Lockie Leonard (2007–2010): Season 2, Episode 10 - It Happens - full transcript

Lockie helps Phillip prepare for Marjorie's final journey.

- I'm on that bus,

somewhere between the city and Angelus

and it's hot on the bus

and smelly

and by smelly, I mean the worst thing

you could ever, ever imagine.

A stink so hideously bad,

so horrifyingly horrible,

the aroma of Old Squash's
socks was like roses

in comparison.

It made the greenie-brown
stuff in Blob's nappy



seem like pistachio ice cream.

Even the pawn of Phillip's
latest experiment

had nothing on what was
in the bus that day.

The source of that smell,

the origin of the stink to end all stinks

was unfortunately coming from me.

Yeah, it was one of those days when

the collective bowels
of the animal kingdom

conspired against me.

- You, off the bus.

- But
what really stinks is

now matter how much you think
you have your future sussed,

there's always some random act

that comes along to stuff everything up.



Like bus drivers with
overly sensitive noses

or girlfriends

or comets.

Okay, rewind.

It all started when Phillip had found out

his friend Marjorie was
preparing for a final journey.

- Phillip, Marjorie's--

- Trouble is,

he didn't want her to leave.

- Strange, he was here a moment ago.

Phillip, you in there?

- Phillip's not here at the moment.

If you'd like to leave a message,

you may do so after the beep, beep.

- Phillip, it's Marge.

I just want to let you know
that I've double checked

and my original calculations were right.

The comet is here

and it should be on view about
this time tomorrow evening,

cause for celebration
I would have thought.

- Beep, end of message.

- It wasn't
the only avoidance behaviour

happening around Angelus that day.

- Egg's not here, Lockie.

You just missed him.

- We were supposed to go
fishing this afternoon.

We organised it yesterday.

- He didn't mention anything
about a fishing trip.

- Right.

Well, if he comes back soon,

tell him I'll see him down the jetty.

- No worries.

- Scout, Scout, Scout, Scout!

- Somehow,
somewhere along the line,

the future decided it was time

I lost my best friend to Curtis.

How did that happen?

Why didn't I see that coming?

I figured Vicki would have an answer

and even if she didn't,

it was a nice excuse to catch up.

But Vicki was not available.

I guess the school's
internet was down again.

- Well, maybe you're just
no fun anymore, Lockie.

Have you considered that?

You know, Egg's staying
away from you for a reason.

It's time we all moved on.

Us, it, it's so last year.

- But why can't things
just stay how they were?

Why do they have to change?

I wasn't the only one who
wanted to turn back time.

- I must need a sleep, I dozed off.

When I woke up, I found this.

- I smell crime.

- Let's not jump the
gun, Constable Waddle.

- Do you know of anyone
who might have reason

to deny you access to the observatory?

- No.

No one.

- Whoever it is can't spell prohibited.

Sarge, I got something.

- Dust it for prints.

- Sarge, Sarge, what's going on?

- I need to speak to
Phillip on a police matter.

- I smell guilt.

- Phillip, spell prohibited.

- P-R-O-H-I-B-A-T-E-D.

- I, not a.

- I'm a man of science, not letters.

- Empty out your pockets.

- You don't have to do anything
without a lawyer present.

- Joy, don't make this any
harder than it needs to be.

- It's okay, Mom.

- That's it.

Phillip Leonard,

did you willfully seek
to bar Marjorie Beaumont

rightful access to her observatory

using physical means,
including police issue tape

and the padlock I'm
holding in front of me?

- You don't have to answer that.

- Yes.

- Can I ask you why you did this?

It's my understanding
that there is a comet

approaching Angelus.

Is it also true that once
this comet is sighted,

a certain local astronomer,
namely Marjorie Beaumont,

will leave this life for good,

having completed her last work?

- Yes.

- I would like to warn the prosecution,

that if he doesn't let me
client off with a warning,

well he can jolly well fix his own dinner.

- I think this case requires
further contemplation.

I would like some one on
one time with the offender.

See the sand, Phillip?

See how some grains of sand get washed up?

Some get washed away?

Some just stay where they are,

then a wave comes and the whole process

happens all over again?

- What's your point?

- My point is,

life is always changing.

Nothing stays the same forever.

- Well, that's not fair.

- Just because Marjorie's leaving Angelus

doesn't mean she's leaving us forever.

You'll meet again,

in some form or other.

- I think the word you're

searching for is reincarnation, Sarge.

The juries still out on that concept.

Say Marjorie turns into a dolphin

or a saber-toothed tiger?

That's not much use to me,

I can't speak either language.

- Unless you're a dolphin
or saber-toothed tiger

when you meet again.

- Like I said,

juries still out.

- Let me try again.

Let me call on the power
of rejuvenating verse.

Evolution by Langdon Smith.

"When you were a tadpole and I was a fish,

"in the Palaeozoic time,

"side by side on the ebbing tide."

- Sorry for padlocking your observatory.

- Don't be sorry, I understand.

You're upset because I'm leaving.

- Why does it have to be so soon?

Why can't it be next week or next month,

or next year?

- That comet has my name on it.

It's taking me on my next journey

and I couldn't miss it
even if I wanted to.

Dear boy, we will meet again.

- That's what the Sarge reckons.

- Wise man, your dad, worth listening to.

Before I go, why don't we
have a picnic together?

Let's make a real splash of it.

- Don't expect me to be
in a real party mood.

- I really need a rest.

You better get going home.

- I want to stay with you.

- Phillip, I need my rest,

to get ready for the party.

- What should I bring?

- Just yourself

and if you happen to have a
wheel of Roquefort cheese,

bring that along as well.

- Roque what?

- It's a fine, French blue cheese

with delicate character and piquancy.

I've only ever tasted it once

and I'll never forget it.

I'd love to taste that
cheese just one more time

before I shuffle off.

- Phillip, what are you doing?

- I need to use milk, a litre of it.

- You're gonna have trouble
getting it from Sirrel,

he's a boy sheep.

You okay?

Why do you need to use milk?

- You wouldn't understand.

- Try me.

- Marjorie needs Roquefort.

- What, rocket fuel?

- No, Roquefort.

It's a fancy French cheese,
Marjorie's favourite.

- This is a total disaster.

The comet's going to come

and Marjorie's going to go

and I won't be able to
give her any Roquefort

to help on her final journey.

- Why not buy some?

- Great idea, Lockie, not.

I've only been to every
single shop in Angelus

and not one of them sells Roquefort.

I'm not ready to let her go, Lockie.

I'm not sure I'll ever be,

but she's going anyway

and I can't even give
her a proper sendoff.

I don't think this is a good idea.

- Egg's caught the bus to the city

on his own heaps of times.

- Yeah with the Rev's permission

and his mum waiting for
him at the other end.

- Trust me, I'll be fine.

I'll just get the cheese

and I'll hop straight on the return bus.

- Why are you doing this?

- Cause you're my brother.

I want to help you out.

Do I need another reason?

How much for that wedge of Roquefort?

- Roquefort.

- Right, Roquefort.

- $74.

- That one there?

- Cheaper, 36.80.

- That's crazy, I don't
have that kind of money.

Wait, wait,

how much can I get for this?

- Out.

- Luckily,

Phillip was working on a backup plan.

He wasn't letting a lack
of proper ingredients

get in his way.

- Roque what?

- It's Croquefort.

- No, it's Roquefort.

R- O-Q-U-E-F-O-R-T.

- Whatever it is, it's alive.

Look, it's moving.

- It's a live culture.

- It's a little too alive for my liking.

You sure this thing's safe, Phillip?

- I bet my life on it.

- And
then I had a brainwave.

Since I was in the city,

why not pay Vicki a visit?

Okay, so maybe that had
been my plan all along

and maybe I wasn't here to find

some smelly old French cheese,

but it's not like I
hadn't given it a shot.

A real good shot.

Suddenly, there she was, Vicki Street.

What a vision of loveliness.

This is weird

but I guess there's
probably loads of reasons

why there's a bunch of boys playing footy

in an all girls ladies college.

They're probably poor boys

from underprivileged backgrounds

whose schools are without facilities

like footie ovals.

There she is, being nice and supportive

to one of the underprivileged boys.

That's Vicki all over.

Suddenly, the idea of
meeting up with Vicki

and her newfound friends,

smelling like I did,

seemed like a pretty dumb idea.

- Lockie Leonard?

- So I did the only
sensible thing I could do.

Vicki.

What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here is
here more of the question.

- What was the answer?

- Joshua Punt, meet Lockie Leonard.

- Hi, how are you doing?

- Right now, not so good.

- You don't smell so good either.

- You know, there's a shower you can use.

I can lend you some clothes.

Vicki's friend was so nice.

I took an immediate dislike to him.

- Thanks but,

I need to go.

- Go?

But you only just got here.

- I just wanted to say hello,

so hello.

- What about something to eat

before you go?

- Thanks Josh, but I'm fine.

- Anyway,

all I have is some smelly old Roquefort.

- Actually, I might take
some of that if it's okay,

for my trip home.

- Do you know the myth
behind the Roquefort, Lockie?

- There's a myth about a cheese?

- Roquefort is made in France in caves

and legend has it that once upon a time,

there was this shepherd
who was having some cheese

in his cave when he spies
this beautiful young girl

traipsing through the fields.

He was so taken by her beauty

that he dropped his cheese to the floor

and ran out after her

and when he returned,

he found that his cheese
had gotten all mouldy,

but he took a bite anyway,
he was that hungry,

and the taste they say,

is the taste of heaven.

- So he got the cheese

but did he get the girl?

- He got both and they
lived happily ever after.

- So, you've been hard to get hold of.

I kept getting this message
you're not available.

- I've been snowed under with my studies.

Josh and I have been building
a model of a greenhouse

for environmental science.

- You and Josh?

- We're study buddies

and his house is totally
organic and sustainable

and helps global warming and world peace.

- You guys make a good team.

- Josh is totally focused on his future.

He's gonna be an environmental lawyer.

- Clever Josh.

- He is really clever.

He's got a 25 year plan
worked out for his future,

he knows exactly where he's
gonna be at every point.

- 25 years?

- I'm working on my own 25 year plan.

- Right, I still have trouble knowing

what I'm doing tomorrow.

- But you've given some
thought to your future,

like what you're gonna
do when you leave school?

- Surf?

- Same old Lockie Leonard.

Vicki was disappointed.

I should have said something

like brain surgeon or something,

but I don't think she
would've believed me,

and besides, I told enough lies that day.

- So I guess this is goodbye then.

- Really, goodbye?

- Well, haven't you got a bus to catch?

- Yeah, I guess.

- So.

- So?

- Goodbye Lockie.

- Bye Vicki.

It all felt very final.

Normally I get a bye or maybe I'll see you

but this was the full-on
formal version, goodbye.

Yep, today was one of those days

that just went from bad to worse.

- Lockie's at Egg's, Lockie's at Egg's,

Lockie's at Egg's, Lockie's at Egg's.

- Phillip, where's Lockie?

- Lockie's gone to the city.

- So here
I am, back where we started,

somewhere between the city and Angelus

and completely lost.

- Absconding without parental permission.

Lying.

Conspiracy to induce others
to lie on your behalf.

Offences under the Olfactory Act.

- Sorry, Sarge, won't happen again.

- Anything else to report?

- I just had one of those days that goes

from bad to terrible.

- The thing is Lockie, without a bad day,

how are you ever going to be
able to measure a good one?

You see, life is mostly in the middle,

not too many highs, not too many lows,

so you should be grateful you had

such an unmitigatedly terrible day.

It means a great day is
just around the corner.

- Yeah, well, I'm due a corker.

- What happened?

- Egg has a new friend

and I think Vicki and I broke up.

- Ouch, the double header.

What did she say?

- Goodbye.

It was the way she said it,

that and the fact she's got
her whole life planned out

and I don't fit into any of it.

- Her whole life mapped out, you say?

- 25 years.

- So the thing about the future, Lock,

you can't plan everything.

It happens, it just happens.

- If Sarge was right,

the future was going to come along

whether I liked it or not.

Maybe Vicki and I were
in that future together

or maybe we weren't,

but no 25 year plan or worrying about it

was going to change anything.

- Thanks, Lock.

Marjorie will be chuffed.

What if I never make a
friend like her again?

I'm going to live for a long time.

I could have a very
lonely future ahead of me.

- There's no point in worrying
about the future, Phillip.

The thing about the future,

it happens, it just happens.

- I like it, is it one of yours?

- It is now.

- Thanks, Lockie.

And Lock?

You're the best brother on the planet.

- It's disgusting.

I can't believe you actually like it.

- It tastes like heaven.

Heaven on Earth.

- I've got another surprise.

I think you'll like it.

Evolution by Langdon Smith.

"When you were a tadpole and I was a fish

"in the Paleozoic time, side by side,

"on the ebbing tide, we sprawled through

"the ooze and slime.

"Or skittered with many a caudal flip,

"through the Cambrian fen,

"my heart was rife with the joy of life.

"I loved you, even then.

"Mindless we lived, mindless we loved,

"Mindless, at last we died.

"And deep in the rift
of the Caradoc drift,

"we slumbered, side by side.

"The world turned on in the lathe of time,

"the hot lands heaved amain,

"till we caught our breath
from the womb of death

"and crept into life again.

"Our love is old, our lives are old,

"and death shall come amain,

"should it come today, what man may say,

"we shall not live again."

- Such a wonderful poem.

Such beautiful words

and despite everything,

love, true friendship,

it will never die.

It will never die.

- Yeah, it's a good one.

- Dear boy, come here.

- Several days later,

after finally letting go,

Marjorie rode her comet back to the stars.

- There it goes now,

almost out of sight.

- You get naming rights if you're

the one to discover a comet,
asteroidy thingy, don't you?

- Yes, Lockie.

I get naming rights.

- So what are you going to call it?

- Well, it's a she for starters,

so what do you reckon?