Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 2, Episode 15 - A Head of the Team - full transcript
Phillip causes controversy when he decides to join the local netball team.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)
♫ Worlds away from anyone
- Phillip had
never played a sport.
He'd always been more inclined
to use his head than his body,
and believe me,
his was a head filled
with some weird stuff.
- Ha ha ha, ha ha!
- Mum was fairly
keen to stop him using it.
Just for a little while, at least.
- Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!
- Sarge and Mum agreed.
A team sport was the answer.
- It'd be a wonderful opportunity.
The teamwork, the exercise.
The total absence of
any kind of explosions.
- Mum outlined
all the logical benefits,
while Sarge, he adopted
more of an emotive approach.
- Sport, for many it is a naked desire.
Unstoppable, surging through
the veins like a freight train.
For others, it's more of a dormant spirit,
waiting to be given life.
Deep in your blood, my boy,
sleeps the spirit of champions.
- Really?
- You just have to choose a sport
that plays to your strengths.
That's what your ancestors did.
The Leonard family sporting archives.
The late, great Enid Hammertime Leonard.
Six-time gold-winning hammer-thrower,
World Highland Games.
Ichabod Leonard, captain of the
Australian Hackey Sak team, '69-'74.
The late, great Baxter Bradford Leonard.
Champion Rock, Paper,
Scissors, seven years running.
And probably our greatest export ever,
the Geigermeister himself,
Dougal Twinkletoe Leonard, Captain,
Addis-Ababa Male Synchronised
Swimming Team, circa 1942.
- Wow, I'll do some research Sarge,
find out what my strengths are.
- You do that research son.
- Just have fun.
Don't take it too seriously.
You don't have to rush into anything.
I've done the research.
And to be perfectly honest,
I'm excited by the results.
I know what my ideal sport is.
According to these calculations,
the perfect role for me
in a sporting sense is,
netball.
Wing attack.
- There was only one kind of
netball team in Angelus, the girl kind.
- Apparently I've got an above-average
swivel motion speed for my age.
- Unfortunately for me,
Phillip wasn't the only one in town
going against the grain.
Mel was the new kid at school,
and guess who'd been assigned buddy duty.
It was apparently my job to guide
her through the ways of the school.
Basically, to help her fit in.
But Mel was not a team player.
What about those girls over there,
they look friendly, might
even be into motorbikes.
- How long do you have to be my buddy for?
- 'Til you get a real friend I guess.
- And when I do, who are you
going to hang round with?
- What'd she mean,
I had plenty of friends.
We just didn't hang out so much, anymore.
At all.
Egg, my old best friend.
He kind of, sort of joined a new team.
A whole new crowd in fact.
The wrong crowd.
And Egg had his spot in the
line-up firmly entrenched.
He was Curtis' right-hand man
and eager to make his boss happy.
It was pretty clear what
would make Curtis happy.
- We really need new bandanas.
These are so last year and so bogan.
And the shirts?
Bogan.
And seriously,
are you guys like serious here,
with the spearmint milk drinks?
Unbelievably bogan.
You really need to work
on your public image.
- We are bogans.
You do know that don't you?
- Whatever.
- Never should've let her join.
- She's only here 'cause she likes you.
- She likes you, man.
Believe me, I know women.
Why else would she hang
around all the time?
- Excuse me, ladies.
I believe it's time to go seal the deal.
- Egg was pretty happy
with himself playing Cupid.
Yep, he knew Curtis, and
he certainly knew women.
Or so he thought.
- Ladies.
- Meanwhile,
Phillip was determined
to trail-blaze his way into
the Leonard sporting archives.
- Looking forward to working with you all.
Think we're going to achieve
a lot together this season.
- They won't let you on the team?
- I think it's for the best.
- It is.
- There are more appropriate
sports out there,
I mean girls can be very aggressive.
- Yeah, there are much safer
ways to embarrass yourself.
- Woah, woah, woah, woah.
What are we saying here, people?
That this is okay?
Our son is forbidden from playing
the game he was born to play,
because he was born a boy?
- Perhaps Phillip was born
to do other things as well?
- Netball's my game, mum.
I've done the research,
the data doesn't lie.
- First match of the
season is this Saturday?
This family will be attending.
- What?
- You Phillip, will officially be a member
of the Angelus Girls Netball Team,
by close of business tomorrow.
That is a promise.
- Are you sure?
- She likes someone else.
- How do you know for sure?
- She said, "I like someone else."
- Why would she join your gang then?
- I know, it doesn't make sense.
- She's always hanging around us.
- Always looking our way.
- And Egg suddenly realised,
it wasn't Curtis Sasha liked.
It was him.
- What?
- Nothing.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing, no no.
- Find out who it is who Sasha likes.
I want to know,
'cause whoever that person is,
I'm gonna smash, Egg.
- Smash egg.
- What?
- I thought you said eggs,
the messy, broken ones.
- Get me a name by the
end of lunch, Egg-face.
- Onto it.
- While Egg's life
was suddenly in danger,
I was desperately trying
to prove I had one.
- Hey.
How you doing?
Dougs.
I'll catch up soon?
Yeah, me and you, nice.
- Who are your buddies?
- It's just a few of the crew.
I'll be catching up with a
few of the boys this weekend.
Should be classic.
- Cool!
Say, Saturday?
- Sorry?
- You were right, I should
start mingling more.
So yes, I'd love to come.
And you can introduce
me to all your friends.
- I just remembered.
Netball's on Saturday
and my brother's playing,
so I've got to go, unfortunately.
- We'll meet there then.
Perfect.
- I'm afraid that's
impossible, Phillip is a boy,
However, we do appreciate your interest
and hope to see you at
the first game tomorrow.
Now--
- Mrs. Streeton.
I am a man.
Hath a man not eyes, hath a man not hands?
Organs?
Dimensions?
Do we not share the same senses?
The same affections, the same passions?
- I'm afraid we can't take you either.
Wrong age, for a start.
- Are we not fed the same food?
Are we not warmed and
cooled by the same seasons?
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If we win the netball final this season,
do we not all roar at
their magnificent victory?
Men and women, boys and girls, together.
- Are we discussing a new issue now?
- Same issue.
- No boys.
Thank you.
- Alright then.
- Alright.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
- But I'm going to have
to throw the book at you.
You're in breach of the
Equal Opportunities Act 1972.
I'm sorry ladies.
Phillip is in.
- I've done some searching, digging,
general high-end detective work,
and I'm pretty sure, almost certain,
that the person Sasha likes is
no one.
- You're kidding.
- I know, weird.
But what I think has happened here
is that Sasha told you that she likes
someone else to make you feel better,
when really, Sasha likes no one.
Clearly not you, but even more so,
not anyone else.
Women.
- What are you hiding, Egg-head?
Of course.
It makes perfect sense.
- No, it doesn't.
I don't get it myself, I'm--
- Leonard.
- Leonard?
- She likes Lockie Leonard, it's obvious.
She's always hung out with you guys,
and now that Vicki Streeton's gone,
Leonard's a single man.
- That is true,
what you said right
there, those basic facts.
- Lockie Leonard.
We're gonna get him.
Perfect opportunity for you to prove
you're really part of
the team, Egg-breath.
- There he is.
How was training?
- Great.
Luckily I chose not to participate
in the actual training per se.
- You didn't train?
- I didn't need to.
From watching their drills,
I think I've got a pretty good
understanding of the way they play.
- Right.
That's good then.
- Starting
to feel well and truly
prepared for this game tomorrow.
Hey, interesting fact,
did you know that this game requires
you to actually catch the ball,
and bizarrely, on most occasions,
to throw it as well?
There's intricate forces and vectors
at work in a game of netball, Lockie.
Just have to find a place
for myself in their system.
- The game is tomorrow,
shouldn't you at least handle
an actual ball before then?
- It's just as important to have
a handle on the physics, my friend.
- Phillip, I've got a surprise for you.
Here it comes.
- Is that for me?
Brilliant.
It's about 300 grammes, which means--
- Um,
you know you don't have to play tomorrow.
It's just the first game
of the season, you know,
I mean you might want to polish up your--
- I'll be playing, Sarge.
Celeste is out with a sprained ankle.
I'll be starting at wing attack.
It's all going according to plan.
- Okay, well you know,
most important thing is that you have fun.
- Well that's what I intend to do.
- Right, because you know it's not about
winning and losing, it's
about how you play the game.
- I'm just lucky I'll be playing
with an extraordinarily
high level of skill.
'Cause I've got the blood of champions
in these veins, right Sarge?
Night Sarge.
- Night son.
- Poor Sarge.
He'd given Phillip a dream,
and tomorrow that dream would be crushed.
Here it was.
The day the Leonard family were poised
for a world record in public humiliation.
In better news, there was no sign of Mel,
so at least one of us might escape
with their dignity intact.
- Yes, yes, over here!
- Good, good, Phillip's
open, Phillip's open!
She threw it tight in.
- Yes, yes!
- Go ahead, he's open.
- Here, here, Bree, I'm open!
Yes, here, here!
- He's in the open.
Go.
Was that legal?
- It's no easy ride being
a trail blazer, Lockie.
Takes guts and family support.
- But I'm giving him
heaps of moral support.
- Your brother needs you son,
now get over there and show
them what Leonards are made of.
- Somehow I didn't think
Curtis had come to provide moral support.
- Son.
It's good, it's good, um,
good effort,
terrific.
- Don't patronise me, Sarge.
Don't go blaming yourself either.
- I pushed you into this.
- You weren't to know.
I had no idea myself.
I mean, who would have thought?
How could a group of girls
actually be this bad?
Don't get me wrong, they're
lovely young ladies, Sarge.
Can they play to save themselves?
It's diabolical.
You sit tight, we both know there's
only one person that can
turn this game around.
I just have to figure out a
way of how I'm going to do it.
- You work it out, son.
Use your head, you've got a good one.
- Come on, Dingos!
- Phillip had
always been more comfortable
with his head than with his body,
so he took Sarge's advice
and started using it.
- Come on!
- Unfortunately the success of
Phillip's head got Curtis' head thinking.
- You know what, Egg-nog?
If I really want to hurt Lockie Leonard,
I've got to start
thinking outside the box.
- Phillip?
- Leonard loves his
little brother doesn't he?
This time I'm going to get
him where it really hurts.
- Go Phillip!
- What did you say?
- Yeah, go Phillip.
- I don't know if the wrong
crowd is the right crowd.
For me, you know.
- If you give me that bandana Egg-nog,
you and I are enemies forever.
- Okay then, I'll keep it.
Bye.
- Spearmint really is very bogan.
- It's him.
She likes Egg.
- So, your posse hey?
- They're not really--
- They seem cute.
- They're okay, bit bossy.
- They'd be what, seven?
- Nine.
- Hey.
Can we, you know, get in on this?
- You'll have to ask the girls.
- Serious?
- Yeah, they're my posse.
Funny, what I thought was
going to be a disastrous day,
I now always remember as the
day I got my best friend back.
But for Sarge, the day
ended the same as any other.
Phillip was still his champion.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)
♫ Worlds away from anyone
- Phillip had
never played a sport.
He'd always been more inclined
to use his head than his body,
and believe me,
his was a head filled
with some weird stuff.
- Ha ha ha, ha ha!
- Mum was fairly
keen to stop him using it.
Just for a little while, at least.
- Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!
- Sarge and Mum agreed.
A team sport was the answer.
- It'd be a wonderful opportunity.
The teamwork, the exercise.
The total absence of
any kind of explosions.
- Mum outlined
all the logical benefits,
while Sarge, he adopted
more of an emotive approach.
- Sport, for many it is a naked desire.
Unstoppable, surging through
the veins like a freight train.
For others, it's more of a dormant spirit,
waiting to be given life.
Deep in your blood, my boy,
sleeps the spirit of champions.
- Really?
- You just have to choose a sport
that plays to your strengths.
That's what your ancestors did.
The Leonard family sporting archives.
The late, great Enid Hammertime Leonard.
Six-time gold-winning hammer-thrower,
World Highland Games.
Ichabod Leonard, captain of the
Australian Hackey Sak team, '69-'74.
The late, great Baxter Bradford Leonard.
Champion Rock, Paper,
Scissors, seven years running.
And probably our greatest export ever,
the Geigermeister himself,
Dougal Twinkletoe Leonard, Captain,
Addis-Ababa Male Synchronised
Swimming Team, circa 1942.
- Wow, I'll do some research Sarge,
find out what my strengths are.
- You do that research son.
- Just have fun.
Don't take it too seriously.
You don't have to rush into anything.
I've done the research.
And to be perfectly honest,
I'm excited by the results.
I know what my ideal sport is.
According to these calculations,
the perfect role for me
in a sporting sense is,
netball.
Wing attack.
- There was only one kind of
netball team in Angelus, the girl kind.
- Apparently I've got an above-average
swivel motion speed for my age.
- Unfortunately for me,
Phillip wasn't the only one in town
going against the grain.
Mel was the new kid at school,
and guess who'd been assigned buddy duty.
It was apparently my job to guide
her through the ways of the school.
Basically, to help her fit in.
But Mel was not a team player.
What about those girls over there,
they look friendly, might
even be into motorbikes.
- How long do you have to be my buddy for?
- 'Til you get a real friend I guess.
- And when I do, who are you
going to hang round with?
- What'd she mean,
I had plenty of friends.
We just didn't hang out so much, anymore.
At all.
Egg, my old best friend.
He kind of, sort of joined a new team.
A whole new crowd in fact.
The wrong crowd.
And Egg had his spot in the
line-up firmly entrenched.
He was Curtis' right-hand man
and eager to make his boss happy.
It was pretty clear what
would make Curtis happy.
- We really need new bandanas.
These are so last year and so bogan.
And the shirts?
Bogan.
And seriously,
are you guys like serious here,
with the spearmint milk drinks?
Unbelievably bogan.
You really need to work
on your public image.
- We are bogans.
You do know that don't you?
- Whatever.
- Never should've let her join.
- She's only here 'cause she likes you.
- She likes you, man.
Believe me, I know women.
Why else would she hang
around all the time?
- Excuse me, ladies.
I believe it's time to go seal the deal.
- Egg was pretty happy
with himself playing Cupid.
Yep, he knew Curtis, and
he certainly knew women.
Or so he thought.
- Ladies.
- Meanwhile,
Phillip was determined
to trail-blaze his way into
the Leonard sporting archives.
- Looking forward to working with you all.
Think we're going to achieve
a lot together this season.
- They won't let you on the team?
- I think it's for the best.
- It is.
- There are more appropriate
sports out there,
I mean girls can be very aggressive.
- Yeah, there are much safer
ways to embarrass yourself.
- Woah, woah, woah, woah.
What are we saying here, people?
That this is okay?
Our son is forbidden from playing
the game he was born to play,
because he was born a boy?
- Perhaps Phillip was born
to do other things as well?
- Netball's my game, mum.
I've done the research,
the data doesn't lie.
- First match of the
season is this Saturday?
This family will be attending.
- What?
- You Phillip, will officially be a member
of the Angelus Girls Netball Team,
by close of business tomorrow.
That is a promise.
- Are you sure?
- She likes someone else.
- How do you know for sure?
- She said, "I like someone else."
- Why would she join your gang then?
- I know, it doesn't make sense.
- She's always hanging around us.
- Always looking our way.
- And Egg suddenly realised,
it wasn't Curtis Sasha liked.
It was him.
- What?
- Nothing.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing, no no.
- Find out who it is who Sasha likes.
I want to know,
'cause whoever that person is,
I'm gonna smash, Egg.
- Smash egg.
- What?
- I thought you said eggs,
the messy, broken ones.
- Get me a name by the
end of lunch, Egg-face.
- Onto it.
- While Egg's life
was suddenly in danger,
I was desperately trying
to prove I had one.
- Hey.
How you doing?
Dougs.
I'll catch up soon?
Yeah, me and you, nice.
- Who are your buddies?
- It's just a few of the crew.
I'll be catching up with a
few of the boys this weekend.
Should be classic.
- Cool!
Say, Saturday?
- Sorry?
- You were right, I should
start mingling more.
So yes, I'd love to come.
And you can introduce
me to all your friends.
- I just remembered.
Netball's on Saturday
and my brother's playing,
so I've got to go, unfortunately.
- We'll meet there then.
Perfect.
- I'm afraid that's
impossible, Phillip is a boy,
However, we do appreciate your interest
and hope to see you at
the first game tomorrow.
Now--
- Mrs. Streeton.
I am a man.
Hath a man not eyes, hath a man not hands?
Organs?
Dimensions?
Do we not share the same senses?
The same affections, the same passions?
- I'm afraid we can't take you either.
Wrong age, for a start.
- Are we not fed the same food?
Are we not warmed and
cooled by the same seasons?
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If we win the netball final this season,
do we not all roar at
their magnificent victory?
Men and women, boys and girls, together.
- Are we discussing a new issue now?
- Same issue.
- No boys.
Thank you.
- Alright then.
- Alright.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
- But I'm going to have
to throw the book at you.
You're in breach of the
Equal Opportunities Act 1972.
I'm sorry ladies.
Phillip is in.
- I've done some searching, digging,
general high-end detective work,
and I'm pretty sure, almost certain,
that the person Sasha likes is
no one.
- You're kidding.
- I know, weird.
But what I think has happened here
is that Sasha told you that she likes
someone else to make you feel better,
when really, Sasha likes no one.
Clearly not you, but even more so,
not anyone else.
Women.
- What are you hiding, Egg-head?
Of course.
It makes perfect sense.
- No, it doesn't.
I don't get it myself, I'm--
- Leonard.
- Leonard?
- She likes Lockie Leonard, it's obvious.
She's always hung out with you guys,
and now that Vicki Streeton's gone,
Leonard's a single man.
- That is true,
what you said right
there, those basic facts.
- Lockie Leonard.
We're gonna get him.
Perfect opportunity for you to prove
you're really part of
the team, Egg-breath.
- There he is.
How was training?
- Great.
Luckily I chose not to participate
in the actual training per se.
- You didn't train?
- I didn't need to.
From watching their drills,
I think I've got a pretty good
understanding of the way they play.
- Right.
That's good then.
- Starting
to feel well and truly
prepared for this game tomorrow.
Hey, interesting fact,
did you know that this game requires
you to actually catch the ball,
and bizarrely, on most occasions,
to throw it as well?
There's intricate forces and vectors
at work in a game of netball, Lockie.
Just have to find a place
for myself in their system.
- The game is tomorrow,
shouldn't you at least handle
an actual ball before then?
- It's just as important to have
a handle on the physics, my friend.
- Phillip, I've got a surprise for you.
Here it comes.
- Is that for me?
Brilliant.
It's about 300 grammes, which means--
- Um,
you know you don't have to play tomorrow.
It's just the first game
of the season, you know,
I mean you might want to polish up your--
- I'll be playing, Sarge.
Celeste is out with a sprained ankle.
I'll be starting at wing attack.
It's all going according to plan.
- Okay, well you know,
most important thing is that you have fun.
- Well that's what I intend to do.
- Right, because you know it's not about
winning and losing, it's
about how you play the game.
- I'm just lucky I'll be playing
with an extraordinarily
high level of skill.
'Cause I've got the blood of champions
in these veins, right Sarge?
Night Sarge.
- Night son.
- Poor Sarge.
He'd given Phillip a dream,
and tomorrow that dream would be crushed.
Here it was.
The day the Leonard family were poised
for a world record in public humiliation.
In better news, there was no sign of Mel,
so at least one of us might escape
with their dignity intact.
- Yes, yes, over here!
- Good, good, Phillip's
open, Phillip's open!
She threw it tight in.
- Yes, yes!
- Go ahead, he's open.
- Here, here, Bree, I'm open!
Yes, here, here!
- He's in the open.
Go.
Was that legal?
- It's no easy ride being
a trail blazer, Lockie.
Takes guts and family support.
- But I'm giving him
heaps of moral support.
- Your brother needs you son,
now get over there and show
them what Leonards are made of.
- Somehow I didn't think
Curtis had come to provide moral support.
- Son.
It's good, it's good, um,
good effort,
terrific.
- Don't patronise me, Sarge.
Don't go blaming yourself either.
- I pushed you into this.
- You weren't to know.
I had no idea myself.
I mean, who would have thought?
How could a group of girls
actually be this bad?
Don't get me wrong, they're
lovely young ladies, Sarge.
Can they play to save themselves?
It's diabolical.
You sit tight, we both know there's
only one person that can
turn this game around.
I just have to figure out a
way of how I'm going to do it.
- You work it out, son.
Use your head, you've got a good one.
- Come on, Dingos!
- Phillip had
always been more comfortable
with his head than with his body,
so he took Sarge's advice
and started using it.
- Come on!
- Unfortunately the success of
Phillip's head got Curtis' head thinking.
- You know what, Egg-nog?
If I really want to hurt Lockie Leonard,
I've got to start
thinking outside the box.
- Phillip?
- Leonard loves his
little brother doesn't he?
This time I'm going to get
him where it really hurts.
- Go Phillip!
- What did you say?
- Yeah, go Phillip.
- I don't know if the wrong
crowd is the right crowd.
For me, you know.
- If you give me that bandana Egg-nog,
you and I are enemies forever.
- Okay then, I'll keep it.
Bye.
- Spearmint really is very bogan.
- It's him.
She likes Egg.
- So, your posse hey?
- They're not really--
- They seem cute.
- They're okay, bit bossy.
- They'd be what, seven?
- Nine.
- Hey.
Can we, you know, get in on this?
- You'll have to ask the girls.
- Serious?
- Yeah, they're my posse.
Funny, what I thought was
going to be a disastrous day,
I now always remember as the
day I got my best friend back.
But for Sarge, the day
ended the same as any other.
Phillip was still his champion.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)