to ask me ♪

♪ do do do do do do ♪

- Wow.
- Thank you. Thank you.

See?

That was worth the wait.

Yes, it was.

God, I feel like a total dick.

I'm sweating.