Loki (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Lamentis - full transcript
Loki and the Varaint--Sylvie-- are trapped on the doomed moon of Lamentis after Sylvie's tempad is damaged after she uses it to escape the TVA. The two beings must work together to repower the tempad and find a way to escape Lamentis before it's too late.
Is this the greatest power
in the universe?
A fugitive Variant's been killing
our Minutemen.
Whoever this Variant is,
we haven't been able to find him.
The Time Variance Authority
and the gods of Asgard, one and the same.
Drunk with power, blinded to the truth.
The Time-Keepers are monitoring
every aspect of this case.
He's hiding in apocalypses.
You're the fool
the TVA brought in to hunt me down.
Me, I presume.
I'm going to overthrow the Time-Keepers.
I'm not interested in ruling
the Time Variance Authority.
I gave it away.
The Time-Keepers, where they are.
What do you want?
No! No! Loki, wait!
Wait! Loki, wait!
No! Wait, Loki!
We could do potato skins
or buffalo fingers...
Or we could eat somewhere else.
Why do you hate this place?
I don't hate it, I fear it.
Do you know how many times
the health department has
closed this place down?
Well, the drinks seem fine.
Mmm...
Oh, God!
Ah, brain freeze!
You know what brain freeze is, don't you?
Here we go.
It's when you sip something so cold...
Brain freeze associated with coldness...
Got it.
Wait, I'm being serious.
So, it permeates the roof of your mouth
and it freezes the synapses in your brain.
So, your memories
are literally frozen in place.
- That is absolutely not true.
- It is!
Okay. Try it. Whatever you're thinking
about will get frozen in place.
I'm gonna ask you a question,
and you won't be able to answer
until the synapses have melted.
Challenge accepted.
Okay, ask.
How many people are guarding
the Time-Keepers?
I'm sorry, what?
Hey, how long have we been best friends?
Too long.
Seriously, you know you
can tell me anything, right?
Of course.
Why won't you tell me how many people
are guarding the Time-Keepers?
Oh, well, there's...
This place, I...
I remember, I know this place.
But I don't know you.
It's okay. You're just tired.
Yeah. I'm probably just tired.
How do I find the elevators?
They're gold.
All Minutemen to armory.
Protect the timeline.
All Minutemen to armory.
Protect the timeline.
I don't know, sir.
All Minutemen to armory.
Protect the timeline.
Hey! Stop!
A few questions.
Have you got nothing else to do?
Rude.
Are you sure you're a Loki?
- You're in my way.
- You are my way.
I thought perhaps we could work together.
But now I see you lack vision.
So, either you'll come willingly...
Or you won't. Either way,
that's how I get to the Time-Keepers.
Oh, God. Shut up!
Hey!
Come any closer and I'll kill him.
Go for it.
Get off my leg!
Goodbye, Variant.
You're outta juice.
It's not working.
Right...
Give It To me.
You don't know how to Recharge it.
Of course I do.
You're not the only tech savvy Loki.
Don't ever call me that.
- Tech savvy?
- No, a Loki.
You're just fully a magician then?
Fine. For my next trick,
I'll make you disappear.
- Is that one of your powers?
- Where did you send us?
You idiot! This is Lamentis 1.
I don't know what that means!
The moon that planet is about to
crash into and destroy.
Of all of the apocalypses
saved on that TemPad, this is the worst!
No one makes it off here!
Watch out!
I'm sorry, madam.
Didn't have time to scan the brochure.
By the way, I thought you wanted me dead.
I don't know where you hid that TemPad,
but if you blow up, it blows up,
and then I end up blown up.
There!
- So we're a team now?
- Oh, God, no!
Get down!
Didn't need your help!
You're so weird!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
You trying to enchant me?
It won't work.
Why? Because you're a magician?
- No, because my mind is too strong.
- Fine!
Look. Are we really
about to do this here? Again?
What do you propose instead?
I don't know. A truce?
Listen, neither of us
is getting off this rock
if we can't turn that TemPad on.
Where do you have it hidden?
- In my heart.
- Well, then, I'll cut it out.
Nice. Very droll. Lovely.
Okay, yes, I do have the TemPad,
but I'm not gonna get very far
if you keep trying to kill me.
You're full of it because
you need me to get that recharged.
That's the only reason
you saved me out there.
Maybe.
Yeah. I mean, sure. That too.
Or we could slaughter each other here
in this abandoned mining shack.
- What do you say?
- Good for me.
The plan you interrupted
was years in the making.
- Years!
- Okay, got it.
And as soon as I turn that TemPad back on,
I'm going straight back to the TVA
to finish what I started.
Good.
- I'll kill you then.
- Or I'll kill you.
Where're you going?
There's power somewhere on this moon.
We just need enough to travel
through inter-dimensional time and space.
Jeez!
Yep.
So, what's the plan?
There's a town near here.
And can you shut up?
Just because I have to work with you
doesn't mean I wanna hear your voice.
All right, well... Slow down, Variant.
What part of imminent death confuses you?
And don't call me "Variant."
I'm sorry, but I'm not calling
some faded photocopy of me "Loki."
Good. 'Cause that's not who I am anymore.
I'm Sylvie now.
You changed your name. Brilliant.
It's called an alias.
It's not very Loki-like.
Yeah? What exactly makes a Loki a Loki?
Independence, authority, style.
So, naturally you went to work
for the boring, oppressive time police.
I don't work for them.
I'm a consultant.
You don't know what you want.
Oh, yeah? What about you?
Your years-in-the-making plan
was to tear the place down,
create the ultimate power vacuum,
and then just walk away.
I'd never have done that.
Yeah? Well, I'm not you.
Can we get on with this now?
It looks like everyone already fled.
If they did, it was in vain.
How long do we have?
Twelve hours or so.
Things down here are only gonna get worse.
More meteors, gravity quakes,
and of course, the collapse of society
in the face of annihilation.
Could that charge the TemPad?
Maybe.
I'm just checking the coupling.
Making sure it can connect.
Right.
Okay. Hand it over.
Pitiful. I'm not giving it to you.
You're gonna have to try harder.
Then don't give me
your "tech savvy" ideas either.
The TemPad requires
a massive power source, not a night light.
Brute force is no substitute
for diplomacy and guile.
Noted.
It's remarkable
that you ever made it as far as you did.
Sorry about that.
Don't be. I enjoyed it.
Oh... I did too.
But I can assure you,
despite my acquaintance
behaving like an animal...
...uh, we mean you no harm.
We're simply weary travelers.
Sure you are.
Hello, dear.
Patrice?
It... It's been a long time.
You're as beautiful as...
Patrice never said
a thing that nice in 30 years.
You're no travelers, you're devils.
Which one was that? Diplomacy?
- Or...
- Don't. Just don't.
What do you devils want with me?
We just wanna ask you a question.
Where is everyone?
The ark.
The evacuation vessel.
Something like that would have
enough juice to repower the TemPad.
How do we get there?
Train station's the edge of town.
But you'll never get a ticket.
Come on, let's go.
Quiet down!
Get back!
What's going on?
The ark leaves tonight
and we've been waiting in line for hours.
For hours.
Well, this looks fun.
Come on.
We can't fight our way onto that train.
Who said anything about fighting?
- All your plans involve fighting.
- Not this one.
I'm going to enchant a guard,
have him lead us through the crowd,
and if anyone gives us any trouble...
Make him start shooting?
And then what, kill every guard
and hijack the train?
Whether or not there's a fight
is entirely up to them.
We're doing this one my way.
- How do I look?
- Like someone with a shit plan.
- It's a great plan.
- Hmm.
Just follow my lead.
- Why can't we get on?
- Let us in! Come on!
To Shuroo? This way, sir.
Let us in! Women and children...
They're only giving tickets out
to the wealthy!
What about us?
Tickets?
Whoa! Hey!
Taking this one to Shuroo.
Okay. And the tickets?
Orders come from the top
to get her on this train.
Sir, this...
Everything okay?
Yeah, everything's fine.
Yeah, I just remembered
that headquarters radioed in
their request for them this morning.
Okay.
Okay.
Tickets?
Good evening, passengers. Hi.
Um, uh, look,
I can't go backwards on a train.
Well, I never sit with my back to a door.
What? There are doors on both sides.
Oh, just sit down.
FYI, that wasn't even a plan.
Oh, really?
Plans have multiple steps.
Dressing as a guard and getting on a train
is just doing a thing.
Oh, you a bit tired?
Feel free to, you know, get some rest.
I can't sleep in a place like this.
You can't sleep on a train?
No. I can't sleep around
untrustworthy people.
Oh, right. That me?
But you feel free to take a nap.
Nice try.
I'm not gonna waste my time
rooting around for the TemPad
when someone taught you
fairly decent magic.
My mother.
What was she like?
She was, um...
A Queen of Asgard.
She was good. Purely decent.
Are you sure she was your mother?
Oh, no, she's not actually. I was adopted.
Is that a bit of a spoiler for you?
Sorry about that.
No, I knew I was adopted.
What? They told you?
- Yeah. Did they not tell you?
- No.
I mean, they did, eventually.
Hang on a second.
So, tell... Tell me about your mother.
I barely remember her.
Just blips of a dream at this point.
You know, when I was young, she'd do
these little bits of magic for me.
Like turn a flower into a frog
or cast fireworks over the water.
It all seemed impossible.
She told me that
I'd be able to do it too because...
Because I could do anything.
You wanna see?
Not bad.
She was the kinda person
you'd want to believe in you.
Sounds like she does.
Well, she did.
So, where'd you learn to do the...
- You know, the... Whatever it is?
- I taught myself.
- You taught yourself that magic?
- Yeah, I did.
What, do you just...
You just go into their minds
and project some sort of illusion?
It'd be easier if I just...
Enchanted me and take the TemPad
and leap out the train?
- No, thank you.
- Well then, don't ask.
- Okay.
- Champagne?
Ah, yes. Thank you very much.
No, I'm good, thanks.
Oh, I'll take hers. Thank you.
Cheers.
To the end of the world.
A pity the old woman chose to die,
don't you think?
- She was in love.
- She hated him.
Maybe love is hate.
Should probably remember that.
What was that? "Love is..."
- "Love is hate."
- Oh, piss off!
So, on the subject of love,
is there a lucky beau waiting for you
at the end of this crusade?
- Yeah, there is, actually.
- Oh.
Managed to maintain quite a serious
long-distance relationship with a postman
whilst running across time...
...from one apocalypse to another.
With charm like that,
who could resist you?
Well, people are quite willing
in the face of certain doom.
I'm sure they are.
It was only ever just to keep me going.
How about you? You're a prince.
Must've been would-be-princesses
or perhaps, another prince.
A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.
But, nothing ever...
Real.
Mmm...
Love is mischief, then.
No.
Love is...
uh, something I might have
to have another drink to think about.
You do realize
we're about to try and hijack
the power source
to a civilization's only hope?
- I do.
- It's not gonna be easy.
We should rest.
All right. You relax your way
and I'll relax mine.
She sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
Where's your uniform?
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
- To Sylvie, everybody!
- Yeah!
Another!
You're drunk.
No, I'm just full.
But bear in mind, I'm very full.
Now, I need you to try this.
It pairs very nicely with the Figgy Port.
Who's got the Figgy Port?
You have to take my word
on the Figgy Port.
Where's your uniform?
We're meant to be laying low.
Nobody cares. It's the end of the world.
- I think something's happening.
- Yes.
Uh, that planet is about to crash into us.
Don't be an ass.
I saw some people looking at you weirdly.
What?
When did you get so paranoid?
It must have started
when I spent my entire life
running from the omniscient fascists
you work for.
It's a shame to let that go to waste.
Hey! Change of subject.
I thought of an answer.
To what?
Your question.
Love is a dagger.
It's a weapon
to be wielded far away or up close.
You can see yourself in it.
It's beautiful.
Until it makes you bleed.
But ultimately, when you reach for it...
- It isn't real.
- Yeah.
Love is an imaginary dagger.
Doesn't make sense, does it?
No. Terrible metaphor.
Damn. I thought I had something there.
That's him.
- Stay cool.
- It's gonna be fine.
Sir, can I see your tickets?
You again. Hello.
Um, tickets.
Yes, of course. Here they are.
Oops.
Still, it looks lovely, doesn't it?
Look, is this really necessary?
There is a simple explanation...
- Hey.
- Huh?
What? Hey!
Get out of the way.
Awful throw.
Oh, will you stop it?
Bye.
TemPad.
Well, that's not ideal.
- Give me the TemPad.
- All right. All right. Okay.
Well, I did take quite the tumble.
You asshole. You killed us.
Maybe we can fix it. Okay? Um...
You're not a serious man.
You're right. I'm a god.
You're a clown.
You got drunk on the train.
- I'm hedonistic. That's what I do.
- I'm hedonistic.
A lot more than you, I assure you.
But never at the expense of the mission.
Oh, the mission? The mission?
What, your glorious purpose?
Give me a break. You can't beat them.
Okay.
Did the, uh, scream make you feel better?
Yes, it did.
You should try it sometime.
What now?
- I don't know. You broke the TemPad.
- Well...
And that planet is about to crash into us.
- Well, yes, but...
- Yes, but what?
Well, the entire moon is destroyed, right?
Yeah. And everyone on it is killed.
- Including us.
- Yes, including us.
What about the ark?
The ark never leaves
because it's destroyed.
Never had us on it.
So what? We hijack the ark
and make sure it gets off this moon?
I mean, sounds like a good idea to me.
Okay.
Really?
You know, I don't think
I've ever walked this much in my life.
That's a pretty good life.
Well, you're lucky you missed it.
Here's an idea. What if you enchanted me
and you could walk for both of us?
Or I take a nap in my subconscious,
and then you could just wake me
when we arrive. Yeah?
Yeah, that's not how enchantment works.
All right, how does it work?
Doesn't matter.
You know, I feel like
I've told you so much about me.
I really don't know
the first thing about you.
Thanks for the tactical advantage.
Ah, so, you want to use
that tactical advantage to kill me
when the TVA shows up.
Worried, are you?
I just need to know if I can trust you.
Okay, fine.
You want to know how enchantment works.
I have to make physical contact
and then grab hold of their mind.
How?
It depends on the mind.
Most are easy
and I can overtake them instantly.
Others, the stronger ones, it gets tricky.
I'm in control, but they're there, too.
In order to preserve the connection,
I have to create a fantasy
from their memories.
And you call me a magician.
That young soldier from the TVA,
her mind was messed up.
Everything clouded.
I had to pull a memory
from hundreds of years prior,
before she even fought for them.
What? What'd you just say?
Before she joined the TVA?
Yeah. She was just
a regular person on Earth.
A regular person?
Loved margaritas.
I was told that
everyone who works for the TVA
was created by the Time-Keepers.
That's ridiculous.
They're all Variants, just like us.
They don't know that.
All ticketed passengers...
That's our ride.
Ten minutes until launch.
Final boarding call.
Do we trust each other?
We do and you can.
Good. Because this is gonna suck.
Remain calm. We're now at capacity.
Please return to your homes.
Stand back!
Let us on!
Let us on!
Five minutes until launch.
They're gonna let these people die.
Five minutes until launch.
We have to get on
and make sure it takes off.
How?
- We go around.
- Okay.
Return to your homes.
Get back!
Stand back!
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Hold it! Stop right there.
Just go.
Over here!
You're gonna be okay.
No! No, wait!
Run!
Watch out!
I've got it!
Come on. Let's go!
We can still make it!
Sylvie, come on!
in the universe?
A fugitive Variant's been killing
our Minutemen.
Whoever this Variant is,
we haven't been able to find him.
The Time Variance Authority
and the gods of Asgard, one and the same.
Drunk with power, blinded to the truth.
The Time-Keepers are monitoring
every aspect of this case.
He's hiding in apocalypses.
You're the fool
the TVA brought in to hunt me down.
Me, I presume.
I'm going to overthrow the Time-Keepers.
I'm not interested in ruling
the Time Variance Authority.
I gave it away.
The Time-Keepers, where they are.
What do you want?
No! No! Loki, wait!
Wait! Loki, wait!
No! Wait, Loki!
We could do potato skins
or buffalo fingers...
Or we could eat somewhere else.
Why do you hate this place?
I don't hate it, I fear it.
Do you know how many times
the health department has
closed this place down?
Well, the drinks seem fine.
Mmm...
Oh, God!
Ah, brain freeze!
You know what brain freeze is, don't you?
Here we go.
It's when you sip something so cold...
Brain freeze associated with coldness...
Got it.
Wait, I'm being serious.
So, it permeates the roof of your mouth
and it freezes the synapses in your brain.
So, your memories
are literally frozen in place.
- That is absolutely not true.
- It is!
Okay. Try it. Whatever you're thinking
about will get frozen in place.
I'm gonna ask you a question,
and you won't be able to answer
until the synapses have melted.
Challenge accepted.
Okay, ask.
How many people are guarding
the Time-Keepers?
I'm sorry, what?
Hey, how long have we been best friends?
Too long.
Seriously, you know you
can tell me anything, right?
Of course.
Why won't you tell me how many people
are guarding the Time-Keepers?
Oh, well, there's...
This place, I...
I remember, I know this place.
But I don't know you.
It's okay. You're just tired.
Yeah. I'm probably just tired.
How do I find the elevators?
They're gold.
All Minutemen to armory.
Protect the timeline.
All Minutemen to armory.
Protect the timeline.
I don't know, sir.
All Minutemen to armory.
Protect the timeline.
Hey! Stop!
A few questions.
Have you got nothing else to do?
Rude.
Are you sure you're a Loki?
- You're in my way.
- You are my way.
I thought perhaps we could work together.
But now I see you lack vision.
So, either you'll come willingly...
Or you won't. Either way,
that's how I get to the Time-Keepers.
Oh, God. Shut up!
Hey!
Come any closer and I'll kill him.
Go for it.
Get off my leg!
Goodbye, Variant.
You're outta juice.
It's not working.
Right...
Give It To me.
You don't know how to Recharge it.
Of course I do.
You're not the only tech savvy Loki.
Don't ever call me that.
- Tech savvy?
- No, a Loki.
You're just fully a magician then?
Fine. For my next trick,
I'll make you disappear.
- Is that one of your powers?
- Where did you send us?
You idiot! This is Lamentis 1.
I don't know what that means!
The moon that planet is about to
crash into and destroy.
Of all of the apocalypses
saved on that TemPad, this is the worst!
No one makes it off here!
Watch out!
I'm sorry, madam.
Didn't have time to scan the brochure.
By the way, I thought you wanted me dead.
I don't know where you hid that TemPad,
but if you blow up, it blows up,
and then I end up blown up.
There!
- So we're a team now?
- Oh, God, no!
Get down!
Didn't need your help!
You're so weird!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
You trying to enchant me?
It won't work.
Why? Because you're a magician?
- No, because my mind is too strong.
- Fine!
Look. Are we really
about to do this here? Again?
What do you propose instead?
I don't know. A truce?
Listen, neither of us
is getting off this rock
if we can't turn that TemPad on.
Where do you have it hidden?
- In my heart.
- Well, then, I'll cut it out.
Nice. Very droll. Lovely.
Okay, yes, I do have the TemPad,
but I'm not gonna get very far
if you keep trying to kill me.
You're full of it because
you need me to get that recharged.
That's the only reason
you saved me out there.
Maybe.
Yeah. I mean, sure. That too.
Or we could slaughter each other here
in this abandoned mining shack.
- What do you say?
- Good for me.
The plan you interrupted
was years in the making.
- Years!
- Okay, got it.
And as soon as I turn that TemPad back on,
I'm going straight back to the TVA
to finish what I started.
Good.
- I'll kill you then.
- Or I'll kill you.
Where're you going?
There's power somewhere on this moon.
We just need enough to travel
through inter-dimensional time and space.
Jeez!
Yep.
So, what's the plan?
There's a town near here.
And can you shut up?
Just because I have to work with you
doesn't mean I wanna hear your voice.
All right, well... Slow down, Variant.
What part of imminent death confuses you?
And don't call me "Variant."
I'm sorry, but I'm not calling
some faded photocopy of me "Loki."
Good. 'Cause that's not who I am anymore.
I'm Sylvie now.
You changed your name. Brilliant.
It's called an alias.
It's not very Loki-like.
Yeah? What exactly makes a Loki a Loki?
Independence, authority, style.
So, naturally you went to work
for the boring, oppressive time police.
I don't work for them.
I'm a consultant.
You don't know what you want.
Oh, yeah? What about you?
Your years-in-the-making plan
was to tear the place down,
create the ultimate power vacuum,
and then just walk away.
I'd never have done that.
Yeah? Well, I'm not you.
Can we get on with this now?
It looks like everyone already fled.
If they did, it was in vain.
How long do we have?
Twelve hours or so.
Things down here are only gonna get worse.
More meteors, gravity quakes,
and of course, the collapse of society
in the face of annihilation.
Could that charge the TemPad?
Maybe.
I'm just checking the coupling.
Making sure it can connect.
Right.
Okay. Hand it over.
Pitiful. I'm not giving it to you.
You're gonna have to try harder.
Then don't give me
your "tech savvy" ideas either.
The TemPad requires
a massive power source, not a night light.
Brute force is no substitute
for diplomacy and guile.
Noted.
It's remarkable
that you ever made it as far as you did.
Sorry about that.
Don't be. I enjoyed it.
Oh... I did too.
But I can assure you,
despite my acquaintance
behaving like an animal...
...uh, we mean you no harm.
We're simply weary travelers.
Sure you are.
Hello, dear.
Patrice?
It... It's been a long time.
You're as beautiful as...
Patrice never said
a thing that nice in 30 years.
You're no travelers, you're devils.
Which one was that? Diplomacy?
- Or...
- Don't. Just don't.
What do you devils want with me?
We just wanna ask you a question.
Where is everyone?
The ark.
The evacuation vessel.
Something like that would have
enough juice to repower the TemPad.
How do we get there?
Train station's the edge of town.
But you'll never get a ticket.
Come on, let's go.
Quiet down!
Get back!
What's going on?
The ark leaves tonight
and we've been waiting in line for hours.
For hours.
Well, this looks fun.
Come on.
We can't fight our way onto that train.
Who said anything about fighting?
- All your plans involve fighting.
- Not this one.
I'm going to enchant a guard,
have him lead us through the crowd,
and if anyone gives us any trouble...
Make him start shooting?
And then what, kill every guard
and hijack the train?
Whether or not there's a fight
is entirely up to them.
We're doing this one my way.
- How do I look?
- Like someone with a shit plan.
- It's a great plan.
- Hmm.
Just follow my lead.
- Why can't we get on?
- Let us in! Come on!
To Shuroo? This way, sir.
Let us in! Women and children...
They're only giving tickets out
to the wealthy!
What about us?
Tickets?
Whoa! Hey!
Taking this one to Shuroo.
Okay. And the tickets?
Orders come from the top
to get her on this train.
Sir, this...
Everything okay?
Yeah, everything's fine.
Yeah, I just remembered
that headquarters radioed in
their request for them this morning.
Okay.
Okay.
Tickets?
Good evening, passengers. Hi.
Um, uh, look,
I can't go backwards on a train.
Well, I never sit with my back to a door.
What? There are doors on both sides.
Oh, just sit down.
FYI, that wasn't even a plan.
Oh, really?
Plans have multiple steps.
Dressing as a guard and getting on a train
is just doing a thing.
Oh, you a bit tired?
Feel free to, you know, get some rest.
I can't sleep in a place like this.
You can't sleep on a train?
No. I can't sleep around
untrustworthy people.
Oh, right. That me?
But you feel free to take a nap.
Nice try.
I'm not gonna waste my time
rooting around for the TemPad
when someone taught you
fairly decent magic.
My mother.
What was she like?
She was, um...
A Queen of Asgard.
She was good. Purely decent.
Are you sure she was your mother?
Oh, no, she's not actually. I was adopted.
Is that a bit of a spoiler for you?
Sorry about that.
No, I knew I was adopted.
What? They told you?
- Yeah. Did they not tell you?
- No.
I mean, they did, eventually.
Hang on a second.
So, tell... Tell me about your mother.
I barely remember her.
Just blips of a dream at this point.
You know, when I was young, she'd do
these little bits of magic for me.
Like turn a flower into a frog
or cast fireworks over the water.
It all seemed impossible.
She told me that
I'd be able to do it too because...
Because I could do anything.
You wanna see?
Not bad.
She was the kinda person
you'd want to believe in you.
Sounds like she does.
Well, she did.
So, where'd you learn to do the...
- You know, the... Whatever it is?
- I taught myself.
- You taught yourself that magic?
- Yeah, I did.
What, do you just...
You just go into their minds
and project some sort of illusion?
It'd be easier if I just...
Enchanted me and take the TemPad
and leap out the train?
- No, thank you.
- Well then, don't ask.
- Okay.
- Champagne?
Ah, yes. Thank you very much.
No, I'm good, thanks.
Oh, I'll take hers. Thank you.
Cheers.
To the end of the world.
A pity the old woman chose to die,
don't you think?
- She was in love.
- She hated him.
Maybe love is hate.
Should probably remember that.
What was that? "Love is..."
- "Love is hate."
- Oh, piss off!
So, on the subject of love,
is there a lucky beau waiting for you
at the end of this crusade?
- Yeah, there is, actually.
- Oh.
Managed to maintain quite a serious
long-distance relationship with a postman
whilst running across time...
...from one apocalypse to another.
With charm like that,
who could resist you?
Well, people are quite willing
in the face of certain doom.
I'm sure they are.
It was only ever just to keep me going.
How about you? You're a prince.
Must've been would-be-princesses
or perhaps, another prince.
A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.
But, nothing ever...
Real.
Mmm...
Love is mischief, then.
No.
Love is...
uh, something I might have
to have another drink to think about.
You do realize
we're about to try and hijack
the power source
to a civilization's only hope?
- I do.
- It's not gonna be easy.
We should rest.
All right. You relax your way
and I'll relax mine.
She sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
Where's your uniform?
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
When she sings, she sings come home
- To Sylvie, everybody!
- Yeah!
Another!
You're drunk.
No, I'm just full.
But bear in mind, I'm very full.
Now, I need you to try this.
It pairs very nicely with the Figgy Port.
Who's got the Figgy Port?
You have to take my word
on the Figgy Port.
Where's your uniform?
We're meant to be laying low.
Nobody cares. It's the end of the world.
- I think something's happening.
- Yes.
Uh, that planet is about to crash into us.
Don't be an ass.
I saw some people looking at you weirdly.
What?
When did you get so paranoid?
It must have started
when I spent my entire life
running from the omniscient fascists
you work for.
It's a shame to let that go to waste.
Hey! Change of subject.
I thought of an answer.
To what?
Your question.
Love is a dagger.
It's a weapon
to be wielded far away or up close.
You can see yourself in it.
It's beautiful.
Until it makes you bleed.
But ultimately, when you reach for it...
- It isn't real.
- Yeah.
Love is an imaginary dagger.
Doesn't make sense, does it?
No. Terrible metaphor.
Damn. I thought I had something there.
That's him.
- Stay cool.
- It's gonna be fine.
Sir, can I see your tickets?
You again. Hello.
Um, tickets.
Yes, of course. Here they are.
Oops.
Still, it looks lovely, doesn't it?
Look, is this really necessary?
There is a simple explanation...
- Hey.
- Huh?
What? Hey!
Get out of the way.
Awful throw.
Oh, will you stop it?
Bye.
TemPad.
Well, that's not ideal.
- Give me the TemPad.
- All right. All right. Okay.
Well, I did take quite the tumble.
You asshole. You killed us.
Maybe we can fix it. Okay? Um...
You're not a serious man.
You're right. I'm a god.
You're a clown.
You got drunk on the train.
- I'm hedonistic. That's what I do.
- I'm hedonistic.
A lot more than you, I assure you.
But never at the expense of the mission.
Oh, the mission? The mission?
What, your glorious purpose?
Give me a break. You can't beat them.
Okay.
Did the, uh, scream make you feel better?
Yes, it did.
You should try it sometime.
What now?
- I don't know. You broke the TemPad.
- Well...
And that planet is about to crash into us.
- Well, yes, but...
- Yes, but what?
Well, the entire moon is destroyed, right?
Yeah. And everyone on it is killed.
- Including us.
- Yes, including us.
What about the ark?
The ark never leaves
because it's destroyed.
Never had us on it.
So what? We hijack the ark
and make sure it gets off this moon?
I mean, sounds like a good idea to me.
Okay.
Really?
You know, I don't think
I've ever walked this much in my life.
That's a pretty good life.
Well, you're lucky you missed it.
Here's an idea. What if you enchanted me
and you could walk for both of us?
Or I take a nap in my subconscious,
and then you could just wake me
when we arrive. Yeah?
Yeah, that's not how enchantment works.
All right, how does it work?
Doesn't matter.
You know, I feel like
I've told you so much about me.
I really don't know
the first thing about you.
Thanks for the tactical advantage.
Ah, so, you want to use
that tactical advantage to kill me
when the TVA shows up.
Worried, are you?
I just need to know if I can trust you.
Okay, fine.
You want to know how enchantment works.
I have to make physical contact
and then grab hold of their mind.
How?
It depends on the mind.
Most are easy
and I can overtake them instantly.
Others, the stronger ones, it gets tricky.
I'm in control, but they're there, too.
In order to preserve the connection,
I have to create a fantasy
from their memories.
And you call me a magician.
That young soldier from the TVA,
her mind was messed up.
Everything clouded.
I had to pull a memory
from hundreds of years prior,
before she even fought for them.
What? What'd you just say?
Before she joined the TVA?
Yeah. She was just
a regular person on Earth.
A regular person?
Loved margaritas.
I was told that
everyone who works for the TVA
was created by the Time-Keepers.
That's ridiculous.
They're all Variants, just like us.
They don't know that.
All ticketed passengers...
That's our ride.
Ten minutes until launch.
Final boarding call.
Do we trust each other?
We do and you can.
Good. Because this is gonna suck.
Remain calm. We're now at capacity.
Please return to your homes.
Stand back!
Let us on!
Let us on!
Five minutes until launch.
They're gonna let these people die.
Five minutes until launch.
We have to get on
and make sure it takes off.
How?
- We go around.
- Okay.
Return to your homes.
Get back!
Stand back!
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Hold it! Stop right there.
Just go.
Over here!
You're gonna be okay.
No! No, wait!
Run!
Watch out!
I've got it!
Come on. Let's go!
We can still make it!
Sylvie, come on!