Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Big Questions - full transcript

- Okay so what
we're talking about

this isn't just any old question, hey?

This is the biggest question
you're ever gonna face

in your whole life.

As in, who are we, and
what's to become of us all?

When we leave school, that is.

- That's right everybody, that's right,

say hello to your future.

- When I give you the word of command

you will quietly open your booklet

where you'll find a personality test.



Did I say personality test?

Dear, Leonard, do what you can.

- I didn't need some personality test

to tell me what I was going to do.

- World surf
champion Lockie Leonard!

- You will turn to the back of the booklet

where you will find a brief description

of the career best suited to your score.

- No surprises here, Lock, as expected,

ground-breaking research
scientist came in at number one.

- And as a last resort,

a wide range in consultancies
to the NASA space programme.

What about you Lock?

- There used to be a time



when Egg and me were best mates.

I'd been hoping the results of the test

might be a useful opener
for an overdue chat.

- Well what's the suggestion?

- Saying something in doggy care.

- Don't stress, Lockie,
the test is just a guide.

What really matters is
getting out in the workforce

and making an impact.

Don't slouch, Egg, it
makes you look unmotivated.

- Hey, what's up?

- Who's asking?

- Gosh, I can't believe you
two haven't already met.

Lockie, this is Curtis, Curtis, this is--

- Phil, shut up.

- That's funny, squeak squeak.

Curtis can hear a squeak

but Curtis doesn't see any
teeny weeny little mouse.

- I don't know Lock,

but I think Egg might've just
got himself a new best friend.

- And it wasn't
only Phillip and me

who were thinking about the future.

New horizons were opening
up for Blob as well.

- Okay then, everybody listening.

Deep breath, Joy.

Now my suggestion is perhaps
the time has come when--

This concerns you, Blob.

We might start thinking about DC.

- Drinking cocoa?

- Drooling custard?

- Dropping clangers?

- No, I'm talking about.

Day care.

I mean if were up to me I would
keep all of you kids at home

until they came and hauled Sarge and I

off to the nursing home,

but my parenting books all
say it's a jolly good idea

if Blob starts to learn to socialise

with other young people.

- Let it go.

- Just a couple of hours a week.

And then of course all that extra time

frees me up For all my outside interests.

- What outside interests?

- I don't know I'll think of something!

- Right well um whatever you
think's the fair thing, Joy.

Right boys?

- Course!

I mean who knows, Blob
might actually love it.

Right, who wouldn't enjoy an
afternoon a week of day care?

Goodness me, what I wouldn't give

for a day care facility
for all of us Moms!

It's my bear!

No you wouldn't I--

- And with two hours of free time

every Thursday afternoon,

Mum was finally able to
explore her outside interests.

- I know, let's put the
radio on, shall we Blob?

That'll cheer things up a bit.

That's right,

we don't have a radio station in Angeles.

- I wasn't the only one

worried about my future prospects.

Across town, Rev was also grasping

with the bigger questions.

Apart from wondering if
Egg had eaten his lunch,

Rev was having second thoughts
about his life's purpose

and sadly, Egg's careers booklet

wasn't about to provide
hiim with any comfort.

- And what might this be?

- No, no, no, don't look at that!

It's just some dumb careers guide thing.

Bit of a joke really.

- Well, any suggestions, career-wise?

- Um, well, they think
maybe I wouldn't go to bad

if I wanted to become a minister like you.

- Like me?

- See they've listed the
qualities you're supposed to have

if you're going to be a top reverend.

- They have?

- Engaging, effective, inspirational,

a self-possessed leader of men.

- Well you learn something every day.

- They're talking about you Dad!

- Well yes, of course they are.

- Hello, Angeles, good to see you!

Wow, you're a great audience.

You know, a funny thing happened
on the way to the rectory.

Does anybody know what a rectory is?

- But try as he might,

the Rev wasn't inspiring the crowd lately,

and he was beginning to
suspect he might never again.

- Gosh, Lockie.

All you children,
growing up so quickly.

Careers day, day care.

Isn't it exciting?

At this rate I'll be out of a job.

- You can have mine.

- Doggy care.

Well isn't that fascinating?

Well I certainly know
where to come for shampoo

if we ever get a dog.

- Mom I don't want to
spend the next 30 years

up to my ears in dog shampoo.

Why would they think that's
something I wanna do?

Who do they think I am?

- I'll admit it, it's not
as immediately exciting as--

- Groundbreaking research scientist?

- Or consultant to the space programme.

- Look, Lockie, Sarge and I
are thrilled just the same.

- Thrilled!

- Phillip had offered

to check through my careers test

to see where the doggy care
thing might have come from.

- Okay these are only
my preliminary findings,

so they're subject to
all the usual variables--

- Phil, just tell me what you think.

- Well if you're asking me,

the thing that's pushed you over the line

into to the touchy-feely,
pet-loving, big-soot camp

I'm sorry Locke, you're way too nice.

- What?

- It's a definite trend Locke.

Way too much consideration for others

especially our little animal friends.

- So you're saying if I wanna get ahead

I should model myself on
bad dudes like Curtis?

- It's not such a crazy idea.

Let's face it, he's
certainly cutting through

with your ex-friend Egg.

- Too nice!

I don't believe it.

- Would you call yourself a people person?

Most of the time, some of
the time, rarely, never.

- Joy?

You're not doing the boys'
careers test are you?

- Why not?

They're all growing up so quickly

I'm gonna have all this
free time on my hands.

I can be productive too, you know.

- Joy, you are the life and
soul of the Leonard family.

You are one of the world's
great poems made flesh.

- So where are my stripes?

- What do you mean?

- Where are my stripes?

You're a sergeant.

- Yes I am.

- You have three stripes on your sleeve,

that's like three big ticks.

Everybody says, "Look at that Sarge,

"I bet he know a thing or two."

- Yes they do.

- What about me?

I'm a Mom, I have three lovely children.

I didn't even get a certificate.

- Do you want a job?

- I want a salary.

I mean what I wouldn't give
for a new washing machine.

- What sort of job do you want?

- I think I'd like a little
job where I smile a lot.

And everybody would say,

"Good old Joy, what would
we have done without her?"

I'd just shrug my shoulders and say,

"Get away with you, it's
nothing, my pleasure."

- No more Mr Nice Guy.

I'm heavy dude, right?

That means no more Mr nice Lockie.

You talking to me?

Hey, you, you talking to me?

- Morning Lockie.

- Hey, you talking to me?

You talking to me?

- I only said good morning.

- Yeah well from now on
yo better watch your step.

'cause things are gonna
change around here.

I'm gonna be playing it Curtis-style!

Hah!

Hah!

Hah!

Say yo to the new me,
Lockie's in the house!

Word, don't come asking me to help

little old ladies cross the road.

Do you know what?

It's not gonna happen.

And when you see the
banana peel and you think,

you'd better pick it up
in case someone slips.

Well forget that.

And litter, who cares?

Okay, the litter thing,
that starts tomorrow.

Look out world, here he comes:

Lockie Leonard, looking for aggravation.

Well, that was the general idea,

but really, I just wanted Egg
and me to be friends again.

Yo, bro, check it!

- Check what?

- I've been thinking
things through in my head

and it's time to put being
good back inside the box.

It's time to be bad!

- Hey Lockie, are you alright?

Do you want me to come
with you to the sick bay?

- Now if it isn't squeak squeak.

Hey squeak squeak, Curtis
couldn't help overhearing.

- Really?

Yeah cool!

- Now, squeak squeak,

it's all well and good to
say you're gonna be bad,

but you gotta walk the walk,
not just talk the talk.

- Excuse me?

- Maybe you should help him out

and get totally bad together.

- Excuse me?

- The sun is up, the sky is blue,

and Curtis's dog Minsa
needs a gift from you.

- A gift?

- Minsa would like a new collar.

That's a dog collar.

Why don't you two bring
Minsa a new collar for me?

- You mean like Egg's Dad wears.

- This is your mission should
you choose to accept it.

Now why don't you two bad guys

bring Curtis the Rev's dog collar?

Then Curtis will know
how bad you really are.

- Thanks Lockie,

I don't know what you're
trying to prove back there,

but trust me, it didn't work.

- I'm sorry Egg.

- And another thing, if
we go ahead with this,

this is really gonna mess
with my careers prospects.

- Yeah I know but Curtis is
kind of expecting it now.

- That's right and nobody
argues with Curtis.

Thanks Lockie, thanks a lot.

- I have been a loyal employee
almost on 15 years now.

And I've never once asked for
a promotion or a company car.

Now I was hoping if I could
bother you for one tiny thing,

a performance appraisal.

Nothing big, just a
quick chat to let me know

if I'm on target or in
the wrong job entirely.

The thing is I've never been
much good at anything else,

although there was that
time at theological college

where I worked as a Christmas postman.

Everybody was so pleased to see me,

and I felt like I had a message to give.

Perhaps that's the line of work

I should have stuck to all along.

If you don't have any
time for our face-to-face,

I'd be happy with a
written response or sign.

Yes, a sign, that's what I need!

If it's not too much trouble of course?

Well I'm glad we had this chat, amen.

My dog collar's gone!

It's a sign!

Hi there!

- What are you doing here?

Good works, I suppose, as usual,
comforting the unemployed.

- Yes, yes, we do what we can.

And you?

- I, I, I've been
past here that many times

and I've always thought,

"I must pop in and have a look one day."

- Georgie O'Donnell.

Now then Mrs Leonard,
you're looking for job,

will that be full time or casual?

- Two.

- You want two jobs?

- Two hours.

- A day?
- A week.

- I don't suppose there's
any call for a postman?

- Not really, not since
the email took off.

- At Thursday afternoons from
1:30 until 20 past three?

- And I probably wouldn't be
able to work very many Sundays.

- I'd just like to get out
and talk to a few people.

- My dog collar's gone missing.

Maybe Sundays won't be
the problem they were.

- It can get pretty quiet
at home for us Moms.

I mean the radio just sits there and goes

all day.

- While George
from the job centre

was trying to find them something,

he arranged for Mom and the Rev

to have a one-hour trial
at the bowling alley.

You had to give Mom and
the Rev an A for effort,

and putting their pasts behind
them was more difficult.

- Chicken.

Hello my girls, come on, lovely ladies.

- Then of course

there were the interviews.

- Hi there, and welcome to Angeles's

most exciting nugget outlet.

- No please, God invented
chicken nuggets for everyone.

- Look I don't think

I'd recommend the chicken nuggets today.

How about a nice green salad instead?

- So Sasha got the job instead.

- Where am I going wrong, Jeff, is it me?

Have I lost my touch?

- Dad I'm sure your dog collar
will turn up any moment.

You've probably just left it somewhere.

- Nah Jeff, I know a sign when I see one.

It's time for me to take a different path,

possibly something in retail.

- No Dad you can't, you're the
best minister there ever was.

- No let's face it Jeff,

if our saviour came
back down here to earth,

he wouldn't need to
multiply loaves and fishes

to feed my congregation.

He'd have to take most of
it home in a doggy bag.

- We've gotta get Dad's dog collar back.

- What's Curtis gonna say?

He'll freak!

- I know he will, better start praying.

- Yeah.

- Did I hear you two fellas
were looking for a dog collar?

- You did?
- How'd you know that?

- I move in mysterious ways.

- That's Minsa?

- Let's get it!

Thank you!

- My pleasure!

- Hey Lockie, does this feel
the right thing to be doing?

- Massively.

- Yes hello.

Hello Headmaster.

- A miracle!

The chaplain at Angeles
High had broken his leg,

and they needed someone
to fill in, urgently.

- It's a sign, somebody needs me.

Sorry, no.

I mean yes, of course I'm available.

- Meanwhile Mom
got a phone call too.

- I'm confused, why did
you want to meet me here?

- Community radio station.

It checked out a few years ago now,

but I'm sure someone like you

could get it up and running in no time.

- Me?

Do you really think so?

- Talking to all those all
those other Moms at home?

I'm sure of it.

You see Joy, it's my job to listen

and steer people in the right direction.

My card in case you want me again.

- Radio Angeles

was going to be pretty important to Mom

in the weeks to come,
but that's another story.

The Rev's big questions had been answered,

he was in the right job after all,

and his future looked bright.

But the tricky thing about life,

just when you think you've got it sorted,

another bigger question is
always lurking around the corner.

- Hold it right there!

You two took something
that belonged to me.

Hey that took guts!

Curtis likes you guys.

We're gonna be making lots
more mischief together,

that's every day of the week from now on.

- But not everything

can be answered right away.

And sometimes it's out
of our hands anyway.