Lodge 49 (2018–2019): Season 2, Episode 4 - Conjunctio - full transcript

Magnum opus HQ.

You're exactly where
you're supposed to be.

And I can prove it.

I-I paint my dreams.

El Confidente is
just another con man.

You had me figured out from
the beginning, didn't you?

What we need to know now is
where to go in Mexico.

We will make you
very rich.

To Dudley & Son...
and daughter.

I just want to know
what else my dad said about me.

You must be Dud.
I've been dreaming about you.



Conjunctio.
The alchemical marriage.

That's your destiny,
Dud.

Oh. God. What are you...
What are you talking about?

- I don't get it.
- I'm talking about the Sun and the Moon,

Sulphur and Mercury,
the reconciliation of opposites.

I'm talking about true alchemy
right here,

once I solve
Smith's diary.

Blaise, I told you.
Daphne said that's a dead end.

Daphne's a liar,
just like Avery.

Okay. They lied about
a few things, but...

- Dud, you're my apprentice, right?
- Yeah, of course.

Then focus on that, not some
unholy cash grab down in Mexico.

You cannot treat the scrolls
like an ATM.

Okay, I... I know, but you're
the one who told me



that an alchemist
navigates by two maps,

- one real and one mystical, right?
- Mm-hmm.

So, we solve our real problems
with the money,

and then we solve our mystical
problems with the scrolls.

- It's a win-win.
- To complete the Magnum Opus,

you have to have
pure intentions.

Once you start thinking
about gold,

the universe
has a way of punishing you.

I know, Blaise. I know.
But you don't get it.

Mexico is my destiny.

And it's yours, too.

I can prove it to you.

- This is happening right now.
- Oh, my God.

- Where's Ernie?
- He's, uh...

There!

Yeah.

Yeah.
And... And...

And here is you in Mexico
with the scrolls.

- I feel dizzy.
- You know?

Ernie.
We're all going to Mexico!

It's been foretold!

Hey, man, this is all
a party trick.

- Look. Notice something?
- What?

I'm not dressed
as a goddamn Mariachi.

Sometimes things
get scrambled, okay?

I-I-I don't have time
for this.

Hey, look,

I brought your tiger van back,
so we're square, okay?

And I'm sorry.

You don't have to
apologize.

You were always
going to steal the van,

just like Judas was always
going to betray Christ.

It's what he had to do.

That's why Judas is
the holiest of all the saints.

Look, Ernie, you keep
the tiger van

because you're going to
drive it into Mexico.

No, I'm not.

I'm sitting on my ass for eight
hours, taking toilet orders.

No glory, but it's
a guaranteed paycheck.

You have responsibilities,
Ernesto.

Larry told me
that he anointed you

Sovereign Protector,
right there in that trailer.

Wait. Wait.

What?! Ernie!

You didn't tell me that!
That's huge! Come on!

Dud, Dud, it was just two
drunk dudes looking at TV.

- Didn't mean a thing.
- Ernie, I don't know.

It sounds like
a holy moment.

I think your claim
to the throne is legit.

You just have to fulfill
your knightly quest.

- Ah...
- But...

- Nah.
- No, but it's...

You're the king, man.

One, two, three.

- Ohh.
- Hmm.

Ohh!

- Oh!
- Come on!

Anyone can have balls
with good cards, alright?

But Balls is about having balls
when you've got bad cards.

She's got
balls for days.

Who'd you say
she flies for?

She doesn't.

Hold up.

You can't bring
a land pig in

without our permission.

This shit's on lockdown.

FAA's got
spies everywhere.

They broke up the Ontario game
last month.

Everyone got grounded.

- That's right.
- She's cool.

Let's play.

One, two, three.

- Come on.
- For God's sake.

Ohh. No celebration.
I love it.

You know, Bill said when
you played soccer as a kid,

you never celebrated
your goals.

He never
understood why.

How do you two
know each other?

I used to bang her dad,
on and off for years.

- Oh.
- Of course she did.

Then she threw hummus
in my brother's face.

You know,
the classic story.

- FAA! Run!
- Whoa!

Come on!

Wait!

Liz!

My online teacher encouraged
me to send my poems

to some magazines,
but no takers yet.

I won't lie.
The rejection hurts.

Bob, I'm not going to pretend I
know what rejection feels like,

but I can talk to Wayne
at The Flow.

Maybe he'll publish you.

That would be great.

Poetry is just like
the plumbing business.

It's all in
who you know.

It's like that new kid
I'm putting on the order desk.

Glen at
CC Mechanical called.

He said, "My nephew
needs a job."

I said,
"Send him on over."

And look.
There he is!

Ugh!

Ow.

This is exciting, a bright new
face at West Coast Super Sales.

It's like Emerson
wrote to Whitman...

"I greet you at the beginning
of a great career."

Oh, I don't know about
a career.

I'm an entrepreneur.

I just can't catch
a break lately.

I'm just doing this
for a little while, you know?

That's what I said...
40 years ago!

And here I am,
still having a blast!

And how long have you
worked here?

A long time.

I spent my first year
on the order desk.

Then I made the jump
to outside sales.

The freeway, all day,
every day, for years.

Coffee, maps, the radio.

I loved it.

Sometimes at dusk

I'd be at the top
of a transitional loop,

and I'd see
the whole city down below...

lights going on,

sun going down...

and the fire
out over the ocean.

It was beautiful.

- Lizard.
- Oh, hey, brother. What's going on?

Getting ready for Mexico.

Right.

- The big trip.
- Mm-hmm.

Ah.
So, wait.

This is
some kind of lodge...

retreat?

Uh, no.

It's actually
the opposite of that.

Does something smell
kind of bad in here?

Oh, yeah.
Uh, it's me.

I was hiding in a dumpster
for a couple of hours.

- What? You were...
- We had no choice.

- Oh, Jesus Christ!
- That Dumpster saved us.

Thanks for letting me
freshen up, Liz.

Maybe we can do it
again some time.

Sure.

I guess Lenore dated
all these guys

she met serving drinks
in first class.

Like, they'd take her out
for a fancy night, show off,

- and that was it.
- Mm.

She liked Dad 'cause
he was so...

down-to-earth.

Liz...

- I don't care.
- Wait.

You don't care that Dad had
a whole other life?

No. No.

And I'm not surprised that
he never told us about her

or brought her around
'cause he knew she was nuts.

You know, she said
Dad wanted to marry her,

but she kept
blowing it up

because she didn't want to give up her jet-set lifestyle.

We were like 10 or 11.

Can you imagine how different
our lives would've been?

No. And I don't have to
because it never happened.

He...
He didn't love her, okay?

It was just
a stupid fling.

He loved Mom.

He dated Lenore
for three years.

She knew him
really well.

Mom and Dad met on a blind date
and got married a month later.

Y-Yeah.
Exactly.

It was fate, okay?

That's what love
is supposed to be.

You just, you know, know,
and then you jump right in.

You know, you have this picture
of Dad in your head,

and it can never be
questioned.

- It's total nostalgia.
- Yeah. So what?

Okay. All it means
is that I care about Dad.

I care about the life
that he created for us

after he lost Mom.

I care about our family,
the three of us.

But something was...

missing.

Not for me.

Okay, yeah, sometimes
I think about Mom.

But the truth is,
is that I never knew her

and neither did you.

It was always just
the three of us.

It was always
Dudley and Son.

Liz...

it's like you're nostalgic
for something

that never even happened.

No, that's not it.

It's just...

Hey, what...
what's going on?

It's like f-first you get
back together with Bobby.

Now you're jumping in
and hanging out

in Dumpsters
with Lenore.

Like, what, are you guys
friends now?

Like, I don't...

What are you getting
out of this?

I don't know.
I don't know.

It was maybe just
a couple weird nights.

She just wants you
to buy more Fydro.

I mean,
you said it yourself.

It's a pyramid scheme.

You should just
stay away from her.

Yeah.

Yeah,
you're probably right.

Alright.

Hey.

You want to come
to Mexico with us?

I mean, it could be
just what you need.

There's probably room
in the van.

And I can kind of fill in you
on the nature of our quest.

Quest. Yeah.

Well, um...

I've got to work.

Also, and don't take this
the wrong way,

but being trapped in Mexico
with you and your lodge weirdos

is pretty much my worst
nightmare, so...

Yeah.

Alright.

Hmm?

Hold my gaze, Jeremy.

Mnh!

Hold it.

This is torture.
What do you want from me?

Out there, we proffer
our deeds to oblivion.

But in here, under the watchful
eye of Omni and Janet,

things matter!

Do you understand?

Higher Steaks.
Yes.

I just want to make drinks.

Overpriced drinks with stupid
names that make people happy.

And then I want to go home
and hug my son forever.

And perhaps you will.

You look great, by the way.

You all look great.

Don't they, Liz?

Yes, we look elegant
and servile.

Mm.

I never noticed your scar
before.

I like it.

Very real, very authentic.

Once you call something
real and authentic,

it no longer is,
but whatever.

I got this in '81
at the Cuckoo's Nest...

Shh!

I want you all to know
Janet is anxious

to hear
how things go tonight.

She wants Higher Steaks

to be a kind of great
leap forward

in terms
of evolving our brand.

Mm.

- We're ready, Liz.
- Yeah.

For your speech?

Okay.

Okay.

Well, guys, this is...

my speech.

Long ago, at Shamroxx,
we served french fries.

But here we serve
Pommes Frites.

They literally come out
of the same bag,

and we charge
twice as much.

It's magic.
So, let that inspire you.

Yeah.

Also, if some
dickhead complains

about the mushroom sauce
or the Burgundy,

just send them my way
and I'll cool them out, okay?

Remember,
when things go wrong,

it's my fault for being
a crappy manager.

And when things go well,

it's because you guys
are awesome.

So, let's go.

One "Ticking Time Bomb."

I hope the lady
likes it.

I've done the best I can,
and that's all anyone can ask.

That's a big table.
Why only one cocktail?

Well, it's a bachelorette party,
but everybody's pregnant.

One "Ticking Time Bomb."

Make sure it doesn't blow up in your face.

Keep them coming.

Hi, ladies. I'm Liz.
I'm the manager here.

I just want to make sure you
guys have everything you need.

Oh, my God.
Liz?

- Liz Dudley?
- Oh, hey.

- Beth!
- Yeah!

Wow.
Long time.

Oh, my gosh!

You guys
see this broad?

She is a legend.

Our senior year,
she got annihilated

at a party in Rossmore
and ended up at the airport

driving around
in a forklift.

- She got arrested.
- Yeah.

It kind of ruined my life
for a while.

So hardcore.

Oh, thank God.
This is amazing, Liz.

Tonight was
sucking big time.

What do you want,
Beth?

Do you want us
to kill our babies

- just so you can have a good time?
- Sorry, Kaitlin.

I'm just... I'm just really
excited to see an old homie.

- We were all in a sorority together.
- Oh.

Sisters, you know I love you
so much. You know that.

It's just that I'm getting
married in a couple of days,

and nothing is going like
I imagined.

Well, how about I comp
some desserts for your...

- sisters.
- Oh, my gosh!

And later, before you go,
come find me.

We'll do a shot.

You're an angel.

Ever had your picture
painted before?

Well, I used to posed nude
for figure classes at City College.

So, yeah.

- 1,000 bucks, it's yours.
- Hey, hey, hey!

Guys, guys, guys!
Guys, guys, come on.

We need money
for Mexico.

You know,
invest with us.

I would, but I just bought
into this franchise thing...

- Fydro.
- Fydro?

Hey, my cousin's
doing that, too.

- It's all around town.
- Are you guys nuts?

That is a pyramid scheme,
alright?

Put your money into
something real... the scrolls.

God.

Guess we have to make
our appeal to the usurper.

- The what?
- No!

The lodge will not be funding
any expeditions to Mexico.

Hey, maybe instead
of doing that,

you guys could volunteer
this weekend.

There's a wedding.

We need to clean the grease
traps in the kitchen.

The holy grail
is out there,

and this guy's talking
about grease traps?

- What's his problem?
- I haven't got a problem.

Jocelyn,
what do you think?

Uh, well,
actually, um,

I-I can't see a problem,
to be honest.

Um, I mean, if there is an
actual lodge artifact out there,

why not have a go?

Yeah.

Might be a cool time.

I could, uh,
speak to my superior,

maybe, uh,
move some money around.

No. No!

Absolutely not,
end of discussion.

Hey, hey! I'm in charge,
alright? You know what?

I want...
I want all you guys out.

You're not even
the rightful king, Scott,

because Larry
anointed Ernie.

- Yeah, well, Larry lost his mind.
- You know what?

There's a word for guys
like you, Scott,

guys who steal thrones,
and that word is...

- What is it again, Blaise?
- Usurper.

The usurper.
You're a usurper, Scott.

You know
what you need to do?

You need to take a moment

and look inside yourself.

And for the first time
in your life,

look underneath the surface
and get in touch

with the dark tunnels
of your unconscious.

Go play with
your magic potions, Blaise.

I got a lodge to run!

That got a bit tense.

You okay?

Actually, Blaise might have
a point about, um,

looking within.

I've certainly done a lot more
of that since I've been here.

Scott, it doesn't seem
like being

Sovereign Protector
is making you...

happy.

You work so hard
for everyone else...

your dad and Connie.

What about you?

What would make you happy?

I want you to go back to London
immediately.

That's an order.

- Scott...
- You have no rank!

And I don't need
your help anymore.

I mean,
I'm a monster, right?

Like, I should not be
having doubts about Tim two days

before our wedding,
but I just...

My greatest fear is that
I'm gonna end up

nailed down
in the wrong place.

You know,
everyone has doubts.

About everything.
Always.

That's right.
Doubt is the only real thing.

- Mm.
- Our senses lie.

I mean, how do you know
you're not just a brain

in a vat of goo,
being manipulated?

Right.

It's just that Tim
drives me insane.

Like, he forgot to put down
a deposit on the venue,

and now we're getting married
in the crappiest place ever.

How can someone be both
uptight and incompetent?

I just...
I just don't know if he's...

How's Dud?

Good, good.
Yeah.

He did get attacked
by a shark.

Oh.
I thought it was a snake.

Yes, no, I mean,
there was a snake,

but then
there was a shark.

Oh, God.
Is he okay?

Yeah.
I think so.

He's on his way to Mexico
on some...

quest.

Your brother... he's just
so carefree and spontaneous.

I always really loved that
about him.

And he's tall.

He's way taller than Tim.

Ugh! I just don't want
to get left behind.

All my friends are married
and pregnant.

And... And I think about
my mom at our age.

You know, she was already
married and had three kids.

What was your mom doing
at 30?

Uh...

my mom was dead.

Oh, God, that's right.

Hey, what did you mean,
that our senses lie?

We live in a Cartesian cage.

- Who are those people?
- Oh, uh, those are my associates.

Yeah. I'm sort of brokering
a deal right now, you know,

cryptocurrency,
antiquities,

all kinds of other...
I got to focus, Alice. Sorry.

- Alright.
- So, um, who do you work for?

I can't tell you that.

Dud says you know how
to get to the antiquarian.

Where is he?

I'm not telling you.

Oh, my God,
this is so intense.

Look, h-how do we know
when we get down to Mexico,

she won't run off
with the scrolls?

Because the scrolls
are worthless junk.

I just need a couple of pictures,
and then they're all yours.

Okay, guys, guys,
let's focus, okay?

I-I wrote up a contract, right,
on a legal pad.

Okay, Daphne, now,
we have info you want...

the location
of the antiquarian, right?

You have something
we want... money.

Okay, so, we drive you down
to Mexico, you know,

and get the scrolls,

and then let you take,
like, a photo

or whatever it is
that you want,

and then you cut us in
for, like, a fair amount.

I can live with that.

- Okay.
- Alright!

I just don't get what this
Bitcoin thing is all about.

- Ohh.
- Well, it's basically a decentralized,

- peer-to-peer banking network of...
- Right. Okay, just let... just let me cut you off there.

Look, um, look, you don't want to
get in the weeds on this, okay?

Trust me.
All you need to know is

that she gets a code
off the scrolls

and then you put into,
like, a computer

and then we get money.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So, Daphne, uh,
we're about to spend

35 hours in a van together,

so tell us
a little bit about yourself.

Oh, um...

okay.

I'm from Fullerton.

I enjoy baking
a little...

- but not really.
- No, no, no.

Tell us something real
or something...

Who are you
as a human being?

I mean, do you have hopes,
dreams, and shit like that?

Well, I... I used to.

I wanted to be
a historian.

I have three master's degrees,
but I can't get a job.

I've been an adjunct professor
for the past 15 years.

A professor.
That's amazing!

Do you know
what "adjunct" means?

- No.
- No. Yeah.

It basically means that
I've been sleeping

on a futon
my entire adult life.

I've eaten so much ramen
that my bones are hollow,

I once had to do my
office hours in a stairwell,

and I am $250,000
in debt.

You should talk
to my sister

'cause she's got
some kind of system...

I mean, I love teaching.

I love my students.

But, you know, the university
just makes it impossible

for me to...

to live.

- Yeah.
- Maybe we should have a legal authority look

at this contract, okay?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Your penmanship is terrible.

I don't need
your judgement now, Burt.

I just need you
to stamp the doc.

Um...

how do you know Avery?

Oh.
We met online.

Esoterica chat rooms.

Hashtag Voynich Manuscripts,
et cetera.

But, uh, I didn't know anything
about the Lynx

until we pooled
our knowledge.

Mm.
Are you a member anywhere?

- Oh, no.
- Oh.

You should join.
It's a lot of fun.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

I need signatures
from all of you.

I don't like people knowing
my real name.

Me neither.

I don't care how you sign.

100 bucks for
my notary services.

I'm broke.

Uh, yeah, the people
that I worked sort

of cheaped out
on my per diem.

Yeah, my cash flow is kind
of limited right now.

Yeah.

Um...

Burt, could you, uh,
roll your...

your fee into the interest
of my shark loan?

If that's what you want.

Great.
Alright.

Okay.

Now we just need to lock down
some financing,

you know,
for the trip.

- Mm.
- Mm.

I think there's something
I can do.

Do you have any more
Hieronymus Kush?

My anxiety
is out of control.

It feels like the walls
are closing in.

Don't worry.
I got some in back.

The healing starts now,
my friend!

Get back here!

So, what is this place?

It's a brain company.

You know, like, uh, research,
counseling, that sort of thing.

Cool.

And they pay you?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

It's like a sperm bank,
but for dreams.

You know,
a few years ago,

some doctors found out
what I was painting.

And so I come up, and they...
they give me a test.

They listen to me talk.

They watch me paint,
and 500 bucks a pop.

Wow. Nice.

God.

And so they really think
that you can see the future?

Well,
some of the doctors do.

But there's this one guy,
Parker...

he's got
a different theory.

His theory is that
I'm not seeing the future.

I'm creating it.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

And... And have you
always been able to do this?

No, uh...

It started about 10 years ago,
when my wife died.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

It happens, you know?

Mm-hmm.

But the first year
after was...

there was really torment,
you know?

And I would have these vivid,
vivid dreams about her,

and it was hell waking
and she wasn't there.

So I started painting as a way
to try to remember them.

And... And then one thing
led to another,

and took me down
a whole different path.

Mm.

You know, if...

if you can
create the future,

could you do me a favor?

Maybe.

Could you...

...paint me somewhere
down the line...

...after my leg's
all healed

and we get the scrolls,
my bills are paid.

And it's like I'm somewhere
at the beach...

with my wife...

or just someone special.

And I don't know.
Maybe we have a kid.

And Liz is there,
Ernie...

...and whoever else
wants to come and hang.

It's just like another day
at the beach,

but it's...

The day of days.

Yeah.

Something like that.

We're ready for you, sir.

I'll see what I can do.

Mm-hmm.

Sometimes when
I would leave on a flight,

your dad would slip
a little note

and a gift
into my carry-on.

"Twix for Tucson"
or something like that.

- Oh, my God.
- Puke, right?

Mm.

But I loved it.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I should go.

It's rude just showing up,
demanding stories.

- I know you're busy.
- Stop it.

You're welcome any time.

I just want today
to go well.

It's a lady's choir from
some church in Fountain Valley.

They were all on a flight
to Phoenix,

and they fell
under my spell.

Of course.
Good luck.

Mm!

I'll see you around,
I guess.

Uh, Lenore, um...

did my dad ever tell you
anything about my mom?

It was a long time ago.
Uh, I don't know.

It was painful for Bill,
all that stuff.

No. I-I get it.

It's just, uh,
we grew up hearing

the same stories about her,
looking at the same pictures.

- I just...
- I think she worked at a cafeteria over at Orbis.

Right. Yeah.
Uh, I knew that...

...Lenore.

Actually, I do
remember something.

I guess your mom loved swimming
at night in the ocean.

It terrified your dad.

Even when she was pregnant with
you two, she'd be out there.

Hey.

Why don't you stay
and meet the choir ladies?

Come here.

Try the Fydration Font.

Go ahead.

Dive in.

Yeah.

Go for it.

Have you ever seen
one of these before?

No.

Oh.
That's the Orbis logo.

The old aerospace giant.

Everyone in Long Beach
has a connection to it.

Long Beach?

Orbis?

There's something strange
in all of it.

I just...
I don't know what.

Anyway, that was found
in Merrill's crypt.

At least, that's what
I was told.

It doesn't matter.

I've got to focus
on my responsibilities.

I'm setting things
in motion.

We will get
those scrolls back,

even with our current
budget woes.

And, Connie, now that
you've been initiated,

there might come a time
when we'll be calling on you.

To do what?

That remains to be seen.

But you're one of us now.

You're on the inside.

Do you actually believe
the scrolls are...

you know, magic?

Because I-I've never
believed in that.

I believe
in Merrill's dream.

I believe that if
there is magic in the scrolls

that they should
be protected...

because if they fall
into the wrong hands,

to use a phrase, it would
imperil all of Christendom.

But mostly...

I believe in being part
of something, a tradition.

It's given me new eyes
and a reason

to get up
in the morning.

I've embraced
my double life.

And it's brought us
together.

And that's
no small thing.

So now...

I just go back
to Long Beach and...

what?

Just hop back
into my dumb life?

Basically, yeah.

Figure out
what you need to.

And of course there's the remedy
that we talked about.

It's going to
freak people out.

How long
will I have to do it?

Not long.

Hopefully,
you'll see something

and you'll know
that it's time.

Scott?

I'm on my way
to the airport.

But I just wanted to say
thank you.

I appreciate, uh...

You have friends here,
Scott...

if you'd just
let them in.

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry.

Farewell, Don Fab.

I was hoping to hear you
and the Longshoremen play again,

but I guess
that's not meant to be.

I've heard legend that
Harwood Fritz Merrill

came to California.

If he did, I don't know
why he ever left.

"Isn't there any heaven where
old beautiful dances,

old beautiful intimacies
prolong themselves?"

Some lines I read once.

Okay.
I guess it's time to go.

Take care, buddy.

El Confidente painted this today
at this brain place or whatever.

So you can't escape, okay?

Pack your bags.
Let's go.

Ernie, man, I feel like you
brought a ghost

back from Mexico.

It's like you're haunted
or something.

I mean, you're a million miles
away, man.

No, I'm right here.

That's where you need
to be, too.

Dud, you've been
through a lot.

You're not
thinking straight.

You need a reset,

time to let your leg heal,

find some work.

Mexico sounds good to you

because you feel like you
got no options here.

Listen. We got a job opening
at West Coast Super Sales.

It could work for you.

You've got a background
in residential hydronics.

It's... Dud...

...if you keep running away
from your real problems,

they'll only get worse.

I'm not running.

I'm fighting.

Hey, Liz?

Liz?

Hmm? Mm!

Hey!
So, Dud convinced you, huh?

You're back on your horse,
ready to ride.

Nope.
I'm not going.

And Dud shouldn't go,
either.

He's not ready
for this kind of thing.

He's confused.

And you need to tell him
that he can't go.

You know, Larry never put up
with that kind of talk.

You know, he was on a mission,
and we've got to honor that.

Otherwise, what's the lodge
all about?

There was a point in my life
when I thought I was going to be

a father, a family man.

It all fell apart.

And I was lost
and miserable.

And that's when I ended up
at the lodge.

And Larry...
he wasn't on any missions.

There were no scrolls.

He was just a guy
who became a friend,

and he helped me
get through.

Look, I don't know

what we're gonna find
out there...

maybe nothing...
but that's not the point.

My wife, Maria...
she had a rough road, you know?

Treatments, back and forth
in the hospital for two years.

It was hell.

We had a life, but...

we were lifeless.

Towards the end, she came up
to me and pulled me by the ear.

I can still feel her hand.

And she said, "When I go,
don't you dare be

sitting on your ass
the rest of your life."

So here I am, off my ass
and crazy as I want to be.

Yeah, but you and me...

we had our time.

We had a chance
to do our thing.

Dud's at the beginning.

He still has a chance
for a life that's normal.

Just think about it,
okay?

Hey, there you are.

So, El Confidente got
some funding for the trip.

Want to go on a...
on a grocery run

before we...
go to take off?

What's...?

I'm not going.

Are... Are you okay?

The universe punished me.

That's what happened.

My motives weren't pure.

That's...

The world...

everything
outside these walls...

is corrupt and rotten

and dangerous.

So I'm staying here.

Blaise, we need you.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You okay?

Blaise, Ernie, my sister.

It's like no one wants anything
to do with me...

...except you.

Means a lot.

Thanks, man.

Sorry, Dud.

I knew I was gonna do that,

but I didn't know why.

Ernie!

I'm in here.

I used the key
under the mat.

Don't worry.
I'll explain.

So, are we
gonna pick up Dud?

Uh, no. He bailed.
It's just me and you.

- Ah.
- No worries.

It's turning out exactly
the way it's supposed to.

Yeah, but he was so excited
to go to Mexico.

I really thought
he would...

Dud?

- Beth?
- What are you doing here?

Um...

I'm a member.

Yeah.

Is... Is...
Is that your wedding?

Uh... yeah.

It is.

Hmm.

Um...

well, congrats.

And I'm really happy
for you guys.

Hey, Dud.

Do you believe in fate?

Absolutely.

Because we have a really
beautiful history together.

Yeah.

You mean, like, um,

when we had oral sex
at homecoming?

And now we keep running
into each other.

I saw your sister
at Higher Steaks,

and since then I have been
thinking about you so much.

- And now you're, like, here?
- Yeah.

We've always had a thing,
haven't we?

Yeah.
I think so.

Oh, my God.
You know what?

I'm not afraid to say it.

I want you.

And I think
I've always wanted you.

And I know that this is moving
really, really fast,

but, I mean, that's... that's
what's happening, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

'Cause th-that's what...
that's what happens sometimes.

You know, my parents...
they met on a blind date.

- And when it's love, you just jump right in.
- Yes!

And I don't care if we're
brains floating in a vat of goo.

- Me neither.
- Oh, my God.

Do you want do
something crazy?

Like...

Like right now?

Can we start?

This is the last ceremony
of the day.

Yes!